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MEMOIRS 


THE    LIFE    AND    CORRESPONDENCE 


MRS.  HAWKES. 


MEMOIRS 
MRS.  HAWKES 


LATE  OF  ISLINGTON 


INCLUDING, 


REMARKS  IN   CONVERSATION 
AND    EXTRACTS    FROM    SERMONS    AND    LETTERS 


OF    THE    LATE 


REV.  RICHARD   CECIL. 


BY  CATHARINE  CECIL. 


I    HAVE    CHOSEN    THEE    IN    THE    FURNACE    OF    AFFLICTION. 

Isa.  xlviii.  10. 


FR03I  THE  SECOND  LONDON  EDITION. 


PHILADELPHIA: 

J.    WHETHA?!,     144,    CHESTNUT    STREET. 


M  DCGC   XXXVIII. 


J.  L.  Powell,  Printer, 
Buriiu^toD,  N. 


ADVERTISEMENT. 


It  was  the  will  of  my  deceased  god-molher  Mrs.  Hawkes, 
that  I  should  possess  her  manuscript  books  and  papers,  after 
her  death ;  not  only  on  account  of  the  numerous  passages 
which  they  contain  relating  to  my  honoured  Father,  but  also 
on  account  of  that  close  and  affectionate  friendship  which  fol- 
lowed from  the  relation  in  which  she  stood  towards  me. 

The  personal  obligations  conferred  upon  me,  from  early 
childhood,  by  the  deceased,  together  with  my  knowledge  of 
the  minute  details  of  her  life,  seemed  to  make  it  peculiarly  my 
duty  to  communicate  to  others  those  words  of  hers  which  may 
be  compared  to  a  "  well-spring  of  wisdom."  And  I  have  felt 
the  less  reluctance  to  engage  in  a  work,  from  which  I  should 
otherwise  have  shrunk,  while  acting  under  a  sense  of  providen- 
tial direction, — being  encouraged  and  urged  to  the  undertak- 
ing by  some  of  the  nearest  relatives  of  the  deceased,  as  well  as 
by  several  of  my  own  particular  Friends,  whose  judgment  1 
could  not  but  respect. 

C.  Cecil. 

5,  Little  James  Street, 
Bedford  Row. 

June  20,  1837. 


ADVERTISEMENT  TO  THE  SECOND  EDITION. 


At  the  request  of  some  friends  who  had  pur- 
chased the  First  Edition  of  this  work,  a  further 
selection  has  been  made  from  Mrs.  Hawkes's 
papers,  of  such  remains  of  the  late  Rev.  Richard 
Cecil,  as  may  be  interesting  to  the  public.  This 
further  selection  is  added,  in  the  Second  Edi- 
tion, to  the  former  Appendix. 


PREFACE 


The  Christian  experience  of  Mrs.  Hawkes  wliich  is  now 
presented  to  the  Pubhc,  possesses  a  character  common  to  that 
of  other  believers,  as  it  may  be  traced  to  the  operation  of  the 
Holy  Spirit.  On  this  account  it  ought  to  be  considered  pre- 
cious  in  itself;  apart  from  those  considerations  which,  in  the 
present  instance,  concur  to  render  it  valuable  to  others.  It  is 
not  often  that  so  many  advantages  unite  to  render  the  experi- 
ence of  a  Christian  profitable  to  the  public  in  general.  To  find 
the  deepest  views  of  the  evil  of  sin,  in  a  person  whose  moral 
character  was,  through  life,  the  most  exemplary  ;— the  clearest 
viev/s  of  the  doctrines  of  grace,  with  a  strict  and  conscientious 
regard  to  their  practical  tendency  ; — the  strongest  and  mcst 
simple  faith,  ever  in  connection  with  the  penitence  of  her  v;ho 
washed  the  Saviour's  feet  with  her  tears  ;— a  love  to  God  tru- 
ly filial,  ever  blended  with  a  reverential  fear;  and  a  humility 
which  was  as  the  clothing  of  her  soul ;— to  find  the  cheerful 
afiectionate  friend,  ever  administering  to  others,  in  the  same 
person  with  the  oppressed  and  afflicted  sufFerer,-- where  pa- 
tience had,  by  means  of  constant  trial,  itsj^erfect  work  .-—these 
are  fruits  of  the  Spirit  so  precious  in  themselves,  and  so  rare 
in  their  combination,  that  they  require  to  be  made  manifest. 
"  Is  a  candle  brought  to  be  put  under  a  bushel,  or  under  a  bed  ? 
and  not  to  be  set  on  a  candlestick  ? " 

The  subject  of  this  Memoir  was  little  known  out  of  her  own 
circle.  But  the  same  reasons  which  induced  the  inspired  wri- 
ters to  record  the  names  of  Lydia,  "  whose  heart  the  Lord 
opened  to  attend  to  the  things  spoken  by  Paul,"  apply  strongly 
to  the  present  case.  Thus  also  the  Scripture  speaks  of  "the 
woman  named  Damaris,"  and  of"  Dionysiusthe  Areopagite," 


VIII 

PEEFACE. 


of  whom  nothing  ,s  recorded  except  that  they  "believed." 
This  may  appear  of  lii.ie  consequence  to  the  world  :  but  the 
Holy  Sp,r,t  thus  teaches  us  that  the  greatest  works  go  on  in  the 
secret  chambers  of  the  heart,  and  in  private  life.  ^Vhen  our 
bav.ourbru,sed  Satan's  E,npire_the  greatest  work  that  men 
oranges  ever  beheld,_the  Held  of  action  was  narrow,  and 
the  world  saw  little  in  it  to  attract  attention.  Yet  to  the  eye 
of  fatth,  there  is  presented  in  the  confined  spot  of  Calvary  a 
stupendous  work  of  power,  wisdom,  and  goodness,  which  "  An. 
gels  desire  to  lock  into."  And  among  the  names  recorded  on 
that  solemn  occasion,  we  find  those  of  the  few  women  who  at- 
tended  our  Saviour's  crucifixion,  and  who  were  properlv  affeCed 
by  that  sight.     Matt,  xxvii.  56.-Luke  xxiii.  4S.       ' 

Another  inducement  to  the  publication  of  these  Memoirs  is, 
hat  Mrs.  Hawkes's  records  of  her  experience  are  left,  (without 
he  least  ,dea  on  her  part  of  their  ever  seeing  the  light,  but  as 
the  natura  result  of  her  cultivated  and  intelligent  mind,)  in  a 
form  suited  both  to  delight  and  profit  the  serious  Reader.  In 
this  history  there  is  not  much  variety  of  incident.  The  design 
o  the  work  .s  to  exhibit  the  spiritual  exercises  of  her  mi;d, 
and  to  follow  out  her  Christian  experience  under  a  continued 
course  of  affliction. 

The  Sermons  and  other  materials  of  this  compilation,  which 
may  appear  foreign  to  the  Memoir,  have  not,  p'roperlv  speak^ 
ing,  been  introduced  by  the  Biographer.  They  were  found  so 
interspersed  and  interwoven  in  almost  every  page  of  Mrs 
Hawkess  diai-y,  that  it  would  have  been  difficult  to  separate 
them.  It  ,s  however  believed  that  they  will  be  found  interesting 
and  instructive.  The  same  must  be  observed  respecting  the 
various  allusions  to  Mr.  Cecil's  family,  (of  which  Mrs.  Hawkes 
was  for  several  years  a  member,)  and  which  could  not  have 
been  omitted  without  breaking  the  thread  of  her  private  oxne- 
nence  and  history.  ' 

Neither  must  it  be  forgotten  that  the  fine  character  of  Mrs 
Hawkes  was  developed  under  the  immediate  trainin-r  of  Mr 
Cecil's  ministry  and  converse.     She  was  a  "  plant  of  his  hand 


PREFACE.  IX 

a  child  of  his  prayer;"  and  it  is  not  surprising  that  where 
there  existed  the  relation  of  spiritual  father  and  daughter,  there 
should  result  a  degree  of  mental  and  moral  affinity,  giving 
colour  to  Mrs.  Hawkes's  intellectual  and  religious  character, 
and  appearing  in  her  remains. 

In  Mrs.  Hawkes's  correspondence  there  will  be  found  a 
beautiful  specimen  of  the  communion  of  saints;  all  the  letters 
introduced  contain  some  practical  instruction,  and  breathe  the 
pure  spirit  of  Christianity.  She  was  a  person  fraught  with  so 
much  sympathy,  and  so  deeply  exercised  in  the  school  of  af- 
fliction, that  every  mourner  sought  to  her  as  a  general  friend. 
Both  her  verbal  and  written  admonitions  ever  contained  the 
most  judicious  counsel,  and  were  delivered  in  the  most  benev- 
olent and  affectionate  manner. 

In  the  early  part  of  the  work  there  is  a  large  selection  from 
the  letters  of  Mrs.  Hawkes's  sister,  Mrs.  Jones, — who  was  also 
a  very  eminent  Christian.  Her  style  of  writing  is  both  lively 
and  interesting  ;  and  her  letters  ever  present  religion  in  an 
elevating  and  encouraging  point  of  view. 

Should  it  seem  to  any  one  unacquainted  with  Mrs.  Hawkes, 
that  he'r  character  has  been  drawn  by  partiality,  it  is  here  seri- 
ously affirmed,  that  every  statement  has  been  made  from  an 
entire  conviction  of  its  truth  ;  and  under  a  deep  sense  of  the 
solemn  obligations  under  which  a  Biographer  lies,  to  add 
nothing  in  a  way  of  panegyric. 

There  are  not  many  who  have  been  favoured  with  equal 
opportunities  with  myself  of  knowing  intimately  the  Deceased, 
or  of  partaking  so  largely  of  her  instructions.  It  was  perhaps 
a  duty,  when  intrusted  with  her  manuscript  books  and  papers, 
not  to  hide  the  talent  in  a  napkin  ;  but  rather  to  "  gather  up 
the  fragments"  left  by  this  valuable  character,  and  present 
them  to  the  public  in  the  form  of  a  Mejioir. 

The  employment  has  furnished  both  delight  and  improve- 
ment. It  is  impossible  to  trace  closely  "  the  path  of  the  just" 
without  being  cheered,  as  well  as  directed,  by  the  light  wliich 
shines  upon  it.     If  a  regret  arises  that  a  stronger  hand  was  not 


PREFACE. 


employed  to  hold  up  this  shining  light  to  others,  it  may  be  re- 
membered,  that  a  lamp  loses  nothing  of  its  light  from  beino- 
carried  by  a  feeble  hand.  ° 

May  the  Great  Head  of  the  Church  condescend  to  accept, 
and  bless,  what  has  been  now  done  in  dependence  upon  His 
grace  ;  making  it  conduce  to  the  encouragement  and  assistance 
of  his  members  upon  earth,  and  especially  to  the  promotion  of 
his  own  glory. 


CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  I. 


FROia   HER   BIRTH  TO   HER  MARRIAGE, 

Page- 
From  A.  D.  1759  to  about  1785 13 


CHAPTER  11. 

FROM  HER  MARRIAGE  TO  HER  SETTLEMENT  AT  HOLLOWAT. 

From  A.  D.  1785  to  1790 17 

CHAPTER  III. 

FROM  HER  SETTLEMENT  AT  HOLLOWAT  TO  HER  LEAVING  THAT  PLACE. 

From  A.  D.  1790  to  1796 37 

CHAPTER  IV. 

HER  RESIDENCE  IN  3rR.   CECIl's  HOUSE. 

From  A.  D.  1796  to  1802 135 


CHAPTER  V. 


FROM  HER  SETTLEMENT  AT  MR.  COLLTER  S  TO  HER  REMOVAL  TO 
BETCHWORTH. 

From  A.  D.  1802  to  181 1 181 


^^^  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  VI. 

HER  TEMPORARY  AUODE  AT   BETCinVORTH, 

From  A.  D.  1811  to  1812 ^f^- 

CHAPTER  YU. 

FROM  HER  SETTLEMENT  AT  PEI.TON  PEACE  TO  HER  REMOVAL  TO 
atJEEN's  ROW, 

From  A.  D.  1812  to  1817 oo- 


CHAPTER  YIII. 

HER  HESlDEJfCE  AT   atEEN's  ROW,  PE?fTOXVILLE. 

From  A.  D.  1817  to  1838 265 


CHAPTER  IX. 

HER  REMOVAL  FROM   dUEEJf's  ROW,  AND   SUBSEarEA^T  RESIDENCE  fX 
CROSS  STREET,  ISLINGTON. 

From  A.  D.   1828  to  1832 32g 

CHAPTER  X. 

CLOSING  PERIOD   OF  HER  LIFE. 

From  Jan.  1832  to  Oct.  16,  1832 359 

CHAPTER  XI. 

Concluding  Remarks 3gg 

Appendix 331 


MEMOIRS,  ETC. 


CHAPTER  I. 
FROM  HER  BIRTH  TO  HER  MARRIAGE. 

FROM  A.  D. 

Introductory  remarks — Her  liirth — Piety  of  her  parents — Concern  for 
the  conversion  of  their  children — Gaity  of  Mrs.  Hawkes  in  her  younger 
years — Her  love  of  music  and  reading — Her  marriage. 

The  devout  and  discerning  reader  will  not  have  proceeded  far 
in  this  volume,  without  feeling  that  it  displays  a  character  of 
unusual  vigour  in  the  christian  life  ;  and  it  is  believed  that  no 
such  reader  will  close  ihe  volume,  without  thanking  God  for 
the  examples  which  it  offers  of  faith  and  wisdom  in  his  ser- 
vants, and  the  evidence  vv'hich  it  gives  of  His  own  gracious 
dealings. 

The  subject  of  the  following  Memoir  evidently  belongs  to 
that  company  spoken  of  in  Rev.  vii. '14.  "These  are  they 
which  came  out  of  great  tribulation,  and  have  washed  their 
robes  and  made  them  white  in  the  blood  of  the  Lamb:"  and 
the  precious  faith  which  she  obtained,  "  though  tried  with  fire, 
will  be  found  unto  praise  and  honour  and  glory  at  the  appear- 
ing of  Jesus  Christ."  1  Peter  i.  7. 

The  intention  of  the  following  pages  is  to  manifest,  chiefly 
by  a  reference  to  the  diary  and  letters  of  the  deceased,  the 
supporting  and  purifying  nature  of  that  faith  which  she  had 
embraced  ;  and  the  genuine  humility  which  accompanied  her 
high  attainments  in  the  school  of  Christ. 

Three  sources  of  affliction  may  be  marked  in  the  history  of 
this  eminent  servant  of  God.  In  the  earlier  part  of  her  mar- 
ried life,  she  enjoyed  worldly  prosperity, — but  was  severely 
exercised  by  domestic  trials.  To  this  course  of  discipline  suc- 
ceeded the  loss  of  affluence  and  ease ;  which  reduced  her  to  a 
state  of  dependence  on  the  bounty  of  others.  These  trials 
2 


1^  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.   HAWKES. 

were  augmented  during  ihe  latter  years  of  her  life  by  very 
acute  and  unusual  bodily  sufferings  ;— and  throughout  this 
course,  it  is  most  instructive  and  encouraginjr  to  witness  the 
power  of  religion  m  sustaining  her  spirit,  and  in  raising  her 
above  all  her  complicated  and  lengthened  trials. 

Mrs.  Hawkes  was  born  in  the  year  1759,  at  Broad  Mars- 
ton  in  Gloucestershire,  where  her  parents  resided.  She  was 
the  youngest  of  thirteen  children,  five  ot^  whom  died  in  child- 
hood.  Her  father,  Mr.  Thomas  Eden,  was  a  person  of  stron^r 
sense  and  real  piety.  He  was  intimately  acquainted  with  the 
Kev.  John  Wesley;  and  his  house  was  always  open  for  the 
reception  of  that  eminent  servant  of  God,  and  his  accompany- 
ing preachers,  in  their  annual  circuit  visits  to  that  place.  Mr 
AVesley  used  to  preach,  on  these  occasions,  at  Pebworth 
church,  in  a  neighbouring  village:  but  to  provide  more  fre- 
quent  opportunities  for  preaching  the  gospel,  Mr.  Eden  built 
a  small  chapel  at  Broad  Marston,  near  to  his  own  house,  the 
services  of  which  were  always  performed  by  Mr.  Wesley's 
preachers.^  Mr.  Eden  also  left  an  estate,  of  about  £60  a  year 
to  be  expended  in  several  parishes,  for  the  education  of  chil- 
dren, from  the  age  of  five  years,  until  they  were  able  to  ^o  to 
work.  ^ 

We  may  revert  with  equal  pleasure  to  the  christian  charac- 
ter  of  Mrs.  Eden.  It  appears  that  devoted  piety,  and  strict 
attention  to  maternal  duties,  rendered  her  equally  valuable 
both  as  a  wife  and  a  mother.  The  instructions  which  she 
gave  her  children  were  continually  watered  by  her  prayers 
and  tears,  as  well  as  illustrated  by  her  example. 

Though  there  are  sad  instances  to  the  contrary,  yet  it  has 
been  olten  seen  that  eminently  pious  parents  have  been  blessed 
with  eminently  pious  children.  The  command  "Train  up  a 
child  in  the  way  that  he  should  go,"  is  connected  with  the 
proniisc  "and  when  he  is  old,  he  will  not  depart  from  it." 
bt.  Paul,  when  bearing  testimony  to  the  unfeigned  faith  of 
limothy,  calls  to  remembrance  that  which  also  dwelt  first  in 
his  grandmother  Lois,  and  his  mother  Eunice.  A  short  ex- 
tract  from  a  letter  of  Mrs.  Eden's,  dated  Dec.  1781,  addressed 
to  her  second  daughter  Mrs.  Jones,  will  enable  the  reader  to 
form  some  idea  of  Mrs.  Eden's  feelings  both  with  respect  to 
herself  and  her  children.     She  writes  as  follows  •— 


•The  reader  will  remember  that  at  the  period  when  Mr.  Eden  lived, 
the  Church  of  England  was  in  a  lamentahiy  torpid  state,  which  induced 
many  ot  its  pious  members  to  encourage  lay  preachers. 


CHAP.  I FROM  A.  D.  1759  TO  1785.  15 

«  1  thankfully  acknowledge  the  loving-kindness  of  the  Lord, 
in  carrying  on  his  good  work  in  my  soul.  Truly  can  I  sav] 
it  is  my  desire  to  live  entirely  to  his  glory.  Blessed  be  God] 
my  health  is  much  mended  of  late;  and  J  trust  the  Lord  will 
spare  me  longer,  to  make  me  fitter  to  enjoy  his  blissful  pre- 
sence  in  a  glorious  eternity.  1  hope  you  and  Mr.  Jones  go  on 
well,  and  press  after  greater  depths  of  humble  love,  and  more 
of  the  image  of  your  heavenly  Father.  I  have  many  cares 
and  fears;  but  1  cast  them  all  on  him  who  careth  for  me.  The 
souls  of  my  dear  children  lie  heavily  on  my  heart :  but  through 
mercy,  I  find  myself  more  than  ever  resigned  to  the  will  of 
God ;  and  1  desire  to  leave  all  to  him,  and  live  only  to  his 
glory. "_ 

In  this  case,  however,  as  in  many  others,  the  faith  and  pa- 
tience  of  these  pious  parents  were  to" be  tried  bv  not  witnessing 
the  speedy  conversion  of  those  children,  for 'whose  spiritual 
life,  they  had  indeed  "  travailed  in  birth  until  Christ  should  be 
formed  in  them.."  The  bread  cast  upon  the  waters  was,  never- 
theless, found  after  many  days.  Not  only  the  subject  of  this 
memoir,  but  several  of  the  other  children  of  these  pious  parents 
lived  to  become  ornaments  to  society,  and  died  in  the  faith  of 
ihe  Gospel. 

It  may  seem  surprising  that,  with  so  many  religious  advan- 
tages, the  younger  days  of  Miss  Sarah  Eden,  afterwards  Mrs. 
Hawkes,  should  have  been  marked  by  the  love  of  gaity  and 
amusement.  But  it  must  ever  be  remembered,  that  true  piety 
is  not  hereditary.  How  good  soever  the  seed  may  be  which 
has  been  sown,  and  how"^  diligently  soever  it  may  have  been 
watered,  God  alone  can  "  give  the  increase."  The  same  work 
of  regenerating  grace  which  was  needful  for  the  conversion  of 
the  parent,  is  equally  indispensable  for  the  conversion  of  the 
child.  This  truth  needs,  perhaps,  to  be  more  deeply  consi- 
dered  by  Christian  parents.  An  entire  reliance  on  the  work 
of  Divine  grace,  without  any  abatement  of  those  efforts  which 
are  the  absolute  duty  of  parents,  might  cause  the  blessing  to 
descend  more  speedily.  Still,  it  must  be  acknowledged,  that 
grace  is  sovereign ;  and  this  respects  both  the  time  and  man- 
ner of  conversion.  The  subject  of  this  memoir  was  left  for  a 
season  to  seek  satisfaction  where  it  could  never  be  found.  To 
gratify  her  strong  intellect  by  reading,— though  disi'egarding  a 
wise  selection  of  books ;  to  indulge  her  passionate  fondness  for 
music:  and  to  give  herself  to  the  socictv  of  those  equally  gay 
and  young  friends,  who,  captivated  by  her  peculiar  sweetness 
of  disposition,  were  ever  ready  to  seek  her  acquaintance;— oc- 


16  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWES. 

cupied  those  early  years  of  health  and  vigour,  which  she  af- 
terwards, justly  lamented,  as  having  been  lost  in  vanity  and 
folly.  In  looking  back  upon  them,  she  was  ready  to  exclaim 
with  the  Poet, 

"  Oh  !  the  dark  days  of  vanity  !  while  here 
How  tasteless  '   and  how  terrible  when  gone!  "  • 

But  Divince  mercy  had  designed  that  her  own  Avays  should 
correct  her.  While  intent  on  choosing  the  world  for  her  por- 
tion, and  listening  only  to  the  Siren  voice  of  earthly  allure- 
ments,— she  formed  a  connexion  in  marriage  entirely  in  con- 
formity with  such  views. 

The  prospect  was  flattering  as  it  regarded  worldly  advanta- 
ges ;  and,  for  a  short  season,  opportunities  were  thus  afforded 
her  for  drinking  more  deep!}^  of  the  perishable  pleasures  of  this 
world  ;  of  which,  however,  it  may  be  said,  "  Whosoever  drink- 
eth  of  this  water  shall  thirst  again."  John  iv.  13.  In  the 
midst  of  her  career  of  worldly  prosperity,  the  day  of  trouble 
was  fast  approaching;  and  but  for  that  special  mercy  which 
designed  to  "  bring  her  into  the  wilderness,  and  speak  comfor- 
tably to  her,^  and  give  her  vineyards  from  thence,"  Hos.  ii. 
14,  15,  she  would  indeed  have  been  made,  "  like  the  heath  in 
the  desert,  and  would  have  inhabited  the  parched  places  in  the 
wilderness."  Jer.  xvii.  6. 


Young's  Night  Thoughts.  2  u  gpeak  to  her  heart:' 


CHAPTER  II. 

FROM   HER   MARRIAGE    TO    HER   SETTLEMENT    AT 
HOLLOWAY. 

FROM  A.  D.  1785,  TO  1790. 

Her  trials — Her  conduct  under  them — Taken  by  her  sister  to  hear  the 
Rev.  Rich.  Cecil — Receives  deep  religious  impressions — Becomes  a 
constant  attendant  at  St.  John's  Chnpel — First  interview  between  Mr. 
Cecil  and  Mrs.  Hawkes — Begins  to  keep  a  Uiary — Her  entire  change 
of  character — Cautioned  by  Mrs.  Jones  against  going  to  the  Theatre — 
Her  value  of  ordinances — Letter  to  Mrs.  Jones — Visit  to  Broad  Mars- 
tan,  her  native  place — To  Dudley — Correspondence  between  Mrs. 
Hawkes  and  Mrs.  Jones — Mrs.  Hawkes  goes  to  Birmingham — Sermon 
of  the  Rev.  C.  Simeon's  at  St.  Mary's — She  visits  Honey  bourne  and 
other  places,  and  returns  to  London — Mr.  Cecil's  visit — His  remarks 
— His  illness. 

The  connexion  which  Mrs.  Hawkes  had  formed  was  of  a  na- 
ture very  unlikely  to  promote  her  happiness.  The  union 
had  not  been  preceded  by  that  serious  consideration  with  regard 
to  suitableness  in  feelings  and  principles,  so  strongly  recom- 
mended in  our  wise  and  holy  Liturgy.  It  cannot  therefore  be 
thought  surprising  that  her  chief'trials  should  arise  from  this 
quarter. 

During  this  dispensation,  two  features  of  her  character  were 
particularly  manifested,  liamely,  a  capacity  for  patient  endur- 
ance of  evils  which  she  could  not  remedy  ;  and  a  delicacy  of 
feeling  which  made  her  bear  silently  that  sorrow  which  was 
ever  springing  up  afresh  from  deep  and  hidden  recesses :  she 
could  not  so  forget  the  relation  in  which  she  stood,  as  to  dis- 
cuss with  her  fellow  creatures  the  peculiarities  of  lier  case. 

But  when  more  than  human  sympathy  became  needful,  she 
was  to  receive  the  instructive  consolation;  "  My  grace  is  suffi- 
cient for  thee."  In  her  case  was  to  be  exhibited  that  grand 
prerogative  of  the  Gospel,  in  making  "  all  things  work  together 
for  good  "  to  those  who  receive  it.  She  was  taught  to  "  cast 
her  burden  on  the  Lord,"  and  was  enabled  to  understand,  in 
some  measure,  the  design  of  present  trials,  as  effecting  a  me- 
dicinal process,  in  order  to  brmg  about  the  gracious  results 
proposed  in  that  Scripture,  "Behold  1  have  refined  thee,  but 
not  with  silver;  1  have  chosen  thee  in  the  furnace  of  afflic- 
tion." Isa.  xlviii.  10. 
2* 


18  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    IIAWKES. 

While  Mrs.  Hawkes's  mind  was  in  this  state,  a  circumstance 
took  place,  which  though  seemingly  of  small  importance, 
proved,  by  its  results,  to  have  been  overruled  by  that  Divine 
Providence  which  ever  guides  and  directs  human  events.  ]\Irs. 
Havvkes  had  a  pious  sister,  who,  with  her  excellent  husband, 
Mr.  Jones,  belonged  to  the  congregation  of  St.  Mary's  Church, 
Birmingham:  attending  the  ministry  of  the  Rev.  Edw.  Burn. 

Mrs.  Jones  having  meniioned  to  Mr.  Burn  her  intention  of 
visiting  her  sister  in  London,  Mr.  Burn  particularly  recom- 
mended her  going  to  hear  the  Rev.  Richard  Cecil,  while  she 
was  in  town.  In  compliance  with  this  recommendation,  Mrs. 
Jones  went  to  St.  John's  Chapel,  Bedford  Row,  accompanied 
by  Mrs.  Hawkes.  This  occurred  in  the  spring  of  the  year  1787. 

The  impression  made  upon  Mrs.  Hawkes's  mind,  on  this 
occasion,  was  deep  and  abiding.  She  entered  into  the  sanctu- 
ary "a  woman  grieved  in  spirit:"  Isa.  liv.  6.  She  returned 
thence  no  longer  sorrowful,  but  with  new  and  powerful  im- 
pressions of  the  efficacy  of  Scripture  consolations  ;  and  with 
earnest  desires  to  become  a  partaker  of  spiritual  blessings. 
From  this  period  Mrs.  Hawkes  constantly  attended  St.  John's 
Chapel. 

Mr.  Jones,  delighted  to  discover  the  deeply  serious  slate  of 
her  sister's  mind,  and  truly  anxious  to  promote  her  spiritual 
interests,  was  induced  to  write  to  Mr.  Cecil,  after  an  interval 
of  two  years,  and  to  request  he  would  call  upon  Mrs.  Hawkes. 

Mr.  Cecil's  answer  will  be  found  included  in  the  followin<T 
letter,  sent  by  Mrs.  Jones  to  her  sister,  in  the  month  of  Februa- 
ry, 1789,  wherein  she  writes  : — 

"  I  have  been  considering  that  if «  to  obtain  a  friend  is  worth 
all  hazards  we  can  run,'  1  surely  ought  to  venture  somethino- 
towards  procuring  for  you,  if  possible,  the  advice  and  counsel 
of  Mr.  Cecil.  I  have  therefore  written  to  beg  the  favour  of  him 
to  call  upon  you ;  for  I  think  that  the  state  of  your  mind  par- 
ticularly  requires  it.  I  did  this  with  much  fear:  which  1  find 
by  his  kind  answer,  there  was  no  need  for.  I  will  transcribe 
a  part  of  his  letter  for  your  encouragement.  '  I  most  heartily 
join  in  rejoicing  on  the  happy  occasion  of  your  letter  ;  and  the 
angels,  we  are  certainly  informed,  join  us  both.  It  has  been 
matter  of  much  grief  to  me,  during  nearly  nine  years  constant 
labour  among  the  people  of  St.  John's,  to  observe  how  few, 
comparatively  speaking,  believe  the  Gospel  report  to  any  sav- 
ing purpose.  Some  indeed,  I  have  observed  awaking  as  from 
a  dream,  and  setting  out  in  good  earnest  towards  the  kingdom. 
Others  seem  roused  a  little,  but  soon  fall  down  again  in  faster 


CHAr.  II. — FROM  A.  D.  1785  to  1790.       19 

slumber  than  before ;  and  some  seentied  determined  to  sleep  at 
any  rate.  Happy  indeed  shall  I  be  if  Mrs.  Hawkes  is  found 
of  the  first  class, — that  when  the  bridegroom  cometh,  she  may, 
as  a  wise  virgin,  be  prepared  for  all  consequences. 

'  1  shall  hope,  Madam,  for  that  assistance  which  I  am  per- 
suaded your  prayers  will  afford — together  with  those  encour- 
agements and  admonitions  which  young  converts  need  from 
every  quarter.  JZ/y  assistance  can  he  but  general  to  one  whom, 
at  present,  I  know  only  by  name  ;  but  yours  may  be  particu- 
lar and  appropriate:  and  all  will  be  found  little  enough  as 
means,  to  secure  a  profession  which  has  to  grapple  with  the 
disorders  not  only  of  the  careless,  but  religious  world.' 

"  You  see  how  glad  the  servant  of  God  is,  to  hear  of  your 
setting  out.  Do  not  fear  to  speak  to  him  with  freedom ;  the 
good  of  souls  is  the  chief  desire  of  his  heart,  as  well  as  the  ob- 
ject of  his  endeavours.  Though  I  cannot  be  present  with  you 
in  person,  on  Friday,  I  hope  for  particular  access  to  Him,  who 
presides  over  your  conversation,  and  who  will  Himself  be  pre- 
sent by  his  Spirit.  I  mean  particularly  to  observe  that  day 
with  much  prayer.  May  the  Holy  Spirit  be  poured  out  upon 
us  in  rich  abundance.  J  shall  be  almost  one  of  your  party; 
the  ethereal  part  is  not  detained  by  cumbrous  clay.  I  have 
been  much  mortified  on  account  of  my  forgetfulness  of  your 
request;^  but  you  know  my  weakness." 

Mrs.  Hawkes's  first  interview  with  Mr.  Cecil  took  place 
shortly  after;  and  thus  commenced  a  sacred  friendship,  begun 
indeed  in  time,  but  reaching  to  eternity  ;  a  relationship  between 
a  father  in  the  Gospel,  and  a  spiritual  child,  who  was  to  be 
his  joy  and  crown  at  the  appearing  of  Jesus  Christ. 
_  The  advantages  which  Mrs.  Hawkes  derived  from  Mr.  Ce- 
cil's ministry  and  private  instructions,  will  best  be  seen  by  a 
reference  to  her  diary.  Many  of  her  memorandums  being  in 
an  obsure  short  hand,  must  unavoidably  be  lost.  Some  ex- 
tracts from  those  which  are  written  at  length,  will  show  the 
progress  of  Divine  grace  in  her  mind.  The  following  was  an 
account  of  her  first  interview  with  Mr.  Cecil. 

Feb.  17,  1789.  "  A  day  to  me  very  momentous  :  I  look 
upon  myself  to-day  as  having  entered  the  list  of  public  profes- 
sors of  Christianity  ;  i.  e.  to  have  declared  myself  as  a  follow- 
er of  Christ. 

"For  many  years  past  I  have  been  much  stumbled  by  mark- 


i  An  engagement  to  meet  at  a  certain  hour  for  prayer. 


20  ME3I0IRS    OF    MRS.    IIAWKES. 

ing  the  spirit,  temper,  and  conduct  of  some  professors.  This 
may  have  been  partly  Irom  my  own  ignorance  of  human  na- 
ture, and  partly  from  erecting  too  high  a  standard  for  profes- 
sors in  general.  For  though  that  religion  connot  be  real 
which  does  not  in  some  degree  make  old  things  become  new, 
yet  I  have  expected,  perhaps,  that  it  should  change  men  into 
angels.  This  view,  however,  has  made  me  to  say  to  myself 
over  and  over,  If  ever  1  am  religious,  I  will  keep  it  a  secret; 
for  I  will  never  make  a  profession,  lest  I  too,  should  fall  below 
the  mark,  and  disgrace  that  sacred  cause.  A  dread  of  this 
has,  for  many  years,  made  me  silent  when  my  heart  was  at 
times  stirred  :  but  more  especially  since  I  first  heard  at  St. 
John's,  two  years  ago.  My  mind  before  this  period,  was 
merely  transiently  impressed,  and  the  impressions  v/ore  away, 
and  vanished  like  the  morning  dew ;  but  from  the  first  time 
of  hearing  Mr.  Cecil,  I  earnestly  began  to  cry  out,  '  What 

SHALL  I  DO  TO  BE  SAVED.' 

"  During  the  last  two  years  I  have  literally  '  roared  with  an- 
guish of  spirit.'  The  arrows  of  the  Almighty  have  stuck  so 
fast  in  me.  Temptations  from  the  world — temptations  from 
within, — and  most  horrible  temptations  or  suggestions  from 
my  spiritual  enemy — have  made  my  f^esh  tremble.  The  only 
thing  that  seemed  to  save  me  from  absolute  despair  and  distrac- 
tion, was  the  reading  Christian's  fight  wilh  Apollyon  ;  and  his 
walk  through  the  dark  valley,  in  the  Pilgri3i's  Progress. 

"  It  is  generally  believed  among  many  of  my  acquaintance 
that  I  am  mad.  I  have  been  mad  with  vanity  and  folly,  but 
I  trust  that  now  the  Lord  is  bringing  me  to  a  right  mind. 

"  Though  I  have  many  very  godly  acquaintan'ce  and  friends, 
I  could  never  speak  my  mind  to  them  ;  and  I  durst  not  speak 
to  my  minister,  whom  1  never  flail  to  hear,  because  of  my  de- 
termination to  keep  my  religion  to  myself.  At  length,  how- 
ever, after  much  sorrow,  and  many  prayers.  He  that^promises 
help  in  time  of  need,  sent  his  faithful  and  kind  messenger  to 
me,  the  least  of  all,  with  words  of  admonition,  comfort,  and 
instruction  ;  which,  while  they  are,  I  trust,  engraven  on  my 
heart,  I  am  also  desirous  to  retain  in  my  memory  as  to  the 
jyarticidars  :  and  thus  to  secure  to  myself  the  advantage  of  of- 
ten looking  them  over. 

"  In  conversing,  I  first  named  my  great  and  long  predomin- 
ating  fear  of  making  a  profession,  lest  I  should  dishonour  God. 
To  which  Mr.  C.  replied, — '  Every  Christian  must  meet  with 
difficulties,  temptations,  and  trials  ;  and  so  will  you.  But 
what  then?  Is  not  God  able  to  defend  you?  We,  as  ministers 


CHAP.  II. FROM  A.  D.  1785  TO  1790.  21 

of  the  Gospel,  greatly  rejoice  to  direct  and  assist  our  flock  ; 
but  in  a  thousand  cases,  it  is  utterly  out  of  our  power  to  do  it, 
even  where  we  are  most  intimate.  You  will  frequently  find 
yourself  alone  in  your  journey,  and  feel  that  you  can  turn  to 
no  friend  on  earth  for  direction.  In  such  cases,  you  must  not 
be  dismayed,  but  trust  in  God  ;  and  feel  out  your  way  like  one 
groping  in  the  dark ;  take  a  step  at  a  time. 

'  On  the  other  hand,  take  care,  when  you  receive  help  from 
any  friend,  or  your  minister,  that  you  do  not  lean  too  much 
upon  them,  nor  be  too  anxious  for  their  support.  We  are  all 
poor  earthen  vessels. 

'  Watch  and  pray  against  failures;  but  take  heed  of  despond- 
ing under  them.  Be  content  to  travel  as  you  are  able.  The 
oak  springs  from  the  acorn  ;  but  does  it  become  a  tree  at  once  ? 
Because  the  stage  waggon  cannot  travel  to  York  as  fast  as  the 
stage  conch,  would  you  therefore  say  it  will  never  get  to  York  ? 
The  mushroom  springs  up  in  a  night;  but  what  is  the  mushroom? 

'  You  must  not  look  for  perfection  either  in  yourself  or  others. 
Not  to  allow  for  the  infirmities  and  defects  of  a  fallen  nature, 
is  not  to  understand  any  thing  about  the  matter  ;  nay,  it  is  to 
speak  directly  contrary  to  the  Bible,  the  standard  of  all  truth. 
There  never  was  more  than  one  perfect  character  upon  earth, 
and  he  was  the  most  tender  and  compassionate  towards  the 
imperfections  of  men.  He  knew  what  was  in  man,  for  he 
looked  at  the  heart ;  and  if  he  saw  that  right,  he  pitied,  where 
those  who  judged  only  by  the  oiiticard  apperance,  blamed  ; 
and  defended,  where  they  condemned. 

*  There  is  one  distinction  you  should  keep  very  clear  in  your 
mind — that  religion  itself,  in  its  essence,  is  perfect ;  as  our 
rule  and  standard  it  is  unerring  ;  nor  can  it  be  affected  by  the 
inconsistences  or  imperfections  of  its  professors  :  the  standard 
remains  the  same  :  the  balances  are  true :  but  when  its  pro- 
fessors are  weighed  therein, — even  the  very  best  of  them, — 
they  are  found  wanting.  Our  aim  must  be  to  get  every  day 
nearer  the  standard  ;  for  w  hoever  does  not  labour,  not  merely 
desire,  but  labovr  to  be  a  better  Christian  every  day,  is  not  yet 
a  Christian  at  all.  Yet  in  this  you  must  exercise  patience. 
Do  not  measure  yourself  by  a  false  standard.  There  are  no 
doubt  giants  in  the  Christian  world, — but  would  you  be  a  giant 
at  once?  Do  not  be  satisfied  to  be  a  dwarf;  but  remember 
there  must  be  time  to  grow.' 

Question  to  Mr.  C.  respecting  dress. 

Ansiver  :  'Religion  takes  root  in  the  heart,  and  when  it 
has  once  got  deeply  rooted,  it  will  be  sure  to  regulate  every 


22  ME3I01RS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

thing  without.  It  will  so  occupy  the  mind,  that  every  thing 
else  will  begin  to  lose  its  importance.  Religion  puts  every 
thing  in  its  proper  place;  and  makes  present  things  lighter 
than  vanity.  Even  business,  or  literature,  or  science,  if  any 
one  of  these  takes  full  possession  of  the  mind,  it  makes  dress 
a  very  insigniticant  thing;  and  often  neglected  even  to  sloven- 
liness. How  much  more  indifferent  will  religion  make  us 
about  it.  Nevertheless,  it  is  good  to  avoid  singularity  of 
habit.  No  real  Christian  can  give  into  the  butterfly  fooleries 
and  extravagances  of  dress, — any  more  than  they  can  run  into 
the  dissipation  of  worldly  company.  Religion  does  not  bid 
you  turn  hermit,  but  rather  to  ornament  your  station. 

*  Be  careful,  in  your  commerce  with  the  world,  to  act  up  to 
the  character  you  profess.  Do  not  put  on  a  Pharisaical  man- 
ner of,  "  Stand  by,  for  1  am  holier  than  thou."  Yet  let  it  ap- 
pear, that  while  you  are  under  the  necessity  of  hearing  their 
vain  conversation,  you  have  no  taste  for  it;  no  delight  or  in- 
terest in  it.     A  humble,  kind  silence  often  utters  ?nuch. 

'  None  can  pretend  to  say  how  far  you  may  intermix  in 
worldly  company,  and  get  no  stain  or  soil.  Situation,  circum- 
stances, &c.,  must  all  be  taken  into  consideration.  But  this 
may  be  said,  that  he  only  mixes  with  the  world  with  safety, 
who  does  it  not  from  inclination,  but  necessity. 

« As  to  amusements,  and  what  are  called  recreations,  a  really 
awakened  Christian  will  neither  find  taste  nor  leisure  for  them. 
Religion  furnishes  the  mind  with  objects  sufficient  to  fill  up 
every  vacancy.  Yet  as  you  name  them,  I  would  have  you 
mark  carefully  every  thing  that  disposes  or  indisposes  the 
mind  to  holy  pursuits.  Persons  of  tender  health  are  very  care- 
ful to  avoid  whatever  is  hurtful;  such  as  damps — infectious 
rooms — blighting  winds.  They  attend  to  the  injunctions  of 
their  physicians,  the  cautions  of  their  friends,  &c.  If  people 
were  but  as  careful  about  their  spiritual  health  as  they  are  of 
their  bodily  health,  we  should  see  much  stronger  and  taller 
Christians. 

'Above  all,  before  you  become  a  pilgrim,  sit  down  and 
COUNT  THE  COST.  Your  joumcy  is  up-hill  every  step  of 
the  way.  You  have  foes  within,  ready  to  join  with  foes 
without  to  hinder,  perplex,  alarm,  and  distress  you.  Wisdom 
in  the  fight,  is  only  to  be  gained  by  fighting.  If  the  young 
convert  could  learn  from  the  old  Christian,  what  experience 
alone  can  teach,  he  might  have  a  far  easier  journey  ;  but  each 
one  must  learn  it  for  himself,  and  often  by  very  painful  disci- 
pline.     Nor  must  we  think  our  case  hard,  if  we  arc  made  to 


CHAP.  II. FROBI  A.  D.  1785  TO  1790.  23 

pass  through  much  tribulation  ;  since  it  is  the  way  of  all  be- 
lievers—nay of  Christ  himself. 

'  No  doubt  God  could  have  led  his  people  by  an  easier  me- 
thod.  But  since  he  has  chosen  this,  it  must  be  the  best.  He 
could  have  brought  the  Israelites  into  the  land  of  promise  by  a 
shorter  and  a  smoother  way  :  but  what  he  did  was  intended  to 
prove  them;  to  show  them  what  was  in  their  hearts— and  to 
be  a  lesson  to  us. 

*  Take  care  that  you  never  harbour  hard  thoughts  of  God. 
It  is  one  of  Satan's  chief  devices,  to  make  you  think  dishon- 
ourably of  God.  Nolhing  is  more  displeasing  to  God,  nor 
more  injurious  to  the  life  of  religion.  See  the  slothful  servant 
in  the  Gospel. 

'Throughout  the  Scriptures  you  see  how  gracious  God  is  : 
How  he  stoops  to  the  poorest  creature  that  comes  to  him 
through  a  mediator:  How  small  an  offering  he  will  accept; 
if  there  can  be  hut  a  small  one.  A  single  sigh  from  a  contrite 
heart  will  penetrate  his  ear. 

'  Wherever  God  gives  faith  he  will  try  it ;  and  whoever  be- 
comes a  follower  of  Christ,  must  deny  himself,  and  take  up  his 
cross— must  make  great  sacrifices— such  as  right  hands,  and 
right  eyes  :  must  expect  opposition,  persecution,  mortification, 
cruel  scoffings,— not  only  from  the  world,  buf  from  nearest 
and  dearest  friends.  A  man's  sharpest  and  bitterest  foes  are 
"those  of  his  own  household."  You  must  set  vour  face  like 
a  flint  against  threatenings,  and  against  allurements. 

'But  1  would  warn  you  of  another  danger  arisin^r  from  a 
quarter  you  may  least  expect— namely,  from  the  religious 
WORLD  ITSELF.  There  are  stumbling-blocks  even  in  the 
church ;  there  are  many  professors,  who^,  when  they  see  a  per- 
son setting  out  in  religion,  will  advise,  one  this  course,  and 
one  that.  One  sort  says,  "  religion  is  in  its  best  estate  among 
ws."  Another  sort  says,  "  among  ws;"_and  the  voung  con- 
vert,  having  a  tender  conscience,  desirous  of  beiriir  right,  is 
often  greatly  perplexed  ;  for  he  finds  that  in  the  religfous  world 
there  is  a  party  spirit.  Instead  of  obtaining  the  milk  of  the 
word,  he  has  to  distinguish  between  hones  of  doctrine  ;  till  at 
last  he  begins  to  doubt  if  there  be  any  true  spirit  of  religion  at  all. 
'  Do  not  form  too  high  expectations  from  the  professing 
world.  Do  not  be  in  haste  to  form  connexions— to  make  ac*^ 
quaintances— to  place  confidence— to  turn  to  every  professor 
and  say,  lead  me. 

'Do  not  enter  into  the  list  of  religious  gossips  ;  who  may 
not  only  puzzle  you   about  hard  points  of  doctrine,  but  may 


24  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

lead  you  to  waste  your  time  to  no  purpose,  in  going  from  house 
to  house,  talking,  instead  of  getting  into  the  spirit  of  unity. 
There  are  too  many  of  this  sort;  whose  chief  religion  lies  in 
rroinf'  from  church  to  church  to  hear,  and  from  house  !o  house 
to  prate;  but  who  are  too  seldom  in  their  closets,  too  seldom 
in  close  converse  with  God.  Retired  Christianity  is  the  truest. 
It  is  easy  to  fill  the  head  with  notions  ;  but  to  sit  still  like 
Mary,  at  Christ's  feet,  and  be  a  learner,  is  far  better.  Always 
be  afraid  of  a  specious  religion. 

'  However  high  the  cost  may  be  of  becoming  a  pilgrim,  do 
not  be  disheartened.  Remember,  greater  is  He  that  is  for 
you,  than  he  that  is  against  you.  The  Gospel  requires  nothing 
which  it  does  not  give  you  strength  to  perform.  You  must 
either  wear  Christ's  yoke,  or  the  devil's  yoke ;  and  it  need  not 
be  told  you  which  is  the  easiest.  Godliness  is  great  riches 
even  in  this  world;  and  what  shall  you  share  in  the  next?  If 
you  be  heartily  on  God's  side,  he  will  be  on  yours.'' 

Ques.  "  But  suppose  I  should  be  in  the  number  of  such  as 
shall  '  seek  to  enter  in,  and  not  be  able?' " 

Ans.  '  Observe,  there  is  a  material  difference  between  one 
that  only  seeks  to  enter  in — and  one  that  strives  to  enter  in. 
It  is  said,  "  strive  to  enter  in  at  the  strait  gate  ;  for  many  shall 
seel',  and  not  be  able."  Here  striving  is  distinguished  from 
seeking.  Do  not  be  a  listless  uncertain  seeker  :  but  strive  de- 
lerminately — constantly — earnestly.  Be  like  ihe  merchant, 
whose  head  and  heart  are  always  on  his  merchandise.  He 
watches  wind  and  weather — seizes  every  favourable  turn  in 
business.  He  is  all  energy — all  pursuit — no(hinor  can  divert 
him  from  his  point.  They  that  thus  strive  to  enter  in  al  the 
strait  gate,  taking  God's  way  and  help,  shall  never  fail. 

'But  the  Christian  must  wait  as  well  as  pursue.  He  must 
exercise  faith  and  patience  as  well  as  diligence.  The  husband- 
man wailcth  long  for  the  harvest.  You  must  have  patience 
with  yourself.  You  must  have  patience  with  God.  There  is 
nothing  which  young  Christians  are  more  apt  to  fall  into  than 
impatience.  If  they  do  not  immediately  see  an  answer  to  their 
pravers,  ihey  say,  "  The  Lord  does  not  hear — he  does  not  re- 
gard." Whereas,  you  must  fix  your  faith  in  the  promise  and 
word  of  God;  which  declares,  he  does  hear,  whatever  appear- 
ances mny  be.  He  may  not  answer  your  prayers  in  your 
time,  but  he  will  answer  them  in  the  best  time.  Do  not  judge 
from  your  frames  and  feelings  ;  but  by  the  word  of  God,  which 
says,  "  I  will  hear  them  that  call  upon  me." — "  Faithful  is  he 
that  lialh  promised."  ' 


CHAP.  II.-— FROM  A.  D.  1785  TO  1790.         25 

Ques.  "  How  far  those  persons  are  right,  who  insist  upon 
our  ascertaining  the  precise  time,  and  manner,  when  the  par- 
don of  sin  is  acluaily  received?  " 

Arts.  *The  best  evidence  of  the  pardon  of  sin,  is,  that  we 
bring  forth  the  fruits  of  righteousness.  Evidence  is  the  child 
of  experience.  Those  who  talk  of  sudden  and  instantaneous 
assurance,  talk  at  random.  Assurance  is  a  fruit  and  effect  of 
figfjteousness.     It  is  progressive.' 

Ques.  "  How  far  I  might,  with  safety,  indulge  my  strono- 
passion  for  music  V  ^  a 

"Mr.  Cecil  replied  with  solemnity,  «  You  may  indulge  that 
as  well  as  every  other  taste,  as  far  as  it  tends  to  the  gfory  of 
God,  and  does  not  interfere  with  the  progress  of  the^soul  in 
divine  things.' 

"  I  feel  self-condemnation,  and  captivity.  But  by  Divine 
help,  I  will  endeavour  to  set  this  rule  before  me;  and  will 
make  a  stand,  whatever  it  may  cost  me,  against  what  I  think 
1  may  call  my  ruling  passion. 

"  I  count  it  a  snare,  and  a  misfortune,  for  a  young  woman 
to  be  in  the  habit  of  exhibiting  any  talent  she'  is  peculiarly 
famed  for.  I  have  felt  its  evil,  and  I  know  that  a  good  voice 
has  many  temptations.  Mothers  and  friends  are  too  apt  to 
gratify  themselves  and  their  daughters,  at  the  expense  of  dis- 
cretion and  propriety.  Not  that  this  was  the  case  with  mv 
dear  and  honoured  mother;  for  she  never  would  allow  me,  if 
she  knew  it,  to  sing  any  thing  but  Psalms  and  Hymns.  But 
alas  !  this  did  not  satisfy  me.     I  now  see  my  folly. "^ 

The  next  extracts  mark  the  entire  change  of  character  and 
taste  which  a  true  reception  of  the  Gospel  will  always  effect ; 
as  well  as  that  opposition  frequently  manifested  by  those  who 
are  unacquainted  with  its  efncacy. 

April,  1789 — "  Certain  friends  who  have  been  in  the  habit 
of  dining,  and  dawdling  away  the  Sunday  with  us,  think  I  am 
mad,  or  at  least  that  I  am  a  dreadful  bigot.  '  I  used,'  they 
say,  '  to  be  amiable  and  obliging.  Why  not,  as  formerly,  go 
to  the  Foundling— the  Asylum,  the  Magdalen— or  drive  in  the 
park.  Off  to  Church  in  the  morning— hurry  over  your  din- 
ner, off  again  in  the  afternoon—then  off  to  Church'ao-ain  in 
the  evening  !  It  is  too  much  of  a  thing.  Mr.  H.  ou|ht  not 
to  suffer  It.  Never  any  woman  was  so  chanfred! '  Ah  so  I 
had  need  to  be  ;  so  I  desire  to  be.     I  have  dawdled  away  too 

'  Mrs.  Hawkes  observed  to  a  friend,  that  the  sinking  of  songs  was  a 
part  of  worldly  conformity— Me  last  she  was  able  to  give  up. 


26  MEMOIRS  OF  3rRS.  HAWKES. 

many  Sabbaths.  I  now  begin  to  taste  the  comforts  of  this 
change  ;  and  by  the  help  of  God,  I  will  persevere,  however  I 
may  be  ridiculed  or  hated." 

iVed. — "  I  prize  my  Wednesdays,  and  long  for  their  com- 
ing round,  because  of  the  delightful  evenings  at  Long  Acre 
Chapel.  Ah,  how  much  more  comfort  have  I  now  than  for- 
merly in  going  to  the  theatre  ;  which  I  was  so  immoderately 
fond  of,  as  to  believe  I  could  never  become  indifferent  to  it.  A 
letter  from  my  invaluable  sister  Jones  did  me  much  good  upon 
this  point." 

Extracts  from  the  religious  correspondence  between  Mrs. 
Hawkes  and  Mrs.  Jones  having  been  preserved,  and  kindly 
furnished  by  a  member  of  Mrs.  Hawkes's  family,  an  opportu- 
nity is  atforded  of  supplying  that  port  of  Mrs.  Jones's  letter 
to  which  allusion  has  just  been  made  ;  it  is  as  follows  : — 

"You  ask  me  respecting  the  innocence  of  going  to  hear  and 
see  Mrs.  Siddons.  For  my  own  part,  though  my  taste  might 
be  pleased,  I  should  be  afraid  to  frequent  the  theatre,  because 
of  the  evil  influence  attending  such  places.  I  apprehend  that 
if,  in  such  an  assembly,  our  eyes,  like  those  of  the  servant 
of  Elisha,  were  opened,  we  should  see  a  host  of  evil  spirits  differ- 
ently engaged,  according  to  the  variety  of  dispositions  and  pro- 
pensities they  had  to  encounter;  and  we  might  reasonably  ex- 
pect, that  if  any  of  the  worshippers  of  God  had  dared  to  ven- 
ture into  a  place  so  consecrated  to  Satan,  that  he  would  appoint 
some  of  his  first  engines  to  attack  them." 

Mrs.  Hawkes  next  notices  in  her  diary,  a  visit  to  a  clergy- 
man in  the  country,  who  had  "  run  well,"  but  who  from  her 
reflections  seems  to  have  been  a  backslider.  Her  remarks 
show  that  her  own  conscience  was  truly  tender,  and  keenly 
alive  to  the  concerns  of  her  soul. 

May  3,  1789. — "Arrived  at ,  a  beautiful  rural   spot. 

Much  money  has  been  expended  to  beautify  the  house  and  gar- 
dens : — but  alas  !  I  perceive  that  though  their  possessor  has 
recourse  to  employment — to  music — to  company — he  is  like 
the  dove  that  found  no  rest  for  the  sole  of  her  foot.  Oh,  that 
he  would  return  to  the  ark  !  " 

Sunday. — "  A  beautiful  little  church,  on  an  enchanting  spot 
of  rising  ground,  very  picturesque  and  interesting.  But,  the 
waters  are  bitter  ;  nothing  grows  ! 

"  My  prayers  and  tears  will  not  avail,  but  who  can  tell  !  " 

June  25. — "  Returned  to  town.  My  revered  minister,  and 
the  Rev.  Mr.  Burn,  breakfasted  with  us.  *  The  tongue  of  the 
just  is  as  choice  silver.' 


CHAP.  II.— FR03I  A.  D.  1785  TO  1790.  27 

*'  My  trials  at  home  seem  heavier  after  an  absence.  «  The 
heart  kno^veth  its  own  bitterness.'  When  shall  I  have  attained 
that  seem.ngl>'  hard  lesson,  to  do  tvell  and  suffer  for  it  patient- 
ly? J  can  suffer  for  it  silently,  but  where  is  patience,  love,  re- 
signation  ?  '  t  ret  not  thyself  in  any  wise  to  do  evil.' 
^  "  The  brightest  morning  has  often  the  darkest  evenintr.  So 
It  has  been  with  me  to-day.  So  feeble  is  the  texture  Sf  my 
mmd,  that  it  is  easily  thrown  into  disquietude  :  but  many  tears 
will  not  compose  it  again.  No  wonder  that  such  a  poor,  re- 
beilious,  proud,  sinful  creature  as  I  am,  should  need,  and  have 
correction:  but  how  far  less  have  I  than  I  deserve!  I  would 
desire  to  receive  chastening  as  my  necessary  food,  for  '  Whom 
the  Lord  loveth  he  chasteneth.' " 

Mrs.  Hawkes's  dispensation  was  indeed  one  of  varied  and 
iong.continued  suffering.  He,  however,  who  for  wise  ends 
had  so  ordered  It,  had  given  her  a  willing  and  obedient  spirit, 
ready  to  take  the  appointed  yoke  and  wear  it  patiently  :  which 
disposition  was  in  itself  a  special  blessing.  Consolations  of 
the  highest  order  were  also  provided  for  her.  In  her  knowled^G 
of  Christ  she  found,  "A  tabernacle  for  a  shadow  in  the  day 
time  from  the  heat,  and  for  a  place  of  refuge,  and  for  a  covert 
from  storm  and  from  rain."  Isaiah  iv.  6.  The  followina  re- 
cords  will  show,  that  while  travelling  through  a  dry  and  weary 
iand  and  under  a  scorching  sun,  it  was  in  the  sanctuary  that 
she  found  shade.  ^ 

Sunday,  June  28.-'<  My  heart  leaps  for  joy  in  mv  restora- 
tion  to  my  beloved  and  highly-valued  privileges.  "'I  would 
rather  be  a  door-keeper  in  the  house  of  my  God,  than  dwell  in 
the  palaces  of  the  ungodly.'  " 

Sunday,  July  5.-!"  Great  weakness  of  body-many  sharp 
trials  from  without-a  disturbed  and  distracted  mind-an  evi^i 
foolish  imagination-a  malignant  enemy,-all  attack  me.  But 
there  is  a  rock  in  this  weary  land." 

Mm.—''  Never  again  comply  with  any  solicitations  to  leave 
my  appointed  place  of  worship ;  for  where  can  I  go  to  be  so  richly 
led  f  Better  say  no  to  a  friend,  than  say  ijes,  to  my  soul's  loss !  " 
Sunday,  July  12.-- I  feel  it  a  profitable  indulgence  to  at- 
tend  early  worship  at  Lothbury.  The  season  is  sacred,  the 
bustle  and  folly  of  the  world  is  not  yet  awake  ,•  there  is  a  holy 
sympathy  in  the  congregation  ;  and  the  ordinance  of  the  Lord's 
Supper  IS  peculiarly  delightful.  I  ought  to  think  little  of  my 
week-day  sorrows,  for  such  inestimable  favours  on  the  Sabbath. 
Sunday,  J///^  19.-- 1  find  it  good  to  rise  early  to  secure 
time,  before  public   worship,  for  reading  and  prayer:  and  in 


28  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.  HAWKES. 

order  that  I  may  do  this,  let  me  imitate  my  honoured  mother's 
custom  of  getting  every  thing  of  family  l)usiness  done  on  the 
Saturday  niglU.  She  never  failed  to  have  every  thing  done, 
even  to  the  preparation  of  every  article  for  dinner;  so  that  her- 
self, children  and  servants,  were  freed  from  all  occupation  on 
the  Sabhath.  I  recollect  with  reverence  her  godly  habits. 
Alas !  how  little  did  1  honour  her  as  1  ought  to  have  done  when 
she  was  living.  But  I  feel  the  benefitof  her  pious  example  now" 

Sunday^  July  26. — "  Too  ill  to  observe  my  usual  habit  of 
rising  early.  The  Lord  will  have  '  mercy  and  not  sacrifice.' 
1  am  enabled  this  day  to  set  to  my  seal,  that  in  the  sanctuary 
I  have  found  rivers  of  living  water;  and  my  dim  eyes  begin  to 
see  a  litlle  of  the  beauty  of  the  Sun  of  Righteousness." 

Sunday,  Avgust  2. — "  Who  ever  trusted  in  the  Lord  and 
was  disappointed?  Who  ever  came  to  him  desiring  to  be  fed 
with  the  bread  of  heaven,  and  was  sent  empty  away  ?  Not  I, 
this  day,  unworthy  as  I  am!  I  am  made,  in  a  manner,  to  for- 
get all  the  piercing  sorrows  of  the  week,  and  to  say,  let  me 
only  be  favoured  with  the  presence  of  my  Saviour,  and  wel- 
come all  my  allotted  trials." 

Thus  as  a  new-born  babe  did  Mrs.  Hawkes  "  desire  the  sin- 
cere milk  of  the  word,  that  she  might  grow  thereby."  She 
expresses  strongly,  in  the  following  letter  to  Mrs.  Jones,  that 
support  which  she  now  derived,  even  in  the  midst  of  outward 
trials,  from  the  consolations  of  religion. 

"  This  has  been  a  choice  morning  to  my  poor  barren  soul, 
which  for  the  last  week  has  been  tried  within  and  without. 
But  blessed  be  my  gracious  Lord,  who  hath  poured  water  up- 
on the  dry  ground  of  my  heart,  and  caused  it  to  breathe  forth, 
longing,  panting,  desires  after  Himself.  I  feel  the  relYeshing 
droppings  of  his  Spirit ;  and  I  am  constrained  to  go  out  atler 
him,  whom,  having  not  seen  (glory  be  to  his  name,)  I  inex- 
pressibly love  and  adore!  Oh,  the  preciousness  of  a  present 
Saviour!  Oh,  that  he  were  thus  ever  present  !  1  fear  that  I  am 
not  enough  thankful  for  the  goodness  of  my  God.  When  heavy 
trials  come,  1  am  too  apt  to  be  bowed  down.  Not  murmuring, 
thank  God;  I  think  I  have  not  for  a  long  time  felt  anything 
of  that : — but  I  fear  1  am  not  rejoicing  as  I  ought  to  be,  for  the 
many  mercies  that  are  mixed  with  my  great  trials.  1  call  up- 
on you  to  unite  with  me  in  praise  and  thanksgiving;  I  cannot 
give  words  to  my  full  heart  I'or  the  goodness  and  tenderness 
of  God  to  me,  the  most  unworthy  of  all  his  creatures.  Glory 
be  to  his  name,  that  he  has  graciously  caused  me  to  seek,  and 
to  find  Him; — that  by  bringing  me  into  his  marvellous  light, 


CHAP.  II. FROM  A.  D.  1765  TO  1790.         29 

he  has  afforded  me  such  superior  enjoyments,  such  ennoblintr 
views,  such  secret  and  solid  satisfaction  ;  such  as,  I  am  sure° 
never  entered  into  my  heart  to  conceive !  Oh,  it  is  all  wonder 
and  astonishment,  that  so  much  mercy  should  be  bestowed  on 
so  undeserving  a  wretch  !  But  these  aVethe  benefits  and  bless- 
ings of  redeeming  love.  Perhaps  you  will  say,  I  am  indulg- 
ing  too  high  a  flight.  But  who  can  soar  too  high,  when  con- 
templating  the  wondrous  works  of  redemption?  It  is  only  to 
you,  that  I  indulge  the  overflowing  of  my  gratitude;  one  turn 
of  my  conscious  eye  into  my  vile  ^seJf,  at  once  awes  and  chas- 
tises my  rapture;  and  tells  me,  with  such  favours,  how  far  I 
am  from  what  I  ought  to  be." 

The  spiritual  joy  with  w^hich  Mrs.  Hawkes  was  favoured  in 
the  early  stages  of  her  conversion,  together  wn'th  her  severe 
trials,  exemplified  in  a  striking  manner  the  fulfilment  of  that 
promise,  "I  will  betroth  thee  unlo  me  for  ever;  yea,  I  will 
betroth  thee  unfo  me  in  righteousness,  and  in  judgment,  and  in 
loving-kindness,  and  in  mercies:  I  will  even  betroth  thee  unto 
me  in  faithfulness  ;  and  thou  shalt  know  the  Lord."  Hosea  ii. 
19,  20.  It  is,  however,  one  characteristic  of  the  new  creature  to 
be  subject  to  fears  respecting  its  preservation.  These  fears  are 
naturally  expressed  in  the  following  extract  from  her  diary. 
_  August  3.—"  I  am  truly  cast  down  because  the  time  is  ar- 
rived when  we  make  our  annual  visit  into  the  country.  Some 
of  the  places  to  which  I  must  go  are  peculiarly  unfavourable 
to  religion.  I  have  also  formerly  exhibited  there  gaiety  and 
folly.  I  have  now  to  make  a  stand,  and  support  a  very  dif- 
ferent character.  I  am  young  and  inexperienced  in  Christiani- 
ty ;  I  shall  have  no  support  from  any  creature.  What  if  I 
should  fall  into  temptation?  what  if  I  should  be  among  such 
as  are  ashamed  of  Jesus  and  his  cause?  what  if  I  sho'iild  be 
like  Pliable,  and  slide  away  into  unworthy  compliances  !  My 
very  heart  is  ready  to  faint  with  fear.  But  I  will  pray  with 
Jabez,  '  O,  that  thou  wouidest  bless  me  indeed,  and  let  thine 
hand  be  with  me  to  keep  me  from  evil.'  " 

Broad  3Iarsfon.^  August  7.—"  Through  mercy,  I  am  here 
m  safety,  and  find  my  valuable  brother  Henry  in  better  health. 
May  his  life  long  be  spared.  He  is  a  great  ornament  to  reli- 
gion, and  a  comfort  to  all  about  him.  His  great  strength  of 
understanding,  and  his  remarkable  aimableness  and  comp'osure 

'The  paternal  residence;  and  where  Mrs.  Hawkes  had  lived  till  the 
time  of  her  marriage.     Her  second  brother,  Henry,  continued  to  rent  the 
estate  after  the  death  of  his  parents. 
3* 


30  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

of  temper,  are  truly  admirable.  I  have  lived  with  him  many 
yearvS,  but  I  do  not  remember  to  have  seen  him  angry  on  more 
than  one  occasion.  Whenever  he  reproved  eilhnr  friend,  do- 
mestic, or  labourer,  it  was  with  mildness  and  dignity  ;  and  his 
unclouded,  cheerful,  genuine  piety,  spread  a  lustre  over  the 
whole  of  his  character  that  was  not  to  be  described.  O  may 
1  copy  his  bright  example." 

Avgvst  9. — "  I  have  been  shutting  myself  up  in  my  dear 
departed  mother's  chamber,  the  very  walls  and  furniture  of 
which  are  sacred.  A  thousand  times  have  I  marked  her  re- 
tiring into  it  for  purposes  of  devotion.  Often  have  I  overheard 
her  strong  cries  and  tears  to  God,  and  often  caught  the  sound 
of,  '  MY  CHILDREN,'  as  if  that  interest  was  uppermost.  At 
morning,  at  noon,  and  at  evening,  she  never  failed  to  retire  to 
read  and  pray.  Thousands  of  tears  has  she  shed  in  this  cham- 
ber: where  1  have  sometimes  had  the  privilege  of  kneeling 
down  by  her  side.  How  present  in  her  image  !  how  sweet  my 
communion  with  her  departed  spirit!  Little  did  I  then  know 
the  value  of  her  intercession  for  lier  children  ;  or  the  weight 
of  her  character  or  example  as  a  Christian.  Thank  God,  I 
know  it  now  ;  and  abhor  myself  in  proportion  as  I  estimate 
her*  Oh  that  I  might  but  tread  in  her  honoured  steps  !  Oh 
that  her  prayers  for  every  one  of  us  may  be  like  '  bread  cast 
upon  the  waters,'  found  after  many  days  !  Oh  may  my  dear 
mother's  God  be  my  God!  He  graciously  carried  her  through 
many  years  of  weakness  and  sorrow.  He  enabled  her  to  walk 
worthy  of  her  high  calling;  and  he  stood  by  her  in  a  dying 
hour.  Her  last  words  were,  '  For  me  to  die  is  gain' — and,  '1 
will  pray  for  my  children  while  I  liave  breath.' 

"  My  brother seemed  much  upon  her  mind.     Oh  may 

his  mother  be  much  upon  his  mind,  and  upon  all  our  minds  ; 
and  may  we  meet  her  in  glory  !  Who  knows  but  her  happy 
spirit  has  been  a  witness  to  my  secret  transactions  in  her  for- 
mer chamber.  May  all  my  transactions  through  life  be  equal- 
ly pleasing  in  her  eyes  !  " 

Dudley. — "  I  am  here  truly  '  like  a  sparrow  upon  the  house- 
top.' I  am  full  of  fears  lest  I  should  dishonour  that  holy  name 
and  cause  I  have  so  lately  professed  ; — lest  I  should  grieve 
that  Holy  Spirit,  whose  influence  alone  can  support  and  help 
me.  Thanks  be  to  God,  that  he  gives  me  to  feel  my  danger, 
and  shows  me  where  lies  my  strength;  and  he  also  enables 
me,  in  the  spirit  of  a  little  child,  to  tell  him  all  my  complaints 
and  fears  ;  and  to  call  upon  him  for  security.  'Hold  up  my 
goings  in  thy  paths,  that  my  Ibolstcps  slip  not.'" 


CHAP.  II — FROM  A.  D.  1785  TO  1790.  31 

Mem, — "' Beware  of  hasty  friendships;  examine  all  new 
j)roposals'  1  have  had  one  to-day,  but  the  advice  at  the  begin- 
ning of  this  book^  warns  me.  I  have  already  experienced  great 
advantage  from  endeavouring  to  follow  my  wise  counsellor,  in 
avoiding  not  only  too  great  a  degree  of  pliableness  of  temper, 
but  also  a  mean,  sneaking,  irresolute,  shame-faced  behaviour 
among  worldly  people.  1  find  by  experience,  that  they  soon 
discover  when  the  mind  is  made  up;  and  on  making  this  dis- 
covery, cease  to  persuade  you  to  join  with  them  in  "their  pur- 
suits ;  while  they  secretly  respect  the  consistent  character.  I 
perceive  this  strongly  in  the  remarks  made  upon  certain  per- 
sons. Some  say,  we  are  to  become  all  things  to  all  men. 
But  my  honoured  minister  observed,  we  are  in  clanger,  lest  in 
imitating  St.  Paul  in  becoming  all  things  to  all  men,  we  attempt 
his  work  without  the  ballast.^^ 

It  was  a  great  mercy  to  Mrs.  Hawkes,  that  during  her  spir- 
itual conflicts  she  had  a  sister  strong  in  the  faith,  who  was  to 
her  a  nursing  mother,  to  whom  she  could  unburden  every 
thought  with  advantage,  and  meet  in  return  both  sympathy 
and  spiritual  counsel.  A  reference  to  the  correspondence  of 
these  affectionate  sisters,  may  often  illustrate  the  progress  of 
the  work  of  grace  in  Mrs.  Ilawkes's  mind.  In  the  following 
letter,  Mrs.  Jones,  with  a  view  to  encourage  her  sister,  expa- 
tiates, in  a  very  animating  manner,  on  the  love  and  forbear- 
ance of  God  ;  she  writes— 

"  I  have  had  many  exercises,  but  God  has  enabled  me  to  He 
at  anchor  until  the  storm  was  over.  I  have  had  much  to  bear 
within  myself,  but  God  is  a  God  of  'patience,  and  therefore  he 
beareth  not  like  man,  but  like  himself.  There  is  no  end  of  his 
goodness  !  no,  no  end  !  We  serve  a  God  of  love,  who  accepts 
our  endeavours  to  please  him.  He  is  not  extreme  to  mark 
with  rigour"  every  little  failure,  but  regards  the  motive,  and 
the  aflections;  and  saith,  «  Let  your  love  be  without  dissimu- 
lation :  let  that  be  fixed  ;  and  as  to  other  things,  I  know  what 
is  in  man,  and  consider  that  he  is  but  dust ;  and  on  that  ac- 
count I  have  opened  a  fountain  to  wash  away  his  sin  and  un- 
cleanness.  His  defilement  shall  not  hinder  the  exercise  of  my 
love  towards  him  ;  sinful  as  he  is,  if  he  abides  in  me,  (by  faith 
and  love,)  and  my  word  abides  in  him,  (as  the  mark  to  which 
he  aims,)  he  may  ask  what  he  will,  and  it  shall  be  done  unto 


Her  Diary,  where  she  recorded  Mr.  Cecil's  remarks. 


32  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

him.  O  that  we  knew  the  strength  of  this  promise,  '  whatso- 
ever ye  shall  ask  the  Father  in  my  name,  it  shall  be  done.' 

"  VVe  may  torment  and  perplex  rurselves  with  this  and  the 
other  defect  ;  but  we  must  come  to  God  to  be  filled  with  his 
love.  He  will  strengthen  us  for  every  good  word  and  work  ; 
for  nothing  is  so  active,  so  operative  a  love,  which  the  apostle 
fully  proves,  1  Cor.  xiii.  \Ve  do  not  expect  enough  from  this 
love.  It  is  an  ocean,  and  we  must  cast  ourselves  into  it  as 
well  as  we  can. 

"  1  hope  you  continue  to  meet  me  at  the  throne  of  grace  at 
twelve.  I  leel  it  an  animating  thought,  that  we  can  unite  in 
spirit,  though  we  are  absent  in  body.  At  the  Lord's  table,  last 
Sunday,  I  had  a  very  invigorating  view  of  the  love  of  God. 
It  appeared  to  me  without  bounds,  and  as  free  as  the  air  we 
breathe,  so  that  my  heart  could  only  cry  out  '  Lord,  I  accept 
it,  I  accept  it.^  If  in  our  most  favoured  moments  we  have 
sometimes  a  sight  of  the  love  of  God,  which  we  can  by  no 
means  express  in  human  language,  O  what  amazing  discove- 
ries shall  break  upon  our  souls  when  ihey  leave  these  clay  ten- 
ements !    The  very  anticipation  of  it  is  glorious!" 

From  Mrs.  Hawkes  to  Mrs.  Jones. 

"I  thank  my  dearest  sister  for  her  last  letter;  it  did  me 
good.  My  aching  heart  feelingly  echoed  back  your  words, 
*  There  is  no  end  of  his  goodness  ;'  if  there  were,  there  would 
be  an  end  of  our  hope,  for  1  am  sure  there  is  no  end  of  the 
daily  provocations  he  receives  at  our  hands,  at  least  I  can  say 
from  jnine.  I  seem  at  this  time  to  be  learning  deeper  lessons 
of  my  own  utter  depravity  ;  and  to  feel  that  sin  is  in  every 
breath  I  draw, — in  every  pulse  that  beats.  I  frequently  can- 
not open  my  lips ;  but  am  only  able  to  prostrate  my  spirit  be- 
fore God.  I  feel  that  if  I  ask  favours,  I  shall  abuse  them; 
and  yet  I  cannot  live  without  asking  more  and  more.  There- 
fore I  can  only  pray,  if  there  are  any  in  the  family  of  Christ 
whose  case  resembles  mine,  deal  with  me  as  thou  dealest  with 
them.  1  have  been  greatly  encouraged  lately  by  the  conside- 
ration of  the  wisdom  of  God,  and  by  believing  that  what  his 
wisdom  undertakes,  his  love  will  complete.  1  see,  in  some 
measure,  that  nothing  less  than  infinite  wisdom,  power,  and 
mercy,  did  ever  devise  or  accomplish  the  salvation  of  a  sinner. 
1  have  had  some  spiritual  exercise  and  temptations  of  late, 
which  I  had  not  expected  ;  so  little  do  I  know  of  the  narrow 
path.  Had  I  experienced  these  before  my  faith  was  well 
grounded,  it  seems  to  me,  I  should  have  been  overset.     But  '  I 


CHAP.  II. FROM  A.  D.  1785  TO  1790.  33 

know  in  whom  I  have  believed '—and  I  doubt  not,  though  the 
combat  is  sharp  and  long,  and  I  can  only  just  keep  my  head 
above  water,  by  seeing  someiimes  one  promise,  and  sometimes 
another,  that  either  in  time  or  eternity,  I  shall  see  the  needs  he 
for  the  trials  of  this  part  of  my  pilgrimage.  1  thirst  for  more 
divine  wisdom ;  and  if  it  must  be  gained'"by  suffering,  so  let  it 
be,  as  far  as  1  shall  be  able  to  endure. 

"  However,  I  can  say  this,  '  If  I  am  not  willing  lobe  cured 
of  the  disease  of  sin  at  any  expense,  Lord,  do  it  against  my 
will  :  only  uphold  me  during  the  process.'  I  know  what  it  is 
to  have  sharp  bodily  pains,  and  can  conceive  of  others  still 
more  severe;  but  all  is  nothing  to  that  crucifixion  of  the  spirit, 
which  we  must  pass  through.  That  passage  was  brought 
strongly  to  my  mind  this  morning,  «  Satan  hath  desired  to  have 
thee,^that  he  might  sift  thee  as  wheat,  but  I  have  prayed  for 
thee:  Who  can  be  sufficiently  thankful  for  such  an  interces- 
sor !  Through  grace  I  am  yet  enabled  to  say,  '  Rejoice  not 
agamst  me,  O  mine  enemy  ;'  I  shall  yet  see  thy  overthrow,  and 
my  victory.  Through  the  blood  of  the  Lamb,  I  shall  yet  be 
more  than  conqueror.  And  though  various  trials  and  tempta- 
tions from  within  and  without  have  well  nigh  shaken  to  the 
ground  this  house  of  clay,  yet  I  trust  I  have  another  provided, 
'A  house  not  made  with  hands,  eternal  in  the  heavens.'  Let 
your  prayers,  my  dear  sister,  help  to  waft  me  thither.  1  need 
them  much.  I  thank  you  for  the  benefit  I  have  already  de- 
rived from  them ;  I  entreat  yet  more.  I  much  wish  to  come 
to  visit  you,  and  hope  I  shall  soon.  The  time  I  leave  to  Him 
who  is  my  guide  and  comforter,  as  far  as  comfort  is  needful. 
That  I  have  not  more,  is  owing  to  myself,-  that  I  have  any,  is 
owing  solely  to  the  riches  of  His  grace." 

Mrs.  Hawkes  went  soon  after  to  visit  her  sister  at  Birming- 
ham,  which  appears  from  the  following  notice  in  her  diary.  ° 

Birmingham,  Sept,  9,  1789.  "The  meeting  of  ministers 
at  St.  Mary's.  Rev.  C.  Simeon  preached  from  Col.  iii.  11. 
«  Christ  is  all,  and  in  all!'" 

'All  in  all  to  the  poor— to  the  rich— to  the  afflicted— to  the 
prosperous— to  the  weak— to  the  ignorant— to  the  guilty.' 

"His  sermon  animated  my  heart;  and  so  did  his  private, 
social  prayer,  and  conversation.  So  pious,  so  afleciionate,  so 
desirous  that  I  should  take  Christ  to  be  my  all  in  all;  to  give 
myself  as  a  chaste  virgin  to  be  married  to  Christ;  to  cleave 
to  him  closely,  as  the  shadow  moves  wherever  the  substance 
moves. 

"  My  heart  responds  to  his  entreaty.  I  desire  that  Christ 
should  be  all  in  all." 


34  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

Sept.  15. — "  Returned  to  Broad  Marston.  Went  to  visit 
my  aged  and  e^xellcnt  aunt,  S.^  '  an  Israelite  indeed,'  not  out- 
wardly only,  but  in  the  heart.  She  is  naturally  more  like  an 
angel  than  any  character  I  know  ;  but  grace  superadded,  makes 
her  also  a  saint.  Not  in  her  own  eyes — for  she  is  a  mirror  of 
humility,  true  and  unfeigned.  Her  daughter,  Mrs.  Cooper,  is 
also  an  excellent,  sincere  Christian,  who  seems  to  have  a  good 
portion  of  Mary's  heart,  with  Martha's  hands.  She  is  a  mira- 
cle of  patience  and  resignation.  Though  she  is  said  to  have 
a  confirmed  cancer  in^each  breast,  she  appears  quite  cheerful, 
and  sings  walking  about  the  house  as  if  nothing  was  the  mat- 
ter. She  declares,  that  notwithstanding  she  has  witnessed  the 
sufferings  and  death  of  her  sister,  from  this  disease,  and  has 
no  reason  but  to  expect  fo  go  through  the  same,  yet  she  has 
seldom  an  anxious  hour  on  that  occasion;  for  she  can  leave 
the  matter  with  God,  who  will  either  deliver  or  support  her, 
through  whatever  afflictions  he  lays  upon  her." 

"  Mtm. — Mrs.  Cooper  lived  only  a  few  years  after  this,  and 
then  died  suddenly  !  How  wise  and  how  happy,  to  commit 
her  cares  to  him  who  cared  for  her.  What  would  her  anxie- 
ties have  done  these  few  remaining  years,  save,  perhaps,  to 
have  brought  on  the  very  sufferings  she  had  reason  to  fear  1 
O  how  sinful  to  distrust  God,  and  meet  trouble  before  it  comes; 
thereby  making  it  double.  Yet  this  I  am  doing  every  day. 
Lord,  enable  me  to  leave  caring  for  the  morrow,  and  trust 
simply  to  thee  1" 

Honeijhourne,'^  Sept.  20. — "  I  have  this  day  been  visiting 
the  grave  of  a  female  friend  and  companion  of  my  younger 
days,  who  died  in  the  27th  year  of  her  age.  She,  like  myself, 
no  sooner  married,  than  she  became  a  child  of  sorrow.  Her 
constitution,  seemingly  very  strong,  was  broken  by  affliction  ; 
and  she  was  carried  olT  by  a  rapid  consumption.  Her  grave 
speaks  loudly  to  me.  May  I  hear  and  observe ;  and  may  I, 
like  her,  die  in  hope  of  a  blessed  resurrection." 

Blr?ningha?n,  Oct.  10. — "  Happy  to  return  to  this  favoured 
place.  Heard  the  Rev.  Mr.  Burn,  from  Luke  xxii.  31,  '  Si- 
mon, Simon,  Satan  hath  desired  to  have  thee,  to  sift  thee  as 
wheat:  but  I  have  prayed  for  thee,  that  thy  Axith  fiil  not ! '  " 

"  A  remarkable  circumstance  occurred  under  this  very  ani- 
mated and  striking  sermon.  A  poor  woman  had  for  some 
lime  been  under  a  violent,  and  almost  irresistible  temptation  to 


'  Her  father's  sister.  -  Residence  of  her  eldest  brother,  Nathaniel. 


CHAP.  II. FROM  A.  D.  1785  TO  1790.         35 

drown  herself;  and  declared,  she  had  actually  risen  from  her 
seat  no  less  than  twenty  times  with  a  desi;^f;i  to  throw  herself 
into  the  canal.  One  of  her  neighbours  seeing  her  this  morn- 
ing weeping  biiferiy,  enquired  into  the  cause  of  her  distress, 
and  talked  wiih  her,  but  without  much  etiect.  While  Mr. 
Burn  wa?  preaching  at  St.  Mary's  church,  she,  by  seeming 
accident,  dropped  in,  and  was  so  arrested  by  the  discourse, 
that  she  returned  home  quite  another  creature. 

"  Such  is  the  benefit  of  being  in  the  way  of  duty  ;  and  such 
the  infinite  mercy  of  having  a  Saviour  who  says  to  all  his 
tempted  ones,  '  I  have  prayed  for  thee  that  thy  faith  fliil  not! '  " 

London,  Sunday,  Nov.  1 — "I  desire  to  be  iinfeignedly 
thankfid  for  the  comfort  I  have  this  day  received  in  the,  ordi- 
nance of  the  Lord's  Supper.  May  I  never  lose  sight  of  the 
engagements  which  I  made  at  the  altar,  to  give  myself  wholly 
to  the  Lord  ;  and  to  lake  him  to  be  my  righteousness,  sancti- 
fication,  and  redemption." 

Wednesday,  Dec.  2.—"  My  Sundays  and  Wednesdays  are 
my  days  of  holiday, — days  of  feasting.  I  rejoice  in  their  re- 
turn ;  and  they  afford  me  ten  thousand  times  more  satisfaction 
and  real  pleasure  than  all  my  days  of  gaiety  and  mirth." 

Friday,  Jan.  1,  1790.^' Had  a  Visit  from  my  revered 
father  in  the  Gospel,  who,  as  he  always  does,  gave  me  the 
richest  instruction;  which  though  I  cannot  recolfect  as  to  the 
expression,  is,  I  trust,  as  to  the  substance,  engraven  on  my 
heart. 

^  "'Rejoice,'  he  said, '  rather  than  despond,  at  the  discove- 
ries you  obtain  of  the  deceitfulness  of  your  heart.  It  may  be 
painful  to  you,  but  it  is  safe.  Christians  musifi^^JtL  not  faint. 
Such  as  get  the  deepest  knowledge  of  their  indwelling  evils, 
are  better  grounded  in  religion  than  those  who  only^ee  the 
surface.     Observe  what  views  David  had  of  his  sinfulness. 

'  Take  care  of  reading  what  is  called  Christian  Experi- 
ence. Very  few  of  such  books  are  well  written,  i.  e.  have 
the  experience  simply  stated  ;  only  mark  the  difference  between 
the  characters  given  us  in  the  Bible,  and  the  characters  usually 
drawn  by  man.  God  gives  the  true,  simple  account  of  the 
character.  He  writes  down  the  defects  as  well  as  the  excel- 
lences.  But  when  man  underlakes  to  write,  he  gives  the  best 
side  of  the  story :  he  generally  dresses  out  the  character  in  all 
its  excellences,  and  casts  the  "defects  into  the  shade.  Do  not, 
therefore,  take  your  standard  from  human  observation,  but  di- 
vine. Do  not  take  another  person's  conscience  for  the  rule  of 
your  own  ;  for  there  are  innumerable  cases  wherein  one  can- 


Ob  3IEM0IRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

not  judge  for  another.  Study  the  Scriptures  with  prayer,  and 
a  teachable  spirit,  and  you  will  never  greatly  err.' 

"  Me77i. — This  is  a  word  in  season  ;  for  I  have  been  ready 
to  think  1  ought  to  turn  to  every  passing  pilgrim  for  help ;  and 
because  I  felt  reluctant  so  to  do,  my  scrupulous  conscience  has 
condemned  me,  as  proud  and  fastidious.  How  thankful  ought 
I  to  be  for  so  wise  and  condescending  a  counsellor :  for  1  am 
persuaded,  that  if  in  a  multitude  of  counsellors  there  is  safety, 
in  a  multitude  of  counsellors  there  is  also  confusion." 

It  were  to  be  wished  that  Mrs.  Hawkes  had  always  inserted 
in  her  diary  the  particular  fact,  question,  or  difficulty,  which 
drew  out  those  remarks  of  Mr.  Cecil's  which  she  so  carefully 
recorded.  This  would  have  thrown  a  stronger  light  on  the 
foregoing  observations  respecting  Christian  Biography,  as  well 
as  given  a  greater  interest  to  the  ideas  themselves,  as  they  oc- 
cur on  this  and  other  occasions. 

Wednesday — "  How  have  I  been  feasted  this  evening  by 
hearing  from  Heb.  xii.  7,  8.  'If  ye  endure  chastening,  God 
dealeth  with  you  as  with  sons;  for  what  son  is  he  whom  the 
father  chasteneth  not?  But  if  ye  be  without  chastisement, 
whereof  all  are  partakers,  then  are  ye  bastards,  and  not  sons.' 
Let  me  learn  not  to  murmur;  but  rather  rejoice,  under  the  re- 
peated marks  I  have  of  sonship." 

Friday — "  I  am  greatly  alarmed  and  distressed  to  hear  of 
a  painful  complaint  under  which  my  valuable  friend  and  father 
now  labours.  I  fear  I  have  too  much  anxiety  lest  I  should 
lose  such  an  instructor.  I  ought  to  look  to  that  Divine  Teacher 
who  has  said  '  I  will  never  leave  thee  nor  forsake  thee.'  But 
alas!  my  faith  is  small,  my  weakness  great;  and  my  igno- 
rance extreme.  I  shall  never  meet  with  such  another  minister ; 
so  able,  so  condescending.  Surely  he  may  say  with  St.  Paul, 
'  We  were  gentle  among  you,  even  as  a  nurse  cherisheth  her 
children.'  " 

Sunday. — "This  is  the  most  melancholy  Sabbath  I  have 
passed  since  my  attendance  at  St.  John's  Chapel  !  My  inval- 
uable teacher  is  too  ill  to  preach  ;  and  my  eyes  run  dovvn  with 
tears.  In  vain  1  try  to  encourage  myself  in  hope  :  but  I  can 
pray,  and  that  shall  be  my  comfort." 

Mrs.  Hawkes's  tender  feelings  on  occasion  of  the  illness  of 
her  minister,  (which  however  p^roved  but  temporary,)  recall  to 
mind  the  Galatian  converts,  to  whose  zealous  affection  St. 
Paul  bears  so  remarkable  a  testimony,  chap.  iv.  14,  that  they 
had  received  him  "  as  an  angel  of  God,  even  as  Christ  .Jesus." 
And  he  bears  them  record  that  if  it  had   been  possible,  they 


CHAP.  Ill FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.        37 

would  have  plucked  out  their  own  eyes  to  have  given  them  to 
him.  He  also  appeals  to  God  as  to  the  sincerity  of  his  own 
ardent  affection  towards  those  whom  he  had  "  begotten  through 
the  Gospel,"  when  he  says,  "  For  God  is  my  record  how 
greatly  I  long  after  you  all  in  the  bowels  of  Jesus  Christ :" 
Phil.  i.  8,  using  towards  them  the  most  endearing  compella- 
tions,  "  Therefore  my  brethren,  dearly  beloved,  and  longed 
for,  my  joy  and  crown,  so  stand  fast  in  the  Lord,  my  dearly 
beloved."  Phil.  iv.  1.  And  for  their  "furtherance  and  joy  of 
faith,"  he  has  confidence  that  God  would  even  preserve  his 
life,  that  their  rejoicing  in  Christ  Jesus  for  him  might  be  more 
abundant  by  his  coming  to  them  again.  Phil.  i.  25.  Animated 
and  actuated  by  the  same  spirit,  faithful  ministers  and  true  con- 
verts are  "  of  one  mind,  having  the  same  love,"  and  enjoying 
the  same  everlasting  consolation  in  Christ  Jesus  our  Lord. 


CHAPTER  III. 

FROM  HER  SETTLEMENT  AT  HOLLOWAY  TO  HER  LEAV- 
ING  THAT  PLACE. 

FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796. 

Her  attachment  to  Holloway — Dedicates  her  house  to  God — Visited  by 
Mr.  Cecil — His  conversation — Her  domestic  trials — Correspondence 
with  Mrs.  Jones — Death  of  her  brother  Henry — Begins  to  insert  in 
her  diary  notes  of  Mr.  Cecil's  sermons — Improves  her  retirement  by 
solid  reading — Visits  Broad  Marston— Birmingham— Madely — Inter- 
view with  Mrs.  Fletcher—Return  to  Holloway- Illness  of  Mrs.  Cecil 
—Feelings  of  Mr.  Cecil  on  the  occasion— Mr.  and  Mrs.  Hawkes 
visit  Birmingham,  Dudley,  Sutton,  and  West  Broomwich,  accompa- 
nied by  Mr.  Cecil — Remarks  of  Mr.  Cecil— Of  the  Rev.  John  Newton 
— Of  the  Rev,  W.  Jesse — Return  to  Town— Mrs.  Hawkes's  memo- 
randum on  opening  the  year  1795 — Her  long  confinement  by  illness 
— Her  thoughts  on  recovery — Fast-day  1796 — Mr.  Cecil's  sermon — 
His  Remarks— Letters— Digression  on  Melancholy — Mrs.  Hawkes 
goes  to  Dover — Her  state  of  anxiety  there — Returns  to  Holloway, 
and  finds  it  a  scene  of  agitation — Mrs.  Jones  requests  for  her  a  tempo- 
rary asylum  in  Mr.  Cecil's  house. 

It  has  already  been  hinted  that  Mrs.  Hawkes  had  peculiar 
and  severe  trials  of  a  domestic  nature.  These  weighed  heavily 
on  her  spirits,  and   led  her  to  seek,  by  retirement  and  prayer, 


38  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

the  strength  and  support  she  needed.  Worldly  company  and 
amusements  had  now  no  charms  for  her.  It  may  therefore 
be  easily  conceived,  with  what  satisfaction  she  found,  that  it 
was  the  intention  of  Mr.  Hawkes  to  take  a  house  at  Hollo- 
way,  a  spot  about  four  miles  from  Town,  connected  with  a 
small  farm.  To  this  place  she  afterwards  became  exceedingly 
attached;  and  during  the  few  years  she  remained  there  she 
had,  notwithstanding  the  continuance  of  her  usual  trials,  many 
alleviations.  She  had  frequent  opportunities  of  enjoying  the 
society  and  conversation  of  Christian  friends,  who  were  invited 
to  her  house.  But  especially  did  she  derive  consolation  and 
advantage,  from  the  pastoral  visits  of  him,  whom  she  always 
mentions  as  her  revered  father  in  the  gospel,  the  Rev.  Richard 
Cecil.  Nor  was  her  attendance  on  his  ministry  interrupted  by 
her  removal  from  town.  She  constantly  drove  this  short  dis- 
tance to  St.  John's  Chapel.  It  will  be  interesting  to  refer  to 
her  own  memorandums  at  this  time,  and  also  during  her  sub- 
sequent abode  at  Holloway  ;  an  interval  of  about  seven  years. 

Though  these  extracts  will  furnish  but  little  incident,  they 
strikingly  mark  the  spirit  and  temper  of  a  young  convert, 
earnestly  seeking  after  God,  delighting  in  his  word^and  ordi- 
nances, and  desiring  to  be  fed  with  "  hidden  manna,"  under 
the  influences  of  his  Spirit. 

3Iarch  8,  1790.— "Drove  to-day  to  see  the  farm  at  Hollo- 
way.  I  fear  I  am  too  anxious  to  obtain  it:  but  I  have  many 
painful  reasons  for  desiring  to  leave  town,  which  are  known 
only  to  myself.  If  I  know  any  thing  of  my  own  heart,  my 
first  and  chief  object  in  desiring  Holloway,  is,  to  obtain  re- 
tirement, leisure,  and  quiet,  in  order  to  pursue  the  things — not 
of  sense— but  of  faith.  My  broken  health— depressed  spirits 
— and  many  other  things— make  me  long  for  solitude." 

Friday,  March  19,  1790.— "  Slept  at  Hollowav  for  the 
first  time  :  and  I  cannot  help  saying,  '  This  same  shall  comfort 
me.'  Which  I  say  with  more  confidence;  because  it  is  the 
thing  I  have  prayed  for,  and  because  I  expect  comfort  here, 
only  from  God's  making  it  to  be  a  comfort.  I  look  to  him  to 
bless  and  sanctify  it  to  the  strengthening  and  enriching  of  my 
soul.  I  have  hitherto  lived  like  a  soldier  in  the  heat  of  the 
battle,  surrounded  by  confusion  and  dismay:  now  I  am  per- 
mitted to  retire;  and  trust  that  I  shall  not  become  a  slothful, 
but  a  more  laborious  servant  in  the  vineyard.  From  this  hour 
I  dedicate,  as  far  as  lies  in  my  small  power,  this  house  to  be  a 
house  of  prayer— a  Bethel.  May  none  resort  hither  but  such 
as  love  and  call  upon  his  name.     May  every  day  be  a  day  of 


CHAP.  III.— FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.        39 

consecration,  of  secret  transaction  and  intercourse,  with  Him 
vyho  has  so  mercifully  given  it  me ;  and  whatever  may  con- 
tinue to  be  my  daily  trials  of  faith  and  patience,  let  me  now 
seek  to  endure  them  with  three-fold  resignation  ;  considering 
how  greatly  my  heavy,  piercing,  load  is  lightened  by  this  re- 
treat." 

"  My  suffering  time  will  soon  be  o'er, 
Soon  shall  my  soul  away  : 
Then  shall  I  sigh  and  sin  no  more, 
But  sing  through  endless  day." 

April  10. — "Favoured  with  a  call  from  my  revered  minis- 
ter. My  heart  burns  within  me  when  I  hear  the  instruction 
and  conversation  of  the  godly.  Let  me  here  record  Mr.  C.'s 
advice  and  remarks. 

Advice.  "  '  Do  not  read  the  Bible  with  notes  only.  It 
is  a  loss  to  confine  yourself  to  any  commentator.  Read  it 
with  prayer,  and  listen  simply  to  the  best  Teacher,  the  Holy 
Spirit ;  who  will  sometimes  so  shine  upon  the  word,  as  to  af- 
ford you  an  insight  and  understandmg  of  the  Scriptures  such 
as  no  commentator  upon  earth  can  give.  Then  you  will  not 
only  understand  it,  but  lay  hold  of  it. 

'  Daily  observe  regular,  stated  times,  for  retirement.  Let 
reading,  prayer,  and  meditation,  have  each  their  place:  each 
is  of  importance.  Take  a  verse  of  Scripture  at  a  time,  ponder 
over  it ;  examine  it  in  its  connexion — reference — bearing  ;  try 
what  you  can  get  out  of  it.  Where  a  preacher  might''  draw 
many  inferences,  you  may  perhaps  be  able  to  draw  but  one  or 
two ;  but  if  you  persevere,  you  will  every  day  get  more  and 
more  from  your  Bible.  If  you  should  find  these  stated  periods 
sometimes  formal  and  heavy— yet  go  on — do  not  be  discou- 
raged—you will,  upon  the  whole,  obtain  much  benefit :  for 
whoever  makes  a  serious  inquiry  after  religion,  will  always 
meet  with  an  answer  from  the  gospel.'  " 

Ques.  "Respecting  wiihdrawment  from  the  world." 

Ans.  'Christian  courage  does  not  consist  in  a  disposition  to 
retire  from  the  world  in  absolute  solitude;  but  in  mixing  with 
it,  and  yet  living  above  it;  in  being  in  the  world,  but  not  of 
it;  in  making  a  bold  stand  for  Christ;  being  as  the  salt  of  the 
earth.  Yet  retirement,  at  certain  seasons,  should  be  secured. 
We  should  endeavour  to  preserve  such  a  spirit  in  society  as  to 
make  us  relish  retirement ;  and  so  improve  retirement,  as  to 
make  us  useful  to  society.  Our  troubles  arise  not  from  our 
living  in  the  v/orld,  but  from  the  world  living  in  us.     One  part 


40  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

of  the  world  is  that  of  inordinately  coveting  the  praise  of  our 
fellow-creatures. 

«  Endeavour  to  go  into  the  world,  as  far  as  you  are  called  so 
to  do,  putting  honour  upon  your  Christian  profession  ;  and  if 
any  ask  you  a  reason  of  the  hope  that  is  in  you,  tell  iheai 
meekly,  "/f  is  the  blood  of  sprinkling 


55  5 


"  Mr.  C.  gave  us  an  account  of  the  death  of  a  certain  pro- 
fessor of  religion,  and  observed, — '  we  have  no  right  to  expect 
a  triumphant  death-bed,  unless  we  have  walked  with  God  in 
our  life.'" 

April  12. — "  Thankful  for  being  able  to  keep  my  mouth  as 
with  a  bridle  under  much  aggravation.  1  have  often  occasion 
for  the  bridle  ;  but  I  am  not  always  able  to  use  it." 

"Though  now  the  storms  of  sorrow  roar, 
And  raise,  in  cares,  a  troubled  sea : 
Yet  when  I  stand  on  yonder  shore, 
There  will  be  calm  enough  for  me. 
Why  then  for  tempests  should  I  care, 
Since  they  but  drive  me  sooner  there  1" 

Dec.  31, 1790. — "  Many  have  been  the  mercies  of  this  year, 
spiritual  and  temporal.  Above  all,  the  use  of  the  blessed  ordi- 
nances is  my  great  mercy.  Query. — Does  my  improvement 
keep  pace  with  my  advantages  ?  Does  my  soul  grow  in  grace? 
Do  I  endeaver  to  conduct  myself  in  a  very  trying  situation 
with  that  wisdom  and  meekness,  humility  and  patience  in  which 
I  am  so  clearly  instructed?  Have  I  the  charity  which  endur- 
eth  all  things?  Am  I  a  doer  of  the  word  as  well  as  a  hearer? 
Do  I  bring  home  the  truths  I  hear  so  faithfully  preached,  and 
turn  them  into  practice — or  are  they  only  as  a  pleasant  song? 
pleasant  to  the  ear  and  even  to  the  understanding:  but  taking 
no  root  in  the  heart.  Alas  !  I  might  fill  sheets  of  paper  w^ith 
heads  of  self-examination,  to  which  I  can  only  answer,  'Cleanse 
thou  me  from  my  secret  faults.'  I  have  wept  and  prayed 
for  this  retreat,  where  I  might,  in  some  measure  be  screened 
from  many  painful  and  agitating  occurrences  to  which  I  am 
liable  in  town  ;  and  where  I  might  withdraw  from  such  society 
as  know  not  God,  and  be  more  able  to  cultivate  a  life  of  faith. 
All  these  things  have  been  wonderfully  granted  me.  '  Bless 
the  Lord,  O  my  soul,  and  forget  not  all  his  benefits.'  O  send 
forth  thy  Holy  Spirit  to  teach  me  to  profit ;  or  all  these  advan- 
tages will  afford  me  nothinii-." 

Jan.  9,  1791. — "  My  heart  is  sick  to  hear  of  the  wander- 
ings of  one  who  has  for  many  years  stood  high  in  the  estima- 


CHAP.  Ill FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.         41 

tion  of  the  Christian  world.  Alas  !  alas  !  this  is  what  I  have 
feared,  lest  /should  begin  to  run,  but  not  hold  out  to  the  end. 
It  is  '  He  that  endureth  to  the  end  that  shall  be  saved.'  '  Hold 
thou  me  up,  that  my  feetsteps  slip  not !' " 

Jan.  10. — "A  sharp  trial  this  evening.  '  O  that  I  had  wings 
like  a  dove !  for  then  would  I  fly  away  and  be  at  rest.'  What 
though  my  troubles  are  like  an  overwhelming  tide,  yet  my 
privileges  are  very  great.  The  special  favour  of  hearing  the 
gospel,  so  purely  and  richly  preached,  should  reconcile  me  to 
all  my  trials.  And  truly  if  it  were  not  for  the  comforts  God 
is  pleased  to  bestow,  I  should  soon  be  in  wretched  despair,  for 
as  to  this  world,  every  prospect  of  happiness  is  struck  at  the 
very  root. 

"The  banks  are  needed  when  the  billows  roar." 

Under  the  pressure  of  increased  trials  Mrs.  Hawkes  wrote 
the  following  letter  to  her  sister  Mrs.  Jones. 

"  I  am  sorry  to  find  my  dear  sister  like  myself,  infested  with 
many  anxieties,  though  of  a  different  nature.  Mine  have  been 
very  heavy  indeed  of  late.  For  sometime  past,  I  have  not 
been  enabled,  (in  the  degree  i  have  been  graciously  assisted 
heretofore,)  to  roll  back  my  burthen  on  the  Lord.  But  he  saw 
me  ready  to  fliint,  and  mercifully  vouchsafed  me  timely  help. 
Let  none  fear  trouble  with  such  a  compassionate  Saviour  for  a 
sustainer :  for  verily  he  is  not  an  High-Priest  that  cannot  be 
touched  with  the  feeling  of  our  infirmities ;  but  who  hath  a  con- 
descending and  tender  sympathy  with  us  under  them ;  which  he 
will  manifest  in  the  time,  and  manner,  and  measure,  which  His 
infinite  wisdom  sees  best.  As  for  me,  I  am  quite  ashamed  of 
myself;  truly  it  may  be  said,  '  if  thou  faint  in  the  day  of  ad- 
versity, thy  strength  is  small.'  Small,  indeed,  is  my  strength, 
or  rather,  feeble  is  the  hold  which  faith  takes  of  an  Almighty 
arm.  I  am  willing  to  allow,  (for  who  is  not  willing  to  make 
self-excuses,)  that  my  trials  are  peculiar,  and  my  present  bodily 
weakness  and  languor  does  much  towards  enfeeblincr  the  mind 
also  ;  yet  I  have  still  much  to  be  ashamed  of.  Our  great  bu- 
siness in  life  is  to  glorify  God,  and  to  speak  abroad  his  praise ; 
— and  the  fittest  time  to  do  this  is  under  suffering.  It  is  easy 
enough  to  sing  when  the  sun  shines  :  but  when  the  heart  and 
flesh  fail,  then  to  rejoice  in  the  Lord,  becomes  the  true  servants 
of  so  good  a  Master.  In  the  grave  the  tongue  is  silent.  It 
can  no  more  publish  to  fellow-sinners,  and  fellow-sufferers,  that 
'  The  Lord  is  good,  a  strong  hold  in  the  day  of  trouble  ;'  and 
4* 


42  MEMOIRS    OF    MES.   HAWKES. 

that  his  tender  mercies  are  more  in  number  than  the  sand  of 
the  sea.     It  is  therefore  the  living  only  that  can  praise  him  ; 
and  of  all  living,  the  affiicted  believer,  whose  every  trouble  is 
sanctified,  has  reason  to  be  loudest  in  the  song." 
In  reply  to  her  sister,  Mrs.  Jones  writes : 

"  It  is  a  mighty  conflict ;  and  if  you  had  not  an  Almighty 
Friend  to  hold  you  up,  your  heart  and  flesh  would  fail.  But 
he  will  strengthen  your  heart,  and  enable  you  to  fight  manfully. 
He  has  brought  you  into  ihese  trials  that  you  may  raise  an  Eb- 
enezer  to  his  name,  and  bear  testimony  to  the  truth,  and  write 
tried  under  the  promise,  'As  thy  day  is,  so  shall  thy  strength 
be.'  God  will  prove  his  beloved  ones,  that  they  may  be  con- 
strained to  prove  him.  A  good  man  used  to  say,  that  the  same 
Almighty  power  v/hich  made  the  world,  was  also  granted  to 
the  Christian.  You  have  an  anchor  that  will  hold  you  fast. 
It  is  sufficient  at  such  times  as  these,  to  endure,  as  seeing  him 
that  is  invisible.  By  and  by,  you  will  reap  the  pleasant  and 
peaceable  fruits  of  these  afliicting  seasons  and  exercises.  AVhat 
a  happy  day  will  that  be  when  this  mortal  shall  put  on  immor- 
tality I  but  we  should  be  willing  to  fight  before  we  are  crowned ; 
and  the  Apostle  says  we  do  not  fight '  vncertainly.''  Even  the 
most  unpleasant  vacuities  in  life  have  their  uses;  we  must  be 
made  to  feel  what  we  are — poor  fallen  creatures — that  we  may 
be  thankful  for  that  grace  which  transformeth  us  into  a  better 
image.  The  knowledge  of  our  weakness  must  ever  be  attend- 
ed with  painful  sensations  ;  and  I  apprehend  that  we  shall  ever 
be  increasing  in  that  knowledge  as  long  as  we  are  in  the  body. 
But  the  more  we  feel  our  disease,  the  more  shall  we  prize  and 
apply  our  remedy.  May  you,  with  the  strong  arm  of  taith, 
be  able  to  lay  hold  of  the  Saviour,  till  he  perfect  his  strength 
in  your  weakness.  I  endeavour  to  bear  you  before  him,  and  to 
entreat  his  mercy.  I  would  not  prescribe  to  him  who  loves 
you  in  connexion  with  your  eternal  interests.  It  is  indeed  dif- 
ficult to  believe  that  all  this  is  for  the  best :  but  we  cannot  read 
God's  dispensations  aright ;  they  are  too  high  for  mortals  to 
spell  them  out.  Faith  and  resignation  arc  written  in  the  most 
legible  characters  :  may  we  consider  them  well ;  and  may  Je- 
sus Christ  work  them  in  us." 

Thus  did  He,  "  who  giveth  songs  in  the  night,"  enable  these 
two  sisters  to  cheer  and  animate  each  other  ;  by  mentioning 
"  the  loving  kindness  of  the  Lord,  and  the  praises  of  the  Lord." 
And  thus  did  ihey  begin  that  song  which  now,  in  the  paradise 
of  God,  they  sing  with  louder  and  sweeter  notes,  to  him  who 


CHAP.  III. — FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1790.      43 

loved  them  and  washed  ihcm  from  their  sins  in  his  own  blood. 

The  next  memorandum  in  Mrs.  Hawkes's  diary,  illustrates 
a  peculiar  feature  in  her  natural  character,  namely,  a  tendency 
to  pensive  depression, — which  could  not  but  mingle  itself  with 
her  religious  feelings,  and  throw  a  sombre  complexion  over 
many  parts  of  her  early  Christian  experience.  A  highly  sen- 
sitive  and  reflective  mind,  meeting  with  trials  of  a  peculiarly 
depressing  nature,  would,  without  great  self-control,  be  liable 
to  indulge  melancholy  :  or  as  the  poet  expresses  it,  to  "  nour- 
ish woe." 

Tuesday. — "  Every  time  I  leave  the  noisy  town  and  return 
to  this  delightful  solitude,  my  heart  overflows  with  thankfulness 
for  such  an  asylum.  Here  1  have  much  quietness.  I  desire 
to  be  thankful  that  I  have  no  children  :  on  many  accounts 
they  would  be  the  occasions  of  great  sorrow.  I  have  nothing 
now  that  ties  me  to  the  world.  My  only  source  of  comfort 
arises  from  the  prospect  of  soon  leaving  it  for  ever ;  and  my 
chief  object  till  that  happy  time  arrives,  shall  be  to  make  pre- 
paration  for  it.     '  In  my  Father's  house  are  many  mansions."' 

''  Weary  woild  of  sin  and  anguish, 
How  I  long  from  thee  to  fly  ; 
Fainting  for  relief  I  languish, 
Dying  through  desire  to  die. 
O  my  life,  my  only  treasure, 
Let  me  cast  it  all  iDehind  ; 
Now  fill  up  my  mournful  measure, 
Now  my  heavenly  Canaan  find. 

Never  shipwrecked'd  mariner  wanted, 

More  to  reach  the  distant  shore; 

Never  wand'ring  exile  panted 

For  his  native  country  more. 

Hear  my  earnest  application,  Wb 

Thou  who  only  canst  release  ; 

Shew  me  now  thy  full  salvation, 

Let  me  now  depart  in  peace  !" 

Wednesday. — "  How  suddenly  the  darkest  cloud  overspreads 
the  brightest  sky  !  This  has  been  a  calm  and  clear  day  ;  but 
my  evening  is  dark  and  dismal.  An  old  disturbance  has 
thrown  my  whole  frame  into  the  utmost  agitation ;  I  was  glad  to 
escape  to  the  house  of  God  :  but  even  there  my  affVighfed  mind 
could  not  be  calmed.  For  the  first  time,  1  ventured  to  say 
something  of  my  trials  to  my  minister,  who  is  appointed  as  a 
shepherd  to  watch  over,  direct,  and  instruct  his  flock.  I  per- 
ceive he  has  an   aversion   to  hear  of  any  family  matters,  and 


44  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  IIAWKES. 

discourages  all  sorts  of  complainings.  His  advice  was, '  watch 
over  your  own  spirit  and  temper.  Remember  you  are  a 
Christian,  and  have  therefore  high  claims  upon  you.'" 

<'May  the  lessons  of  this  day  be  as  lasting  as  they  are  pain- 
ful, and  as  salutary  as  they  are  wounding.  Many  peculiari- 
ties in  my  situation  and  case,  are  there,  which  are  only  known 
to  God,  and  my  own  bleeding  heart.  No  wonder,  therefore, 
if  reproof  has  in  it  some  mistake.  Nevertheless  I  am,  I  trust, 
unfeignedly  thankful  for  the  inestimable  blessing  of  having  a 
minister  who  will  not  '  daub  with  untempered  mortar;'  but 
will  use  the  probe  where  he  thinks  he  sees  occasion.  It  is  my 
shame  to  shrink  under  such  a  fatherly  hand.  But  it  is  my 
feelings  only  ;  for  my  judgment  rejoices  in  that  precious  oil, 
which  shall  never  bruise,  but  cheer  my  head." 

August,  1791,  Sunday. — "  My  mind  is  under  great  anxiety 
for  my  honoured  minister,  who  is  again  confined  by  illness. 
Oh  what  a  desert  land  would  this  be  if  deprived  of  such  a  shep- 
herd !  '  Cast  thy  burden  on  the  Lord  and  he  shall  sustain 
thee.'" 

Sept.  1791. — "I  have  this  morning  been  weeping  with 
dear  Mrs.  C.  over  the  sad  news  she  has  just  received  from  her 
invaluable  husband  who  is  at  Bath.  Alas,  her  loss  must  be 
irreparable;  and  as  to  the  church  !  Tears  are  literally  my 
meat  and  drink." 

Friday,  Oct.  28,  1791. — "Set  out  for  Broad  Marston  to 
see  my  dying  brother,  Henry  :  but  was  too  late,  except  to  see 
him  in  his  cotFin  !  For  my  dear  brother,  as  far  as  respected 
himself,  there  was  no  cause  to  grieve.  The  last  three  years 
of  his  life  he  had  been  wasting  under  a  fatal  disease;  but  he 
was  ready  for  his  removal.  He  was  an  ornament  to  religion 
— a  light  shining  in  a  dark  place. 

"  A  fi^fend  asked  him  in  his  dying  moments,  if  the  prospect 
of  glory  opened  to  him. — To  which  he  replied  with  much  ani- 
mation— « It  opens  !  it  opens!'  and  after  a  little  time,  spent 
seemingly  in  silent  prayer,  he  died  like  one  falling  asleep.  Oh, 
that  I  may  die  the  death  of  the  righteous  !  and  may  I  live  the 
life  of  the  righteous  also. 

"  And  now  both  my  honoured  parents  are  '  inheriting  the 
promises,'  and,  I  trust,  also  seven  brothers  and  sisters.  Oh 
that  each  one  left  behind  may  be  as  safely  landed  !  Thanks 
be  to  God  for  his  unspeakable  mercy  in  having  at  length,  after 
much  obstinacy,  made  me  hear,  (I  trust  so  as  to  obey,)  his 
long  neglected  call  of  mercy.  A  few  more  waves  of  trouble, 
and  I  shall,  I  hope,  join  my  blessed   relatives  to   sorrow  and 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.        45 

sitrh  no  more.  Hasten,  Lord,  that  happy  day  !  and  till  it 
shall  arrive,  O  '  guide  me  vviih  thine  eye.'  Suffer  me  no  more 
to  go  after  '  lying  vanities  ;'  but  keep  me  in  the  midway  of  the 
paths  of  righteousness,  which  are  pleasantness  and  peace." 

Tuesday. — "  Reached  Birmingham  this  day,  found  my  dear 
sisier  a  spectacle  of  woe,  having  passed  many  weeks  of  severe 
suffering  for  her  son  Charles.  His  visitation  was  attended  with 
some  peculiarly  distressing  aggravations.  Though  young, 
being  only  ten  years  of  age,  the  enemy  seemed  permitted  to 
harass  him  in  a  way  very  wonderful.  But  a  little  before  his 
death,  he  became  composed  and  happy.  His  mother  asked, 
what  made  him  happy?  Pie  answered,  '  Because  I  love  God, 
and  can  pray.' " 

]\[ov.  7.—''  Returned  to  London.  My  heart  is  made  glad 
by  seeing  again  my  honoured  minister  after  his  return  from 
Bath.  the^Lord  is  indeed  a  hearer  of  prayer ;  and  has  added 
1  trust,  many  years  to  his  valuable  life  for  the  sake  of  his 
church  and  family  ;  and  for  the  glory  of  his  own  name.  Let 
me  more  than  ever  take  heed  how  I  hear,  and  treasure  up  his 
valuable  instructions. 

'  Shun,'  said  he,  '  matters  of  controversy,  and  points  of  doc- 
trine, too  high  for  young  converts,  who  should  be  fed  with  the 
sincere  milk  of  the  word,  and  not  with  strong  meat. 

*Many  professors,  instead  of  conversing  upon  vital  and  ex- 
perimental religion,  are  ever  disputing  about  doctrines.  Such 
are  like  persons  that  are  sick,  and  having  no  appetite  for  solid 
food,  amuse  themselves  with  turning  over  the  bones. 

'  Some  hearers  of  the  gospel  like  to  have  nothing  said  but 
what  is  encouraging  and  comforting.  Such  resemble  persons 
in  weak  health  who  would  be  always  taking  cordials,  which 
though  they  may  for  a  time  raise  the  spirits,  yet  secre%  under- 
mine" the  strength.  A  Christian  should  not  only  regard  the 
Scripture  promises  but  the  Scripture  threatenings,  warnings, 
and  reproofs.  The  whole  of  Scripture  is  Scripture  ;  not  a  part. 
'Manvare  ready  to  allegorize  the  Scriptures  without  any 
due  consideration  of  the  analogy  of  faith,  or  the  proportion  of 
things  compared  one  with  another,  or  any  regard  to  the  genuine 
sense  of  the  words  : — this  is  to  corrupt  the  word  of  God.' 

"Mr.  C.  speaking  of  women,  made  a  distinction  between 
what  might  be  called  literary  women,  and  reading  women. 
» All  women,'  he  said,  '  should  be  readers,  as  far  as  their  sta- 
tions and  circumstances  would  admit.  They  should  be  so  for 
their  own  sakes — for  the  sake  of  their  families— and  for  the 
sake  of  society.     But  what  might  be  termed  a  literary  woman, 


46  MEMOIRS    OF    3IRS.    HAWKES. 

i.  e.  a  learned  woman,  should^  and  generally  did,  continue 
unmarred ;  for  their  public  character  was  apt  to  make  them 
unfit  for  private  and  domestic  cares.  The  excellence  and 
honour  of  a  wife,  he  remarked,  was  to  be  "  a  keeper  at  home," 
as  saith  St.  Peter.  Not  pressing  into  public, — but  abiding 
quietly  in  her  station  and  calling ;  contented  to  be  unknown, 
unnoticed,  except  for  family  virtues.'  "  See  Prov.  xxxi. 

Mrs.  Hawkes's  habit  of  treasuring  up  instruction,  whether 
addressed  to  herself  or  others,  will  further  appear  by  the  fol- 
lowing notice  in  her  diary  : 

Nov.  15,  1791. — "  Took  leave  of  Miss  A.,  who  is  going  to 
Paris  to  study  the  French  language.  Mr.  C.'s  advice  to  her 
was,  '  As  you  are  entering  upon  a  new  scene,  and  will  have 
many  snares  and  dangers  to  meet,  endeavour  to  obtain  a  feel- 
ing of  the  importance  of  your  conduct  in  every  step  you  take. 
Do  not  think  little  of  small  deviations,  in  order  to  make  your- 
self agreeable  and  well-received. 

'A  professor  of  religion  should  take  especial  care  in  his  in- 
tercourse with  the  world,  to  avoid  what  may  be  termed  small 
indiscretions  of  conduct.  The  world  is  ever  on  the  watch  for 
something  upon  which  to  fasten  either  a  scandalous  or  a  foolish 
story. 

'  As  you  will  not  be  able  to  have  the  privilege  of  the  ordi- 
nances as  you  have  here,  endeavour  to  make  up  the  loss  by 
observing  in  private,  on  the  Sabbath,  your  usual  time  of  public 
worship  ;  and  read  what  is  appointed  for  the  church.  God  can 
make  the  want  of  ordinances  the  best  ordinance.  You  will 
feel  satisfaction  in  meeting  your  old  friends  in  spirit  and  em- 
ployment, while  you  are  absent  in  body.  Above  all,  keep 
close  to  your  Bible  and  prayer.  Seek  God's  blessing  on  all 
you  do.. ^ This  will  be  the  way  to  obtain  your  object  even  in 
temporal  things.  If  it  were  my  duty  to  study  mathematics,  1 
should  pray  for  God's  help  as  much  as  if  I  were  going  to 
preach.  We  should  accustom  ourselves  to  connect  God  with 
every  thing.  Our  own  wisdom  and  strength  will  avail  us 
nothing:  but  when  we  can  go,  with  a  child-like  simplicity  and 
dependence,  with  all  our  concerns  to  God,  we  shall  know  what 
it  is  to  be  at  peace.  Vast  prospects  lie  before  the  man  that 
has  God  for  his  friend.  There  is  a  sanctuary  in  the  very  or- 
der of  providence,  when  we  arc  enabled  to  leave  every  thing 
to  that  order. '^ 


•  The  young  lady  to  whom  Mr.  C.  gave  this  advice,  went  to  France  a 
year  before  the  Revolution  ;  and  was  detained  a  prisoner  there  for  four 
j'ears. 


CHAP.  III. FROJI  A.  D.  1790,  TO  1796.        47 

3Iem. — "Ointment  and  perfume  rejoice  the  heart:  so  doth 
the  sweetness  of  a  man's  friend  by  hearty  counsel." 

The  following  extracts  describe  one  of  those  painful  inter- 
vals in  the  Christian's  experience,  which  may  be  compared  to 
the  Winter  season;  when  nothing  seems  to  grow;  but  rather 
to  decline  and  wither.  Such  seasons  may,  however,  be  turned 
to  important  use,  if  employed  in  breaking  up  the  fallow  ground  ; 
and  in  preparing  the  soil  for  those  precious  seeds  which  are  to 
be  nourished  by  the  returning  Spring.  Nor  will  the  wintry 
storm  be  without  its  use,  in  strengthening  the  roots,  and  de- 
stroying the  insects  which  might  otherwise  do  mischief. 

Dec.  1791. — "  I  am  fallen  into  a  comfortless  stale,  let  me 
examine  why  it  is  thus. 

"  From  a  desire  not  to  be  thought  a  gloomy,  sour  Christian, 
am  equally  careful  to  avoid  the  opposite  extreme? — or  have  I 
not  fallen  into  a  degree  of  levity,  and  joined  too  much  in  '  fool- 
ish talking  and  jesting  ? ' 

"  Am  1  not  become  less  watchful  against  what  goes  by  the 
name  of  little  things,  forgetting  that  he  who  doth  so,  '  shall 
fall  by  little  and  little.'  Eccles,  xix.  1. 

"Am  I  as  covetous  of  my  time  as  formerly  for  good  thini^s, 
or  do  1  not  suffer  lesser  matters  to  intrude  1  And  because  tliey 
are  lawful  concerns,  neglect  to  enquire  if  they  might  not  be 
done  at  another  hour,  or  in  less  space,  or  with  less  solicitude? 

"Do  I  secure  as  much  time  as  usual  for  morning  devotion 
and  reading?  especially  on  the  Sabbath,  before  public  worship? 
Or,  do  1  get  negligent,  and  plead  weak  health  as  an  excuse  for 
self-indulgence? 

"  Do  I  take  care  to  ponder  in  my  heart  the  blessed  truths  I 
hear  and  read?  mixing  faith  therewith  ? 

"  Many  more  questions  might  be  asked.  But  I  cannot  an- 
swer even  these,  except  as  the  publican,  '  God  be  merciful  to 
me  a  sinner.' 

"A  scrupulous  conscience  certainly  is  not  desirable,  nor 
does  God  require  us  to  serve  him  with  a  slavish  fear.  But  as 
the  depravity  of  nature  is  ever  prone  to  err  on  one  hand  or  the 
other,  so,  happy  is  that  Christian  who,  when  he  gets  rid  of 
what  may  be  justly  termed  scrupulosity,  does  not  venture  too 
boldly  upon  the  ground  of  liberty,  and  become  a  little  dim- 
sighted  to  small  deviations.  '  Serve  the  Lord  with  fear,  and 
rejoice  with  trembling.'  " 

Sunday. — "  What  a  distracted  mind  !  But,  '  why  art  thou 
not  cast  down,  O  my  soul,'  since  thy  salvation  rests  not  on  thy 
performances,  but  on  him  '  who  made  by  his  own  oblation  of 


48  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

himself,  once  offered,  a  full,  perfect,  and  sufficient  sacrifice  and 
satisfaction'  for  all  thy  sins  and  defects.  Nevertheless,  a  wan- 
dering mind  occasions  great  loss  of  advantage  and  comfort; 
and  while  I  would  not  be  cast  down,  yet  I  would  mourn  over  it. 

"  Let  me  be  thankful  that  Christ's  intercession  is  without 
distraction  or  interruption.  It  does  infinitely  please  and  pre- 
vail with  the  Father,  when  we  can  hardly  speak  a  word  for 
ourselves." 

Wednesday. — "  Much  instructed  and  comforted  to-day  by 
a  letter  received  from  my  dear  sister.  It  is  some  consolation 
to  find  that  others  have  had  the  same  trials  with  ourselves." 

The  correspondence  between  Mrs.  Hawkes  and  her  sister  il- 
lustrates the  advantage  which  Christians  derive  from  mutual 
communication  on  the  subject  of  their  spiritual  trials,  and  en- 
couraging experiences  of  support  under  them  :  a  practice  which 
is  abundantly  exemplified  in  the  New  Testament  records  of  the 
first  Christians  :  but  especially  in  the  epistles  and  correspond- 
ence which  have  come  down  to  us  from  the  reformers  and 
martyrs  of  the  English  church  in  the  sixteenth  century. 

The  following  letter  appears  to  be  that  to  which  Mrs.  H. 
has  just  referred,  in  which  Mrs.  Jones  writes  : — 

"  I  do  not  know  a  more  unpleasant  part  of  a  Christian's 
voyage,  than  a  kind  of  dead  calm  in  which  he  appears  to  make 
no  advance;  when  the  storm  runs  high  and  the  waters  rage 
and  swell,  it  is  more  tremendous,  but  then  the  soul  is  in  exer- 
tion, labouring  for  the  port;  and  the  joyful  expectation  inspires 
courage  to  row  against  wind  and  tide.  But  we  have  commit- 
ted ourselves  to  the  Lord,  and  as  a  king  will  he  reign  over  his 
people;  '  for  a  good  man's  steps  are  ordered  by  the  Lord,' 
both  in  the  spiritual  and  natural  life. 

"  There  is  much  in  us  which  is  not  in  subjection  ;  we  are 
frequently  for  taking  the  reins  of  government  out  of  his  hands, 
and  choosing  for  ourselves :  but  the  Lord  will  subdue  all  unto 
himself.  We  are  a  long  time  in  learning  this  one  short  lesson, 
'  without  me  ye  can  do  nothing.'  Nor  is  it  possible  to  under- 
stand it,  save  by  the  experience  of  total  helplessness.  But  to 
doubt  of  God's  help  at  these  times,  comes  from  that  enemy 
who  is  ever  employed  in  attempting  to  counteract  the  designs 
of  our  gracioif^s  King  towards  us. 

"  What  Mr.  C.  said  of  a  scrupulous  conscience,  is  highly 
just.  1  never  knew  any  one  that  was  really  in  earnest,  who 
had  not  been  much  afflicted  by  this  old,  tried  temptation  of 
the  enemy.  And  as  he  finds  it  succeed  so  well,  no  wonder 
he  continues   to  practise  it.     But  as  that  great  man  wisely 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.  D.  1790  to  1796.  49 

observes,  '  Here  you  must  feel  your  way  out.'  But  be  com- 
forted with  this  consideration,  that  light  is  at  hand.  We 
must  first  pass  through  this  dark  valley  :  but  notice  particu- 
larly how  Pilgrim  passed  through  it.  I  well  remember  when 
travelling  this  part  of  the  road  myself,  how  my  very  heart 
used  to  ache  with  the  conflicts  I  had  to  sustain.  Day  and 
night  did  the  enemy  follow  me  with  his  scourges.  When  eat- 
ing, it  was  either  too  much,  or  the  wrong  sort,  or  it  was  not 
with  proper  gratitude.  If  I  spoke,  it  was  through  pride,  to 
seek  praise;  or  it  was  idle  talk,  and  wasting  time;  indeed 
there  was  not  an  action  in  which  the  enemy  did  not  follow  me, 
and  give  me  a  buffet  at  every  step.  If  it  were  not  for  the  con- 
solation which  Gqjfi  gives  us  to  taste  of  at  such  times,  the  spirit 
would  fail :  but  '  count  it  all  joy  : '  these  afflictions  work  ex- 
perience. 

"  I  believe  what  Mr.  C.  says  is  quite  right.  Too  many, 
from  a  manifestation  of  joy,  such  as  you  have  had,  suppose 
themselves  in  a  high  state  of  favour;  and  afterwards  they  are 
brought  very  low  to  humble  them.  But  the  dealings  of  God 
with  his  people  are  various.  Some  receive  the  blessed  witness 
earlier,  and  some  later.  Some  see  more  of  the  depravity  of 
their  fallen  nature  before  that  time,  and  some  afterwards. 
Therefore  we  should  expect  and  pray  to  be  led  as  God  sees  fit; 
and  not  prescribe  anything.  '  One  day  is  with  the  Lord  as  a 
thousand  years.'  Manifestations  of  joy  are  given  us  as  re- 
freshments to  help  us  on  our  way ;  but  are  not  to  be  trusted  in. 
We  are  still  weak,  and  must  expect  to  feel  so  the  next  time 
we  are  assaulted  with  that  powerful  enemy,  who  fights  with  us 
through  the  instrumentality  of  the  unbelieving  world — the  re- 
ligious world — our  friends  and  our  enemies — our  appetites — 
our  business — our  lawful  cares — and  our  natural  propensities. 
One  way  or  other,  he  will  strive  to  hinder  our  running  the 
race.  But  faith  is  our  shield  :  we  are  saved  in  all  these  by 
the  vigorous  exercises  of  faith.  If/  should  be  a  means  of 
hurling  your  mind  at  any  time,  the  best  way  to  disappoint  the 
enemy  in  his  machinations  is  to  tell  it  me  directly.  I  do  ex- 
pect he  will  try  to  avail  himself  of  me:  therefore  be  prepared: 

'For  truest  friends,  through  error,  wound  our  peace.'" 

From  Mrs.  Haavkes  to  Mrs.  Jones. 

♦'  I  heartily  thank  my  dearest  sister  lor  her  most  welcome 
letter.  Human  friendship  is  an  uncertain  good,  and  a  hack- 
neyed theme :  but  I  was  deJLighted  to-day  in  the  consideration 


50  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKE3. 

that  yours  and  mine  was  now  cenaen(ed  by  divine  love,'  bui'U 
upon  a  foundation  that  cannot  be  moved.  Your  letters  are  an 
unspeakable  cordial  and  help  to  my  drooping  spirits.  To 
know  I  am  under  such  a  Divine  leader  ought  to  reconcile  me' 
to  my  journey  however  painful  or  dreary.  Yet  I  am  ever 
ready  to  faint  by  reason  of  the  way.  I  believe  that  when  poor 
Christian  was  getting  up  the  Hill  Difficulty,  he  was  at  one 
time  so  hard  put  to  it,  as  to  be  obliged  to  scramble  upon  his 
hands  and  knees.  I  have  of  late  seemed  reduced  to  the  same 
expedient,  for  my  burdens  are  so  various  and  so  heavy,  I  can 
neither  walk  nor  run,  but  toil,  and  pant,  and  creep  forward. 
Thanks  be  to  God,  however,  my  aim  through,  and  under  all, 
is,  upwards — to  get  on,  if  by  any  means.  And  sometimes  he 
condescends  to  grant  me  a  gracious  revival  by  the  way,  v/here- 
by  I  gain  breath  a  little,  and  fresh  determination  to  press  on; 
taking  for  my  encouragement,  that  it  is  no  nev/  thing,  because 
our  Lord  foretold  us,  that  in  the  world  we  should  have  tribu- 
lation,  but  that  in  him  we  should  have  peace.  Lord.,  in  mercy 
grant  me  that  peace !  Prayer,  as  you  say,  is  my  only  re- 
source ;  w^ith  faith,  hope,  and  patience  :  waiting  till  the  vision 
shall  speak.  Indeed,  when  I  am  enabled  to  pray,  1  get  on  : 
but  I  have  been  lately  subject  to  so  much  bodily  languor  and 
weariness,  with  agitated  nerves,  that  my  mind  seems  capable 
of  little  more  than  breathings. 

"  I  have  been  comforted  by  that  very  expression  in  the  La- 
mentations, '  Hide  not  thine  ear  from  my  breathing.'  The 
Spirit  helpeth  our  infirmities,  and,  as  Owen  says,  '  Intercedes 
within,  while  a  mighty  advocate  is  interceding  without,  at  the 
right  hand  of  the  Father.  With  such  helps,  and  such  promises, 
how  weak  is  that  faith  which  sinks  !  and  yet  my  spirit  did 
sink  under  the  apprehension  of  fresh  disturbances  and  agitation 
lately."  "  The  waves  rose  very  rapidly  :  but  1  endeavoured 
to  recollect  my  lesson,  and  look  at  the  Master  of  the  storm, 
and  at  his  will  in  the  affair;  and  the  storm  in  some  measure 
abated.  Pray  for  me,  that  I  may  be  enabled  to  say,  'Thy  will 
be  done.'  He  knows  how  feeble  and  how  frail  I  am  ;  that  '  I 
am  become  like  a  bottle  in  the  smoke;  '  and  he  will  not  crush 
but  deliver. 

"  I  am  endeavouring  to  improve  occasions.  A  thousand 
occurrences  arise,  as  my  days  and  hours  pass  on,  which  give 
mean  opportunity  of  getting  some  slight  view  of  my  own  heart; 
as  little  crevices  in  a  shutter  or  door  admit  a  ray  of  light,  by 
which  if  one  cannot  discover  all  that  a  dark  room  contains, 
one  may  see  some  few  objects.     Oh,  self!  self!  thou  tormen- 


CHAP.   III. FROM  A.  D.   1790  TO   1796.  51 

tor  of  my  peace  !  Well,  I  hope  not  to  be  mourning  over  the 
ruins,  but  looking  to  the  recovei'y.  I  can  say  with  truth,  my 
heart  smites  me,  and  I  am  filled  with  shame  when  I  consider 
how  little  I  render  to  the  Lord  for  all  his  benefits;  and  how 
much  unbelief,  foreboding  fears,  and  inward  depravity,  pride, 
impatience,  and  self-will  yet  remain.  However,  the  process 
of  the  refiner,  is,  I  trust,  still  going  on  ;  and  my  earnest  prayer 
is,  that  like  Job,  when  I  am  tried,  I  may  come  forth  as  gold. 
Every  stroke  I  more  than  deserve  ;  but  every  favour,  every 
mercy,  is  the  purchase  of  an  adorable  Saviour,  freely  bestowed, 
for  his  own  name's  sake.  Pray  for  me  that  I  may  ever  thus 
think  and  feel ;  for  I  can  do  so  no  longer  than  enabled  by  grace." 

From  this  period  Mrs.  Hawkes  wrote  down  in  her  diary 
those  parts  of  Mr.  Cecil's  sermons  which  she  felt  most  useful 
to  her.  As  the  entire  working  of  her  mind  will  be  seen  in  her 
manner  of  improving  divine  ordinances,  and  in  those  records 
of  sermons  with  which  her  own  heart  went  along,  occasional 
extracts  from  these  fragments  may  interest  the  reader. 

Jan.  1,  1792.  Sunday, — "Heard  Mr.  C.  from  Psalm  xxvii. 
4.  '  One  thing  have  I  desired  of  the  Lord,  that  will  I  seek  af- 
ter ;  that  I  may  dweil  in  the  house  of  the  Lord  all  the  days  of 
my  life,  to  behold  the  beauty  of  the  Lord,  and  to  enquire  in 
his  temple.' 

'The  Psalmist  gives  his  reasons  why  he  desires  this  "one 
thing."  First,  to  behold  the  beauty  of  the  Lord  ;  not  anyone 
particular  attribute,  but  the  whole.  As  beauty  consists  in  an 
assemblage  of  parts,  blending  and  harmonizing  together,  so 
the  beauty  of  the  Lord  shines  forth  most  fully  in  the  plan  of 
redemption,  where  '  Righteousness  and  peace  have  kissed  each 
other;'  where  God,  by  his  manifold  wisdom  in  Christ,  can  be 
just,  and  yet  the  justifier  of  the  ungodly. 

♦The  Psalmist  also  desires  to  dwell  in  the  temple  of  the 
Lord,  to  enquire  the  Divine  mind  and  will.  He  knows  it  is 
there  that  God  reveals  himself;  it  is  there  he  bestows  his  bless- 
ing and  favour  :  therefore,  in  another  place  he  says,  "  My  soul 
longeth  for  thee  in  a  dry  and  thirsty  land,  to  see  thy  power 
and  glory,  so  as  I  have  seen  thee  in  the  sanctiiary."  He  also 
desires  it  because  it  is  a  place  of  refuge;  "  For  in  the  time  of 
trouble  he  shall  hide  me  in  his  pavilion,  in  the  secret  of  his 
tabernacle  shall  he  hide  me."  He  does  not  say  he  shall  have 
no  enemies;  but,  ^^  now  shall  mine  head  be  lifted  up  above 
mine  enemies."  David  had  a  fourth  reason  for  this  earnest 
wish,  namely,  that  he  might  offer  the  sacrifices  of  prayer  and 
praise.     "  Therefore  will  1  offer  in  thy  tabernacle  sacrifices  of 

joy." 


52  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  IIAWKE3. 

She  then  adds  a  prayer,  which  will  be  found  her  usual  prac- 
tice in  recording  sermons. 

"  Grant,  O  Lord,  that  the  rich  instructions  I  have  heard  this 
day,  may  never  be  forgotten.  Let  thy  preached  gospel  be  as 
seed  sown  on  good  ground,  which  shall  brino;  forth  fruit  an 
hundred  fold.  Let  thy  blessing  be  upon  me,  in  all  my  temporal 
and  spiritual  concerns,  through  every  day  of  this  new  year. 
Wash  away  all  my  transgressions  through  the  year  that  is 
past.  Enable  me  to  say  to  whatever  would  impede  my  spir- 
itual progress,  '  Hinder  me  not.' 

"Oh  that  I  may,  like  the  man  after  God's  own  heart,  pur- 
sue only  this  '  one  thing,'  to  dwell  in  the  house  of  the  Lord  all 
the  days  of  my  life. 

"  One  wish,  with  holy  transport  warm, 
My  heart  hath  formed,  and  yet  shall  form  ; 

One  gift  I  ask  ; — that  to  my  end, 
Fair  Zion's  courts  I  may  attend. 

There  joyful  find  a  sure  abode. 

And  view  the  beauty  of  my  God." 

Monday^  Jan.  2. — "May  1  bear  in  mind  the  confessions 
and  sorrows  that  closed  the  year  1791  !  And  may  this  year, 
entered  upon  with  many  tears  and  prayers,  see  better  fruit 
than  the  last. 

"  As  I  have  gained  some  painful  knowledge  of  my  own  de- 
fects, so  J  trust  1  have  obtained  some  comfortable  knowledge 
of  the  gracious  character  of  my  Saviour  ;  '  whom  not  having 
seen,'  1  love  in  some  small  measure :  and  desire  above  all  things 
to  knov/  and  love  him  more.  But  let  me  remember,  herein 
is  the  test  of  love  :  'If  ye  love  me  keep  my  commandments.' 

"  How  happy  would  my  days  be  if  I  could  say,  '  As  for  me 
and  my  house,  we  will  serve  the  Lord ;' — Yet  here  is  my  comfort, 
»  Although  my  house  be  not  so  with  God  ;  yet  he  hath  made  with 
me  an  everlasting  covenant,  ordered  in  all  things  andsure.' " 

Jan.  10. — "Very  ill  to-day.  If  I  am  not  self-deceived,  I 
have  a  longing  to  depart  and  to  be  with  Christ.  Why  should 
I  wish  to  stay  in  this  cold  desert  wilderness?  This  is  not  my 
rest :  surely  then  death  should  be  welcome  to  me,  as  a  friend 
that  is  about  to  conduct  me  home.  Ah,  how  many,  many, 
sorrows  have  I  here  !  But  I  desire  to  be  resigned  to  whatever 
my  Saviour  appoints.  I  am  not  my  own,  but  His.  His  by 
creation — His  by  redemption — His  by  adoption — His  by  a 
cheerful  surrender  of  my  vile  self  to  Him.  And  shall  I  pre- 
sume to  choose  for  myself, — cither  health  or  sickness,  ease  or 


CHAP.   III. — FR03I  A.   D.   1790  TO  1796.  53 

sorrow,  life  or  death  ]  I  abhor  myself  that  though  I  say  a  thou- 
sand times  over  and  over, — O  my  Saviour!  I  would  not,  if  I 
could,  choose  for  myself; — yet  in  practice,  I  am  continually 
doing  so.  How  much  more  is  my  judgment  enlightened,  than 
my  will  subdued.  I  wonder  if  I  shall  always  have  lo  lament 
this?  Thanks  for  the  promise,  '  Sin  shall  not  have  dominion 
over  you.'  " 

Wednesday,  Feb.  16,  1792. — "  In  returning  home  from 
Long-Acre  Chapel  this  evening,  among  other  things,  my  re- 
vered minister,  with  much  solemnity  said, — '  Whatever  your 
path  in  this  world  may  be,  whether  smooth  or  thorny,  I  trust 
you  will  never  be  suffered  to  depart  from  God,  or  be  unstable 
in  your  profession.  Anything  but  that.  May  /never  become 
a  witness  against  you  in  the  day  of  judgment.  Aiiy  thing  but 
that  I  ' 

"  And  now,  O  Lord,  in  my  secret  chamber,  my  prayer  unto 
thee  is  indeed,  '  Amj  thing  but  that.''  O  let  me  suffer  pover- 
ty, affliction,  and  a  thousand  deaths,  rather  than  forsake  my 
God — rather  than  turn  again  to  the  lying  vanities  of  this  world. 
My  eyes  run  down  with  tears  lest  my  deceitful  heart  should 
again  be  entangled  in  the  love  of  sin.  What  an  awful  idea; 
that  my  faithful  minister  should  ever  appear  as  a  witness 
against  me  at  the  bar  of  God!  O  Lord,  preserve  and  keep  me 
in  the  right  way :  lead  me,  and  teach  me  in  the  way  of  thy 
commandments.  Shall  I  ever  be  plucked  out  of  thy  gracious 
hands?  Hast  thou  not  said  of  thy  sheep,  that  they  shall  not? 
O  let  me  not  turn  to  broken  cisterns,  since  thou  hast  given  me 
to  taste  of  the  living  water." 

Thursday. — "  Never  can  it  be  told  what  is  contained  in 
these  gracious  words,  '  And  when  he  putteth  forth  his  own 
sheep,  he  goeth  before  them,  and  the  sheep  follow  him,  for  they 
know  his  voice.' 

"And  again,  '  I  give  unto  them  eternal  life,  and  they  shall 
never  perish,  neither  shall  any  pluck  them  out  of  my  hand. 
My  Father,  which  gave  them  me,  is  greater  than  all ;  and  no 
man  is  able  to  pluck  them  out  of  my  Father's  hand.' 

"  Here  is  a  solid  rock  !  My  sins  try  hard  to  pluck  me  out  ; 
my  ever-wakeful  enemy  tries  hard  to  pluck  me  out :  but,  O 
Lord,  remember  thy  word  unto  thy  handmaid  whereon  ihou 
hast  caused  her  to  trust,  'None  shall  pluck  them  out  of  mv 
hand.'" 

Friday. — "  How  am  I  terrified  at  the  departure  of from 

God!  O  Lord,  give  him  not  up  to  judicial  blindness.  Alas! 
alas  !  Should  such  a  case  ever  be  mine  !  What  if  I  too  should 
5* 


^4  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.   HAWKES. 

turn  to  broken  cisterns  :  should  again  follow  lyinfr  vanities, 
and  '  forsake  my  own  mercies  !'  And  what  should  hmder  me  ? 
Nothing  but  the  grace  of  God.  '  Hold  thou  me  up,  and  I  shall 
be  safe:'  O  take  away  my  life,  rather  than  suffer  me  ever  to 
grieve  or  quench  thy  Holy  Spirit. 

"  This  case  teaches  many  awful  lessons.  May  I  review 
them  often  as  I  go  on  in  my  pilgrimao-e. 

"  First,  I  would  say  respecting  the  mystery  of  the  subject, 
'  Keep  me,  O  Lord,  from  uttering  things  that  1  understand  not  ; 
things  too  wonderful  for  me,  that  I  know  not.  Behold  I  am 
vile,  1  will  lay  my  hand  upon  my  mouth.  Shall  not  the  judge 
of  all  the  earth  do  right.' 

"  Secondly,  I  would  hear  the  apostle  say,  '  Let  him  that 
thinketh  he  standelh,  take  heed  lest  he  fall.'  And  '  See  that 
ye  walk  circumspectly,  not  as  fools  but  as  wise,  redeeming  the 
time.'  'Let  us  therefore  fear  lest  a  promise  being  left  us  of 
entering  into  his  rest,  any  of  you  should  seem  to  come  short 
of  it.' " 

Wednesday.— '^  Whither  should  mourners  go  for  consola- 
tion,  but  to  the  sanctuary?     '  My  soul  meltethYor   heaviness, 
strengthen  thou  me,  according  to  t'hy  word.'     My  soul  is  pierced 
through  with  many  sorrows,  and   this  has  been  a  day  of  se- 
vere outward  conflict.     Had  I  looked  to  the  strong  for  strength, 
and  kept  my  mouth  as  with  a  bridle,  and  acquitted  myself  like 
a  good  soldier  of  Jesus  Christ,— it  would  have  been  only  ow^ 
ward  ;  but  failing  in  this  point,  the  enemy  has  gained  great  ad- 
vantage over  me;  and   my  mind  and    frame  is  thrown  into  a 
ferment,  not  soon  to  be  allayed.     It  has  long  been  my  earnest 
desire,  to  fill  up  my  several  relations  in  life,  especially  o/ze,  as 
unto  the  Lord.     I  have  been  anxious  that  I  might  never  dis- 
honour my  Christian   profession.     1  have  been  anxious  to  ob- 
tain  domestic  happiness,  which  I  have  thought  m.y  disposition 
and  heart  formed  for.     I  find,  however,  from  repeated  disap- 
pointments, that  I  must  live  by  faith.     I  must  look,  not  at  the 
sword,  but  at  the  hand  that  holds  it.     I  must  say,  this  and  that 
severe  stroke  is  not  from  man  ;  but  from  my  heavenly  Father, 
who  '  scourgeth  every  son  whom  he  receiveth.'     (Heb.  xii.  6.) 
1  am  well   persuaded  that  a  Christian  ought  to  evidence  to  all 
around,  that  he  has  the  love  that  '  beareth  all  things  ;  is  not 
easily  provoked  ;'  or  what  difference  is  there,  before  man,  be- 
tween  him   and  a  tinkling  cymbal  ?     And  where  is  the  glory 
that  he  should  render  to  God?  And  what  sign  is  there  of  grati- 
tude  for  the  saving  love  of  Christ  ?     And  what  conformity  to 
his  suffering  master  ?    '  What  do  ye  more  than  others  ?'    I  will 


CHAP.  Ill FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.        55 

therefore,  instead  of  saying,  '  It  is  impossible,'  pray  for  that 
grace  that  can  enable  me  to  do  all  things ; — things  contrary, 
and  hard  to  flesh  and  blood.  I  may,  and  I  fear  Tshall  fail  to 
please  man  :  but  my  Saviour  is  not  an  hard  master  ;  if  1  la- 
bour to  please  Him,  1  shall  not  fail  ;  his  favour  will  bear  me 
up  under  my  disappointments,  and  strengthen  me  to  endure. 

"  'Tis  good  for  me  to  wear  the  yoke, 
For  pride  is  apt  to  rise  and  swell ; 
'Tis  good  to  bear  my  Father's  stroke, 
That  I  might  learn  his  statutes  well." 

Wednesday. — "  Prevented  this  evenino;  from  going  as  usual 
to  Long-Acre  Chapel, — by  which  I  learn  a  sad  lesson  of  my 
remaining  unsubdued, unhumbled  spirit.  1  am  quarrelling  with 
causes,  but  I  should  be  observant  ot^  effects.  The  effect  of  this 
disappointment  might  have  been  good,  and  have  taught  me 
many  useful  lessons.  But  my  rebellious  will,  and  self-choos- 
ing, turned  it  into  evil,  and  sorrow;  instead  of  the  sacrifice  of 
a  contrite  and  submissive  spirit,  it  was  the  sacrifice  of  a  tem- 
per. Thus  even  a  love  of  the  ordinances  themselves  may  step 
out  of  its  place,  and  be  adulterated  by  self-will,  and  self-pleas- 
ing. Whatever  brings  the  heart  into  subjection  to  the  Divine 
will,  is  the  best  ordinance.  I  therefore  trust  that  this  detection 
of  a  wrong  principle,  will  make  my  being  kept  at  home  not  all 
loss.  What  a  mercy  I  can  go  so  frequently  ;  and  what  a 
greater  mercy  to  have  a  taste  and  relish  for  the  Gospel.  How- 
many  mercies  now  crowd  in  upon  my,  I  hope,  humble  spirit; 
and  how  much  cause  for  shame  and  confusion  of  face  that  they 
have  not  been  more  improved.  Visit  me  not,  O  Lord,  as  my 
sins  deserve,  by  taking  my  privileges  away  ;  but  let  me  ever 
have  access  to  thy  sanctuary.  Keep  my  mercies  for  me,  for 
they  are  only  safe  in  thy  hands. 

Thursday. — "A  marvellous  escape  from  great  danger  to- 
day. In  driving  alone  to  town,  the  coachman  was,  by  a  sud- 
den jolt,  thrown  out  of  his  seat.  The  horses  took  fright,  and 
galloped  at  an  amazing  rate  for  some  distance,  but  were  provi- 
dentially stopped  just  as  they  were  turning  near  a  bank.  '  Bless 
the  Lord,  O  my  soul,  who  redeemeth  fhv  life  from  destruc- 
tion.'" 

From  the  following  letter  it  appears  probable,  that  Mrs. 
Hawkes  had  written  to  Mrs.  Jones,  expressing  the  difficulty 
which  she  felt  in  obeying  that  Scripture  command,  '  Love  your 
enemies.'  A  command  with  which  none  ever  did  comply,  who 
had  not  felt  what  it  was  to  experience  the  Divine  forgiveness, 


56  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

and  obtained  that  '  precious  faith,'  whereby  we  are  made  '  par- 
takers of  the  Divine  nature.'     Mrs.  Jones  writes: — 

"  It  is  indeed  painful  to  have  our  judgment  and  practice  at 
variance.  It  is  said  'Love  your  enemies.'  Alas!  I  cannot 
love  my  friends  as  I  ought  to  do,  especially  when  they  use  me 
unkindly,  an  instance  of  which  has  just  occurred.  All  these 
failures  arise  from  the  want  of  more  love.  We  must  have 
more  of  the  mind  of  Christ,  before  we  can  walk  in  that  meek- 
ness and  lowliness,  that  self-renunciation  and  resignation,  which 
he  requires  of  us.  God  would  never  have  commanded  us  to 
do  well  and  suffer  for  it  patiently,  if  he  had  not  meant  to  give 
us  strength  to  comply  with  the  injunction. 

"  I  do  not  know  what  is  more  unreasonable,  than  to  expect 
a  humble,  kind  behaviour,  from  a  person  under  the  domin- 
ion of  pride  and  selfishness.  When  a  covetous  worshipper  of 
the  god  Mammon,  is  benevolent  to  the  poor  and  needy  ;  when 
those  whom  the  Scripture  styles  '  Lovers  of  themselves,'  are 
found  seeking  the  advantage  or  happiness  of  others,  (any  fur- 
ther than  as  it  seconds  their  own,) — then  shall  we  assuredly 

*  gather  grapes  of  thorns,  or  figs  of  thistles.'  But  the  Chris- 
tian has  a  spiritual  supply  which  the  world  knows  nothing  of; 
with  an  eternal  spring,  which  our  Lord  emphatically  calls, 

*  living  water;'  and  by  the  assistance  of  this  spiritual  princi- 
ple, he  can  love  his  enemies  ;  and  he  can  do  good  to  them  that 
hate  him. 

"  I  was  last  night  much  pleased  with  a  sermon  of  Mr.  B — 's 
from  this  text,  'Be  ye  merciful,  as  your  Father  which  is  in 
heaven  is  merciful,  for  he  doeth  good  to  the  just,  and  the  un- 
just.' What  species  of  ingratitude,  disobedience,  and  contempt 
can  we  conceive  of  that  is  not  daily  offered  to  God,  with  ten 
thousand  aggravations !  and  yet  his  mercy  endureth  through 
all !  Though  the  unbelieving  and  disobedient  eat  not  the  chil- 
dren's bread,  yet  they  have  such  favours  as  they  are  capable  of 
receiving.  Mr.  B.  observed,  '  that  upon  Adam's  transgres- 
sion, righteousness  and  truth  forsook  the  earth,  and  flev/  to 
heaven,  from  whence  they  came;  but  mercy  stood  by  the  poor 
delinquent  till  it  had  found  out  a  ransom,  and  then  brought 
back  the  other  graces.'  Oh  that  our  hearts  may  become,  and 
ever  remain,  the  habitation  of  mercy  !  Let  us  ever  be  seeking 
after  this  conformity  to  our  Father  in  heaven.  Every  act  of 
faith  and  love  admits  a  little  more  of  the  Divine  nature  into 
our  souls." 

Before  Mrs.  Hawkes's  conversion,  she  had   been   pursuing 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.        57 

shadows,  and  enquiring,  "  Who  will  shew  me  any  good?" 
The  language  of  her  heart  now  was,  "  Lord,  lifi  thou  up  the 
light  of  thy  countenance  upon  me;"  and  the  full  attainment  of 
this  blessing  she  sought  in  retirement,  and  in  communion  with 
the  Father  of  spirits.  This  is  illustrated  by  the  extracts  from 
her  diary,  which  come  next  in  order  ;  and  which  form  a  strik- 
ing comment  upon  the  words  spoken  by  divine  wisdom,  Prov. 
viii.  21.  "That  1  may  cause  those  that  love  me  to  inherit  sub- 
stance.^'' 

April,  1792. — "  I  can  never  be  enough  thankful,  that  I  am 
not  obliged  to  waste  my  time  in  visiting  and  receiving  visits. 
There  was  a  season  when  I  was  as  fond  of  doing  so  as  any 
one ;  but  thanks  be  to  my  gracious  Saviour,  who  has  given 
me  a  new  taste — new  objects — new  pursuits — new  and  true 
enjoyments.  With  my  books  I  never  find  the  day  long  enough  ; 
and  the  week  is  gone  before  I  am  ready  for  the  end.  This  is 
the  advantage  of  religion;  and  this  the  privilege  of  retirement 
and  solitude!  This  is  the  secret  of  being  happy;  which  none 
of  the  great  ones  of  the  earth  ever  knew." 

May,  1792.—"  A  very  merciful  preservation  from  fire. 
The  boards  in  the  house  had  begun  to  burn  ;  but  the  fire  was 
stopped  by  the  activity  of  a  friend,  at  some  hazard  to  himself. 
Let  me  remember  the  providential  deliverance  with  gratitude." 

June  10. — "Much  delighted  and  profited  by  reading  Dr. 
Owen  on  the  '  Glory  of  Christ.'  My  mind  is  overwhelmed 
with  the  grandeur  of  the  subject.  I  seem  to  get  a  glimpse,  a 
little  ray  of  that  glorious  light:  But  how  narrow,  how  weak, 
how  feeble  is  my  view.  The  eyes  of  my  understanding  seem 
scarcely  opened.  Surely,  to  know  Christ,  to  become  acquaint- 
ed with  his  glory,  and  especially  with  his  glory  as  the  Re- 
deemer,  it  is  a  subject  sufficient  to  occupy  every  faculty  ;  and 
to  fill  up  every  moment  of  time.  What  is  the  boasted  wisdom 
of  this  world?  mere  folly.  Oh  to  grow  in  this  divine  know- 
ledge ! 

"  I  find  in  reading  this  amazing  book,  that  my  mind  is  too 
feeble  to  grasp  the  author's  comprehensive  view  all  at  once  ;  I 
therefore  take  one  passage  at  a  time,  and  having  endeavoured 
to  understand  that,  go  on  to  another;  till,  by  and  by,  1  trust 
I  shall  be  more  able  to  connect  the  whole.  Much  is  lost  by  a 
more  general  view  of  things.  Thus  in  the  works  of  crea- 
tion, a  general  view  confounds  the  mind:  you  can  only  ut- 
ter, '  It  is  all  stupendous  !'  But  take,  for  instance,  a  blade 
of  grass,  or  the  smallest  insect,  and  set  all  the  powers  of  the 
mind  to  investigate  these,  and  what  is  the  efl^ect  ?  a  conviction 


58  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

of  extreme  ignorance:  for  if  these  cannot  be  understood,  how 
can  millions  of  other  wonders  !  and  if  we  cannot  understand 
earthly  things,  how  can  we  understand  heavenly  ?  Only  by 
the  teaching  of  the  Holy  Spirit,  and  the  diligent  use  of  means 
in  dependence  ihereon.  Henceforth  may  1  have  no  other  study 
but  to  '  know  Christ.'  " 

July  1. — "  Was  favoured  to-day  by  a  visit  from  my  hon- 
oured minister.  '  There  is  no  such  thing,'  said  he,  '  in  the 
Christian  life  as  standing  still.  If  we  do  not  get  forward,  we 
must  loose  ground.  If  a  child  should  be  no  larger  in  its  growth 
at  eight  years  old,  than  it  was  at  four,  we  know  at  once  that 
there  is  something  the  matter.  So  it  is  with  the  soul;  if  the 
graces  of  the  spirit  do  not  grow  and  flourish,  there  is  some  la- 
tent cause  which  calls  for  examination.  If  our  love  to  God,  to 
his  word,  to  his  ordinances,  to  his  people,  does  not  increase 
and  if  our  love  of  sin,  and  love  to  the  world  does  not  lessen, 
it  is  a  sign  we  do  not  grow  in  grace.  If  we  do  not  gain  a 
greater  mastery  over  ourselves,  our  tempers  and  affections,  our 
bad  habits,  than  we  had  at  our  first  setting  out  in  Christianity, 
we  surely  do  not  grow  in  grace. 

'  Never  expect  much  of  the  joy  of  the  Holy  Ghost,  if  your 
heart  and  mind  be  occupied  in  the  enjoyment  of  sense.  The 
joy  of  the  spirit  is  a  delicate,  sacred  deposit ;  and  must  be 
kept  in  a  pure  casket.  An  unholy  breath  will  dim  its  lustre, 
and  fade  its  freshness.  The  joys  of  sense — even  the  most 
lawful  of  them— are  agitating,  tumultuous,  and  unsatisfactory. 
The  joy  of  the  spirit  is  calming,  modest,  strengthening,  eleva- 
ting, and  satisfying.  The  joys  of  sense,  at  the  best,  enervate, 
lower  and  impoverish  the  soul.  The  joys  of  the  spirit  ennoble 
and  enrich  it.' 

"At  another  time  Mr.  C.  observed,  'They  who  would 
yield  unreserved  obedience,  when  they  know  what  the  will  of 
God  is,  must  neither  be  influenced  by  carnal  aficctions,  nor  list- 
en to  plausible  objections,  nor  consult  partial  counsellors  ;  nor 
make  any  delays;  but  committing  all  to  the  Lord's  hand,  must 
simply  follow  the  pillar  and  the  cloud.'  May  I  be  a  follower  of 
them,  who,  through  faith  and  patience,  inherit  the  promises!" 

August. — "'A  man's  foes  shall  be  they  of  his  own  house- 
hold.' How  true  do  I  know  this  to  be  !  Happy  that  soul  who 
can  say  in  the  spirit  as  well  as  in  the  words  of  Christ, '  Father 
forgive  them,  they  know  not  what  they  do.'  Through  grace, 
I  know  what  it  is  to  say  this  in  some  small  measure,  and  at 
sometimes;  but  oh,  to  find  it  an  abiding  principle  is  what  I  want! 

"  '  And  the   Lord  said    unto  Solomon,   '  Ask,  what  I  shall 


CHAP.  Ill FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.         59 

give  thee  ;'  and  he  has  said  to  each  of  his  children,  '  Ask,  and 
ye  shall  receive.'  Why  then  am  1  lean  from  day  to  day?  Give, 
I  pray  thee,  thine  handmaid,  a  wise  and  understanding  heart." 

September  21. — "  Let  me  record  this  evening's  failure  that 
I  may  rememher  it  with  humiliation.  My  heart  meditated 
kindness  which  it  was  not  backward  to  perform  ;  I  gave  up 
my  feelings  to  my  duty,  but  it  was  not  received  ;  on  the  con- 
trary, 1  had  blame  instead  of  commendation,  and  hereon  I  lost 
my  temper  and  spake  unadvisedly  with  my  lips.  This  proves 
1  had  desired  to  please  man  rather  than  God.  When  shall  I 
learn  to  expect  my  happiness  from  God  only.  He  is  always 
pleased  with  the  desire  to  please  him,  and  never  chills  the  heart 
that  approaches  him  with  holy  love  and  confidence.  I  have, 
however,  much  to  be  ashamed  of,  and  1  will  endeavour  to  look 
at  my  own  faults,  rather  than  justify  myself,  by  tracing  the 
faults  of  another.  '  Self  justification  may  be  urged  at  an  un- 
reasonable time.  It  may  be  heard  wlien  the  mind  becomes 
calm,  but  to  offer  it  during  a  seizure  of  passion,  is  like  offering 
reason  to  a  lunatic'  1  shrink  at  the  question,  am  I  like  Him 
who,  *  when  he  was  reviled,  reviled  not  again?'  '  Enter  not 
into  judgment  with  thy  servant,  O  Lord.'" 

Jan.  1793.  Sunday — "My  prayer  is,  that  through  the 
whole  of  this  year,  I  may  every  day  taste  that  the  Lord  is 
gracious,  as  I  have,  through  mercy,  done  this  day.  Thou  that 
knowest  all  things,  thou  that  knowest  the  secrets  of  the  heart, 
and  the  inmost  thoughts  and  desires,  thou  knowest  I  do  not  en- 
treat for  riches,  nor  honour,  nor  even,  (but  as  far  as  it  may 
please  thee)  for  a  removal  of  my  many  trials  and  sorrows  !  No 
—  my  first  and  most  ardent  desire  is,  (unless  I  am  greatly  self- 
deceived,)  that  thou  wilt  give  me  the  portion  of  thy  children, 
that  thou  wilt  '  remember  me  with  the  favour  thou  bearest  un- 
to thy  people,'  that,  like  Mary,  I  may  sit  at  thy  feet,  O  blessed 
Jesus,  and  attentively  hear  thy  voice." 

Feb.  Sunday. — "  Much  instructed  and  refreshed  to-day. 
Lord,  water  the  seed  sown,  by  the  showers  of  thy  grace  ! 

"  My  invaluable  minister  has  some  symptoms  of  a  serious 
complaint,  which,  should  it  increase,  will  prevent  his  preach- 
ing.    May  the  Lord  of  the  vineyard  avert  so  heavy  a  calamity  !" 

Saturday. — "Why  is  it  that  the  weeks,  days,  and  hours 
fly  faster  away  when  alone  than  in  company,  but  because  I 
can  more  freely  and  silently  converse  with  my  then  most  pres- 
ent Saviour.  Through  divine  grace  I  can  say,  and  I  would 
speak  it  with  reverence,  '  With  him  conversing  I  forget  all 
time ;  All  seasons,  and  their  change.'  " 


60  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    IIAWKES. 

Though  Mrs.  Hawkes  had  a  peculiar  capacity  for  improv- 
ing  and  enjoying  retirement,  yet  her  disposition  was  highly 
social  ;  and  she  constantly  maintained  much  spiritual  inter- 
course with  Christian  friends.  It  was  about  this  period  that  she 
became  acquainted  with  Mrs.  Ely  Bates.  The  following  letter 
from  this  friend,  whom  she  much  valued,  may  be  found  inter- 
esting, and  will  also  afford  an  occasion  of  bringing  out  some 
features  of  Mrs.  H's  character. 

"  Brompton,  Feb.  22,  1793." 
"My  dear  friend, 

"  You  will  permit  me  to  call  you  so,  because  you  have  been 
already  such  in  some  respects,  and  1  trust  you  will  be  more  so 
to  me:  I  mean  that  I  shall  give  you  occasion  to  do  me  more 
good.  The  chief  good  I  want,  and  would  beg  you  to  help  me 
to  obtain,  is,  to  climb  up  from  present  to  heavenly  things,  '  To 
be  spiritually -minded  is  life  and  peace  ;'  life,  which  enables 
for  action,  and  peace,  which  strengthens  by  rest.  1  have  lost 
ground  by  an  over  attention  to  little  things  :  therefore  if  1  mean 
to  profit  by  you,  I  see  it  is  my  duty  to  watch  when  we  meetj 
against  entering  on  the  detail  of  common  life,  and  rather  to  en- 
deavour  to  get  strength,  by  union  with  you  to  climb  upwards, 
and  get  near  the  feet  of  that  adorable  Saviour  who  is  not  only 
the  'Saviour  of  the  body,'  his  Church,  but  of  our  bodies  as  distin- 
guished from  our  souls,  and  who  can  shed  his  salvation  into 
all  the  smaller  works  of  our  life :  as,  under  the  law,  all  the  ves- 
sels  as  well  as  the  people,  were  sprinkled  with  blood.  Heb. 
ix,  19—21.  My  dear  friend,  I  am  lower  down  than  you 
think  ;  (and  I  entreat  you  not  to  consider  this  as  the  language 
of  humility  ;)  I  want  practical  comprehension,  that  I  may  not 
give  undue  importance  to  trifles  ;  theoretical  will  not  do.  The 
understanding  works  at  leisure,  distinct  from  the  habits  and 
passions  of  the  whole  man, — like  a  candle  before  it  enters  the 
damp  of  a  coal  pit.  Pray  for  me,  that  my  mind  may  become 
more  spiritual,  that  I  may  get  nearer  to  God,  watch  more  unto 
prayer,  and  cultivate  more  quietness  of  spirit. 

"  I  received  yesterday  a  visit  from  a  Miss  D ,  who  lives 

in  Hornsey  lane,  Ilighgate,  and  it  occurred  to  me  that  you 
mio-ht  be  made  useful  to  her.  She  was  last  year  in  Switzer- 
lanll,  and  brought  me  a  letter  from  a  friend  there,  which  was 
the  occasion  of  her  call.  Her  stay  was  short,  but  she  took  that 
lime  to  open  to  me,  in  some  measure,  the  state  of  her  muid, 
and  the  concern  she  was  under  respecting  her  soul.  It  seems 
she  has  an  aunt  in  Manchester,  a  pious  woman,  with  whom 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.        61 

Miss  D.  had  been  staying  for  some  months  on  a  visit,  and  it 
appears  to  have  been  made  a  blessing  to  her.  But  she  now  stands 
alone  and  expresses  herself  desirous  of  some  help.  I  thought 
I  would  mention  it  to  you,  and  if  you  felt  yourself  disposed  to 
give  her  the  opportunity,  she  would  certainly  be  very  glad  to 
see  you.  I  think  it  is  not  desirable  for  young  persons  in  her 
state  to  have  many  religious  acquaintances;  they  had  better 
be  wholly  secluded  than  dissipated:  her  strength  must  stand 
in  prayer  and  retirement.  She  cannot  enjoy  many  opportunities 
of  hearing  the  truth  preached;  and  certainly  her  calling  is 
rather  to  be  faithful  to  the  openings  of  providence,  than  pass 
over  a  wall,  or  break  through  a  hedge.  I  cannot  think  but 
that,  in  general,  much  loss  is  suffered,  and  harm  incurred,  by 
too  hasty  steps  of  that  kind.  I  believe  that  where  a  heart  is 
simple,  and  attentive  to  divine  grace,  all  that  is  needful  will  be 
given  in  due  time  and  season.  But  we  obscure  the  light,  and 
lose  our  docility,  by  overpassing  the  bounds  of  providence. — 
Yet  it  is  natural  for  persons  in  her  case  to  look  around  and  say, 
'  Come  and  help  me.''  Happy  if  they  who  come,  direct  them 
simply  to  the  great  Shepherd  :  such  escape  many  stumblings 
and  offences.     1  have  only  room  to  add, 

I  remain,  my  dear  friend. 

Yours  affectionately, 

E.  Bates. 

Mrs.  Hawkes  was  a  remarkable  instance  of  that  self-denial, 
and  elevation  of  soul,  which  is  recommended  in  this  letter;  and 
of  those  qualities  which  dispose  the  mind  to  postpone  trifling 
and  passing  cares,  to  weightier  subjects;  not  only  in  the  great 
concerns  of  eternity,  but  also  in  the  cultivation  of  all  that  is  in- 
tellectual and  ennobling.  At  the  same  time,  it  should  be  ob- 
served, that  in  her  personal  habits,  and  domestic  arrangements, 
there  was  a  combination  of  Christian  simplicity,  with  the  beau- 
ty of  order  and  neatness — which  habits  were  continued  to  the 
end  of  her  life,  through  all  the  impediments  of  her  bodily  in- 
firmities. Here  also  begins  to  be  developed  that  hnppy  ca- 
pacity for  engaging  the  affections  and  improving  the  relit^ious 
character  of  young  people,  by  which  Mrs.  Hawkes  was  emi- 
nently distinguished  ;  and  to  which  her  varied  mental  resour- 
ces, her  extensive  experience,  and  never  failing  ciieerfulncss, 
greatly  contributed. 

Many  from  a  sense  of  affectionate  gratitude  for  such  assist- 
ance in  their  spiritual  course,  are   lonoing  to  join   her  liappy 
spirit  now  before  the  throne,  "  with  the  general  assembly  and 
church  of  the  firstborn  which  are  written  in  heaven."     The 
6 


62  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

next  memorandum  proves  the  interest  which  she  took,  while  on 
earth,  in  this  spiritual  family' 

March, — "  I  have  lately  enjoyed  some  delightful  communion 
with  departed  spirits,^  who  were  once,  like  myself,  pilgrims 
and  strangers  upon  earth  ;  poor,  infirm,  sinful,  and  weak  ;  but 
having  believed  the  promises,  and  having  God  for  their  portion^ 
are  now  in  the  blessed  presence  of  him  who  sitteth  upon  the 
throne  forever  ;  and  who  are  praising  him  day  and  night  !  My 
feeble  heart  rejoices  that  though  my  services  are  vile  and  im- 
perfect, they  are  of  the  same  kind  as  theirs.  That  as  they  de- 
light  to  prostrate  themselves  before  God,  so  do  I ;  as  their  hap- 
piness comes  from  God,  so  does  mine;  as  their  joy  and  delight 
is  to  praise  him,  so  it  is  mine.  They  have  crowns  to  cast  before 
him,  I  have  nothing  to  present  but  sinful  prayers  and  tears  ; 
their  worship  is  pure,  mine  is  impure,  and  mixed  with  sin  and 
unbelief.  But  the  blood  of  Jesus  makes  them  clean  ;  and,  per- 
fumed with  the  blessed  incense  of  our  Saviour's  intercession — 
mine,  through  the  tender  mercy  of  my  God,  shall  be  accepted 
as  well  as  theirs." 

Wednesday. — "  Was  again  much  benefited  by  the  conver- 
sation of  my  revered  minister.  By  these  opportunities  my  soul 
is  both  refreshed  and  invigorated.  '  Iron  sharpeneth  iron,  so 
a  man  sharpeneth  the  countenance  of  his  friend.'  (Prov.  xxvii, 
17.)  '  Take  it,'  said  he, '  for  a  standing  rule,^  that  "  Through 
much  tribulation  you  must  enter  into  the  kingdom  of  heaven." 
But  "  as  a  father  pitieth  his  children,  so  the  Lord  pitieth  them 
that  fear  him  ;"  and  he  will  not  suffer  them  to  be  tempted 
"  above  what  they  are  able  to  bear." 

'  It  is  the  will  of  God  that  his  children  should  have  peace 
within,  whatever  they  may  have  without :  therefore  the  Lord 
says,  "  Abide  in  me." 


1  St.  Paul  says,  "  We  are  come  to  the  spirits  of  just  men  made  per- 
fect." On  which  text  Mr.  Gill  remarks,  "  The  spirits,  or  souls,  of  these 
are  only  mentioned,  because  the  communion  of  saints  in  a  Gospel-church 
state,  hes  chiefly  in  the  spirit,  or  souls,  of  each  other, — or  in  spiritual 
things  relating  to  their  souls;  and  their  souls  are  greatly  affected  and 
knit  to  each  other.  The  saints  in  heaven  are  here  intended,  or  at  least 
included,  whose  spirits,  or  souls,  are  separate  from  their  bodies ;  nor  as 
yet  all  the  saints  with  them.  Believers  in  the  present  state  of  things 
may  be  said  to  be  '  come'  to  them,  in  hope,  expectation  and  desire." — 
Matthew  Henry  also  remarks,  "  Believers  have  union  with  departed 
saints  in  one  and  the  same  Head  and  Spirit,  and  a  title  to  the  same  in- 
heritance, of  which  those  in  earth  are  heirs,  those  in  hediy en  possessors,'^ 
— Editor. 


CHAP.  III. — FRo>r  A.  D.  1790,  TO  1796.  63 

'Take  heed  of  heart-backslidings.  Many  are  endangered  by 
this,  who  have  not  made  any  outward  breach.  They  may  be 
looked  up  lo  as  eminent  characters,  when  in  their  conscience 
they  are  convinced  that  their  spiritual  strength  is  shorn,  and 
their  graces  are  in  a  withering  state. 

*  There  is  nothing  that  is  such  a  spring  to  us  in  the  path  of 
duty  as  setting  the  Lord  always  before  us.  Watch  for  the  first 
beam  of  God's  favourable  countenance,  and  take  great  care  to 
cherish  it.     Beware  of  every  thing  that  would  over-cloud  it.'" 

''  Mr.  C.  spoke  also  on  the  dangerous  nature  of  error.  '  Be- 
ware,' said  he,  '  of  error ;  its  force  and  energy  are  indescriba- 
ble ;  and  when  it  once  gets  entrance  into  the  mind,  it  eats  as 
doth  a  canker. 

'  That  error  is  the  strongest  which  is  built  on  some  truth: 
half  the  truth  is  a  lie.  All  the  errors  of  the  difl^erent  religious 
sects  have  been  owing  to  their  separating  and  twisting  to  Their 
own  purpose  some  single  truth  ;  such  persons,  by  taking  un- 
connected Scriptures,  may  make  the  Bible  speak  anything. 

*  Error  is  never  solitanj  ;  it  is  always  attended  by  alhou- 
sand  others.  Burnet  says,  '  while  profaneness  is  the  broad 
road  to  hell,  error  is  the  bye-path.' 

'  All  error  begins  in  the  heart.  It  is  sometimes  remarked 
that  an  erroneous  man,  (such  for  instance  as  a  Socinian,)  is  an 
honest  man  in  avowing  wrong  principles,  because  he  is  zealous 
for  what  he  thinks  is  the  truth.  But  the  question  should  be 
asked,  How  came  he  to  believe  a  lie?  "  Because  they  did  not 
like  to  retain  God  in  their  knowledge."  He  has  willingly 
gone,  step  by  step,  into  error,  till  he  has  arrived  at  that  slate  ; 
and  then,  like  the  apostle  going  to  Damascus,  he  cannot  do 
right  ;  for  had  he  not  gone,  he  would  not  have  acted  upon  his 
own  principles,— and  in  going,  he  acted  quite  contrary  to  the 
will  of  God.  Therefore,  a  man  at  length  gets  into  such  cir- 
cumstances  and  situations  that,  all  things  co'nsidered,  it  is  im- 
possible  for  him  to  act  right.  Two  men  setting  out  from  the 
very  same  point  in  the  angle,  will  be  seen  to  travel  very  widely 
asunder.  A  very  small  pebble  lying  at  the  mouth  of  a  brook 
will  direct  its  course.' 

"  Keep  me,  O  Lord,  as  the  apple  of  thine  eye ;  and  be  thou 
to  me  as  the  shadow  of  a  great  rock  in  a  weary  land.  While  I 
rejoice  in  the  pleasant  streams  of  instruction,  lead  me  ever  up 
to  Thee,  the  fountain  of  Life,  and  enable  me  to  drink  abund- 
antly." 

Sunduy.-^'^  An  uncomfortable  day;  interrupted,  as  many  of 
my  Sabbaths  have  been  of  late,  by  company.     I  am  thus  put 


64 


MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 


out  of  my  track,  but  I  must  consider  it  as  my  cross,  since  it  is 
not  in  my  own  power  to  shut  my  door  against  Sunday  idlers : 
were  I  left  to  my  choice,  I  would  gladly  keep  the  day  sacred. 
Oh,  for  a  retirednessof  spirit,  and  abstractedness  of  soul  through 
all!" 

Wednesday,  April  12. — "  Heard  Mr.  C.  at  Long  Acre  from 
Isaiah  xl.  30,  31.  '  Even  the  youths  shall  faint  and  be  weary, 
and  the  young  men  shall  utterly  fail :  but  they  that  wait  upon 
the  Lord  shall  renew  their  strength.  They  shall  mount  up 
with  wings  like  eagles  ;  they  shall  run  and  not  be  weary  ;  they 
shall  walk  and  not  faint.' 

"  The  ignorant  and  unlearned  in  the  things  of  God  were  in- 
structed to  wait  upon  tiie  Lord  for  the  teaching  of  his  Spirit. 
None  grew  so  wise  and  prosperous  as  those  who  attended  to 
the  Great  Teacher.  We  might  wait  upon  favorite  preachers, 
books,  friends,  &c.,  but  unless  we  looked  first  to  God,  and 
sought  secret  intercourse  and  communion  with  him,  we  should 
make  but  little  progress.  We  must  sit  at  the  feet  of  Jesus,  in 
a  listening  obedient  spirit;  searching  the  Scriptures  continu- 
ally. The  slothful  and  negligent  were  also  exhorted  to  wait 
diligently  upon  the  Lord,  in  all  the  means  of  grace;  looking 
to  the  true  source  of  good. 

*'  It  would  not  do  to  wait  sometimes.  '  The  slothful  soul  de- 
sireth  and  hath  nothing.'  It  is  not  sufficient  to  have  good  de- 
sires, we  must  endeavour,  we  must  labour,  for  that  meat  which 
doth  not  perish.  People  may  pretend  to  despise  the  diligent, 
and  call  them  legal,  but  we  are  commanded  to  labour,  to  watch 
as  well  as  pray  ;  to  fight  like  good  soldiers.  There  was  much 
instruction  also  to  the  hasty  spirit ;  to  wait  with  patience,  sub- 
mission, and  resignation  ;  we  were  not  to  make  hasty  conclu- 
sions against  ourselves,  nor,  like  Jehoram,  impiously  to  say, 
'  Why  should  I  wait  for  the  Lord  any  longer?'  Even  Jere- 
miah, Moses,  Elijah,  Jonah,  &c.,  erred  here.  The  v.eary  and 
heavy-laden  were  next  greatly  encouraged,  '  They  shall  run 
and  not  be  weary  ;  they  shall  walk  and  not  faint' — while  they 
continue  to  wait  on  the  Lord. 

"  Alas,  my  memory  fails ;  but  my  heart  glows  with  grati- 
tude for  this  opportunity.  I  can  truly  say,  that  in  waiting 
upon  the  Lord,  my  strength  has  been  renewed.  Not  for  a 
long  time  have  I  been  so  favoured  as  under  this  discourse. 
'  Bless  the  Lord,  0_  my  soul ;  and  all  that  is  within  me,  bless 
Ills  holy  name.'  " 

Friday. — "  Made  a  hasty  engagement  to  dine  out.  Upon 
recollection  I  saw  I  had  done  foolishly.     I  am  yet  too  young 


CHAP.  III. — FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.         G5 

in  religion  to  venture  into  the  contagious  atmosphere  of  the 
ungodly.  I  went  to  my  Saviour  in  simplicity  and  acknowledged 
my  fault,  and  prayed  for  his  preserving  mercy;  when,  thanks 
be  to  His  holy  name,  he  sent  me  his  preventing  mercy.  I  was 
detained  at  home  by  a  severe  sickness,  for  which  I  am  truly 
thankful.  Let  me  henceforward  remember  that,  'Only  to  see, 
(be  the  sight  ever  so  splendid,)  is  an  insufficient  warrant  to 
draw  me  into  places  of  spiritual  hazard.'  "  ^ 

Tuesday. — "Confined  still  by  illness.  But  through  mercy 
my  best  Comforter  has  been  present  with  me;  and  he  has 
enabled    me  hitherto  to  resign   myself  wholly  to  his  disposal. 

1  Whatever,  in  modern  days,  may  be  thought  of  such  a  degree  of  ten- 
derness of  conscience  as  is  here  expressed,  one  of  the  blessed  Reformers 
and  Martyrs  of  our  Church,  has  left  a  remarkable  notice  of  his  feelings 
under  a  similar  temptation,  which  in  the  event  occasioned  him  much 
trouble  and  compunction  of  conscience.  John  Bradford  in  one  of  his 
epistles  writes  as  follows: — To  Mr.  Travcs,  begging  his  prayers,  and  la- 
menting his  own  sinful  condition  : — "Yesternight,  a  little  before  supper, 
I  was  desired  liy  a  neigbour,  my  mother's  friend,  against  this  day  to  din- 
ner. Unto  whom,  for  that  a  refusal  would  have  been  imputed  disdain- 
ful stateliness,  I  unwillingly,  (God  to  witness,)  but  not  unadvisedly,'  yet 
foolishlif  granted  to  the  same,  which  I  advertise  you  as  my  excuse  for  not 
coming  this  day.         *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  ■ 

"In  your  communication  with  God,  I  pray  you  have  me  of  all  sinners 
a  most  negligent,  unthankful  and  wretched,  (Oh,  that  from  the  bottom 
of  my  heart  I  confessed  the  same  unfeignedly  !)  in  remembrance,  that  at 
length,  I  might  truly  convert  and  turn  from  these  flesh-pots  of  Egypt,  to 
feed  vv'ith  his  manna,  patiently,  and  assuredly  expecting  his  mercy,  joy- 
fully sighing  for,  and  bearing  the  badge  of  his  disciples  and  servants, 
the  cross.  ********** 

"This  paper,  pen  and  ink,  yea,  the  marble-stone  weepeth,  to  see  my 
slothful  security  and  unthankful  hardness  to  so  merciful  and  long  suffer- 
ing a  Lord.  I  confess  it,  I  confess  it,  though  not  tremblingly,  humbly, 
or  penitently,  yet  I  confess  it,  oh  !  hypocritically  I  confess  it! 

"  Therefore  pray,  pray  for  me,  that  I  may  repent  and  be  turned  to 
God,  not  despising  his  wrath,  and  the  death  of  his  Son  Jesus  Christ,  but 
that  I  may  live  in  the  Spirit,  and  walk  in  the  Spirit,  evermore  to  bewail 
my  carnal  security  and  this  philca>t/am,^  that  I  may  be  made  a  new  crea- 
ture through  grace,  made  meet  to  receive  the  new  wine  of  the  Gospel  into 
a  new  vessel,  purified  by  faith,  wrought  by  the  Spirit  of  consolation, 
which  may  vouchsafe  to  lead  us  in  all  truth  and  godly  living,  that  we 
may  know  God  the  Father  to  be  in  himself  the  only  true  God,  and  Jesus 
Christ  whom  he  hath  sent.  To  which  most  blessed  Trinity,  be  all  hon- 
our and  glory  forever.  Amen.  In  haste  this  Thursday  in  the  morning, 
Yours  as  his  own, 

"JoHif  Bradford." 
Fathers  of  the  English  Church,  Vol.  VI.  page  616. 

'  Unwittingly.  2  Self-pleasing. 

6* 


66  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

I  want  nothing  but  more  grace  and  devotedness  of  heart  and 
life  ;  more  union  wilh  my  Saviour,  and  a  nearer  intercourse 
with  him.  IC  pain  and  sickness  will  promote  these  desirable 
things — welcome  both.  Every  thing  is  welcome,  while  my 
blessed  Redeemer  condescends  to  be  with  me  by  his  presence. 
1  know  not  what  lies  before  me;  but  it  is  enough  for  me  that 
my  heavenly  Father  knows,  and  will  make  all  things  work  to- 
gether for  my  good." 

Thursday,  May  30 — "  The  last  month  has  been  a  peculiar 
one.  Not  only  has  my  body  been  greatly  debilitated,  but  my 
mind  has  been  variously  exercised.  Some  new  lessons  have 
been  given  :  may  this  and  every  trying  dispensation  be  sancti- 
fied,  and  the  design  therein  fully  answered.  Hitherto  1  have 
been  enabled  to  say  with  confidence,  '  I  know  in  whom  I  have 
believed,  and  that  he  will  keep  that  1  have  committed  to  him.' 
'  My  mountain  has  seemed  to  stand  so  strong,  I  said,  I  shall 
never  be  moved.'  But  of  late,  some  unusual  fears  have  darted 
across  my  mind,  such  as, — What  if  I  should  in  some  dark  day 
lose  my  anchor  hold  ? — from  which  I  gather  this  instruction, 
'  Live  not  upon  your  graces,  but  upon  Christ.'  Say,  If  the  fig 
tree  does  not  blossom,  yet  will  I  rejoice  in  the  Lord." 

June  12. — "  Unfavourable  clouds  of  deadness  and  stupidity 
have,  for  several  weeks,  interrupted  the  reviving  and  gladden- 
ing rays  of  the  Sun  of  Righteousness.  The  enemy  ha^  thence 
taken  occasion  to  assault  me.  But  thanks  be  to  my  adorable 
sustainer,  I  am  enabled  to  see,  that  though  the  sun  be  with- 
drawn, and  storms  arise,  I  am  built  upon  a  Rock;  and  I  am 
still  enabled  to  stand  waiting  and  knocking  at  mercy's  door. 
He  does  graciously  afford  me  some  glimpses  of  his  countenance, 
though  he  does  not  make  his  abode  with  me  as  heretolbre.  He 
is  just,  though  1  continue  much  longer  waiting.  I  am  con- 
scious of  much  unfaithfulness  towards  God  ;  my  mind  has 
been  too  much  engaged  with  inferior  objects  ;  they  have  been 
attended  to,  and  he  has  been  neglected  or  forgotten  : — no  won- 
der he  should  retire.  I  feel  my  folly,  and  wonder  at  myself 
that  I  should  have  slighted  such  a  guest.  I  acknowledge  mine 
iniquity  ;  shouldest  thou,  O  Lord,  be  extreme  to  mark  what  is 
done  amiss,  I  could  not  answer  thee  to  one  of  a  thousand.  1 
will  still  throw  myself  at  thy  feet,  and  cling  to  thy  cross,  and 
will  there  abide,  till  thou  comest  to  drive  out  thine  enemies, 
and  re-assume  thy  seat;  till  then,  1  will  be  as  the  importunate 
widow;  and  may  I  be  enabled  by  grace  to  say  with  Job, 
'  Though  he  slay  me,  yet  will  I  trust  in  him.' 

"  My  former  trials  were  chiefly  from  outward  circumstances; 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.         67 

deep  inward  conflicts  are  now  added:  the  Lord's  will  be  done!" 

July. — "  My  soul  has  long  been  in  a  dry  and  barren  state. 
I  am  ofien  ready  to  faint,  and  say.  'will  it  be  always  so?' 
Yet  again  a  hope  arises  that  the  vision  is  only  tor  an  appointed 
time,  and  that  1  must  wait  for  it.  But  in  waiting,  I  find  there 
are  these  dangers, — either  despondency — impatience — or  care- 
lessness. Sometimes  I  seem  to  forget  the  state  I  am  in,  and 
let  out  my  mind  to  every  trifling  or  busy  occupier.  Oh  when 
shall  I  combine  the  importunity  of  the  widow,  with  the  patient 
docility  of  ]\jary  !  When  shall  I  be  all  diligence  in  watching 
for  good,  and  yet  resignedly  say,  '  My  times  are  in  thy  hand.' " 

Sunday. — "  One  Sabbath  comes  after  another,  and  yet  I  re- 
main a  dry  tree;  in  which  there  is  no  sap,  no  greenness,  nei- 
ther fruit  nor  blossom.  It  was  not  always  so.  I  can  look 
back  to  the  time  when  I  could  not  only  taste  but  drink  of  the 
waters  of  life,  flowing  from  the  sanctuary,  and  my  heart  was 
made  glad;  and  when  I  could  rejoice  even  under  deep  sorrows. 
Now  1  go  and  look,  and  long  and  sigh  and  weep ;  but  it  is  sel- 
dom that  I  can  obtain  one  refreshing  drop ;  and  that  scarcely 
seems  to  penetrate  the  parched  ground.  What  can  I  say? — 
'  Righteousness  belongeth  unto  thee,  but  unto  me  confusion  of 
face.'  " 

The  loss  of  sensible  comforts,  and  of  profit  under  divine  or- 
dinances, which  here  forms  a  part  of  Mrs.  Hawkes's  painful 
experience,  has  been  felt  and  expressed  by  others  of  eminent 
piety  ;  of  which,  examples  occur  not  only  in  Church  History, 
but  also  in  the  Scripture  account  of  eminent  saints. 

Mr.  Newton  has  remarked,  "  A  humble,  dependent  frame  of 
spirit,  perseverance  in  the  appointed  means,  care  to  avoid  all 
occasions  of  sin,  a  sincere  endeavour  to  glorify  God,  and  an 
eye  to  Jesus  Christ  as  our  all  in  all,  are  sure  indications  that 
the  soul  is  thriving^  whether  sensible  consolations  abound  or 
not."  And  Mr.  Adam  also  says,  "Neither  high  nor  low 
frames  will  do  for  a  standard  of  faith:  self  may  be  strong  in 
both." 

Either  enjoying  God's  presence,  or  mourning  the  want  of  it, 
seems  to  constitute  the  temper  of  every  true  Christian.  They 
who,  like  Mrs.  Hawkes,  have  in  their  early  religious  experi- 
ence been  favoured  with  peculiar  manifestations  of  joy,  will 
perhaps  feel  more  sensibly  than  others,  those  intervals  of  dead- 
ness,  which  would  scarcely  be  realized  by  persons  less  spiritu- 
ally-minded. Her  soul  was  still  thirsting  after  God,  and  espe- 
cially to  see  his  power  and  glory  in  the  sanctuary.  There  she 
sought  and  found  support  and  instruction  in  the  absence  of  sen- 


68 


ME3IOIR3  OF  3IRS.  HAWKES. 


sible  comforts :  which  appears  by  her  record  of  the  following 
sermon,  and  by  the  prayer  which  accompanies  it. 

Wednesday,  Avg.  15. — "  Heard  Mr.  C.  at  Long  Acre,  on 
Psalm  xlii.  5.  '  Why  art  Ihou  cast  down  O  my  "soul?  and 
why  art  thou  disquieted  in  me  'i  Hope  thou  in  God  :  for  I  shall 
yet  praise  him  for  the  help  of  his  countenance.  Mr.  C.  re- 
marked : — 

'Every  Christain  should  say,  like  David,  whatever  be  the 
state  of  things  within  or  without,  I  will  remember  my  Rock  ; 
and  though  my  soul  is  disquieted  within  me,  1  will  fight  against 
discouragement,  hoping  in  God. 

'  Whatever  is  the  cause  of  depression,  whether  outward  trou- 
ble, or  inward  fears,  or  if  our  joy  in  the  Lord  is  withheld,  we 
must  not  set  it  down  as  a  proof  that  we  have  not  grace :  but 
rather  look  at  the  most  eminent  Christians  enduring  the  same 
conflicts. 

'Let  the  Christian  keep  upon  his  ground,  and  behold  Him 
that  is  invisible;  and  though  only  a  poor  bruised  reed,  he 
stands  like  a  rock.  But  let  him  come  oft'  (hat,  and  begin  dis- 
puting God's  word,  and  his  providence,  and  then  imaginations 
of  all  kinds  rush  in,  and  his  heart  is  disquieted. 

'A  believer  is  not  like  a  u-orldling;  he  cannot  find  satisfac- 
tion in  trifles  ;  take  away  the  comforts  and  confidences  of  reli- 
gion, and  he  is  poor  indeed. 

'Faith  and  hope  give  wings  to  the  soul.  V\e  often  call  for 
the  wings  of  a  dove  to  fly  away,  because  we  want  to  be  out  of 
our  place,  to  be  somewhere  else  in  order  to  be  more  happy. 
But  this  arises  from  impatience.  True  faith  and  hope  will 
make  us  happy  any  where,  and  enable  us,  like  Paul  and  Silas, 
to  sing  in  a  prison. 

'Every  Christian  should  remember,  whatever  may  be  the 
cause  of  his  trouble,  "there  has  no  temptation  taken  him  but 
such  as  is  common  toman."  This  is  a  dreary  wilderness; 
we  have  not  yet  attained  to  our  rest,  but  it  remaineth  for  us. 

'If  the  mourning  believer  should  say.  But  I  have  sinned 
against  God,  and  therefore  am  under  rebuke,  and  how  can  1 
help  being  cast  down?  Yet  let  him  remember  that  dispair  is 
no  cure ;  and  to  please  Satan  by  doubting,  is  not  the  way  to 
be  relieved.  He  should  recollect  that  every  season  has  its  par- 
ticular duty ;  and,  like  David,  he  should  reason  with  his  soul, 
"  Why  art  thou  cast  down?" 

'  As  the  Christian  learns  the  use  of  his  anchor,  there  is  no 
wave  or  billow  by  which  he  can  be  tossed,  but  this  will  keep 
him  steady :  nay,  he  should  go  further,  and  say  with  David, 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.        69 

— bad  as  things  are  at  present, — "  Hope  thou  in  God  ;  for  I 
shall  yet  praise  him,  for  the  help  of  his  countenance.'" 

"Blessed  be  God  for  atlbrding  me  opportunities  of  liearing 
his  word.  Aniidst  all  my  fears  within,  and  trials  without,  this 
comforts,  refreshes,  and  supports  my  soul,  namely,  that  I  still 
can  pray  for  the  heart-searching  eye  of  God,  and  solemnly  ap- 
peal to  him  who  knows  me,  better  than  I  do  myself,  and  say, 
'Thou  that  knovvest  all  things  knowest  that  I  love  thee!'  that 
1  desire  nothing  in  comparison  of  thee;  that  I  would  give  up 
every  thing  rather  than  my  hope  in  thee;  and  that  it  is  my 
continual  cry,  Lord,  why  do  I  love  thee  so  little?  Make  me 
love  thee  supremely.  May  the  seed  which  has  been  sown  this 
day,  bo  watered  by  the  showers  of  divine  grace;  and  may  I 
be  enabled  to  praise  God  for  the  light  of  his  countenance." 

Thursday. — "How  variable  are  the  frames  and  feelings! 
How  like  the  shining  and  the  shadow  passing  over  the  green 
plain  !  But,  blessed  be  God,  our  salvation  consisteth  not  in 
frames  and  feelings,  but  in  being  engrafted  on  the  living  vine, 
and  abiding  in  Christ:  consisteth  not  even  in  our  sensible  hold 
of  him,  but  in  our  simple  belief  of  his  gracious  declaration,  that 
he  will  never  leave,  nor  forsake,  nor  suffer  us  to  be  plucked 
out  of  his  hands." 

Sunday. — "  Ijeard  Mr.  C.  to-day  from  2  Sam.  v.  10.  '  And 
David  went  on,  and  grew  great,  and  the  Lord  God  of  hosts 
was  with  him!' 

"  O  that  in  all  situations  and  circumstances,  prosperous  or 
adverse,  /  n)ay  have  this  blessed  assurance,  that  the  Lord  is 
with  ?ne. 

"Thank  God  for  a  new  degree  of  spiritual  life?  My  Lord 
has  graciously  called  me  to  rise  above  the  uncomfortable  state  I 
have  tor  some  time  been  in  ;  and  proclaims  himself  to  my  soul, 
as  the  Lord  who  forgiveth  all  iniquities;  as  the  good  physician 
who  healeth  all  my  diseases  and  pours  oil  into  every  wound." 

September  5,  1793. — "This  day  I  received  from  my  revered 
minister  a  large  new  Bible,  handsomely  bound  :  in  the  begin- 
ning of  which  the  following  lines  were  written  : 

'The  Lord  hear  thee  my  daughter,  in  the  day  of  trouble: 
the  name  of  the  God  of  Jacob  defend  thee.  Send  thee  help 
from  the  Sanctuary,  and  strengthen  thee  out  of  Zion,  both  now, 
and  when  he  who  presents  this  book  shall  assist  thee  no  more.'^ 

1  Below  these  lines  there  is  a  memorandum  in  pencil,  written  by  Mrs. 
Hawkes  some  years  after,  as  follows. — 

1804.  JVoiv  is  the  (lay  of  trouble,  and  the  God  of  Jacob  does  defend, 
strengthen,  and  comfort  his  poor  servant. 


70  me:\ioirs  of  mrs.  hawkes. 

"  O  Lord,  be  pleased  to  hearken  to  the  petitions  of  thy  ser- 
vant;  and  lift  thou  up  the  light  of  thy  countenance  upon  him  ; 
let  his  soul  be  like  a  well  watered  garden  ;  Let  'the  good  will 
of  him  that  dwelt  in  the  bush,'  rest  upon  him  and  all  that  he 
hath.  Bless  the  wife  of  his  bosom,  and  the  children  whom 
thou  hast  given  him.  Let  none  of  them  be  wanting  when  thou 
comest  to  make  up  thy  jewels.  Bless  him  in  his  basket  and 
his  store.  Bless  him  in  coming  in,  and  going  out.  O  accom- 
pany the  glad  tidings  thou  sendest  by  him  with  power,  and 
with  the  Holy  Ghost.  Make  his  '  doctrine  to  drop  as  the  rain  ; 
his  speech  to  distil  as  the  6e\v  upon  the  tender  herb,  and  the 
showers  upon  the  grass.'  And  now  O  Lord,  be  pleased  to  at- 
tend unto  my  prayer,  that  goeth  not  out  of  feigned  lips. 

<'  With  reference  to  the  late  depression  of  my  mind,  Mr.  C. 
remarked  : 

'  There  is  experience  as  well  as  doctrine  to  be  taught  in  the 
school  of  Christ.  We  are  to  be  brought  out  of  nature,  and 
taught  to  walk  with  God  :  and  this  is  effected  not  only  by  the 
gracious  influences  of  the  Holy  Spirit,  but  also  by  wholesome 
corrections.  To  have  a  blessed  evidence  is  not  inconsistent 
with  cloudy  days;  with  temptations.  "We  do  groan  being 
burdened,"  says  the  apostle,  and  yet  these  are  the  men  that  are 
renewed  day  by  day, — that  rejoice  in  tribulation. 

'  Vv' hat  is  any  thing  without  experience  ?  Ask  the  philoso- 
pher— the  artist,  &c.,  if  their  experience  cost  them  nothing:  if 
no  hazard,  no  expense  was  endured?  And  it  would  be  strange 
if  the  Christian's  experience  also  must  not  be  made  up  by  a 
thousand  secret  particulars.  Let  us  beg  of  God  to  superin- 
tend the  process. 

'  We  should  mark  well  the  peculiar  duties  of  trying  seasons. 
No  time  is  more  trying  than  when  the  believer  feels  any  thing 
like  a  declining  or  a  revolting  state  of  mind. 

'  There  is  a  point  in  every  man's  life,  when,  if  God  is  speak- 
ing to  the  conscience,  it  will  be  said  to  him  as  it  was  to  Peter, 
"  Will  ye  also  go  away  1  "  For  every  believer,  at  some  time 
or  other  feels,  that  religion  is  not  the  undertaking  of  a  day  ; 
but  that  he  must  hold  on,  and  hold  out.  He  is  a  soldier,  and 
he  must  fight.  When  temptation,  persecution,  or  affliction, 
come  heavily  upon  him,  then  is  the  time  when  this  question  is 
especially  ])ut  to  him. 

'  God  has,  in  his  provision  and  proposal  of  salvation  to  man, 
taken  into  consideration  his  stilf-neckedness,  his  iron  sinew, 
his  backsliding  and  wandering  heart. 

'  God's  consolations  must  also  be  sought  in  God's  way  ;  and 


CHAP.  Ill FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.        71 

in  his  way  they  shall  be  obtained.  Upon  our  first  setting  out 
in  religion,  we  are  apt  to  expect  we  shall  receive  our  comforts 
in  our  own  way  :  forgetting  that  God  is  the  appointer  of  times, 
and  that  our  business  is  to  wait  for  him.  What  a  life  of  ex- 
pectation and  waiting  was  Abraham's !  How  did  he  hope 
against  hope !     Through  what  deep  waters  did  he  pass  ! 

<  The  exercise  of  holy  joy  may  be  lost  by  sin  :  or,  otherwise, 
David  would  not  have  cried,  "  Restore  unto  me  the  joy  of  thy 
salvation."  If  we  trifle  with  sin  of  any  kind,  the  joy  of  salva- 
tion will  be  suspended  ;  for  the  spring  of  it  is  the  shining  of 
God's  Holy  Spirit  in  the  heart.  And  this  7nnst  be  interrupted, 
if  we  wander  after  other  joys. 

'  The  joy  of  salvation  is  the  joy  of  calm  reflection.  It  will 
bear  the  examination  of  a  dying  bed  ;  it  is  the  joy  of  hope  and 
expectation  ;  it  is  the  joy  of  acceptance  and  communion  with 
God  ;  it  is  everlasting. 

'  The  atmosphere  of  the  world  has  a  tendency  to  damp  this 
joy.  Whenever  we  are  necessarily  led  into  the  company  of 
the  ungodly,  we  should  feel  when  the  evil  influence  begins  to 
work  upon  our  minds,  and  avoid  it  as  a  child  would  a  mur- 
derer;  and  then  we  should  hear  the  question,  "  Wiil  ye  also 
go  away  ?  "  and  should  cry  with  earnestness  to  Christ, 
♦'Strengthen  thou  me;"  pour  thy  grace  into  my  soul,  and 
water  the  root,  that  I  may  be  preserved  from  withering; 
«'  Thou  hast  the  words  of  eternal  life.'  " 

Sunday. — "  Heard  Mr.  Scott  at  Lonir  Acre,  from  John  i. 
29.  '  Behold  the  Lamb  of  God,  which  taketh  away  the  sin  of 
the  world.' 

"  A  most  blessed  discourse.  Oh  that  this,  and  every  other, 
may  take  deep  root  in  my  heart,  and  under  the  glorious  Divine 
influence  of  tlie  Sun  of  Righteousness,  bring  forth  fruit  to  his 
praise  !  If  it  were  not  for  my  trust  in  the  great  atoning  sacri- 
fice, my  defectiveness,  only  this  day,  under  the  means  of  grace, 
would  sink  me  into  despair  ;  and  would  also,  did  not  his  pre- 
cious blood  cleanse  from  all  sin,  sink  me  into  hell.  All  glory 
be  to  God  for  the  gift  of  his  dear  Son  I  " 

Nov.  30,  1793 — "  Many  have  been  the  trials  of  this  last 
month.  Besides  being  confined  to  my  bed  by  illness,  grieved 
to  the  heart  on  account  of  a  dear  relative.  Oh  that  God  would 
condescend  in  his  infinite  mercy  to  bid  him  live  !  O  let  me 
never  so  forsake  thee,  the  blessed  fountain  of  living  waters, 
and  turn  to  broken  cisterns  that  can  hold  no  water  !  It  is  only 
thy  grace  which  can  prevent  this.  Let  it  never  be  withdrawn, 
I  pray  thee.     Sufl^er  me    not  to  quench   or  grieve  thy  good 


72  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  IIAWKES. 

Spirit.     O  take  away  my  life,  rather  than  it  should  be  spent 
in  any  other  service  than  thine!" 

The  foregoing  extract  affords  a  glimpse  of  the  severe  inward 
trials  experienced  by  godly  and  enlightened  persons  on  account 
of  those  relatives  who  afford  no  satisfactory  evidence  of  true 
conversion.  Mrs.  Hawkes  again  alludes  to  this  painful  sub- 
ject in  the  latter  part  of  the  following  letter  to  Mrs.  Jones. 
After  giving  an  account  of  her  late  illness,  she  goes  on  to 
say;— 

«'  I  have  been  much  struck,  since  my  illness,  with  the  degree 
of  formality  and  insensibility  which  a  Christian  may  have  fallen 
into,  though  living  under  the  meridian  splendour  of  religious 
advantages;  perhaps  I  should  have  said,  the  insensibility  / 
have  fallen  into,  rather  than  suppose  it  common  to  Christians. 
1  abhor  myself  when  1  think  of  my  privileges,  so  much  above 
those  of  any  other  person  I  know.  Yet  how  slow  my  pro- 
gress I  So  drawn  off  by  outward  things  :  a  heart  so  cold,  and 
vain,  and  proud,  and  selfish.  Who  has  been  so  highly  favoured 
as  n  Feasted  not  only  on  the  Sabbath,  but  every  day,  more 
or  less,  with  '  a  feast  of  fat  things  ! '  1  might  have  grown  like 
the  'calves  of  the  stall.'  InsteJTd  of  a  reed,  I  might  have  been 
like  a  tall  cedar.  One  would  have  supposed  that  my  general 
trials  would  have  been  enough  to  have  kept  me  awake.  But 
I  fear  I  need  a  sharper  stroke  yet,  to  give  me  a  thorough  rous- 
ing. Death  must  be  felt  approaching,  before  1,  in  earnest,  set 
about  preparing  for  it.  I  am  amazed  at  myself!  The  near  views 
of  eternity  which  have  been  granted  to  me  in  this  illness,  are 
so  instructive,  so  animating,  and,  1  trust,  so  transforming,  that 
I  say  with  all  my  heart, — welcome  pain  and  sickness;  1  would 
not  part  with  you  to  sink  again  into  insensibility.  I  see,  every 
day,  more  and  more  of  the  worth  and  efficacy  of  that  Divine 
breath,  spoken  of  in  Ezekiel ;  and  of  the  utter  inefficacy  of 
every  thing  else,  though  ever  so  excellent  and  beautiful.  I 
long' to  live  with  my  soul  laid  open  to  receive  those  precious 
influences.  That  is  an  encouraging  promise,  '  1  will  be  as 
the  dew  unto  Israel.'  My  soul  no  longer  prospers  than  as  it 
is  continually  receiving  these  precious  dews.  With  deep  hu- 
miliation and  thankfulness  I  would  acknowledge,  that  God  has 
graciously  granted  me  some  reviving  of  late;  yet  even  this 
grace  shows  me  how  poor  I  am.  The  sun,  when  it  shines, 
discovers  the  places  that  remain  dark.  Oh  when  shall  this 
dark  heart  be  filled  with  light!  pervading,  purifying,  and  vivi- 
fying every  secret  corner. 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.        73 

"  The  enemy  has  lately  tried  hard  to  shake  my  confidence  ; 
in  which  he  has  been  aided  by  many  peculiar  circumstances. 
But  I  have  since  had  a  blessed  opportunity  of  proving,  that 
they  who  build  on  the  true  and  living  stone,  though  they  may 
be  alarmed,  shall  not  be  removed.  \  am  thankful  that  when 
I  am  put  in  the  tire  of  inward  or  outward  trial,  my  request  is, 
not  to  come  out,  but  to  be  purified.  Alas,  I  have  much, 
very  much  dross  to  be  burnt  up;  and  of  course  must  ex- 
pect, again  and  again,  to  be  put  into  the  furnace.  But  by 
grace,  and  that  alone,  my  cry  is,  '  not  my  will,  but  thine  be 
done  ; '  or  rather,  let  my  will  be  conformed  to  thine. 

"  It  is  indeed  a  serious  thing  to  be  'tried  as  silver;'  but  not 
alarming,  when  we  recollect  that  the  Holy  Refiner  sits  by, 
watching  the  process.  If  1  know  any  thingof  myself,  I  would 
not  forego  my  little  experience  of  these  things,  to  have  escaped, 
or  still  to  escape  all  my  sorrows.  Alas!  to  see  persons  under 
affliction,  where  no  such  process  seems  to  take  place  ' 
*  *  *  *  *  *^*  ^ 

"A  few  hours  ago  {  went  to  the  footstool  of  Divine  mercy, 
to  thank  God  for  the  gift  of  repentance:  worlds  cannot  pur- 
chase it ;  but  Christ  is  exalted  to  give  it ;  and  this  makes  Christ 
precious." 

In  reply  to  her  sister,  Mrs.  Jones  writes  :— 

«'  I  am  thankful  to  find  that  through  all  difficulties,  you  are 
still  going  forward.  Let  us  praise  God  for  every  step  we  are 
enabled  to  take  in  the  way  to  the  kingdom.  All  discouragement 
savours  of  unbelief.  If  the  serpent  wound  us,  the  antidote 
must  be  applied  the  next  moment;  and  this  is  what  we  must 
strive  for,  namely,  a  constant  sense  of  the  cleansing  and  puri- 
fymg  blood  of  Christ,  preventing  new  guilt  from  flLstenino-  on 
the  conscience.  The  Lord  knows  we  are  weak,  and  he  carries 
the  lambs  in  his  bosom,  and  gently  leads  on  those  that  are  not 
able  to  run.  As  we  incroase  in  strength  we  shall  mend  our 
pace.  _  Let  us  run,  looking  unto  Jesus  ;  every  look  strencrthens 
the  view.  The  powers  of  the  soul  gain  vigor  bvexe^rcise; 
and  It  IS  by  looking  that  we  are  changed  into  the  same  imao-e. 
Lnbehef  suggests  this  is  not  the  time  to  look  ;  let  it  be  in  hear- 
mg,  or  in  reading,  or  in  speaking.  But  faith  savs,  *  Now^  is  the 
accepted  lime.'     Our  whole  life  should  be  one  continued  now. 

"  In  one  of  your  former  letters  you  ask  me  respectino-  pray- 
ing and  wishing  for  death.  I  think  it  is  not  right  to  pmy  for 
death  :  the  will  of  God  is  better  than  death  ;  it  is  belter  than 
!iie,  including  every  enjoyment  with  which  it  stands  connected. 


74  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

The  power  of  the  Almighty  as  a  sustainer,  could  not  be  made 
manifest,  if  there  were  no  subjecls  to  endure  evil.  St.  Paul 
says,  '  most  gladly,  therefore,  will  I  rather  glory  in  my  infirmi- 
ties that  the  power  of  Christ  may  rest  upon  me.'  He  did  not 
wish  to  die  upon  this  occasion.  The  Divine  economy  requires 
that  there  be  some  afflicted,  some  poor,  some  sick,  some  in  pri- 
son, that  the  will  of  God  may  be  done  on  earth  as  it  is  in  hea- 
ven. But  believers  have  an  immense  legacy  settled  upon 
them  ;  and,  amongst  other  names,  yours  and  mine  are  as  fully 
included  in  the  covenant  will  and  testament,  as  those  of  any 
individuals." 

From  the  time  Mrs.  Hawkes  first  became  a  converted  char- 
acter, she  accustomed  herself  to  close  every  year  with  much 
self-examination,  penitence  and  solemnity  of  mind  ;  as  also, 
to  open  every  new  year  with  fresh  self-dedication  and  prayer. 
This  was  her  continued  practice  through  her  whole  Christian 
course.     The  following  memorandums  are  of  this  nature  : — 

Dec.  31,  1793. — "  It  is  the  will  of  my  heavenly  Father  that 
I  should  close  this  year  in  my  sick  chamber.  He  has  called 
me  more  immediately  to  listen  to  him  ;  and  as  a  tender  Father 
has  he  chastened  me.  Oh  that  I  were  more  fully  sanctified  ! 
that  my  heart  were  as  wax  sofiened  to  receive  his  image  and 
likeness.  If  it  is  his  will  that  I  should  recover,  and  again  em- 
bark on  the  rough  sea  of  life,  may  1  be  enabled  to  enter  upon 
it  with  my  poor  "tattered  sails  filled  with  fresh  gales  from  the 
coasts  ofZion.  Oh  that  I  may  have  no  will  but  his,  either 
for  life  or  death  ! 

"  Takino-  into  consideration  the  innumerable  benefits  and 
privileges  with  which  God  has  graciously  loaded  me  through 
the  past  year,  how  great  has  been  my  ingratitude ! 

"  Those  awful  words  make  me  tremble, — 'Thou  art  weigh- 
ed in  the  balances,  and  art  found  wanting.' 

"  O  Lord  I  would  own  the  charge,  and  should  be  utterly 
filled  with  despair,  unless  thou  didst  enable  me  to  fix  my  eye 
upon  the  golden  sceptre  held  out  to  me  in  the  gospel.  Con- 
science  clamours,  and  points  at  innumerable  transgressions. 
Many  and  just  are  my  accusers ;  but  I  will  refer  them  all  to 
my  adorable  Advocate,  while  I  desire  to  behold,  by  faith,  the 
Lamb  of  God  who  taketh  away  the  sin  of  the  world!" 

Jan.  1,  1794. — '"As  the  eyes  of  servants  look  unto  the 
hand  of  their  masters,  and  as  the  eyes  of  a  maiden  unto  the 
hand  of  her  mistress,  so  mine  eyes  are  up  unto  thee,"  O  Lord  ! 
that  thou  wouldest,  in  mercy,  teach,  guide,  protect  and  strengthen 
me.     Enable  me,  this  new  year,  to  dedicate  myself  afresh  to 


CHAP.  III. FRO-M   A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.         75 

thee.  Let  me  not  be  conformed  to  this  world,  but  transformed 
by  the  renewing  of  my  mind.  Succour  me  when  temptations 
assail  me ;  give  me  wisdom  when  difficulties  and  perplexities 
beset  my  path;  make  thy  grace  sufficient  for  me  under  any 
agitation  of  mind,  or  rufflings  of  temper.  Make  me  to  keep  my 
mouth  as  with  a  bridle.  Grant  that  I  may  be  led  by  thy  Holy 
Spirit,  and  walk  in  the  Spirit,  through  the  whole  of  this  year  !" 

Sunday,  Jan.  4.—"  Heard  Mr,  C.  from  Ps.  xc.  12'.  'So 
teach  us  to  number  our  days  that  we  may  apply  our  hearts  un- 
to wisdom.' 

'  By  wisdom  is  meant  true  religion.  I  am  a  dying  creature 
— let  me  be  preparing  for  a  dying  hour.  Let  others  be  distin- 
guished for  their  learning,  for  their  knowledge,  for  their  great 
worldly  wisdom  :  yet,  however  they  may  be  admired,  how- 
ever splendid  they  may  be,  it  is  all  but  splendid  folly,  if  there  is 
a  provision  for  the  sinner's  soul.  I  am  to  dwell  in  eternity. 
Is  so  short  a  life  as  this  to  be  spent  in  providing  for  time?  No! 
• — Eternity  succeeds  it.  There  is  infinite  importance  hangs 
ypon  this  present  moment :  eternity  hangs  upon  it.  And  shall  I 
trifle  with  iti  or  spend  it  in  nonsense  and  vanity  ?  No  i  "Teach 
me  to  number  my  days."  Not  like  those  who  calculate  every 
thing  except  salvation.  Shall  I  spend  my  moments  in  providing 
only  tor  a  perishing  body]  No  !  1  have  cast  up  my  account, (as  if 
the  Psalmist  had  said,)  and  now  let  others  do  as  they  please.  / 
know  what  J  have  to  do :  I  have  toapply  my  heart  unto  v/isdom. 

'As  this  is  a  peculiar  season,  let  each  of  us  look  back  on 
the  year  that  is  past.  J3oes  it  not  seem  like  a  tale  that  is  told? 
What  lessons  of  humiliation  does  it  teach  us  for  our  folly? 
Lessons  of  correction  also,  for  mistakes  which  we  in  our  care- 
lessness and  inconsideration  have  committed.  Does  it  not  tell 
us  that  this  is  a  world  of  disappointment?  that  nothing  earthly 
is  to  be  trusted?  None  but  God  is  to  be  confided  in,  for  none 
but  himself  is  unchangeable.  Does  it  not  furnish  us  with  many 
important  admonitions?  Have  we  not  lost  some  friend  that 
tells  us  how  short  life  is,  and  bids  us  be  ready  ?  It  teaches  us 
also  many  lessons  of  gratitude,  for  merciful  preservations,  for 
many  great  blessings.  Well  therefore  may  we  be  told  to  pre- 
sent ourselves  "as  living  sacrifices."  We  are  bid  to  num- 
ber our  days,  that  is,  to  \ook  forward.  Let  us  set  out  with  faith 
and  prayer.  David  prays  to  be  taught,  "  So  teach  me  to  num- 
ber my  days."  Let  us  pray  that  the  Holy  Spirit  may  teach 
ns — guide  us — direct  us.  We  have  the  same  God  to  teach  us 
as  David  had.  Let  us  then,  unlike  the  foolish  of  the  world,  be 
looking,  and  going  forward.'' 


76  ME3I0IRS  OF  31RS.  HAWKES. 

"  Grant,  O  Thou,  into  whose  cracious  hands  I  am  enabled 
to  commit  my  soul,  that  I  may  not  rest  with  notions  of  Christ 
in  my  head,  but  that  he  may  take  up  his  dwelling  in  my  heart 
by  faith.  Let  me  not  only  be  pleased  to  hear  of  him,  but  inti- 
mately and  solidly  know  liim  for  myself,  and  not  for  another. 
Let  the  form  of  godliness,  without  the  power,  be  my  continual 
dread.  Let  me  take  heed  that  I  do  not  rest  in  any  duties  per- 
formed ;  but  rather  see  them  as  splendid  sins  if  they  do  not 
bring  Christ  to  my  soul.  Let  me  value  no  teaching  unless  it 
be  accompanied  by  the  teaching  of  the  Holy  Spirit,  which  alone 
can  make  it  effectual.  In  great  mercy  forbid  that  I  sliould 
loose  God  in  his  gifts.  Though  gifts  are  precious,  they  are 
useless  and  dead  if  Christ  be  not  in  them.  I  can  truly  say,  I 
have  not  any  trust,  nor  any  comfort,  save  in  the  merits  and 
blood  of  Jesus  Christ :  nor  dare  1  look  at  my  most  holy  things, 
but  as  they  are  sprinkled  and  washed  in  the  blessed  fountain 
open  for  sin  and  uncleanness. 

"'If  thou,  Lord,  shouldst  mark  iniquities,  O  Lord,  who 
should  stand]  But  there  is  forgiveness  with  thee,  that  thou 
mayest  be  feared.'  Oh  that  my  many  infirmities  of  late  may 
rouse  me  to  greater  diligence  !  I  would  walk  with  such  a  de- 
vout and  holy  circumspection  as  though  there  were  no  blessed 
fountain  open  for  sin  and  uncleanness;  and  I  would,  at  the 
same  time,  depend  so  entirely  upon  the  blessed  atonement,  as 
to  have  no  confidence  in  thefiesh.^^ 

Feb.  12 "  This  morning  I  was  favoured  by  a  call  from  my 

honoured  minister,  who,  in  the  kindest  manner,  gave  me  the 
most  wholesome  advice,  which  sunk  deeply  into  my  heart. 
Tliero  are  indeed  many  peculiar  circumstances  belonging  to 
the  subject  upon  which  he  spoke,  to  which  he  is  an  entire  stran- 
ger: but  all  he  said  was  highly  just  and  proper;  and  will,  I 
trust,  teach  me  more  than  ever  to  turn  mine  eyes  icithin,  where 
there  is  work  enough  to  do.  The  approbation  of  man,  in 
many  instances,  cannot  be  obtained.  But,  oh,  that  I  may 
have  the  testimony  of  a  good  conscience  before  God!  A  se- 
cret consciousness  that  I  have  done  as  much  as  human  imper- 
fection can  do.  Alas !  this  is  not  the  case  at  present.  Lord 
help  me !" 

From  close  observation  on  mankind,  and  extensive  know- 
ledge of  the  world,  no  person  was  more  alive  than  Mr.  Cecil, 
to  the  deep  and  intricate  perplexities  often  connected  with  fami- 
ly affairs;  and  it  must  be  acknowledged,  that  the  trials  which 
Mrs.  Hawkes  experienced  were  unusually  severe.  To  her 
especially,   the  expressive  sentence  might  apply,  "  the  heart 


CHAP.  III. — FR03r  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.  77 

knowelh  its  own  bitterness:"  and  in  Mr.  Cecil's  manner  of 
treating  Mrs.  Hawkes's  case,  is  discovered  the  wise  and  cau- 
tious spiritual  physician,  who  a[)plies  his  remedy,  not  to  the 
sickly  apprehensions  of  the  patient,  but  according  to  the  real, 
present,  spiritual  malady  of  the  afflicted.  But  the  reader  will 
gain,  from  the  following  letter,  written  by  Mrs.  Hawkes,  some 
years  after,  to  a  Christian  friend  in  a  school  of  like  affliction, 
further  light  upon  that  severe  and  perplexing  dispensation, 
which  caused  her  to  feel  the  insufficiency  of  even  the  wisest 
and  kindest  counsellors. 

To  Uys. . 


"  My  dear  Friend. — I  thank  you  very  affectionately  for 
your  sympathy  in,  and  kind  participation  of  my  sorrows  and 
afflictions.  I  have  reason  to  be  unfeignedly  thankful  that  my 
bitter  cup  is  mixed  with  many  mercies ;  and  among  the  rest, 
is  that  of  love  and  Christian  friendship,  with  which  few  have 
been  so  largely  favoured.  With  respect  to  my  various  trials, 
I  wish  by  no  means  to  aggravate  them  by  minute  detail.  Ma- 
ny, and  many,  far  beyond  me  in  Christian  progress,  have  far 
heavier  afflictions,  with  certainly  less  mitigation  and  fewer 
comforts.  My  visitations  are  lighter  than  I  deserve.  Yet  you 
must  allow  me  to  correct  some  parts  of  your  statement,  with 
respect  to  my  present  painful  dispensation.  You  observe,  that 
while  my  bodily  sufTerings  are  heavy,  1  am  excused  from  many- 
pangs  that  frequently  fill  your  heart  with  anguish,  from  a  quar- 
ter with  which  your  weal  or  woe  is  inseperably  connected. 
Perhaps  you  will  wonder  when  I  assure  you,  that  from  the 
very  same  source  has  arisen  my  severest  grief;  and  all  my 
bodily  pain,  weakness,  and  constant  oppression — all  my  change 
of  circumstances  and  loss  of  outward  comforts — is  compara- 
tively nothing  to  the  load  on  my  heart,  occasioned  by  my  ac- 
cumulated affliction,  in  that  near  connexion  of  which  you  speak. 
*  *  *  * 

If  ever  I  had  a  wish  dearer  to  me  than  another,  it  was  that  I 
might  not  only  share  the  happiness  of  that  relation,  but  also 
exert  all  my  best  faculties  to  (ill  up  its  high  duties.  If  I  am 
not  mistaken,  I  could  have  borne  great  hardships,  many  de- 
privations, and  other  evils,  with  an  affection  which  would  have 
made  them  light  and  easy.  1  desire  however  to  cast  no  blame 
save  on  myself.  I  am  only  now  corrected  for  the  wayward 
sins  of  my  younger  years  ;  I  was  headstrong,  self-willed^  and 
precipitate. 

"  1  will  not  venture  to  sav  that  I  have  done  the  best  I  could 
7* 


78  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

in  this  connexion,  f  look  back  and  reflect  with  sorrow,  (as  I 
suppose  most  others  do  in  taking  a  retrospect  of  the  past,) 
upon  many  errors,  on  occasions  in  which,  with  my  present  ad- 
vanced experience,  I  miglit  have  acted  more  wisely.  1  am 
thankful  that,  keen  as  is  my  disappointment  and  grief,  I  feel 
no  sort  of  disposition  to  accuse,  or  to  harbour  displeasure; 
much  less  for  any  unforgiving  temper.  I  am  enabled  to  look 
above  second  causes  ;  and  to  see  my  painful  humiliating  dispen- 
sation, to  be  a  dispensation  full  of  wisdom  and  mercy.  I  have 
ever  been  disposed  to  wind  every  thing  I  love  about  my  heart 
with  a  thousand  strings ;  and  I  verily  think,  had  the  same  endear- 
ing attachments  been  granted  me  that  are  to  some,  I  should  have 
been  buried  in  my  inordinate  aflJection  to  them.  Therefore, 
my  dear  friend,  I  can  truly  say,  through  infinite  mercy,  and 
the  help  of  all-sufficient  grace,  that  although  my  heart  must 
ever  bleed  with  its  own  secret  sorrows,  and  in  a  way  that  none 
can  know  but  myself,  yet  so  unspeakably  great  are  the  bles- 
sings conveyed  to  my  soul  through  my  various  afflictions,  that 
I  am  not  only  fully  satisfied,  but  humbly  and  heartily  thank 
my  heavenly  Father  for  all  his  dealings  with  me,  and  all  his 
merciful  chastisements :  by  means  of  which,  through  the 
sanctifying  influences  of  the  Holy  Spirit,  my  heart  is  weaned 
from  earth  ;  is  made  to  seek  and  find  all  its  health,  happiness, 
and  security  in  God;  to  endure  'as  seeing  him  who  is  invisi- 
ble ;'  and  to  look  and  long  for  that  glorious  city,  where  there 
shall  be  no  more  sorrow  nor  sin. 

"  Pardon  me  for  such  a  long  preamble  about  my  unworthy 
insignificant  self,  which  I  have  entered  into,  partly  to  prove 
that  I  can  sympathize  in  your  particular  trials  more  than  you 
are  aware  ;  but  more  especially,  to  bear  testimony  to  the  foith- 
ful  covenant-keeping  Jehovah,  who  condescends  to  pour  forth 
his  promised  blessings  into  my  soul,  so  as  to  make  me  count 
these  days  of  suffering,  my  best  days.  I  am,  indeed,  almost 
a  prisoner,  but  I  am  the  Lord's  prisoner,  filled  with  hope,  and 
kept  in  peace.  My  sufferings  abound  ;  but  praised  be  his  name, 
my  consolations  also  abound;  and  my  joy  is  in  Him,  who  is 
'  the  chiefest  among  ten  thousand,  and  altogether  lovely.'" 

After  a  digression  which  seemed  needful  to  throw  light  on 
the  subject  of  Mrs.  Hav.'kes's  afflictions,  we  return  to  Holloway, 
where  we  find  her  suff'ering  one  of  the  inconveniences  incident 
to  persons  in  her  circumstances, — the  necessity  of  associating 
with  worldly  company. 

Saturday. — "  So  much  engaged  this  day,  owing  to  the  un- 
expected arrival  of  certain  friends,  as  to  be  scarcely  able  to 


CHAP.  Ill FR03I  A.  D.   1700  TO  1796.  79 

read,  much  less  to  write.  Greatly  tried  with  my  servants : 
surely  the  enemy  stirreth  up  their  minds  to  mischief!  O  that 
I  may  he  enabled  to  say  with  the  Psalmist,  '  I  will  behave  my. 
self  wisely  in  a  perfect  way  ;  I  will  set  no  wicked  thing  before 
mine  eyes  ;  I  hate  the  work  of  them  that  turn  aside.'  "° 

The  following  letter  from  Mrs.  Jones  leads  to  the  discove- 
ry that  these  visitors  at  Holloway,  were  persons  very  uncon- 
genial  to  Mrs.  Hawkes's  religious  habits  and  feelings.  She 
writes, — 

"  1  can  anticipate  your  feelings,  my  dear  sister,  on  the  ar- 
rival of  your  present  visitors.     But  you  have  no  choice  in  it  : 
their  coming  is  quite  unsolicited,  and  it  must  be  considered  as 
occurring  in  the  order  of  providence.     If  you  were  assured 
that  you  would  be   able  to  say  and  do   all  that  your  heart 
wishes,  you  would  exult  in  the  opportunity.     But  there  is  not 
a  single  day  that  you  can  do  this  even  in  the  most  spiritual 
company  ;    and   a  little  done  in  such  a  case  is  better  than 
nothing.     There  is  also  a  spirit  and  sympathy  that  is  felt  by 
others,  even  when  no  words  are  spoken.     It  is  a  great  thin^ 
to  have  persons  brought  under  the  ministration  of  the  word  • 
and  God,  who  worketh  all  in  all,  appointeth   wavs  and  means 
according  as  it  pleaseth  him.     Your  times  of  private  reading 
and  meditation  will  be  interrupted  :  but  your  union  with  Christ 
is  still  the  same,  though  the  sweet  intercourse  is  broken  in 
upon ;  and  this  makes  the  sacrifice  you  offer  the  more  valua- 
ble.    This  matter  appears  to  be  the  will  of  God  ;  and  whether 
It  is  intended  for  their  profit,  or  your  trial,  will  be  seen  in  a 
future  day.     It  is  no  small  exercise  for  your  faith  now.    May 
Christ  himself  make  good  his  own  word,  and  keep  you  from 
painful  carefulness.     You  know  from  your  former  experience 
how  he  has  kept  you,  by  his  mighty  power,  from  the  things 
you  have  most  feared.     If  the  increase  of  the  knowledge  and 
love  of  God  IS  to  come  through  faith,  there  must  needs  be  dif- 
ficulties  to  form  our  trials;  and  there  must  needs  be  comincr 
short  of  our  desires  from  the  weakness  of  our  nature-  this 
throws  us  upon  mercy,  and  sinks  us  to  the  dust  in  humiliation'! 
Ihe  first  time  I  came  to  see  you,  after  you  were  married,  and 
spent  a  great  deal  of  time  in  going  about  with  you  from  place 
to  place,  it  often  came  into  my  mind,  '  What  doest  thou  here''" 
But  God  inclined  your  heart,  at  that  time,  to  go  with  me  to 
hear  the  Gospel  of  the  kingdom,  and  set  before  vou  an  open 


80  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.  HAWKES. 

door.  I  pray  that  God  may  meet  your  present  visitors  where 
he  met  you;  and  then  you  will  gladly  make  sacrifice  of  your 
comforts.  O  for  that  faiih  that  would  meet  the  will  of  God  in 
every  thing  !  The  commands  which  have  the  harshest  sound, 
such  as  '  deny  thyself,' — '  take  up  thy  cross,'  are  pleasant  in 
experience,  because  of  the  help  afforded ;  and  because  the 
Christian  fixes  his  eye  upon  the  recompense  of  reward. 

"  Retirement  has  its  advantages,  and  society  has  its  advan- 
tages also.  Mutual  love  and  forbearance,  are  called  forth  as 
essential  exercises,  which  strengthen  and  invigorate  the  racer. 
The  frivolity  of  the  society  in  general  is  an  argument  for  se- 
clusion :  but  this  practice  is  not  according  to  the  '  more  excel- 
lent way.'  1  am,  however,  sorry  when  Christians  deem  com- 
pany essential  to  their  happiness.  Many  people  here  invite  me 
to  spend  a  day  with  them.  That  phrase  always  strikes  me 
with  alarm — Spend  a  day  !  My  sand  is  nearly  run ;  1  have 
not  many  more  days  to  live;  and  shall  I  spend  a  day  in  idle- 
ness 1 — No,  my  days  are  every  one  engaged ;  I  have  not  one 
left  to  throw  away.  We  have  so  much  to  thank  God  for,  so 
much  to  love  him  for,  and  so  much  to  ask  him  for,  that,  to- 
gether with  those  duties  immediately  connected  with  our  call- 
ing,  and  the  kindness  to  be  administered  to  Christ's  suffering 
members,  the  business  of  our  lives  is  already  arranged,  and 
the  time  is  too  short  for  the  work  we  have  to  do. 

"  The  children  of  this  world  reprove  our  negligence  in  spiri- 
tual pursuits.  Nothing  can  divert  them  from  earnestness  and 
assiduity.  But  alas,  we  are  loiterers  ;  turned  aside  by  a  thou- 
sand frivolities.     May  we  have  grace  to  press  forward." 

Besides  the  benefit  and  consolation  which  Mrs.  Hawkes  de- 
rived from  her  attendance  at  St.  John's  Chapel,  on  Sundays, 
and  at  Long  Acre,  on  Wednesday  evenings,  she  took  delight 
in  attending  a  service  held  at  six  o'clock,  on  the  Sunday  morn- 
ings, at  Lothbury,  where  Mr.  Cecil  was  the  alternate  preacher. 
In  her  next  memorandum  she  expresses  her  regret,  on  account 
of  a  temporary  deprivation  of  this  opportunity. 

Sunday. — "  I  am  sorry  Lothbury  is  shut  up.  It  was  plea- 
sant and  refreshing  when  I  could  go  there  and  wait  upon  God 
early  in  the  morning.  But  blessed  be  his  name,  he  is  to  be 
found  in  the  secret  chamber,  as  I  have  experienced  this  day. 
Heard  J\Ir.  C.  from  1  Cor.  ii.  9.  '  Eye  hath  not  seen  nor  ear 
heard,  neither  have  entered  into  the  heart  of  man,  the  things 
which  God  has  prepared  for  them  that  love  him.' 

"  A  most  animating  discourse,  describing  the  rich  provision 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.  D.  1790  to  1796.  81 

which  God  has  condescended  to  make,  both  here  and  hereaf- 
ter, for  them  that  love  him  ;  with  the  great  and  expensive  pre- 
paration. To  have  a  just  idea  of  the  preparation,  we  must 
take  a  view  of  the  cost.  How  dearly  purchased  !  even  at  the 
amazing  expense  of  the  precious  blood  of  Christ,  which  is  of 
more  worth  than  a  thousand  worlds,  or  millions  of  gold  and 
silver.  But  1  must  not  mangle  and  deform  this  Sermon  by  at- 
tempting to  describe  it.  Lord  write  it  upon  the  tablet  of  my 
heart !  and  let  it  encourage,  and  strengthen,  and  quicken  me, 
so  that  I  may  go  on  my  way  rejoicing"" 

Wednesday — "  Much  engaged  with  friends  ;  unwell  in 
body ;  and  fatigued  in  mind.  When  shall  I  be  so  happy  as  to 
get  spiritual  good  out  of  every  rising  occurrence.  Oh  for 
retirement  and  quiet,  which  has  now  so  long  been  inter- 
rupted ! 

"  Heard  Mr.  C.  at  Long  Acre,  from  1  Kings  xix.  19,  20. 
'  So  he  departed  thence,  and  found  Elisha  the  son  of  Shaphat, 
who  was  ploughing  with  twelve  yoke  of  oxen  before  him,  and 
he  with  the  twelfth,  and  Elijah  passed  by  him,  and  cast  his 
mantle  upon  him,'  (which  was  customary  in  those  days  as  a 
sign  of  love,  protection,  or  favour.)  This  discourse  tended  to 
prove  that  one  duty  is  not  to  be  set  up  on  the  ruins  of  another. 
We  are  to  be  diligent  in  our  calling,  yet  fervent  in  spirit,  serv- 
ing the  Lord.  My  soul  was  delighted  and  enriched!  Lord 
engraft  it  inwardly  in  my  heart ! 

Thursday. — "  Still  greatly  tried  with  my  servants — tempted 
to  impatience  and  peevishness.  Oh  when  shall  I  be  filled  with 
the  fruits  of  the  Spirit,  love,  joy,  peace,  long-suffering,  gentle- 
ness, goodness,  faith,  meekness !  Shame  belongs  to  me  this 
day.  Lord,  in  mercy  sprinkle  clean  water  upon  me,  and  1 
shall  be  cleansed  ! 

"  The  more  we  are  surrounded  and  encumbered  with  cares 
and  ditiiculties,  the  offener  shoLvld  we  endeavour  to  break  away, 
and  retire  into  the  spirit  of  meditation  and  prayer." 

Friday — "  Still  engaged  with  friends  and  visitors.  Very 
unwell  in  body;  my  mind  stupid  and  uncomfortable ;  much 
oppressed  by  domestic  cares  and  sorrows. 

"  Oh  that  I  could  more  attend  to  the  apostle's  admonition, 
'Add  to  your  knowledge,  temperance;  and  to  temperance,  pa- 
tience;  and  to  patience,  godliness;  and  to  godliness,  brotherly 
kindness;  and  to  brotherly  kindness,  charity,  or  love.' 

"  'Christian  temperance,'  says  Mr.  Wesley,  'extends  to  all 
things,  inward  as  well  as  outward ;  to  the  due  government  of 


82  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

every  thought  and  afiection.     Sour  godhness,  so  called,  is  of 
the  devil.     Of  true  Christian  godliness  it  may  be  said, 

'MilJ,  sweet,  serene,  and  tender  in  her  mood, 
Nor  grave  from  sternness,  nor  from  lightness  free  : 
Against  example  resolutely  good, 
Fervent  in  zeal,  and  warm  in  charity.'  " 

Saturday. — "  Much  engaged  in  domestic  matters  ;  but  little 
time  for  retirement ;  some  ^q.\y  comfortable  seasons.  Felt  a 
want  of  patience  with  A.  C.  because  of  her  instability  ;  but 
was  soon  enabled  to  recollect  what  a  predominant  feature  that 
formerly  was  in  my  own  character.  1  have  only  to  think  of 
my  own  innumerable  failings,  and  then  I  cannot  be  uncharitable 
to  those  of  others. 

"  jMr.  C.  remarked  lately, 

'  The  danger  of  too  much  solitude,  is,  lest  the  mind,  deeply 
and  religiously  impressed,  should  mistake  the  workings  of  the 
imagination  for  the  teaching  of  the  Spirit.  See  the  mistakes 
concerning  abstraction  in  some  of  the  mystics.' 

"  'Lord,  let  me  be  changed  into  thine  image  and  likeness,' 
is  a  comprehensive  prayer  ;  and  a  prayer,  my  lips,  (and,  I 
trust,  my  heart)  often  utter.  But  what  does  it  mean?  Am  I 
to  obtain  the  image  of  Christ  by  falling  into  a,  perhaps  favoured, 
silent  contemplation,  as  if  1  had  nothing  to  do  but  wait  in  pas- 
sive, (well  if  not  indolent,)  expectation  of  an  effect  to  be  pro- 
duced by  some  sudden,  and  resistless  visitation  from  heaven  ; 
some  mystical  influence,  working  with  all  the  omnipotence  of 
a  charm,  on  my  passive  heart?  have  I  nothing  to  do  but  wait 
silently,  and  without  co-operation?  [s  not  this  the  way  of  the 
mystics?  A  way,  which  may,  perhaps,  be  good  as  far  as  it 
goes;  but  stopping  short  with  a  part,  instead  of  combining  a 
whole.  What  then  is  to  be  added  ?  To  have  the  image  of 
Christ,  is  practically  to  say,  in  our  measure,  as  he  said, '  I  came 
not  to  do  mine  own  will,  but  the  will  of  him  that  sent  me.'  It 
is,  when  an  occasion  of  self-denial,  and  taking  up  our  cross  is 
presented, — to  take  up  our  cross,  and  to  be  self  denying.  It 
is,  in  the  very  midst  of  contradiction  and  reviling,  to  be  meek 
and  low'ly,  and  forgiving,  as  he  was.  Jt  is,  to  disregard  all 
earthly  splendour,  either  of  riches,  or  talent,  and  to  be  '  poor  in 
spirit.'  It  is,  to  have  the  graces  of  the  Spirit  in  exercise. 
Alas  I  I  am  ashamed  ;  '  If  thou.  Lord,  shouldest  mark  iniqui- 
ties, O  Lord,  who  shall  stand  ? '  Surely  I  need  the  furnace  to 
be  seven  times  heated,  before  my  corrupt  heart  is  sanctified, 
and  cast  into  the  mould  of  the  Gospel." 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.        83 

Wednesday — "  Heard  Mr.  C.  at  Long  Acre,  from  2  Kings 
ii.  9,  10,  'And  it  came  to  pass  when  they  were  gone  over, 
that  Elijah  said  unto  Elisha,  Ask  what  1  shall  do  for  thee,  be- 
fore  1  be  taken  away  from  ihee.  And  Elisha  said,  I  pray  thee, 
let  a  double  portion  of  thy  spirit  be  upon  me.  And  he  said, 
Thou  hast  asked  a  hard  thing  ;  nevertheless,  if  thou  see  me 
when  I  am  taken  away  from  thee,  it  shall  be  so  unto  thee; 
but  if  not,  it  shall  not  be  so.' 

*'  Mr.  C.  remarked, — 

*  The  Christian  should  be  meeting  God  daily  in  retirement, 
and  attending  daily  to  the  duties  of  religion.  You  see  here, 
that  though  Elijah  knew  he  was  to  be  taken  up  to  heaven  that 
day,  he  did  not  set  it  apart  for  any  particular  acts  of  devotion. 
Some  would  have  said,  that  when  such  a  great  change  as  from 
earth  to  heaven  was  to  take  place,  the  whole  day,  at  least, 
should  have  been  set  apart  for  prayer;  that  when  God  did 
come,  he  should  have  found  the  prophet  on  his  knees.  But 
the  best  way  of  being  prepared  to  meet  God,  is  by  a  continual 
practice  of  religion,  and  an  uninterrupted  adherence  to  his 
commands;  and  then  we  shall  be  alwat/s  Yea.dy.  You  are 
not  to  shut  yourselves  up  in  a  monastery,  to  become  hermits, 
to  be  always  going  upon  the  mount ;  but  your  heart  and  life, 
in  every  situation,  in  every  occupation,  is  to  be  devoted  to  God. 

*''Ask  what  1  shall  1  do  for  thee,"  &c.,  and  Elisha  said, 
"  let  a  double  portion  of  thy  spirit  be  upon  me."  Here  is  a 
noble  request.  He  did  not  ask  for  fame,  riches,  or  honour. 
"And  Elijah  said,  thou  hast  asked  a  hard  thing."  By  this 
expression  must  be  understood  a  ^^reat  thing :  as  if  he  had 
said,  thou  hast  not  made  a  trifling  request,  but  hast  asked  nobly, 
largely;  and  it  is  what  I  cannot  promise,  because  I  cannot 
give  it  thee ;  it  must  come  from  God.  I  did  not  give  it  to  my- 
self; therefore  I  can  only  pray  that  thou  mayest  have  it.  But 
this  shall  be  a  sign, — if  thou  see  me  when  1  am  taken  away, 
it  shall  be  so.  As  if  he  had  said,  if  God  giv:^  thee  the  strength 
to  look  upon  this  bright  vision,  if  it  please  him  to  open  thine 
eyes  to  «ee  me  go  away  ; — it  will  please  him  also  to  give  thee 
thy  petition  :  but  if  thou  see  me  not,  it  shall  not  be  so.  If^  it 
is  not  the  will  of  God  that  thou  shouldest  have  it,  he  will  not 
enable  thee  to  see  me. 

^  '  Hence  we  may  learn,  that  every  thing  cometh  from  God. 
Even  this  great  prophet,  who  was  so  peculiarly  honoured  of 
God,  could  not  make  Elisha  any  promise  as  from  himself. 
No  more  can  the  ministers  of  the  Gospel,  bestow  any  thing  on 


84  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

the  hearers,  of  themselves.  We  can  warn ;  we  can  declare  to 
you  the  glorious  mysteries  of  the  Gospel ;  we  can  point  out 
the  way ;  we  can  pray  for  you  ;  but  we  can  do  no  more;  the 
rest  must  come  from  God.  It  is  he  who  must  work  in  you  to 
will  and  to  do  of  his  own  good  pleasure.  O  then  be  like  Elisha  ; 
seek  the  blessing.  It  is  remarkable  that  Elijah  three  times  de- 
sired Elisha  to  stay  behind  ;  but  he  had  niade  up  his  mind  ; 
he  was  resolved  to  be  profited  by  his  glorious  example  to 
the  last.  He  resolutely  refused  to  leave  him  ; — "As  the  Lord 
liveth,  and  as  thy  soul  liveth,  1  will  not  leave  thee."  Let  me 
recommend  the  same  spirit  to  you,  my  brethren.  Be  resolute 
in  keeping  close  to  God, — close  to  his  people.  When  tempta- 
tions and  difficulties  come  upon  you,  still,  like  Elisha,  be  not 
persuaded  to  stay  behind.  The  world  will  entice  you; — your 
ungodly  friends  may  laugh  at  you  ; — your  own  evil  heart  will 
dispose  you  to  slay  from  God,  and  from  his  house ;  but  still 
say,  like  Elisha,  I  will  not  leave  thee.  I  will  seek  God's  Holy 
Spirit.  And  remember,  that  for  your  encouragement,  you 
have  a  sure  promise,  '  He  will  give  his  Holy  Spirit  to  them 
that  ask  it.'  " 

March  10. — "All  the  last  week  I  have  been  confined  to  my 
room  by  severe  illness.  But  I  desire  not  to  be  caretul  about 
my  bodily  sufferings  ;  it  matters  not,  so  that  my  Saviour  is 
with  me;  His  presence  is  better  than  ease,  better  than  life  it- 
self. 

*  Welcome  weariness  and  pain, 

Pledges  of  relief  and  ease  ! 

Loss  of  strength  to  me  is  gain, 

Let  my  wretched  days  decrease  ! 

All  my  days  shall  soon  be  past, 

Pain  and  grief  shall  bring  the  last !'" 

Aj)ril  16.  Mem.—'-''  Forgetfulness  will  always  be  a  cause  of 
chastisement.  So  I  have  found  it  this  day  in  a  painful  lesson. 
I  would  however  pray  more  earnestly  to  be  strengthened  and 
confirmed  in  my  hold  in  Christ,  that  he  would  in  mercy  keep 
my  faith  from  being  shaken.  I  have  sustained  much  loss 
through  unwatchfulness.  'In  the  multitude  of  words  there 
wanteth  not  sin ;  but  he  that  refraineth  his  lips  is  wise.'  I 
would  desire  to  look  back  upon  what  is  past  and  enquire,  'have 
I  not  sometimes  trusted  too  much  to  my  own  faith,  and  clear- 
ness of  evidence,  rather  than  to  Christ,  who  is  the  same,  yester- 
day, to-day  and  for  ever  V  Let  me  examine  my  own  heart  more 
humbly  upon  this  point;  and  watch  more  unto  prayer.  1  am 
yet  in  an  enemy's  land,  and   know  not  what  changes  I  shall 


CHAP.  III. — FROM  A.  D.  1790,  TO  1796.        85 

meet  with  before  my  warfare  is  over.  Let  not  him  that  girdeth 
on  his  harness  boast  himself  as  he  that  putteih  it  off." 

About  this  period  Mrs.  Hawkes  left  Holloway  for  a  short 
time,  in  order  to  make  her  annual  visit  to  her  relatives  at  Broad 
Marston,  and  its  vicinity.  It  appears  that  her  health  had  pre- 
viously been  very  delicate,  and  her  spirits  particularly  weak; 
— which  may  account  for  her  feeling  much  exhausted  by  a 
journey  of  above  a  hundred  miles. 

Monday,  April  28,  1794.  Broad  Marston. — "After  much 
fatigue,  and  many  fears,  1  arrived  here  this  evening.  *  Set  a 
watch,  O  Lord,  before  my  mouth  ;  keep  the  door  of  my  lips.' 
Let  me  remember  that  wisdom  shows  itself  in  speaking  just 
enough,  and  not  too  much,  and  in  proper  time.  May  simpli- 
city and  sincerity  guide  my  speech!" 

Sunday,  May  4. — "  'There  is  a  river  the  streams  whereof 
shall  make  glad  the  city  of  God.' 

"  '  A  man  shall  be  as  a  hiding  place  from  the  wind,  and  a 

covert  from  the  tempest ;  as  rivers  of  water  in  a  dry  place.' 

#  ***** 

"  '  Unto  thee,  O  Lord,  do  I  lift  up  mine  eyes  ;  Thy  faithful- 
ness is  unto  all  generations.'" 

Wednesday,  7. — "  Very  ill,  and  in  much  pain  :  a  body  of 
sin  and  death,  with  an  oppressed  mind,  makes  me  groan,  being 
burdened.  God  be  merciful  to  me  a  sinner!  'Thou  desirest 
not  sacrifice^  else  would  I  give  it  thee  :'  '  thou  delightest  not  in 
burnt-offerings.  The  sacrifices  of  God  are  a  broken  spirit;  a 
broken  and  contrite  heart,  O  God,  thou  will  not  despise.'" 

Sunday,  11. — "  '  My  soul  longtheth,  yea,  even  fainleth  for 
the  courts  of  the  Lord.'  " 

vP  vp  ^  ^  ^  ^ 

"  '  Should  not  the  Shepherds  feed  the  flocks?'  'Am  1  a  God 
at  hand,  saith  the  Lord  and  not  a  God  afar  off?' " 

The  connexion  and  application  of  these  texts  is  written  in 
obscure  short  hand.  But  the  feelings  of  the  writer,  at  this 
time  deprived  of  her  usual  spiritual  privileges,  are  clearly 
evinced,  and  will  be  further  illustrated  by  the  concluding  sen- 
tence. 

"  I  do  indeed  mourn  for  the  want  of  my  usual  privileges. 
But  may  not  this  be  partly  a  device  of  the  enemy  to  prevent 
me  from  getting  all  the  good  I  can  in  my  present  circumstan- 
ces ?  '  Watch  and  pray  lest  ye  enter  into  temptation,'  is  a  text 
I  need  constantly  to  keep  in  mind." 
8 


86  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.   IIAWKES. 

Mrs.  Hawkes  intending,  before  her  return  to  Holloway,  to 
visit  Birmingham,  writes  to  Mrs.  Jones  af  follows  : 

"  1  hope  soon  to  gratify  my  longing  desire  to  enjoy  a  little 
of  the  society  of  one  of  the  kindest  and  best  sisters  that  ever 
fell  to  the  favoured  lot  of  any  body  in  this  world  :  given  me 
through  the  great  goodness  of  that  gracious  God  and  Father., 
who  whenever  he  afflicts,  exhibits  his  tender  mercy  by  the  mit- 
igation of  every  stroke.  I  must  ever  acknowledge  with  grati- 
tude and  deep  humiliation,  that  he  not  only  has  never  dealt 
with  me  as  my  iniquities  deserve;  but  that  he  has  in  various 
instances,  shewed  me  great  loving  kindness;  and  satisfied  my 
mouth  with  good  things, — in  spiritual  things,  good  beyond  all 
calculation  ! 

"I  have  felt  much  earnestness  to-day  in  prayer  respecting 
our  meeting;  that  we  may  both  of  us  Ibllow  the  openings  of 
providence,  and  that  our  way  may  be  made  clear.  I  was  much 
struck,  some  time  since,  with  an  observation  of  Mr.  C.'s. — He 
remarked,  '  If  we  had  faith  we  should  be  less  preplexed  in 
many  cases  than  we  are;  for  our  path  might  be  made  much 
more  plain.  I  trust  if  good  is  designed  by  our  seeing  each 
other,  it  will  be  brought  about.  I  cannot  feel  willing  that  this 
Summer  should  pass  without  the  desire  of  my  heart  being  ac- 
complished. In  the  present,  as  well  as  in  a  thousand  other 
instances,  I  fear  I  cannot  come  up  to  the  example  you  set 
me,  of  giving  up  my  own  will  respecting  it.  But  1  can  in  this, 
as  in  other  cases,  beg  that  my  heavenly  Father  will  not  suffer 
me  to  have  the  thing  I  long  ibr,  if  it  is  not  His  will.  I  often 
rejoice  that  I  am  in  the  hands  of  One,  that  will  not  indulge  me 
to  my  hurt ;  and  I  trust  that,  through  grace,  I  can  acknow- 
ledge Him  good  in  what  he  denies,  as  well  as  in  what  he  gives. 
My  heart  has  of  late  been  much  taken  up  in  contemplating 
the  love  of  God  in  Christ;  and  greatly  does  it  triumph  and  re- 
joice therein.  My  views  have  been  enlarged  on  the  subject, 
by  two  or  three  sermons  on  the  Canticles,  in  which  Mr.  C.  so 
delightfully,  and  so  spiritually,  opened  the  character  of  God, 
as  a  God  of  love.  He  says,  believers  are  too  narrow  in  their 
thoughts,  and  are  apt  to  ibrget  this  Divine  attribute  ;  and  thus 
God  is  greatly  dishonoured.  Seeing  him  in  Christ,  we  should 
see  nothing  but  a  God  of  love,  who  is  pleased  in  the  prosperity 
of  his  servants.  Ah  !  the  soul-reviving  sight  makes  me  long 
for  stronger  faith  to  comprehend  more  of  that  love  of  which  I 
yet  have  but  a  glimmering  view.  My  desire  is  to  be  entirely 
engaged  in  the  pursuit  after  the  knowledge  of  God  and  myself. 


CHAF.  ill. FRO:>I  A.  D.   1790  TO  1796.  87 

It  seems  to  me  (hat  both  should  go  together  ;  that  holy  joy 
should  be  tempered  by  deep  humiliation;  and  that  deep  humil- 
iation should  find  support  in  holy  joy.  When  the  heart  has 
this  joy,  it  prays  with  comfort :  it  reads  the  Bible  as  a  rich  heir 
reads  over  the  will  of  his  father,  which  puts  him  in  the  posses- 
sion of  his  wealth.    As  he  reads  it  over,  he  realizes  the  thought, 

*  this  is  mine,  and  that  is  mine.'  So  the  believer,  as  he  goes 
over  the  Scriptures,  says,  '  all  is  mine.'  Pray  for  me,  that  I 
may  be  able  to  say  this  more  and  more." 

Shortly  after,  Mrs.  Havvkes  went  to  Birmingham,  and  dur- 
ing her  slay  there,  she  made  a  visit  to  Mrs.  Fletcher,  widow 
of  the  Rev.  J.  Fletcher,  of  Madeley. 

The  following  memorandum  gives  some  particulars  of  this 
meeting. 

Thursday,  May  15,  1794. — "  Mrs.  Jones  and  myself  set 
out  for  Madeley.  We  had  a  pleasant  drive,  but  lost  much 
time  on  the  road,  for  which  we  suffered.  We  reached  the 
house  of  that  honourable  Christian,  Mrs.  Fletcher,  about  five 
o'clock.  My  spirit  was  awed  and  humbled,  not  only  by  the 
noble  character  of  Mrs.  F.,  but  by  the  recollection  of  the  sacred 
roof  under  which  I  was.  I  would  gladly  have  taken  my  seat 
at  the  threshold  of  the  door,  for  I  felt  vmworthy  to  advance  any 
further.  But  I  was  soon  made  to  forget  my  wretched  self, 
my  attention  being  turned  to  better  subjects.  While  in  con- 
verse with  Mrs.  Fletcher,  I  felt  that  sacred  influence  which  I 
desire  ever  to  feel.  Glory  be  to  our  adorable  Saviour,  he  con- 
descended to  be  present  with  us;  and  my  soul  found  it  a  re- 
freshing season.  Here  indeed  the  Sun  of  Righteousness  has 
arisen, and  seems  to  shine  continually.  Here  the  Lord  giveth 
rain  in  its  season,  and  the  souls  of  the  inhabitants  are  like  a 
well-watered  garden,  and  like  a  spring  of  water,  whose  waters 
fail  not.  Here  is  a  Christian  indeed.  Alas!  what  am  I? 
what  have  I  been  doing?  Surely  no  more  than  slumbering, 
creeping,  dragging  on  in  my  heavenly  journey.  Lord,  in 
mercy  speak  unto  me,  that  I  may  go  forward ;  and  let  me  run 
the  race  set  before  me. 

"  The  first  remark  Mrs.  Fletcher  made,  was  on  the  short- 
ness of  her  breath,  occasioned  by  a  complaint  from  which  she 
had  long  suffered.     With  an  animated  countenance  she  said, 

*  She  often  thought  death  could  not  be  far  distant.  Some  time 
since  '  she  added,  '  I  had  a  dangerous  illness,  which  my  friends 
expected  would  carry  me  off,  and  I  began  to  rejoice  in  the  be- 
lief that  it  was  my  Lord's  will  I  should  speedily  join  my  dear 
friends  in  heaven.     But  my  disorder  taking  an   unexpected 


88 


MEMOIRS    or    MRS.    HAWKES. 


turn,  I  perceived  my  time  of  release  was  not  to  be  yet,  but 
that  God  would  have  me  live  a  little  longer;  and  blessed  be 
his  name,  I  found  I  had  no  choice;  I  could  equally  embrace 
his  will  either  for  life  or  death.  1  felt  the  will  of  my  God  like 
unto  a  soft  pillow,  upon  which  I  could  lie  down,  and  find  rest 
and  safety  in  all  circumstances.  Oh,  it  is  a  blessed  thing  to 
sink  into  the  will  of  God  in  all  things!  Absolute  resignation 
to  the  Divine  will,  baffles  a  thousand  temptations;  and  confi- 
dence in  our  Saviour,  carries  us  sweetly  through  a  thousand 
trials.  I  find  it  good  to  be  in  the  balance,  awfully  weighed 
every  day,  for  life  or  death.' 

"  She  then  gave  us  a  wonderful  and  pleasing  account  of  the 
Rev.  Melville  Home,  and  read  a  letter  with  a  history  of  his 
voyage  to  the  New  Settlement — the  storms  and  dangers  he 
and  his  wife  encountered,  and  how  astonishingly  they  were 
preserved  from  any  thing  like  repining,  or  questioning  the 
goodness  and  mercy  of  God,  or  his  own  call  of  duty  in  the 
course  lie  was  taking,  notwithstanding  the  opposition  he  expe- 
rienced. They  had  both  given  themselves  up  for  lost,  expect- 
ing the  next  returning  billow  to  have  sunk  the  ship;  and  they 
were  waiting  and  looking  for  death,  not  only  with  composure, 
but  in  a  spirit  of  rejoicing  :  a  strong  evidence  of  great  faith, 
especially  when  all  the  circumstances  were  considered.  '  Who 
is  among  you  that  feareth  the  Lord,  that  obeyeth  the  voice  of 
his  servant,  that  walketh  in  darkness,  and  hath  no  light?  Let 
him  trust  in  the  name  of  ihe  Lord,  and  stay  upon  his  God.' 
Mrs.  F.  remarked,  'Then  is  failh  the  strongest,  when  it  can 
lay  hold  on  God  at  the  time  every  thing  seems  to  go  against 
us  ;  when  the  way  is  hedged  up  with  thorns,  or,  as  Habakkuk 
expresses  it,  '  Although  the  fig-tree  shall  not  blossom.'  Lord 
increase  my  faith  ! 

"  Speaking  of  the  diseases  of  my  own  heart,  she  replied, 
'  Come  to  Jesus  ! '  adding,  '  I  feel  sometimes  as  though  all  I 
had  to  say  to  every  body  was,  Come  to  Jesus !  don't  be  kept 
back  ;  if  you  feel  you  have  done  amiss,  and  have  received 
wounds,  where  can  vou  wo  but  to  Jesus  1  He  has  every  thing 
to  give  that  you  can  want.  In  every  circumstance,  in  every 
situation,  come  freely  to  your  Saviour ! '  But  my  treacherous 
memory  will  not  retain  the  encouraging,  inviting,  persuasive 
expressions  she  here  made  use  of.  O  Thou,  who  alone  teach- 
est  to  profit,  write  them  upon  my  heart,  and  bring  them  to  my 
remembrance  when  they  will  be  most  useful. 

"After  our  dear  Mrs.  Fletcher  had  prayed  with  us,  we 
parted.     Three  such  hours  I  have  not  spent  for  a  long  season. 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.         89 

I  esteem  this  interview  as  one  of  my  choicest  favours.  Oh  that 
I  may  be  the  better  for  it ! 

"Among  other  things  she  related  a  dream  which  had  been 
made  useful  to  one  who  had  grown  negligent  and  slothful  in 
the  ways  of  God. ^ 

"  Went  to  the  Dale  to  sleep.  A  most  beautiful  and  enchant- 
ing place,  abounding  with  the  wonders  of  nature:  but  no  sight 
in  this  world  can  be  half  so  animating  and  astonishing,  or  so 
beautiful,  as  that  of  a  true  Christian — a  new  creature — an 
image  of  him  in  whom  all  the  nations  of  the  earth  are  blessed; 
a  proof  of  what  Divine  grace  can  do." 

Holloway,  May  17,  1794. — "  Returned  to  town,  accom- 
panied by  my  dear  sister  Jones.  '  Bless  the  Lord,  O  my  soul, 
and  forget  not  all  his  benefits :  who  forgiveth  all  thine  iniqui- 
ties, who  healeth  all  thy  diseases  ;  who  redeemeth  thy  life  from 
destruction;  who  crowneth  thee  with  loving-kindness  and  ten- 
der mercies.'  " 

Sunday,  18. — "Went  with  Mrs.  Jones  to  hear  Mr.  Scott, 
who  preached  from  Acts  xx.  24.  Under  his  discourse,  my 
mind  was  strengthened,  enlivened,  calmed,  and  comforted." 

Saturday,  24. — "  Mrs.  Jones  left  me.  The  loss  of  her  so- 
ciety makes  me  feel  an  aching  void  which  no  one  can  fill. 
Her  kindness  and  sympathy  were  so  cheering,  and  her  Chris- 
tian converse  so  animating.  Lord  enable  me  to  look  to  thee  ! 
Let  me  ever  rejoice  in  the  security  of  thy  friendship.  Enable 
me  to  walk  with  thee;  and  O,  do  thou  graciously  walk  with 
me;  not  only  when  thou  makest  thy  sun  to  shine  on  my  path, 
but  when  the  storms  beat  hard." 

Sunday,  May  25.—"  Heard  Mr.  C.  from  2  Cor.  i.  9.  '  But 
we  had  the  sentence  of  death  in  ourselves,  that  we  should  not 
trust  in  ourselves,  but  in  God  who  raiseth  the  dead.' 

'  To  have  this  truth  brought  home  to  the  heart,  to  feel  there 
is  no  help  in  man — "  Cursed  is  the  man  that  trusteth  in  man" 
— and  that  health,  strength,  and  wealth  are  in  themselves  but 

1  The  reader  needs  scarcely  to  be  reminded,  that  the  word  of  God  is 
the  only  rule  by  which  to  judge  of  our  present  state,  or  future  prospects. 
A  doctrine,  however  suggested,  whether  it  be  by  the  counsel  of  a  friend, 
or  a  dream  of  the  night,  is  only  so  far  to  be  regarded  as  it  agrees  with 
the  '  laiv  and  the  testimony.^  The  virgins  in  the  parable  slumbered  and 
slept,  but  having  oil  in  their  vessels,  they  rose  and  trimmed  them,  though 
it  was  midnight.  Such  is  the  earnest  and  lively  preparation  for  eternity, 
to  which  a  bed  of  sickness,  or  any  other  rousing  consideration,  is  some- 
times, under  the  influence  of  Divine  grace,  rendered  subservient. 
8* 


90  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

vanity  ;  to  feel  every  moment,  that  there  is  in  every  thing  a 
sentence  of  death,  is  a  lesson  not  learnt  in  a  day. 

«  There  needs  many  a  stroke  to  detatch  us  from  such  props 
as  God  declares  will  break  down  ;  and  to  teach  us  effectually 
not  to  trust  in  ourselves,  nor  in  others,  but  in  God,  who  is  a 
faithful,  promise-keeping  God ;  to  teach  us,  tliat  when  there  is 
no  truth  nor  goodness  in  man,  there  is  all  in  God,  in  whom  we 
may  put  our  whole  trust.  Thus  did  Abraham,  when  he  was 
called  to  slay  Isaac. 

'  The  poet,  and  the  mourner,  acknowledge  the  sentence,  and 
then  think  no  more  about  it :  but  the  Christian  has  a  sanctified 
teaching  of  it  :  he  learns  it  practically.  God  takes  his  pro- 
perty, his  faculties,  or  what  he  holds  dear,  and  by  it  he  says, 
look  away  from  all  to  me:  hear  my  voice,  which  is  the  voice 
of  a  Father,  calling  you  to  trust  where  alone  you  cannot  be 
disappointed. 

'  God  teaches  us  we  have  death  within  and  without.  He 
writes  upon  all,  "  Dead,  dead,  dead."  He  will  seem  sometimes 
to  press  us  almost  beyond  measure,  and  bring  us  to  our  wits' 
end;  and  this  is  to  make  religion  something  more  than  mere 
talk  ;  and  also  to  destroy  our  self-confidence,  the  greatest  of 
all  idols. 

'  When  a  Christian  begins  to  forget  his  profession,  God  will 
come  in  some  providential  dispensation,  saying,  "  Get  thee 
out;"  a  sentence  of  death  is  past,  there  is  nothing  here  to  rest 
upon ;  look  higher  than  earth.  God  knows  that  is  best  for  a 
man  which  is  best  for  his  soul,  and  which  shall  profit  him  ages 
hence. 

'We  should  consider,  if  we  are  under  any  painful  dispen- 
sation, that  it  may  be  in  answer  to  our  own  prayers ;  we  have 
been  asking  of  God  that  we  may  be  pilgrims  indeed;  and  he 
has  answered  us  by  giving  us  "  not  so  much  as  to  set  the  sole 
of  our  foot  upon." 

'  While  there  is  a  sentence  of  death  on  the  one  hand,  the 
Devil  would  bring  a  sentence  of  despair  on  the  other  ;  but  the 
believer  has  still  a  lively  hope  in  Christ  Jesus;  he  has  got  the 
prison  doors  open,  and  the  king's  hand  signed  to  his  pardon  ; 
and  his  trust  is  "  in  God  that  raiseth  the  dead." 

*  A  Christian  does  not  recoil  and  sink  into  melancholy,  be- 
cause he  sees  and  feels  the  sentence  of  death  on  every  side  ; 
for  he  is  taught  by  faith  to  hear  the  proclamation  of  the  Gospel, 
and  to  close  in  with  it.  He  says,  "  He  hath  made  with  me  an 
everlasting  covenant,  ordered  in  all  things,  and  sure  ;  for  this 
is  all  my  salvation,  and  all  my  desire." 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.  D.  1790  to  1796.        91 

<  God  deals  with  us  by  dispensations ;  and  whatever  is  in 
the  world,  the  family,  the  church, or  in  our  own  experience,  is 
to  be  found  in  the  Bible  beforehand.  God's  chastisements  dif- 
fer from  his  judgments  ;  as  how  severe  soever  they  may  be, 
still  a  believer,  if  he  looks  closely,  will  find  mercy  mixed  with 
every  stroke.  It  is  "  in  measure  ;  when  he  sendeth  it  forth,  he 
debateth  with  it."  He  does  not  send  afflictions  by  accident,  nor 
in  passion.  It  is  the  dealing  of  a  perfect  being,  contending  with 
the  heart,  and  telling  us,  He  is  a  Holy  and  jealous  God  ;  that 
he  trieth  the  reins  ;  and  that  though  we  may  think  all  is  very 
well,  and  we  are  safe,  and  there  is  nothing  amiss,  yet  his  pure 
eye  discovers  much  that  lies  latent  in  the  soul,  and  it  must  be 
brought  out.  An  east  wind  must  blow  either  upon  the  pro- 
perty, upon  the  family,  or  upon  some  beloved  object;  and  the 
fruit  of  it  is  to  "  take  away  sin."  We  must  be  taught  that 
there  is  a  sentence  of  death,  and  learn  to  live  to  God.'  " 

Soon  after  Mrs.  Hawkes  returned  to  Holloway,  a  dispensa- 
tion opened  upon  her,  to  which  her  affectionate  heart  was  pe- 
culiarly prepared  to  respond.  It  was  one  effect  of  her  personal 
sorrows,  under  Divine  grace,  to  produce  in  her  a  tender  sym- 
pathy with  all  the  sons  and  daughters  of  affliction;  a  sympa- 
thy which  was  particularly  drawn  out  in  her  intercourse  with 
the  family  of  the  Rev.  R.  Cecil.  The  acquaintance  between 
Mrs.  Hawkes  and  Mrs.  Cecil,  had  now  grown  into  an  unre- 
served and  intimate  friendship  ;  and  in  the  bonds  of  Christian 
love  they  were  so  united,  that  one  member  could  neither  suffer 
nor  rejoice  without  the  other.  It  ma}^  therefore  easily  be  con- 
ceived how  deeply  Mrs.  Hawkes  must  have  felt,  the  sudden  and 
alarming  illness,  with  which  Mrs.  Cecil  was  at  this  time  visit- 
ed ;  especially  as  this  stroke  followed  almost  immediately  up- 
on another — the  death  of  a  beloved  child  in  that  family — a  boy 
of  four  years  old,  of  great  interest  and  promise.  A  reference 
to  Mrs.  Hawkes's  diary  will  best  show,  how  ready  she  was  on 
this  occasion,  to  comply  with  that  Scripture  precept,  "  weep 
with  them  that  weep." 

Wednesday,  May  28,  1794. — "  Another  painful  visitation 
in  the  house  of  the  man  of  God  !  What  a  solemn  season  !  Af- 
fliction seems  to  come  upon  affliction.  All  my  sorrowful  sym- 
pathies are  called  out  to  the  uttermost.  O  Thou,  who,  as  a 
father,  pitiest  thy  children,  inspire  and  hear  prayer  on  this  oc- 
casion !  'O  let  the  sighing  of  the  prisoner  come  before  thee; 
according  to  the  greatness  of  thy  power,  preserve  thou  those 
that  are  appointed  to  die  !'  " 

Thursday^  May  29. — "  As  cold  waters  to  a  thirsty  soul,  so 


92  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

is  good  news  to  an  anxious  mind.     '  If  ye  shall  ask  anything 
in  my  name,  I  will  do  it.' 

Friday,  May  30. — "  Clouds  return  again  !  Doleful  tidings 
from  Litile  James  Street!  Tears  are  my  meet  and  drink; 
wherever  I  go,  I  seem  to  carry  the  dear  sufferer  in  my  arms, 
crying,  Lord,  visit  her  with  thy  healing  power.  'Affliction 
Cometh  not  forth  of  the  dust,  neither  doth  trouble  spring  out  of 
the  ground.'  '  The  Lord  doth  not  willingly  afflict.'  While 
this  cloud  lasts,  1  will  get  me  upon  my  watch  tower;  1  will 
also  intreat  that  he  would  awake  during  the  storm,  and  say, 
'  Peace  be  still  ;'  for  at  his  mighty  word  of  power,  the  winds 
and  waves  shall  obey." 

The  same  day  Mrs.  Havvkes  received  the  lollowing  note 
from  Mr.  Cecil :  — 

"Mr.  Cecil's  kindest  regards  to  Mrs.  Hawkes,  and  hopes 
he  can  say  that  Mrs.  C.  is  rather  better.  Dr.  Reynolds  and 
Dr.  Underwood  met  last  night,  and  gave  him  hopes  of  her 
recovery  :  but  while  such  alarming  symptoms  remain,  he 
stands  like  Jacob,  '  greatly  afraid  and  distressed  for  the  mother 
with  the  children.'  Thanks  be  to  God,  that  the  grand  concern 
is  liable  to  no  such  change,  and  that  the  present  is  under  a  per- 
fect and  gracious  direction." 

Mrs.  Hawkes's  diary  here  furnishes  an  account  of  that  in- 
terview with  Mr.  Cecil,  the  particulars  of  which,  were  by  her 
permission,  inserted  by  the  Rev.  Josiah  Pratt,  in  his  personal 
character  of  Mr.  Cecil. ^ 

Saturday,  May  31,  1794. — "Venturing  to  call  on  Mr. 
Cecil  this  morning,  to  enquire  after  Mrs.  Cecil,  I  found  he 
had  given  orders  that  no  one  should  see  him.  But  my  great 
anxiety  for  Mrs.  C.  being  well  known  I  was,  as  a  parti- 
cular favour,  admitted  into  the  study, — where  1  found  Mr. 
Cecil  sitting  over  his  Bible,  in  great  sorrow.  He  said  the 
physicians  gave  him  next  to  no  hope.  His  tears  fell  so  fast, 
that  he  could  utter  only  broken  sentences.  Every  look  and 
every  word  was  solemnity  itself.  He  said,  '  Christians  do 
well  to  speak  of  the  grace,  love,  and  goodness  of  God  ;  but 
we  must  also  remember,  he  is  a  holy  and  a  jealous  God. 
Judgment  must  begin  at  the  house  of  God.  This  severe 
stroke  is  only  a  further  call  to  me,  to  arise  and  shake  my- 
self. My  hope  is  still  firm  in  God.  He  who  sends  the  stroke, 
will  bear  me  up   under   it :    and   I   have  no   doubt   but  if  I 

1  See  Cecifs  Works,  Vol.  i  p.  143.     First  Edition. 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.        93 

saw  the  whole  of  what  God  is  doing,  I  should  say,  "  Let  her 
be  taken."  Yet,  while  there  is  life,  I  cannot  help  saying, 
*'  Spare  her  another  year,  that  I  may  be  a  little  prepared  for 
her  loss."  1  know  I  have  higher  ground  for  connfort  ;  but  I 
shall  deeply  feel  the  taking  away  of  the  dying  lamp.  Her  ex- 
cellence as  a  wife,  and  a  mother,  I  am  obliged  to  keep  out  of 
sight,  or  I  should  be  overwhelmed.  All  I  can  do,  is  to  go 
from  text  to  text,  as  a  bird  from  spray  to  spray.  Our  Lord 
said  to  his  disciples,  "  where  is  your  faith?"  God  has  given 
her  to  be  my  comfort  these  many  years,  and  shall  I  not  trust 
him  for  the  future?  This  is  only  a  further  and  more  expen- 
sive education  for  the  work  of  the  ministry  ;  it  is  but  saying 
more  closely.  Will  you  pay  the  price?  If  she  should  die,  I 
shall  request  all  my  friends  never  once  to  mention  her  name 
to  me.  1  can  gather  no  help  from  what  is  called  friendly  con- 
dolence. Job's  friends  understood  grief  better,  when  they  sat 
down  and  spake  not  a  word." 

Tuesday,  June  3. — "  Thank  God  for  a  ray  of  hope  ;  still 
many  fears:  I  will  cry  mightily  unto  God." 

Wednesday,  4. — " '  Hope  thou  in  God,'  (see  1  Kings  xiii. 
6.)  He  has  only  to  speak  the  word,  '  I  will,  be  thou  whole,' 
and  it  shall  be  done.  '  Unto  Thee  lift  I  up  mine  eyes,  O  thou 
that  dwellest  in  the  heavens,' — 'Do  thou  it,  for  thy  name's 
sake.'  " 

On  this  affecting  occasion  Mrs.  .Tones  M^rote  to  Mrs.  Hawkes 
as  follows : — 

"  Your  letter,  my  dear  Sister,  informing  me  of  the  very  dan- 
gerous illness  of  Mrs.  Cecil,  has  filled  me  with  grief.  1  am 
distressed  for  the  man  of  God.  No  doubt  prayer  is  offered  in 
the  churches  without  ceasing.  But  though  the  sentence  of 
death  may  be  already  passed  upon  her,  yet  he  who  raises  the 
dead  can  raise  her  up  again  :  therefore  pray  on.  May  God  be 
abundantly  gracious  to  them  both,  and  cause  his  loving-kind- 
ness to  appear  on  their  behalf.  But  if  her  release  is  at  hand, 
let  us  turn  our  eyes  to  the  brighter  side,  and  view  her  received 
into  the  mansions  of  blessedness  ;  exchanging  pain  and  weari- 
ness for  glory  and  immortality  !  Could  we  see  the  glory  that 
is  revealed  when  the  everlasting  doors  are  opened  to  admit  an 
heir  of  heaven,  our  sighs  and  tears  would  be  changed  to  hal- 
lelujahs !  Yet  the  sight  might  perhaps,  be  too  strong  for  us 
in  this  state  of  probation.  What  views  had  good  Mr.  Fletcher 
when,  in  his  last  moments,  he  called  out  to  those  about  him, 
*  Shout,  shout — 1  want  to  hear  vou  shout  that  "  God  is  love.'''' 


94  :)iejIoirs  of  mrs.  iiavvkes. 

"I  cannot  fear  for  the  man  of  God,  whose  loss  however  will 
be  unspeakable  heavy.  No,  the  Lord  will  strengthen  him 
that  he  fiiint  not.  The  grace  of  submission  to  providential  dis- 
pensations, is  exclusively  the  gift  of  God.  Wjjen  the  mighty 
power  of  faith  turns  our  eyes  from  the  things  that  are  seen  to 
the  things  that  are  not  seen,  we  can  trust  God  for  ourselves 
and  others.  Hitherto  I  have  been  enabled  to  trust  God  more 
for  myself  than  my  friends:  but  I  have  always  found  him  a 
sustainer  in  extremity.  However  this  alliiction  may  terminate, 
it  will  assuredly  work  for  good.  In  the  mean  tinie,  we  must 
rest  on  the  anchor  of  hope." 

It  pleased  God  to  hear  the  earnest  and  united  supplications 
which  were  offered  on  this  occasion,  and  soon  to  restore  Mrs. 
Cecil  to  a  state  of  convalescence.  Shortly  after,  Mrs.  Hawkes 
received  from  her  beloved  invalid  friend,  the  following  note, 
which  she  ever  after  preserved  as  an  interesting  memorial. 

"  My  dear  Sister,  and  dearest  Friend, — I  cannot  write,  and 
therefore  I  beg  Mr.  Cecil  to  put  down  a  few  words.  I  have 
been  shaken  mightily  ;  yet  hope,  though  but  a  reed,  to  be 
stronger  when  the  blast  is  over.  I  know  it  will  afford  you 
comfort  to  hear,  that  the  Physicians  have  pronounced  me  radi- 
cally better  to-day.  It  is  impossible  for  me  to  express  my 
sense  of  your  kindness,  and  I  should  certainly  accept  of  what 
you  so  kindly  propose,  if  it  were  necessary  ;  and  whenever  I 
find  it  is,  you  shall  know. 

"  I  wish  exceedingly  to  retain  the  benefit  of  your  prayers  ; 
but  charge  you  to  refrain  from  oppressing  me  with  your  tears, 
And  remain,  with  the  tenderest  afiection,  and  gratitude, 
lours  in  our  common  Lord, 

J.   Cecil." 

On  the  following  Sunday,  June  8,  1794,  Mr.  Cecil  preached 
a  sermon  from  Eccles.  vii.  2.  On  the  advantages  of  the 
HOUSE  OF  MOURNING,  which  may  be  seen  among  his  printed 
sermons. 

The  following  passage  in  Mrs.  Hawkes's  diary  alludes  to 
Mrs.  Cecil's  recovery, — 

Wednesday  11. — "  '  God  is  the  Lord  who  has  showed  us 
light  ! '  '  O  thou  that  hearest  prayer,  unto  thee  shall  all  flesh 
come.'  May  this  occasion  confirm  my  faith  in  God,  as  a 
prayer-hearing. and  answering  God.  Through  all  impediments 
and  infirmities,  may  my  requests  be  made  known  unto  God  ; 
and  may  every  trial,  temptation  and  difficulty,  forward,  rather 
than  hinder,  my  application  to  him." 


CHAP.  III. — FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.       95 

■■  The  impressions  made  on  Mr.  Cecirs  mind  by  the  late  visi- 
tation, are  thus  described  in  a  letter  from  Mrs.  Flawkes  to  Mrs. 
Jones. 

"  I  never  was  more  glad  to  see  Mr.  Burn.  Our  beloved  pas- 
tor much  needed  help.  I  will  not  attempt  to  tell  you  his  late 
sorrows,  nor  his  present  thankfulness  for  Mrs.  C's  restoration; 
but  I  will  tell  you  his  weighty  ivords,  which,  I  pray  God,  we 
may  hide  in  our  hearts,  till  they  shine  forth  in  our  lives.  '  I 
most  particularly  request  your  prayers,  that  I  may  profit  by 
this  season  ;  I  have  never  before  been  led  to  reflections  so 
solemn.  It  is  a  peculiar  time,  and  I  dread  lest  I  should  not 
improve  it.  The  enemy  comes  in  like  a  flood,  with  a  thousand 
other  things ;  but  in  the  strength  of  the  Lord  I  endeavour  to 
say,  '  Get  thee  behind  me  Satan,'  for  I  have  no  time  now  to 
attend  to  thy  malicious  inventions.  The  Lord  affords  me  les- 
sons out  of  the  furnace  without  being  iii  it.  Blessed  be  God, 
my  soul  is  all  ear.  May  instruction  be  sealed  on  my  poor 
foolish  heart. 

"  Yesterday  evening,  Mr.  C's  conversation  was  truly  of  a  kind 
that  I  can  only  express  by  the  Scripture  phrase — "  salted  ivith 
fire.''''  '  You  see,'  said  he,  '  to  what  expense  I  am  put  to  be  a 
minister.  This  is  a  call  from  God  to  preach  better,  and  to  live 
better;  and  if  I  do  not  obey  it,  the  furnace  will  be  made  se- 
ven-times hotter.  I  shall,  if  I  am  spared,  make  a  closer  attack 
upon  the  conscience  of  my  several  congregations  than  I  have 
done.  This  is  to  tell  me,  in  a  louder  voice,  that  every  thing 
is  dying  around  me :  it  is  a  pruning  time.  "  Every  branch 
that  beareth  fruit,  he  purgeth  it,  that  it  may  bring  forth  more 
fruit."  Our  fruit  is  crude  and  unripe  that  it  scarcely  deserves 
the  name  of  fruit,  and  therefore  it  must  be  pruned.  A  vine, 
by  the  influence  of  the  sun  and  rain,  will  cast  out  long  shoots, 
and  presently  run  over  the  side  of  a  house  :  yet  the  shoots  are 
wild,  and  there  will  be  no  fruit  good  for  any  thing,  unless  the 
vine  is  pruned.  We  are  calling  for  sun  and  showers,  and  tel- 
ling God  these  will  be  sufficient.  We  wouldj  have  this^  and 
escape  that:  but  the  truth  is,  God  v^'ill  have  more  fruit.  He 
will  give  it  a  finer j^aijowr.  He  will  have  it  ripe,  and  there- 
fore  we  must  be  pruned ;  it  is  God's  way  and  method.  The 
devil  is  very  busy  with  suggestions  at  such  a  time  as  this ;  but 
he  should  not  be  listened  to  for  a  moment.  Every  hard  thought 
of  God,  if  it  is  even  looked  at,  spreads  destruction  :  a  stream  of 
fire  and  brimstone  from  hell  is  not  so  destructive  as  such  mis- 
givings.'   Here  my  mind  was  so  overwhelmed  that  I  lost  the  fin- 


96  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

ishing  sentence.  May  what  I  did  hear,  he  engraven  by  the 
finger  of  God,  the  Holy  Spirit,  upon  nny  heart,  as  upon  an  ad- 
aniant,  never  to  be  erased.  Mr.  C.  fijrther  said,  '  God  was 
speaking  to  hinn  as  he  was  to  Jacob,  "  Arise,  go  up  to  Bethel, 
and  dwell  there."  He  had  been  hoping  for  a  little  rest  at  this 
and  the  other  period.  But  God  says,  "  Go  up  to  Bethel."  It 
is  not  to  be  had  here  but  there.  He  said, '  the  stroke  being  so 
sudden,  he  was  not  prepared  for  it ;  and  therefore  the  voice  out 
of  it  was  to  he  always  ready.''  I  much  fear  she  is  only  spared 
for  this  end,  that  he  may  be  prepared  for  her  removal :  but 
why  should  1  fear?  God  is  all  wisdom  and  love,  and  will  do 
that  which  is  best  for  all.* 

"  Mr.  C.  continued  to  say,  '  A  Christian  will  hear  the  voice 
of  God  in  every  thing.  If  a  cold  nipping  east-wind  comes  and 
cuts  off  all  his  fair  blossoms,  chills  every  comfort,  he  enters 
into  the  design,  and  says,  by  this  shall  mine  iniquity  be  purged  : 
and  if  the  east  wind  be  sharp,  still  "  He  stayeth  his  rough 
wind."  The  parent  who  has  a  child  that  must  go  through  a 
painful  operation,  will  entreat  the  surgeon  to  invent  the  easiest 
method  for  performing  it.  "Do  not  give  any  more  pain  than 
you  can  help  consistently  with  safety."  "  Deal  gently  with 
the  young  man."  So  God  saith,  "  I  will  send  a  keen  east 
wind,  but  not  my  rough  wind  ;  I  will  put  forth  a  blight  upon 
all  his  pleasant  things,  but  there  shall  be  no  storms;  that  will 
be  too  much."  No  physician  ever  weighed  out  the  medicine 
to  his  patient  with  half  so  much  exactness,  and  care,  as  God 
weighs  out  to  us  every  trial  :  not  one  grain  too  much  does  he 
ever  permit  to  be  put  into  the  scale.' — But  I  cannot  recollect 
some  of  the  choicest  things  he  said.  I  only  know,  that  what  I 
heard  made  me  tremble;  fori  am  sure  there  is  much  iniquity 
in  my  heart  and  nature  to  be  purged  away  ;  and  though  I  have 
had  a  cold  blighting  east  wind,  yet  I  fear  I  must  have  storms 
also,  before  I  am  purified.  However,  I  am  in  the  hands  of  per- 
feet  wisdom  and  perfect  love,  and  my  prayer  is,  to  be  made 
holy  ^  if  by  any  means. ^ 

"  This  deeply  experimental  discourse  shows,  in  part  what 
the  man  of  God  has  gained  out  of  this  dispensation,  which,  he 


'  It  pleased  God  not  only  to  spare  the  life  of  Mrs.  Cecil,  at  this  time, 
but  also  to  preserve  it  for  many  years  afterwards.  It  was  her  painful 
lot  to  witness  the  dying  out  of  that  bright  lamp  which  had  illuminated 
herself  and  others :  and  during  twenty  years  of  widowhood,  her  only 
consolation  was  the  hope  of  joining  him  in  perfect  day,  whom  she  so 
tenderly  loved  and  honored  here  below. 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.         97 

says,  he  would  not  have  been  without  for  thousands.  Indeed, 
it  IS  evident,  he  has  gained  great  riches  by  it.  All  is  gold  tiiat 
comes  to  him.  He  says  he  cannot  attempt  to  tell  me  what  this 
trying  season  has  brought  out.  He  feels  like  a  man  that  has 
been  arrested,  and  ordered  for  execution,  but  who  has  obtained 
the  king's  pardon.  He  does  not  expect  to  receive  such  an  in- 
dulgence again:  therefore  he  fixes  his  eye  like  a  hawk,  upon 
*Be  ye  ready,'  stand  '  with  your  loins  girded,'  be  prepared  to 
part  with  evenj  thing.  He  lives,  he  says,  upon  the  faith  that 
removes  mountains  ;  it  is  a  subject  he  speaks  upon  with  cau- 
tion ;  but  is  a  great  point  with  him.  He  does  not  know  in 
what  channel  God  may  convey  the  answer  to  prayer:  it  may 
be  in  a  way  very  different  from  what  he  has  expected  ;  with 
that  he  has  nothing  to  do.  Our  business  is,  in  every  thing, 
great  and. small,  to  treat  immediately  with  God;  that  is,  the 
nearest  way,  and  then  believe,  nothing  doubting. 

"  You  will  give  me  credit  when  1  say,  1  would  not  have  lost 
all  this  for  any  sum  of  money." 

Mrs.  Jones's  reply  to  her  sister,  is  both  beautiful,  and  highly 
characteristic.     She  writes — 

"  I  am  truly  thankful  for  the  good  tidings  you  have  sent  me 
of  our  dear  friend.  Oh,  that  all  the  world  knew  more  of  that 
text,  '  God  is  love  !'  As  to  the  omnipotence,  omniscence,  and 
omnipresence  of  God,  of  these  we  can  only  think  as  'children,' 
but  his  love  we  may  contemplate  as  '  fathers.'  We  are  more 
capable  of  partaking  of  this  divine  attribute  than  of  any  other, 
and  he  in  whom  the  love  of  God  is  perfected,  '  dvvelleth  in  love.' 
Men  may  talk  of  liberality  of  mind,  generous  principles,  large- 
ness of  heart,  and  fine  feelings, — but  whatever  does  not  derive 
its  supplies  from  this  fountain,  how  pleasant  soever,  will  be 
faithless  as  a  brook,  which  though,  for  a  time  it  may  cheer 
many,  yet  in  the  burning  heat  and  freezing  cold,  it  will  fail. 
Love  alone,  'never  faileth.'  It  is  active  as  the  fire,  patient 
as  the  sun.  But  the  apostle  hath  spoken  of  it  so  fully  in  1 
Cor.  xiii.  that  ever  to  speak  of  it  after  him  is  a  poor  attempt. 
Let  us  use  what  we  have,  and  ask  for  more.  The  best  way 
to  increase  in  this,  and  every  other  grace,  is  to  be  more  in  the 
exercise  of  it. 

"  Tell  dear  Mrs.  C,  I  now  think  I  shall  reach  the  Celestial 
City  before  her,  and  when  she  hears  it,  I  hope  she  will  sing 
hallelujah  I 

"  I  never  hear  any  minister  enter  so  deeply  into  the  subject 
of  affliction  as  Mr.  C.  It  is  enouirh  to  make  one  wish  for  a 
9 


98  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.  HAWKES. 

a  taste  of  that  cup,  which  from  his  hands  who  composes  the 
mixture,  produces  such  enlightening  and  saving  effects.  But 
in  the  idea  of  suffering,  we  conceive  but  little  of  the  bitter 
which  is  infused  into  the  draught.  If  I  am  not  mistaken, 
there  is  one  ingredient  in  your  cup,  which  appears  to  me  of 
divine  bounty  ;  you  are  highly  favoured  in  having  free  access 
to  so  wise  a  minister,  who  is  able  to  instruct  you  in  a  way 
peculiar  to  himself  in  the  mysteries  of  the  kingdom.  I  rejoice 
in  all  your  comforts  and  advantages;  it  is  a  common  remark, 
that  'Great  afflictions  are  often  attended  with  great  favours:' 
which  strongly  evidences  the  compassion  of  Him,  who  was 
made  in  the  likeness  of  man,  and  who  is  touched  with  our  in- 
firmities. It  is  an  unspeakable  encouragement  to  know,  both 
from  his  own  word  and  from  our  own  experience,  that '  he  hear- 
eth  us,'  and  helpeth  us  too;  for  I  am  sure  we  shou'd  say  no- 
thing to  the  purpose  if  he  did  not  assist  our  intercessions.  But 
he  who  giveth  the  Spirit,  knoweth  what  is  the  mind  of  the 
Spirit,  and  answers  the  yet  unformed  prayer.  We  must  be- 
lieve that  God  takes  no  pleasure  in  afflicting  his  children  ; 
and  if  it  were  not  to  show  his  mighty  power,  and  all-support- 
ing goodness,  probably  there  had  been  no  martyrs.  He  does, 
and  will,  amply  recompence  the  instruments  of  his  gloiy. — 
The  promises  of  grace,  which  lie  hidden  in  the  vvord,  are 
searched  out  in  their  fullness  by  suffering  subjects.  Oh  for 
stronger  faith  to  enter  into  the  riches  of  God,  which  are  laid 
up  for  us  in  Christ  Jesus  !" 

The  joy  which  was  felt  on  account  of  Mrs.  Cecil's  recovery, 
was  much  chastised  by  the  long-continued  weakness  under 
'  which  she  subsequently  laboured  ;  and  which  tended  to  keep 
alive  those  deep  impressions,  which  had  been  produced  on  the 
mind  of  Mr.  Cecil.  This  appears  marked  in  the  sermons  he 
preached  at  this  period,  of  which  Mrs.  Hawkes's  diary  furnishes 
many  notices. 

Sunday.—''  Heard  Mr.  C.  from  Ps.  Ixi.  2.  '  From  the  end 
of  the  earth  will  I  cry  unto  thee,  when  my  heart  is  overwhelmed  : 
lead  me  to  the  Rock  that  is  higher  than  I.' 

'  This  psalm  was  penned  when  David  was  in  trouble ;  and 
we  learn  from  it  where  to  flee  when  we  are  in  the  like  circum- 
tances.  "  Hear  my  cry,  O  God,  attend  unto  my  prayer ;  when 
my  heart  is  overwhelmed,  &c."  Here  seems  an  allusion  to  a 
mnn  d J' owning — to  one  sinking  in  the  mighty  waters — "All 
thy  waves  and  thy  billows  are  gone  over  me." 

'  All  must  know,  that  are  arrived  at  any  age,  what  it  is  to 


CHAP.  III. FKOM  A.  D.   1790  TO  1796.  99 

be  overwhelmed  with  trouble,  from  one  cause  or  another : 
either  from  bereavements,  or  from  disappointments  in  business 
or  friendship,  from  sickness,  or  from  what  is  far  worse  than 
these,  a  wounded  spirit;  from  violent  suggestions  and  tempta- 
tions of  Satan,  or  from  inward  corruptions,  as  the  Psalmist 
cries,  "  Mine  iniquities  have  gone  over  mine  head  ;  as  a  heavy 
burden  they  are  too  heavy  for  me." 

'  Man  is  born  to  trouble.  There  is  either  a  wave  over  your 
ihead,  or  there  is  one  coming.  Where  then  is  your  resource? 
Is  it  the  same  as  David's?  Is  your  prayer  like  his,  "  Lead 
me  to  the  Rock  that  is  higher  than  I?" 

*  Every  idea  that  conveys  comfort  and  hope,  is  selected  in 
ihe  Bible  to  hold  forth  the  character  of  the  Redeemer.  Isa.  xxxii. 
2.  Heb.  vii.  25. 

'  The  Psalmist  prays,  "  Lead  me  to  the  Rock,"  as  if  he  had 
said,  1  cannot  place  myself  upon  it;  put  me,  as  thou  didst 
Moses,  in  the  cleft  of  the  rock. 

'  A  shipwrecked  mariner,  in  the  midst  of  his  distress  and 
danger,  may  see  a  rock  very  near,  which  if  he  could  get  upon 
it,  would  save  him  from  the  billows — but  he  cannot  reach  it. 
No  more  can  the  Christian;  therefore  he  prays,  ^'  Lead  me  to 
the  rock:"  thou  canst  place  me  upon  it,  though  ever  so  high; 
and  when  I  have  attained  to  it,  1  shall  be  lilled  above  all  mine 
enemies  ;  they  cannot  reach  to  hurt  me. 

'  God  takes  various  methods  to  lead  us  to  this  rock.  He  is 
a  God  of  order,  and  therefore  makes  use  of  means.  He  sends 
his  Holy  Spirit  to  teach  a  man  what  he  is  by  nature,  a  poor, 
fallen,  guilty  creature,  having  no  hope  but  in  Christ.  God 
draws  the  heart  to  himself  by  giving  an  experimental  taste  of 
his  goodness.  '^  Come,  taste  and  see,  how  ^racious  the 
Lord  is." 

'But  the  Christian  sometimes  forgets  his  Rock.  He  leaves 
the  fountain  of  living  waters,  and  goes  to  some  creature  cistern: 
then  God  makes  it  an  empty  one.  Hosea  ii.  8,  9. 

'  What  man  cannot  teach,  God  can  ;  and  that  perhaps  se- 
verely in  the  dispensation,  but  most  mercifully  in  the  end. 
Something  more  is  necessary  than  merely  the  discovery  of  the 
rock,  namely,  the  school  of  instruction,  whereby  we  are  led  to 
it.  All  the  children  of  God  are  more  or  less  brought  through 
ihe  valley  of  humiliation,  and  are  taught  to  cry,  "  Flear  rny 
prayer,  6  God ;  from  the  end  of  the  earth  will  I  cry  unto  thee." 
AfHiction  is  sent  to  humble  the  heart  of  the  sinner  ;  to  make 
him  teachable;  to  make  him  listen  to  that  God  who  says, 
"  Take  my  yoke  upon  you."     Human  nature,  if  left  to  itself, 


100  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

would,  instead  of  wearing  this  yoke,  trample  upon  it:  as  soon 
would  the  wild  ass's  colt  submit  to  the  reins.  But  God  knows 
how  to  break  the  stoutest  heart;  to  subdue  the  most  stubborn 
will ;  to  make  the  most  rebellious  wear  this  yoke,  not  only 
with  quietness,  but  comfort. 

'  We  may  congratulate  the  man  with  whom  God  will  con 
tend  :  who  is  not  left  to  himself  like  a  child  without  education 
whom  he  thus  overwhelms  to  save;  whom  he  teaches  to  say 
"  It  is  good  for  me  that  I  have  been  afflicted."     Not  that  afRic 
lion,  however  severe,  will  do  of  itself.     Cain  said,  "  my  punish 
ment  is  greather  than  I  can  bear,"  but  his  heart  was  not  soft 
ened.     Pharaoh   hardened   his    heart  under   all  the  dreadful 
judgments  with  which  he  was  visited.     Affliction  must  be  sane 
tified  ;  then   its   design  will   be   answered.     This   it   was  tha 
made  Ephraim,  who  at  first  was  "  like  a  bullock  unaccustomed 
to  the  yoke,"  to  "  smite  upon  his  thigh,"  Jer.  xxxi.  19.     Then 
it  is,  we  are  taught  to  fly  to  the  Rock  of  ages. 

'But  God  not  only  leads  by  painful  instruction,  but  by  gra- 
cious influences,  "  Turn  ye  to  the  strong  hold,  ye  prisoners  of 
hope." 

'  Instead  of  trouble  leading  us  from  God  with  murmuring,  it 
should  lead  us  to  God  for  mercy.  Prayer  may  be  offered  in 
the  loudest  storm. 

<  Times  of  affliction  are  often  times  of  rich  sentiment.  Our 
views  of  eternal  things  are  enlarged,  our  value  of  them  height- 
ened, our  desires  quickened,  our  resolutions  strengthened. 
The  world  appears  in  its  true  colour,  temporal  concerns  be- 
comes less  interesting,  and  all  our  desire  is  after  God. 

'  We  should  take  encouragement  from  our  past  deliverances, 
to  trust  God  with  all  that  is  to  come.  David  says,  "  I  will 
abide  in  thy  tabernacle  forever:  I  will  trust  in  the  covert  of 
thy  wings."  ' 

"Grant,  O  Lord,  that  I  may  be  enabled,  by  faith,  to  cling 
more  and  more  to  that  blessed,  pierced  hand,  which  is  stretched 
forth  to  draw  me  out  of  soul-troubled  waters;  and  by  it  climb 
to  the  rock  that  is  higher  than  I.  May  1,  by  dwelling  on  this 
Rock,  have  some  sweet  serenity,  and  gleams  of  cheering  sun- 
shine, while  clouds  and  tempests  are  gathering  beneath." 

The  anxiety  which  Mrs.  Hawkes  had  lately  experienced, 
was  followed  by  considerable  exhaustion,  and  temporary  con- 
finement to  a  sick  chamber.  The  memorandum  which  occurs 
next  in  order,  (in  which  she  adopts  a  sentiment  from  Bishop 
Hall,)  besides  an  indication  of  mental  languor,  contains  also  a 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.  D.  1790,  TO  1796.        101 

trait  of  Mrs.  H.'s  character,  which  must  not  be  passed  over  in 
silence,  namely,  her  eminent  sincerity.  Even  in  an  uncon- 
verted state,  this  quality  procured  to  her  general  esteem.  But 
when  it  became  a  sanctified  principle,  it  shone  forth  with  pecu- 
liar lustre.  From  the  beginning  of  her  course  to  the  end,  her 
conversation  was  marked  by  "  simplicity  and  irodly  sincerity." 
2  Cor.  i.  12.  i        J  ^      J  J 

Wednesday,  June  18,  1794.—"  Not  so  comfortable  in  mind 
this  day  as  I  could  wish.  One  has  said,  It  is  good  to  inure 
the  mouth  to  speaking  well  ;  for  good  speech  "is  very  often 
drawn  into  the  affections.  But  I  would  fear,  that  speaking 
well,  without  feeling,  were  the  next  way  to  procure  an  habi- 
tual hypocrisy.  Let  my  good  words  follow  good  affections, 
and  not  go  before  them." 

_  Thursday.— ^^  First  week  of  hay-making.  How  sweet  the 
sight  from  the  windows  of  my  secret  chamber,  where  I  am 
this  day  a  prisoner  from  illness.  Yet  though  here  solitary  and 
unsupported  and  oppressed  by  sorrows  unknown  and  undi- 
vided, I  am  not  without  joyful  expectation.  There  is  one  friend 
who  loveth  at  all  times  :  '  A  brother  born  for  adversity.'  The 
helpof  the  helpless;  the  hope  of  the  hopeless  ;  the  health  of 
the  sick;  the  strength  of  the  weak;  the  riches  of  the  poor; 
the  peace  of  the  disquieted  ;  the  companion  of  the  desolate  ; 
the  friend  of  the  friendless.  To  Him  alone  will  1  call  ;  and 
He  will  raise  me  above  my  fears." 

Saturday.—''  This  week  seems  to  have  been  lost  through 
weakness  of  body  and  stupidity  of  mind.  Truly  may  I  say 
with  the  Psalmist,  "  1  am  a  worm  and  no  man  :"  how  soon  am 
I  pushed  down,  and  my  wings  clipped.  Yet  to-day,  my  spirit 
has  been  refreshed  by  a  visit  from  my  revered  minister, 
bringing  glad  tidings.  Let  me  record,  for  future  use,  what  my 
memory  can  recall  of  his  invigorating  remarks. 
"  Mr.  C.  observed, — 

'  We  stand  every  day  in  need  of  re-inforcements  in  order  to 
meet  every  day's  exigencies.  Danger  starts  up  from  every 
quarter  ;  and  therefore  a  true  Christian  will  endeavour  to  be 
found  watching.  When  he  considers  Samson,  David,  Peter, 
&c.,  he  will  say,  "  Lord  help  me  to  watch  and  pray."  Such 
a  man  is  not  only  a  servant,  but  a  son.  He  does  not  wish  to 
separate  the  work  of  Christ  from  the  mind  of  Christ ;  ho  re- 
joices in  both. 

'A  Christian  should  be  always  on  his  watch-tower;  fi.  e.) 
he  should  live  in  a  state  and  habit  of  recollection  ;  by  which 
he  would  be  better  prepared  to  encounter  whatever  trials  might 
y 


102  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKE3. 

come  upon  him  :  whereas,  if  we  are  off  our  guard,  afflictions 
wear  the  aspect  of  judgments.' 

Ques "  How  far  to  yield  to  our  bodily  infirmities  ? " 

Ans. — '  It  is  of  vast  importance  to  know  how  far  to  yield  to 
our  infirmities  ;  and  how  to  improve  them  without  fainting  un- 
der their  burden. 

'  Thus,  if  a  man  becomes  blind,  he  must  do  what  he  can,  he 
must  now  turn  a  wheel. 

Mt  is  of  importance  for  a  man  to  be  shown  to  himself  in 
every  point  of  view. 

'  Jacob's  thigh  must  halt — 
'  Cure  of  presumption,  &c. 

« Infirmity  shows  us  the  folly  of  our  schemes,  though  we 
might  have  thought  them  essential. 
*  God  has  a  scheme — 

'  We  often  play  with  our  remedies,  and  speculate  upon  them  ; 
affliction  makes  us  take  them.  Thus  our  Bible  lies  on  the 
shelf:  affliction  makes  us  take  it  down. 

'  Infirmities  make  us  feel  for  others  ;  besides,  the  top  is  only 
kept  going  while  it  is  whipped.'' 

"  One  present  said,  '  I  cannot  come  up  to  such  and  such 
views.'     Mr.  C.  replied, 

'  It  is  not  coming  wp,  but  coming  down,  that  we  want. 
'  We  should  learn  to  rejoice  in  infirmities.  Affliction  is  the 
post  of  honour  :  we  should  have  a  confidential  reliance  in  the 
Divine  sufficiency  to  remove  all  impossibilities.  By  our  bodi- 
ly infirmities  and  loss  of  faculties,  we  are  reminded  of  the  ne- 
cessity of  redeeming  the  time;  and  of  making  use  of  our 
faculties  while  we  have  them  :  we  are  also  taught,  by  the  loss 
of  them,  that  death  is  hastening  on  ;  and  that  he  has  already 
taken  an  earnest,  and  will  soon  call  for  the  rest.' " 

The  foregoing  remarks  seem  to  have  been  put  down  by  Mrs. 
Ilawkes  as  memoranda,  to  recall  to  her  mind  the  topics  of  a 
conversation  which  had  interested  her.  In  the  present  form, 
they  are  very  elliptical  ;  yet  to  those  acquainted  with  Mr.  Ce- 
cil's train  of  thought,  and  manner  of  expression,  they  may 
suggest  some  useful  hints.  Her  diary  next  presents  an  expe- 
rimental view  of  the  importance  of  close  communion  with  the 
Saviour. 

July  26. — "  '  Abide  in  me.'  Conscience  tells  me  that  some 
of  my  late  trials  have  arisen  from  not  sufficiently  attending  to 
these  words  of  my  adorable  Master,  •'  The  branch  cannot  bear 
fruit  of  itself,  except  it  abide  in  the  vine."  This  day  has  closed 
in  deep  anguish  of  spirit,  so  that  my  eyes  run  down  with  tears. 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.       103 

*  Evening,  and  morning,  and  at  noon,  will  f  pray,  and  cry- 
aloud  ;  and  he  shall  hoar  my  voice.'  '  For  thy  JVIaker  is  thine 
Husband  ;  the  Lord  of  Hosts  is  his  name.'" 

Sunday,  27 — "  Heard  Mr.  C.  from  Matt.  xiv.  28.  «  And 
Peter  answered  him  and  said,  Lord  !  if  it  be  thou,  bid  me  come 
unto  thee  on  the  water.' 

'The  approach  of  Christ,  not  only  in  his  providential,  but 
even  in  his  gracious  visitations,  is  sometimes  alarming.  We 
often  fear  when  some  great  good  awaits  us. 

'  True  faith,  and  true  love  to  Christ,  will  enable  the  believer 
to  encounter  all  difficulties. 

'  An  arduous  work  requires  both  a  single  and  a  fixed  eye. 
Peter's  eye  was  single,  but  it  began  to  wander  ;  and  then  he 
began  to  sink.  If  we  are  able  in  all  circumstances  to  fix  our 
eye  on  Christ,  all  is  well.  But  if  we  incline  to  means  and 
creatures,  we  lose  our  strength  and  stability. 

'  While  our  blessed  Lord's  command  is  our  warrant  in  pur- 
suing, so  his  friendship  is  our  security. 

'  We  must  not  attempt  to  move  without  a  call  :  the  most 
zealous  Christian  must  wait  for  his  order;  and  then  he  may 
safely  trust  himself  in  the  midst  of  all  danger.  But  we  are  in 
general  too  much  disposed  to  stand  still  when  God  bids  us  go 
forward  ;  and  to  be  in  too  great  haste  to  go  forward  when  God 
bids  us  be  still. 

'  It  is  in  trying  paths  and  transactions,  that  the  strength  of 
the  believer  is  increased  ;  and  Christ  glorified.    He  is  the  wise 
man,  that  knows  what  to  do  in  difficulties  like  Peter,  "  Save 
Master ! " 

*Our  fears  occupy  more  than  our  lives  ;  and  they  are  only  to 
be  banished  by  fixing  the  eye  of  faith  upon  an  Almighty 
Friend.  The  substance  of  the  Bible  is,  to  turn  a  sinner's^'eye 
to  the  Saviour.'  " 

Tuesday,  Sep..  16,  1794.—"  Mr.  Hawkes  and  myself,  with 
our  revered  minister,  set  offifor  Birmingham.  We  esteem  his 
accompanying  us  a  great  condescension,  and  as  conferring 
upon  us  a  high  honor  and  privilege.  Lord  enable  us  to  im° 
prove  it!  To  have  the  society  and  conversation  of  so  wise  a 
man,  and  so  godly  a  minister,  for  some  continuance,  is  a  talent 
committed  to  us  which  ought  to  gain  ten  talents. 

"My  prayer  for  many  weeks,  concerning  this  journey,  has 
been,  '  Ifihy  presence  go  not  with  us,  carry  us  not  up  hence.'  " 

Sunday,  Sept.  21—"  Went  with  Mr.'  Hawkes,  and  my 
dear  sister  Jones,  to  St.  Mary's  Church.  Mr.  C.  preached 
from  Luke  xi.  2.     '  Thy  kingdom  come.' 


104  ME?.IOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

»  When  the  kinnsdom  of  Christ  comes  into  the  heart,  it  makes 
all  other  thinf^s  fade  away,  and  hecome  as  nothing  worth. 

« It  is  one  thing  to  pray  in  a  cold  forma!  manner  that  the 
kingdom  of  Christ  may  come,  and  another  thing  to  say  with 
alUhe  heart,  Let  it  come  whatever  I  suffer — whatever  I  may 
loose — however  I  may  be  persecuted  or  hated. 

'  Not  the  prayers  only,  but  the  whole  life  of  a  Christian  is 
one  loud  proclamation,'"  Let  thy  kingdom  come" — let  it  pro- 
ceed  let  it  overcome— let  it  run  and  be  glorified.     The  whole 

life  of  Christ  was  one  continued  expression  of  the  same  desire: 
Let  me  lay  aside  my  glory,  let  me  expire  on  the  cross,— So 
"Thy  kingdom  come."  And  the  martyrs  who  in  every  age 
have'suffered  in  the  cause  of  God,  all  cried  out  by  their  blood, 
"  Thv  kingdom  come."  ' 

Wednesday,  Sept.  24— "Mr.  C.  preached  at  St.  .Mary's  from 
Ps.  Ixxiii.  16,  17.  '  When  I  thought  to  know  this,  it  was  too 
painful  for  me,  until  I  went  into  the  sanctuary  of  God,  then 
understood  I  their  end.' 

'A  Christian  is  distinguished  from  other  men,  inasmuch  as 
he  lives  under  a  divine  influence.  He  is  a  traveller  on  a  jour- 
ney, and  like  all  other  travellers,  he  makes  observations  i.  e. 
spiritual  memoirs,  as  he  passes  along.     See  Deut.  viii.  2. 

'The  sanctuary  of  God  to  the  spiritual  man  is  the  porch  of 
the  eternal  world— the  very  confines  of  heaven.  It  is  here  he 
receives  the  enlivening  rays  of  the  Sun  of  Righteousness  ;  and 
he  is  as  sure  that  it  imparls  light  and  heat  and  growth  to  his 
soul,  as  the  natural  sun  does  to  the  earth.  It  is  here  he  meets 
Christ  himself,  and  "sits  down  under  his  shadow  with  great 
delight."  It  is  here  the  enchantment  of  the  world  is  broken. 
The  light  of  the  sanctuary  is  a  glorious  light. 

«  Some  objects  can  only  be  properly  viewed  in  certain  places 
and  situations.  There  is  a  certain  point,  (as  the  artists  ex- 
press it,)  where  things  may  be  best  seen.  If  we  would  have 
a  true  view  of  spiritual  objects,  we  must  view  them  in  the 
sanctuary.  Whatever  things  appear  to  be  in  the  sanctuary, 
that  they  are  really.  It  is  there  the  royal  balance  is  kept ; 
and  the  true  touchstone  is  to  be  found.  It  is  there  we  must 
weigh  our  present  pursuits  and  our  beloved  idols,  if  we  would 
know  their  value  and  their  vanity. 

'  When  we  are  in  the  hustle  of  the  world,  the  awful  judg- 
ments of  God  are  heard  without  attention  :  but  when  we  are  led 
into  the  sanctuary,  and  there  hear  His  "still  small  voice,"  ex- 
plaining his  judgments,  then  His  voice  is  heard  to  purpose, 
"  Then°understood  I  their  end,  how  thou  didst  set  them  in  slip- 
pery places." 


CHAP.  III.— FRoi^r  A.  D.  1790  TO  1706.      105 

*  How  is  it  that  men  pursue  human  science?  they  retire  from 
noise  and  whatever  would  distract  their  attention.  Reliirion  is 
a  holy  science,  which  deserves  and  calls  for,  all  our  Tabour 
and  assiduity  ;  and  if  we  tind  it  "  painful,"  it  is  because  of 
our  ignorance  and  infirmity  ;  and  because  we  have  not  learned 
the  first  rudiments.  But  there  is  no  cause  for  discourage, 
ment  ;  God  offers  us  his  Holy  Spirit ;  offers  us  his  help  to  en- 
able  us  both  to  learn  and  understand  the  lessons  of  his  sanc- 
tuary. 

-The  true  Christain  wants  no  new  thing  :  but  he  wants  in 
his  heart  and  niind  to  comprehend  the  love  of  God.  He  wants 
to  have  the  influence  of  the  world  lessened,  and  the  thinn-s  of 
eternity  brought  forward.  "^ 

'  Where  is  tile  man  who  is  not  perpetually  inclined  to  judge 
by  appearances?  "1  saw  the  ungodly  in  such  prosperity!" 
Elijah  must  be  led  into  the  Mount,  (see  1  Kings  xix.)  and  the 
Psalmist  into  the  sanctuary,  to  understand  wha°  they  met  with 
in  the  world. 

'  It  is  one  use  of  the  ordinances  of  God  to  assist  the  spiritual 
worshipper  to  discern  all  things  aright;  to  rectify  the  mind  ; 
and  when  the  heart  would  ask,  "  Is  not  this  desirable?"  a  man 
must  go  into  the  sanctuary  before  he  makes  an  answer,  or  else 
he  wdi  answer  like  a/ooZ.  "  So  foolish  was  I,  and  ignorant: 
I  was  as  a  beast  before  thee." 

'  A  man  may  feel  as  a  philosopher,  the  vanity  of  passing 
thmgs  ;  but  they  never  appear  so  strongly  as  when  contrast^ 
ed  with  spiritual:  nor  will  he  ever  give  them  up  with  all  his 
heart,  and  wander  about  "  in  sheep-skins  and  goat  skins ;  be- 
mg  destitute,  afflicted,  tormented;"  till  he  enters  into  the  sanc- 
tuary, and  sees  the  King  in  his  beauty.  Then  his  idols  will 
be  given  to  the  moles  and  to  the  bals  ;  for  he  has  beheld  a  light 
which  has  outshone  all  others;  and  his  cry  is,  "O  God,  tliou 
art  my  God,  early  will  I  seek  thee.  My  soul  thirsteth  for 
thee,  to  see  thy  power  and  glory,  so  as  I  have  seen  thee  in  the 
sanctuary." 

_  '  If  we  have  seen  any  thing  in  the  glory  and  beauty  of  Christ 
in  the  present  sanctuary,  and  are  thirstinix  for  a  more  full  dis- 
covery, let  us  take  it  as  a  sure  earnest  of  obtaining  it :  for  God 
never  raises  expectations  to  disappoint  them.  Our  care  should 
be  to  keep  close  to  God,  and  to  pray  that  he  would  keep  fresh 
upon  our  minds  the  views  of  the  eternal  world.  Let  us  look 
forward  to  the  end  of  our  journey  :  we  are  travellers,  and  cannot 
expect  to  have  all  sunshine,  or  that  our  way  should  be  strewed 
with  fiowers.     But,  as  the  traveller  who  is  longing  to  get  to 


106  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

his  home,  puts  up  with  the  inconveniences  of  the  way, — know- 
ing that  he  is  only  passing  along,  so  should  a  Christian  be  un- 
dismayed by  difficulties,  knowing  he  shall  shortly  be  through 
them. 

'The  Bible  and  the  Ordinances  are  refreshments  by  the 
way  ;  in  the  use  of  which,  God  will  strengthen  and  comfort  us.' 

"  My  mind  has  been  deeply  affected  this  day.  Blessed  be 
God,  the  word  preached  has  been  attended  with  power.  O 
that  it  may  sink  deep  into  my  heart!  I  much  want  close  soul- 
searching  truths,  and  a  deeper  solemnity  of  spirit.  I  have 
lived  too  much  out  of  myself,  and  not  sufficiently  marked  the  in- 
ward motions.  I  seem  only  to  be  swimming  upon  the  surface 
of  religion;  but  I  would  fain  dive  into  its  depths.  I  have 
stood  too  much  in  the  outward  courts.  Lord  give  me  more 
abundant  entrance  into  the  Holy  of  Holies,  through  the  blood 
of  Jesus.  Let  no  cloud  intercept  the  rays  of  the  Sun  of  Right- 
eousness. Let  my  heart  be  a  tablet  for  the  finger  of  the  Holy 
Spirit  to  write  upon  ;  make  me  ever  prompt  and  ready  for  thy 
service ;  make  me  quick  to  hear  thy  voice,  so  as  to  obey,  and 
may  all  my  affections  and  actions  be  at  unity.  Make  me 
to  have  a  zeal  and  concern  for  thy  glory;  and  may  my  heart 
shrink  at  the  slightest  approach  of  sin.  May  I  be  enabled  to 
weigh  every  thing  in  the  balance  of  the  sanctuary." 

Saturdaij,  Sept.  27. — "  To-day, our  honoured  minister,  Mrs. 
Jones,  and  myself,  drove  to  Dudley.  JMay  this  dark  and  bar- 
ren town  listen  to,  and  receive  the  word  of  salvation  which  will 
be  so  faithfully  preached  to-morrow.  I  have  many  anxieties 
on  my  mind  ;  but  the  Lord  is  my  God  ;  and  why  should  I  be 
afraid?  he  can  make  crooked  things  straight." 

Sunday  28 — "  Mr.  C.  preached  at  the  Old  Church  in  the 
morning,  from  Mark  viii.  36.  '  For  what  shall  it  profit  a  man, 
if  he  shall  gain  the  whole  world,  and  lose  his  own  soul?  Or 
what  shall  a  man  give  in  exchange  for  his  soul?'  A  solemn 
and  awakening  discourse,  suited  to  the  place  and  people.  Mr. 
C.  remarked, — 

'  The  soul  is  the  master-piece  of  God's  works  ;  and  its  value 
may  be  best  estimated  by  the  price  paid  to  redeem  it;  infinite 
prospects  arc  set  before  it — "What  then  shall  it  profit  a  man 
if  he  gain  the  whole  world  and  lose  his  own  soul?" 

'  The  folly  of  a  man  does  not  consist  in  any  particular  er- 
rors  of  sentiment  or  doctrine;  he  mistakes  at  the  very  thresh- 
old ;  he  is  placing  the  world  before  heaven  ;  time  before  eter- 
nity;  neglects  his  soul  for  worldly  possessions;  pulls  down 
his  barns  and  builds  greater,  forgetting  that  his  soid  is  required 
of  him. 


CHAP.  III. FR03I  A.  D.  1790  TO  1T9C.       107 

'  If  any  one  were  to  put  a  piece  of  money  into  the  hand  of 
a  poor  creature  dro\vnin<T,  would  it  not  be  a  mockery  and  a 
cruelty  ?  Would  he  not  lift  his  dying  eyes  and  say,  Give  me 
a  hand,  and  lift  me  out  of  this  stale  of  danger;  but  as  to  giv- 
ing me  money,  it  is  only  to  mock  my  misery. 

'  The  danger  of  losing  the  soul  is  very  extensive  :  men  place 
themselves  in  such  situations  as  daily  expose  them  to  such  a 
loss.' 

*'  In  the  afternoon  I\Ir.  C.  preached  at  the  New  Church,  on 
the  conversion  of  Lydia;  from  Acts  xvi.  13 — 15.  The  fol- 
lowing were  some  of  his  remarks  on  the  passage  : — 

'  The  transactions  that  are  carried  on  between  heaven  and 
earth  make  no  figure  in  history  :  what  passes  in  the  cabinet 
draws  universal  attention,  and  makes  no  small  noise  in  the 
world  ;  but  what  God  is  doing  is  unnoticed  and  disregarded. 

*  The  heart  being  opened,  is  spoken  of  as  an  extraordinary 
case.  The  heart  of  man  is  not  always  shut  against  sober  ad- 
vice— against  moral  doctrine — against  outward  decency — or 
against  the  fashions,  customs,  and  pleasures  of  the  world  :  but 
the  Bible  informs  us,  t-hat  it  is  shut  against  God  and  his  Gos- 
pel. "  The  god  of  this  world  hath  blinded  the  eyes  of  them 
which  believe  not,  lest  the  light  of  the  glorious  Gospel  of  Christ, 
who  is  the  image  of  God,  should  shine  upon  them."  The 
heart  of  the  natural  man  is  shut  up  in  unbelief — blinded  by  pre- 
judice— deadened  by  carelessness — and  chained  by  pleasure  ; 
and  the  opening,  softening,  and  enlightening  of  such  a  heart, 
is  the  great  promise  made  to  us  in  the  Scriptures.  See  Deut. 
xxx.  6,  and  Ezek.  xi.  19.  Lydia  was  a  conscientious  charac- 
ter before  she  was  a  converted  one.  She  observed  the  Sabbath  ; 
she  used  the  means  of  grace;  she  knew  that  she  v/as  respon- 
sible ;  and  she  determines  to  join  herself  to  a  few  mean  de- 
spised people  by  the  river-side,  declaring  thereby,  however 
against  the  public  custom  it  might  be,  she  would  serve  the 
Lord  ;  and  from  a  conscientious  character,  she  became  a  con- 
verted one;  so  true  it  is,  that  "If  any  man  will  do  his  will, 
he  shall  know  of  the  doctrine." 

'  Lydia  was  not  only  a  converted  hearer,  but  an  exemplary 
professor.  She  not  only  received  the  Gospel  of  Christ,  but 
she  adorned  it  in  all  things.  "  She  attended  to  the  things  that 
were  spoken  of  Paul."  She  found  the  subject  grand,  worthy 
all  her  attention;  she  laid  up  in  her  heart  the  truths  he  pro- 
claimed ;  and  vvhat  those  truths  were,  may  be  gathered  from 
his  Epistles.  She  feels  their  excellency,  and  remains  fixed 
and  penetrated  with  them  ;  she  set  hor  public  seal  to  them  by 


108  >IE3I0IRS  OF  MRS.  IIAV/KES. 

being  baptised  into  the  same  faith,  and  was  obedient   thereto. 

'  Every  man  should  take  heed  and  look  within.  He  should 
hear  what  his  conscience  says,  on  the  great  matter  of  religion, 
nndfoUoio  it.  No  man  triflejs  with  his  conscience  but,  sooner 
or  later,  it  will  be  revenged  of  him. 

'  We  should  learn  to  look  upward  to  God  that  opens  the 
heart.  "  He  openeth  and  no  man  shutteth."  It  is  more  easy 
to  convince  man  of  his  wants  than  of  his  remedy.  Many  leel 
the  miseries  sin  has  brought  upon  them  ;  but  how  few  fiee  for 
refuge  to  the  only  hope  set  before  them! 

'  The  conversion  of  the  soul  to  God  is  only  one  continued 
proof  to  us  that  he  is  still  working  by  his  spirit  now  as  really 
as  in  the  apostles'  days.  And  it  further  shows  that  true  reli- 
gion is  the  same  to  the  end  of  the  world  ;  that  Christ  is  the 
same  yesterday,  to-day,  and  for  ever ;  that  He  is  risen  from 
the  dead,  and  that  mighty  things  are  done  through  his  name. 

'Did  Ciiristians  live  more  in  the  practice  of  "Looking  to 
Jesus;"  they  would  see  "  Satan  falling  as  lightning  from  hea- 
ven."    Jesus  Christ  has  "  the  keys  of  the  house  of  David." 

*  If  theXord  has  opened  our  hearts,  it  is  that  we  should  show 
forth  his  praise.  See  Luke  viii.  He  whose  name  was  Legion^ 
after  he  had  been  healed,  besought  Jesus  that  he  might  be  with 
him.  But  Jesus  sent  him  away,  saying,  "  Return  to  thine 
house,  and  shew  what  great  things  the  Lord  hath  done  unto 
thee."  Go  and  be  a  monument  of  the  grace  of  God,  and  live 
to  the  glory  of  God. 

'  We  should  look  round  for  such  witnesses  ;  and  also  con- 
sider who  is  looking  round  upon  us.  It  is  not  worth  while  to 
inquire  what  ignorant,  malicious,  people  may  have  to  say  of  us 
while  we  are  serving  the  Lord:  but  to  serious  enquirers,  we 
should  be  careful  to  show  our  faith,  our  love,  our  obedience.' 

"In  the  evening  we  remained  at  home;  the  family  assem- 
bled, and  Mr.  C.  expounded  the  25th  chapter  of  St.  Matthew." 

Friday  Oct.  3 "  Spent  the  day  at  Sutton,  at  the  Rev.  Mr. 

Riland's.  Much  benefited  and  delighted  by  the  heavenly  con- 
versation of  the  venerable  Mr.  Newion.  He  read  and  com- 
mented on  a  passage  in  the  New  Testament.  He  remarked, 
'  There  are  proper  seasons  when,  like  David,  we  may  say  to 
those  who  fear  God,  "  Come,  and  1  will  tell  you  what  he  hath 
done  for  my  soul :"  but  we  should  be  wise  and  prudent  in  these 
things.  When  our  Lord  was  in  the  Mount  with  his  disciples, 
he  charged  them,  when  they  came  down,  to  "  tell  no  man." 
It  might  have  excited  envy  in  the  rest  of  the  disciples,  and  pride 
in  them.     The  apostle  Paul  had  astonishing  visions  :  but  not 


CHAP.  Ill FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.       109 

a  word  did  he  speak,  till  fourteen  years  after,  when  the  Corin- 
thians  undervalued  him,  and  obliged  him  to  speak  of  them  : 
He  says  much  to  prove  that  he  did  it,  even  then,  with  reluc- 
tance. We  should  therefore  be  cautious,  when  we  think  that 
God  has  dealt  with  us  in  an  extraordinary  manner,  how  we 
speak.  "Elizabeth  hid  herself  five  months;"  i.  e.  retired, 
which  was  a  token  of  humility;  yet  the  favour  she  had  re' 
ceived  was  sufficiently  known,  in  proper  time,  to  the  glory  of 
God.  Present  impressions  of  divine  love  are  certainly  hum- 
bling. But  the  direct  tendency  of  gracious  consolations  in 
themselves  is  one  thing  ;  what  evils  they  may  afterwards  occa- 
sion in  the  heart,  is  another.  The  apostle's  exaltation  to  the 
third  heavens  could  surely  have  no  tendency  to  make  him 
proud  ;  but  rather  to  make  him  walk  in  greater  self  abasement. 
Yet  he  needed  a  tiiorn  in  the  flesh.  Pride  is  so  subtle,  that  it 
can  gather  strength  even  from  those  gracious  manifestations 
which  seem  directly  calculated  to  mortify  it.' 

"Another  remark  made  by  Mr.  Newton  was  :—«  Satan  is 
fertile  in  expedients  ;  and  as  often  as  our  situations  and  circum- 
stances change,  so  often  will  he  change  his  strata^rems  and 
methods  of  assault.  Thus  the  Christian  has  the  art ''of  war  to 
learn  over  and  over  again  ;  and  he  will  meet  with  cases  in 
which  all  his  former  experiences  will  leave  him  much  at  a 
■loss.' " 

Saturday.  Among  other  subjects,  Mr.  C.  spoke  upon  the 
obscurity  of  Heb.  iv.     He  remarked— 

'  The  apostle  is  labouring,  throughout  the  whole  Epistle  to 
the  Flebrews,  to  bring  off  the  Jews  from  carnal  to  spiritual 
views.  He  here  speaks  of  three  sorts  of  Rest.  One,  which 
commenced  on  the  finishing  of  the  works  of  creation,  called 
the  sabbatical  rest,  verses  3,  4.  Another,  which  was  proposed 
to  Israel  in  the  wilderness,  to  be  enjoyed  in  the  Land  of  Ca- 
naan, verse  5.  And  a  third,  which,  after  both  those  rests,  was 
to  be  enjoyed  in  the  gospel  state,  and  heavenly  world,  verses 
6  to  11.  By  comparing  what  the  Scripture  savs  of  all  these 
rests,  It  appears,  that  the  rest  which  believers  obtain  here 
through  faith,  is  the  earnest  of  a  future,  glorious,  and  eternal 
rest  in  heaven.' 

"  On  another  occasion  Mr.  C.  said  :— 

*  When  the  multitudes  followed  our  Lord,  although  he  wished 
for  retirement,  and  had  gone  purposely  to  seek  it,  yet  upon 
their  desire  for  instruction,  he  gave  up  his  purpose  and  attend- 
ed to  them.  Let  us  reflect  on  the  sweetness  and  condescension 
of  such  a  conduct,  in  opposition  to  a  sour,  monastic,  morose 
10 


110  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

professor.  We  are  all  too  fond  of  our  own  will.  We  want 
to  be  doing  what  we  fancy  to  be  great  things.  But  the  matter 
is,  to  do  small  things  in  a  right  spirit.  Let  us  see  every  thing 
that  passes  as  coming  from  God.' " 

Wednesday,  Oct.  8. — "  Went  to  West  Bromwich  to  visit 
that  aged  Christian  minister,  the  Reverend  Mr.  Jesse. 

"In  the  evening  he  spoke  upon  Isaiah  xl.  31.  'But  they 
that  wait  upon  the  Lord  shall  renew  their  strength  ;  they  shall 
mount  up  with  wings  as  eagles  ;  they  shall  run  and  not  be 
weary  ;  and  they  shall  walk  and  not  faint.' 

"  Mr.  .Tesse  remarked,  '  It  is  this  gracious  influence,  which 
renews,  in  my  old  age,  much  of  that  Holy  zeal  and  fervour, 
which  directed  my  steps  when  I  first  walked  with  God  in  the 
days  of  my  youth.  In  this  sense,  I  may  say,  he  maketh  me 
young  and  lusty  as  eagles  ;  who  in  old  age  cast  their  feathers, 
and  become  bald  like  young  ones  ;  and  then  new  feathers  grow, 
and  cover  them  with  plumage,  as  in  their  youth  :  then  they 
spread  their  wings,  and  mount  up  on  high;  and  are  so  strong 
in  their  sight,  that  they  can  fix  their  eyes  on  the  full  splendour 
of  the  sun. 

'  Thus  sincere  Christians,  who  once  were  bowed  down  with 
earthly  desires  and  cares,  oppressed  with  unbelief,  and  doubts, 
and  fears,  renew  their  strength  and  hope  in  God.  in  old  age 
their  souls  are  vigorous,  and  their  affections  mount  upward  to 
things  above:  ihey  fix  their  believing  eye  on  Christ,  and  con- 
template the  glory  of  the  Sun  of  Righteousness.' " 

Sunday  Oct.  12. — "  Mr.  C.  preached  at  West  Bromwich, 
from  John  vi.  68.  'Lord,  to  whom  shall  we  go?  thou  hast 
the  words  of  eternal  life.' 

'"''Afternoon,  from  Ps.  cxlix.  4. — 'Thou  shalt  beautify  the 
meek  with  salvation.'  " 

Wednesday  Oct.  15. — "Returned  to  Birmingham.  In  the 
evening,  Mr.  C.  preached  at  St.  Mary's  from  Ps.  Ixxxv.  6. 
'  Wilt  thou  not  revive  us  again,  that  thy  people  may  rejoice  in 
thee?' 

*  A  spiritual  revival  will  be  the  object  and  prayer  of  every 
gracious  man's  heart,  under  a  sense  of  a  spiritual  decay. 

'  A  true  Christian,  under  a  sense  of  spiritual  decay,  will  not 
be  running  to  the  creature  for  happiness.  He  knows  that  all 
his  fresh  springs  are  in  God.  "I  will  ])our  water  upon  him 
that  is  thirsty,  and  floods  upon  the  dry  ground,"  isa.  xliv.  3., 
and  this  water  is  conveyed  through  the  golden  pipes  of  the  or- 
dinances, and  frequently  through  afflictions  and  trials. 

♦There  is  a  continual  propensity  in  us  to  turn   away  from 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.       Ill 

God.  When  there  begins  to  be  a  revival,  there  will  be  a  turn- 
ing to  God.  Then  a  man  begins  to  find  out  idols  he  did  not 
belbre  observe;  and  sees  what  it  is  that  secretly  steals  his 
heart  and  aficclions  from  God. 

'  People  in  general  are  apt  fo  affix  gross  ideas  to  idolatry. 
If  a  man  goes  to  China,  he  is  astonished  at  the  horrid  and  ab- 
surd things  that  are  the  objects  of  their  worship  :  he  is  not 
aware  that  his  own  idol  is  his  cargo  : — but  when  God  speaks 
to  the  heart  and  conscience,  he  must  be  heard  ;  and  he  says 
to  the  merchant,  to  the  miser,  to  the  man  of  pleasure — and  of 
business  too,  "  you  are  turning  from  the  fountain  of  living  wa- 
ters, to  broken  cisterns,  that  can  hold  no  water." 

<  Another  sign  of  a  revival  of  religion  in  the  heart,  is,  when 
like  Abraham,  we  not  only  follow  God  ourselves  but  endea- 
vour to  command  ourh  ousehold  after  us.  When,  like  David, 
we  are  earnestly  desirous  to  walk  before  them  with  a' perfect 
heart.  For  a  man  to  talk  of  a  revival  because  he  has  had 
some  sudden  impression,  some  extraordinary  vision, — who  yet 
does  not  evince  it  by  his  life  and  conversation, — is  to  prove 
himself  deceived. 

<  A  true  revival  is  a  divine  operation,  and  will  produce  a  true 
fruit.  There  will  be  a  heavenly  taste,  a  hungering  and  thirst- 
ing afier  righteousness. 

*  The  ground  on  which  the  Psalmist  urges  this  revival  is,  to 
obtain  the  end  of  all  spiritual  life,  true  joy  and  peace.  Wilt 
thou  not  revive  us  again,  that  thy  people  may  rejoice  in  thee  1 

'  It  is  a  matter  of  experience,  that  when  idolatry,  unbelief,  or 
sin  of  any  kind,  enters  the  soul,  we  find  our  hearts  sink,  and 
sensible  ohjects  soon  draw  off  the  mind  from  God;  spiritual 
objects  become  strange  and  irksome :  we  try  to  feed  upon  husks, 
as  we  formerly  did  upon  the  bread  of  life  :  but  if  Christ  has 
designs  of  mercy, — if  he  seeks  his  lost  sheep, — our  cry  will 
be,  "Oh  that  it  was  with  me  as  heretofore!  oh  that  thou 
wouldst  revive  me  again  ;"  The  restless,  comfortless  state  of 
a  backslider  may  distinguish  him  from  an  apostate. 

'  If  there  is  life  in  the  soul,  there  will  be  a  holy  wrestling 
with  (xod  ;  the  language  of  such  a  heart  will  be, — ''  I  will  not 
let  thee  go  except  thou  bless  me;"  I  dare  not  let  thee  go  ;  if  I 
can  do  nothing  but  mourn,  I  will  mourn  till  thou  comfort  me. 
Such  a  secret  struggle,  is  a  more  noble  sight  before  God  and 
Angels,  than  all  that  has  ever  been  celebrated  among  men. 

'  A  Christian  should  learn  the  necessity  of  abounding  in  duty, 
as  well  as  that  he  should  desire  holy  comfort.  Like  Habak- 
kuk  he  should  say,  "  I  will  stand  upon  my  watch,  and  set  me 


112  MEMOIRS    OF    3IRS.   HAAVKES. 

upon  the  tower,  and  will  watch  to  see  what  He  will  say  unto 
me,  and  what  I  shall  answer  when  1  am  reproved." 

'In  dry  seasons,  we  should  pray  for  sjjiritual  showers;  and 
we  should  try  to  discover  what  keeps  back  those  showers.  If, 
like  Achan,  we  have  secreted  the  accursed  thing,  it  must  be 
searched  out ;  and  we  should  say,  "  if  I  have  not  grace  to 
pluck  out  a  right  eye.  Lord,  pluck  it  out  for  me."  Satan  will 
tell  us  there  is  no  danger  of  perishing  for  want  of  rain ;  that 
if  we  hold  the  truth,  there  is  no  danger  of  decay.  But  what 
will  the  form  of  godliness  avail  without  the  power  1  Let  us 
therefore  plead  with  God  for  reviving  grace;  and  let  us  remem- 
ber that  the  ordinances  we  have  had  to-day,  will  not  serve  for 
to-morrow  ;  we  must  have  fresh  supplies  of  the  living  bread, 
or  our  souls  will  assuredly  droop  and  wither. 

*  VV^e  should  honour  God  in  believing,  that  while  we  are 
praying  for  a  revival,  he  will  send  it  in  all  cases.  O  that  we 
had  faith  to  behold  Christ  standing  with  the  keys  of  death  and 
hell,  ready  not  only  to  put  a  stop  to  the  water  floods  of  sin 
and  wickedness, — but  also  to  "  revive  the  heart  of  the  contrite 
ones." 

"  That  my  people  may  rejoice  in  thee."  *  He  that  says  re- 
ligion is  a  dull  and  gloomy  thing,  is  a  stranger  to  it :  for  it  is 
a  scheme  of  unbounded  joy  and  happiness.  There  is  a  defect 
in  all  other  joy,  in  that  it  has  an  end  :  but  the  Christian's  joy 
shall  be  heightening  to  all  eternity.'  " 

I\lrs.  Ilawkes  records  the  texts  of  several  other  sermons 
preached  at  Birmingham  by  Mr.  Cecil.  His  last  sermon  be- 
fore leaving  that  town,  was  preached  on  Wednesday,  October 
22,  from  Acts  viii.  39, — "  And  he  went  on  his  way  rejoicing;" 
— a  discourse  which  excited  much  interest  at  the  time,  and 
which  still  lives  in  the  memories  of  many  who  heard  it. 

Passing  over  the  remaining  memorandums  in  Mrs.  Hawkes's 
diary,  we  come  at  once  to  that  with  which  she  closes  the  year 
1794. 

Holloway,  Dec.  31,  1794. — "The  Lord  mercifully  allows 
me  to  close  this  year  in  much  peace.  Were  I  to  recount  all 
the  mercies  and  benefits  I  have  received  this  year,  or  to  enu- 
merate the  sins  and  follies  which  1  have  committed  against  his 
great  goodness,  it  would  fill  a  volume.  The  Lord  hath  dealt 
bountifully  with  me;  but  I  have  dealt  shamefully  with  him. 
Among  the  blackest  of  my  transgressions  is  ingratitude  for  in- 
numerable mercies.  Oh,  how  great  is  his  goodness,  and  his 
mercies  past  finding  out!  1  would  desire,  O  Lord,  to  close 
this  year  with  thee.     I  magnify  thy  past  goodness,  and  I  be- 


CHAP.  III.—FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.       113 

wail  my  past  transgressions.  I  adore  thy  long-sufTerina  arace 
and  I  abhor  my  vile  ingratitude.  Oh  let  this  rolh'no-  yea?  bear 
away  all  my  follies,  and  let  them  be  blotted  out  of  tliy  remem- 
brance forever!  1  come  now  to  seek  a  fresh  application  of 
'  the  blood  of  sprinkling,'  that  no  spot  may  remain  upon  my 
soul,  but  that  I  may  stand  accepted  in  thy  sight,  throucrh  Jesus 
Christ  my  great  Advocate.  I  have  no  other ''hope ;  uov  need  1 
any  other,  this  being  sure  and  steadfast,—'  the  blood  of  Jesus 
e  hrist  cleanseth  from  all  sin.'  Therefore  I  can  lie  down  this 
night  in  peace,  even  while  deeply  sensible  of  innumerable  faults 
and  transgressions.  But  speak  it  again,  O  Holy  Spirit,  to  my 
heart. and  conscience,  '  The  blood  of  Jesus  Christ  cleanseth 
trom  all  sin.'     Amen,  Amen." 

Jan.  1,  1795 — "I  have  been  occupied  this  mornincr  in  re- 
flections upon  the  new  year.  I  look  back  on  the  past  with 
pain,  on  account  of  my  ingratitude;  and  can  do  little  more 
than  groan  or  weep,  and  repeat,  '  God  be  merciful  to  me  a  sin- 
ner.  When  I  review  the  years  of  my  past  life,  I  see  every 
leaf  not  only  blotted,  but  one  whole  stain.  I  should  have  no 
hope  but  for  the  sacrifice  of  my  great  High  Priest,  whose  blood 
cleanseth  from  all  sin.  He  alone,  who  '  came  by  water  and 
by  blood,'  can  atone  for  my  daily  infirmities.  In  this  I  have 
strong  consolation  ;  and  when  faith  is  in  lively  exercise,  thou<rh 
the  road  be  ever  so  rough,  I  can  say,  '  None  of  these  thin^'as 
move  me  : '  my  Saviour  has  charged  me  to  leave  all  events  ?o 
him,  and  has  said,  '  Take  no  thought  of  the  morrow.'  He 
graciously  gives  me  even  in  this  world,  a  portion  of  rest  by 
faith,  by  which  I  am  enabled  to  enter  upon  some  foretastes  of 
future  glory.  And  now  O  Lord,  I  desire  to  give  myself  up 
into  thy  good  hands  this  new  year.  *  My  soul  hangeth  upon 
thee.  '  Thy  mercy,  O  Lord,  endureth  forever,  forsake  not 
the  work  of  thme  own  hands.'  " 

Sundaij^Jan.  4.—"  Heard  Mr.  C.  on  Ps.  xxxix.  12,  13 
*  I  am  a  stranger  with  thee,  and  a  sojourner,  as  all  my  fathers 
were.  O  spare  me,  that  1  may  recover  strength,  before  I  (-o 
hence,  and  be  no  more.'  "^ 

I.  '  Let  us  take  the  text  as  a  form  of  prayer  for  the  new 
year  ;  and  like  the  Psalmist,  review  our  past  transgressions." 
"  Deliver  me  from  all  my  transgressions."  However  a  gay 
and  a  giddy  world  may  try  to  banish  thought,  let  us  be  w^se, 
and  set  ourselves  seriously  to  think. 

"'  I  am  a  stranger  and  a  sojourner  ;"  not  unacquainted  with 
my  best  friend  ;  I  have  whereon  to  lean  ;  I  can  rest  on  a  cove- 
nant  God  m  Christ,  who  is  able  to  bring  me  to  a  '« city  which 
10* 


114  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  IIAWKES. 

hath  foundations."  If  God  takes  us  into  his  school,  He  will 
teach  us  to  cultivate  consideration.  He  will  teach  us  to  form 
a  right  estimate  of  human  life.  He  will  make  us  feel  we  are 
strangers  and  sojourners  upon  earth. 

«  We  say,  here  is  a  new  year :  so  our  forefathers  said  year 
after  year.  And  where  are  they? — where  we  shortly  shall 
follow  them.  But  while  the  fact  is  undeniable,  how  do  we  im- 
prove it?  Is  our  conversation,  our  citizenship  in  heaven? 
Are  we  dying  daily  1  Are  we  securing  the  riches  of  immor- 
tality ?     Are  we  redeeming  the  time? 

II.  Consider  what  is  the  refuge  of  a  dying  creature : — bow- 
ing down  before  the  throne  of  grace. 

' "  Spare  me  that  I  may  recover  strength."  This  is  a  common 
cry  on  a  sick  bed, — Oh  that  I  could  live  a  little  longer  to 
amend  my  life.  But  without  grace  a  man  soon  forgets  his 
sick-bed  cries  and  resolutions.  The  strength  which  the  Psalm- 
ist prays  for  is  spiritual.  (See  Col.  i.  10,  11.)  He  wanted  to 
obtain  a  more  comfortable  evidence  of  God's  favour,  and  to  be 
enabled  to  live  more  to  his  glory. 

'  Spiritual  strength  can  only  be  recovered  by  fresh  applica- 
tion to  the  living  fountain.  Keep  on  your  minds  the  necessity 
of  applying  for  strength  to  go  through  the  new  year  as  be- 
cometh  Christians.  Before  another  new  year's  day,  we  may 
be  dead.  The  next  stage  will  be  all  amazing  and  eternal;  let 
us  therefore  "  work  out  our  salvation  with  fear  and  trembling." 

«  Oh  that  all  who  have  had  recourse  to  desperate  methods, 
(and  all  wrong  methods  are  desperate,)  would  recollect  that  the 
deepest  afflictions  are  God's  school  for  leading  us  to  heart 
prayer.  Whoever  can  cry,  like  David,  "  Hide  not  thy  face 
from  me,"  shall  never  be  without  a  friend. 

'  Is  there  any  man  who  desires  to  learn  what  God  is?  Let 
him  come,  like  David,  as  a  lost  creature — as  broken  hearted 
— as  a  criminal  ;— acknowledging,  '•  I  have  sinned,"  I  have 
wasted  my  talents,  "O  spare  me." 

'  How  justly  may  we  take  up  this  language  on  a  review  of 
the  past  year.  How  have  we  wasted  our  time,  and  perverted 
our  talents;  how  anxious  have  we  been  about  trifles!  were 
our  cares  and  anxieties,  through  the  past  year,  to  be  written 
in  a  book,  how  should  we  blush  to  read  them. 

'"  O  spare  me." — If  thou  art  not  my  friend,  I  have  no 
friend.  1  am  not  only  a  stranger,  but  Thy  stranger;  on  my 
way  to  Thee.  There  are  many  who  are  strangers  to  God  : 
but  they  cannot  say,  "  I  am  a  stranger  with  thee." 

'  Let  us  learn  to  bow  down  before  God.     If  ever  we  rise  to 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.       115 

Him,  we  must  first  be  brought  down  in  heart.  Let  us  this 
day  approach  with  humility  the  table  of  the  Lord.  While 
pride  and  ignorance  are  in  the  world,  there  will  ever  be  a  dis- 
pute whether  we  shall  go  to  the  Lord's  table  like  the  Pharisee 
or  the  Publican.'" 

Mrs.  Hawkes  had  scarcely  entered  upon  the  year  1795, 
when  it  pleased  God  to  visit  her  with  an  attack  of  illness,  by 
which  she  was  confined  nearly  two  months.  Her  diary 
through  this  year  and  the  next  year,  (which  was  her  last  at 
Holloway,)  is  scanty,  and  mostly  written  in  obscure  short 
hand.  The  pages  are  chiefly  filled  with  extracts  from  Mr. 
Cecil's  sermons.  The  spirit  of  humiliiy  and  self-abasement 
which  is  breathed  in  the  few  memorandums  which  are  legible, 
evince  the  progress  of  a  deep  work  of  grace  in  her  heart.  Dis- 
coveries of  the  Divine  glory  had  produced  the  same  efi^ects 
upon  her  mind  as  upon  the  saints  of  old  ;  and  with  Job  she 
cried  out,  "  Behold  I  am  vile,"— with  Isaiah,  «  Woe  is  me, 
for  I  am  undone ;  because  I  am  a  man  of  unclean  lips ;  for 
mine  eyes  have  seen  the  king,  the  Lord  of  Hosts."  Isaiah  vi. 
5.  This  deep  contrition  is  manifested  by  the  next  extract,  and 
in  the  letter  which  follows  it. 

Feb.  1795 — "I  find  it  a  solemn  and  awful  thing  to  be  a 
Christian.  It  is  indeed  a  Jiohj  calling.  God  will  at  times 
cause  his  candle  to  emit  a  clearer  light  in  the  dark  recesses 
of  the  heart;  and  there  discover,  and  drag  out,  every  lurking 
and  retiring  evil ,  nor  will  he  sufier  any  plea,  though  we  may 
say,—' Is  it  not  a  little  one?' 

"  The  secret  business  between  the  soul  and  God,  when  He 
shows  himself  as  a  holy  and  Jealous  God,  can  never  be  de- 
scribed by  language.  It  is  no  light  matter  when  he  calls  the 
understanding,  the  will  and  the  affections,  each  to  bring  their  fa- 
vorite objects,  and  deliver  them  up  to  the  fire  that  must  either 
purify  or  consume :  but  this  he  will  do  to  every  one  that  He 
haih  formed  for  Himself  '  Every  branch  that  beareth  fruit, 
he  purgeth  it,  that  may  it  bring  forth  more  fruit.' 

"Young  Christians  know  little  of  that  requirement,  'My 
son  give  me  thine  heart.'  I  have  long  desired  to  give  mine  : 
but  grace  alone  can  enable  me.  O  let  the  sacred  fire  consume 
every  corruption  which  keeps  it  back ;  but,  O  support,  while  thou 
purifiest!  If  I  am  called  to  be  a  living  martyr,  (as  most  truly 
I  am)  bestow  the  martyr's  faith.  Let  mo  have  communion 
with  thee,  and  then  I  shall  have  society  enough.  If  this  sick- 
ness  be  not  unto  death,  O  let   it  be  that  thy  Son  may  be  o-lo. 


116  3IEM0IRS  OF  MRS.  HAVVKES. 

rified  ;  and  let  me  come  out  of  it  as  gold  purified  in  the  fire !" 
In  a  letter  to  Mrs.  Jones,  Mrs.  Hawkes  writes  : — 
"  I  have  had  much  inward  conflict  lately,  so  as  to  know  em- 
phatically what  it  was  to  '  groan  being  burdened  :'  and  I  felt, 
as  I  always  do  at  such  limes,  that  I  could  gain  relief  from  no 
quarter  till  I  had  been  enabled  to  bow  my  spirt  before  God  in 
secret.  1  have  often  such  a  depth  of  abasement,  such  a  pour- 
ing out  of  my  soul,  and  hiding  my  face  in  the  earth,  as  [  can  in 
no  way  describe, — but  which  1  feel  truly  salutary  in  its  effects. 
Some  of  my  ties  to  earth  seem  loosened.  Oh  that  I  might  sit 
loose  to  all  but  God  ! 

''  I  stand  amazed  at  the  loving-kindness  of  the  Lord  in  such 
a  merciful  and  timing  of  suffering.  In  some  fainting  mo- 
ments I  have  said, — O  Father  of  mercies,  do  not  crush  a  worm: 
spare  'a  leaf  driven  to  and  fro.'  But  now,  for  the  most  part, 
he  enables  me  to  commit  myself  into  his  tender  hands,  as  the 
infant  is  committed  to  the  mother. 

"When  I  would  speak  of  the  Lord's  manifold  goodness  to 
me,  I  know  not  where  to  begin,  nor  where  to  end.  There  is 
no  telling  of  his  mercies;  they  will  furnish  a  theme  to  last 
through  all  eternity  :  for  we  shall  then  see  how  ihey  were  inclu- 
ded and  interwoven  in  the  '  everlasting  covenant,  ordered  in  all 
things  and  sure.'  That  blessed  covenant,  made  to  us  in  Christ 
Jesus,  is,  I  am  thankful  to  say,  opening  to  my  soul  every  day, 
with  increasing  splendour  and  interest,  I  am  sometimes  almost 
overpowered  by  the  shiningr  of  some  brighter  ray,  and  some 
more  penetrating  beam  of  heavenly  light,  that  strikes  me  to 
the  earth  in  self-abhorrence,  and  speechless  adoration  of  re- 
deeming grace  and  love:  and  especially  when  I  consider 
that  this  mercy  is  vouchsafed  to  so  vile  a  being,  who  deserves 
nothing  but  to  be  shut  out  of  his  presence  forever,  instead  of 
having  the  gift  of  a  hope  full  of  immortality.  If  a  little  glimpse 
of  his  love,  which  is  all  a  feeble  faith  can  catch,  so  warms  and 
animates  the  heart,  what  must  be  our  joys  when  we  enter  a 
a  state  of  complete  effulgence  !" 

From  Mrs.  Jones  to  Mrs.  Hawkes : — 

"  Count  it  all  joy,  my  sister,  when  you  fall  into  divers  tribu- 
lations. Jesus  Christ  will  bear  you  company.  He  has  some 
secrets  to  tell  you  therein,  which  you  have  not  heard; — some- 
thing  to  show  you  in  his  immense  treasury,  that  your  hands  have 
not  handled  ;  and  he  frequently  discovers  them  in  da  rk  places,  to 
teach  his  children  wisdom; — only  the  eye  of  faith  must  be 
opened  to  receive  his  communications.     As  God  is  light,  the 


CHAP.  III.— FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.        117 

nearer  a  mortal  approaches  to  Him,  the  lower  must  he  fall 
prostrate  with  self-abasement,  and  the  more  must  he  be  pene- 
trated with  a  sense  of  the  corruption  of  his  fallen  nature.  It 
does  not  matter  how  vile  we  are  in  our  own  eyes,  if  the  sense 
of  it  does  not  betray  us  into  unbelief  and  depression  ;  whatever 
has  that  effect  should  be  resisted  steadfastly  in  the  faith;  be- 
cause we  are  sure  that  such  insinuations  proceed  from  the  en- 
emy  of  truth.  'Jesus  came  to  save  sinners,'  is  a  proper  shield 
for  his  fiery  darts.  Let  us  dive  into  the  mysteries  of  the  cross. 
It  is  a  blessed  privilege  to  enter,  in  any  degree,  into  the  holi- 
est by  the  blood  of  Jesus,  and  to  take  even  a  faint  view  of  the 
riches  there  laid  up  for  believers.  He  that  is  full  of  grace  and 
full  of  truth  will  give  exceedingly  and  abundantly  more  than 
we  can  ask  or  think.  ][ it  were  possible  for  us  to  conceive  the 
pity,  compassion,  power  and  love  of  our  great  Advocate,  un- 
belief would  fly  as  a  cloud  before  the  sun  ;  and  we  should 
come  with  confidence  as  to  a  very  and  powerful  friend,  whose 
bounty  has  no  limits  but  in  our  capacity  to  recieve  more. 
How  freely  should  we  lay  before  him  the  large  catalogue  of 
our  depravities,  under  the  view  of  that  all- cleansing,  restoring 
blood,  which  formed  a  fountain  for  sin  and  unclearmess. 

"  It  is  by  faith  that  we  must  subdue  every  corrupt  principle 
in  the  human  heart  :  we  need  not  be  cast  down  because  we 
find  evils  within  ;  but  rather  be  thereby  the  more  roused  to 
prayer  and  watchfulness.  We  are  the  temples  of  the  Holy 
Ghost,  and  the  old  inhabitants  of  the  heart  must  be  cast  out': 
a  stronger  than  the  'strong  man  armed  '  has  taken  possession, 
and  will  get  himself  the  victory :  for  Christ  says,  '  We  will 
come  and  make  our  abode.'  'We  need  no  more  say,  '  Who 
shall  ascend  into  heaven,  or  who  shall  descend  into  the  deep 
to  find  Christ,  for  he  is  nigh  thee,  even  in  thy  heart.'  "  Let 
us  pray  for  each  other,  that  the  Lord  may  increase  our  faith 
to  take  of  the  waters  of  life  freely— waters  that  heal  all  dis- 
eases, and  restore  to  perfect  soundness," 

The  reader  cannot  but  be  struck  with  the  Christian  cheer- 
fulness, as  well  as  the  devotedness  of  spirit,  which  appears  in 
Mrs.  Jones's  letters;  so  calculated  to  encourage  and  support 
the  more  tender  spirit  of  her  sister,  in  an  earlier  stage  of  expe- 
nence.  Mrs.  Hawkes  was  indeed  "  growing  as  the  palm  tree," 
though  under  the  pressure  of  various  weiglits ;— and  it  seems 
that  at  this  period  she  was  led  to  take  more  deep  and  painful  view 
of  the  evils  of  her  own  heart.  She  was  now  "  going  forth 
weeping,  bearing  precious  seed,"  but  she  came  again  "  with 
rejoicing,"  even  here :  all  who  had  the  happiness  to  know  her, 


113  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

could  testify  the  peculiar  serenity  and  cheerfulness  which 
marked  all  her  latter  years, — even  while  under  the  most  severe 
pressure  of  bodily  affliction.  Yet  a  solid  joy  and  peace  in  be- 
lieving, were  never  separated  fronn  deep  self-abasement  and 
humiliation  before  God,  which  to  the  latest  day,  and  even  hour, 
of  her  life,  were  the  most  obvious  features  of  her  Christian 
character.  From  the  following  short  extract  it  appears  that 
Mrs.  n.  was  still  confined  to  a  sick  chamber. 

March,  1795. — "  My  gracious  Master  shows  himself  to  me 
as  a  pitying,  sympathizing  friend,  and  as  a  compassionate  High 
Priest.  I  have  been  for  some  time  past  embracing  death,  and 
laying  my  head  on  his  cold,  but  friendly  arm.^  When  he 
really  does  come,  O  may  I  be  no  more  affrighted  at  his  ap- 
proach, than  I  am  in  the  present  contemplation  and  expecta- 
tion of  him  :  but  may  I  meet  him  as  an  old  familiar  acqaint- 
ance,  who  is  going  to  convey  me  to  a  better  country." 

In  a  few  weeks  after,  she  records  her  recovery  by  an  appro- 
priate text  of  Scripture,  and  a  quotation  from  the  life  of  Haly- 
BURTON.  The  verses  of  Psalm  cxxii.  which  follow,  mark  the 
joy  she  felt  when  again  enabled  to  attend  public  worship. 

Saturday,  March  28. — "  The  Lord  hath  chastened  me,  but 
he  hath  not  given  me  over  unto  death." 

'I  dare  not  say  I  am  ready  to  die;  I  dare  not  say,  I  have 
grace  or  faith  sufficient  to  carry  me  through  death  ;  1  dare  not 
say,  I  have  no  fears  of  death  ;  but  this  1  say,  there  is  grace 
enough  for  helping  me,  laid  up  in  the  promise;  there  is  a 
throne  of  grace,  to  which  in  our  straits  we  may  have  recourse. 
He  is  a  God  of  judgment,  who  has  the  disposal  of  all  grace, 
and  who  will  not  withhold  it  when  it  really  is  a  time  of  need.'  " 

Sunday,  May  17,  1795. — "  1  was  glad  when  they  said  unto 
me,  let  us  go  into  the  house  of  the  Lord.  My  feet  shall  stand 
within  thy  gates,  O  Jerusalem.  Whither  the  tribes  go  up,  the 
tribes  of  the  Lord,  unto  the  testimony  of  Israel,  to  give  thanks 
unto  the  name  of  the  Lord.  Peace  be  within  thy  walls,  and 
prosperity  within  thy  palaces." 

"  Heard  Mr,  C.  from  John  xxi.  21,  22.  'Peter  seeing  him, 
saith  to  Jesus,  Lord,  and  what  shall  this  man  do?  Jesus  saith 
unto  him.  If  I  will  that  he  tarry  till  I  come,  what  is  that  to 
thee?  follow  thou  me.' 

*The  vagrancy  of  the  human  mind  is  one  symptom  of  our 
fallen  state.  It  may  be  said  of  most  men,  their  thoughts  are, 
as  the  poet  expresses  it,  "outwards  bound."  This  vagrancy 
of  mind  fills  the  serious  man  with  sad  reflection.  H^ow,  says 
he,  have  I  spent  the  greater  part  of  my  life !     The  text  presents 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.       Il9 

a  remarkable  instance   of  this  failing  ;  and  teaches   us  that 
Christianity  resists  vain  curiosity.     We  have  here — 

I.  Reproof. 

II.  Direction. 

'  The  vain  curiosity  which  is  here  reproved  is,  First,  when  a 
man  is  disposed  to  ask  questions  rather  than  attend  to  plain 
truths.  This  is  like  one  whose  house  is  on  fire — sayino-,  I  will 
not  put  it  out  until  I  know  how  it  began.  Tell  me,  says  one, 
of  the  origin  of  evil— of  the  fall  of  angels  ;— tell  me,  says  ano- 
ther,  if  God  could  redeem  without  a  sacrifice?  The  true  wis- 
dom of  man  is  to  stop  where  God  stops  in  revelation,  and  en- 
quire no  further. 

'  It  is  a  vain  curiosity  when  a  man  would  know  events  rather 
than  his  duty.  Saul  would  go  to  a  witch  to  know  the  event, 
when  he  should  have  been  considering  his  duty.  "  Lord,  what 
shall  this  man  do]  What  is  that  to ^thee?  Follow  thou  me," 
that  is  thy  duty. 

'It  is  a  vain  curiosity  to  prefer  temporal  investigation  to 
eternal.  Experiments  may  be  made  that  will  endanger,  rather 
than  turn  to  any  use. 

« It  is  a  vain  curiosity  when  we  would  know  what  respects 
others  rather  than  ourselves. 

II.  'Attend  to  the  direction,  "  Follow  thou  me."  It  is  as  if 
our  Lord  had  said,  learn  of  me  how  to  pass  through  the  world, 
and  how  to  think  of  it.  How  many  idle  amusements  and  sin- 
ful indulgences  would  be  denied,  were  we  to  follow  Christ: 
of  almost  everything  of  a  temporal  nature  it  may  be  said, 
i'  what  is  that  to  thee."  Consider  the  time,  how  much  there 
is  to  do,  and  how  short  the  space  to  do  it  in.  Speculation  is, 
for  the  most  part,  a  waste  of  time  and  talents. 

"  Frozen  at  heart  while  speculation  shines." 

'  The  Bible  deals  very  little  in  speculative  points.  Take 
care  how  you  say,  there  is  no  harm  in  this  or  that:  there  is  a 
roaring  lion. 

'  A  prying  presumption  is  the  first  step  to  error. 

'  It  is  a  dangerous  thing  to  leave  the  high  road.  We  should 
use  much  prayer  and  caution  that  we  enter  not  into  a  bi/e-patk, 
which  is  known  by  its  being  more  easy  and  smooth,  when 
perhaps  the  high  path  is  painful  and  rough.  "  Follow  thou 
me,"  is  the  only  way  of  safety.  Where  did  the  beloved  disci- 
ple find  rest?     On  the  bosom  of  his  Master. 

'  The  footsteps  of  Christ  are  the  authentic  way-marks  to  his 
kingdom.     We  must  not  make  the  steps  of  any  man  on  earth 


120  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAVvKES. 

an  authentic  way-mark,  because  the  best  men  are  fallible. 
We  are  to  trace  Christ's  footsteps  in  his  word  :  we  are  to  be  of 
his  mind,  and  to  follow  him  in  every  imitable  perfection  ;  such 
as  his  deadness  to  the  world — His  patience — His  resignation — 
His  going  about  doing  good.'  " 

The  way  in  which  Mrs.  Hawkes  practically  followed  out 
the  spiritual  instruction  she  received,  led  to  the  formation  of 
her  religious  character.  Her  invariable  soundness  in  doctrinal 
points,  and  her  undeviating  progress  in  practical  Christianity, 
may  be  traced  to  that  diligent  use  of  means,  with  constant 
prayerful  application  for  a  divine  blessing  on  them,  which  we 
are  encouraged  to  believe  will  ever  be  attended  with  success. 
She  strikingly  manifested  that  truest  sign  of  spiritual  health,  a 
"  hungering  and  thirsting  after  righteousness,"  which  made 
her  humbly  and  teachably  listen  to  Christ's  voice,  both  in  his 
written  word  and  appointed  ordinances.  Most  of  her  private 
memorandums  indicate  either  the  disposition  of  Mary  sitting  at 
Christ's  feet  as  an  attentive  learner; — or  they  exemplify  the 
character  of  which  God  has  said,  "  To  this  man  will  I  look, 
even  to  him  that  is  poor,  and  of  a  contrite  spirit,  and  trembleth 
at  my  word,"  Isa.  Ixvi.  2.  The  following  extract  will  be 
found  of  the  latter  description. 

May  23,  1795. — "  My  heart  and  flesh  trembleth  for  fear  of 
thee  !  O  remember  that  I  am  but  dust  ;  that  I  am  a  poor 
bruised  reed  ;  bruised  with  sin  and  corruption,  and  a  fallen  na- 
ture ;  bruised  with  the  malice  and  wiles  of  the  devil  ;  bruised 
by  inward  fears,  and  afflictive  dispensations.  '  Remember  thy 
word  unto  thy  servant,  whereon  thou  hast  caused  me  to  trust :' 
— •  I  will  not  break  the  bruised  reed.'  In  mercy  blot  out  all 
my  past  transgressions,  and  remember  mine  iniquities  no  more. 
O  strengthen  me  with  strengh  in  my  soul,  to  fight  the  good  fight 
of  faith,  and  to  lay  hold  on  eternal  life." 

The  following  memorandums  mark  the  close  of  the  year 
1795,  and  the  beginning  of  the  next  : — 

Christmas  Bay,  1795. — "  I  desire  to  fix  my  eye  on  the  glo- 
rious object  which  at  this  season  is  presented  to  my  view.  I 
would  gaze  till  I  learn  how  lost  1  am,  and  to  what  depths  of 
misery  I  am  fallen.  By  the  help  of  the  gracious  Spirit,  1  am 
enabled  to  take  a  faint  glimpse  of  this  adorable  Saviour;  and 
would  join  my  voice  with  the  heavenly  host,  in  singing,  'Glory 
to  God  in  the  highest,  and  on  earth  peace,  good-will  to  man.' 
Welcome,  thou  Sun  of  Righteousness  I  Without  thee  what  a 
dreary  world  had  this  been  to  millions  !  The  very  sun  had 
been  darkness  to  us,  could  we  not  have  seen  in  its  beams  the 


CHAT.  III. FRO:»I  A.  D.  1790  TO  1796.       121 

tefleclion  of  thy  glory  !  Welcome  to  my  ears,  any  glad  tid- 
ings of  thee  I  and  thrice  welcome  be  thou  this  day  to  my  un- 
worthy heart." 

Friday,  Jan.  1,  1790. — "Floods  of  tears  run  down  mine 
eyes  upon  the  review  I  have  taken  of  my  last  year's  spiritual 
walk  and  converse.  O  Lord,  righteousness  belongeth  unto 
Thee,  but  unto  me  confusion  of  face,  as  at  this  day  !  "'  O  Lord, 
hear,  O  Lord,  forgive  ;  O  Lord  harken  and  do,  defer  not, 
for  thine  own  sake,  O  my  God,  to  help  me.'  I  know  not  what 
to  do  with  my  numerous  host  of  enemies  within,  and  infirmi- 
ties on  every  side;  but  mine  eyes  are  upon  thee,  for  help  to 
begin,  and  go  on,  through  this  new  year,  fighting  against  the 
world,  the  flesh  and  the  devil — from  whence  proceed  all  my  sor- 
rows. Enable  me  to  endure  hardness  as  a  good  soldier  of  Je- 
sus Christ;  for  I  have  much  to  suffer.  Satan  would  have  me, 
not  only  to  sift  me  as  wheat,  but  to  grind  me  to  powder:  but 

0  suflTer  not  my  faith  to  fail.  '  Out  of  the  depths  have  I  cried 
unto  thee,  O  Lord  ; — Lord,  hear  my  voice:  let  thine  ears  be 
attentive  to  the  voice  of  my  supplications." 

Mrs.  Hawkes's  diary  next  presents  the  notes  of  a  sermon, 
preached  at  the  opening  of  the  year.  We  may  consider  this, 
like  many  other  notices  of  the  kind,  less  in  the  light  of  a  ser- 
mon, than  as  a  specimen  of  the  manner  in  which  Mrs.  H.  trea- 
sured up  spiritual  instruction,  and  appropriated  it  to  her  own 
use. 

Sunday,  Jan.  3,  179G.— "  Heard  Mr.  C.  from  Job.  xiv.  14. 
*  All  the  days  of  my  appointed  time  will  I  wait  till  my  change 
come.' 

'A  Christian  is  a  soldier,  and  as  such,  he  is  preparing  and 
waiting  for  the  battle;  and  he  says,  All  the  days  of  my  ap- 
pointed warfare,  all  the  days  I  have  to  svfer,  and  to  act,  will 

1  wait  till  my  change  come.  I  have  much  to  endure,  much  to 
perform,  but  as  a  faithful  soldier,  I  am  determined  to  keep  my 
ground,  to  fulfil  my  place,  to  maintain  the  combat,  till  it  be 
said  to  me,  "  Come  up  higher." 

"  It  IS  the  scripture  only  which  gives  us  the  true  account  of 
the  change — the  great  event — which  Job,  and  every  real  Chris- 
tian, determines  to  wait  for.  And  it  also  describes  the  proper 
position  in  which  he  who  thus  wails,  should  be  found  :  which 
is  a  state  of  mind  the  reverse  of  indifference,  of  carelessness,  of 
presumption  or  of  security.  But,  as  though  the  Christian 
should  say,  I  will  wait  like  one  who  has  every  thing  at  stake; 
like  a  soldier  in  an  enemy's  country,  and  surrounded  by  ene- 
mies on  every  side ;  like  one  who  has  to  fight  not  only  with 
11 


122  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

flesh  and  blood,  but  "  against  principalities  and  powers ;"  and 
thus  beset  with  dangers,  I  will  stand,  simply  depending  upon 
a  God,  who  is  able  to  do  more  for  me  than  1  can  either  ask  or 
think. 

'  The  true  Christian  not  only  waits  for  his  change,  and  is 
careful  to  wait  for  it  in  a  proper  position,  but  he  also  looks  for 
it  in  its  "  appointed  time."  It  is  not  enough  that  a  soldier  has 
fought  several  battles : — that  he  has  played  the  man  on  this  or 
that  occasion; — but  he  must  continue  the  combat  till  he  re- 
ceives his  dismission,  till  the  battle  is  over.  No  man  has  a 
right  under  any  pretence,  to  forsake  his  post ;  and  if  any  one 
should  be  inclined  to  do  so,  he  should  meet  it  as  a  temptation, 
and  pray  to  be  delivered  therefrom. 

*  When  the  appointed  time  is  come,  blessed  is  that  man  who 
can  say  with  the  apostle,  "  I  have  fought  a  good  fight,  I  have 
finished  my  course,  I  have  kept  the  faith,"  the  toil  is  over,  and 
I  have  been  satisfied  with  the  toil  ;  if  by  any  means  I  have 
been  enabled  to  work  for  God. 

'  It  is  the  Christian  only  that  really  despises  the  world. 
Others  may  pretend  to  do  it,  but  he  has  the  secret ;  for  the  ta- 
per is  only  divested  of  its  lustre  by  the  rising  of  the  sun. 

'  We  should  willingly  keep  in  view  an  enemy  we  must  meet. 
Away  with  the  wisdom  of  the  world,  that  tries  every  expe- 
dient to  keep  death  out  of  sight ;  it  may  be  called  presumption, 
or  vanity,  but  not  wisdom  ;  for  what  is  life  but  the  "  flower  of 
the  grass ;"  as  the  dream  of  the  night ;  and  what  is  the  en- 
deavour to  banish  enternity  from  the  mind,  but  the  desire  to 
have  a  pleasant  dream  for  a  night. 

'  We  must  never  attempt  to  meet  death  with  any  arms  or  ar- 
mour except  such  as  will  secure  our  victory.  Ignorance,  in- 
consideration,  and  presumption  form  no  armour  ;  nor  is  a  state 
of  levity  any  security;  still  worse  than  all  is  a  false  religion. 
Forms  and  notions  will  not  do  for  arms;  but  that  life  which 
unites  us  to  the  Son  of  God.  If  we  credit  him  who  alone  is 
worthy  of  our  unlimited  confidence,  we  shall  even  now  say, 
*'  Death  is  swallowed  up  in  victory."  Let  us  therefore  wait 
all  the  days  of  our  appointed  time  as  "  jirisoners  of  hope." 

Tuesday,  March  1,  17 90. — "  It  is  said  that  the  nightingale 
leans  its  breast  against  a  thorn  while  it  sings.  I  would  fain 
sing,  and  remember  my  many  comforts.  If  there  were  no 
thorn,  I  should  perhaps  fall  asleep,  and  become  a  dead,  care- 
less professor,  and  finally  lose  my  way.  Why  should  I  weep 
and  wring  my  hands  at  its  piercings,  which  are  only  sent  for 
my  safety.     Nature  cries,  it  is  hard,  it  is  painful  ;  but  grace 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.   D.  1790  to  1796.       123 

says,  all  these  things  are  in  the  order  of  a  wise  and  gracious 
providence,  which  foresaw  you  could  not  be  trusted  with  hu- 
man  friendshii),  because  you  would  lean  too  much  upon  it,  and 
forget  that  this  world  is  not  your  rest.  1  will  therefore  endea- 
vour to  imitate  the  songster  of  the  night ;  I  will  rest  on  my  thorn 
and  sing, — 

"One  there  is  beyond  all  others, 

Well  deserves  the  name  of  friend  : 
His  is  love  beyond  a  brother's, 

Constant,  free,  and  knows  no  end  !'" 

Wednesdatj,  March  9,  1796.  Fast-day.~^^  Heard  Mr.  C. 
from  Jer.  xiv.  7.  *  O  Lord,  though  our  iniquities  testify  scrainst 
us,  do  thou  it  for  thy  name's  sake.'  ° 

'  There  is  not  a  more  awful  symptom  that  sin  has  arisen  to 
a  great  height  in  this  nation,  than  the  proud  unbroken  spirit  we 
see  under  the  present  calamities.     Judges  x.  10. 

'  "  O  Lord,  though  our  iniquities  testify  against  us."  We 
acknowledge  the  charge  and  cannot  gainsay  it,  yet  "Do  thou 
It."  It  does  not  become  beggars,  and  much  loss  does  it  be- 
come criminals,  to  dictate  what  shall  be  done  for  them.  '^  Do 
thou  it."  Do  what  ?  Do  thou  that  which  is  becoming  thyself! 
Who  can  attempt  to  say  what  is  necessary  to  thine" honour; 
what  is  necessary  for  us!  Who  can  tell  what  is  to  brincr 
about  thy  design  !  therefore,  "  Do  thou  it."  Take  it  into  thin? 
own  hands:  do  that  which  is  most  for  thy  glory;  that  which 
shall  most  effectually  humble  sinners  before  thee;  that  which 
shall  make  a  nation  most  sensible  of  its  state  ;  that  which 
shall  bring  us  as  a  church,  and  as  individuals,  in  deep  humili- 
ation before  thee.  Thou  canst  do  that  which  no  measures,  no 
creatures  can  effect.  They  may  appoint  a  day  for  fasting  and 
prayer,  but  thou  only  canst  give  the  spirit  of  humiliation  and 
supplication. 

'  "  Do  thou  it  for  thy  name's  sake."  Here  is  a  plea  put  in- 
to our  mouths.  The  carnal  man  thinks  it  an  easy  matter  to 
find  a  plea  why  he  should  escape  punishment:  but  this  is  a 
sure  sign  of  an  unhumbled  spirit.  He  thinks  that,  because  he 
does  not  live  in  open  and  gross  sin,  there  is  nothino-  the  matter  ; 
not  considering  that  he  who  lives  without  God  inihe  world,  is 
m  a  state  of  enmity  with  him. 

*  When  an  enlightened  and  contrite  man  looks  into  his  own 
heart,  and  into  the  nation,  and  sees  what  iniquities  testify 
against  us,  he  is  ready  to  sink  down  in  discouragement  at  the 
view  ;  and  he  cries  out,  What  is  to  be  done? 


124  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

<  Let  us  remember,  there  is  refuge  in  the  character  of  God, 
when  there  is  none  in  man.     (See  Dan.  ix.  19.) 

'  Our  fasting  is  but  an  outward  expression  of  an  inward 
repentance  and  sorrow.  Yet  even  an  outward  expression  does 
not  pass  unregarded.  See  tlie  history  of  Nineveh,  and  of 
Ahab,  that  wicked  man,  and  yet  concerning  whom  God  says, 
"  Seest  thou  how  Ahab  humbleth  himself  before  me?  because 
he  humbleth  himself  before  me,  I  will  not  bring  the  evil  in  his 
days;  but  in  his  son's  days  will  I  bring  the  evil  upon  his 
house."  1  Kings  xxxi.  29. 

'But  a  Christian  is  called  to  more  than  the  outward  expres- 
sion. He  is  called  to  enter  seriously  into  the  subject,  and  to 
plead  with  God  like  Abraham:  lie  is  to  humble  himself  as  a 
party  concerned  :  and  then  "  He  who  seelh  in  secret  shall  re- 
ward him  o])enly."  Ezek.  ix.  4.'" 

In  the  next  extract  we  see  Mrs.  Hawkes  in  the  practical  ex- 
ercise of  that  spirit  of  contrition  which  she  had  lately  heard 
recommended  from  the  pulpit. 

March  10. — "  Go  !  ye  inumerable  host  of  sad  accusers,  self- 
indulgence,  vain  thoughts,  a  weak  scrupulous  conscience, 
'straining  at  a  gnat,  and  swallowing  a  camel,'  deadened  heart, 
unimproved  opportunities,  slighted  convictions,  unheeded  re- 
bukes, offended  and  neglected  laws, — with  ten  thousand  other 
aggravations, — go  and  tell  your  sad  story,  and  I  will  ac- 
knowledge it  true:  but  I  will  go  to  my  Saviour,  and  lay  be- 
fore him  the  sad  catalogue  of  my  sins,  (the  sight  of  which  is 
enough  to  fill  me  with  irrecoverable  despair,)  I  will  throw  my- 
self at  his  gracious  feet,  and  will  wait  there  till  I  hear  him  an- 
swer,  'All  that  the  Father  giveth  me  shall  come  to  me;  and 
him  that  cometh  unto  me,  1  will  in  no  wise  cast  out.'" 

Sunday,  April  24.—"  Heard  Mr.  C.  from  1  John  v.  4. 
'For  whatsoever  is  born  of  God  overcometh  the  world;  and 
this  is  the  victory  that  overcometh  the  world,  even  our  faith.' 

'God  himself  has  laid  down  the  standard  of  Christianity, 
and  it  is  a  foolish  and  corrupt  state  of  mind  that  would  alter  or 
lower  this  standard.  It  becomes  us  to  hoic  to  the  rule,  what- 
ever it  is.  "  Whatsoever  is  born  of  God,  &c."  whether  it  re- 
spects a  person  or  a  principle, —  if  it  be  born  of  God, — it  "  over- 
cometh the  the  world." 

'  It  is  faith  in  Christ  that  overcometh  the  corrupt  influence, 
the  inordinate  love,  the  slavish  fear,  the  idolatry,  tlie  friend- 
ship, the  false  wisdom,  and  the  maxims  of  the  world  :  nay,  it 
overcometh  not  only  the  folly,  but  the  very  religion  of  the 
world,  as  far  as  it  is  a  false  religion. 


CHAP.  III. — FROM  A.  D.  1790,  TO  1796.      125 

'  It  is  not  merely  comparing  or  contemplating  ;  it  is  not  hav- 
ing the  mind  rectified  or  well  informed,  that  will  avail  in  this 
conquest.  He  that  overcomelh  this  potent  enemy  has  a  secret 
alliance  that  is  as  powerful  as  it  is  secret.  It  is  only  "he  that 
is  born  of  God."     John  iii.  3. 

*  We  are  called  to  fight  upon  a  field  of  dangers,  snares,  and 
temptations:  but  having  such  a  cloud  of  witnesses,  all  con- 
querors, let  us  run  the  race  that  is  set  before  us ;  yet  let  us 
lake  heed  of  running  in  our  own  strength,  or  according  to  our 
own  rule  and  plan,  let  us  carefully  mark  the  footsteps  of  the  flock; 
and  especially  let  us  run  "  looking  to  Jesus  ;"  let  us  keep  our 
eye  on  that  great  model,  the  great  Head  of  influence;  remem- 
bering that  ii  is  laying  hold  on  Him  by  fiiith,  that  enables  us  to 
overcome.  "  Who  is  he  that  overcometh  the  world,  but  he 
that  believeth  that  Jesus  is  the  Son  of  God?"  ver.  5.  He  that 
has  this  sacred  and  secret  alliance ;  he  whose  life  is  hid  with 
Christ  in  God ;  he  who  can  say,  "  I  live,  yet  not  I,  but  Christ 
liveth  in  me."     Gal.  ii.  20. 

'  As  Christian  soldiers  let  us  not  be  discouraged,  though  we 
may  sometimes  have  fears  and  faintings,  for  so  had  the  noble 
army  of  martyrs,  yet  they  all  were  conquerors.  Rather  let  us 
seek  to  glorify  God  in  the  thickest  and  hottest  of  the  battle ; 
remembering  the  apostle's  exhortation.     Ephes.  vi.  10 — 18. 

'  It  is  the  order  of  God,  it  is  the  very  constitution  of  heaven, 
that  he  that  is  born  of  God,  shall  overcome  the  world  :  and  it 
is  in  this  way  only,  even  by  faith  in  Christ,  that  any  one  has 
hitherto  succeeded  over  the  worst  of  his  enemies.  It  is  a  grand 
and  sublime  principle  of  faith  that  must  raise  a  man  above  the 
world.  To  suppose  that  any  one  will  turn  from  the  love  of 
this  world  to  the  love  of  eternal  things,  without  an  operation  of 
the  Holy  Ghost,  is  to  be  as  bad  a  philosopher  as  a  divine;  for 
it  is  to  expect  an  e^eci  without  a  cause. 

'  Is  victory  over  the  world  the  Christian's  object?  Are  we 
striving  for  the  mastery,  and  striving  lawfully?  Are  we  fol- 
lowing the  example  of  the  apostle,  who  says,  "I  keep  under 
my  body,  and  bring  it  under  subjection?"  We  must  watch 
the  designs  of  the  enemy,  and  remember  that  if  we  do  not 
overcome  the  world,  the  world  will  overcome  vs. 

'  It  is  our  wisdom  to  take  time,  to  seize  opportunities  for  re« 
flection,  in  order  that  we  may  walk  with  God.  It  is  when  we 
shut  out  the  noisy  vain  world,  that  the  enchantment  begins  to 
break,  and  the  shadows  flee  away;  then  we  begin  to  have 
clearer  vision  ;  and  to  hear  the  "  still  small  voice  "  that  speaks 
within.  It  is  this  which  distinguishes  the  true  believer  from 
11* 


126  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

the  hypocrite:  the  hypocrite  will  be  found  every  where  but  in 
his  closet.  He  will  meet  you  at  Church — at  the  sacrament — 
in  your  most  select  societies;  you  will  not  know  him,  by  his 
appearance,  from  one  of  the  most  devout  saints;  but  you  may 
know  him  if  you  mark  his  secret  walk.  You  never  see  him 
seeking  a  retired  corner  to  pray ;  you  never  hear  of  his  shut- 
ting his  door  about  him,  and  falling  upon  his  knees  in  private. 
He  wants  to  be  seen  of  men;  if  he  is  found  at  his  devotions, 
it  is  in  places  where  he  may  be  seen  and  admired.  But  the 
true  Christian,  the  man  who  is  '•  born  of  God,"  is  never  so 
easy  as  when  he  can  get  where  no  eye  sees  him,  and  pour  out 
his  heart  before  God  :  He  has  a  root  as  well  as  a  shoot ;  he  is 
not  an  annual,  but  taking  deep  root  downwards,  he  stands  win- 
ter as  well  as  summer,  hearing  fruit  through  all  seasons.'  " 

May  3,  1796. — "  I  feel  this  a  painful  and  weary  part  of  my 
Christian  ])ilo;rima<Te.  I  have  much  disturbance  from  Satan, 
from  my  own  heart,  and  from  distressing  circumstances. — May 
1  be  enabled  to  fight  manfully  !  " 

Thursday,  .5. — "  Was  favoured  by  a  visit  from  my  revered 
minister.  His  conversation  has  left  a  solemn  effect  upon  my 
mind. 

"  Mr.  C.  observed,  '  the  attacks  made  upon  the  soul  by  sin 
and  Satan  resemble  waterfloods  surrounding  a  house,  and  in- 
cessantly working  in  at  one  place  or  another.  No  sooner  is 
one  inlet  secured,  than  the  water  makes  its  way  in  somewhere 
else. 

'  Satan  is  a  constant  enemy,  never  ceasing  to  buffet  us  ;  but 
whatever  bows  down  the  soul,  we  must  bring  it  to  Christ, 
whether  the  attack  be  from  the  world,  the  flesh,  or  the  devil. 

'  Nothing  tunes  the  soul  like  prayer.  He  that  is  able  to  go 
and  plead  his  case  with  God,  shall  soon  "  mount  with  wings 
as  eagles ;  shall  run  and  not  be  weary  ;  shall  walk  and  not 
faint."  We  should  pray  for  a  spirit  of  prayer ;  we  cannot  ex- 
pect a  favour  we  do  not  ask  for.  I  am  persuaded  that  God 
will  honour  every  species  of  prayer.  It  is  a  sad  thing  to  let 
the  devil  persuade  us  to  stand  still,  or  go  backward  because 
we  cannot  do  all  we  wish. 

'  Prayer  is  the  key  that  unlocks  every  blessing.  Beware  of 
general  requests  ;  it  is  a  sign  of  a  cold,  unfeeling  heart.  Come 
and  specify  what  you  would  have;  carry  your  real  concerns 
to  Christ;  and  be  satisfied  with  his  care  and  management  of 
you.  The  government  is  upon  his  shoulders,  not  yours.  It 
is  enough  that  he  undertakes  for  you  ;  therefore  transact  all 
your  affairs  with  him.     A  Christian  who  is  sometimes  found 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.  D.  1790,  TO  1796.       127 

sitting  still  as  a  man  of  faith,  is  at  other  times  found  wrest- 
ling  as  a  man  of  prayer. 

'  There  are  a  vast  variety  of  corrections  for  the  people  of 
God.  One  is  sorely  tempted;  another  has  great  outward 
losses;  another  is  visited  with  sickness.  The  form  of  the 
chastisement  is  of  small  importance  ;  but  each  feels  the  weight, 
and  is  touched  to  the  quick  ;  and  that,  perhaps,  when  those 
who  stand  by,  see  nothing  of  the  atfair.  To  tndure  chastise- 
ment is  to  receive  it  as  to  the  design  of  it  ;  to  take  it  willingly. 
The  manner  of  our  receiving  chastisement,  will  throw  great 
light  upon  our  character,  whether  we  are,  or  are  not  the  sons 
of  God.  Sorrow  is  a  fire:  but  while  it  is  a  purilying  fire  to 
some,  it  is  a  consuming  fire  to  others.  The  primitive  Christians 
were  remarkable  for  their  patience  under  sufl^ering.  God  can 
make  a  man  as  quiet  by  faith,  as  if  there  were  no  danger  at 
all.  But  a  frown  from  God  is  ten  thousand  times  worse  than 
a  stake,  or  gibbet. 

'  In  all  dispensations  we  should  be  careful  not  to  lose  the 
benefit,  either  by  falling  info  a  state  of  despondency,  or  by- 
being  inattentive  to  our  feelings  and  sentiments  in  the  affliction  ; 
or  by  impatience  under  it.  Endeavour  to  keep  the  presence 
of  God  in  your  heart  through  every  circumstance. 

«  Learn  to  distinguish  between  humiliation  and  gloomy  de- 
pression. What  St.  Paul  means  by  being  crucified  to  the 
world  is  not  a  peevish  quarrelling  with  it,  but  a  noble  victory 
over  it.  While  we  say  of  laughter,  "  It  is  mad,"  let  us  beware 
of  running  into  an  unscriptural  melancholy.  The  enemy  has 
often  made  use  of  this  areat  success  to  the  injury  of  reliaion. 
Holy  joy  is  the  proper  antidote.'"  "  ° 

'  As  Christians,  it  is  our  privilege  to  be  going  on  to  perfec- 
tion ;  to  walk  free  from  mists  and  uncomfort'ableness ;  and 
though,  while  here,  we  shall  to  the  end,  only  "see  through  a 
glass  darkly,"  yet  we  are  directed  to  fix  our  eyes  upon  a  more 
perfect  day,  when  the  "wise  shall  shine  as  the  brightness  of 
the  firmament." ' 

On  the  subject  of  indulging  a  tendency  to  melancholy,  Mr. 
Cecil  further  cautioned  Mrs.  Huwkes  in  the  following  letter, 
sent  the  next  day  : — 

Marj,  1796. 
"  My  Dear  Daughter, 
"The  uneasiness  I  feel  when  1  see  any  thing  which  I  think 
amiss  in  you,  obliges  me  to  write  a  letter,  though  you  know  1 
am  no  writer  of  letters  except  when  absolutely  compelled. 


128  MEMOIRS  OF  3IRS.  IIAWKES. 

"  Now  as  you  are  a  fruitful  plant  in  my  vineyard,  and  one 
that  I  have  had  the  honour  and  pleasure  of  planting,  I  cannot 
be  satisfied  if  I  suspect  any  injury  whatever  which  mny  impede 
your  growth. 

"  But  1  do  suspect  an  injury.  I  do  think  I  see  one  enemy, 
and  that,  an  enemy  at  the  very  root  of  your  health  and  com- 
fort: — It  is  a  little  mischievous  worm  called  melancholy.  It 
is  engendered  by  constitution  and  ill  health ;  and  makes  both 
worse.  I  say  this  from  experience;  but  then  what  is  only  ac- 
cidental in  my  case,  is  almost  constant  in  yours;  and  I  cannot 
but  observe  this  with  great  pain.  First,  because  I  do  not  think 
you  are  sufficiently  apprized  of  the  evil.  It  strips  you  of  the 
only  ornament  of  the  Christian  profession  1  ever  saw  you  want, 
— I  mean  a  permanent  joy  and  peace  in  believing.  1  know 
you  have  such  humble  views  of  yourself,  that  you  will  consider 
me  a  very  partial  julge:  but  on  this  subject,  I  cannot  think  I 
am  incompetent  to  judge;  and  I  do  not  allow  myself  (I  humbly 
hope)  to  say  what  I  do  not  really  think. 

"  I  know  every  thing  that  occurs  is  capable  of  wounding  a 
sensibility  such  as  yours.  But  the  world  is  nothing  to  you. 
Come,  I  will  give  you  a  bit  of  an  old  man  who  writes  better 
than  I  can  : — 

"  We  may  compare  an  afflicted  believer  to  a  man  that  has 
an  orchard  laden  with  fruit,  who  because  the  wind  has  blown 
off  the  leaves,  sits  down  and  weeps.  If  one  asks,  What  do 
you  weep  for?  Why  my  apple-leaves  are  gone  !  But  have  you 
not  your  apples  left  ?  Yes.  Very  well,  then  do  not  grieve  for 
a  few  leaves,  which  could  only  hinder  the  ripening  of  your  fruit.' 

"  Pardons  and  promises  that  cannot  fail,  lie  at  the  root  of 
my  dear  daughter's  profession  ;  and  fruits  of  faith,  hope  and 
love,  that  no  one  can  question,  have  long  covered  her  branches. 
The  east  wind  sometimes  carries  off  a  few  leaves,  though  the 
rough  wind  is  stayed  ;  and  what  if  every  leaf  were  gone  ?  what 
if  not  a  single  earthly  comfort  remained  1  Christ  has  prayed 
and  promised  that  her  'fruit  shall  remain  ;'  and  it  shall  be  my 
joy  to  behold  it  through  eternity. 

"  Past  eleven  o'clock,  and  time  for  poor  sleepy  preachers  to 
go  to  bed.  But  I  shall  sleep  better  for  having  dropped  a  word 
or  two,  though  it  be  but  saying  old  things  over  and  over  again. 

"  But  the  morning  cometh,  a  morning  without  melancholy. 
To-morrow  morning,  you  and  I  shall  walk  in  a  garden  where 
I  hope  to  talk  with  you  about  every  thing  but  sadness  ;  and  if 
I  even  forgot,  and  began  upon  the  subject,  you  would  immedi- 
ately reply,  '  Sorrow  and  sighing  are  fled  for  ever.' 


CHAP.  III.  —  F1103I  A.  D.   1700  TO  1796.  129 

"  So  they  do  noiu,  as  (lilth  is  in  exercise.  I  received  amaz- 
ing benefit  iVom  Hill's  tenth  sermon,  on  2  Kings  iv.  23.  '  She 
answered  and  said,  It  is  well  ;'  which  I  read  walking  liome 
from  you  yesterday.  I  went  and  bought  the  book,  and  shall 
return  you  yours  directly,  and  beg  you  will  go  through  the 
same  sermon,  and  pray  that  it  may  be  as  much  blessed  to  you 
as  it  was  to  me. 

"  With  kindest  regards  to  Mr.  Hawkes, 

"  Believe  me  vour  very  affectionate  Father, 

"R.  Cecil." 

Independently  of  the  consolations  of  religion,  a  person  of 
Mrs.  Hawkes's  temperament,  and  under  her  circumstances, 
must  unavoidably  have  sunk  into  that  "  sorrow  of  the  world" 
which  "  worketh  death."  For  a  natural  tendency  to  melan- 
choly, meeting  with  the  pressure  of  real  affliction,  and  unas- 
sisted by  that  knowledge  of  the  Gospel  which  opens  a  brighter 
prospect,  assumes  a  desolating  character  and  merges  into  the 
"  sorrow  of  the  world,"  i.  e.  hopeless  despair. 

Perhaps  it  may  be  allowed  here  to  make  a  few  remarks  on 
the  essential  ditlerence  between  the  "  sorrow  of  the  world"  and 
"  godly  sorrow  ;"  distinguishing  first  the  features  of  that  kind 
o? pensive  melancholi/  just  alluded  to,  which  is  incident  to  some 
persons  of  a  refined  and  sensitive  mind. 

Melancholy,  as  it  exists  in  the  temperament,  independently  of 
real  trouble,  is  the  pensive  dwelling  of  the  imagination  upon 
whatever  is  gloomy  or  pathetic  in  nature.  It  is  the  romantic 
contemplation  of  facts,  and  not  the  proper  impression  of  the 
facts  themselves;  and  as  nature  has  been  said  to  exceed  ro- 
mance, so  does  real  grief  far  exceed  melancholy.  Setting  aside 
morbid  cases,  melancholy  is  a  pleasing  illusion  ;  it  has  its  sweet 
sounds,  soft  touches,  refined  sensations  ;  much  of  the  ideal  in 
it:  the  mind  lulls  itself  as  in  a  cradle,  and  kisses  the  pillow 
on  which  it  weeps.  Yet  this  pensive  kind  of  melancholy  ap- 
pears to  be  only  a  phantom  of  the  imagination,  something  be- 
low reality, —  a  waking  dream.  It  however  holds  a  place  in  the 
sublime  and  beautiful  ;  and  a  dash  of  melancholy  often  forms 
a  feature  in  the  finest  minds. 

But  man  is  born  to  real  trouble:  atid  the  reality  of  woe  is 
more  forlorn  and  desolating  than  an  effect  produced  by  imagin- 
ary impressions.  The  subject  of  reaZ^rie/*  resembles  a  blight- 
ed tree  on  a  trackless  waste,  not  only  solitary,  but  empty, 
bare,  and  useless.  A  sentence  of  death  seems  written  there! 
and  what  hope  presents  itself?     None  to  those  who  are  unac- 


130  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

quainled  wiih  that  "  God  who  raises  the  dead."  None  to  those 
who  being  under  the  power  of  spiritual  blindness,  remain  ig- 
norant of  the  consolations  which  the  Gospel  offers.  Melan- 
choly, with  her  pensive  train,  now  gives  place;  and  the  "  sor- 
row of  the  world"  sits  brooding  over  the  scene  in  hopeless  dis- 
may ;  and  at  length  leads  on  her  sad  victims  to  the  abodes  of 
death  :  death  in  its  three-fold  horrors, — spiritual,  temporal,  and 
eternal!  such  sorrow  being  contrary  to  the  will  of  God,  and 
arising  from  an  inordinate  love  of  the  world.  1  Cor.  vii.  30. 
1  Thess.  iv.  13. 

Oh  how  appalling  to  launch  on  that  dark  ocean  which  af- 
fords no  bottom  on  which  to  cast  a  single  anchor !  This  is  re- 
ality of  woe  !  would  that  its  deepest  gloom  ended  in  the  grave  I 
But  alas,  we  may  borrow  the  striking  lines  of  Milton,  when  he 
represents  that  abyss  of  misery  into  which  the  arch  apostate 
fell,  and  into  which  he  desires  to  drag  all  his  followers : — 

"  Me  miserable  !  which  way  shall  I  fly 

Infinite  wrath  and  infinite  despair  ] 

Which  way  I  fly  is  hell ;  myself  am  hell ; 

And  in  the  lowest  deep,  a  lower  deep, 

Still  threat'ning  to  devour  me,  opens  wide, 

To  which  the  licll  I  suffer  seems  a  heav'n !" — Book  IV. 

But  it  will  be  refreshing  to  turn  our  aching  view  from  scenes 
thus  dismal,  and  mark  Religion,  rising  like  the  sun,  chasing 
away  the  mists  and  horrors  of  night  before  its  rising  splendour. 
Religion  leads  from  realities  of  despair,  to  realities  of  hope ; 
from  realities  of  woe,  to  realities  of  peace  and  joy.  Her  sor- 
row is  a  "  godly  sorrow,"  wrought  by  the  influences  of  the 
Holy  Spirit.  With  an  eye  fixed  on  the  cross,  she  beholds  her 
remedy ;  and  though  "  now  going  forth  weeping,"  yet  bearing 
the  "  procious  seed"  of  faith,  hope  and  love,  she  will  "  doubt- 
less come  again  with  rejoicing,  bringing  her  sheaves  with  her  ;" 
for  "  Godly  sorrow  worketh  repentance  not  to  be  repented  of." 
Faith  embraces  the  promises  :  and  sees  hidden  in  them  infinite 
prospects.  A  well  grounded  confidence  and  holy  joy  become 
the  Christian's  companions,  and  attend  him  till  he  enters  those 
realms  of  bliss  where  he  can  say  from  perfect  fruition,  "  In 
thy  presence  is  fulness  of  joy  ;  at  thy  right-hand  there  are 
pleasures  for  ever  more."  Ps.  xvi.  11. 

But  we  must  return  to  the  subject  of  this  Memoir,  and  view 
her  a  little  longer  as  a  pilgrim  here  below,  experiencing  the  vi- 
cissitudes of  sorrow  and  joy  ;  dropping  perhaps  "  some  natu- 
ral tears,"  but  ever  pressing  on  to  that  heavenly  home  where 
*'  all  tears  shall  be  wiped  away." 


CHAP.  III. FROM  A.  D.  1790  TO  179G.       131 

The  next  extracts  from  her  diary  are  as  follows  : — 
Tuesday,  3Iay  17,  1796. — "  VVhen  a  breath  from  the  Holy- 
Spirit  would  put  the  soul  upon  making  fresh  application  to 
Christ  for  pardon,  a  certain  voice  seems  to  put  in,  '  If — if — if 
thou  wilt  do  this  or  that' — whereby  the  soul  is  terrified  and 
kept  back.  Christ  proposes  no  ifs,  except  '  If  thou  canst  be- 
lieve.' He  says,  'For  mine  own  sake  I  will  do  this.'  While 
I  have  any  groaning  towards  God,  and  while  I  have  Christ  for 
a  Saviour  in  heaven  to  atone  and  intercede  for  me,  I  will  en- 
courage hope. 

"  Faith  puts  forth  in  a  variety  of  actings  ;  infinitely  pre- 
cious in  all.  Sometimes  with  a  holy,  bold  venture,  hoping 
against  hope;  believing  against  all  manner  of  contradictions: 
sometimes  conflicting  with  strong  temptations,  buffetings,  and 
the  assaults  of  Satan  ;  sometimes  passive  ;  but  in  all  victorious." 

July,  17.06. — "  To  what  a  cost,  lingering,  daily  puts  the 
real  Christian,  none  can  tell  but  God  and  his  own  soul.  So 
true  it  is,  that  nothing  can  save  from  ruin  here,  nor  l^rom  hell 
hereafter,  but  the  hand  of  special  grace  and  infinite  power." 

The  foregoing  extracts  seem  to  indicate  some  inward  exer- 
cises, the  particular  cause  of  which  is  not  expressed.  But  whe- 
ther beset  by  inward  or  outward  trials,  Mrs.  Hawkes  had  one 
resource, — in  the  sanctuary  she  ever  found  "  a  tabernacle  for 
a  shadow  in  the  day-time  from  the  heat,  and  for  a  place  of  re- 
fuge, and  for  a  covert  from  storm  and  from  rain." 

Her  diary  next  affords  the  full  notes  of  a  sermon,  which 
will  be  found  deeply  experimental  and  encouraging. 

July  6,  1796.—"  Heard  Mr.  C.  from  Gen.  xxii.  14.  '  And 
Abraham  called  the  name  of  that  place  Jehovah-jirah  :  as  it  is 
said  to  this  day,  In  the  mount  of  the  Lord,  it  shall  be  seen,' 
(or,  in  the  mount  of  the  Lord,  He  shall  be  seen.) 

'  God  in  his  church  has  ever  been  seen  to  provide  a  moun- 
tain of  difficulty,  or  a  mountain  of  action  for  his  people.  He 
not  only  provides  it  for  Abraham,  but  for  all  his  children.  It 
is  not  an  accident  when  mountains  are  put  in  our  way:  for 
though  we  are  not  called  in  the  way  Abraham  was,  to  go  and 
ofTer  up  a  beloved  child,  yet  God  knows  how  to  make  a  small 
thing  become  sometimes  a  very  great  mountain. 

'  Observe,  first,  that  when  God  provides  a  mount  of  diflicul- 
ty,  we  must  not  expect  his  love  to  secure  us  from  it,  but  in  it. 

'  We  are  very  apt  to  object  to  God's  proceedings  with  us; 
but  let  it  ever  be  remembered.  He  does  not  consult  our  feel- 
ings but  out  proft. 

'  Observe,  secondly,  that  God  ever  ])rovidcs  for  the  difficul- 


132  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

ty  we  have  to  encounter.  "  As  it  is  said  to  this  day,  in  the 
mount  oftlie  Lord,  He  shall  be  seen."  It  is  not  said,  He  shall 
be  seen  at  theybo^  of  the  mountain — or  half  way  up  it — but 
7,71  the  mount:  that  is  to  say,  God  will  make  our  extremity 
his  opportunity.  God  keeps  his  time,  though  not  our  time. 
We  are  apt  to  say,  "  Now,  Lord  :"  but  he  seems  to  say, 
"  This  is  your  time,  but  not  mine."  And  in  the  interval,  if 
the  mountain  be  of  his  providing,  there  is  a  promise,  "  I  will 
never  leave  thee  nor  forsake  thee."  "  The  Lord  will  provide." 
He  provides  what  some  indeed  think  lightly  of,  faith  and  hope. 
You  must  not  complain  if  God  leaves  you  nothing  in  the  hand 
but  faith  and  hope.  We  are  ever  wanting  something  to  lean 
upon  :  but  God  says,  No  ;  you  must  learn  to  lean  upon  me  only. 

'Acts  of  faith  are  public  benefits;  how  little  did  Abraham 
think  that  this  act  of  faith  should  be  the  support  of  thousands. 
"Blessed  is  the  man  that  endureth  temptation,"  (or  trial). 
But  it  is  not  enough  to  take  up  this  truth  as  a  mere  sentiment. 
We  must  go  through  these  things.  Our  blessings  lie  orcr  the 
mountain,  and  the  believer  must  be  content  to  sigh  and  pant 
up  the  mountain,  bearing  his  cross.  If  we  find  it  laborious  to 
go  up  the  "  Hill  difficulty,"  yet  let  us  go  on  step  by  step, 
knowing  that  it  is  only  for  an  appointed  time,  and  that  our 
blessings  are  beyond  the  mountain.  Oh,  it  is  not  talking,  but 
ti'olking  !  It  is  not  in  notion,  but  in  action. 

'  Observe  thirdly,  God  will  in  this  mountain  provide  for  his 
own  glory.  He  will  be  glorified  in  the  fire  :  "  In  the  mount 
He  will  be  seen."  We  want  ease,  but  when  we  get  it,  how 
apt  are  we  (o  grow  cold  and  stupid,  and  careless  about  prayer, 
till  we  are  again  roused  by  diflicullies;  and  then  we  be- 
gin to  pray  in  earnest.  Thus  it  is  that  God  i's  glorified.  He 
causes  us  to  glorify  his  wisdom, — his  all-sufficiency, — his  good- 
ness. He  seems  often  to  appeal  to  our  hearts — is  not  this  the 
best  way,  though  every  step  up  hill?  "  In  the  mount  of  the 
Lord  He  shall  be  seen,"  {i.  e.)  God  will  there  exhibit  his  own 
character. 

'  In  our  difiicultics  God  sets  up  way-marks  ; — he  says  what- 
ever a  man  gives  vpfor  me,  shall  be  restored,  in  better  things, 
a  hundred  fold  :  and  thus  we  find  that  religion  is  only  another 
name  for  wisdom. 

'Fourthly,  from  this  mountain  of  trial,  we  are  to  see  Christ 
exhibited.  If  we  do  not  see  the  golden  thread  through  all  the 
Bible,  marking  out  Christ,  we  read  the  Scriptures  without  the 
key  ; — we  miss  the  invaluable  treasure  hid  in  the  field. 

♦  This  text  has  a  great  scope,  "The  Lord  will  provide."  He 


CHAP.  Ill FR03I  A.  D.  17  90  TO  1796.  133 

will  provide  all  that  man  wants  for  time  and  eternity,  in  and 
through  Christ.  When  we  can  see  a  dying,  risen  Saviour,  in 
the  mountain,  we  have  indeed  found  the  pearl  of  great  price, 
Oh  that  such  as  love  great  sights,  would  look  at  the  cross  of 
Christ,  which  of  all  others,  is  the  sight  the  most  interesting  ! 
God  has  set  up,  in  his  word,  great  monuments  :  the  text  is  one, 
on  which  is  inscribed,  "  The  Lord  will  provide."  The  poor- 
est man  who  can  read  his  Bible,  may  see  it  to  this  day.' 

In  the  month  of  September,  the  state  of  Mrs.  Hawkes's 
health  requiring  sea-bathing,  she  went  to  Dover,  accompanied 
by  Mrs.  Jones.  But  those  anxieties  which  had  induced  the 
present  depression  of  her  strength  and  spirits,  followed  her 
there,  and  drew  from  Mr.  Cecil  the  following  sympathetic  let- 
ter : — 

Oct.  7,  1796. 
"  My  dear  Daughter, 

<'  The  melancholy  cast  of  your  letter  so  meets  the  present 
complexion  of  my  mind,  and  some  sentiments  in  it  are  so  exactly 
my  own,  that  like  a  man  who  hears  a  tune  which  touches  him, 
and  he  begins  humming,  so  1  fall  to  writing.  I  too  am  at  sea, 
and  sea-sick,  i  laugh  outwardly,  and  inwardly  say  of  laugh- 
ter, "  It  is  mad."  When  the  candle  of  the  Lord  shines  upon 
my  head,  I  am  well,  and  so  are  you  :  but  when  I  cannot  see 
Him,  (you  understand  me,j  a  more  forlorn  creature  does  not 
walk  the  earth ;  and  that,  sometimes  for  days  together,  though 
surrounded  with  comforts  and  comforters. 

"  The  truth  is,  He  deals  out  my  comforts  who  furnishes 
yours  ;  and  if  you  could  weigh  them  against  each  other,  you 
would  find  them  more  equal  than  you  are  ready  to  believe. 

*'  Another  truth  is,  that  among  the  many  things  you  have 
learned  of  me,  there  is  one  which  I  have  often  brought  to  your 
ear,  but  which  none  but  God  could  bring  to  your  heart ;  I 
mean  the  real  state  of  the  country  in  which  we  live,  as  de- 
scribed, Psalm  Ixiii.  1.  You  are  the  woman  '  whose  heart  the 
Lord  opened,'  and  which  none  but  himself  can  fill.  The  wo- 
man '  who  stood  beside  me  praying  unto  the  Lord,'  and  to 
whom  the  Lord  has  given  the  petition  she  asked  of  him.  \\'hat, 
I  pray  you,  was  the  petition  ;  and  what  are  the  things  you 
meet  with,  but  an  answer  to  it;  and  what  need  I  repeat  on  the 
subject]  You  know  these  things  as  well  as  I  do;  and  I  should 
never  have  hnoxon  them,  (though  I  might  have  preached  about 
them,)  if  I  had  not  been,  like  you,  taken  from  the  crowd  by 
a  mighty  hand,  and  brought,  '  with  laltering  steps  and  slow,' 
to  tread  the  narrow  solitary  way. 
12 


134  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.  HAWKES. 

•♦Slill  '  He  giveth  songs  in  the  night;'  therefore  let  us  sing 
when  we  can.  He  also  commands  us  to  help  one  another; 
and  to  help  you,  as  far  as  I  am  able,  will  always  afford  satis- 
faction to      Your  most  affectionate  friend  and  father, 

*'  R.  Cecil." 

The  depression  which,  at  this  period,  rested  on  Mrs.  Hawkes's 
mind,  was  not  from  imaginary  causes.  She  saw  the  clouds 
darkening,  and  ready  to  break  over  her  head  in  a  storm  of 
trouble,  which,  within  a  few  weeks  actually  burst,  and  nearly 
overwhelmed  her.  The  most  serious  embarrassment  was 
threatening  Mr.  Hawkes's  affairs,  occasioned  by  his  having  in- 
cautiously, though  from  motives  of  friendship,  allowed  an  un- 
successful speculator  to  draw  bills  upon  him,  by  which  the 
whole  of  his  property  became  irretrievably  involved.  On  Mrs. 
Hawkes's  return  from  Dover,  in  the  month  of  October,  she 
was  informed  that  the  shock  had  actuatly  been  felt  at  Hollo- 
way,  and  that  every  thing  was  on  the  point  of  being  given  up 
for  security.  A  lively  and  pathetic  description  of  her  feelings, 
at  this  time,  appears  in  the  following  memorandum. 

Holloway,  1796. — "  I  have  of  late  felt  much  solemnity  of 
mind:  and  have  been  enduring  much  agony  of  spirit,  and 
learning  to  '  go  softly.^  But  1  would  rather  go  weeping  with 
my  face  heavenwards,  than  dancing  in  the  broad  way  which 
must  end  in  misery.  Thanks  be  to  God,  that  I  have  at  least 
a  weeping  eye,  ifl  have  not  the  true  soldier-like  spirit  that 
dares  the  fierce  onset  of  the  battle.  I  am,  I  trust,  made  willing 
to  endure,  and  abide  the  conflict,  however  severe.  I  must  in- 
deed ever  shrink  at  the  approach  of  the  two-edged  sword. — 
But  I  desire  to  put  myself  into  the  hands  of  my  great  Physi- 
cian, to  do  with  me  as  seemeth  him  good  ;  and  tliat  without 
reserve.  My  Bible  and  my  secret  chamber  can  witness  for 
me,  the  floods  of  tears  I  pour  out  for  my  weakness,  and  my 
wickedness,  and  for  the  depravity  of  my  fallen  nature.  And 
He,  whose  eye  pierceth  the  reins  and  the  heart,  knoweth  I  do 
not  act  the  part  of  a  hypocrite.  My  sins  are  indeed  more  than 
the  hairs  of  my  head:  nor  could  I  bear  the  sight,  were  I  not 
enabled  to  lay  hold  of  the  hope  set  before  me  in  the  Gospel. 
In  this  I  have  always  strong  consolation  ;  and  find  it  an  anchor 
both  sure  and  steadfast,  upon  which,  by  faith,  I  will  now  lie 
down  and  sleep,  amidst  surrounding^  waves  and  storms  of  sor- 
row. '  Who  shall  lay  any  thing  to  the  charge  of  God's  elect? 
It  is  God  that  justifieth.  Who  is  he  that  condemneth  ?  It  is 
Christ  that  died,  yea,  rather  that  is  risen  again."' 


CHAP.  IV. FROM  A.  D.  1796  TO  1802.       135 

Mrs.  Jones,  who  had  come  to  town  with  her  afflicted  sister, 
was  apprehensive  lest  the  present  agitating  scene  at  Holloway 
should  seriously  atFect  Mrs.  Hawkes's  already  much  impaired 
health.  She  therefore  anxiously  wisiied  to  procure  for  her  a 
temporary  shelter,  the  house  of  some  friend,  during  this  threat- 
ening storm,  which  it  was  hoped  would  shortly  blow  over. — 
Such  a  temporary  shelter  she  ventured  to  solicit  in  the  house 
of  Mrs.  Hawkes's  spiritual  father,  the  Rev.  R.  Cecil,  a  request 
which  was  readily  granted. 


CHAPTER  IV. 

HER  RESIDENCE  IN  MR.  CECIL'S  HOUSE. 

FROM   A.   D.    1796,   TO    1802. 

Friendship  subsisting  between  Mrs.  Hawkes  and  Mrs.  Cecil — Habits  of 
Mrs.  Hawkes  while  at  Holloway — Sale  of  the  house  at  Holloway — 
Her  grief  occasioned  l)y  that  circumstance — She  goes  to  meet  Mr. 
Hawkes  at  Portsmouth — Has  a  narrow  escape  from  being  drowned, 
in  bathing — She  returns  to  Mrs.  Cecil,  then  at  Clapham — Letter  from 
Mrs.  Ely  Bates — Remarks  un  Mrs.  Hawkes's  keen  sense  of  her  sorrows 
— She  resumes  the  use  of  her  diary — Suffers  great  depression  of  spi- 
rits— Goes  to  Birmingham — Dangerous  illness  of  Mr.  Cecil,  in  1798 
— Mrs.  Hawkes  visits  the  Isle  of  Wight,  and  comes  under  the  minis- 
try of  the  Rev.  John  Newton — Her  happy  visit  to  her  sisters — She  re- 
turns to  London — Accompanies  Mrs.  Cecil  to  Chobham — Is  seized 
with  illness,  and  obliged  to  return  to  town — Expectation  of  death 
through  the  Summer  of  1801 — Visit  of  Mrs.  Jones,  who  provides  for 
Mrs.  Hawkes's  removal  from  Little  James  Street — Mrs.  Hawkes's 
memorandum  on  leaving  Mr.  Cecil's  house. 

The  close  and  intimate  friendship  which  subsisted  between 
Mrs.  Hawkes  and  Mrs.  Cecil,  has  already  been  mentioned. 
Never  were  two  friends  more  capable  of  appreciating  each 
other.  The  prominent  features  in  Mrs.  Cecil's  character  were 
benignity,  generosity,  maternal  tenderness,  and  charity.  Mrs. 
Hawkes's  present  circumstances  called  these  dispositions  into 
delightful  exercise;  and  Mrs.  Cecil  experienced  an  increase 
of  her  own  happiness,  in  that  ready  flow  of  sympathy,  with 
which  she  welcomed  to  her  house  a  beloved  friend  ;  an  event 
which  took  place  the  latter  end  of  October,  1796. 


136  MEMOIRS  OF  >IRS.  HAWKE3. 

In  order  to  conceive  properly  of  Mrs.  Hawkes's  feelings  on 
this  occasion,  her  whole  character  and  circumstances  must  be 
taken  into  the  account.  There  were  certain  restrainino-  con- 
siderations,  which  interfered  witli  her  entire  complacency  in 
this  friendly  arrangement.  Her  warmest  gratitude  was,  in 
some  measure,  overpowered  by  a  keen  sensibility,  shrinking 
from  obligation,  in  proportion  to  the  sense  of  favours  conferred. 
That  delicacy  of  feeling,  which  accompanied  her  strength  of 
mind  would  naturally  revolt  at  any,  even  apparent  encroach- 
ment on  generous  friendship;  while  her  quick  aj)prehension 
was  more  than  alive  to  the  inconvenience  which  might  attend 
the  increase  of  an  already  large  family.  It  must  also  be  ac- 
knowledged, that  the  love  of  independence  w-as  a  prominent  fea- 
ture in  Mrs.  Hawkes's  character:  nor  was  it  in  the  power  of 
human  kindness  to  tranquillize  her  mind  under  her  present  ac- 
cumulated afflictions.  Divine  consolations  alone  could  have 
supported  her  ;  and  that  these  were  not  wanting  in  this  hour  of 
extremity,  the  following  memorandum  bears  testimony. 

Holloicay,  Oct.  1796. — ''The  experience  this  day  is,  "  He 
healelh  the  broken  in  heart,  and  bindeth  up  their  wounds." — 
The  hand  of  special  grace  has  been  stretched  out  to  lift  me 
above  surrounding  billows.  Everything  around  says,  '  Es- 
cape, daughter,  escape  :'  and  faith  and  hope  provide  the  plank 
that  shall  convey  me  safe  to  shore.  '  The  name  of  ihe  Lord  is 
a  strong  tower.'  Here  let  me  seek  shelter,  and  leave  the  storm 
to  God." 

Hopes  were  at  first  entertained  that  the  house  at  Flolloway 
might  be  preserved.  Six  months  passed  in  this  state  of  uncer- 
tainty. But  in  the  end  it  appeared,  that  prompt  and  efficient 
assistance  could  not  be  procured.  During  this  interval  of  pain- 
ful suspense,  Mrs.  Jones  expresses  her  sympathy  with  her  sis- 
ter, in  the  following  letter,  and  endeavours  to  suggest  considera- 
tions of  encouragement.     She  writes: — 

*'  My  heart  grieves  to  hear  how  my  dear  sister's  sufferings 
abound,  and  my  spirit  falls  prostrate  to  hear  liow  her  supports 
abound  also.  The  anchor  of  hope  is  invaluable:  but  its 
worth  is  only  known  in  a  storm.  God  says,  prove  me  ;  and 
when  the  Holy  Spirit  aids  the  proof,  great  is  the  rejoicing  in 
Christ  Jesus.  Suspense  is,  indeed,  the  most  trying  situation 
the  mind  can  be  in;  and  the  most  favourable  to  the  increase 
of  faith.  The  noble  army  of  martyrs  have  stood  there,  and 
found  firm  footing  ;  or  rather  lay  there,  in  loathsome  dungeons. 
They  leaned  on  your  Father's  arm,  and  his  arm  is  not  short- 


CHAP.  IV. FROM  A.  D.  179G  TO  1802.        137 

ened.  He  now  calls  upon  you  to  prove  its  strength:  He  will 
be  glorified  by  the  manifestation  of  his  mifrhty  power.  We 
may  not  say  unto  God,  '  What  doest  Thou?'  We  can  only 
hang  on  his  attributes,  and  contemplate  this  truth,  '  He  cannot 
deny  Himself.'  Nothing  but  the  mighty  power  of  God  can 
save  his  afflicted  ones  from  murmuring,  under  the  repeated 
strokes  of  his  chastening  rod. 

"  Do  not  faint,  my  dear  sister ;  strength  shall  be  afforded. 
The  Lord  is  able  to  comfort  his  children  ;  and  in  every  stroke, 
he  says  to  them,  '  believe  in  me,'  my  name  and  character  is 
love.  Your  debilitated  state  leads  you  to  view  every  event  on 
the  dark  side:  but  when  your  nerves  are  braced,  I  am  per- 
suaded you  will  see  that  you  are  privileged  'beyond  the  com- 
mon walk  of  men.'  To  be  taken  into  friendship  with  the 
Father,  Son,  and  Spirit,  and  daily  to  enjoy  divine  intercourse 
under  the  strongest  assurances  of  infallible  direction  and  super- 
intendence in  the  smallest  contingencies  in  life :  to  be  placed 
under  the  care,  kindness,  and  benevolence,  of  one  of  the  most 
honourable  in  God's  vineyard  ;  to  have  so  many  friends  that 
tenderly  love  and  highly  value  you;  with  much  more  that 
might  be  said  upon  this  subject, — are  favours  few  can  boast. 
The  afleclionate  kindness  of^your  friends  is  quite  unparalleled: 
nor  could  you  have  bought  it;  but  it  is  given  you  by  an 
Almighty  friend,  as  an  earnest,  a  pledge  of  love,  and  a  part  of 
the  '  all  things  '  which  are  in  his  gift.  Whensoever  your  heart 
is  afraid,  remember  his  loving-kindness,  who  says,  '  1  will 
never  leave  nor  forsake  thee.'  " 

The  year  1797  was  opening  before  Mrs.  Hawkes  with  pros- 
pects the  most  painful,  and  eventful.  Hitherto  she  had  found, 
in  her  retreat  at  Holloway,  manv  resources  and  alleviations. 
Domestic  duties  furnished  her  with  amusing  employment ;  her 
still  greater  delight  was  in  that  retirement,  which  afiibrded  op- 
portunity for  solid  reading,  and  religious  exercises.  She  had 
an  excessive  thirst  for  knowledge,  both  spiritual  and  intellec- 
tual ;  to  obtain  which,  it  was  her  general  custom  to  rise  at  five 
o'clock  in  the  morning,  at  all  seasons  of  the  year,  having,  in 
winter,  her  fire  prepared  for  being  lighted  by  herself,  be- 
fore others  were  awake,  it  was  this  desire  for  instruction, 
which  made  her  anxious  to  secure  the  society  of  select  Chris- 
tian friends  at  her  house.  A  taste  for  the  country  made  her 
enter,  with  delight,  into  every  rural  scene,  and  derive  enjoy- 
ment from  every  little  flower  which  grew  in  her  garden  :  while 
a  natural  benevolence,  and  generosity  of  character,  inclined 
12* 


138  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

her  to  acts  and  expressions  of  kindness  to  all  around.  At 
Holloway,  Mrs.  Hawkes  was  laying  up  a  store  of  knowledge, 
which  proved  of  essential  use  to  her  in  after  life,  and  helped 
to  sustain  her  mind  under  the  change  of  circunDstances  which 
awaited  her; — for  her  beloved  retreat  was  to  he  taken  from 
her.  In  the  month  of  April,  the  house  at  Holloway,  with 
every  thing  that  belonged  to  it,  was  sold  ;  and  Mrs.  Havvkes 
was  called  to  renounce  all — whether  of  affluence  or  comfort — 
and  to  be  without  a  home. 

The  following  memorandum  exhibits  the  spirit  in  which  she 
was  preparing  to  meet  this  painful  catastrophe. 

"  Instead  of  fainting  under  the  stroke,  I  would  cry,  Let  the 
refiner  do  his  work,  even  though  the  furnace  be  made  seven 
times  hotter.  Let  the  dross  be  burnt  up,  that  1  may  come  out 
purified  as  gold.  Enable  me  to  endure  chastisement,  to  re- 
ceive it  as  to  the  design  of  it;  to  take  it  up  willingly  ;  and  to 
show  a  proper  disposition  under  it,  though  touched  to  the  quick. 
*  When  my  heart  is  overwhelmed  within  me,  lead  me  to  the 
Rock  that  is  higher  than  L'  " 

Mr.  Havvkes  being  considered  a  mnn  of  good  property,  Mrs. 
Hawkes's  private  fortune  had  not  been  settled  upon  her;  con- 
sequently it  was  all  lost  in  the  general  wreck.  Her  faith  was 
now  to  be  put  to  the  most  severe  trial.  She  was  to  have  no 
inheritance,  no,  "  not  so  much  as  to  set  the  sole  of  her  foot 
upon."  But  she  was  yet  blessed,  and  to  be  a  blessing  to  that 
household  where  a  kind  and  wise  Providence  had,  for  the  pre- 
sent, fixed  the  bounds  of  her  habitation  ;  and  to  the  happiness 
of  which  she  so  greatly  contributed,  during  an  interval  of  six 
years.  To  assist  Mrs.  Cecil,  under  her  delicacy  of  health, 
and  increasing  family;  to  become  the  beloved  instructress  of 
her  children  ;  and  to  fulfil  every  office  by  which  real  and  afiec- 
tionate  friendship  could  manifest  itself: — was  her  unremitting 
exercise,  previous  to  those  severe  bodily  sufferings,  which  con- 
fined her  for  many  years  to  a  sick  chamber. 

Though  Mrs.  Hawkes  was  feelingly  alive  to  the  merciful  al- 
leviations afforded,  especially  in  the  shelter  provided  under  Mr. 
Cecil's  roof,  yet  the  keen  sense  she  had  of  the  painful  facts  of 
her  case,  caused  a  depression  of  spirits,  which  sympathy  could 
not  remove,  though  it  might  alleviate.  She  was  conscious  of 
her  weakness  in  this  respect.  During  the  interval  of  painful 
suspense  previous  to  the  sale  at  Holloway,  in  addressing  a 
friend  who,  with  much  kindness  and  wisdom,  was  acting  as  her 
representative  there,  she  writes  as  follows: — 

"  I  hope  when  you  see  me  melancholy,  you  will  always  re- 


ciiAr.  IV — FROM  A.  D.  1T9G  TO  1802.  139 

member  it  is  a  very  serious  defect  in  my  character.     Were  I 
as  I  ought  to  be,  nothing,  with  my  privileges,  and  eternal  pi 
pects,  would  sink  my  spirits  :   but  I  am  frail  ;  may  you, 
dear  friend,  escape  my  pains,  and  my  weakness." 


OS- 

mv 


About  the  month  of  July,  Mrs.  Hawkes  went,  for  a  short 
time,  to  Portsmouth,  where  Mr.  Hawkes  had  some  opening 
prospects  :  while  there,  she  was  very  ill.  She  had  also  a 
narrow  escape  from  being  drowned  while  bathing,  as  appears 
by  the  following  memorandum  : — 

Portsmouth^  July  19,  1797. — "By  the  special  providence 
of  God,  I  was  this  day  delivered  from  the  very  jaws  of  death. 
A  sudden  movement  of  the  bathing  machine,  threw  me  violently 
down  the  steps  into  the  sea.  The  machine  was  drawn  very 
swiftly  up  the  beach,  while  the  waves  carried  me  some  way 
further  into  the  sea.  I  expected  to  be  soon  launched  into  the 
wide  ocean.  When  most  wonderfully,  I  know  not  how,  I  felt 
myself  drifted  by  the  waves  back  again;  and  turning  on  my 
hands  and  knees,  1  crept  towards  the  shore.  But  as  no  assist- 
ance was  near,  I  every  moment  expected  a  returning  wave  to 
sweep  me  away  for  ever.  In  this  situation,!  cried,  '  Lord 
save  me'?'  and  to  his  saving  help  it  alone  belongs,  that  I  am 
alive  at  this  moment,  to  record  his  wonderful  deliverance. 

"  The  attendants,  though  wishing  to  put  the  best  face  upon 
the  affair,  seemed  involuntarily  to  assure  me,  that  they  had 
given  me  up  for  lost  I  and  my  kind  friend  M.  M.,  in  the  midst 
of  her  distress,  never  more  expecting  to  see  me,  save  as  a 
corpse,  began  to  say  to  herself  concerning  me,  ^now  her  troubles 
are  all  over  !' 

"  But  a  wise  and  over-ruling  Providence  had  otherwise  deter- 
mined ;  and  only  presented  death  to  my  view,  without  giving 
me  into  its  power.  I  am  deeply  impressed  with  this  truth,  that 
there  is  but  a  step  between  life  and  death  ;  and  that  true  wis- 
dom consists  in  standing  at  all  times  prepared  for  the  awful 
change.  The  voice  of  this  deliverance  is,  (and  oh,  may  I  have 
ears  to  hear!)  'Let  your  loins  be  girded  about,  and  your  lights 
burning.'  Luke  xii.  34 — 43  ;  also  Psalm  cxxi.  seems  parti- 
cularly appropriate  ;  and  as  the  Lord  hath  so  wonderfully  pre- 
served my  going  out  and  coming  in,  I  trust  he  will  for  ever 
watch  over  his  unworthy  creature  for  good." 

Amidst  the  various  difficulties  with  which  Mrs.  Hawkes  was 
surrounded  at  Portsmouth,  she  wrote  to  Mr.  Cecil  for  advice, 
who  replied  as  follows  : — 

*  I  cannot  express  what  I  feel  for  your  present  indisposition, 


140  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS,  IIAWKES. 

in  a  situation  so  difficult  as  you  describe  ;  and  therefore  shall 
say  nothing  more  upon  it  than  this,  that  I  know  when  Mrs.  C. 
(who  is  now  absent  from  town)  sees  your  letter,  she  will  feel 
vei;y  impatient  for  your  return  ;  and  I,  as  your  minister,  ought 
to  counsel  you  not  to  act  from  false  standards,  as  if  your  re- 
turning sooner  than  you  intended  looked  like  caprice.  It  is 
enough  for  us  to  do  our  duty  ;  but  we  cannot  do  that  in  many 
cases,  if  we  will  act  only  as  we  can  explain  every  particular 
action  ;  especially  does  this  hold  in  matters  that  are  not  at  all 
of  a  moral,  but  merely  of  a  circvmstaniial  nature.  I  hope 
therefore,  you  will  stay  no  longer  than  is  necessary  for  your 
own,  or  Mr.  Hawkes's  satisfaction  ;  and  as  I  write  for  my  wife 
as  well  as  myself,  I  can  assure  you  most  sincerely,  that  your 
return  will  afford  solid  satisfaction  and  pleasure  to  us. 

'I  am  sure,  (averse  as  I  am  to  give  my  notes,)  that  I  ought 
to  refuse  you  nothing  that  can  be  of  use  to  you  in  present  cir- 
cumstances : — tlierelbre  take  the  following  as  a  great  favour, 
which  would  have  been  (1  believe)  denied  at  any  other  time. 

Luke  xxi.  19.  "In  your  patience  possess  ye  your  souls." 
'  These  words  were  addressed  to  the  disciples  with  respect  to 
certain  impending  trials.  If  any  one  present  feels  himself  not 
liable  to  trouble,  loss,  temptation,  death, — let  him  go  away  this 
morning,  and  say,  the  minister  took  a  subject  which  had  no  re- 
lation to  my  case  :  but  if  "  man  is  born  to  trouble  as  the  sparks 
fly  upward,"  if  he  is  liable  to  lose  possession  of  himself  under 
it,  then  let  him  pray  to  possess  his  soul  in  patience. 

I.  What  is  it  for  a  Christian  to  possess  his  soul  in  trying 
times? 

'A  Christian — for  the  words  are  addressed  to  believers: — 
"  Do  men  gather  grapes  of  thorns,  or  figs  of  thistles  ?" — It  im- 
plies, 

1st.  Recollection.  Nehemiah — "  Should  such  a  man  as  I 
flee?"  Neh.  vi.  11. 

2dly.  Dependence.  Jehoshaphat — "  Our  eyes  are  up  unto 
thee."  2  Chron.  xx.  12. — Three  children  in  the  furnace,  Dan. 
iii.  16. 

3dly.  Submission  to  the  dispensation.  Job — "  The  Lord 
gave,"  «fec. — Daniel  in  the  den  of  Lions.  Paul,  "  Behold  I  go 
bound,"  &c. 

4thly.  Readiness  to  perform  the  duties  of  it,  however  diffi- 
cult.— Esther's  reply  to  Mordecai.     Esther  iv.  16. 

5thly.  Disregard  to  the  constructions  of  a  blind  world ;  and 


CHAP.  IV. FKOU  A.  D.  1796  TO  1802.        141 

returning  good  for  evil.  Instance,  Christ — "Father  forgive 
them."  Stephen — "  Lord,  lay  not  this  sin  to  their  charge." 

'  The  words  of  the  text  are,  as  if  Christ  should  say,  A  dread- 
ful shock  is  approaching;  (see  the  description  through  the  chap- 
ter,) but  whatever  you  sutfer  or  lose,  do  not  lose  youkselves. 
"  Let  patience  have  its  perfect  work."  Like  Moses,  endure  as 
*'  seeing  him  who  is  invisible."  1  have  laid  a  foundation  for 
this.  See  ver.  18.  Stand  still,  theretore,  and  see  the  salva- 
tion of  the  Lord. 

IL  How  the  soul  is  to  be  possessed. 

'  Not  by  stoical  Insensibility — ambitious  hardness — pagan 
vain-glory  ;  but  in  Christian  patience,  arising  out  of  faith  on  a 
Divine  assurance;  see  ver.  18. 

*  Christian  virtues  are  a  chain.   Rom.  v.  1 — 5. 

*  Stoical  virtue  may  look  like  a  Christian,  but  is  as  a  shining 
counterfeit.  Your  patience  must  be  distinct  from  theirs.  God 
looks  at  motives — principles — as  roots  of  fruit  he  commends. 

'  It  is  the  Spirit  of  Christ  which  must  unite  us  to  Christ,  from 
whom  alone  our  fruit  is  found.  This  is  the  suffering  Spirit  of 
Christ,  in  the  members  of  Christ.  Heb.  xii.  A  holy  quiet, 
calm  repose,  solid  peace,  believing  resignation,  well-grounded 
fortitude. 

"  I  see,"  said  the  ancient  disciple,  "  a  horrid  tumult  coming 
on,  but  I  must  endeavour  to  keep  it  from  entering  my  heart. 
I  must  remember  his  words,  or  I  shall  lose  myself.  It  may 
distract, — no  maiter: — this  is  no  affair  of  mine;  He  has  said, 
'  Thy  shoes  shall  be  iron  and  brass — and  as  thy  days,  so  shall 
thy  strength  be.'  Lord,  undertake  for  me  in  that  day  !  keep 
me  in  possession  of  my  soul,  whatever  else  i  am  stripped  of." 

'Thus  also  a  modern  true  disciple  will  be  instructed,  and 
will  say, — I  (as  well  as  the  disciples  of  old)  must  meet  with 
many  things  that  nothing  but  faith  and  patience  can  meet:  here 
is  my  text,  what  have  I  lost  already  for  want  of  studying  it! 
what  did  I  lose  on  this  occasion,  and  that,  by  first  losing  my- 
self/ 

'Under  losses,  temptations,  persecutions,  how  much  more 
have  I  lost  by  first  losing  my  temper  and  patience,  than  by  the 
things  which  disturbed  me!  Now  let  me  look  at  Christ,  exem- 
plifying his  own  rule  in  life  and  death.  Let  me  see  his  first 
followers  and  martyrs,  in  every  age,  treading  in  his  steps  I  I 
feel,  if  I  were  but  right  within^  all  would  be  tolerable  without. 
Grant  me  but  faith  and  patience,  and  do  what  thou  wilt  with 
the  world  about  me. 

'  Thus  we  see,  that  it  is  easy  to  say  to  a  man  in  trouble, — 


142  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

*'  be  patient,  be  quiet ;" — but  the  word  of  God,  and  the  grace 
of  God  alone  can  make  him  so.  Christ  shews  the  ground,  and 
gives  the  ability  (see  ver.  18, 19,)  and  this  will  meet  the  events 
of  Eternity  as  well  as  time.     Application  : — 

1.  Let  the  peevish  children  of  an  indulging  Providence  learn, 
from  this  subject,  to  correct  their  habits — (a  nursery  of  chil- 
dren raging  on  every  denial  or  disappointment,  compared  with 
too  many  professing  families)  husbands — wives — children — 
servants — addressed  particularly.  One  Christian  jwssessing 
his  sovl  among  them,  a  light  in  a  dark  place.  Who  is  this? 
What  is  his  secret  ? 

2.  Look  to  Jesus  to  give  efficacy  to  his  own  rule.  The  text 
is  not  only  a  holy  feature  in  Christianity,  but  also  a  very  grand 
one. 

'  Illustration — a  rock  in  storms. 

"  His  hand  the  good  man  fastens  on  the  skies, 
And  bids  earth  roll,  nor  feels  her  idle  whirl." 

«  But  if  he  does  so,  it  is  not  merely  because  he  has  the  rule,  but 
also  the  sjnrit.  Instance,  Paul — "  not  I,  but  the  grace  of  God 
which  is  in  me  ;"  Moses — "  by  faith  he  endured  as  seeing  him 
who  is  invisible." 

«  Contemplate  therefore  the  example  of  Christ,  but  pray  for 
strength  tVom  Christ. 

3.  He  that  is  now  enabled  to  possess  his  soul  in  patience, 
shall  eventually  possess  all  things.     Heb.  vi.  12,  9,' 

In  the  beginning  of  October,  JMrs.  Hawkes  left  Portsmouth, 
and  joined  Mrs.  Cecil  at  Battersea  Rise.  The  late  Plenry 
Thornton,  Esq.  had  kindly  otiered  the  use  of  his  house,  during 
an  interval  in  which  it  was  vacant,  to  Mr.  Cecil's  family  ;  and 
in  this  quiet  retreat  Mrs.  Hawkes  enjoyed  much  repose  :  while 
there,  she  received  a  letter  from  Mrs.  Ely  Bales,  from  which 
the  following  is  an  extract : — 

"  Very  glad  was  I  to  hear  that  Mrs.  Cecil  was  at  Clapham  : 
but  still  more  am  I  glad  to  find  that  you  are  with  her,  and  do- 
ing for  her  the  only  thing  that,  as  a  means,  could  be  useful  to 
her.  Surely  you  are  a  gift  of  God  to  her  in  her  very  delicate 
state  : — may  his  blessing  accompany  your  labor  of  love.  It  is 
a  delightful  thing  to  feel  ourselves  in  His  order;  a  single /owc/t 
then  has  effect;  while  much  that  is  wrought,  with  perhaps 
great  labour  out  of  it,  comes  to  nothing.  This  shews  what 
poor  judges  we  are  of  usefulness.     The  world  is  linked  together 


CHAP.  IV. — FROM  A.  D.  1796  TO  1802.      143 

(as  far  as  union  prevails),  by  wants  and  kindnesses.  But  that 
there  should  be  such  a  link  between  heaven  and  earth,  ou'rht 
to  penetrate  our  hearts  with  adoration  and  gratitude!  Me- 
thinks  it  ought  to  give  us  another  view  of  this  world  than  we 
often  have,  to  behold  a  ladder  reaching  from  it  to  heaven  !  It 
is  not  a  forsaken  world  :  we  stand  related  to  infinite  perfection 
and  excellence  ;  and  this  involves  in  it  such  a  seed  of  happi- 
ness and  glory,  as  only  wants  developing,  to  raise  our  hopes 
and  joys  above  sublunary  objects.  This  would  really  infuse 
gladness,  raise  exj)ectation,  and  draw  forth  the  soul  to  action — 
to  follow  hard  after  God.     Oh  that  it  may  do  so  ?" 


Mr.  Cecil  has  remarked,  that  we  may  judge  of  a  Christian's 
experience  rather  by  the  tenor,  than  the  ferment.  The 
next  three  or  four  years  of  Mrs.  Hawkes's  life,  seem  to  ac- 
cord with  the  latter  description.  The  reader  must  be  prepared 
to  contemplate  her  as  passing  under  a  cloud.  The  sorrowful 
impressions  which  her  trials  produced,  were  perhaps /oo  ^rea/, 
when  viewed  in  connexion  with  the  scripture  admonition,  "and 
they  that  weep,  as  though  they  wept  not,"  1  Cor.  viii.  30. 
We  shall  presently  see  her  emerging  from  this  cloud,  and 
shining  with  a  steady  brightness  to  the  end  of  her  course, — 
There  is  a  tendency  in  troubles  and  disappointments,  at  first, 
to  surprise  and  overset  the  mind  ;  though  when  sanctified, 
they  ultimately  lead  to  rest  in  Christ,  the  Vue  ark.  Nor  can 
the  greatness  of  sufl^ering  be  always  estimated  by  the  apparent 
cause;  the  impression  it  makes  upon  the  mi^f^  of  the  sufferer 
must  be  taken  into  the  account.  When  under  the  immediate 
pressure  of  affliction,  we  are  apt  to  suppose,  with  Job,  that  our 
"  wound  is  incurable."  (chap,  xxxiv.  6.)  Corrupt  nature  nat- 
urally inclines  to  fret,  and  rise  up  against  trouble  in  every 
form ; — and  there  must  be  time  for  an  afflicted  mind,  which 
like  the  mariner's  needle,  under  agitation,  loses  its  fixed  direc- 
tion, to  recover  from  such  disturbance.  Every  painful  dispensa- 
tion is  like  a  fresh  task  in  the  heavenly  school.  Hezekiah 
seems  to  have  felt  this  when  he  said,  "  Like  a  Crane  or  a 
Swallow,  so  did  I  chatter;  I  did  mourn  sore  like  a  dove." 
But  after  more  calm  reflection,  he  asks,  "  What  shall  I  say?" 
what  is  faith's  estimate?  "  He  that  hath  both  spoken  to  me, 
and  himself  hath  done  it;  O  Lord,  by  these  things  men  live, 
and  in  all  these  things  is  the  life  of  my  spirit."  The  afflic- 
tions, conflicts,  and  temptations,  through  which  the  children  of 


144  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

God  are  called  to  pass,  produce  not  only  patience,  but  also 
gain  experience,  and  acquaintance  with  the  inward  evils  of  the 
heart ;  which  design  is  intimated,  Deut.  viii.  2.  When  reflect- 
ing upon  the  pain  with  w^hich  this  experience  has,  sometimes, 
been  wrought  out  in  others,  we  may  perhaps  think,  that  in 
similar  circumstances,  we  should  have  felt  less,  mourned  less, 
repined  less;  but  it  should  be  remembered,  that  the  measure 
of  suffering  attendant  on  any  dispensation,  is  a  part  of  the  ap- 
pointment ;  and  that  God  registers  the  believer's  conflicts  and 
sufferings,  as  i^eal.     Ps.  Ivi.  8. 

We  now  return  to  Mrs.  Hawkes's  diary,  in  which  few  in- 
sertions had  lately  been  made.  Probably  she  did  not  choose 
to  put  down  on  paper  what  so  greatly  oppressed  her  mind : — 

Jan.  1798,  Little  James  Street. — "  1  would  endeavour  this 
year  to  resume  the  use  of  my  common-place  book:  but  my 
mind  yet  continues  too  much  disturbed  to  make  any  connected 
reflections.  Through  the  year  1797,  I  have  had  so  many 
waves  to  struggle  with,  as  to  be  scarcely  able  to  keep  my 
head  above  water :  and  though  the  swelling  of  the  flood  a  lit- 
tle subsides,  yet  I  am  still  upon  an  unknown  and  deep  sea. 
*  Fearfulness  and  trembling  are  come  upon  me.' 

"  I  am  thankful  that  my" faith  is  not  suffered  entirely  to  fliil. 
I  sometimes  lay  hold  of  a  promise,  like  a  child  in  a  dark  night, 
who  seizes  the  parent's  hand  which  he  cannot  see;  and  his 
fears  make  him  grasp  it  harder.  Were  my  faith  stronger,  I 
should  have  fewer  fears;  but  to  be  enabled  to  lay  hold  of 
God's  almighty  arm  at  all,  is  an  infinite  mercy.  If  his  'rough 
wind  were  not  stayed  in  the  day  of  the  east  wind,'  surely  my 
spirit  must  fail  under  its  great  sorrows. 

"I  never  expected  to  understand,  as  I  now  do,  what  persons 
in  trouble  meant  by  disliking  letters.  My  whole  frame  shakes 
at  the  sound  of  a  post-knock,  lest  there  should  be  some  sad 
tidiniis  for  me.  Oh  that  I  had  grace  to  understand  that  pro- 
miser  'He  shall  not  be  afraid  of  evil  tidings,  his  heart  is  fixed, 
trusting  in  the  Lord.'  '  He  only  lives  an  unchangeable  life,  that 
by  faith  can  live  on  an  unchnngeable  God.'  " 

Feb.  10. — "  '  When  my  father  and  my  mother  forsake  me, 
the  Lord  taketh  me  up.'  This  I  am  sure  has  been  my  experi- 
ence. In  a  dreadful  tempest  that  has  swept  away  all  my 
pleasant  things,  God  has  graciously  provided  a  shelter  for  me, 
and  found  me  the  kindest  parents,  brothers,  and  sisters,  friends, 
in  the  whole  world.  Nothing  can  equal  the  tenderness  I  ex- 
perience every  hour  of  the  day  in  this  Christian  house.  I  am 
ashamed  and  confounded  that  I  am  not  more  thankful : — that 


CHAP.  IV. FROM  A.  D.  1796  TO  1802.       145 

my  heart  so  steals   to  its  former  much-loved  haunts.     How 
many  have  my  afflictions,  without  my  mercies  ! 

*  When  I  would  comfort  myself  against  sorrow,  my  heart  is 
faint  in  me.' 

"  Oh  my  sweet  home ! — my  lovely  fields  ! — my  secret  cham- 
ber !  How  often  have  I  fled  like  an  affrighted  bird  to  your  sa- 
cred retirement! — how  often  poured  out  tears  of  anguish,  and 
received  comforts  which  the  world  could  neither  give  nor  take 
away ! 

"  I  thought  myself  more  secure  in  my  home,  because  it  was 
given  me  in  a  time  of  deep  trouble,  and  in  answer  to  many 
prayers  : — because,  in  the  best  manner  I  could,  I  dedicated 
it  to  God;  and  promised  that,  as  far  as  I  could  ensure,  it 
should  never  be  made  the  reception  of  the  gay  and  the  giddy. 

"Witness  ye  solitary  walks!  ye  walls  and  beams  of  my 
chamber!  if  1  took  any  delight  in  you  equal  to  that  of  holding 
sweet  intercourse  with  an  unseen,  but  to  me,  gracious  and 
present  God  and  Saviour!  My  pleasures  were  sacred  plea- 
sures ;  and  such  as  made  large  amends  for  many  troubles.  I 
had  much  leisure,  but  always  found  the  day  too  short  for  my 
employ.  Beloved  spot!  how  can  I  bear  the  thought  of  giving 
it  up  !  my  imagination  visits  every  corner,— counts  every  pain 
of  glass ; — nothing  is  too  minute  to  be  remembered.  Rather 
let  my  recollection  retrace  my  former  dedication,  when  I  first 
took  possession  of  that  retreat,  and  mark  with  shame  my  de- 
viations. '  Behold  the  Lord's  hand  is  not  shortened  that  it 
cannot  save  ;  nor  his  ear  heavy  that  he  cannot  hear.' 

"  I  endeavour  to  call  to  remembrance  some  of  my  hitter 
things  at  Holloway.  1  had  many,  very  many;— but  the  bitter 
was  so  much  sweetened  by  manifold  mercies,  that  I  ouaht  to 
have  felt  nothing  but  thankfulness  :  whereas,  I  often  ^mur- 
mured. 

"  Great  trials  prove  what  strength  we  have.  I  have  been 
greatly  deceived  in  myself  herein  ;\and  have  thought  far  more 
highly  of  myself  than  I  ought  to  think:  for  1  thought,  that  be- 
cause I  was  enabled  to  weather  the  trials  and  tniubles  I  then 
had,  with  some  degree  of  courage,  and  even  through  all,  gen- 
erally,  to  go  on  my  way  rejoicing,  that  I  did  great  things  ;  and 
that  whatever  might  befal,  I  should  never  be  cast  down,  or  af- 
frighted. But  now  where  is  my  strength  ?  It  is  very  weakness. 
Now  where  is  my  triumph  ?  I  am  become  dumb.  Evermore 
after  this,  I  must  lay  my  hand  upon  my  mouth.  It  is  easy  to 
be  joyous  in  sunshine.  I  fear  I  have  been  very  prone  to  self, 
conceit  and  high  mindedness. 

la 


146  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

"  The  flesh  is  ready  to  cry  out,  '  It  is  hard  :'  such  a  one, 
and  such  a  one,  is  exempt  from  my  afflictions,  they  dwell  among 
their  own  people,  and  can  lie  down  at  night  upon  their  own  pil- 
low, none  making  them  afraid.  But  woe  be  to  me,  if  after  all  the 
experience  1  have  had,  Satan  prevails  to  make  me  think  my 
Saviour  a  hard  master.  No  !  whom  he  lovelh  he  chasteneth. 
It  is  not  for  a  sinner  to  say,  Why  may  I  not  have  this  or  that? 
and  therefore,  it  is  not  for  me.  My  afflictions  are  far  less 
than  I  deserve,  and  my  mercies  far  above  my  highest  expec- 
tations. 

"  Never  say,  I  have  no  propensity  to  this  or  that  particular 
failing,— stay,  till  that  trial  or  temptation  comes,  to  prove  it. 

"  In  recolfecting  seasons  and  scenes  that  are  past,  the  plea- 
sant things  only  are  present  to  the  mind  ;  the  painful  are  for- 
gotten, or  leave  but  a  slight  impression.  The  conviction  of 
this,  should  be  moderate  present  grief." 

Mrs.  Hawkes's  reverting  in  these  memorandums  to  tlie  joys 
she  possessed,  as  well  as  to  the  sorrows  she  endured,  at  Hol- 
lovvay,  suggests  the  reflection,  that  perhaps  one  of  the  designs 
which  God  has  in  afflicting  his  people,  is  to  cause  them  to  con- 
sider wisely  o^h\s  past  dealings  with  them.  Every  mitiga- 
tion of  suffering,  towards  a  creature  who  deserves  hell,  every 
good  with  which  evil  is  intermixed,  demands  that  "  sacrifice  of 
praise  to  God  continually,"  which  is  "the  fruit  of  our  lips." 
This  sacrifice  we  must  on  no  account  withhold  under  any 
pressure  of  affliction  ;  for  let  the  sufferings  of  the  present  time 
be  as  great  as  they  may,  still,  "  It  is  of  the  Lord's  mercies 
that  we  are  not  consumed,  because  his  compassions  fail  not. 
They  are  new  every  morning."  "  But  no  chastisement  for 
the  present  seemeth  to  be  joyous,  but  grievous :"  it  is  after- 
ward, that  it  "  yieldelh  the  peaceable  iVuit  of  righteousness 
unto  them  who  are  exercised  thereby  :"  and  the  subject  of  this 
Memoir  lived  to  exemplify  this  special  benefit  of  affliction  in  an 
eminent  degree. 

Mrs.  Hawkes's  diary  contains  many  passages  abounding  in 
expressions  of  gratitude  towards  that  family  in  which  she  was 
now  residing.  Such  passages  would  have  been  withheld  from 
the  public,  did  not  justice  to  the  sentiments  of  Mrs.  H.  require 
that  they  should  not  bo  wholly  omitted.  And  it  is  to  be  remem- 
bered,  that  those  whom  they  princij  ally  concern,  are  removed 
beyond  the  reach  of  human  applause. 

'March  17,  1798.—"  David  says,  *  I  said  in  my  haste  all 
men  are  liars.'  Is  it  not  in  my  haste  that  I  am  ready  to  say, 
♦  All  my  pleasant  things  are  taken  away  ;  I  shall  see  no  more 


CHAP.  IV. FROM  A.  D.  1796  TO  1802.        147 

comfortable  daysl'  Yes,  it  is  surely  in  haste; — for  my  plea- 
sant things  are  not  all  taken  away  ;  I  have  yet  the  pre- 
cious Gospel;  I  have  still  the  kindest  and  truest  friends;  I 
have,  even  under  present  darkness,  a  blessed  prospect  of  an 
eternal  home ;  1  have,  then,  far  more  cause  for  praise  than 
for  mourning. 

"  It  is  a  most  singular  favour  that  I  should,  at  this  time  be  ad- 
mitted into  this  family.  As  my  mind  has  a  thousand  secret 
avenues  to  pain,  so  my  dearest  friends  have  a  thousand  kind 
devices  to  avert  its  approach  :  so  much  delicacy  of  apprehen- 
sion, so  much  refined  generosity,  so  much  true  parental  regard, 
I  should  never  have  dared  to  expect.  Behold,  '  this  is  the 
Lord's  doing,'  and  it  is  truly  marvelous  in  my  eyes.  May  I 
never  forget  the  first,  sovereign,  and  bountiful  disposer, — nor 
be  unmindful  of  the  willing  handa  that  dispense  his  goodRess." 

March  25,  lAftle  James  Street. — "  How  hidden  are  the 
feelings  of  an  afflicted  mind  I  How  far  from  being  under- 
stood by  the  gross  or  the  hard! 

"  I  received  exquisite  comfort  to-day,  because  my  kindest 
friends  seemed  unwilling  I  should  accept  an  invitation  to  spend 
the  day  out;  and  because  they  repeatedly  charged  me  to 
*  make  haste  home,'  What!  said  my  yearning  heart,  have  I 
then  yet  a  home?  Have  I,  in  this  wide  world,  such  as  really 
care  for  me?  May  every  poor  desolate  creature  find  such  a 
home,  and  such  comforters  !  and  may  such  kindness  be  re- 
turned a  thousandfold  into  their  own  bosoms!  If  a  cup  of 
cold  water,  given  in  Christ's  name,  or  for  his  sake,  shall  not 
lose  its  reward,  what  reward  shall  be  given  for  the  'oil  and 
the  wine'  that  is  given  me  in  such  abundance." 

March  24. — "  Some  very  valuable  friends  in  town  show  me 
much  kindness.  Sympathy  and  tenderness  is  truly  all  that  is 
worth  desiring  in  this  poor  world.  At  least  there  is  nothing 
else,  of  earthly  growth,  so  desirable;  nor  is  this  of  earthly 
growth,  for  I  never  saw  it  firm,  uniform,  and  unremitted,  but 
when  it  grew  from  a  divine  stock,  and  had  its  root  in  religion. 

"  My  revered  minister  remarked  yesterday  ; — 

'  In  affliction,  be  careful  not  to  go  over  your  troubles  alone. 
It  is  very  hurtful  to  look  on  trouble  but  as  you  look  on  God  in 
Christ  at  the  same  time.  Peter  took  his  eye  oW  Christ,  and 
looked  at  the  waters,  and  immediately  he  began  to  sink. 

'  The  Christian,  like  his  Master,  must  overcome  the  world  ; 
and  one  method  of  doing  so,  is  to  submit  to  painful  dispensa- 
tions with  patience  and  resignation, — "  Looking  to  Jesus.-" 


148 


ME3I0IKS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 


'  In  difficult  times,  our  care  concerning  the  events  o[  \he  day, 
should  be  swallowed  up  in  a  care  about  the  duties  of  the  day. 

'  To  be  under  trouble,  and  to  know  how  to  act  under  trouble, 
is  a  distinct  thing.  Christ  teaches  us  how  to  receive  the  cup 
of  suffering.  He  says,  "  learn  of  me;"  see  how  I  took  a  cup 
more  bitter  than  you  can  have.  I  was  to  drink  it  in  darkness, 
and  under  my  Father's  frown.  Every  Christian  may  tell  to 
God  his  tale  of  woe,  which  no  ear  besides  may  hear.  The 
most  severe  sufferings  often  arise  from  causes  which  cannot  be 
told  even  to  the  nearest  friend;  interior,  deep,  inexorable.  But 
this  should  suffice,  "  1  have  chosen  thee  in  the  furnace  of  af- 
fliction ;"  i.  e.  made  thee  a  choice  one.' 

During  Mrs.  Hawkes's  abode  at  Mr.  Cecil's  house,  she  gen- 
erally passed  a  part  of  the  summer  either  in  the  Isle  of  Wight 
— where  Mr.  Hawkes  occasionally  resided — or  with  M  rs.  Jones, 
at  Birmingham.  In  the  following  letter,  Mrs.  Jones  expresses 
the  pleasure  with  which  she  was  now  anticipating  her  sister's 
visit  ;  and  at  the  same  time, endeavours  to  direct  ]\jrs.  Hawkes's 
views  to  the  bright  side  of  her  present  dispensation.  She 
writes  ; — 

"  I  am  glad  to  think  that  one  more  fortnight  will  bring  my 
loved  sister  to  my  house ;  though  I  also  know,  that  the  plea- 
sure of  our  meeting  depends  wholly  upon  Him  who  governs 
contingencies.  The  want  of  his  presence,  no  earthly  enjoy- 
ment could  supply  :  but  we  will  look  in  faith  for  future  favours, 
since  past  mercies  have  been  so  bountifully  afforded.  A  daily 
increase  in  faith  and  love,  is  what  my  soul  longs  for  ;  and,  I 
hope,  we  shall  mutually  strive  for  the  faith  of  the  gospel. 

"  Amidst  all  the  storms  through  which  you  are  passing,  I  am 
glad  to  hear  that  you  hold  so  firmly  to  your  anchor.  May  no 
tempestuous  blast  be  permitted  to  wrest  you  from  it.  It  is  a 
happy  thing  to  be  kept  from  choosing,  to  which  we  are  all  na- 
turally inclined  ;  and  we  have  often  much  cause  to  repent  of 
our  choice.  Your  heavenly  Father  knoweth  w  hat  things  you 
have  need  of,  and  therefore  he  has  determined  for  you  ;  and, 
sure  I  am,  it  is  his  gracious  intention  to  make  you  happy  in  the 
lot  of  his  appointment.  How  unfavourably  soever  your  tem- 
poral affairs  may  have  seemed  to  terminate,  their  grand  and 
final  termination  is  within  the  veil,  and  will  be  made  fully  mani- 
fest when  Christ  appears  in  his  glory.  Then,  my  dear  sister, 
shall  the  saints  put  on  their  beautiful  garments.  Our  Saviour 
appeared  as  "  a  man  of  sorrows"  all  the  time  that  he  sojourned 
here  below.  He  was  poor,  destitute,  without  habitation,  or 
where  to  lay  his  head.     Oh,  how  differently  do  men  and  an- 


CHAP.  IV^ FROM  A.  D.  1796  to  1802.  149 

gels  look  upon  the  same  object!  May  the  spiritual  eye  of  my 
beloved  sister  be  so  enli(,fhtcned  by  the  Holy  Ghost,  that  she 
may  say,  Most  gladly  do  I  proceed  in  this  sanctified  and  holy 
walk,  in  which  Christ,  and  so  many  of  his  disciples,  have  gone 
before  me. 

"  I  cannot  express  the  consolation  it  gives  me,  to  think  of 
the  kind  hands  which  have  been  already  stretched  out  to  re- 
ceive you.  May  you  never  experience  the  want  of  such  a  sis- 
ter and  mother  as  dear  Mrs.  Cecil  ;  nor  lose  the  aid  of  such  a 
father  and  friend  as  Mr.  Cecil.  You  have  the  security  of 
God's  attributes  for  all  things  needful  for  life  and  godliness. 
He  can  never  want  the  modes  of  conveyance,  who  has  all  na- 
ture at  his  beck.  If  he  says,  '  Behold  thy  mother,  or  thy  sis- 
ters,'— a  home  is  provided. 

'*  How  is  all  glorying  taken  from  the  creature,  under  every 
display  of  Divine  condescension  !  When  the  love  of  God  in 
Christ  Jesus  rises  as  the  glorious  sun,  dispelling  with  its  pow- 
erful beams,  all  the  fogs  of  sin,  and  mists  of  corruption,  we 
are  ready  to  look  at  the  spot  upon  which  it  shines,  as  if  that 
possessed  some  superior  excellence.  No, — the  earth  is  still  an 
earthly  clod  ;  if  it  is  made  more  fruitful  in  one  spot  than  ano- 
ther, it  is  entirely  owing  to  the  vivifying  influence  of  the  ce- 
lestial fire. 

"  How  kind  is  Mr.  Newton  to  hail  you  on  your  way  !  So 
diffusive,  and  ready  to  communicate,  are  men  of  Christian 
love: — but  theirs  is  a  poor  society  to  the  *  general  assembly' 
which  awaits  you.  With  such  prospects  let  us  rejoice  ever- 
more !" 

Mrs.  Jones  here  refers  to  the  fact,  that  Mr.  Newton  being 
at  Mr.  Cecil's  house,  and  hearing  while  at  dinner,  that  Mrs. 
Hawkes  was  confined  to  her  bed  with  illness,  immediately  rose 
up,  saying  to  Mrs.  Cecil,  "  you  should  have  told  me  before," 
(meaning  before  dinner).  And  he  then  proceeded  directly  to 
the  apartment  where  Mrs.  Hawkes  was,  and  falling  on  his 
knees,  offered  up  prayers  for  her.  When  he  returned  to  the 
dining-room,  he  observed, — "  Great  characters  are  not  made 
by  walking  on  carpets." 

Mrs.  Hawkes  passed  the  months  of  May,  June,  and  July,  at 
Mrs.  Jones's  house.  She  thus  records,  in  her  diary,  the  satis- 
faction procured  to  her  by  this  visit  : — 

Birmingham,  May,  1798. — "  Surely  mercy  and  goodness 
follow  me  in  every  place  1  The  kindness  of  my  dear  sister, 
and  her  whol^  family,  is  greater  to  me  now  than  ever.  I  plainly 
13* 


150  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

see  that  she  consults  my  comfort,  morning,  noon,  and  night. 
1  have  escaped  many  things  in  this  journey,  and  in  this  place, 
which  I  had  great  reason  to  fear.  Oh  that  I  could  live  by  the 
day,  and  care  less  about  to-morrow  !  Hut  still  the  morrow, 
and  the  morrow,  will  come  like  a  heavy  burden.  My  mind 
and  spirits  are  here  greatly  relieved  by  leisure,  reading,  and 
quiet." 

Mrs.  Hawkes's  society  was  so  much  valued  by  all  at  Little 
James  Street,  that  her  occasional  absence  became  a  subject  of 
regret:  this  is  naturally  expressed  in  a  letter  that  followed  her 
to  Birmingham,  in  which  Mrs.  Cecil  writes  : — 

"  I  was  greatly  unhinged  by  the  departure  of  my  dearest  sis- 
ter and  friend,  and  wandered  about  from  room  to  room,  I  knew 
not  why,  saying,  'Where  is  Mrs.  Hawkes?'  Nor  are  these 
feelings  peculiar  to  me  only  ;  for  your  absence  is  deeply  felt  by 
all  around  me.  The  harps  of  my  Utile  ones  hang  on  the  wil- 
lows :  they  say.  Mamma,  when  will  Mrs.  Hawkes  come  back? 
I  tell  them  she  had  leave  to  go  only  for  one  monlli,  she  will 
soon  be  here  again. 

"  Since  you  have  been  away,  Mr.  C.  and  myself  have  been 
planning  to  make  your  abode  with  us  more  comfortable,  than 
it  has  hitherto  been,  from  the  want  of  a  spare  bed-room.  We 
have  made  an  arrangement,  and  the  carpenters  are  now  at 
work,  and  before  your  month  is  expired,  your  room  will  be 
completed,  and  will  stand  solitary  till  you  return  to  occupy  it. 
Your  comfort  has  always  been  dear  U)  me:  but  I  must  ever 
despair  of  atl()rding  you  the  interesting  and  improving  society 
which  you  find  in  Mrs.  Jones;  neither  can  I  afford  you  equal 
quiet.  Mr.  Newton  sends  his  love,  and  desires  me  to  say  he 
stands  to  his  promise.  Mr.  Pratt  also  sends  love;  and  I  have 
so  much  to  send  you  from  every  one  here,  children  and  serv- 
ants, that  I  am  afraid  I  should  tire  you  with  particularizing: 
but  'love  is  a  present  for  a  mighty  king.'  I  should  say,  as  I 
was  desired,  that  part  of  the  regard  is  expressed  in  a  wish  for 
your  return,  which  will  ever  be  the  desire  of, 

«'  Your  truly  afleclionate, 

"  J.  Cecil." 

Mrs.  Hawkes  now  felt  very  desirous  to  undertake  some  em- 
ployment, which  might  prevent  her  from  becoming  wholly  de- 
pendent on  her  friends  and  relatives.  This  subject,  among 
others,  occasioned  her  much  solicitude.  She  had,  at  one  time, 
thoughts  of  opening  a  boarding  school :  but  there  were  many 


CHAP.  IV. — FROM  A.  D.  17  96,  TO  1802.      151 

difficulties  in  the  way,  peculiar  to  her  case.  Whether  she  al- 
ludes, in  her  next  memorandum,  to  this  subject,  or  to  the  still 
perplexed  stale  of  her  family  affairs,  is  not  certain. 

June,  1798, — "A  letter  to-day,  res[)ecting  future  prospects, 
has  hurried  together  a  host  of  cares  and  anxieties.  1  can  only 
say  with  Jehoshaphat,  *  Mine  eyes,  O  Lord,  are  upon  thee  ;' — 
upon  thee  to  direct — to  support — to  overrule — to  protect.  I 
would  fain  ask  somethinji;  ;  but  I  am  so  perplexed,  so  confused, 
so  much  in  the  dark,  that  I  know  not  what  to  ask.  '  O  Lord, 
I  am  oppressed,  undertake  for  me.' 

"  When  I  look  at  what  1  have  to  conflict  with,  from  without 
and  from  within,  my  S[)irit  sinks,  and  fear  almost  overwhelms 
me.  Yet  why  should  I  despond,  since  it  is  in  weakness  that 
my  Saviour  makes  known  his  strength.  It  is  in  difficulties 
that  his  wisdom  is  exhibited.  '  Now,  Lord,  make  it  appear 
that  thou  faintest  not,  neither  art  weary  ;  and  that  nothing  can 
stand  before  thee,  and  be  my  hindrance.  Break  through  my 
sins,  the  greatest  hindrance  of  all ;  let  not  these  stop  thy  way, 
nor  bind  thy  hands  ;  I  do  look  to  thee,  O  Saviour;  help,  I  am 
in  trouble.'"  1 

July,  1798. — "Through  infinite  mercy  my  path  begins,  in 
some  degree,  to  brighten  after  a  cloudy  day.  Every  '  heart 
knoweth  its  own  bitterness.'  None  but  the  benight(?d  traveller 
knows  how  dreary  and  fearful,  darkness  makes  a  journey,  es- 
pecially if  the  road  be  full  of  pits  and  precipices;  and  none 
but  he  can  tell  the  comfort  of  a  little  ray  of  light.^^ 

From  Mrs.  Jones's  house,  Mrs.  Ilawkes  went  to  Weather- 
oak-Flill,  near  Birmingham;  the  estate  of  her  brother-in-law, 
Mr.  Mynors.  There  she  spent  a  few  weeks,  before  taking  her 
journey  to  the  Isle  of  Wight,  at  which  place  we  find  her  imme- 
diately after  the  next  memorandum. 

Weather  oak  Hill,  August  1,1 79S. — "  Much  kindness  shown 
me  here.  It  has  been  well  said,  '  Retirement  tells  us  what  we 
sJwuld  be,  but  active  life  tells  us  what  we  are."^  The  truth  of 
this  I  now  fully  prove.  I  did,  indeed,  learn  in  my  former  de- 
lightful seclusion  what  1  should  be;  but  I  did  not  know  how 
distant  from  the  mark  I  was.  I  was  so  ignorant  of  myself  as 
to  think,  that  what  I  was  there,  I  should  be  every  where.  I 
thought  I  bore  very  calmly,  and  courageously,  the  daily  vexa- 
tions and  difficulties  that  occurred  ;  and  remember  to  have  of- 
ten felt,  that  whatever  might  happen,  want,  pain,  or  sorrow,  I 

'  Archbishop  Leighton. 


152  MEMOIRS  or  MRS.  HAWKES. 

could  meet  with  composure.  I  recollect  to  have  frequently  re- 
peated many  texts  of  Scripture,  relating  to  a  suffering  state, 
(of  which  I  then  knew  comparatively  liitle,)  as  if  I  was  in  full 
possession  of  the  secret.  But  now,  how  is  it  with  me?  How 
do  I  bear  my  bereavement,  disappointment,  difficulty,  dark  and 
desolating  prospects?  How  do  1  bear  the  crossing  of  my  will? 
How  do  1  feel  under  a  stale  of  dependence,  and  a  mountainous 
load  of  obligation  ?  How  do  I  conduct  myself  in  more  active 
life?  Do  I  take  care  to  maintain  secret  prayer  through  my  em- 
ployment? This  is  the  breach  of  the  soul,  which  when  stopped, 
it  dies.  Do  1  perform  what  I  have  to  do  cheerfully?  Are  my 
tempers  meek,  gentle,  and  holy  ?  or  have  I  not  rather  a  '  stiff 
neck''  and  '  an  iron  sinew  V  Do  1  behave  to  all  with  patience  and 
humility  ?  U  1  cannot  take  pleasure  in  my  dispensation,  do  I  yet 
fully  submit  and  acquiesce  therein,  and  say,  '  The  Lord  gave, 
and  the  Lord  hath  taken  away;  blessed  be  the  name  of  the 
Lord?'  Conscience!  What  of  thenight?  '  Behold,  I  am  vile;  what 
shall  I  answer  thee?   I  will  lay  mine  hand   upon  my  mouth.'" 

Cowes,  August  20,  1798. — ''  This  is  a  new  place.  I  am 
here  like  a  sparrow  on  the  house-top.  I  sit  ail  the  day  alone. 
I  see  a  beautiful  scene  all  around  me,  and  numerous  faces, 
some  sad,  and  some  gay  :  but  nothing  speaks  to  my  heart, 

"  I  seem  like  one  shipwrecked,  but  have  a  single  plank  left, 
which  just  serves  to  keep  me  from  sinking.  This,  from  the 
darkness  of  the  night,  I  can  only,  as  it  were,  feel  after. 
Sometimes  when  I  have  just  got  to  it,  a  wave  carries  it  away. 
What  an  unspeakable  mercy  it  is  to  have  a  plank,  and  to  be 
assured  it  shall  save  at  last!" 

While  at  Cowes,  Mrs.  Hawkes  received  a  letter  from  Mr. Ce- 
cil, in  which  he  writes  as  follows: — 

"  Past  eight  o'clock  on  Saturday  evening,  and  weary  with  ser- 
monizing, 1  take  a  resting  moment  to  say,  that  though  we  are 
far  asunder,  I  have  communion  with  you  in  spirit.  We  are 
begotten  to  the  same  high  and  inestimable  privileges  :  we  shall 
soon  escape  from  a  world  of  sin  and  sorrow.  I  meet  you  also 
at  a  throne  of  grace,  where  the  foot  of  the  ladder  stands  ;  and 
though,  as  you  know,  seemingly  very  cheerful,  yet  I  have  my 
melancholy  abstractions;  when  the  world  and  all  it  has  to  offer, 
appear  not  only  illusions,  but  tasteless  and  impertinent  to  the  last 
degree.  You,  1  know,  well  understand  this  :  and  are  too  ready 
to  meet  me  here.  But,  '  Hence,  loathed  melancholy,'  as  Mil- 
ton says;  '  Why  should  the  children  of  a  king,  go  mourning 
all  their  days  ?'     VVe  have  ten  thousand  limes  more  cause  for 


CHAP.  IV. — FR03I  A.  D.  1796  TO  1802.  153 

rejoicing  than  for  mourning  ;  and  shall  soon  meet  where  it  shall 
cease  for  ever. 

"  I  am  deeply  impressed  with  this  truth, — that  there  is  but 
one  subject  worth  conversing  upon, — nameh^,  that  .Tcsus  Christ 
is  the  true  God  and  eternal  life;  and  that  having  given  him- 
self for  us,  he  will  withhold  from  us  nothing  that  is  good. 

*' And  now,  pray,  what  is  liollovvay  1  what  is  anything? 
who  would  get  up  to  a  window  to  look  after  dirt?  I  will  not 
waste  any  more  time  and  paper  with  so  much  as  conversing 
about  it. 

•'  Let  met  advise  you  to  consider  your  case  the  more  easy, 
because  it  is  so  ditlicult.  Easy  things  we  are  ready  to  under- 
take ourselves,  and  find  we  cannot  manage  them ;  ditficult 
things  we  are  forced  to  leave,  or  commit  to  God,  and  thus  find 
them  easy.  Now,  by  this  logic,  (which  1  believe  to  be  very 
sound,)  I  have  proved  that  you  are  a  woman  in  tasij  circum- 
stances. 

"  1  hope  your  next  letter  will  be  to  assure  us  you  are  coming 
back  soon.  My  wife  desires  me  to  scold  you  for  staying  so 
long,  and  to  say  how  very  solitary  she  is  without  you;  and 
this  I  know  is  what  she  really /ec/s.  She  joins  me  in  warm- 
est expressions  of  regard." 

Mrs.  Hawkcs  had  not  been  long  at  Cow^es  before  she  was 
refreshed  by  the  company  of  a  female  friend  and  relative,  Miss 
Mary  Milward,  a  young  lady  of  eminent  piety,  who  has  smce 
been  called  to  her  rest,  after  a  long  and  honourable  Christian 
course,  maintained  under  severe  bodily  sufferings.  It  is  to 
her  coming,  that  Mrs.  Hawkes  refers  in  the  next  memoran- 
dum : — 

"  I  look  out  with  earnest  expectation  for  M.  M. — I  shall,  in 
her,  have  a  friend  to  whom  I  can  speak,  and  who  understands 
my  language.  How  great  the  value  of  that  friend  that  rends  the 
heart,  and  will  not  withhold  any  thing  that  can  he  desired  that 
is  good  !  If  [  had  more  intimate  acquaintance  with  my  Saviour, 
1  should  not  be  so  solitary  in  the  absence  of  other  friends." 

Cowes,  Sunday^  Sept.  2. — "Oh  what  Sundays  are  here! 
What  a  church,  where  Chsist  is  not  preached  !  Desolation  of 
desolation!  What  can  flourish  where  there  is  no  living  wa- 
ter? Who  can  be  hea!ed  where  there  is  no  Bethesda  ?  Now, 
surely,  I  know  something  of  David's  state  of  mind  when 
he  wrote  the  84th  Psalm.  What  should  1  do  if  it  were  to 
please  God  to  seperate  me  for  ever  from  his  church  and  peo- 
ple ?     O  heaviest  of  all  calamities  ?     It  would  only  be  accord- 


154  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

ing  to  my  deserts :  but  correct  me  in  mercy,  O  Lord,  and 
not  in  judgment." 

Sept.  15. — "  Much  benefitted  by  reading  over  the  notes  of 
one  of  Mr.  Scott's  sermons,  on  Isaiuh  vi.  '  Under  a  view  of  our 
vileness,  there  is  danger  of  despair  ;  but  God  only  humbles  his 
children  in  order  to  raise  them. 

'  The  prophet  had  no  sooner  felt  the  weight  of  his  iniquities 
in  a  proper  degree,  than  they  were  taken  away.  "  Then  flew 
one  of  the  seraphims  unto  me  having  a  live  coal  in  his  hand; 
and  said,  Lo,  this  hath  touched  thy  lips,  and  thine  iniquity  is 
taken  away." 

*  We  should  learn  the  lesson  of  the  day  : — The  prophet's 
lesson  was  hiimilityj  not  despondencij.'' — This  is  my  lesson 
for  this  day,  Sept.  15,  1798, — humiliation  not  desj)ondency  ; 
resignation  and  silence,  not  impatience  ;  a  calm  waiting 
upon  God  ;  not  quarrelling  with  his  dispensation — though  it 
be  ever  so  painful.  Not  because  it  is  night,  to  say  it  will  ne- 
ver be  morning  :  but  to  say  to  my  soul  under  all,  "  Hope  thou 
in  God."  This  has  been  my  lesson  many  years,  but  I  have 
not  yet  learned  the  A  B  C  of  it." 

Sept.  27. — "  Too  much  cannot  be  said  upon  the  necessity 
and  advantage  of  forming  good  habits  of  every  kind.  But  as 
respects  the  soul,  there  must  be  something  more  than  good 
habits.  1  may  be  in  the  habit  of  praying  to  God  seven 
times  a  day,  and  yet  my  soul  will  be  stupid  and  dead,  unless 
there  be  a  '  new,  spiritual,  supernatural,  vital,  principle  of 
grace  infused  into  it  by  the  power  of  the  Holy  Ghost;  ena- 
bling persons  in  whom  it  is,  to  spiritual,  supernatural,  vital 
acts  of  faith.' 

"  Under  a  conviction  of  neglect,  omissions,  deadness,  1  find 
it  not  enough  to  resolve  upon  greater  diligence,  and  stricter 
observances.  This  is  making  the  yr«?7?e  of  a  m.achine:  but 
the  spring  that  sets  all  in  motion  must  be  added,  or  it  will  be 
useless  work. 

"  O  Thou,  who  knowest  all  things  thou  only  knowest  how 
I  desire  to  sit  down  under  thy  shadow.  O  set  me  as  a  seal 
upon  thine  heart,  and  upon  thine  arm.  Bear  up  my  name, 
and  let  me  bear  thine  image.  Let  nothing  separate  me  from 
thy  love,  nor  for  a  moment  suspend  the  communications  of  thy 
favour !" 

Cowes,  Oct.  3,  1798. — "  A  day  of  general  rejoicing  for  Nel- 
son's victory.  But  while  the  multitude  is  engaged  in  noisy 
joy,  how  many  individuals,  like  myself,  are  groaning  under 
some  private  trouble.     As  for  me,  1  am  in  deep  waters  ;  my 


i 


CHAP.  IV. FR03I    A.  D.   1796  TO   1802.  155 

whole  frame  shakes  under  present  storms;  my  heart  faints  under 
future  prospects  !  O  '  lead  me  to  the  rock  that  is  higher  than  I.' 

"  One  great  advantage  1  find  in  religion,  is,  that  it  gives  me 
an  object,  which  is  at  all  times  sufficient  to  occupy  my  mind. 
So  that  when  friends  are  absent,  when  I  feel  alone  in  the 
great  universe,  religion  brings  me  a  resource.  I  remember  the 
time,  when  to  dissipate  my  mind,  oppressed  with  sorrow,  I 
ran  to  the  theatre,  to  the  public  gardens,  to  company,  to  any  thing 
for  a  moment's  ease  and  freedom  from  thought.  A  momen- 
tary ease  indeed  !  which  in  the  end  increased  the  weight  of  my 
burden.  I  never  knew  what  ease  wa§,  till  I  was  taught  to 
know  and  flee  to  Him,  who  says,  '  Come  unto  me  all  ye  that 
are  weary  and  heavy  laden,  and  I  will  give  you  rest.'  And 
though  1  know  but  as  a  babe,  yet  I  do  know.  He  giveth  rest 
when  none  other  can." 

Portsmouth,  Oct.  30,  1798 — "  '  Even  to-day  is  my  com- 
plaint bitter,  my  stroke  is  heavier  than  my  groaning.'  Job 
xxiii.  iMy  prayer  and  choice  this  day,  is  like  that  of  David,  1 
Chron.  xxi.  13.  Out  of  the  different  paths  which  lie  before 
me,  I  am  entirely  at  a  loss  to  know  which  is  the  right  one. — 
I  would  not  consult  my  own  feeling  :  my  desire  is  to  take  the 
consecrated  path,  the  path  best  pleasing  to  my  heavenlv  Fa- 
ther; for  that  will  be. the  most  profitable  for  me.  He  is  mv 
witness  that  '  1  open  my  cause  unto  him  ;'  and  '  in  all  rny 
ways  I  endeavour  to  '  acknowledge  Him  ;'  and  to  such.  He 
has  promised,  'He  shall  direct  ihy  paths.'  O  that  I  were 
more  like  the  importunate  widow  who  cried  day  and  nio;ht  for 
help  !  1  have  need  to  cry  day  and  night  for  faifh  in  God  for 
the  things  that  pertain  to  my  soul ;  and  faith  also  in  that  which 
belongs  to  my  body.  I  know  not  one  moment  to  what  I  may- 
be called  the  next:  trials  av»'ait  me  which  way  soever  I  turn. 
Oh,  that  1  could,  though  but  in  a  small  degree,  say  with  the 
great  apostle,  'None  of  these  things  move  me.' ' 

Mrs.  Hawkes  returned  to  London  in  November;  and  her 
tender  sympathies  were  shortly  aficr  called  up  afresh,  by  that 
dangerous  illness  with  which  Mr.  Cecil  was  visited,  in  the 
winter  of  1798,  and  which  threatened  a  bereavement  to  his 
family  and  congregation.  The  incessant  attentions  of  Mrs.  H. 
on  this  painful  occasion  were  an  unspeakable  comfort  and  re- 
lief to  Mrs.  Cecil,  who  was  herself  in  an  invalid  state:  and  it 
appears  by  the  following  memorandum,  that  Mrs.  Hawkes's 
mind  became,  in  a  measure  diverted  from  her  own  sorrows, 
while  she  entered  deeply  into  those  of  others. 


156  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

Jan.  1799. — "  The  beginning  of  this  year  is  most  sorrow- 
ful!  I  now  cannot  think  of  my  own  particular  concerns.  My 
time,  my  anxiety,  my  whole  mind  is  occupied,  in  the  great 
sufferings  of  this  family.  I  am  truly  thankful  to  be  so  much 
favoured,  as  to  be  an  attendant  on  my  revered  minister,  my 
father,  and  best  friend  ;  though,  indeed,  the  scene  is  heart- 
rending. How  solemn  is  a  dying-bed  !  May  1  never  forget 
the  instructions  I  gain  here.  I  must  endeavour  to  record  a 
gleaning^  of  the  choice  expressions  of  Mr.  Cecil  upon  his  sick- 
bed ;  but  my  own  feelings  and  views,  I  have  neither  time,  nor 
power,  to  delineate." 

We  have  however  some  description  of  her  feelings,  expressed 
at  this  time  in  a  letter  to  a  friend,  to  whom  she  writes  : — 

"  Since  my  return  to  town,  I  have  been  a  sad  witness  and 
sharer  of  much  sorrow.  Our  revered  minister,  and  my  truest 
friend,  has  been  pronounced,  by  the  physicians,  dangerously 
ill  ;  and  we  have  had  nothing  but  death  before  our  eyes.  You 
will  easily  conceive  the  gloom  such  an  event  must  shed  here; 
and  of  the  distress  of  dearest  Mrs.  Cecil.  Such  a  scene,  I 
never  before  witnessed  !  I  think  myself  much  honoured  and 
privileged,  in  being  permitted  to  assist  at  this  lime  of  need, 
and  I  trust  I  shall  gain  many  important  lessons.  A  sick  and 
dying-bed,  is  very  instructive  and  solemn  ;  and  it  exhibits 
most  wonderfully  the  reality  and  worth  of  true  religion.  To 
behold  a  mind  quiet,  resigned,  and  comforted,  in  the  most  pain- 
ful circumstances, — is  a  fine  sight  !  Well  might  Balaam  say, 
'  Let  me  die  the  death  of  the  righteous.'  And  may  you  and  \ 
add,  let  me  live  their  life,  for  it  is  the  only  happy  one." 

This  painful  dispensation  lasted  about  three  months;  at  the 
end  of  which,  it  pleased  God  to  restore  Mr.  Cecil  to  a  state  of 
convalescence,  and  enabled  him  to  resume  his  public  ministra- 
tions. In  the  month  of  July  following,  Mrs.  Havvkes  was 
again  called  by  relative  duties  to  the  Isle  of  Wight.  The  next 
memorandum  in  her  diary,  seems  to  have  been  written  on  the 
eve  of  her  journey  to  Portsmouth. 

July,  1799,  Little  James  Street "I  am  now  called  in 


'  The  *■' gleaninirs^''  here  referred  to,  have  already  been  given  to  the 
public  in  Mr.  Cecil's  works,  under  the  title,  "  A  Fuag?jkkt  written 
:x  Ili.nkss  "  We  are  indebted  to  Mrs.  Hawkes  for  the  preservation  of 
some  remarks  made  by  Mr.  Cecil,  at  a  later  period,  on  the  subject  of 
Hope.     (See  Appendix.) 


CHAP.  IV. FROM  A.  D.  1796  TO  1802.        157 

providence  to  take  my  third  pilgrimage.  I  should  go  with 
more  ease  of  mind,  could  1  leave  this  family,  (to  whom  I  am 
bound  by  a  thousand  obligations,)  in  better  health.  It  is,  how- 
ever,  an  unspeakable  mercy  that  I  do  not,  as  I  had  much 
feared,  leave  a  widow  and  six  desolate  children,  and  a  widowed 
church.  Farewell,  for  a  season,  at  least,  most  honoured,  and 
most  justly  loved  house  !  Oh  that  the  dew  of  heaven  may  be 
ever  descending  thereon  !  Here  1  have  been  made  to  forget  my 
sorrows  !  '  I  was  a  stranger,  and  they  took  me  in,'  for  the 
sake  of  their  great  Master,  who,  astonishing  proof  of  his  love! 
condescends  to  say,  '  Inasmuch  as  ye  did  it  to  one  of  these 
little  ones,  ye  did  it  unto  me.'  May  this  gracious  Lord  reward 
them  a  hundred-fold  ;  for  none  other  can.  May  he  also  par- 
don my  want  of  gratitude  to  them;  and  above  all,  to  Himself, 
for  the  great  benefits,  the  astonishing  favours,  I  have  expe- 
rienced under  this  sheltering  roof." 

Cowes,  July  9 — "  It  is  with  shame  I  confess,  that  I  cannot 
bring  my  mind  into  a  proper  state  of  submission,  and  acqui- 
escence to  my  present  unsettled  state  of  life.  My  fears  are  al- 
ways awake;  my  apprehensions  cannot  be  cpiieled.  O  my 
gracious  Saviour,  quiet  me  in  thyself:  ihou  hast  the  power  to 
say,  '  Peace,  be  still.'  My  mind  is  too  solicitous  about  '  the 
morrow  :'  but  I  have  been  endeavouring  lo  venture  myself,  by 
faith,  upon  the  deep,  mysterious  ocean  of  providence,  in  the 
same  way  that  I  yesterday  was  necessitated  to  venture  my- 
self, half  terrified  to  death,  upon  a  very  tempestuous  sea,  to 
pass  from  Portsmouth  to  Cowes.  The  vessel  seemed  to  be  in 
great  danger.  We  were  tossed  from  side  to  side  :  sometimes 
lifted  high  upon  a  swelling  wave,  and  then  suddenly  sunk 
down  again  into  a  deep  pit.  1  looked  round,  and  saw  nothing 
but  terror  ;  no  escape,  nor  any  resource  left,  but  to  commit 
myself  to  God. 

"  Thus  would  I  do  while  on  my  present  sea  of  trouble.  It 
is  true,  wave  comes  after  wave ;  I  see  no  prospect,  no  haven 
on  this  side  the  grave,  no  track  to  be  seen,  no  voice  to  be 
heard  !  But  1  will  endeavour  to  gain  a  lessson  from  my  voy- 
age of  yesterday,  and  commit  myself,  and  all  my  concerns  to 
Him,  who  will  do,  nay,  who  doeth,  all  things  well." 

Cowes,  August  4,  Sunday. — "  To  have  no  longer  the  pri- 
vilege  of  the  comfortable  ordinances  of  the  sanctuary,  is  an  af- 
fliction I  know  not  how  to  meet. 

'  Let  me  hear  thy  voice,  for  sweet  is  thy  voice.' 

"  O  let  me  hear  thy  pardoning  voice, — thy  restoring,  reco- 
vering voice, — thy  strengthening,  animating  voice.  Let  me 
14 


158  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

hear  thy  voice,  as  Lazarus,  John  xi.  43.  Let  me  hear  thy 
voice,  as  Mary,  John  xix.  15,  17.  Let  me  hear  thy  voice,  as 
the  beloved  disciple.  Rev.  i.  17,  18.  Let  me  hear  thy  voice, 
as  thy  sheep,  John  x.  27.  Let  me  hear  thy  voice,  as  1  have 
heard  it  in  better  days  ;  for  *  sweet  was  thy  voice,' — in  the 
sanctuary — in  the  Bible — in  my  secret  chamber — in  many 
providences — in  my  heart.  '  The  companions  hearken  to  thy 
voice,'  cause  me  to  hear  it." 

In  Mrs.  Hawkes's  diary,  there  next  occurs  a  reference  to 
Lord  Duncan's  victory  at  the  battle  of  Camperdown,  when  the 
Dutch  fleet,  at  the  Texel,  surrendered,  August  30,  1799. 

"  Great  rejoicings  on  account  of  the  surrender  of  the  Dutch 
fleet.  That  will  be  a  day  of  truest  joy  to  me  when  I  can  make 
a  full  surrender  of  my  heart,  and  my  will,  to  its  only  King  and 
Saviour.  When  the  reign  of  sin  has  submitted  to  the  reign  of 
grace  ;  when  my  spiritual  enemies,  if  not  driven  out,  shall  be 
made  captives,  and  be  bound  in  chains.  And  above  all,  joy- 
ful day  !  when  '  death  shall  be  swallowed  up  in  victory,'  when 
♦this  mortal  shall  put  on  immortality.'  " 

Sept.  1.  "  All  the  time  I  prayed  this  morning — which 
through  the  help  of  the  Holy  Spirit,  I  did  with  '  strong  cries 
and  tears,' — I  kept  shrinking  at  my  own  requests,  for  I  felt, 
even  while  I  asked,  that  in  myself  I  was  neither  able,  nor  will- 
ing, to  bear  what  I  asked. 

"I  know,  or  rather  I  know  not,  what  it  will  cost  a  proud 
heart  like  mine,  to  be  humbled;  a  stubborn,  high  spirit,  to  be 
broken.  The  will  and  the  afiections  are  not  subdued,  without 
being  seven  times  tried,  in  a  furnance  seven  times  heated.  I 
say,  this  and  that  must  take  place,  if  my  prayers  are  an- 
swered ,  and  at  the  this  and  that,  my  spirit  faints.  What  then 
must  be  done?  Shall  I  cry,  spare?  God  forbid  :  rather  let 
me  cry,  strike,  if  thou  seest  good.  The  Lord  never  willing- 
ly afliicts  ;  and  if  he  wounds,  he  will  support  and  heal.  I 
may  safely  leave  myself  in  the  hands  of  a  physician  that  is  too 
wise  to  err,  and  too  compassionate  to  wound,  if  there  is  not  a 
*  needs  be.^ 

"  O  Father  of  mercies  !  on  me, 

On  me,  in  affliction,  bestow, 

A  power  of  applyini?  to  thee," — 

A  sanctified  use  of  my  woe." 

♦'  It  is  a  very  easy  thing  to  go  to  a  physician  and  state  to 
him  my  complaints,  and  particular  disorder  :  to  tell  him  that  I 
have  full  confidence  in  his  skill,  and  in  his  knowledge  of  my 
disease,  and  beg  him  to  undertake  my  case:  but  when  he  pre- 


CHAT.  IV. FROM  A.  D.  1796,  TO  1802.       159 

scribes  bitter  medicines,  severe  operations,  perhaps  amputa- 
tions ;  when  he  enjoins  mortifying  prohibitions,  and  lays  down 
hard  rules,  it  is  not  then  found  so  easy,  as  at  first  it  seemed, 
to  yield  him  an  implicit  obedience. 

"  I  have  let  a  nauseous  medicine  stand,  day  after  day,  upon 
my  chimney-piece,  though  very  ill  all  the  time,  rather  than 
encounter  the  unpleasantness  of  taking  it.  Thus  it  is  I  deal 
with  my  heavenly  physician  :  I  state  my  case  to  him  ;  I  say, 
unless  there  be  a  cure,  my  soul  must  die.  I  endeavour  to  put 
myself  unreservedly  into  his  hands.  I  do  this,  as  far  as  I  am 
able,  sincerely;  and  find  comfort  in  so  doing.  But  when  he 
sends  me  a  bitter  draught,  do  I  take  it?  Do  I  submit  to  the 
pruning  knife,  and  the  purifying  fire?  Do  I  observe  the  pro- 
hibitions, and  follow  the  rules  laid  down  ?  Do  I  deny  myself, 
and  take  up  my  cross  daily,  and  follow  Christ?  Alas,  without 
this,  it  is  but  to  little  purpose  to  beg  for  healing.  That  man  de- 
ceives himself  whose  general  conduct  contradicts  his  prayers." 

Sept.  3 — "  Returned  with  Mr.  H.  to  Portsmouth.  "  Thou 
art  most  glorified,  O  my  Saviour,  in  effecting  that  which  no 
human  arm  can  effect.  Thy  power  is  best  seen  in  extremi- 
ties. O  undertake  for  me  in  my  present  perplexities,  and 
heart-sinkings  !  O  do  that  for  me,  which  none  can  do,  or 
would  do,  but  thyself.     '  O  remember  that  I  am  but  dust ! '  " 

Frequent  mention  has  been  made  of  the  occasional  ill  state 
of  Mrs.  Hawkes's  health.  From  reterence  to  her  memoran- 
dums it  appears,  that  the  serious  complaint,  (a  large  internal 
tumour,)  under  which  she  laboured  for  more  than  thirty  years, 
began  to  manifest  itself,  while  she  was  at  Portsmouth,  in  the 
year  1799. 

Portstnouth,  Sept.  10. — "1  have  this  day  many  sources  of 
suffering;  apprehensions  of  distressing  bodily  complaints,  in- 
ward fears,  and  gloomy  prospects  as  to  temporal  affairs;  so 
that  my  head  is  bowed  down  like  a  bulrush.  But  when  I  put 
all  the  sorrows  I  now  have,  all  I  fear,  and  all  that,  in  this  pre- 
sent life,  I  could  be  subject  to,  into  one  scale,  and  sin  in  the 
other,  how  should  I  pray  and  entreat  to  suffer  affliction  rather 
than  to  sin.  It  is  sin,  and  not  suffering,  that  is  the  grand 
evil." 

Mrs.  Hawkcs  returned  to  London  in  October.    At  this  period 

she  repeatedly  refers  in   her  diary  to  serious  bodily  sufferings. 

Little  James  Street,  Oct.  1799. — ''la  finding  myself  re- 


160  MEMOIKS    or    MRS.    1IAWKE3. 

stored  to  my  highly-valued  privileges  and  indulgences,  I  have 
one  source  of  real  grief,  namely,  lest  the  deep  depression  of 
spirits  under  which  1  labour,  should  wear  the  aspect  of  discon- 
tent, unthankfulness,  or  dissatisfaction  with  any  person  or  thing 
in  this  house.  It  is  true,  such  are  my  peculiar  bodily  suffer- 
ing's, and  so  dark  my  present  prospects,  that  '  my  soul  abhors 
its  dainty  meat.'  I  say  of  life,  'I  loathe  it.'  Job  vii.  16.  1 
am  peevish  and  fretful,  even  to  my  dearest  friends;  I  am  con- 
scious that  this  chiefly  arises  from  an  unhumbled  spirit. 
Something  may,  perhaps,  be  allowed  to  a  very  trying  disorder, 
but  still  sin  lies  at  the  bottom.  From  this  dearly-loved  family, 
I  meet  with  nothing  but  constant  forbearance.  But  were  the 
love  of  all  my  earthly  friends  concentred  in  one  heart,  that 
heart  would  soon  be  worn  out  with  a  thousandth  part  of  the 
provocation  and  inattention,  my  Saviour  daily  bears  with  from 
me." 

Nov.  1799  — "  IVIy  ill  health,  and  depressed  spirits,  make 
me  a  burden  to  myself  and  all  about  me.  It  is  in  such  suffer- 
ings as  these  that  I  long  to  hide  myself,  and  my  complaints,  in 
obscurity.  If  I  had  more  faith,  1  should  be  more  patient,  and 
content,  and  thankful,  in  every  place,  and  especially  in  this. 
Oh  that  I  might  be  called  to  that  only  home,  where  sin,  sick- 
ness, or  sorrrow  shall  never  enter  !  " 

Dec.  3, 1799,  Little  James  Street — "  My  sufi!erings  of  body 
are  very  j)eculiar  and  threatening.  While  I  appear  in  health, 
I  am  undergoing  the  sharpest  pains,  offen  unknown  to  any  but 
myself.  These  sufferings,  sad  to  say,  make  me  peevish  and 
impatient.  Surely  no  where  in  this  world  shall  1  find  friends 
that  will  endure,  and  overlook,  such  manifold  and  manifest 
faults,  as  my  beloved  ones  here:  so  true  do  I  find  it  that  Love 
*  beareth  all  things.'  Instead  of  the  reproof  I  merit,  I  meet 
pity  and  sympathy.     Flow  merciful  is  my  appointment?" 

Dec.  30. — "  Much  of  the  last  month  seems  lost ;  no  spiritual 
Hfe  or  improvement.  Lord,  help  me  to  examine  what  worm 
is  at  the  root,  to  cause  this  withering.  Alas  !  it  is  soon  dis- 
covered. 'The  heart  is  deceitful  above  all  things  :  who  can 
know  it?'  Worm  after  worm  is  working  evil;  and  among 
the  worst,  is  impatience  " 

Justice  to  Mrs.  Ilawkes  requires  the  remark,  that  these  in- 
ward risings  of  impatience,  which  on  close  self-examination, 
mi?ht  be  sensible  to  her  own  mind,  were  not,  as  she  feared, 
manifested  in  her  outward  deportment,  which  was  sweet,  hum- 
ble, and  winning.     True  resignation,  and  thankfulness,  were 


CHAP.  IV. — FROM  A.  D.  1796  TO  1802.      161 

inwardly  struggling  against  depression,  and  repining;  and 
these  graces  were,  finally,  victorious.  In  the  next  extract, 
written  a  few  weeks  later,  her  mind  seems  led  to  a  more  cheer- 
ful and  settled  apprehension  of  God's  goodness  to  her,  and  of 
the  gracious  dispositions  which  her  dispensation  was  intended 
to  promote. 

Wednesday,  Jan.  1,  1800. — "  '  If  the  Lord  were  pleased  to 
kill  us,  ho  would  not  have  received  a  burnt-offering  and  a  meat- 
offering at  our  hands,  neither  would  he  have  shewed  us  all 
these  things,  nor  would  he  as  at  this  time,  have  told  us  such 
things  as  these.'  Judges  xiii.  .3,  2. 

"  Under  my  present  glooms,  fears  and  apprehensions,  I  will 
recollect  the  mercies  I  have  received  from  the  Lord's  hand. 
JMercies  so  innumerable  that  I  cannot  count  them.  To  say 
nothing  of  the  preceding  year,  what  mercies  have  I  been  fa- 
voured with  in  the  last  three  dark  years  of  my  life. 

"  If  the  Lord  were  pleased  to  leave  me  to  sink  in  these  deep 
waters,  would  he  have  shewed  me  such  unspeakable  favours? 
Would  he  have  said  to  one  of  the  best  and  kindest  of  his  under- 
shephords,  Take  this  poor  weak  sheep,  and  screen  her  from 
the  destroying  blast:  comfort  her  in  her  sorrows  :  counsel  her 
in  her  difficulties  :  and  pour  wine  and  oil  into  her  wounds. — 
Surely,  this  is  the  Lord's  doing,  who  hath  said,  '  When  thou 
passest  through  the  waters  I  will  be  with  thee;  and  through 
the  rivers,  they  shall  not  overflow  thee;  when  thou  walkest 
through  the  fire,  thou  shalt  not  be  burned  ;  neither  shall  the 
flame  kindle  upon  thee.'  '  He  stayeth  his  rough  wind  in  the 
day  of  the  east  wind.'  '  Why  art  thou  cast  down,  O  my  soul  ? 
Hoi)B  thou  in  God.' 

"  But,  while,  on  one  leaf,  I  mark  down  what  I  receive,  so  I 
would  also  note  what  I  pay,  on  the  other.  What  do  I  '  render 
unto  the  Lord  for  all  his  benefits? '  How  have  I  showed  forth 
his  praise,  or  what  mention  have  1  made  of  his  goodness? 
How  have  I  improved  my  high  privileges?  How  have  I  con- 
duc.'el  myself  towards  my  best  friends,  and  kindest  benefac- 
tors? What  proportion  does  my  obedience,  gratitude,  and 
faith,  bear  to  my  obligations  thereto?  The  only  answer  to 
these  inquiries  is,  '  He  putteth  his  mouth  in  the  dust,  if  so  be 
there  may  be  hope.'  Lam.  iii.  29." 

Feb.  1800. — "  I  have  one  great  mercy  to  be  thankful  for 
at  this  time,  namely,  that  my  health  is  improved.  Oh  that 
the  health  of  my  soul  may  not  only  keep  pace,  but  far  exceed, 
that  of  my  body  !  If  I  know  my  own  heart,  and  am  not  to- 
tally deceived,  my  first  wish  and  greatest  anxiety,  is  not  so 
14* 


162  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.  HAWKES. 

much  respecting  my  perishing  body,  or  my  temporal  concerns, 
— perplexed  and  distressed  as  they  are, — as  about  the  concerns 
of  my  never-dying  soul  !  " 

In  the  month  of  June  following,  Mrs.  Hawkes  was  called, 
as  usual  in  the  summer,  to  the  Isle  of  Wight.  She  thus  ex- 
presses her  feelings  in  the  prospect  of  losing,  for  a  time,  the 
advantages  she  derived  from  public  ordinances,  as  well  as  pri- 
vate friendship: — 

Sunday,  June  22,  1800. — "  A  most  sorrowful  Sabbath  to 
me!  Sorrowful  on  account  of  leaving  my  much-loved  place 
of  worship;  sorrowful  to  lose  my  best  and  kindest  friends; 
sorrowful  on  many  other  accounts.  '  Give  us  help  in  trouble, 
for  vain  is  the  help  of  man," 

These  apprehensions  were,  however,  unexpectedly  relieved. 
In  the  course  of  this  visit,  she  was  brought  under  the  ministry, 
and  favoured  by  the  friendship,  of  ihe  Rev.  John  Newton,  who 
was  at  Southampton  when  Mrs.  Hawkes  arrived  at  that  place, 
— which  we  learn  from  the  following  memorndum  in  her 
diary : — 

Southampton^  June  24. — "  I  am  here  greatly  favoured  by 
the  kind  notice  of  that  eminent  servant  of  God,  the  Rev.  John 
Newton  His  conversation,  and  his  sermons,  partake  of  the 
same  holy,  dependent,  child-like  spirit.  I  trust  I  shall  be  per- 
mitted to  make  some  stay  in  this  j)lace,  while  such  advantages 
are  afforded  me." 

June  29. — "  This  is  the  fourth  year  of  my  being  a  wanderer! 
of  my  being  peculiarly  the  subject  of  many  fears,  and  secret 
sorrows.  I  should,  no  doubt,  have  many  trials  of  other  kinds, 
if  1  had  a  home;  and  I  endeavour  to  count  them  over,  and  to 
bear  them  in  mind,  in  order  to  lessen  my  too  anxious  wish  for 
one.  Yet,  after  all.  my  foolish  heart  replies.  None  know  the 
value  of  a  home  but  they  that  have  lost  one.  When  the  habits 
are  fixed,  and  a  person  has  been  used  to  their  own  customs 
and  ways,  it  is  not  easy  to  change  them.  But  how  much  more 
should  1  have  felt  this,  but  for  some  special  favours  which  have 
been  granted  me." 

July^  1800 — "  My  heart  is  torn  by  many  sorrows,  known 
only  to  myself.  It  is  of  no  avail  to  tell  them  to  any  but  God. 
1  wish  I  could  speak  to  Him  more,  and  to  creatures  less,  about 
my  troubles.     '  Cast  thy  burdens  on  the  Lord.' 

"The  Lord  calls  for  our  burdens,  he  would  not  have  us  op- 
pressed with  ihofn  ourselves;  hut  roll  them  over  (n  him. 
The  desires  that  are  breathed  forth  in  prayer  are  the  very  un- 


CHAP.  IV, — FuoM  A.  D.  1796  TO  1802.      163 

loading  of  the  heart :  ench  request  that  goes  out,  carries  some- 
what of  the  burden  with  it,  antj  hiys  it  upon  God.  '  Be  care- 
ful for  nothing,  but  in  ail  things  make  your  requests  i\nown 
unto  God.'  Try  as  many  ways  as  you  will,  there  is  no  other 
but  this  which  will  free  you,  when  in  difficulties,  from  all  per- 
plexing thoughts.  Though  1  know  this  to  be  true,  how  very 
backward  am  I  to  act  upon  it!  " 

Cowes,  Sunday,  Sept.  7. — *'  '  How  amiable  are  thy  taber- 
nacles, O  Lord  of  Hosts !  My  soul  longeth,  yea,  even  fainteth, 
for  the  courts  of  the  Lord  :  my  heart  and  my  flesh  crieth  out 
for  the  living  God.' 

"  Of  all  the  calamities  that  could  befal  me,  nothing  would  be 
so  heavy  as  to  be  deprived  of  the  precious  Gospel.  My  mis- 
improvement  of  it  for  so  many  years  would  make  such  a  de- 
privation a  just  punishment.  But,  '  O  Lord,  correct  me  in 
mercy,  and  not  in  judgment.'  " 

Mrs.  Hawkes's  diary  here  furnishes  an  account  of  a  storm 
which  took  place  at  this  time. 

Portsmouth,  Sunday,  Nov.  9,  1800. — "  This  has  been  an 
awful  day!  A  most  tremendous  hurricane,  both  on  land  and 
sea.  I  never  saw  a  more  grand,  solemn,  and  distressing  scene! 
Ships  breaking  from  their  moorings — others  torn  from  their 
anchors — driven  before  the  wind  without  hope  of  escape. 
Poor  creatures  climbing  up  the  masts  of  ships,  tearing  their 
hair  in  horror  from  impending  danger  !  even  though  surround- 
ed with  boats,  which  the  foaming  waves  will  not  suffer  to  ap- 
proach near  enough  to  receive  them.  What  an  unspeakable 
mercy  is  it  to  have  a  friend  in  the  Master  of  the  storm!  who, 
if  He  does  not  see  good  to  deliver  /Vo/ti  death,  will  graciously 
deliver  in  death.  How  would  the  knowledge  and  presence  of 
an  Almighty  Friend,  lessen  the  horrors  and  distraction  of  these 
poor  creatures!  " 

One  of  the  painful  circumstances  to  which  Mrs.  Hawkes 
was  exposed  by  the  present  varying  position  of  her  family 
affairs,  and  one  which  was  extremely  distressing  and  unhing- 
ing to  a  person  of  her  cast  of  mind, — was  the  necessity  of  con- 
tinually removing  from  [)lace  to  place.  In  the  next  memoran- 
dum she  expresses  her  sense  of  disquietude  on  this  account: — 

Wednesday  12. — '*  What  a  scene  of  change  is  my  present 
rife!  The  lodging  'o  which  I  have  this  week  removed,  makes 
the  sixth  since  1  left  Little  .Inmes  Street.  Oh  when  shall  I  be 
able  to  say  with  the  Shunamite,  *  I  will  dwell  among  mine  own 
people.'  2  Kings  iv.  13. 


164  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

"  My  corrupt  nature  is  ready  to  cry  out  under  my  innumera- 
ble dis'tresses— '  Is  not  this  liard  ? '  But  my  renewed  principle 
answers,  No, — for  '  whom  the  Lord  loveth  he  chasteneth  ;  ' 
and  therefore,  I  will  say,  It  is  kind.  My  Saviour  is  not  an 
hard  master;  He  gives  no  unreasonable  commands;  calls  for 
no  unnecessary  sacrifices  ;  '  He  does  not  willingly  afflict.'  If 
he  puts  me  to  pain,  it  is  to  purify  ;  if  he  calls  for  that  of  which 
I  have  said,  '  TJiis  same  shall  comfort  me,'— it  is  because  I 
have  been  too  much  pleased  with  it.  There  must  be  pruning 
in  order  to  bearing  fruit.   John  xv." 

Monday,  Novell,  Portsmovth.^'' This  year,  as  well  as 
the  former,  I  have  to  mourn  ever  my  want  of  faith  and  de- 
pendence. I  am  apt  to  say,  '  If  1  could  but  see  my  way  !' 
While  I  am,  as  far  as  I  know,  most  desirous  to  walk  m  that 
path,  and  abide  in  that  place,  which  is  best  pleasing  to  God  : — 
I  am  too  apt  to  feel  it  heavy,  and  1  had  almost  said  hard,  (but 
far  be  such  a  thought,)  that  my  way  is  so  encompassed  with 
thick  darkness, — that  there  is  no  voice  to  say,  '  this  is  the  way, 
walk  ye  in  it.' 

"  One  kind  friend  says,  Come  hither, — another.  Come  to 
me.  But  as  every  place  has  its  peculiar  feature,  and  as  I  am 
not  sufficiently  certain  as  to  the  path  of  duty,  to  be  fully  at  rest, 
— so  my  comfort  in  any  place  is  greatly  disturbed.  Perhaps 
I  am  scff-deceived  in  believing,  that  if  any  particular  appoint- 
ment were  clearly  discovered  to  me,  1  should  rejoice  to  enter 
on  it,  and  embrace  it.  Perhaps  I  am  grossly  mistaken  in 
thinking  that  I  should  be  happy  in  any  place,  (where  the  gospel 
was  preached,)  if  I  really  knew  it  uas  the  Lord's  will  I  should 
be  there.  In  my  earnest  desire  for  a  settled  home,  1  am  not  so 
foolish  and  unreasonable  as  to  expect  one,  wherein  are  no  thorns. 
In  my  pleasantest,  quietest  nest  at  Holloway,  I  had  some  sharp 
ones  ;  and  I  think  I  could  still  dispense  with  many,  if  I  might 
but  lodge  in  my  Lord's  vineyard  ;  if  I  might  '  go  forth  by  the 
footsteps  of  the  flock,  and  feed  beside  the  shepherd's  tents.' 

"Every  time  I  revisit  this  place,  and  every  day  1  spend  in 
it,  convinces  me  of  the  utter  impracticability  of  abiding  here. 
I  never  come  hither  but  my  heart  is  overwhelmed,  my  mind 
agitated, and  my  whole  frame  shaken.  Surely  if  I  vverc^  called 
to  dwell  in  this  furnace,  my  caJl   would  be  made  more  plain. * 

1  Mrs,  Hawkes  here  makes  a  solemn  appeal  to  (Jod,  as  to  the  insur- 
mountable difficulties  attending  her  residence  at  Portsmouth. — aiid  her 
willingness  to  endure  any  trials  in  the  plain  path  of  duty  : — but  hrr  re- 
maining there  did  not,  under  existing  circumstances,  appear  ta  be  the 
path  of  her  duty. — Ed. 


CHAP.  IV FEOM  A.  D.  179G  TO  1802.        165 

"  O  Thou,  that  knowest  my  deceitful  heart  better  than  I  do, 
quiet  mc  in  thyself!  and  enable  me,— whether  I  am  a  wanderer 
or  settled, — whether  I  am  in  this  place  or  that, — to  live  every 
moment  depending  an  I  believing  on  Thee  !  looking  and  resign- 
ing myself  to  Thee. 

•'  Tenant  of  my  trou])Ir(.]  breast, 
Yet  a  little  longer  sigh  ; 
Death  shall  shortly  give  thee  rest, 
Fluttering  heart  thy  rest  is  nigh. 
Flutter  till  the  strife  is  o'er, 
Beat  awhile,  and  beat  no  more," 

Portsmoidh^  Nov.  23. — "  Lately,  in  having  to  cross  a  rough 
sea,  my  apprehensions  of  danger  was  great.  I  stood  trembling 
on  the  beach  sometime  before  I  durst  venture  into  tlie  stnall 
boat  that  was  to  convey  me  to  the  vessel,  at  some  distance  from 
shore.  1  longed  to  be  safe  on  board, — having  no  fear  when  I 
had  once  reached  the  ship:  but  the  surf  ran  so  high,  and  the 
boat  was  so  tossed   that  I  expected  every  moment  to  be  upset. 

*'  Thus  it  is  wirh  my  small  and  feeble  faith,  which  has  innu- 
merable fears,  conflicts,  temptations,  and  unbelief,  to  encounter, 
which,  like  the  waves  and  billows,  threaten  its  destruction.  I 
stand  trembling  and  debating,  and  fearing,  lest,  during  the 
storm,  iTiy  shallow  boat  should  be  overwhelmed,  and  I  should 
sink  beneath  the  waves.  I  say,  'could  I  reach  my  Saviour,  I 
should  be  safe:  but  what  am  I  to  do  in  contending  with  these 
billows?'  Let  me  learn  from  my  late  experience  that  since  I 
must  venture^  it  is  better  to  venture  at  once.  Every  moment's 
delay  only  makes  the  danger  ap[)ear  more  formidable,  and  en- 
feebles hope.  Stand  not  to  debate,  to  tremble,  to  count  the 
waves, — but  with  a  bold  and  holy  venture,  get  forward  in  the 
boat;  and  the  Blessed  Maker  who  has  provided, and  graciously 
sent  it  out,  will  maintain,  defend,  uphold,  and  guide  thee  safely 
to  Himself;  and    remember,  nothing  is   dene  without  a  holy 

VE^'TURE. 

About  the  end  of  November,  Mrs.  Hawkes  left  Portsmouth, 
and  went  to  pass  some  months  with  Mrs.  Jones  at  Birming- 
ham. The  following  letters  which  passed  between  the  aflec- 
tionate  sisters,  may  interest  the  reader: — 

From  Mrs.  Haw^kes  to  Mrs.  Jones. 

*'I  have  a  longing  desire  to  see  my  beloved  sister,  and  trust 
that  now  the  way  is  open  for  my  visiting  her  shortly.  How 
are  we  comforted,  even  by  an  earthly  Iriend,  who  seems  to  be 


166  3IEM0IRS  OF  3IRS.  HAWKE3. 

interested   for  us !  but  that  is  a  word  of  mighty  consolation, 

*  He  careth  for  you.'  Oh  for  faiih  to  realize  this  stupendous 
truth,  that  our  adorable  and  merciful  High  Priest,  is  touched 
with  the  feeling  of  our  infirmities  !  '  In  all  their  afflictions  he 
was  afflicted.'  Then,  fainting  heart,  fear  not.  If  I  may  but 
be  enabled  to  wrap  myself  in  the  mantle  of  divine  compassion 
and  love,  I  shall  be  safe. 

"  I  wish  I  could  lake  more  comfort  in  the  consolations  you 
offer  me  in  the  joys  of  the  crown.  Yes,  truly,  let  me  have  the 
crown,  and  I  shall  soon  forget  all  the  suffering.  But  my  great 
affair  is,  to  sustain  the  heat  and  length  of  the  battle.  I  feel  the 
same  when  any  author,  or  preacher,  enters  into  a  description 
of  the  joys  of  heaven  ;  I  am  ready  to  stop  them  and  say, — 
you  need  not  tell  me  about  these  things;  let  me  once  enter,  and 
I  shall  find  your  description  to  be  poor.  But  tell  me  how  to 
endure  here  as  a  good  soldier  of  Jesus  Christ ;  how  to  glorify 
God  in  the  furnace;  how  to  sustain  the  fire  that  is  necessary 
to  purge  away  the  dross;  how  to  kiss  the  scourging  rod; — 
these  are  the  lessons  I  want  to  learn,  and  which  1  trust  I  am 
endeavouring  to  learn,  though  very  slowly.  '  Tribulation  work- 
eth  patience,  and  patience  experience;  and  experience,  hope,' — 

•  a  hope  that  maketh  not  ashamed.'  Pray  for  me,  my  dear  sis- 
ter, that  I  may  have  an  increasing  measure  of  Hope ;  as  well 
as  of  that  faith  that  substantiates  and  realizes  eternal  things. 
It  is  a  gift  that  whoever  has  it,  in  ever  so  small  a  degree,  can 
never,  never,  be  thankful  enough  for;  of  which  1  am  fully 
sensible  by  my  own  experience.  For  if  I  am  ever  able  to  live 
in  any  degree  from  the  most  anxious  forbodings,  from  deep  de- 
pressions, from  hard  and  rebellious  thoughts  of  Providence, 
and  continual  vexation  of  spirit, — it  is  entirely  owing  to,  and 
derived  from,  God  the  Father,  Son,  and  Holy  Spirit,  working 
that  measure  of  faith  in  my  poor  faithless  heart,  which  if  left 
to  itself,  is  that  moment  inundated  with  every  one  of  these  evils. 
But  when  faith  is  in  exercise,  every  thing  is  well ;  every  siring 
is  in  tune  for  praise  and  thanksgiving.  What  a  treasure  then 
is  faith!  Unite  with  me  in  prayer  that  this,  and  every  grace 
of  the  Holy  Spirit,  may  flourish  in  the  soul  of, 

"  Your  Affectionate  Sister, 

"  S.  H." 

From  Mrs.  Jones  to  Mrs.  Hawkes. 

<'  My  dearly  beloved, — and  I  may  say, — 'longed  for,'  the 
pleasures  we  have  in  prospect,  appear  too  slow  in  their  advance ; 
but  I  will  endeavour  patiently  to  wait  the  day  that  brings  you 


CHAP.  IV. FROM  A.  D.  1796  TO  1802.       367 

once  more  to  my  embrace.  I  long  to  hear  my  dear  sister  re- 
late the  gracious  dealings  of  God,  her  Saviour,  through  her 
many  painful  sufferings.  That  short  petition,  '  Lord  increase 
our  faith  !'  seems  to  contain  all  vvc  want ;  but  there  is  a  wan- 
derful  propensity  in  fallen  man  to  desire  to  rise  by  some  other 
way  than  by  the  simplicity  of  faith.  Jesus  knows  how  to  sup- 
port his  children  ;  and  none  are  more  abundant  in  thanks- 
giving and  praises  than  those  who  drink  of  the  bitter  cup.  Is 
it  not  wonderful  that  w^e  who  know  his  name  should  ever  fear 
his  providential  dispensations?  'He  cannot  deny  himself.' 
Good,  is  written  upon  all  we  receive  from  Him;  but  not  being 
written  according  to  our  language,  we  cannot  read  it.  O  for 
confidence  !  unbounded  confidence ! 

"  The  means  of  increasing  our  faith  are  often  to  us  very 
dark  and  mysterious.  But  let  us  remember,  we  are  in  a  dark 
world,  and  must  feel  out  our  way  as  we  go  on  ;  for  often  we  can- 
not see  one  step  before  us.  It  is  surely,  my  dear  sister,  worth 
while  to  sufl?er,  to  prove  what  is  the  glory  of  the  inheritance  in 
the  saints;  which  glory  is  w^onderfully  made  manifest  in  the 
dark  days  of  affliction.  God's  children,  who  are  made  vessels 
of  honour,  are  often  chosen  in  the  furnace  of  affliction,  to  show 
to  the  world  what  is  good,  and  most  desirable  even  in  this  life. 
When  we  take  a  prospect  of  the  good  things  for  ourselves  or 
our  children,  we  are  apt  to  look  into  the  world's  index,  and 
read,  health,  riches,  large  houses,  servants,  tender  connexions, 
good  husbands,  wives,  children,  and  many  other  such  like 
comforts.  But  when  we  look  at  the  afflicted  servants  of  God, 
which  are  monuments  erected  to  his  honour,  we  must  turn  our 
eyes  away  from  this  fair  catalogue,  and,  wilh  the  eye  of  faith, 
take  a  survey  of  the  believer's  inventory.  We  must  direct  our 
view  to  how  much  there  is  of  God  in  "the  soul.  One  would 
wish  that  all  the  world  should  know  what  God  giveth  to  his  chil- 
dren ;  and  devoutly  desire  that  all  of  us  who  bear  his  name 
might  be  more  transformed  into  the  divine  image.  '  God 
teaches  his  children  to  indulge  immense  expectations,  and  to 
realize  them  in  the  meanest  condition.  There  is  no  night  too 
dark  for  a  believer  to  raise  his  hopes  to  the  brightest  prospects.' 

"  When  we  have  reached  the  blessed  seat  of  immortality, 
the  city  of  the  living  God,  we  shall  remember  no  more  the  an- 
guish we  suffered  in  this  life.  May  you,  my  dear  sister,  now 
lean  by  faith  upon  his  breast,  who  will  whisper  more  than  you 
ever  yet  heard.     Farewell, 

"A.J." 


168  MEMOIKS  OF  MRS.  IIAWKES. 

Mrs.  Hawkes  thus  expresses  tlie  comfort  and  repose  she  felt, 
when  arrived  at  llie  house  of  her  beloved  sister  : — 

Crescent,  Birmingham,  Dec.  1800.— <'l  most  delightfully 
feel  this  house  to  be  a  sweet  haven  after  many  storms.  I 
trust  the  poor  weather-beaten  wreck  is  sent  here  for  repairs. 
It  has  sustained  many  a  heavy  sea,  and  many  a  shock  ;  so  as 
to  be  often,  to  all  appearance,  on  the  very  point  of  sinking. 
But  the  great  Master  has  been  pleased  to  preserve  it  amidst 
many  dangers;  and  has  mercifully  {)rovided  it  with  delightlul 
harbours,  where  every  thing  that  friendship  and  kindness  can 
devise,  is  more  liberally  and  cheerlully  administered.  May 
my  heart  forget  past  distresses,  in  thankful  remembrance  of  the 
undeserved  mercies  and  favours,  of  which  I  am  now  made  a 
partaker." 

"  I  have  here, — leisure,  quiet,  extreme  indulgence,  and  un- 
fein-ned  affection,  from  my  dearest  sister  and  her  family." 

Jan.  1801. — "  This  is  the  first  winter  I  have  spent  out  of 
London  for  sixteen  years  ;  my  heart  shall  ever  send  a  wishful 
look  to  my  spiritual  birth-place  ;  and  my  memory  will  ever 
delif^ht  to  retrace  the  solemn,  interesting  moments,  wilh  which 
I  have  been  favoured  in  St.  John's  Chapel  :  when  myheart, 
like  Lydia's  '  was  opened,'  and  1  was,  1  trust,  taught  by  the 
Holy  Spirit,  '  to  attend  to  the  things  that  were  spoken.'  Pre- 
cious, glorious  things  !  such  as  are  able  to  make  the  hearer  wise 
unto  salvation,  through  the  faith  that  is  in  Christ  Jesus.  I 
would  not  now  repine,  though  I  have  llio  sad  prospect  of  long, 
and  frequent  interruptions,  in  my  future  attendance.  But,  'as 
the  hart  pantelh  after  the  water-brooks,'  so  will  my  heart  pant 
for  the  restoration  of  my  privileges. 

"  When  I  begin  to  count  up  my  mercies  during  the  last  four 
years,  since  I  have  been  a  wanderer,  I  am  lost  in  wonder  and 
shame.  1  can  neither  number  the  instances  of  God's  amazing 
goodness  to  me,  nor  the  instances  of  my  amazing  ingratitude! 
Surely  it  may  be  asked  concerning  me,  '  What  could  have 
been  done  more  to  my  vineyard  that  1  have  not  done  in  it]  ' 
Alas!  what  fruit  does  my  Lord  fmd  therein?  It  is  because 
his  compassions  fail  not,  tliat  I  am  not  consumed.  Well  might 
he  say  to  me  as  to  the  barren  lig-tree,  '  cut  it  down,  why 
cumbereth  it  the  ground?'  Oh  that  the  blessed  Saviour  may 
intercede  on  my  behalf  for  yet  another  year  of  sparing,  nur- 
turing mercy." 

Mrs.  Hawkes  writes  the  next  memorandum  at  the  house  of 


CHAP.  IV' FROM  A.  D.  1796  TO  1802.        169 

her  sister  Mynors,  where  she  had  gone  in  consequence  of  the 
illness  of  her  nephew.  After  his  recovery,  she  again  returned 
for  a  short  time  to  her  sister  Jones,  previous  to  an  intended 
journey  to  Portsmouth. 

Snow  Hill,  Birmingham,  Feb.  1801. — «'  '  It  is  better  to  go 
to  the  house  of  mourning  than  to  the  house  of  feasting.'  The 
last  month  has  been  spent  in  nursing  my  dear  nephew.  Oh 
that  his  soul  may  be  bound  up  in  the  bundle  of  life,  and  the 
soul  of  his  dear  mother !  she  shows  me  much  kindness,  and  1 
can,  in  return,  only  pray  for  her  and  hers.  This  I  have  done 
unceasingly  ;  and  have  now  to  offer  up  praise  for  the  recovery 
of  the  valuable  child.  Oh  that  his  life  may  be  spared  for 
God's  glory,  and  for  the  comfort  of  his  affectionate  parents  ?" 

Crescent,  Birmingham,  April,  1801. — "  I  must  now  short- 
ly pack  up,  and  be  gone  !  The  last  six  months  have  fled  away 
like  a  post.  Here  I  have  been  made  to  forget,  for  a  season, 
my  deep  and  numerous  troubles.  Quiet  and  leisure,  those 
sweet  restoratives  of  the  mind  and  body,  1  have  here  been  fa- 
voured with  to  the  full ;  yet  even  these  would  much  lose  their 
effect,  were  it  not  for  that  balm  of  kindness  and  love,  which 
has  been  given  me  in  addition.  Oh  how  shall  I  endure  lo  put 
out  to  sea  again,  which  1  must  now  shortly  do  !  I  shrink  at 
the  prospect  of  the  adverse  winds  I  must  again  encounter. 

"  Hide  me,  O  my  Saviour,  hide 
Till  the  storm  of  life  is  pass'd." 

"  I  will,  as  far  as  I  am  enabled,  consider  that  dispensation, 
trial,  or  affliction,  sweet,  that  brings  Christ  more  sensibly  to 
my  heart.  I  have  had  many  deep  troubles;  many  painful  dis- 
appointments ;  many  unseen  but  severe  sorrows  ; — yet  not  one 
of  them,  increased  ten-fold,  is  so  much  to  be  dreaded  as  the 
suspension  of  the  comforting,  life-giving  presence  of  my  Sa- 
viour. What  it  is  to '  Come  up  out  of  the  wilderness,  leaning  on 
the  beloved,'  no  one  will  ever  know  but  by  happy  experience. 
And  they  can  best  estimate  the  comfort,  who  have  been  left  to 
travel  ever  so  short  a  part  of  the  journey  alone. 

"  My  next  pilgrimage  must  be  to  Portsmouth  :  a  place  very 
uncongenial  to  my  mind :  hut  it  is  my  path  of  duty,  and  that 
is  enough.  In  my  way  there,  I  hope  for  the  favour  of  staying 
a  short  time  in  that  house,  where  I  have  long  found  a  father  and 
mother,  brothers  and  sisters,  kindred  and  friends, — all  in  one. 
Nay  more,  a  counsellor, — a  guide, — a  faithful  minister.  I 
would  ever  bear  in  mind,  that  if  1  have  had  more  troubles  than 
15 


170  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

many,  I  have  had  far  more  favours  than  many — and  innumer- 
ably more  than  I  deserve,  or  should  have  dared  (o  hope  for." 
May  1801,  Little  James  Street. — "  On  my  return  to  Lon- 
don, I  am  again  received  into  this  favoured  house,  with  the 
kindness  which  could  only  be  expected  from  the  tenderest 
parents.  I  cannot  be  thankful  enough  for  such  indulgence.  I 
pray  that  I  may  ever  bear  in  mind  my  deep  obligations,  first, 
to  the  great  and  gracious  giver  of  such  mercies,  and  next  to 
those  friends  indeed,  with  which  few  are  equally  favoured.  Their 
hospitable  door  has  been  opened  to  receive  me  without  any 
other  cause  or  motive  than  pity  and  benevolence;  and  with- 
out any  seeking  on  my  part,  or  even  an  idea  of  becoming 
their  favoured  inmate.  Here  I  have  found  delightful  shelter, 
— superior  society, — the  best  counsel.  And  who  led  them  to 
open  their  hearts  and  their  door  ?  Even  the  Father  of  mercies." 

Much  is  often  said  concerning  the  want  of  benevolence  that 
is  in  the  world;  perhaps  true  gratitude  for  fivours  received  is 
far  more  rarely  to  be  met  with.  Mrs.  Hawkes  was  blessed 
with  a  large  measure  of  this  gracious  and  amiable  disposition  : 
the  illustratration  of  which  may  be  a  sufficient  reason  for  insert- 
ing some  of  those  repeated  effusions  of  gratitude,  which  appear 
in  her  diary.  Her  deep  humility  led  her  to  entirely  overlook 
her  own  affectionate  endeavours  to  promote  the  welfare  and 
happiness  of  Mr.  Cecil's,  family, — every  member  of  which 
had  reason  to  feel  the  strongest  sense  of  obligation  to  her. 

In  the  month  of  July,  Mrs.  Hawkes  accompanied  Mr.  Cecil's 
family  to  Chobham  in  Surry,  soon  after  Mr.  Cecil  had  accept- 
ed the  livings  of  Chobham  and  Bisley.  In  her  next  memo- 
randum, she  expresses  her  joy  on  beholding  the  success  of  the 
Gospel  in  that  place. 

Chobham,  July,  1801. — "  Nothing  can  be  more  interesting 
and  delightful  than  this  place.  Surely  the  Lord  has  an  espe- 
cial favour  to  this  spot,  by  singling  it  out  from  surrounding 
places,  and  planting  his  gospel  in  it.  For  many  years  past  it 
has  remained  in  darkness  and  ignorance:  but  now  is  that 
promise  being  fulfilled,  '  The  wilderness  and  the  solitary  place 
shall  be  glad  for  them  ;  and  the  desert  shall  rejoice  and  blos- 
som as  the  rose.'  I  feel  it  no  small  privilege  to  be  witness  of 
so  glorious  a  work.  May  my  soul  feel,  in  a  more  abundant 
measure,  the  reviving  life  giving  influence  of  that  divine  breath, 
which  is  now  so  evidently  felt  among  these  dry  bones." 

Mrs.  Hawkes  had  not  been  at  Chobham  more  than  a  iew 


CHAP.  IV. FROM  A.  D.  1796  TO  1802.        171 

weeks,  when  she  was  attacked  by  symptoms  of  so  alarming 
and  distressing  a  nature,  that  it  was  thought  necessary  for  her 
to  return  to  town  for  medical  advice,  and  to  renounce  all  thoughts 
of  going  on  to  Portsmouth  as  she  had  proposed.  She  tra- 
velled slowly  to  London  in  a  horizontal  position,  and  with  diffi- 
culty reached  Mr.  Cecil's  house  in  Little  James  Street,  where 
she  passed  the  summer  under  severe  suffering,  and  constant 
medical  attendance.  Her  own  memorandums  at  this  period 
are  as  follows  : 

C/iobhajii,  Aug.  1801 — "  At  the  precise  period  when  I  in- 
tended to  pursue  my  journey  to  Portsmouth,  1  am  arrested  by 
an  aggravation  of  my  distressing  and  mysterious  complaint, 
which  obliges  me  to  return  to  London  for  medical  help.  As 
to  the  nature  of  it,  I  have  just  cause  for  fear  and  alarm  :  as  to 
the  design^  it  is  no  doubt  to  purge  away  the  dross :  as  to  the 
end  of  it,  I  desire  to  leave  it  in  my  Saviour's  hands,  who  know- 
eth  what  is  best  for  me." 

Little  James  Street^  Sept. — "I  have  gone  through  such  a 
process  as  I  never  expected  !  My  sorrows  are  very  hitter, 
— yet  dare  I  not  repine.  I  know  that  my  mercies  are  far 
better  than  I  deserve,  and  though  my  trials  are  short,  I  am 
not  the  only  one  that  has  passed  through  the  same.  Oh  for 
faith  and  patience  to  hold  out  to  the  end  I  I  v/ould  bear  in 
mind,  that  as  my  medical  friend  kindly  attends  to  mark, 
and  if  possible  to  mitigate,  my  disease, — so  I  have  one  who 
has  also  a  process  to  carry  on,  in  order  to  bring  about  a 
mighty  work  ;  even  that  of  preparing  a  poor  sinner  for  a  hea- 
venly inheritance.  I  desire  to  commit  myself  entirely  to  Him 
who  doeth  all  things  well.  There  is  enough  in  Rev.  xxl.  3,  4, 
to  comfort  me  under  all," 

The  report  of  Mrs.  Hawkes's  painful  circumstances  drew 
from  Mr.  Cecil  the  follov/ing  letter : — 

Sept.  7,  1801. 
"  Mv  dear  Madam, 

"  Any  particular  reply  that  can  be  made  to  your  extraordi- 
nary communications,  you  will  receive  from  Mrs.  C,  who  in- 
tends writiiig  to  you  :  for  my  own  part,  I  write  merely  to  ex- 
press my  sympathy  with  you  under  you  sorrows. 

"  You  are  conducted  indeed  by  a  very  dark  and  distressing 
path  ;  but  then  you  are  conducted,  and  that  by  a  better  and 
kinder  friend  than  any  one  of  my  family  could  prove,  if  even 


172  MEMOIKS  OF  MRS.  IIAWKES. 

they  had  what  your  Ahnighty  friend  has,  'All  power  in  heaven 
and  earth.'  Now  is  the  time  for  faith  and  patience  to  be  fully 
proved;  and  I  trust  ihey  will  siand  the  trial. 

"1  am,  with  the  rest,  greatly  disappointed  that  you  cannot 
return  to  us  this  summer.  But,  as  the  season  is  far  advanced, 
we  shall  soon  return  to  town  ;  and  1  form  a  hope  that  you  will 
remain  with  us  through  the  winter, — being  assured,  as  you  may- 
be most  fully,  that  no  one  of  my  children  is  considered  more 
as  at  their  lather's  house  than  yourself.  The  plain  truth  is, 
(however  the  matter  may  appear  to  your  incredulity  and  pre- 
vailing diffidence,)  our  sense  and  feeling  of  your  being  with  us, 
is,  that  every  minute  of  the  time  is  a  benefit  and  privilege  con- 
ferred upon  us. 

"You  certainly  said  very  properly  what  you  said  of  your 
relations;  and  I  cannot  doubt  for  a  moment,  that  your  expec- 
tations would  be  more  than  answered  ;  but  I  wish  to  add,  that 
I  consider  it  both  a  duty  and  a  privilege  that  you  should  have 
a  friend  in  myself,  and  a  mother  in  my  wife,  which  (to  say 
nothing  of  others  out  of  both  our  families,)  will  secure  you  from 
being  dependent  on  the  persons  you  name,  however  glad  we 
may  be  to  see  them  take  a  proper  interest  in  your  welfare  when 
called  upon. 

"  But  as  Mrs.  Jones  says  truly,  '  we  must  rlie.'  What  then? 
It  makes  no  difference  to  you.  Your  Frieno  liveth  ever,  and 
shall  supply  all  your  wants  out  of  his  riches  in  glory. 

"  The  pillared  firmament  is  rottenness, 
And  earth's  base  built  on  stubble." 

And  millions  will  be  shockingly  deceived  who  have  built  on  no 
better  foundation.  But,  thank  God,  that  is  not  our  case.  I 
should  mourn  indeed  if  you  had  the  whole  earth  in  your  hand, 
and  nothing  more.  Then,  and  not  till  then,  you  can  be  made 
poor. 

"  Pray  take  every  means  that  can  accommodate  yourself, 
and  have  every  thing  you  can  invent  to  alleviate  your  situation  ; 
if  it  were  only  to  oblige,  yours, 

"  Most  faithfully  and  sincerely, 

"  R.  Cecil." 

Mrs.  Hawkes's  illness  soon  became  so  severe  as  to  occasion 
fears  of  her  speedy  dissolution  ;  at  which  time  she  wrote  as 
follows  in  lier  diary: — 

Oct.  2,  1801. — "From  all  I  can  gather  from  my  friends, 
from   my    own   feelings,   and    from    the   opinion   of  several 


CHAP.  IV. FR03I  A.  D.  17 9G,  TO  1802.  173 

of  the  faculty,  tlie  message  tliat  was  sent  to  Ilezekiah  is  sent 
also  to  me,  '  Set  thine  house  in  order,  for  thou  shalt  die  and 
not  live.' 

"  I  would  above  all  things  desire  to  do  as  he  did,  that  is, 
'Turn  my  face  to  the  wall,  and  pray  unto  the  Lord.'  But 
what  is  my  petition,  and  what  is  my  request?  Truly,  if  I 
know  my  own  heart,  it  is,  not  that  the  sentence  of  death  may 
be  recalled,  but  that  I  may  be  made  meet  for  a  glorious  in- 
heritance. There  remains  much  to  be  done  in  me  before  I  am, 
as  I  trust  t  shall  be,  gathered  into  the  garner.  I  am  conscious 
of  the  want  of  ripeness.  1  am  conscious  also  that  there  is  in 
me  much  chaff.  O  Lord,  enable  me  to  bear  the  winnowings,  the 
siftings,  with  which  thou  art  about  to  visit  me.  Let  me  not  be 
deceived  in  myself,  and  think  that  I  am  wheat,  when  I  am  but 
chaff.  I  appeal  unto  Thee,  O  thou  searcher  of  hearts,  who 
knowest  what  T  am,  and  pray  that  I  may  be  made  such  as 
thou  wilt  accept,  and  upon  whom  thou  wilt  bestow  the  gift  of 
eternal  life.  As  to  what  I  must  suffer  by  the  way,  I  would 
bear  in  mind  that, '  whom  the  Lord  loveth  he  chasteneth.'  " 

Oct.  20. — "  It  is  a  remarkable  part  of  my  present  dispensa- 
tion that  I  should  be  left  to  go  through  very  severe  sufferings 
alone,,  my  dear  friends  being  still  at  their  summer  residence. 
Such  a  separation,  at  a  time  when  I  so  especially  need  a  kind 
and  faithful  friend  to  administer  to  my  painful  necessities, 
speaks  loudly  to  my  heart  that  there  is  but  one  friend  who  can 
always  be  present.  What  an  unspeakable  mercy  to  have  such 
a  friend  !  and  to  find  him  graciously  present  in  such  a  lime  of 
need." 

Nov.  .3. — "My  mysterious  and  fatal  disease  makes  slow  ad- 
vances. The  pain,  though  continual,  and  attended  by  much 
inconvenience,  is  not  so  severe  now  as  to  hinder  me  from  men- 
tal exercises.  Though  confined  either  to  my  bed  or  couch, 
yet  I  can  read;  and  through  mercy,  I  am  enabled  to  pray, 
and  to  meditate.  I  esteem  it  no  small  mercy,  that  this  poor 
tabernacle  is  taken  down  so  gradually,  and  with  so  much  gen- 
tleness. It  is  a  most  unspeakable  favour  to  be  allowed  space, 
leisure  and  recollection,  to  get  into  a  position  for  the  impend- 
ing stroke.  I  would  be  found  ready  when  the  bridegroom 
comelh." 

On  the  return  of  Mr.  Cecil's  Homily  to  town,  the  third  week 
in  November,  Mrs.  Ilawkes's  very  sensitive  mind  was  exer- 
cised with  anxieties  lest  her  ill  health  should  be  an  occasion  of 
inconvenience  to  her  affectionate  friends.  She  thus  expresses 
her  feelings  on  the  subject : — 
15* 


174  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

Dec.  1801. — "My  severest   exercise  of  mind,  under    my 
present  trying  dispensation,  arises  from  the  painful  conviction 
I  have  of  the  expense,  inconvenience,  and  difficuhy,  which  my 
sickness  brings  on  this  family.     Being  no  longer  able  to  ad- 
minister to  any  part  of  it, — which  I  have  always  esteemed  my 
highest  privilege  and  pleasure, — I  am  now  a  useless,  disabled 
creature,  that  must  be  administered  unto.     And  though  every 
member  of  this  house  exprrsses,  and  I  verily  believe, ^eeZs,  the 
truest   gratification  in  continual  acts  of  love,  yet   neither   my 
feelings  nor  my  judgment  can  endure  that  so  great  a  burden 
should  rest  upon  ihcm  any  longer.     '  O  Lord,  1  am  oppressed, 
undertake  for  me  !'     Thou,  that  didst  in  great  love  and  tender 
care,  open  this  kind  door  to  let  in  a  poor  unhoused  sheep, 
where  every  indulgence  has  been  afTorded  which  my  bleeding 
heart  could  wish,  and  where  I  am  still   kindly  solicited  to  re- 
main, let  thy  gracious   ear   be   open    to   my  prayer,  that  thy 
good  Providence  may  open  this  door  again  to  my  going  out  ; 
that  I  may  be  no  longer  distressed  and  afflicted  by  the  convic- 
tion  that  I  am  now,  by  my  ill   health,  constant  confinement, 
and  need   of  nursing,  a  real   injury  to  this  generous   family. 
This  is  worse  to  bear  than  my  continual  pain.     Weeping  and 
praying  is    my  only   resource;  1   am  afraid  to   take   a  step, 
my  way  is  hedged  up,  no   glimmering  of  light   as   yet  dawns 
upon  my  path.     Lead  me,  O  my  Saviour,  in  the  right  way. 
Let  me  see  '  the  pillar  and  the  cloud  '  again  moving  before  me." 
Jaii.  1802. — "  I  ought   to  enter  this  year  and  go  through 
every  day  of  it,  with  great  solemnity  and   watchfulness,  for  I 
have  no  expectation  of  seeing  January,  1803.     O  Lord,  teach 
me  to  number  my  few  remaining  days,  that  I  may  make  the 
best  of  every  moment  to  prepare  for  my  final  dismission.     I 
have  great  cause  to  rejoice  at  the  prospect  of  being  removed  so 
soon  from  a  world  that  has  to  me  proved  a  sorrowful   and  de- 
sert wilderness.  Yet  I  would  remember  with  humility  and  thank- 
fulness that,  as  my  sorrows  have  arisen  higher  and  higher,  so  a 
gracious  providence  has  provided  most  abundant  comforts  for  me. 
Nothing  have  I  here  but  marks  of  love  and  friendship  :  and  as 
there  is  one  home  only  for  wliich  I  could  change  this  with  ad- 
vantage, so  I  am   bid  to  prepare  for  it,  and  wait  a  speedy  call 
to  it.     There  my  friends  will  rejoin  me,  never  more  to  be  sepa- 
rated.    A  few  more  fears  and  conflicts,  and  all  will  be  over." 
Mrs.  Hawkes's  life  was  prolonged  thirty  years  beyond  the 
period  in  which  she  wrote  the  foregoing  memorandum  ;  form- 
ing a  remarkable  confirmation  of  the  proverbial  uncertainty  of 
human  life,  since  those  dear  friends  to  whom  she  just  alludes, 


CHAP.  IV. FROM  A.  D,  179G  TO  1802.        175 

were  callerl  to  their  rest  before  her.  A  period  of  thirty  years, 
spent  in  severe  suffering,  seems  long  to  sense  and  wearied  na- 
ture:  but  were  she  now  asked  to  give  her  estimate  of  ihis  in- 
terval of"  heaviness,"  it  would  doubtless  agree  with  the  words 
of  the  apostle,  "  Our  light  atlhction,  which  is  but  for  a  moment, 
worketh  out  for  us  a  far  more  exceeding  and  eternal  weight  of 
glory."  Even  before  her  faith  was  changed  to  sight,  she  was 
enabled  to  adopt  this  language,  and  we  may  mark  from  this 
period,  a  growing  resignation  under  affliction,  with  an  increas- 
ing joy  and  peace  in  believing,  '  Glorifying  the  Lord  in  the 
fires,"  (Isa.  xxiv.  15,)  as  appears  in  the  following  extract: — 

Feb.  1802. — "  If  I  know  any  thing  of  my  own  heart,  its 
real  lan^mage,  through  my  present  visitation,  agrees  with  that 
of  the  deceased  Mr.  Pearce, 

'Sweet  affliction,  sweet  affliction, 
That  brings  Jesus  to  my  suui.' 

If  my  soul  does  but  gain  health,  welcome  sickness.  O  Thou, 
that  alone  hast  enabled  me  to  say  this  hitherto,  help  me  thus 
to  say  through  all  I  may  yet  have  to  endure." 

Aprils  1802. — "  I  have  much  cause  for  thankfulness,  that 
through  my  present  illness,  my  spirits,  for  the  most  part,  have 
been  better  than  for  some  years  past.  Yet,  with  shame  I  con- 
fess, I  have  still  seasons  of  great  depression,  through  fear  and 
unbelief.  j\Iy  peculiar  circurnstances  lie  heavy  on  my  heart; 
and  the  idea  of  falling  a  dead  weight  upon  friends  who  have 
already  done  more  for  me  than  I  could  ever  describe,  pierces  me 
like  a  two-edged  sword.  Many  are  my  tears  and  prayers,  that 
I  may  be  spared  the  anguish  of  feeling  that  I  add  to  their  al- 
ready heavy  burdens.  My  fears  respecting  this  matter  oppress 
me  far  more  than  my  affliction,  weighty  as  it  is." 

Mill)  20. — "  The  Lord  hath  various  methods  of  teaching  his 
children  ;  but  he  has  only  one  grand  design,  namely,  that  they 
should  be  '  Builded  together  for  an  habitation  o^  God  through 
the  Spirit.'  That  they  should  be  '  a  chosen  generation,  a  royal 
priesthood,  a  holy  nation,  a  peculiar  people.'  For  several  years 
past,  I  have  been  highly  favoured  with  public  instruction  in  the 
house  of  G(ui ;  and  inexpressibly  great  have  been  my  oppor- 
tunities! I  have  been  planted  in  the  choicest  and  richest  part 
of  my  Lord's  vineyard,  and  have  been  mercifully  taught  toes- 
teem  it  as  my  best  heritage.  Yet  of  me,  alas,  tlie  awful  ques- 
tion may  be  asked,  '  Wherefore,  when  1  looked  that  it  should 
bring  forth  grapes,  brought  it  forth  wild  grapes?'  or  crude,  un- 
ripe fruit,  without  flavour  or  sweetness.     So  little  humility,  so 


176  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

little  patience,  so  little  faith,  so  little  of  the  vital  sap  of  the  true 
vine  !  How  great  is  his  mercy  that  he  does  not  proceed  to  pro- 
nounce the  same  judgments  on  me  as  on  those  of  old,  'And 
now  go  to,  1  will  tell  you  vvhat  I  will  do  to  my  vineyard.'  Isa.  v. 
5,  6.  Instead  whereof,  he  says,  'I  will  allure  her,  and  bring 
her  into  the  wilderness,  and  speak  comfortably  unto  her,  and  1 
will  give  her  vineyards  from  thence,  and  the  valley  of  Achor 
for  a  door  of  hope  :  and  she  shall  sinii  there.'  As  if  my  Lord 
had  said,  Instead  of  cutting  off  this  barren  branch,  and  casting 
it  into  the  fire,  which  I  might  justly  do,  I  will  lake  it  into  more 
peculiar  cultivation.  I  will,  to  public  and  general  ordinances, 
add  sweet  and  interior  teachings,  betwixt  her  and  myself  «/o7ze. 
I  will  confine  her  to  a  sick  chamber,  visit  her  with  an  incura- 
ble disease,  leave  her  to  silence  and  contemplation,  try  her  with 
pain  and  ancruish  ;  i.  e.  I  will  purge  her  that  she  may  bring 
forth  more  fruit.  Amen  ;  so  let  it  be,  O  Lord  ;  and  I  heartily 
bless  thy  holy  name  for  thus  graciously  correcting  me.  Thou 
hast,  indeed,  brought  me  into  the  wilderness ;  and  thou  hast 
also  vouchsafed  to  speak  comfortably  to  me  therein.  And,  I 
trust,  thou  wilt  soon  remove  me  out  of  it,  to  that  place  from 
whence  '  sorrow  and  sighing  shall  for  ever  flee  away.'" 

July,  1802. — "  Mv  physician  has  just  put  me  upon  a  course 
of  regimen  and  medicine  very  unpleasant.  Yet  upon  his  urg- 
ing the  necessily,  I  promised  him  entire  submission  and  obedi- 
ence. Ah,  ungrateful,  silly,  faithless  creature,  (said  I  to  my- 
self when  he  was  gone,)  to  feel  so  much  confidence,  and  to 
yield  such  a  willing  obedience  to  an  arm  of  flesh,  while  in  a 
case  of  infinitely  more  importance,  namely,  the  healing  of  the 
diseases  of  sin,  and  under  the  direction  of  one,  who  in  the  com- 
mands he  enjoins,  can  neither  fail  in  wisdom  nor  in  love, — thou 
art  inattentive,  forgetful  and  disobedient !" 

July,  1802. — "  I  have  lately  gone  through  severe  attacks  of 
spasms.  But  how  light  are  the  severest  pains  of  the  body, 
compared  with  the  anguish  of  a  wounded  spirit.  1  know,  from 
experience,  the  difference;  and  therefore  I  can  the  better  ap- 
preciate it.  I  have,  during  the  past  night,  enjoyed  true  conso- 
lation in  the  sorest  pain.  And  I  have  known  what  it  was  to 
suffer  the  keenest  mental  torture,  wlien  all  without  was  com- 
paratively serene." 

The  season  was  now  arrived  when  Mr.  Cecil's  family  should 
go,  as  usual  in  the  summer,  to  Chobham  ;  Mrs.  Hawkes,  (who 
had  been  confined  at  Little  James  Street  by  illness  nearly  a 
year,)  was  quite  incapable  of  travelling,  and  was   therelbre 


CHAP.  IV FR03I    A.  D.    1796  TO   1S02.  177 

obliged  to  remain  in  London.  Her  anxiety,  on  this  occasion, 
was  removed  by  the  kindness  of  Mrs.  Jones,  who  came  to 
town  on  purpose  to  administer  to  her  sister's  comfort,  during 
Mrs.  Cecil's  absence.  Mrs.  Hawkes  thus  records  Mrs.  Jones's 
arrival : 

Au<rust  1,  1892. — "  How  graciously  does  an  ever-watchful 
Providence  deal  with  me!  Just  when  my  heart  fliinted  within 
me,  at  the  thought  of  being  left  solitary,  the  Lord  hath  put  it 
into  the  heart  of  my  dearest  sister  to  come,  and  kindly  under- 
take the  office  of  nurse,  companion,  counsellor,  and  every  thing 
1  want.  I  am,  I  trust,  duly  and  heartily  thankful  for  this  great 
indulgence.  Alas!  the  days  and  hours  will  fly  too  swiftly 
away,  and  bring  forward  the  time  when  she  must  again  leave 
me!  Oh,  that  I  could  improve  the  present  moment,  and  not 
anticipate  the  painful  hour  of  separation  !" 

Under  some  perplexing  difficulties,  Mrs.  Hawkes  wrote  to 
Mr.  Cecil  soon  after  he  left  town,  which  drew  from  him  the  fol- 
low ing  letter: — 

Chohham,  Aug.  1302. 
"  My  dear  Madam, 

"  I  am  greatly  obliged  by  your  letter.  It  is  a  picture  of 
your  mind,  which,  as  far  as  it  has  fallen  under  my  observation, 
is  full  of  tenderness  and  integrity.  The  reality  and  power  of 
your  f'iith  was,  I  believe,  never  questioned  by  any  one  who 
possessed  any  himself.  But  the  Author  of  it  seems,  for  wise 
reasons,  disposed  to  bring  it  into  public  proof,  by  the  long,  con- 
stant, and  very  severe  trials,  with  which  it  is  exercistid.  Your 
case  is  extraordinary;  and  the  only  consolation  we  have  under 
it,  is,  that  your  Helper  is  no  less  so.  May  he  give  you  faith 
and  patience, — the  only  gifts  now  of  value.  *  *  * 

"You  cannot  wish  that  I  should  visit  town  more  than  I  wish 
to  see  Mrs.  Jones  and  yourself.  Yet,  as  '  the  pillar  and  cloud' 
went  before  me  so  as  to  make  it  clear  to  me  th.it  I  should  come 
here  when  I  did,  so  I  must  wait  for  it  to  direct  the  next  remove: 
nor  in  all  my  experience  do  I  remember  to  have  wailed  for  it 
in  vain.  VVorldly  minds  would  think  me  an  enthusiast  in 
speaking  thus  ;  but  lam  not  writing  to  such.  When  my  son's 
lime  is  out,  I  shall  expect  my  way  lo  be  opened,  and  some 
ability  given  me  to  undertake,  what  is  to  me,  a  vast  journey  ; 
and  then  I  shall  readily  take  it. 

"  I  shall  only  add,  that  I  ever  remain, 

"  Most  truly  and  alTectionatelv  yours, 

"R.  Cecil." 


178  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

Mrs.  Jones  was  induced  at  this  time  to  come  to  town  not 
only  to  relieve  her  sister's  solitude,  but  also  with  a  view  to  ar- 
range some  plan  for  Mrs.  Raw kes  permanent  accommodation 
out  of  Mr.  Cecil's  house.  There  v/as  now  no  pros[)ect  that 
she  would  be  able,  in  future,  to  spend  a  part  of  the  year,  as  she 
had  hitherto  done,  in  the  l:de  of  Wight,  or  vvilh  her  sisters  at  Bir- 
mingham. Nor  was  it  suitable,  in  her  present  stale  of  health, 
that  she  should  be  left  alone  in  Little  James  Street,  during  the 
four  or  five  summer  months  in  which  Mr.  Cecil's  family  were  at 
Chobham.  Also,  the  painful  anxiety  of  Mrs.  Hawkes's  mind 
from  the  fear  of  becoming  burdensome,  interfered  with  her 
tranquility  :  nor  could  her  over  sensitive  apprehensions  be  qui- 
eted, by  the  strongest  assurances,  that  the  happiness  of  Mr. 
Cecil's  family  was  really  increased  by  her  being  one  of  its 
members.  This  will  become  evident  by  the  next  extract,  in 
which  Mrs.  Hawkes  appears,  as  usual,  weighing  every  thing 
by  the  highest  moral  considerations,  aided  by  the  most  delicate 
apprehensions  of  propriety. 

Sept.  1802, — "I  have  been  endeavouring,  as  I  have  often 
done  before,  to  enumerate  and  weigh  what  I  shall  have  to  meet 
with  in  exchanging  this  honoured,  loved,  and  valued  residence 
for  another.  I  know  and  feel,  that  it  is  a  serious  thing  to  take  a 
step  in  life;  and  therct^ore  I  have  been  afraid  to  siir  over  this 
threshold.  But  in  my  removal  I  am  conscious  that  I  act  from 
the  following  motives, — namely,  from  a  desire  to  remove  anx- 
iety, care,  expense  and  great  inconvenience,  which  must  every 
day  be  increasing  to  this  family,  by  my  stay.  Never  shall  1 
find  such  tender  friends, — never  in  this  world  meet  with  a  so- 
ciety so  suited  to  my  taste, — never  again  be  admitted  into 
such  high  privileges.  J  can  neither  enumerate  nor  describe 
what  I  leave,  when  I  leave  this  house.  But  justice,  honour,  af- 
fection, obligation,  a/Z  call  upon  me  to  depart.  And  shall  I  be  so 
selfish  as  to  shut  my  ears  to  these  demands?  Far  be  such  un- 
righteousness  from  one  so  deeply  indebted.  O  Lord,  my  ex- 
pectation is  from  Thee  ;  be  pleased  either  to  quiet  me  here,  or 
to  direct  my  steps  to  some  other  dwelling." 

It  was  necessary  that  Mrs.  Hawkes  should  reside  in  London, 
for  the  .sake  of  medical  advice.  It  was  also  desirable  that  in 
her  suffering  state  she  should  be  with  those  who  could  render 
needful  assistance  with  affectionate  sympathy.  It  pleased  God 
to  open  a  way  towards  an  arrangement  which  combined  these 
advantages,  by  her  removal,  in  the  month  of  September,  1802, 
to  the  house  of  Mr.  Collyer,  a  pious  member  of  Mr.  Cecil's 
Congregation  at  St.  John's,  who  had  n)arried  Mrs.  Hawkes's 
niece.     The  next  memorandum  records  this  removal. 


CHAP.  IV. — fro:m  a.  d.  1796  to  1802.  179 

Sept.  23, 1802. — "  A  memorable  day.  Left  my  honoured 
and  spiritual  father's  house,  and  removed  to  Mr.  Collyer's, 
Constitution  Kovv. 

"  This  makes  one  more  change  in  my  sorrowful  pilgrimage  ! 
When  shall  I  be  permitted  to  remove,  once  for  all,  to  that  long 
desired  habitation  where  '  God  shall  wipe  away  all  tears  from 
my  eyes;  where  there  shall  be  no  more  death,  neither  sorrow 
nor  crying,  neither  shall  there  be  any  more  pain.' 

"I  consider  myself  as  now  entering  upon  a  new  dispensa- 
tion; and  would  'get  upon  my  watch-tower'  to  hear  what  the 
Lord  will  condescend  to  speak  unto  me  ;  and  '  what  1  shall  an- 
swer when  1  am  reproved,'  as  to  my  past  and  present  expe- 
rience. 

"  At  present,  such  a  tumultuous  crowd  of  oppressions  and 
sentiments  pass  U[)on  my  mind,  that  I  feel  it  impossible  to 
take  any  calm  or  profitable  view  of  present  circumstances,  or 
of  my  future  prospects;  even  should  my  worthless  dying  life 
be  prolonged. 

"  Like  a  voyager,  newly  launched  on  untried  seas,  every 
thino;  is  unknown,  unsettled,  unorganized.  I  have  to  form 
new  associations,  new  sympathies,  to  breathe  a  new  atmos- 
phere. So  scattered  are  my  thoughts,  I  can  only  concern  my- 
self about  present  aflairs ;  and  pray  that  the  presence  of  my 
Saviour  may  be  with  me. 

'*  In  my  removal,  let  me,  however,  note  down  a  few  re- 
markable circumstances,  in  order  to  promote  present  thankful- 
ness and  future  hope.  'He  despiseth  not  the  prayer  of  the 
destitute.  So  graciously  has  my  heavenly  father  attended  to 
my  cry,  and  condescended  to  grant  me  my  request,  that  the 
very  same  friend,  (namely,  my  dear  sister  Jones,)  who  brought 
and  left  me  at  my  minister's  house,  when  1  had  no  longer  a 
covering  to  my  head,  or  a  bed  to  he  upon,  returned,  after  an 
interval  of  six  years,  and  having  again  provided  an  abode, 
conducted  me  out  from  a  never-to-be-i"orgotten  '  hiding-place  !' 
Oh,  that  it  may  be  my  last  removal  to  any  house  made 
with  hands.  What  a  mercy  that  the  storm  is  in  some  de- 
gree abated  before  I  am  bid  to  quit  my  hiding-place  I  Sure- 
ly I  ought  without  misgiving  to  trust  my  Divine  Leader  the 
rest  of  the  way. 

"  Another  remarkable  circumstance  attending  my  removal, 
is,  that  some  strong,  and  till  within  a  few  days,  unconquerable 
objections  respecting  the  abode  proposed  to  me  by  my  dear 
sister,  have  been  made  in  a  great  measure,  to  give  way  to 
more  weighty  considerations. 


180  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

"  No  one  could  be  received  with  more  kindness  and  affeclion 
than  my  dear  niece  and  her  husband  received  me.  Lord,  let 
thy  blessing  attend  this  change  !  It  is  brought  about  in  a  way 
that  is  wonderful  to  me.  Not  for  your  sakes,  '  O  house  of  Is- 
rael, will  1  do  this,  but  for  mine  holy  name's  sake.' " 

In  the  step  which  Mrs.  Hawkes  was  now  taking,  she  was 
actuated  by  strictly  conscientious  motives,  and  not  those  which 
feeling  might  dictate ;  and  thus  following  the  leading  of  Divine 
Providence,  she  was  sure  of  being  both  safe  and  happy.  "  All 
things,"  says  the  apostle,  "  work  together  for  good  to  them 
that  love  God."  If  we  seriously  compare  and  examine,  we 
shall  find,  that  the  Scriptures,  and  the  book  of  Providence, 
harmonize  with  each  other.  The  promises  are  all  limited  to 
certain  characters;  "All  the  paths  of  the  Lord  are  indeed 
mercy  and  truth,"  but  it  is  "  unto  such  as  keep  his  covenant 
and  testimonies."  The  features  of  Mrs.  Hawkes's  religious 
character  might  be  traced  as  answering  to  those  portrayed  in 
the  Bible.  Her  whole  walk  and  conversation  manifested  love 
to  God,  and  obedience  to  his  will,  even  before  the  promises 
were  poured  in  a  blessed  tide  over  her  spirit.  And  as  an  "  Is- 
raelite indeed"  her  "  journeyings"  were  ordered  by  Him,  who 
in  all  ages  goes  before  his  people,  truly  if  not  visibly,  as  the 
"  angel  of  the  everlasting  covenant,"  to  order  all  things  for 
their  good.     Exod.  xxiii.  20. 


CHAPTER  V. 

FROM  HER  SETTLEMENT    AT   MR.  COLLYER'S  TO  HER 
REMOVAL  TO   BETCHWORTH. 

FROM  A.  D.   1802   TO  1811. 

Mrs.  Hawkes's  removal,  a  source  of  regret  to  Mrs.  Cecil — Afflictions 
sanctified — Letter  from  the  Rev.  John  Newton — Mrs.  Hawkes's  reflec- 
tions on  a  repining  spirit — Her  views  on  the  subject  of  being  depend- 
ent— Her  usefuhiess,  especially  to  young  persons — Her  extensive 
correspondence — Her  sense  of  manifold  mercies — Pecuniary  anxieties 
— Temporary  return  to  Mr.  Cecil's  house,  and  re-settlement  at  Mr. 
Collyer's — Danger  of  her  disease  terminating  in  sudden  death — 
Cheerfulness  under  affliction — Friendship  and  medical  attention  of 
Dr.  Fearon — Serious  self-examination — Her  remarks  on  Mr.  Cecil's 
paralytic  aflfection — Letters  on  the  subject — Reflections  on  Mr.  Cecil's 
death — Her  view  of  his  character — She  visits  Mrs.  Cecil  at  Hampstead 

— Is  supported   by  Christian    hope — Letter  to  Mrs.  C tt,  on  the 

duty  of  praising  God. 

Mrs.  Hawkes's  removal  from  Little  James  Street  was  a  sub- 
ject of  real  regret  to  Mrs.  Cecil,  who  felt  that  her  dear  friend's 
society  was  a  loss  not  to  be  easily  repaired.  Mrs.  C.'s  feel- 
ings and  sentiments  on  this  occasion  will  appear  in  the  follow- 
ing extract  from  one  of  lier  letters  to  Mrs.  Hawkes,  written 
from  Chobham,  in  Sept.  1802. 

"I  confess  to  you,  my  dearest  sister,  there  is  but  one  rich 
gift  I  covet,  and  that  is,  that  you  might  be  thrown  into  my  lot, 
to  live  and  die  with  me  and  mine.  This  would  be  no  impover- 
ishing circumstance  :  I  could  only  view  it  as  a  certain  increase 
of  my  own  and  my  children's  inheritance.  I  have  sometimes 
thought  this  might  be ;  and  then  1  have  seen  why  I  had  a 
house  large  enough  to  receive  you,  as  well  as  a  heart  fully 
ready  to  meet  this  favour.  And  I  have  thought  also,  that  even 
were  I  taken  away,  I  should  leave  you  among  my  children, 
as  their  guardian  and  friend. 

*'  I  most  cordially  thank  you  for  your  letter  ;  I  cannot  ex- 
press how  much  pleasure  it  afforded  me.  I  scribble  a  line 
now,  and  for  my  apparent  neglect,  have  one  plea  which  I  hope 
will  be  accepted,  namely,  having  had  eighteen  in  family  for 
some  days  past.  A  h  !  I  never  have  so  many  as  not  to  regret 
16 


182  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

that  I  have  not  one  more  !     One,  whose  society  has  afforded 
me  more  real  pleasure  than  all  other  I  ever  enjoyed. 

"  I  am  grieved  to  hear,  both  from  yourself  and  others,  of 
the  increase  of  your  pain.  You  have  need  to  look  to  a  better 
country,  where  pain,  and  sorrow,  and  sighing  flee  away — as 
I  know  you  do.  Nevertheless,  1  am  aware  how  delicate  a  re- 
cipient of  sympathy  you  are,  and  I  feel  a  sad  regret  that  I  am 
unable  now  to  render  you  more  than  sympathy  ;  for  I  am  not 
content  to  offer  you  only  that  which  you  must  receive  from 
every  common  friend." 

Writing  to  a  friend,  shortly  after  her  removal,  Mrs.  Hawkes 
says, — "  I  spent  last  week  in  visiting  my  old  and  ever  kind 
friends  in  Little  James  Street.  Mrs.  Cecil  most  bitterly  com- 
plains of  my  '  inflexibility.'  And  I  assure  you  that  it  costs  me 
more  than  she  knows  to  keep  it  up.  But  I  consider  it  very 
wrong,  and  unworthy,  to  act  only  hom  feeling  instead  of  being 
ruled  by  ih^  judgment.  And  therefore  till  some  circumstance 
arises  that  will  allow  me  to  think  it  right  to  return,  I  hope  to 
be  able  to  withstand  all  her  persuasive  powers;  and  all  the 
earnest  entreaties  of  the  dear  children.  One  or  other  of  them 
come  to  see  me  most  days;  so  that  though  we  are  separated, 
our  intercourse  is  not  interrupted.  I  am  very  comfortable  here, 
and  have  a  room  and  fire  entirely  to  myself,  which  is  a  great 
enjoyment.  My  health  has  been  rather  better  of  late,  but  my 
complaint  continues  much  the  same." 

The  purifying  and  sanctifying  effects  of  Mrs.  Hawkcs's  pain- 
ful dispensation,  became  now  more  and  more  evident,  in  her 
rapidly  improving  Christian  character.  This  design  and  ten- 
dency was  made  so  far  manifest  to  herself,  that  she  was  ena- 
bled to  kiss  the  rod,  even  while  smarting  under  its  strokes  :  as 
appears  in  the  next,  and  many  subsequent  memorials  of  her 
Christian  experience. 

Nov.  1802. — "  Purifying  work  is  painful  work  :  the  refining 
furnace  needs  a  well-established  confidence  in,  and  love  to,  the 
great  Refiner.  I  feel  there  is  much  dross  to  be  purged  away. 
My  nature  trembles  at  the  fire  :  but  my  faith  commits  the  pro- 
cess to  God,  with  strong  cries,  '  Correct  me  in  mercy  and  not 
in  judgment.'  '  By  this  shall  the  iniquity  of  Jacob  be  purged 
away  ;  and  this  is  all  the  fruit  to  take  away  his  sin.'  And  again, 
*  Every  branch  in  me  that  bcareth  fruit.  He  purgeth  it,  that  it 
may  bring  forth  more  fruit.'  God  is  now  seeming  to  say  to 
me,  Instead  of  bringing  thy  suflerings  to  a  close,  as  thou  hast 


CHAr.  V. FROM  A.  D.  1802  to  1811.        183 

impatiently  desired,  thou  must  still  be  'emptied  from  vessel  to 
vessel.'  One  trying  dispensation  shall  give  place  to  another; 
and  this  is  designed, — 

First,  To  bring  thy  sins  to  remembrance,  and  to  correct  thee. 

Secondly,  ♦  To  prove  thee,'  and  shew  thee  what  is  yet  in 
Ihine  heart. 

Thirdhj,  To  purify  and  purge  away  thy  dross. 

Fourthly,  To  make  thee  '  as  a  weaned  child,'  from  every 
created  good. 

Fifthly,  To  bring  down  thy  proud  independent  spirit,  and 
teach  thee  submission  and  dependence. 

Sixthly,  To  afford  thee  opportunity  to  glorify  thy  Father 
which  is  in  heaven,  by  speaking  good  of  his  name;  and  by 
bringing  forth  the  fruits  of  patience,  love,  &c. 

Seventhly,  To  make  thee  meet  for  glory. 

'*  My  honoured  minister  in  one  of  his  sermons  says,  '  Oh  it 
is  a  mighty  blessing  indeed,  if  God  makes  use  of  any  affliction 
whatever  to  bring  us  nearer  to  himself,  and  to  make  us  know 
more  of  ourselves,  and  to  become  acquainted  with  his  dispen- 
sations towards  us.' 

"  I  would  humbly  adore  and  praise  God  the  Holy  Ghost, 
who  alone  teacheth  to  profit,  i.  e.  to  purpose,  who  in  some 
measure  enables  my  almost  broken  heart  to  respond  feelingly, 
and  I  trust  sincerely,  '  Yes,  I  do  find  it  a  mighty  blessing.' 
May  my  life,  as  well  as  my  lips  and  heart,  bear  the  same  re- 
port :  or  it  will  be  to  little  purpose." 

The  following  letter  was,  about  this  time,  written  by  the 
Rev.  John  Newton,  to  Mrs.  Hawkes. 

Nov.  18,  1802. 
"  My  Dear  Madam, 

"  You  are  now  removed  out  of  old  seventy-eight's  track, 
and  therefore  I  must  try  my  poor  eyes,  which  are  very  weak, 
to  send  you  a  small  token  of  my  love  upon  paper. 

"  '  VVe  must  through  many  tribulations  enter  into  the  king- 
dom of  God  :'  so  our  Lord  has  forewarned  us,  but  he  adds, 
'  In  mo  ye  shall  have  peace.'  Tribulations,  both  you  and  I 
have  felt,  and  still  feel  ;  but  I  trust  at  the  bottom  of  them  all, 
we  have  peace  within,  from  the  knowledge  of  our  acceptance 
in  the  Beloved,  and  His  gracious  promises  of  strength,  accord- 
ing to  our  day  ;  and  that  He  will,  in  the  final  event,  make  all 
things,  whether  sweet  or  bitter  to  the  flesh,  to  work  together 
for  our  good. 

"  Though  '  man  is  born  to  trouble  as  the  sparks  fly  upward,' 
none  of  them  spring  out  of  the  ground.     They  are  all  to  God's 


184  MEMOIRS  OF  3rRS.   HAWKES. 

own  people,  under  the  direction  of  infinite  wisdom  and  love. 
If  we  are  '  in  heaviness,'  there  is  a  '  needs  be'  for  it, — whether 
we  know  it  or  not.  For  He  who  so  loved  us  as  to  die  upon 
the  cross  to  free  us  from  the  curse  of  the  law,  will  not  inflict 
any  unnecessary  i>ain  on  those  whom  He  has  taught  to  put 
their  trust  in  Him.  Some  of  our  afflictions  are  medicinals,  to 
check  that  worst  of  maladies,  indwelling  sin, — or  to  prevent  a 
relapse  :  and  though,  at  present,  they  are  not  joyous  but  griev- 
ous, we  know  not  how  much  worse  it  might  have  been.  If 
you  had  always  remained  as  you  were  when  I  first  knew  you, 
— or  I,  as  I  was  three  or  four  years  ago,  Satan  might  have 
lulled  us  asleep  upon  '  the  enchanted  ground.'  But  the  Lord 
in  mercy  sent  something  to  rouse  us.  Our  path  has  been 
rough,  but  I  trust  it  will  be  safe;  and  we  shall  one  day  say, 
'  Happy  affliction,  which  brought  me  nearer  to  my  God,  or 
prevented  any  wandering  from  Him.' 

"  Again,  sometimes  the  Lord  honours  his  people  by  appoint- 
ing them  a  great  trial.  As  He  has  given  them  to  believe  in  his 
name,  so  also  He  gives  them  to  '  suffer  for  his  sake.'  So  far 
as  he  enables  us  to  support  affliction  with  cheerful  submission, 
patience,  and  hope, — so  far  the  post  of  trial  is  a  po<t  of  honour. 
Thereby  the  reality  and  power  of  religion,  the  power  and  faith- 
fulness of  our  Lord  in  supporting  and  relieving,  is  exhibited  to 
his  glory,  for  the  encouragement  of  believers  and  the  convic- 
tion of  gainsayers ;  and  we  ourselves  are  taught  more  and 
more  of  the  vanity  of  creature-dependence,  and  the  all  suffi- 
ciency of  our  great  and  unchangeable  Friend,  who  has  pro- 
mised, that  '  If  we  suffer  with  Him,  we  shall  also  reign  with 
Him.' 

"  Let  us  cheer  up,  madam  :  the  time  is  short,  and  shorten- 
ing apace.  Every  pulse  we  feel,  beats  a  sharp  moment  of  the 
pain  away ;  and  the  last  stroke  will  come:  then  heaven  will 
make  amends  for  all.  1  commend  you  to  the  Lord's  blessing. 
Dear  Miss  Cailett,  though  not  quite  well,  is  better  than  when 
she  first  came  home,  and  is  again  a  great  comfort  to  me.  Pray 
for  her,  and  for 

"  Your  affectionate, 

"  John  Newton." 

Mrs.  Hawkes's  next  memorandum  opens  the  year  1803. 

Jan.  2. — "  Never  did  I  expect  to  see  the  beginning  of  the 
year  1803.  It  must  be  almost  a  miracle  if  I  live  to  see  1804. 
Nay,  so  does  death  seem  to  hover  over  me,  that  when  morn- 
ing comes,  I  say,  '  It  is  very  probable  I  may  not  see  the  night ;' 


CHAP,  v.— FROM  A.  D.  1802,  TO  1811.         185 

and  when  night  comes,  '  it  is  more  than  probable  that  I  may 
never  see  the  morning.' 

"  Has  then  my  soul  dressed  herself  for  immortality?  Is  the 
wedding  garment  on,  and  all  in  readiness  for  the  Bridegroom? 
Conscitmce,  '  What  of  the  night?'  Soul,  '  What  of  the  night?' 
Canst  thou  upon  sure  ground  say,  '  Come,  Lord  Jesus,  come 
quickly?' 

"  VVilhin  these  seven  years  1  have  been  twice  apparently  on 
the  borders  of  the  grave.  In  either  case,  had  the  Lord  taken 
me,  I  should  have  escaped  many  and  great  sufferings  ;  but  I 
should  have  known  far  less  of  the  Lord's  goodness  and  truth 
to  me  a  poor  sinner.  I  trust  he  has  made  me  more  willing  to 
suffer,  so  that  he  be  but  present  with  me  through  my  affliction. 
How  have  1  this  evening  been  refreshed  in  my  spirit  by  a  let- 
ter from  my  invaluable  sister!  Oh  that  every  poor  sufferer 
had  the  comfort  of  such  a  sisler  and  friend  in  trouble!" 

The  following  undated  letter  from  Mrs.  Jones,  seems  that  to 
which  Mrs.  Hawkes  here  refers  : — 

''  I  wish  I  had  a  letter  from  my  dear  sister,  that  I  might 
share  in  her  joys  and  sorrows  :  and  enter,  by  sympathy,  into 
her  severe  pains  and  languid  weakness;  and  notice,  how  the 
spirit  is  weighed  down  and  depressed  by  its  union  with  the 
bodv  ;  and  how  the  soul  rises  from  under  the  weight ;  '  Cast 
down  but  not  destroyed,'  by  the  pressure  of  affliction.  When 
I  was  once  suffering  from  excruciating  pain,  it  appeared  to  me 
that  all  my  powder  to  endure  was  derived  from  keeping  hold, 
by  faith,  on  the  hem  of  Christ's  garment.  The  pious  Beve- 
ridge  has  said,  '  the  latter  works  of  a  Christian  are  furnace 
works.'  Faith  and  patience  are  furnace  works  indeed,  and 
blessed  are  they  that  endure,  not  they  that  resist.  '  Fight 
manfully,'  was  not  a  cursory  precept,  but  an  upholding  word 
for  a  trying  hour.  Thank  God,' there  are  not  years  of  unre- 
mitting contest,  but  '  days'  of  tribulation,  and  '  hours'  of  temp- 
tation. It  is  proper  we  should  encourage  each  other  ;  and  '  so 
much  the  more  as  we  see  the  day  approaching.'  A  little  more 
conflict,  a  few  more  days  of  heaviness,  before  all  tears  are 
wiped  away  for  ever !  When  you  and  I  arc  sealed  at  the  feet 
of  the  great  Captain  of  our  salvation,  we  shall  shout  victory  to 
Him  ;  and  if  there  were  any  garments  of  shame  in  heaven,  we 
would  cover  ourselves  with  them,  while  we  give  glory  to  our 
great  Deliverer.  What  encouragement  is  it  under  all  present 
trials  to  have  access  to  the  '  God  of  hope,'  the  '  God  of  patience,' 
and  the  '  God  of  all  consolation.'  He  has  yet  to  give  more 
16* 


186  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

than  we  can  ask  or  think :  and  He  can  impart  lo  his  suffering 
children  as  much  power  to  endure  as  He  pleases.  No  pen  can 
describe  what  the  martyrs  experienced  of  his  mighty  power  ; 
and  we  have  the  same  promises  as  they,  and  the  same  God. 
Farewell.  "A.  J." 

As  in  natural  things,  there  are  sudden  and  visible  stages  of 
advancement  ;  so,  in  the  Christian  experience  of  Mrs.  Hawkes, 
the  reader  will  be  pleased  to  observe  at  this  period,  remarka- 
ble enlargement  of  mind,  from  the  gloomy  and  desponding 
feelings  which  marked  some  of  the  past  extracts.  This  im- 
provement.must  be  ascribed  to  the  ripening  influences  of  grace 
upon  her  heart,  by  which,  faith  and  hope  were  brought  into 
fuller  exercise  ;  producing  a  cheerful  acquiescence  in  her  pain- 
ful dispensation,  accompanied  by  a  corrected  view  of  her  past 
tendency  to  depression. 

Mai'cJi,  1803. — "There  is  nothing  upon  which  I  look  back 
with  more  real  shame,  and  I  hope  real  sorrow,  than  upon  past 
seasons  of  murmuring,  discontent,  and  fretfulness.  I  say 
past  seasons,  because  though  1  am  still  loo  apt  to  feel  the  same 
evil  spirit,  and  am  never  at  any  time  a  thousandth  part  so 
thankful  as  1  ought  to  be,  yet  there  have  been  seasons  in  which 
1  have  been  a  victim;  and  that  which  I  now,  through  great 
mercy,  feel  only  occasionally,  I  in  those  seasons  fell  continu- 
ally, and  almost  constantly;  by  which,  1  now  see,  I  was  an 
infinite  loser.  While  robbers  are  in  the  house,  we  are  often 
either  in  a  sound  sleep,  or  do  not  hear  them,  or  aie  too  much 
terrified  to  recollect  what  spoils  they  may  make  :  but  after- 
wards, when  our  recollection  returns,  then  we  perceive  the 
plunder.  Thus  it  has  been  with  me.  While  I  was  under  the 
dominion  of  discontent  and  unihankfulncss,  I  considered  not  the 
devastation.  I  said  daringly,  that  '1  did  well  to  be  angry.' 
This,  and  that,  was  cause  enough,  Alas,  all  this  time  1  was 
being  robbed  of  my  faith,  my  lK)pe,  my  peace,  my  confidence, 
my  innumerable  comforts,  my  pleasant  prospects.  That  tem- 
ple which  was  preparing  for  the  Holy  Spirit's  residence,  I  was 
resigning  into  the  hands  of  evil  spirits:  for  when  once  a  dis- 
contented devil  gets  in,  his  name  is  '  Legion' :  and  if  he  is  not 
directly  cast  out  by  faith,  watchfulness,  prayer,  and  continual 
care  to  cultivate  the  opposite  spirit,  lie  will  soon  gain  posses- 
sion, and  destroy  every  holy,  every  pleasant  plant.  Oh,  how 
in  my  own  case,  and  in  others  too,  have  1  seen  every  pleasant 
thing  blighted  and  withered  by  this  horrid  demon  ! 


CHAP,  v.  — FROM  A.  D.   1802  TO  1811.  187 

"There  are  many  of  us  who  may,  I  trust,  with  safety  be 
numbered  amont^  believers,  who  would  be  sliocked  if  we  were 
under  the  dominion  of  open  sins;  and  who  yel  are  not  suffi- 
ciently  aware,  that  if  the  sin  of  discontent  is  not  so  scandalous 
in  the  eyes  of  men,  it  is  as  hateful  in  the  sight  of  God  ;  and 
perhaps  more  fatal  because  less  marked.  It  eats  as  doth  a 
canker  ;  it  blights  and  withers  all  the  Chri.sii;  n  graces;  it  in- 
jures  and  iiardens  the  minds  of  those  with  whom  we  live;  it 
turns  all  the  privileges  and  blessings  we  have,  (and  who  has 
not  many  more  than  he  deserves  ?)  into  poison.  Nothing  can 
be  more  opposed  to  that  exhortation  of  \he  apostle,  'Let  this 
mind  be  in  you  which  was  also  in  Christ  Jesus.'" 

Good-Friday,  April  8,  1803. — "  I  have  been  endeavouring, 
under  grievous  pain,  to  contemplate  the  sufferings  of  my  Sav- 
iour, which  this  day  is  set  apart  to  commemorate  ;  and  through 
the  help  of  the  FJoly  Spirit,  I  have  been  enabled  to  meditate 
thereon  with  profit.  Shall  I,  who  am  a  sinner,  faint  under  my 
affliction'/  rather  will  I  take  comfort  that,  by  these  sufferings, 
I  am  brought  to  a  nearer  acquaintance  and  union  with  my  suf- 
fering Lord,  than  1  could  have  known  without  ihrm.  Herein 
will  I  rejoice,  that  '  We  have  not  an  High  Priest  which  cannot 
be  touched  with  the  feeling  of  our  infirmities.'  None  but  the 
believer  can  flee  into  the  bosom  of  his  Chasiiser,  and  kiss  the 
hand  that  smites  him;  and  afflictions  are  desigjied  to  produce 
this  disposition.  To  this  do  I  now,  under  the  very  dominion 
of  pain,  set  my  seal,  namely,  that  as  Hir  as  this  disposition  is 
really  produced, —  which  it  can  only  by  the  sanctifying  influen- 
ces of  the  Holy  Spirit, — no  affliction  ccn  be  thought  too  severe 
which  may  have  helped  to  obtain  it.  This  shall  silence  my 
too  petulent  enquiries,  why  this  comfort,  and  the  other  conve- 
nience, is  withheld  ?  Communicn  with  a  suffering  and  exalted 
Saviour,  shall  cheer  my  otherwise  desolate  and  sorrowful 
hours. '^ 

"  0  lead  me  to  the  Rock 

Thai's  high  al)ove  my  head  : 

And  make  the  covert  of  thy  wingfs 

My  shelter  and  my  shade." 

April  30. — "  I  perceive  that  one  design  of  my  long  and 
painful  disorder  is  to  bring  my  spirit  not  only  to  submit,  but  to 
rest  itself,  in  that  against  which  it  naturally  rises  up  with  a 
mighty  resistance.  Nothing  has  ever  been  so  dreadful,  so  bit- 
ter to  my  soul,  as  a  state  of  dependence  ;  I  have  said,  *  Everso 
little,  if  it  be  but  in  my  own  keeping  ;  if  I  may  but  have  it  with- 
out a  suppliaut's  cry.'     1  find  by  attention  to  what  is  passing 


188  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

within,  that  this  old  evil  principle  only  gives  way,  inch  by  inch, 
disputing  and  struggling  to  the  last.  \C  at  one  time  it  seems 
more  wounded  than  at  another,  it  presently,  upon  some  sudden 
occasion,  rises  up  again  like  a  lion.  '  O  Lord,  I  am  oppressed, 
undertake  for  me.'  Destroy  this  evil  principle  of  pride  and 
unbelief.  Not  only  do  Thou  ])reserve  me  from  repining  be- 
cause thou  ordainesl  that  1  should  be,  (as  thousands  of  thy 
children  have  been  before,)  dependent  upon  thee  for  daily  bread, 
but  make  me  pleased  not  only  to  receive  it,  but  to  ask  it  from 
such  hands  as  are  disposed,  or  able,  to  send  it  me.  Enable 
me  to  take  pleasure  in  dependence:  to  say  from  the  bottom  of 
my  heart,  that  since  thou  dost  appoint  it,  it  is  the  thing  I  choose. 
I  am  ready  to  hope  I  do  feel  some  change  for  the  better  in  this 
respect:  but  when  my  love  of  dependence  is  utterly  destroyed, 
then  indeed  I  shall  have  a  strong  evidence  that  my  affliction 
has  been  greatly  blessed  to  my  soul." 

Though  Mrs.  Hawkes  was  now  constantly  confined  to  her 
sick-chamber,  a  sphere  of  usefulness  was  opening  before  her 
in  the  opportunity  of  assisting,  by  her  crnversation  and  instruc- 
tion, manv  younger  Christians.  She  took  much  delight  in  the 
society  of  young  persons,  to  whose  affections  she  found  easy 
access  by  the  sweet  and  social  temper  of  her  own  mind.  One 
after  another  resorted  to  her  for  the  advantage  of  her  counsel 
or  encouragement;  and  thus,  by  degrees,  her  religious  ac- 
quaintance became  extensive.  The  next  memorandum  fur- 
nishes an  example  of  the  solemn  manner  in  which  she  reflected 
on  the  cases  of  those  who  spoke  to  her  upon  the  stale  of  their 
souls. 

June,  1803. — "A  person  has  been  talking  to  me,  who  ex- 
presses mufh  desire  to  '  enter  the  strait  gale'  and  to  walk  in 
the  '  narrow  way  ;'  but  who  is  fearful  she  cannot  get  on,  be- 
cause of  her  hindrances,  and  because  she  is  solitary  ;  she  there- 
fore looks  on  this  side  and  that,  for  the  arm  of  some  close 
friend  to  lean  upon.  May  it  please  God  to  cause  her  to  hear 
the  Gospel  trumpet,  waxing  louder  and  louder, saying  as  it  does 
to  every  one  of  us,  '  Escape  for  thy  life  ;  look  not  behind  thee, 
neither  stay  thou  in  all  the  plain:  escape  to  the  mountain,  lest 
thou  be  consumed.'  There  have  been  many  solitary  travel- 
lers,  and  that  too  among  females,  who  have  made  their  way 
against  every  sort  of  opposition.  If  God  says,  '  VValk  alone,' 
He  will  give  wisdom  and  strength:  and  we  must  not  wait  for 
any  human  arm,  though  we  may  wish  for  one.     In  the  day 


CHAP,  v.— FROM  A.  D.  1802  TO  1811.         189 

of  judgment,  it  will  be  in  vain  to  say  to  our  Judge,  '  I  could 
not  escape,  or  flee,  as  thou  didst  command  me,  because  I  had 
no  father,  no  husband,  no  brother,  no  sister,  no  friend,  to  help 
me.'  Our  own  mouth  would  condemn  us  ;  for  God  was  made 
manifest  in  the  flesh  that  He  might  be  a  Father,  a  Husband,  a 
Brother,  a  Friend  :  and  such  the  Holy  Scriptures  declare  Him  ; 
and  such  the  believer  experimentally  finds  Him.  There  is  a 
case,  that  seems  to  allow  us  more  to  say,  and  such  I  have  seen, 
namely,  when  the  wife  thought  she  should  have  received  more 
help  from  the  Christian  husband  ;  the  brother  from  the  brother  ; 
and  the  Christian  (riend  from  the  friend.  But  in  such  cases, 
instead  of  mourning,  faltering,  complaining,  we  should  stop  and 
ask,  '  Do  I  use  all  the  help  1  have?'  If  so,  it  may  be  that 
God  does  not  allow  me  to  find  all  I  wish  in  the  creature,  lest  I 
should  lean  too  much,  and  so  continue  feeble;  lest  I  should 
build  upon  a  religion  not  my  own.  He  disappoints  me  in  the 
cistern,  that  I  may  apply  to  the  Fountain  :  for  after  all,  though 
the  waters  are  pleasant  in  the  streams,  they  are  most  life-giv- 
ing  from  the  Fountain.  So  that  even  in  this  case,  our  mouth 
will  be  stopped  with  shame,  because  there  can  be  no  ground  for 
complaint,  while  we  have  God  for  our  Father,  Jesus  Christ  for 
our  Saviour,  and  the  Holy  Spirit  for  our  guide;  and  while  we 
have  the  ordinances,  both  public  and  private,  for  our  instruc- 
tion and  consolation.  But  here  is  the  mistake, — we  incline  to 
external  helps,  because  we  find  it  more  easy  to  look  to  them 
than  to  maintain  a  secret  and  close  walk  with  God.  '  Come, 
my  people,  enter  thou  into  thy  chamhers,  and  shut  thy  doors 
about  thee.'  Nothing  so  efleciually  leaches  us  to  do  this  as  af- 
fliction." 

The  correspondence  which  Mrs.  Hawkes  maintained,  was 
another  means  by  which  her  usefulness  was  extended.  A 
friend  who  has  kindly  furnished  some  letters  for  this  Memoir, 
writes  at  the  time  of  forwarding  them  : — 

"I  was  favoured  with  Mrs.  Havvkes's  correspondence  for 
many  years,  which  I  considered  my  greatest  earthly  blessing, 
as  a  preservative  from  evil,  and  as  a  safe  guide  in  the  path  be- 
fore me.  Before  being  under  the  influence  of  religion,  the  de- 
sire to  please  her,  and  enjoy  her  approbation,  acted  as  a  talis- 
man spoken  of  in  fairy  tales.  Her  letters  were  to  me  most 
valuable,  and  the  great  ordinance  which  a  gracious  God  was 
pleased  to  make  use  of  for  my  comfort  and  encouragement 
through  many  trials."  The  extracts  which  follow,  from  letters 
addressed  to  this  friend,  will  manifest  that  she  wrote  as  well  as 


190  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

spoke  in  the  spirit  recommended  by  the  apostle,  Heb.  x.  25. 
"  Exhorting  one  another :  and  so  much  the  more  as  ye  see  the 
day  approaching  :  " — 

"  You  say,  you  hope  God  will  teach  you  '  to  understand 
practically,  as  well  as  in  theory,  the  meaning  of  justification.' 
But  I  think  you  confound  the  term  justification  with  sanctifica- 
tion  ;  by  which  your  views  may  be  kept  confused,  while  you 
are  really  the  subject  of  both,  it  is  a  great  advantage  to  have 
clear  and  distinct  views,  and  to  understand  the  true  meaning 
of  terms.  Nor  can  the  child  of  science,  of  business,  or  of 
literature,  make  any  progress  but  as  he  first  gets  well  informicd 
as  to  terms.  Much  more  should  the  Christian  be  informed  in 
every  thing  which  belongs  to  so  important  a  profession;  and 
I  name  this,  that  your  mind  may  not  be  perplexed.  If  I  have 
time,  I  will  transcribe  a  few  sentences  that  are  well  expressed, 
and  perspicuous,  on  the  subject  of  justification  and  sanctifica- 
tion.i 

"  You  must  excuse  me,  as  indeed  I  am  sure  you  will,  if  in 
writiniT  to  you,  I  seem  to  take  too  much  the  teacher's  chair; 
which  arises  not,  (if  I  know  any  thing  of  myself)  from  a  vain 
wish  to  appear  somebody,  but  simply  because  1  feel  that  I  shall 
assuredly  soon  be  gone;  and  therefore  1  am  anxious  to  give 
you  every  possible  hint ;  more  especially  as  yon  say,  I  am  your 
only  confidant  in  these  matters.  I  learn  from  the  faculty,  that 
the  termination  of  my  complaint  is  likely  to  take  place  sudden- 
ly; and  so  continually  am  1  attacked  with  symptoms  that  are 
significant,  that  I  only  wonder  I  live  from  day  to  day.  I  there- 
fore feel  towards  you,  and  some  other  of  my  friends,  that  I 
am  no  longer  under  the  restraint  of  delicacy  or  ceremony,  but 
under  the  law  of  love,  which  obliges  me  to  do  all  the  good  1 
can.  If  ever  I  can  be  supposed  to  have  a  just  view,  and  a  just 
estimate  of  things,  it  must  be  now,  when  I  am  every  hour,  and 
often  every  moment  expecting  the  command  'to  depart  hence 
and  be  no  more  seen.'  There  can  be  no  dissembling  on  a 
death-bed;  and  I  only  wish  I  could  impart  to  you  my  views 
and  feelings,  both  with  respect  to  this  world,  and  the  next. 
Believe  me,  what  things  appear  to  be  in  a  dying  hour,  that 
they  really  are.  May  divine  grace  enable  you  to  look  at  them 
in  this  only  true  point  of  view;  and  teach  you  to  cultivate  a 
life  of  faith  :  that  is,  to  be  like  those  of  old,  continually  look- 
ing *  not  at  the  things  which  are  seen,  but  at  the  things  that 
are  not  seen.'     Nothing  is  a  greater  enemy  to  faith  than  sense  ; 

1  These  extracts  have  not  been  forwarded  with  the  letters. 


CHAP.  V. FROM  A.  D.  1802  TO  1811.         19l 

and  if,  through  the  divine  aid,  you   can   get   into   the  habit  of 
turning  your  eye  and  ear  Ironi  present  things,  and  simply  ask, 

«  what  does  God  say  in  his  word  about  this  or  that  matter,' 

it  will  be  a  blessed  habit  indeed  ;  and  will  keep  you  from  much 

loss. 

*         *  *  *  *  *  *  * 

"Do  not  let  us  give  way  to  discouraging  apprehensions,  as 
if  our  salvation  were  not  in  Almighty  hands.  If  our  Saviour 
has  undertaken  to  deliver  us  from  the  power  of  Satan,  he  has 
also  undertaken  to  deliver  us  from  the  dominion  of  sin,  and 
from  being  our  own  ruin,  as  we  certainly  should  be,  without 
his  gracious  care.  We  are  to  be  '  workers  together  with  Him.' 
There  are  two  very  dangerous  errors  5 — one  is,  to  believe  that 
Christ  has  done  every  thing  for  us,  and  therefore  we  need  not 
be  concerned  as  to  our  part  of  the  affair; — and  the  other  is, 
to  believe  that  He  has  done  apart  of  the  work,  and  has  left 
us  to  perform  the  remainder,  by  our  own  ability :  one  leads  to 
presumption,  the  other  to  despondency  ;  and  both,  if  persevered 
in,  to  ruin.     May  you  in  mercy  be  kept  from  every  species  of 

error — for  so  much  error,  so  much  loss." 

#  *  *  *  * 

"1  wish,  with  you,  that  your  brother  had  some  wise  Chris- 
tian friend  and  counsellor;  for  it  is  an  universal  remark,  that 
young  converts,  from  their  zeal  and  inexperience,  are  exposed 
to  much  suffering  and  loss.  I  think  the  best  advice  that  can 
be  given  him,  is,  that  he  should  not  much  seek  religious  society 
in  general,  but  take  all  the  time  he  can,  for  getting  rooted  and 
grounded  in  right  principles,  by  prayer,  and  the  study  of  the 
Bible.  You  know  my  opinion  about  connexions, — that  I  es- 
teem it  a  mercy  to  have  been  kept,  at  my  first  setting  out  in 
religion,  from  forming  any.  'J'o  ponder  divine  truth  in  the 
heart,  and  hold  converse  with  an  ever  gracious  Saviour,  is  the 
best  plan." 

To  the  same,  after  her  marriage: — 

*' I  hope,  my  dear  friend,  you  are  entering  more  and  more 
into  the  happy  secret  of  reposing  yourself  on  a  divine  helper  ; 
and  in  order  to  facilitate  your  progress,  pray  that  you  may  be 
enabled  to  acquaint  yourself  n)ore  intimately  with  the  Divine 
Character;  that  is,  with  the  character  in  which  Christ,  in  all 
his  offices  and  relations,  condescends  to  stand  to  us.  You  will 
only  get  on  with  advantage,  as  you  look  more  to  Him,  and 
more  off  yourself,  and  all  created  things.     He  knows  you  have 


192  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

a  feeble  frame ;  He  knows  you  have  to  encounter  the  cares  of 
a  family;  He  knows  all  your  hindrances,  and  all  your  temp- 
tations and  trials;  and  that  which  you  should  labour  after,  is, 
to  tell  him  of  your  depravity, — of  your  weakness, — of  your 
wants  ;  and  receive  out  of  his  fulness  '  grace  for  grace.'  You 
say,  '  if  prayer  and  meditation  be  necessary,  you  cannot  tell 
how  the  soul  is  to  thrive  w  ilhout  twie  for  such  exercises ;  and, 
in  a  family,  such  time  cannot  be  easily  obtained.'  Here  you 
are  tacitly  inclinmg  to  the  side  of  him  who  said,  '  Thou  reapest 
where  thou  hast  not  sown,  and  gatherest  where  thou  hast  not 
strawed.'  But  it  is  you,  who  are  requiring  of  yourself,  more 
than  does  your  merciful  Master.  If  only  a  short  season  can 
be  afforded,  He  will  be  satisfied  wif-h  a  short  season  :  only  take 
care  that  you  never  delmud  Him  of  one  single  quarter  of  an 
hour  that  you  can  give.  While  you  are  told  to  be  '  fervent  in 
spirit,'  you  are  also  told  to  be  '  diligent  in  business.'  None 
disgrace  their  holy  profession  more,  than  they  who  make  it  a 
pretence  to  neglect  one  necessary  family  duty.  Nor  need  this 
interfere  with  making  the  affairs  of  the  soul  still  the  first  care ; 
fox  first  they  must  bo,  or  they  will  soon  be  nothing.  As  you 
advance  in  Christianity,  you  will  be  able  to  get  into  a  habit  of 
mental  meditation,  and  ejaculatory  prayer,  that  will  greatly 
help  you  ;  not  to  the  setting  aside  stated  seasons,  but  as  pre- 
paratives thereto.  As  your  faith  strengthens,  you  will  under- 
stand that  there  is,  even  in  this  world  of  conflict,  '  A  rest  pre- 
pared for  the  people  of  God,'  and  into  which  they  do  enter  by 
faith:  some  more  than  others,  according  to  the  strength  and 
prevalency  of  grace ;  but  not  one  pertectly  ;  for  perfect  rest 
is  only  to  be  enjoyed  in  heaven.  This  is  a  state  of  combat, 
not  of  rest ; — 

*  A  call  to  duty,  not  discharge  from  care.' 

Hereafter  we  shall  enjoy  such  a  blessed  rest,  as  will  make  ali 
our  present  trials  and  troubles  appear  but  as  momentary." 

We  now  return  to  Mrs.  Hawkes's  diary,  and  find  her  occu- 
pying her  solitary  hours  in  summing  up  those  mercies  with 
which  her  afflictions  were  mingled. 

Avis^ust,  1803. — "  In  my  painful  struggle  over  the  bridge  of 
time,  1  am  sometimes  forcibly  struck  with  one  mercy  vouch- 
safed to  me,  and  sometimes  with  a  view  of  another;  just  as 
the  ray  of  the  sun  passing  over  a  picture,  in  which  there  are 
many  figures,  brings   out  first  one  and  then  anolher,  more  vi- 


CHAP.  V FR03I  A.  D.  1802  TO  1811.         193 

vidly  than  the  rest,  though  the  other  figures  are  still  visible.  I 
would  keep  in  view  all  my  mercies,  though  they  are  more  than 
can  be  numbered.  I  have  many  pleasant  friends,  and  am 
thankful  for  the  acquisition  of  another.  Mem.  Those  friends 
have  always  proved  the  best,  whom  1  never  sought,  but  who 
were  sent  to  me  unexpectedly." 

Oct.  1803. — "  To  ennumerate  all  my  manifold  mercies  un- 
der  my  present  afflictive  dispensation,  is  impossible:  but  some 
of  them  I  can  dwell  on  with  great  thankfulness.  My  severe 
and  incurable  disease  has  removed  many  anxieties  : 

'*  First.  It  fully  proves  beyond  all  dispute,  that  1  am  in  ray 
proper  place,  where  lean  have  the  best  medical  help,  and  where  I 
can  have  the  administration  of  my  truest  and  dearest  friends ;  and 
where  I  am  not  exposed  to  those  circumstances  of  constant  agi- 
tation vvhich  would  have  been  peculiarly  aggravating  to  my 
complaint,  as  well  as  fatal  to  my  rest  of  mind. 

"  Secondly.  It  removes  anxious  desires,  and  constant  pro- 
jects, to  enter  upon  some  way  of  procuring  a  maintenance;  so 
that  I  should  not  seem  to  eat  the  bread  of  idleness,  and  not 
enter,  as  I  ought,  into  the  dispensation  of  poverty,  with  which 
God  has  seen  good  to  visit  me. 

"  Thirdly.  It  changes  censure  into  compassion  ;  and  some, 
who  before  were  disposed  to  judge  harshly,  now  express  sym- 
pathy. 

"  Fourthly.  It  takes  away  a  host  of  fears  about  the  future. 
I  have  not  now  to  look  forward  to  many  sorrows  which  life 
would  present,  and  which  to  me  would  be  far  harder  to  bear 
than  any  thing  I  now  have,  either  in  feeling  or  prospect. 

"  Fifthly.  It  has  proved  to  me,  that  there  are  no  real  friends 
but  such  as  are  found  among  the  godly. 

^^  Sixthly.  While  1  have  the  most  decided  message,  'Thou 
shalt  die  and  not  live,'  yet  the  sentence  is  executed  so  gradu- 
ally, that  I  am  not  put  into  a  hurry,  but  time  and  help  is  grant- 
ed me  to  put  my  house  in  order. 

"  Seventhly.  While  the  pain  of  my  complaint  is  sufficient 
to  keep  death  in  sight,  yet  it  is  so  bearable  as  to  allow  me  to 
keep  possession  of  my  mind,  and  to  occupy  many  hours  pleas- 
antly and  profitably  which  would  otherwise  be  very  heavy. 
It  also  secures  for  me  that  quiet,  retirement,  and  leisure,  vvhich 
are  so  congenial  and  delightful  to  my  mind,  and  so  desirable 
in  order  to  prepare  for  death. 

*'  Eighthly.  I  am,  by  this  dispensation,  led  to  see  more, 
than  1  ever  before  did,  of  the  utter  emptiness,  and  nothingness, 
of  every  thing  in  which  God  is  not ;  and  how  infinitely  he 
17 


l94  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.  HAWKES. 

surpasses  whatever  bears  the  name  of  excellent ;  and  that  in 
the  midst  of  disease,  poverty,  and  the  keenest  trials,  yet  '  hap- 
py beyond  all  description'  is  '  he  that  hath  the  God  of  Jacob 
for  his  portion.'     Most  happy,  even  in  this  life." 

When  Mrs.  Hawkes  uses  the  expression,  "  a  dispensation  of 
poverty,"  siie  speaks  relatively^  comparing  her  present  state 
of  entire  dependence,  with  her  former  affluent  circumstances. 
Actual  poverty,  as  it  implies  the  want  of  necessaries,  she  ne- 
ver experienced  ;  for  when  all  remittances  ceased  from  that 
quarter  whence  she  might  naturally  expect  them,  a  certain, 
though  small  income,  was  supplied  by  her  own  relatives  ;  and 
that  long  before  she  became  a  widow.  In  her  latter  years, 
when,  by  the  pressure  of  sickness,  her  necessary  expenses 
were  unavoidably  increased,  her  resources  were,  from  time  to 
time,  enlarged  by  the  offerings  of  Christian  love:  as  well  as  by 
the  generous  and  more  regular  assistance  rendered  her  by 
her  affectionate  nephews.  And  so  much  was  her  naturally 
independent  spirit  corrected  by  grace,  that  she  became  as  wil- 
lino-  to  receive  kindness,  as  to  show  it.  Indeed  she  could  take 
pleasure  in  necessities,  as  we  see  in  the  following  passages  of 
her  diary : — 

Nov.  1803. — *'  When  persons  have  been,  like  myself,  re- 
duced in  life,  and  brought  to  a  state  of  dependence,  it  is  very- 
common  to  hear  one  and  another  old  friend  and  acquaintance 
say,  with  a  tone  of  pity,  '  Ah  !  1  knew  her  in  her  better  days  !  I 
remember  so  and  so,  in  her  better  days!'  Nor  is  there  any  im- 
propriety in  the  expression,  in  their  sense  of  it.  But  this  I  know 
by  experience,  that  the  days  of  ease  and  worldly  prosperity  are 
seldom  to  Christians,  their  better  days.  So  far  from  it,  that  to 
the  praise  and  glory  of  God's  holy  name  would  I  speak  it,  I  have 
substantial  reason  to  call  these  my  better  days; — these  days 
and  nights  of  pain, — these  days  in  which  I  am  visited  with  an 
incurable  disorder, — these  days  of  frequent  anxiety  from  va- 
rious quarters ;  these  days  of  almost  absolute  confinement 
and  solitude, — are  not  only  my  better,  but  my  best  days  :  be- 
cause the  Saviour  condescends  to  be  more  present  with  me  in 
them:  to  manifest  himself  as  he  does  not  to  the  world;  to 
stand  by  my  bed  of  affliction,  and  speak  kindly  to  my  lieart ; 
because  I  am  taught  by  affliction,  and  enabled  by  grace,  to  cul- 
tivate  the  life  of  faith  ;  which  is  as  superior  to  the  life  of  sense, 
as  the  heavens  are  higher  than  the  earth  ;  and  that,  even  in  so 
very  small  a  measure  as  I  have  known  it. 


CHAP,  v.— FROM  A.  D.  1802  TO  1811.         195 

"  I  heartily,  and,  as  far  as  I  know,  sincerely  thank  Thee, 

0  Heavenly  Father,  for  giving  me  the  blessed  portion  of  thy 
children,  (though  it  be  a  bitter  j)ortion  to  flesh  and  blood,)  rather 
than  the  portion  of  the  worldling,  which  is  too  apt  to  be  looked 
upon  with  admiration,  desire,  and  envy, — even  by  such  as  in 
reality  know  better." 

Dec.  11,  1803. — "A  letter  has  lately  brought  tidings  of  the 
approach  of  an  outward  calamity  which  I  have  long  dreaded  : 
but  because  it  has  never  actually  taken  place,  I  had  in  some 
measure,  (as  I  discover  by  my  present  feelings,)  ceased  to  re- 
alize it  as  probable.  It  is  now  come  upon  me  like  a  flood, — . 
and  I  have  for  some  days  been  in  danger  of  sinking,  more  than 

1  ought,  in  the  newly  troubled  waters.  I  had  hoped,  as  my 
days  are  near  a  close,  I  should  have  been  permitted  to  go  to 
the  grave  in  outward  as  well  as  inward  peace  ;  I  had  hoped  to 
have  no  new  solicitude  as  to  how  I  should  be  taken  care  of, — 
when,  behold,  the  waves  begin  to  rise  higher  and  rougher. 
My  unbelieving  fears  would  present  terrible  things  to  my  view. 
1  have  already  looked  at  the  waters  till  1  begin  to  sink.  But 
to-day  my  Saviour  has  stretched  out  his  arm  of  love,  and  has 
said  to  me  as  he  said  to  the  disciples,  'Wherefore  do  ye  doubt, 
O  ye  of  little  faith?'  And  I  now  find,  though  every  thing  with- 
out continues  the  same,  that  the  storm  within  begins  to  sub- 
side, and  I  am  filled  with  sham.ethat  I  am  still  of  so  little  faith: 
little  indeed  !  to  doubt  after  such  manifold  mercies  :  I  would  go 
to  Manoah's  wife  and  blush. 

"  I  am  often  told  by  my  invaluable  minister,  and  I  know  it 
by  almost  continual  experience,  that  1  am  shamefully  defective 
in  faith  with  respect  to  the  supply  of  my  bodily  wants.  I  am 
rather  at  a  loss  how  to  account  for  this.  I  seem  more  able  to  ex- 
ercise faith  with  regard  to  the  supply  of  my  spiritual,  than  my 
temporal  wants.  Yet  how  inconsistent  is  this  !  for  will  God 
take  care  of  the  greater  and  not  of  the  less?  Will  he  provide 
for  my  soul,  and  leave  my  body  to  starve  1  Yet  still  misgiv- 
ings harass  me,  and  I  feel  it  harder  to  live  by  the  day,  in  this 
case,  thaw  in  any  other.  '  Lord,  increase  my  faith,'  and  par- 
don my  sin  and  folly." 

It  might  not  be  easy,  at  this  remote  period,  to  ascertain  what 
particular  circumstance  threatened  suddenly  to  cut  ofl'  Mrs. 
Hawkes's  small  pecuniary  supplies.  The  distress  which  such 
an  event  would  occasion  her,  even  in  anticipation,  may  be  con- 
ceived,— since  she  was  now  living  with  relations  who  were  not 
able  to  receive   her  without   remuneration.     That  her  present 


196  MEMOIRS    OF    MKS.    HAWKES. 

fears  were  of  this  nature,  may  be  gathered  from  the  following 
note,  sent  to  her  by  Mr.  Cecil  at  this  moment  of  anxiety  : — 

'*  My  dear  Madam, 

"  As  I  cannot  stir  without  my  horse,  and  as  it  is  danger- 
ous to  venture  out  in  such  a  frost,  I  add  a  line  with  the  rest, 
this  morning,  to  say,  that  whatever  pain  the  letter  you  received 
yesterday  might  occasion  you, — and  of  course  it  would  give 
us  pain  on  account  of  your  feelings, — yet  I  confess  to  you  that 
we  have  a  secret  satisfaction  in  every  movement  which  has  a  ten- 
dency to  place  you  again  in  your  old  quarters.  From  thence 
I  most  sincerely  wish  you  may  never  be  removed,  till  you  en- 
ter the  'House  not  made  with  hands,  eternal  in  the  heavens." 
I  am  also  happy  to  observe,  that  we  are  not  more  dssirous  to 
have  you  for  a  perpetual  guest,  that  my  daughters  are  to  ad- 
minister to  your  many,  and  often  painful,  infirmities  ;  nor  do  I 
believe  that  any  piece  of  news, — not  even  the  defeat  of  Buo- 
naparte,— would  give  them  so  much  pleasure  as  your  return. 
"  I  have  had  a  thought  upon  your  affairs,  which  1  will  com- 
municate as  soon  as  I  can.  Till  then,  I  am  glad  you  have 
taken  no  step. 

"  I  remain  most  truly  yours, 

"  R.  Cecil." 
'  ''Friday  Morning,  Dec.  9,  1803." 

Under  the  existing  circumstances,  it  was  thought  advisable 
that  Mrs.  Hawkes  should  leave,  for  a  season,  her  present  dwell- 
ing, and  return  to  Little  James  Street.  There  she  remained 
till  Mr.  Cecil's  family  went  to  Chobham  in  the  following  sum- 
mer: at  which  time,  her  affairs  being  arranged,  she  returned 
back  to  her  niece  at  Constitution  Row,  with  whom  she  resided 
nine  years  ; — making  only  occasional  visits,  in  the  winter,  to 
her  friends  in  Little  James  Street. 

The  complaint  from  which  Mrs.  Hawkes  was  suffering,  (an 
internal  tumour,)  occasioned,  among  other  painful  symptoms, 
severe  attacks  of  spasm.  Medical  men  were  of  opinion,  that  her 
decease  would  take  place  suddenly,  from  the  great  oppression 
on  her  breath, — should  the  tumour  continue  to  increase  in  size, 
as  rapidly  as  it  had  hitherto  done.  In  one  of  her  letters  to 
Mrs.  Jones  about  this  time  she  says  : 

"1  was  this  morning  awakened  out  of  sleep  by  some  dis- 
tressing oppression  upon  my  breath,  which  gave  me  the  idea 
of  sudden  death  :  but  as  this  has  so  long  and  so  often  attacked 
me,  it  is  not  a  circumstance  to  be  considered  as  the  immediate 


CHAP,  v.— FROM  A.  D.  1802,  TO  1811.        197 

forerunner  of  dissolution,  or  I  had  been  gone  long  ago.  I  con- 
sider it,  however,  as  a  call  to  be  ready  ;  and  I  never  feel  my 
mind  so  composed  and  happy,  as  when  I  am  under  the  strong- 
est impressions  of  being  suddenly  called  home  ;  therefore  in- 
stead of  putting  it  from  me,  1  cultivate  and  encourage  the  im- 
pression. 

•'  The  expectation  of  sudden  death,  to  one  in  any  measure 
sensible  of  the  importance  of  dying,  keeps  the  soul  awake,  and 
careful  to  see  that  the  loins  be  girded,  and  the  lamp  burning; 
that  all  things  are  set  in  order  and  readiness,  so  that  there  is 
nothing  to  do  but  to  obey  the  summons. 

'  The  realizing  of  this  expectation  ajso  helps  me  to  get 
through  some  of  my  most  painful  exercises  of  mind,  much  bet- 
ter and  more  easily.  When  a  keen  pang  darts  through  me 
like  a  two-edged  sword,  and  begins  to  rankle,  I  sometimes  stop 
it  by  '  How  foolish  !  what  does  it  signify  !  I  am  as  one  gone  ! 
it  cannot  be  long  at  any  rate  I  it  may  be  the  next  hour !  nay, 
the  next  minute^  Perhaps  the  expectation  itself  may  be  given 
purposely  to  help  me  to  endure  :  whether  it  be  so  or  not,  it 
certainly  has  such  an  effect ;  and  I  am  grieved  when  any  body 
robs  me  of  this  comfort,  by  telling  rne  I  shall  live  for  years  to 
come  ;  which,  as  no  one  can  possibly  know  for  certain,  so  I 
endeavour  to  discredit  it.  If  I  am  not  deceived  by  my  too  de- 
ceitful heart,  it  gave  me  real  pleasure  when  Mr.  A.  said,  last 
week,  he  perceived  that  the  disease  had  increased,  though  my 
health  was  pretty  good.  Surely  it  cannot  be  displeasing  to 
my  Saviour  that  I  should  wish  '  to  be  absent  from  the  body, 
and  present  with  Him.'  I  am  comforted  by  the  recollection 
that  time  is  not  necessary  to  Him,  in  order  to  bring  about  that 
meetness  which  is  wanted  to  fit  my  soul  for  his  glorious  king- 
dom  :  '  With  the  word  of  a  king  there  is  power,'  and  he  has 
only  to  sav,  '  Let  it  be  done,'  and  his  word  shall  be  instantly 
followed  by  every  necessary  preparation.  Surely  I  may  an- 
swer to  Him  who  saith,  '  Behold  I  come  quickly,' — 'Amen; 
even  so,  come,  Lord  Jesus;'  come,  by  the  power  of  thy  grace, 
to  ripen  me  for  the  garner,  and  then  send  forth  thy  messenger 
to  gather  me  in.  But  my  pain  bids  me,  for  the  present,  lay 
down  my  pen,  and  I  obey,  as  I  often  do,  most  unwillingly. 
Oh  what  a  heavy  clog  is  this  body  !" 

The  year  1804  supplies  only  a  few  unfinished  extracts. 
Mrs.  Hawkes's  increasing  disease,  occasionally  attended  with 
severe  spasms,  may  account  for  her  discontinuing  the  use  of  a 
regular  diary.     From  this  period  the  scattered  remains  of  her 

*17 


198  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

Christian  experience  are  found  on  single  scraps  of  paper,  writ- 
ten probably  at  intervals  of  ease,  and  frequently  marked  with 
the  date  of  the  year  only. 

1804. — "  Why  am  I  disposed  to  faint,  or  to  complain,  under 
my  various  afflictions  1  Because  my  mind  is  not  yet  cast  into 
the  mould  of  the  gospel.  Does  the  Scripture  mean  any  thing,  or 
does  it  not,  when  from  beginning  to  end,  it  clearly  and  fully 
speaks,  not  only  of  the  trials,  temptations,  and  sufferings,  of 
God's  people,  but  of  the  blessedness  of  such  as  are  thus  tried. 
Nay,  I  know  from  happy  experience,  that  '  It  is  good  for  me 
that  I  have  been  afflicted.'  And  yet  1  am  often  ready  to  say, 
'  It  is  enough  : '  as  if  I  were  wiser  than  God  ;  or  as  if  I  would 
be  treated  differently  from  the  rest  of  his  children  ;  or  as  if  the 
things  I  read  of  in  the  Bible  were  written  as  a  mere  history, 
rather  than  as  what  must  be  wrought  into  my  own  experience. 
It  is  /,  myself,  that  must  '  count  it  all  joy'  when  I  '  fall  into 
divers  temptations.'  It  is  /,  that  must  '  reckon  the  sufferings 
of  this  present  time  as  not  worthy  to  be  compared  with  the 
glory  that  shall  follow.'  It  is  /,  as  well  as  Moses,  that  must 
'endure,  as  seeing  Him  who  is  invisible,'  and  with  the  very 
same  faith  as  he  did;  substantially — actually — steadily.  'Lord, 
increase  my  faith  ! '  Enable  me  to  honour  thee,  by  adding  to 
the  too  {e\w^  who  suffer  cheerfully  ;  glorifying  my  Father  which 
is  in  heaven.  But  this  I  can  only  do  by  the  constant  influences 
of  thy  Holy  Spirit." 

1804. — "1  think  and  believe,  (if  I  am  not  much  deceived,) 
that  I  do,  from  the  very  bottom  of  my  heart,  thank  God,  that 
he  has  not  given  me  riches,  honours,  nor  worldly  prosperity. 
But  I  could  not  thank  him  for  what  he  has  denied  me,  if  I  was 
not  conscious  and  sure  that  he  has  given  me  what  is  infinitely 
better  ;  so  much  better,  that  even  the  very  earnest  of  my  future 
inheritance  yields  more  than  I  can  describe  ;  so  much  better, 
that  the  afflictions,  mortifications,  fears,  &c.,  that  are  given  me 
instead  of  health,  wealth,  and  honour,  are,  in  my  estimation, 
only  the  conveyance  of  necessary  correction,  medicine,  and" — 

1804. — "  I  feel  a  very  earnest  desire  to  proclaim,  as  loud 
as  I  am  able,  '  The  goodness  of  the  Lord  ; '  to  bear  witness  to 
his  mercy.  And  I  desire  it  more  especially,  because  as  he 
hath  declared  himself  in  his  holy  word,  so  have  I  experienced 
him,  through  years  of  trial,  affliction,  and  distress.  He  is 
good  to  the  rebellious;  such  was  I.  'He  is  found  of  them 
that  sought  him  not,' — nay,  that  sought  every  thing  but  Him; 
— such  was  I.  '  He  hears  the  cry  of  the  destitute; '  He  bears 
with,  and  pardons  unfaithfulness,  ingratitude,  backsliding,  im- 


CUAP.  v.— FROM  A.  D.  1802  TO  1811.        199 

patience,  &c.  But  as  I  cannot  number  his  mercies,  neither 
can  I  number  my  own  demerits.  For  this  cause,  I  long  to 
sound  his  praise.  But  my  tongue  is  often  kept  silent,  and  per- 
haps ought  to  be  more  so,  from  the  following  considerations: — 

First.  The  life  and  actions,  and  not  the  tongue,  best  show 
forth  the  praise  of  God.  It  is  easier  to  speak  well,  than  to  act 
well.  Every  day,  and  hour,  I  can  mark  this  and  that  in  some 
action  or  temper,  that  does  not  put  honour  upon  God. 

Secondly.  Lest  constitution,  and  strong  feelings,  should 
give  motion  to  my  tongue,  rather  than  grace. 

Thirdly.  Because  se//" often  steps  forward  into  the  place  of 
that  Divine  object  on  whom  I  would  dwell  ;  and  pride  would 
insinuate,  '  How  well  you  bear  your  affliction  I  Well  may 
the  horrid  insinuation  strike  me  dumb;  and  when  this  evil 
works,  may  I  be  dumb. 

Fourthly.  Though,  as  far  as  I  know,  I  do  desire  to  be 
among  the  few  that  glorify  God,  and  that  because  they  are 
few,  and  because  praise  is  due  to  him  ; — yet  1  fear,  lest  people 
may  mistake  me,  and  think  it  is  enthusiasm,  or  animal  spirits, 
or  vain-glory,  or — 

Fifthly.  Because,  instead  of  exulting,  T  ought  to  be  more 
humbled,  more  with  my  moulh  in  the  dust,  more  full  of  con- 
fession, of  contrition,  and  self-abasement.  When  Job  had  the 
clearest  and  fullest  knowledge  of  God,  he  said,  '  Behold  I  am 
vile,  I  will  lay  my  hand  upon  my  mouth.'  When  the  prophet 
saw  the  vision  in  the  temple,  he  cried  out,  '  Woe  is  me,  for  I 
am  undone.'  For  which  1  fear,  that  I  am  only  on  the  surface 
of  things,  and  that  therefore  my  tongue  is  too  flippant. 

"  I  wish  1  could  get  an  answer  to  the  enquiry, — How  far 
a  Christian,  under  peculiar  trials,  favoured  with  peculiar  sup- 
ports, may  with  the  tongue  endeavour  to  show  forth  the  Lord's 
mercy,  notwithstanding  he  has,  in  himself,  causes  of  humilia- 
tion and  sorrow,  from  the  conflict  of  sin  and  Satan  ? — and,  se- 
condly"— 

The  interesting  and  important  enquiry  here  suggested, 
causes  a  regret  that  the  passage  should  end  so  abruptly,  as  to 
deprive  the  reader  of  the  close  of  that  train  of  thought  which 
occupied  the  mind  of  the  writer. 

Mrs.  Hawkes  was  now  seldom  able  to  attend  public  ordi- 
nances. Her  great  love  to  the  courts  of  the  Lord's  house  in- 
duced her  to  make  many  painful  efibrfs  to  frequent  them.  She 
could  only  be  conveyed  to  church  on  an  elastic  cushion,  placed 


200  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

between  the  seats  of  a  hackney  coach  ;  and  the  paroxysms  of 
her  pain  frequently  prevented  her  from  remaining  through  the 
service.  How  her  soul  longed  after  renewed  opportunities  of 
worshipping  in  the  sanctuary,  and  what  was  her  estimate  of 
them,  will  be  seen  from  the  following  letter  to  Mrs.  Jones,  in 
which  she  writes : 

"  f  was  out  on  Sunday  morning,  because  it  was  sacrament 
Sunday  ;  but  I  much  question  if  I  can  now  go  except  on  those 
feast-days,  which  1  shall  give  up  still  more  reluctantly,  if  possi- 
ble, than  I  do  the  other  Sundays,  w  hich  are  commonly  feast-days 
too.  But  if  1  am  deprived  of  both,  I  trust  I  shall  not  want; 
for  it  is  not  from  the  ordinances,  but  from  the  God  of  ordinan- 
ces, that  good  Cometh.  I  am  indeed  constantly  astonished  at 
the  goodness  and  mercy  1  every  day  experience:  so  much  de- 
merit, and  yet  so  much  loving-kindness!  Truly  as  the  hea- 
vens are  higher  than  the  earth,  so  are  His  ways  above  our  ways  ! 

"  This  time  last  year,  I  thought,  if  I  should  live  to  see  ano- 
ther winter,  I  should  feel  really  unhappy.  Yet  I  have  lived, 
and  I  am  now  glad  on  the  account  ;  for  though  it  has  been  a 
year  of  suffering,  yet  1  have  also  therein  largely  experienced 
the  Lord's  faithfulness,  love,  and  amazing  condescension.  The 
views  of  himself  and  eternal  things  with  which  He  has  favoured 
me  ;  the  nearness  and  dependence  into  which  he  has  been  gra- 
ciously leading  me;  together  with  a  deep  and  abiding  sense  of 
my  own  entire  unworthiness  and  helplessness;  and  the  vanity 
and  emptiness  of  earthly  things,  such  as  I  never  could  have 
gained  but  by  suffering; — these  oblige  me  to  say,  I  am  glad  I 
have  seen  this  year;  and  I  am  led  to  hope  that,  if  it  should 
seem  best  to  the  Divine  will  to  continue  me  yet  longer,  I  shall 
not  in  the  end  be  sorry.  1  confess  I  should  feel  it  belter  to  de- 
part;  yet  I  have  no  doubt  that  our  conceptions  of  what  God 
has  to  reveal  to  faith,  even  in  this  world,  are  very  inadequate. 
We  may  say,  I  shall  see  glorious  things  in  heaven  ;  and  a 
stronger  degree  of  faith  would  say,  1  may,  I  shall,  if  it  is  not  my 
own  fault,  see,  by  faith,  glorious  things  on  earth — such  as  the 
heart  has  never  once  conceived.  The  glorious  character  of 
the  Triune  God,  seems  a  subject  of  which  we  can  hardly  take 
a  glimpse:  and  which  calls  for  every  capacity  of  the  soul  and 
mind,  to  explore  in  any  degree.  How  does  it  at  the  same 
time  both  humble  and  exalt! 

"  According  to  sense,  I  have  much  more  to  fear  now  than  I 
had  last  year.  The  prospect  is  dismal,  and  when  faith  ebbs, 
and  sense  prevails,  my  fears  are  mighty  :  yet  I  dare  not  tempt 


CHAP.  V FROM  A.  D.  1802  TO  1811.         201 

Divine  power  and  goodness,  by  allowedly  giving  place  to  des- 
pondency. Who  is  it  that  has  taken  care  of  me  hitherto? 
And  who  has  kept  me  as  in  the  hollow  of  his  hand  1  Who  is 
it  that  has  put  it  into  the  heart  of  so  many  friends  to  show  me 
such  wonderful  kindness  1  Ah  !  He  is  too  tried  a  friend  for  me 
to  distrust." 

While,  however,  Mrs.  Hawkes  was  generally  prevented  from 
worshipping  in  the  assembly  of  the  saints,  she  was  not  left 
comfortless;  but  was  still  enabled  to  seek,  and  enjoy,  ineffable 
communion  with  her  adorable  Saviour  ;  of  which  a  glimpse  is 
afforded  in  the  following  extract: 

Jan.  13,  1805,  Sundai/. — "  While  seeking,  and  weeping, 
after  my  Lord  and  Saviour,  he  seems  to  say  to  me  with  the 
same  gracious  love  and  benignity  as  he  did  to  Mary,  '  Woman, 
why  weepest  thou,  whom  seekelh  thou  1'  My  heart  replies,  I 
seek  one,  whom  not  having  seen  I  love.  One,  whom  my  faith 
realizes  as  '  the  chlefest  among  ten  thousand,  and  altogether 
lovely.'  One  who  can  make  me  happy  in  himself,  though  all 
other  things  were  against  me.  One,  whom  to  know  is  present 
joy,  and  life  eternal.  I  would  only  live  to  become  more  ac- 
quainted with  him." 

Jan.  20,  1805,  Sunday. — "  Word  was  brought  me  that  Mr. 
C.'s  text  this  morning  was,  '  Say  ye  to  the  righteous,  it  shall 
be  well  with  him  ;'  or,  'say  ye  to  the  righteous,  good.' 

'  The  characters  are  such  as  God  esteems  good — not  man — 
not  themselves.' 

"  I  desire  to  stand  forward  as  a  witness  to  the  truth  of  this 
text.  1  have  had  years  of  pain — of  humiliating  circumstances 
— of  anxious  cares  and  forebodings — of  perpetual  disturbance — 
of  inward  conflict^of  much  confinement — yet  I  have  had  ex- 
perience of  Good,  unspeakable  : — Therefore,  in  pain,  in  weak- 
ness, in  humiliating  circumstances,  in  disappointments,  in  soli- 
tariness, in  tossings,  in  conflict,  and  especially  in  death,  '  Say 
ye  to  the  righteous,  good.'  And  let  every  one  bear  their  testi- 
mony that  'good  is  the  word  of  the  Lord  which  he  hath  spo- 
ken.'" 

During  the  winters  of  1805  and  1806,  the  writer  of  this 
Memoir  had  the  privilege  and  happiness  of  being  Mrs.  Hawkes's 
constant  companion  and  attendant.  At  that  time,  a  deep  im- 
pression was  made  u[)on  her  mind,  though  but  a  child,  by  wit- 
nessing the  cheerful  submission  with  which  Mrs.  Hawkes  bore 
her  sufferings.     Her  kind  and  instructive  canvcrsation  made 


202  MEMOIRS  OF  3IRS.  HAWKE3. 

the  hours,  even  of  a  sick  room,  to  pass  pleasantly.  Every  in- 
terval of  tolerable  ease  was  occupied  in  listening  to  reading, 
during  which  she  would  employ  her  hands  in  doing  many  lit- 
tle offices,  in  order  to  lessen  the  duties  of  a  servant,  or  to  pro- 
nnote  cleanliness  and  order.  Even  when  the  infirmities  of  age 
were  added  to  those  occasioned  by  disease,  she  was  a  pattern 
of  industry,  and  effort.  She  used  often  to  say,  "  I  consider  it 
an  absolute  duty  not  to  yield  to  feelings  of  langour  and  lassi- 
tude, but  to  rouse  myself  to  exertion  ;  and  1  find  that  such 
efforts,  though  often  painful,  tend  to  keep  up  good  habits,  which 
in  pain  and  sickness  we  naturally  incline  to  neglect." 

Mrs.  Hawkes's  hours  of  pain  and  solitude  were  at  this  time 
much  relieved  by  the  Christian  friendship,  as  well  as  medical 
attention,  of  Dr.  Fearon,  whose  active,  sympathising,  and  un- 
remitting kindness,  was  continued  to  the  end  of  her  life.  The 
benefit  and  comfort  which  she  derived  from  Dr.  Fearon's  visits, 
may  be  inferred  from  an  allusion  which  Mr.  Cecil  makes  to 
his  temporary  absence  from  town,  in  the  following  letter  to 
Mrs.  Havvkes : — 

Chohham,  Aug.  26,  1805. 

"  My  dearest  Daughter, 

"I  was  thinking,  (after  reading  your  letter  to  Mrs.  C, 
received  this  morning,)  of  the  new  symptom  of  your  disorder, 
and  the  long  absence  of  Dr,  Fearon,  and  that  I  should  send 
you  a  line;  but  it  occurred.  What  have  I  to  write  about?  espe- 
cially on  a  Saturday,  when  1  ought  to  think  only  of  my  ser- 
mons for  the  morrow.  Yet  I  ought  to  recollect,  that  I  have 
some  reasons  also  for  writing.  Are  you  not  one  of  the  '  plants 
of  my  hand,  and  children  of  my  prayer?'  Are  you  not  passing 
through  a  very  trying  dispensation  though,  as  my  wife  says, 
the  very  happiest  woman  in  the  world?  Is  there,  as  you  remark, 
a  soul  left  m  town,  &c.  &c. 

"  But  1  must  tell  you,  nty  dear  daughter,  that  I  have  received 
considerable  benefit  from  passing  through  the  marked  parts  of 
'Adam's  Thoughts,'  (which  indeed  are  almost  all  marked  in 
my  book,)  and  particularly  with  respect  to  the  entire  resigna- 
tion we  should  make  of  our  own  will  and  choice,  as  to  the 
things  and  events.  A  believer  seems  quite  to  forget  himself 
when  he  begins  to  wish.  'The  such  and  such  things,'  (such 
1  mean  as  Foriunatus's  cap  and  purse,  and  the  ten  thousand 
things  besides,  which  the  nnfortundtusps  pine  after  in  vain,) 
are  all  in  the  believer's  inventory,  and  ready  for  his  use,  when- 


CHAP.  V. FROM  A.  D.  1802  TO  1811.        203 

ever  he  can  use  them.     Of  this  we  have  infallible  certainty; 
we  acknowledge  it,  and  then  sit  down  and  wish  ! 

"  <0  God,'  says  Mr.  Adam,  '  give  me  what  thou  knowest 
to  be  good,  and  thou  alone  knowest;  and  if  that  is  the  reverse 
of  what  I  ask,  give  me  that  reverse,  and  let  me  not  be  undone 
by  my  prayers.' 

"  VVe  are,  in  s!iort,  all  wrong  till  we  are  in  this  stale  of  mind  ; 
while,  the  listening  to  our  suggestions,  and  the  leaning  to  our 
understandings,  is  but  walking  with  fools  and  robbers,  the 
trained  gang  of  old  '  Lord  VVill-be-vvill,'  that  wicked  one,  which 
my  little  daughter  so  cries  out  against. 

"  I  cannot  get  a  house  in  either  of  the  parishes,  or  any  thing 
like  one.*  I  have  a  mere  chance,  and  that  at  four  miles  dis- 
tance;  and  as  Mr.  Jerram  comes  with  hi.s  family  at  Michael- 
mas, to  make  preparation  against  his  scholars'  return  in  Octo- 
ber, it  is  probalDle  that  I  must  remain  here  later  than  my  fami- 
ly,— which,  I  fear,  you  will  sadly  lament,  as  I  have  reason  to 
think  you  are  yet  not  quite  out  of  old  Will-be-will's  control, 
though  I  know  that  you,  as  well  as  the  child,  protest  against  his 
government. 

"  But  after  what  I  have  written,  I  must  not  go  to  wishing, 
but  endeavour  by  example,  to  teach  you  not  merely  to  be  sa- 
tisfied, but  to  be  pleased  with  whatever  occurs.  Yet  as  I  feel 
greatly  the  infirmities  of  age  coming  on,  and  as  1  do  not  ex- 
pect soon  to  be  able  to  say  with  Adam,  'Blessed  be  God  for 
all  his  favours,  and  particularly  for  the  special  mercy  of  the 
stone,'  I  cannot  help  wishing  for  a  quiet  retreat  for  the  old 
age  of  your  very  affectionate  father  and  friend, 

"R.  Cecil." 

A  slight  reference  has  been  made  (page  150)  to  the  circum- 
stance, that  after  Mrs.  Hawkes  became  dependent,  she  had 
thoughts  of  opening  a  borading-school.  In  one  of  the  memo- 
randums which  belong  to  the  year  1806,  she  confirms  this  fact, 
by  her  own  allusion  to  it : — 

1806. — "  In  reviewing  the  great  privilege,  and  high  advan- 
tage, of  being  an  inmate  in  the  house  of  my  revered  minister, 
I  have  been  ready  to  ask — Why  is  this!     Surely  it  is  to  fit 


1  It  was  on  this  occasion  that  Thomns  Bainbridge,  Esq.  a  mem- 
ber of  Mr.  Cecil's  congregation  at  8l.  John's,  kindly  and  generously 
came  forward,  and  built  a  house  at  Chol)ham.  which  he  let  to  Mr.  Cecil, 
at  a  low  rate,  as  long  as  he  was  able  to  make  use  of  it. — Ed. 


204  MEMOIBS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

me  for  some  more  active  and  useful  sphere  hereafter.  When 
I  had  thoughts  of  opening  a  boarding-school,  my  enquiry 
seemed  answered.  But  how  diflerent  is  my  dispensation  !  In- 
stead of  active  life,  I  am  visited  with  an  incurable  disease, 
shut  up  to  endure  solitary  days  and  nights,  in  pain  and  rest- 
less turnings.  Instead  of  instructing  others,  I  am  made  to  turn 
my  eyes  inward  to  my  own  heart.  How  great  have  been  my 
advantages,  in  having  so  long  before  my  eyes  the  example  of 
my  afflicted,  suffering  minister !  How  often  have  I  seen  him 
bear  up  under  pain  !  What  lessons  of  humility,  faith,  patience, 
holy  fortitude,  cheerful  submission,  resignation,  and  even 
thankfulness,  has  he  constantly  exhibited  I  How  he  has  seized 
every  interval  of  ease  for  the  good  of  the  church  !  labouring 
under  extremity  of  pain,  in  his  holy  calling.  And  are  these 
lessons  nothing  worth  to  one  who  has  also  to  pass  through 
many  sufferings?  They  are  of  unspeakable  value;  and  my  aim 
shall  be  to  improve  such  an  example,  how  little  soever  1  may 
attain  ;  and  1  will  look  ibr  the  same  Divine  helper  that  he  had." 

1806. — "  1  am  much  grieved  for  a  dying  friend  who  is  in 
a  very  uncomfortable  state  of  mind  ;  and  who  seems  unable  to 
adopt,  under  her  dispensation,  the  language  of  Jeremiah,  *  He 
putteth  his  mouth  into  the  dust,'  &c.  '  V\  herefore  doth  a  liv- 
ing man  complain?'  Lam.  iii.  She  unhappily  keeps  looking 
at  second  cavses — a  sure  way  to  pierce  herself  with  the  sharp- 
est thorns.  Whatever  blame  may,  and  often  does,  attach  to 
instruments,  yet  it  is  the  believer's  privilege,  and  highest  wis- 
dom, to  refer  every  circumstance  through  life,  great  and  small, 
to  God,  the  great  First  Cause,  who  numbers  the  hairs  of  our  head. 
Till  the  heart  and  mind  are  brought  to  bow  down  in  absolute  sub- 
mission, and  to  say  with  full  consent  and  satisfaction,  '  Shall 
not  the  judge  of  all  the  earth  do  right?'  there  is  no  rest  for  the 
soul. 

*'  But  how  is  this  absolute  submission,  self-renunciation,  and 
full  acquiescence  in  the  Divine  will,  to  be  obtained?  By  read- 
ing many  books?  By  hearing  many  sermons?  By  fre- 
quenting the  sacramental  table?  By  the  best  human  instruc- 
tion and  persuasion  ?  By  separating  from  the  customs,  fash- 
ions amusements,  and  company  of  the  gay  world?  By  learn- 
ing to  speak  the  language  of  peity  ?  By  maintaing  a  religious 
profession,  and  consorting  with  the  excellent  of  the  earth? 
By  having  the  understanding  enlightened  to  understand  gosj^ei 
doctrines?  By  occasional  strong  convictions  of  sin,  and  Ire- 
quent  retiring  to  read  the  Scriptures?  By  saying,  and  with 
meaning  too.  'Let  medio  the  death  of  the  riiihteous?'     Not 


CHAP.  V. FROM  A.  D.  1802  TO  1811.        205 

by  these  means  alone,  is  this  lesson  of  submission  to  be  ob- 
tained :  but  also  by  a  deep  impression  made  upon  the  heart, 
by  the  teaching  of  the  Holy  Spirit.  The  blessed  Spirit  alone 
can  give  a  '  contrite  heart ;'  and  a  contrite  heart  alone  can  be  an 
absolutely  submissive  heart. 

"  Come,  Holy  Spirit,  and  teach  me  never  more  to  question, 
never  more  to  dispute,  never  more  to  resist,  never  more  to 
complain,  never  more  to  doubt,  fear,  or  faint :  but  teach  me 
entire  submission  to,  and  simple  dependence  upon,  infmite  wis- 
dom, infinite  power,  and  infinite  mercy." 

1806. — •'  xMy  pain  and  the  restlessness  of  my  days  and  nights, 
is  not  to  be  described.  1  am  driven  by  absolute  necessity  '  to 
live  by  the  day :'  nor  can  I  ever  be  sufficiently  thankful  for 
this  happy  secret.  To  look  forward  to  the  morrow,  would  be 
to  look,  like  Peter,  at  the  waves,  and  sink.  But  to  live  by 
the  day,  enables  me,  in  some  degree,  to  walk  upon  the  waters  ; 
or  at  least,  to  keep  hold  of  the  rope  thrown  out  by  a  friend  to 
save  me  from  sinking.  How  invaluable  is  that  Friend,  who 
not  only  holds  out  the  rope,  but  who  enables  me  to  lay  hold 
of  it!  while  He,  at  the  same  time,  keeps  (if  1  may  so  speak,) 
the  upper  end  of  it  in  his  own  Almighty  hand. 

"  1  hope  that  among  other  invaluable  lessons  I  have  gained 
from  my  revered  minister,  I  have  in  some  measure  learnt  to 
comfort  myself,  during  fits  of  pain,  by  frequently  enumerating 
my  mercies.  And  1  always  come  to  the  conclusion,  that  the 
half  cannot  be  numbered:  especially  if  I  take  a  view  of  my 
deserts." 

We  will  close  the  year  1806,  with  a  letter  from  Mrs.  Hawkes 
to  Mrs.  Jones,  in  which  she  further  describes  her  feeliniis  at 
this  period : 


o 


"  How  does  my  dear  sister?  and  how  does  all  her  household  ? 
with  whom  my  thoughts  are  often  in  the  day.  Time  makes 
all  possible  haste  to  speed  us  where,  I  trust,  we  shall  enjoy 
each  other's  society  without  a  sigh  or  a  tear.  Strange,  and  al- 
most past  belief,  that  I  should  be  near  the  close  of  1806,  when 
in  1801,  I  had,  as  I  thought,  all  things  in  readiness  to  set  sail, 
and  but  a  very  short  voyage  in  prospect.  1  fear,  that  from 
long  continued  expectation,  I  begin  to  be  insensible,  and  to 
lose  sight  that  I  still,  as  much  as  ever,  stand  on  the  banks  of 
Jordan  ;  and  that  sentence  suspended,  is  not  sentence  revoked. 
How  insensible,  and  strangely  stupid  is  human  nature  !  No- 
thing less  is  sufficient  to  keep  the  mind  awake  than  one  shake 
18 


206  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

after  another;  sol  find  it,  even  while,  as  it  were,  carrying 
death   about  with  me.     But  every  body  is  not  so  stupid,  so 
cumbered  by  a  vile  body.     1  often,  like  Samson,   attempt  to 
'  go  out  and  shake  myself  as  at  other  times  ;'  and  get  my  books 
and  things  around  me,  and  say  to  myself,  '  Now  I  can  go  on 
again.'     But  soon    alas !    the  heavy  clog   vveighs  down   my 
mind, — or  restlessness  distracts  it, — and  I  find  I  can  do  no- 
thing.    However,  1  have  to  be  thankful  that  if  in  one  respect 
my  case  resembles  Samson's,  it  does  not  in  the  other ;  for  the 
Lord  is  not  departed  ;  though  that  He  is  not,  is  owing  to  His 
own  unspeakable  mercy,  and  not  to  any  thing  He  can  see  in 
me ;  for  truly   He  can  see  only  utter  depravity,  want  of  faith, 
of  love — with    weakness    of  every  sort.      1   am    sometimes 
ready  to   shrink  when  I  consider,  that  if  I  see  such   evil  and 
death  in  myself,  what  must  those  eyes  behold  that  search  and 
pierce   the  spirits  through  !    If  the    holy  prophet  cried    out, 
'  Woe  is  me,  for  I  am  a  man  of  unclean  lips,'  what  must  such 
a  creature  as  I  say  ?     Thanks  be  to  God,  He  has  put  it  into  my 
mouth,  and  into  my  heart,  what  to  say  ;  and  as  far  as  He  enables 
me.  His  word  I  will  plead,  and  His  promises  will  I  build  upon : 
and  thus  truth  shall  be  maintained,  and  peace  and  joy  in  believ- 
ing be  secured.     1  have  those  words  much  in    my  mind,  '  To 
whom  coming  as  unto  a  living  stone.'     If  spiritual  life  were 
lodged  in  our  hands,  our  souls  would  be  in  a  withering  state: 
but  it  is  lodged  in  higher  hands  ;  and  it  is  our    privilege,  no 
less  than  our  duty,  to  be  in  the  constant  habit  of  applying  for  it. 
*  To   whom  coming,' — a  continued  act.     Oh  for    faith  to  be 
more  alive   to  the  exercise !     This  alone  makes  life  to  be  en- 
dured,— especially  such  a  life  as  mine  ;  and  when  faith  grows 
feeble,  then  it  is  truly  a  burden  to  live. 

"  I  know  not  how  I  shall  feel  when  death  really  approaches  ; 
but  at  present,  I  have  much  comfort  in  thinking  I  shall  leave  a 
weary  world  before  old  age  arrives  :  though,  I  confess,  I  do 
shrink  at  the  expectation  of  the  dreadful  pain  that  must,  as  far 
as  I  can  judge,  attend  my  dismission.  The  threatening  fore- 
tastes I  already  have,  make  me  tremble :  yet  I  know  the  di- 
vine arm  is  still  able  to  support  me  through  the  most  trying 
hour ;  and  that  if  it  please  my  Saviour  to  allow  me  faith  to 
lean,  like  John,  upon  his  breast,  no  pain  would  tempt  me  to 
^ive  up  that  sacred  privilege,  in  exchange  for  ease.  My  con- 
stant cry  is,  that  I  may  be  enabled  to  glorify  God  in  extremity. 
I  have  been  sadly  deficient  in  this  high  privilege  through  life, 
and  it  will  be  a  great  mercy  if  I  am  enabled  to  do  it  in  my 
sickness  and  death.     Farewell,  "  S.  H." 


CHAP.  V. FROM  A.  D.  1802  TO  1811.        207 

The  year  1807,  supplies  only  two  memorandums,  both  of 
which  are  interesting, — as  atlbrding  a  specimen  of  the  interior 
working  of  Mrs.  Hawkes's  mind,  and  her  habit  of  strict  self- 
examination.  The  first  occurs  at  the  beginning,  and  the  se- 
cond, towards  the  close  of  the  year. 

Sunday,  Jan.  4,  1807. — "  In  approaching  the  table  of  the 
Lord  to-day,  I  think  I  had,  in  some  measure,  an  answer  to  my 
prayers  for  recollection.  I  went  with  the  idea  that  perhaps 
this  might  be  the  last  time  I  should  ever  be  present  at  that  sa- 
cred ordinance;  and  my  prayer  was,  that  all  my  sins  and  fol- 
lies might  indeed  be  blotted  out  by  that  precious  blood  which 
was  shed  for  sinners,  and  which  '  cleanseth  from  all  sin ;'  and 
that  my  Saviour  would  undertake  for  me  with  respect  to  my 
sufferings  and  death.  I  endeavoured  to  urge  the  plea  of  the 
Psalmist,  '  Thou  hast  been  a  shelter  for  me;'  O  be  such  to  me 
unto  the  end.  It  was  in  this  favoured  house,  thou  didst  first 
say  unto  me,  <  Live.'  In  this  house,  thou  hast,  through  the 
ministry  of  thy  faithful  servant,  brought  me  up  even  till  now. 
Here  have  1  been  nourished,  and  cherished,  as  a  child  under  a 
tender  nurse.  Here,  I  have  been  fed  with  the  choicest  food, 
and  learnt  my  best  lessons ;  and  here  I  have  found  my  best 
friends.  Lord,  let  these  past  mercies  be  a  pledge  of  future  fa- 
vours. While  thus  pleading,  it  was  said  to  my  heart,  '  Daugh- 
ter, remember.'  Recollection  presented  to  my  mind  a  view  so 
vivid,  and  so  extensive,  that  in  vain  shall  I  try  to  delineate  it; 
I  can  only  sketch  the  mere  outline.  1  was  particularly  struck 
with  this  remark  in  the  sermon  I  had  just  been  hearing,  (upon 
Luke  xvi.  25.)  'Among  other  considerations  which  makes  a 
death-bed  awful,  is  this, — that  it  is  generally  a  time  of  recol- 
lection; it  is  then  emphaticaly  said,  '  Son,  remember.'  This 
awfully  important  consideration  has  led  me  to  cry  to  my  Savi- 
our that  this  time  of  painful  recollection  may  be  before,  and 
not  in,  my  last  hours.  That  those  sins  and  follies  which  I 
have  forgotten,  or  thought  lightly  of, — but  which  must  yet  be 
set  before  me,  for  repentance,  humiliation,  and  in  order  to  mag- 
nify divine  mercy  in  so  long  bearing  with  me, — may,  if  it  please 
Him,  be  brought  to  my  view  before  I  have  to  struggle  v/ith 
weakness  and  pain,  confused  faculties  and  death." 

In  the  summer  of  this  year,  Mrs.  Hawkes  was  again  attacked 
by  severe  spasms.  The  state  both  of  her  body  and  mind  at 
this  lime,  is  described  in  the  following  letter  to  Mrs.  Jones  : — 

^'  In  the  sharpest  attack  of  spasms  I  have  had  for  the  last 


208  ME3I0IRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKE3. 

two  years,  and  which  lasted  six  hours  without  intermission, 
your  letter  was  brought  to  rne.  '  That  is  right,'  I  said,  '  you 
have  brought  me  the  best  cordial,  this  earth  can  afford.'  May 
the  Lord  who  knoweth  what  I  need,  continue  my  beloved  sis- 
ter to  me  as  long  as  it  shall  please  Him  that  my  pilgrimage 
should  continue. 

"The  weather  is  so  very  seasonable  for  the  harvest,  that  I 
am  afraid  to  say  how  it  oppresses  me,  lest  it  should  look  like 
complaint.  Last  night  1  was  not  able  to  remain  in  bed,  but 
being  relieved  from  the  spasms,  I  could  not  be  thankful  enough 
that  I  had  not  those  pains  to  endure  as  well  as  the  heat.  Ah. 
at  the  worst  of  times  there  is  abundant  cause  for  praise  !  I  of- 
ten thank  the  Lord,  not  that  I  am  a  sinner,  but  that  since,  alas  1 
1  am  so,  he  shews  it  to  me;  because  the  knowledge  of  my  de- 
serts gives  me  to  feel  every  thing  so  mixed  with  mercy.  I  can 
sit  and  enumerate,  time  without  end,  the  sufferings  1  deserve, 
and  have  not.  This  instances  free  and  sovereign  grace  beyond 
the  calculation  of  angels.  Yet  I  still  love  to  mourn,  and  be 
ashamed,  over  a  thousand  shoots  of  that  root  of  bitterness, 
hea?'t -'dihelsm  ;  for  what  but  this  makes  me  ever  cast  down 
about  the  future?  What  but  this,  makes  me  a  'practical  un- 
believer, while  calling  myself  a  believer.  What  but  this  makes 
me  stand  aghast  at  some  of  the  dark  ways  of  Providence?  Oh 
for  faith  to  take  the  scriptures  as  a  child  does  his  horn-book, 
and  never  once  ask  why  A  is  placed  before  B.  It  is  so — and 
if  we  will  perversely  misplace  the  alphabet,  we  shall  never  get 
on,  except  in  ignorance  and  folly.  Two  or  three  most  affect- 
ing providences  have  lately  occurred  within  my  circle  of  friends, 
to  persons  of  real  godliness,  which  are  so  overwhelming  and 
mysterious,  that  I  say  in  my  haste, — give  me  the  Bible,  and  may 
the  Lord  give  me  faith  to  fix  on  it,  or  my  head  will  grow^  giddy 
with  amazement,  confusion  and  dread.  '  Shall  not  the  judge 
of  all  the  earth  do  right?'  Let  a  thousand,  and  ten  thousand 
tongues,  with  the  deepest  reverence  reply,  '  Righteous  art  thou, 
O  Lord.'  This  makes  a  jjractical  believer.  But  I,  sad  to  say, 
am  not  oneof  that  blessed  number;*  either  with  respect  to  my- 
self or  others ;  yet  it  is  well  to  have  the  standard,  since,  as 
Herbert  says, 

'  Who  aimeth  at  the  ski', 

Shoots  higher  far  than  he  that  means  a  tree.* 

"  Ever  yours, 

"  S.  H." 

^  Compare  Mark  iv,  40,  with  Like  xvii.  6. — Ed. 


CHAP.  V. FROM  A.  D.  1802  TO  1811.        209 

From  the  same  to  the  same. 

"  As  I  have  great  pleasure  in  writing  to  my  beloved  sister, 
and  as  she  kindly  desires  to  hear  often,  I  will  write  straight 
forward  that  which  is  uppermost.     When  ruminating  on  ray 
pillow  this  morning,  many  painful  and  anxious  thoughts  rushed 
into  my  mind,  like  an  overwhelming  tide,  till  my  tears  began 
to  flow.      When  I  raised  myself  up,  I  opened  my  Bible  upon 
the  95th  Psalm  ;  which  the  moment  it  met  my  eyes,  seemed 
to  call  upon  me  with  the  voice  of  mercy  and  authority,  not  to 
be  grovelling  among  earthly  cares,  but  to  raise  ray  heart,  and 
join  in  the  song,  '  Come  let  us  sing  unto  the  Lord,  let  us  make 
a  joyful  noise  unto  the  rock  of  our  salvation.'     And  through 
divine  assistance,  my  soul  mounted  upwards  on  the  wings'of 
faith  ;  I  forgot  my  anxieties,  and  my  mouth  was  filled  with 
praise: — first,  for  being  led  to  the  rock  that  is  higher  than  I, 
and  being  enabled  to  feel  it  a  rock  of  defence  and  of  shade  in 
a  weary  land  : — secondly,  for  the  many  and  great  mercies  I 
have  experienced  the  last  ten  years  of  my  life  ;  by  which  I  am 
encouraged  to  hope  that  it  shall  be  well  with  me  to  the  end: 
because  '  the  Lord  is  a  great  God,  and  in  his  hand  are  the  deep 
places,'  or  the  treasures  hid  in  deep  places ;  '  the  sea  is  His.' 
&c. ;  and  therefore,  though  it  may  please  him  to  humble  me, 
by  giving  me  but  a  scanty  portion,  it  shall  be  a  sufficient  por- 
tion :  and  last  as  long  as  it   will  be  wanted,  and  come  from 
whom  He    pleases.      Wherefore,    leaving  the   ordering  and 
managing  of  all  events  to  him,  the  conclusion  is  '  to  worship 
Him  in  spirit  and  in  truth,'  and  to  keep  close  to  him  by  prav- 
er;  blessing  his  holy  name  that  He  has  made  me  'the  sheep 
of  his  pasture  ;'  and,  though   [  am  like  the  emblem,  a  poor, 
silly,  weak  sheep,  yet  I  do  know  his  voice,  and  desire  above 
all  things,  to  follow  my  good  shepherd  most  fully,  till  He  be 
pleased  to  take  me  into  his  fold  above. 

"  Thoughts  like  these  have  dried  up  my  tears,  and  will,  \ 
trust,  give  me  a  lift  through  another  heavy  day; — for  the  hot 
weather,  together  with  ray  many  infirmities,  truly  make  my 
days  so  heavy  I  scarcely  know  how  to  get  through  them. 
"  Ever  yours,  afl^ecticnately, 

"  S.  H." 

There  remains  only  in  this  year,  a  reference  made  by  Mrs. 
Hawkes  to  a  funeral  sermon  preached  by  Mr.  Cecil,  and  which 
may  be  seen  in  his  works,  vol.  ill.,  page  80,  of  the  first  edition. 

Nov.  22,  1807. — "  Our  revered  minister  preached  this  dav 

18* 


110  3IEM01RS    OF    MRS.  HAWKES. 

on  the  death  of  the  Rev.  Nathaniel  Gilbert,  formerly  assistant 
minister  at  St.  John's  Chapel.  His  text  was  taken  from  Psalm 
xxxvii.  37.  '  Mark  the  perfect  man,  and  behold  the  upright; 
for  the  end  of  that  man  is  peace.' 

"  I  am  much  struck  by  some  sliort  accounts  of  Mr.  G.'s 
truly  peaceful  end.  For  many  years  he  had  lived  in  the  fear 
of  death.  But  the  latter  part  of  his  life,  and  especially  from 
the  beginning  of  his  last  illness,  he  lost  every  fear.  When  he 
was  very  near  his  last  moments,  he  was  heard  to  say  in  low, 
but  animated  accents,  '  I  am  ready,  Lord  ! — Lord,  I  am  ready !' 

"  Who  but  thereal  Christian  can  say  this?  I  would  ask  my- 
self in  the  presence  of  an  all  seeing  eye, — can  I,  after  having 
for  many  years  the  name  to  live, — after  much  desiring  for 
many  years  to  depart, — after  having  for  m.any  years  warning 
to  prepare  for  death, — can  I  say,  '  Lord,  I  am  ready] '  Make 
diligent  search,  O  my  soul  :  do  any  sins  of  folly,  pride,  infir- 
mity, self-indulgence,  ingralitdue,  &c.,  lie  hidden,  which  thou 
hast  not  brought  out,  and  dost  not  continually  bring  out,  and 
spread  before  the  Lord,  in  deep  repentance  and  humiliation  ? 
Does  any  darling  sin  lie  rolled  up,  for  which  thou  art  pleading, 
'  Is  it  not  a  little  one  ? '  Art  thou  that  perfect,  sincere,  and  en- 
tire character  that  was  described  this  morning  1  Is  there  no 
double-dealing,  no  subterfuge,  no  concealment,  no  face  and 
colour  put  upon  thy  actions?  And  if  the  answer  of  conscience 
to  all  this  is  peace,  dost  thou  renounce  righteous-self  as  well 
as  sinful-self?  and  rest  on  Christ  alone  for  the  salvation?  Is^ 
He  thy  only  hope,  refuge,  and  plea,  in  life  and  in  death  ?  If 
so,  fear  not ;  but  pray,  and  believe,  that  the  same  grace  which 
was  afforded  the  late  dying  saint,  will,  in  the  miCasure  that  is 
seen  fit,  be  also  afforded  thee.  In  the  mean  time,  till  this  hap- 
py hour  arrive,  watch  and  pray.  This  excellent  faith  must  be 
sought  for,  and  fought  for  too ;  none  ever  '  yawned  it  into  be- 
ing with  a  wish;  nor  when  in  being,  kept  it  alive,  without  a 
close  walk  with  God." 

The  year  1808,  opens  with  Mrs.  Hawkes's  remarks  upon 
that  affecting  event  which  closed  Mr.  Cecil's  public  ministry, 
and  which  had  been  preceded  by  visible  marks  of  his  declining 
health  and  strength. 

March  2,  1808. — "  This  melancholy  day  confirms  the  fears 
and  sorrowful  apprehensions  which  have,  for  months  past,  per- 
vaded my  mind.  I,  and  many  others,  have  marked,  with  an- 
guish of  heart  not  to  be  expressed,  my  honoured  minister's 
rapid  approach  to  the  sad  crisis  at  which  he  is  now  arrived  ; 


CHAP.  V FROM  A.  D.  1802  TO  1  SI  1.         211 

probably  never  again  to  reascend  that  eminence  on  which  he 
has  so  long  stood  !  Yesterday  evening,  he  felt  a  paralytic  af- 
fection of  his  right-hand  ;  and  after  going  to  bed,  the  use  of 
his  whole  right-side  was  taken  away,  and  his  speech  rendered 
very  inarticulate. 

"  I  have  long  expected  this  solemn  event,  and  have  endea- 
voured to  prepare  my  mind  to  meet  it.  But  on  the  sight  of 
my  dear  minister  this  day,  1  found  how  little  my  feelings  could 
be  prepared  to  meet  so  afflictive  a  circumstance.  Language 
can  never  describe  my  sensations  on  seeing  that  grand  temple, 
which  I  had  known  in  all  its  glory,  so  defaced,  so  injured  ! 
Oh,  what  is  man  in  his  very  best  estate  !  Alas,  for  his  widowed 
church  !  Alas,  for  his  bereaved  family  !  Alas,  for  my  own 
irreparable  loss  !  '  My  father,  my  father !'  Weeping  is  nov/ 
my  meat  and  drink  !" 

Mrs.  Hawkes's  feelings  upon  this  mournful  occasion,  may 
be  so  easily  conceived,  that  it  is  not  needful  further  to  enlarge 
upon  them.  At  the  time  this  dispensation  took  place,  her 
mind  was  well  exercised  in  the  graces  of  submission  and  resig- 
nation. But  still  it  might  be  needful  that  her  views  of  "  ceasing 
from  man,"  should  be  more  deeply  impressed.  Such  was  in- 
deed the  effect  produced.  She  was  repeatedly  reminded  by 
her  own  sufferings  that  "time  was  short,"  and  that  she  was  to 
"  weep  as  though  she  wept  not."  It  will  be  seen  by  what  fol- 
lows, how  soon  after  writing  the  above,  she  was  herself  again 
brought  to  the  confines  of  the  eternal  world. 

July,  1808. — "  Truly  I  may,  in  a  certain  sense,  say,  I  have 
been  in  '  deaths  oft.'  And  yet  death,  though  permitted  to  ad- 
vance, is  again  ordered  to  recede.  I  have  been  taken  down  to 
the  edge  of  the  grave,  and  endeavoured  to  contemplate  an  im- 
mediate entrance.  But  neither  is  this  sickness  unto  death.  It 
is  to  awaken  my  drowsy  powers ;  it  is  to  arouse  me  from  the 
supinencss,  and  stupidity,  I  had  insensibly  fallen  into.  And  I 
heartily  thank  my  gracious  Saviour,  for  thus  dealing  with  me. 
I  thank  Him  for  this  fresh  visitation  of  pain  and  danger;  and 
that  He  has  by  his  all-sufficient  grace  made  my  sufferings  very 
profitable.  Whenever  I  again  fall  into  the  same  state  of  insen- 
sibility, may  He  again  take  that  method  that  pleases  Him  best, 
to  rouse  me  from  my  lethargy.  My  heart,  like  an  old  picture, 
had  become  dim  and  defaced,  obscured,  soiled, — and  its  traces 
faded.  It  wanted  to  be  re-touched  by  the  master's  hand  ;  and 
I  trust  this  is  in  some  measure  effected,  though  not  in  the  de- 
gree which  I  desire  it  should  be." 


212  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

The  increased  debility  which  this  severe  attack  of  illness  oc- 
casioned, is  feelingly  described  by  Mrs.  Hawkes,  in  a  letter  to 
Mrs.  Jones,  to  whom  she  writes : — 

"  What  an  infinite  and  stupendous  mercy  is  a  throne  of 
grace,  when,  by  the  Spirit's  assistance,  we  can  approach  it  in 
simplicity  and  faith  !  Without  this,  such  an  existence  as  mine 
would  be  an  insupportable  burden.  My  life,  like  that  of  many 
other  poor  sufferers,  is  entirely  a  hidden  one.  I  appear,  as 
people  tell  me,  comparatively  well  ;  while  all  the  time  I  am 
sensible  of  such  pain  and  weakness  as  drinks  up  my  spirits, 
and  dries  up  the  marrow  and  strength  of  my  frame.  This  is 
always  the  case,  at  the  best  of  times ;  and  thankful  I  am,  at 
the  close  of  each  day,  that  one  more  day  is  past.  When  I 
rise  up  in  the  morning,  I  say  with  a  sigh,  '  Now  for  another 
heavy  day,  which  will  probably  pass,  like  the  last,  in  labour- 
ing to  do  something,  but  end  in  doing  nothing,'  Such  a  linger- 
ing death  calls  for  faith  and  patience ;  and  I  trust  that  though 
I  groan,  I  do  not  murmur;  if  1  did,  my  mercilul  supports  and 
mitigations  would  rise  up  against  me,  and  fill  me  wdlh  shame. 
Whether  my  dispensation  be  for  discipline,  or  for  correction, 
(and  I  believe  it  is  for  both)  I  have  not  a  word  of  complaint 
to  utter;  for  He  visits  me  less  than  my  deserts,  and  multiplies 
loving-kindness  above  my  expectation.  '  He  is  able  to  do  ex- 
ceedingly abundantly  above  all  that  we  can  ask  or  think  : '  and 
often  surprises  the  soul  with  some  gracious  manifestation  which 
infuses  into  it  fresh  vigour.  Blessed'  be  his  name.  He  does 
strengthen  the  inward  man,  while  the  outward  decays  daily, 
though  indeed  so  slowly,  that  none  is  sensible  of  it  but  myself. 
There  is  comfort  in  seeing  life  spared  when  it  can  be  used  to 
some  purpose;  but  as  to  mine,  I  see  no  use  that  it  is  of:  but 
I  check  the  thought ;  for  it  is  of  use  to  myself^  to  make  me 
more  meet  for  heaven  ;  and  since  it  is  the  Divine  will,  that  is 
enough,  without  any  other  reason  whatever ;  for  the  will  of 
God  is  the  result  of  all  his  other  Divine  attributes, — wisdom, 
power,  and  love.  Grant,  therefore,  O  Lord,  that  there  never 
may  arise  in  my  mind  a  wish  that  any  thing  should  be  altered  ; 
but  only  that  I  should  be  made  conformable  unto  thy  will  in 
every  jot  and  tittle. 

"  It  was  well  said  by  one,  '  If  God  condescended  to  ask  me 
what  I  should  choose,  I  would  refer  the  matter  back  again  to 
Him  to  choose  for  me.'  I  long  for  self-annihilation,  so  that 
not  even  a  thought  should  arise,  '  if  I  had  but  this,  or  if  1  had  bi;t 
that.'     All  I  really  want  is  more  grace,  more  exercise  of  faith. 


CHAP,  v.— FROM  A.  D.  1802,  TO  1811.        213 

Yet  a  very  little  while,  and  it  shall  be  said,  'Come  ye  blessed, 
inherit  the  kingdom  I  have  prepared  for  you.'  Till  that  happy 
time  arrive,  I  would  live  in  the  exercise  of  repentance,  as  upon 
my  daily  bread  ;  for  this  flows  from  faith,  and  makes  Christ 
precious.     Pray  for  me,  that  I  may  have  more  of  this." 

One  more  private  extract  shall  close  this  year. 

1808. — *' I  have  been  shocked  and  grieved  for  some  time 
past  at  the  ill-behaviour  of  a  favourite  servant.  My  thoughts, 
this  morning,  were  involuntarily  enumerating  the  kind  acts  I 
had  done  to  her;  and  the  ungrateful  returns  she  had  made, 
were  beginning  to  raise  a  ferment  in  my  mind,  lill  an  inward 
hint  was  given  me, — 'All  this  is  only  a  faint  picture  of  what 
you  are  towards  your  heavenly  Master;  nay,  what  is  far 
worse,  towards  your  heavenly  Father.  Take  all  her  defects, 
and  ingratitude,  and  make  the  parallel,  and  learn  how  infinitely 
are  your  sins  greater  than  hers.'  O  Lord,  I  acknowledge  the 
charge ;  I  cease  to  be  angry  ;  I  lay  my  mouth  in  the  dust. 

"  How  would  a  habit  of  brinsjino;  the  faults  of  others,  as  a 
glass  in  which  to  see  my  own,  cure  me  of  censuring,  and  of 
high-mindedness.  Instead  of  doing  this,  the  reverse  is  too 
often  the  case.  The  laults  of  others  are  dwelt  upon;  magni- 
fied ;  while  my  own,  through  self-love,  are  excused,  palliated, 
passed  lightly  over.     May  I  henceforth  learn  a  better  lesson. 

'And  if  he  trespass  against  thee  seven  times  in  a  day,  and 
seven  times  in  a  day  turn  again  to  thee,  saying,  1  repent,  thou 
shalt  forgive  him.'  Luke  xvii.  4. 

"  If  a  brother,  i.  e.  any  human  being,  is  commanded  to  ex- 
tend, beyond  all  limits,  forgiveness  to  a  brother, — what  may  I 
not  infer  as  to  the  extension  of  the  Divine  forgiveness.  Why 
then  does  every  fresh  failure,  repeated  oftcner,  alas  I  than  seven 
limes  in  a  day,  produce  a  timid  backwardness  to  go  to  my 
Saviour,  and  say  in  deep  humiliation,  '  I  repent;'  and  why  do 
I  not  simply  believe  that  He  will  forgive  me  in  a  way  no  bro- 
ther could  forgive  a  brother? 

Quere. — "  Does  my  heart,  in  the  sight  of  God,  honestly 
bear  testimony,  that  after  every  sinful  deviation  and  failure,  I 
do  truly  repent,  and  am  heartily  sorry  for  such  misdoings ;  or, 
do  I  only  experience  a  partial  regret? 

Secondly. — "  Does  every  fresh  application  to  Christ  for  par- 
don, render  sin  more  hateful,  increase  real  contrition,  self-ab- 
horrence, and  indignation?  Does  it  excite  a  holy  jealousy,  and 
produce  a  reverential  fear  of  oflending  ;  or  does  the  freeness 
of  pardon  and  grace,  incline  to  carelessness  or  negligence? 


214  JIEiAIOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

"  If  I  loved  a  friend  as  my  own  soul,  would  I  for  all  the 
world  grieve  or  offend  him?  and  if  1  do  offend,  is  there  any 
sorrow^  so  poignant?  and  in  proportion  as  my  friend  is  ready  to 
forgive  me,  am  1  not  unable  to  forgive  myself  ? — Have  I  such 
feelinn-s  as  these  with  respect  to  my  Saviour?  If  1  dare  an- 
swer in  the  affirmative,  then  I  need  not  fear  to  go  seven  times 
in  a  day,  and  say,  '  I  repent ;'  nor  fear  the  freeness  and  ful- 
ness of  pardoning  mercy,  and  strengthening,  renewing,  grace. 
*  Lord,  increase  my  faith.' " 

In  the  early  part  of  the  year  1809,  Mrs.  Havvkes  was  much 
occupied  in  attending  the  dying-bed  of  Mr.  Cecil's  second  son, 
Israel,  during  the  absence  of  his  parents,  who  were  at  Bath. 
In  the  month  of  March  she  writes  to  a  friend, — 

'«  Poor  Israel  Cecil  has  been  hovering  between  life  and  death 
for  six  weeks  !  the  physicians  declare  they  have  never  met  with 
such  a  case  as  this  in  all  their  practice ;  such  a  lingering  be- 
tween life  and  death  !  You  will  easily  conceive  that  my  task 
to  communicate  every  passing  day's  event  to  his  distressed  mo- 
ther, must  have  been  a  painfull  one.  The  going  daily,  to  and 
fro,  in  a  coach  to  see  him,  has  been  as  much  as  I  could  endure  ; 
yet  his  mother  was  anxious  that  I  should  be  with  him ;  and 
equally  so  is  the  kind  friend  at  whose  house  he  is,  who  seems 
to  feel  me  a  sort  of  substitute  for  his  poor  mother.  His  dear 
and  honoured  parents  are  expected  in  town  to-morrow,  and  I 
am  under  fresh  anxiety  of  mind  on  hearing  that  Mr.  C.  is  so 
poorly  and  feeble,  that  he  is  scarcely  able  to  undergo  the  jour- 
ney ;  and  after  the  fatigue,  to  meet  such  a  scene  as  their  son's 
present  state  will  present,  is  truly  to  be  dreaded  !  So  you  see, 
my  dear  friend,  that  woe  is  mixed  in  every  cup  :  happy  is  it 
that  mercy  also  is  mixed  with  it.  And  since  usefulness  so  ex- 
tensive, labours  so  abundant,  and  piety  so  exalted,  must  still 
share  in  the  lot  of  suffering  common  to  the  human  race, — let 
each  of  us  take  our  share  with  patience  and  submission." 

This  labour  of  love  was  not  long  needed ;  as  the  early  suf- 
ferer, who  had  just  attained  his  twenty-first  year,  was  shortly 
after  admitted  to  that  city,  where  "  the  inhabitant  shall  not  say, 
I  am  sick." 

The  state  of  her  afHicted  minister  now  wholly  occupied  Mrs. 
Hawkes's  mind.     It  has  been  seen  how  she  had  learned  to  im- 
prove her  own  sufferings  for  increasing  the  graces  of  submis- 
sion and  resignation.     The  present  dispensation  opened  a  field 
for  new  and  varied  exercises.     And  here  we  mav  observe  the 


CHAP.  V. FROM  A.  D.  1802  TO  1811.        215 

importance  of  St.  Paul's  exhortation  to  ihe  Ephesians,  "  I  de- 
sire that  ye  faint  not  at  my  tribulation  for  you,  which  is  your 
glory."  See  also  1  Thess.  iii.  3.  The  continued  illness  of  Mr. 
Cecil,  who  was  now  totally  laid  aside  by  a  paralytic  aflection, 
and  labouring  under  that  mental  depression  which  so  commonly 
attends  this  disorder,  weighed  on  her  spirits  more  heavily  than 
she  could  w^ell  sustain  ;  as  will  appear  by  her  own  notes  on 
this  subject : — 

1809. — "  I  had  almost  said,  my  trouble  and  sorrow  is  greater 
than  1  can  bear  !  And  so  I  may  say,  unless  I  am  mercifully 
upheld  by  an  Almighty  arm  of  grace  and  power.  Great  as 
my  own  personal  troubles  have  been,  they  seem  nothing  to 
the  agony  my  heart  feels  for  my  honoured  minister  and  father 
in  the  Gospel,  under  his  present  dark  dispensation.  As  to  his 
bodily  afHictions,  many  have  been  visited  with  the  same  ;  but 
oh,  if  his  mind  might  have  been  spared — if  the  dark  cloud 
might  but  be  dispersed?  for  this  I  will  pray  day  and  night. 
Not  that  I  am  stumbled,  though  I  am  distressed.  For  '  shall 
not  the  judge  of  all  the  earth  do  right  ]'  And  has  he  not  a  right 
to  deal  with  his  creatures  as  he  pleaselh?  His  wisdom  cannot 
err;  Ilis  love  and  mercy  cannot  fail  :  silence  and  submission 
belong  to  us, — and  prayer  and  hope  shall  be  our  resource." 

Mrs.  Jones  expresses  herself  on  this  subject  in  language  very 
similar  to  the  above.     In  a  letter  to  Mrs.  Havvkes  she  says, — 

"  I  must  confess,  this  world  never  appeared  to  me  such  a 
waste,  howling  wilderness, — such  a  vale  of  tears, — as  since  I 
have  entered  into  the  sorrows  of  that  man  of  God!  What  shall 
we  say  to  these  things  1  but  that  they  are  too  deep  for  us ;  we 
cannot  know  them  ;  we  must  be  dumb  because  of  our  igno- 
rance.    Herbert  says, — 

'  God  nothing  does,  nor  suffers  to  be  done, 

But  what  thou  wouldst  thyself,  couldst  thou  but  see, 

Through  all  events  of  things,  as  well  as  He.' 

"  But  who  can  realize  this  in  the  days  of  darkness  ?  or  in 
other  words,  who  can  believe  that  God's  dispensations  are  dis- 
pensations of  love  to  his  children  !  At  least  I  have  gained 
this  painful  knowledge,  that  my  faiih  is  small, — very  small  in- 
deed." 

The  struggle  in  Mrs.  Hawkcs's  mind  at  this  time,  between 
believing  and  fainting,  may  be  gathered  from  a  letter  sent  June, 
1809,  to  Miss  C.  Cecil,  in  which  she  writes; — 

"  I  am  sometimes  ready  utterly  to  faint  under  this  painful 


216  ME3I0IRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

dispensation  :  and  to  fear  that  the  weight  of  it  upon  my  mind, 
in  my  present  very  nervous  and  feeble  state,  will  reduce  me  to 
a  condition  nearly  as  bad.  And  this  would  certainly  be  the 
case,  did  not  a  voice  seem  to  say,  '  hope  against  hope  ;'  wait  ; 
'Enter  into  thy  chamber,  and  shut  thy  doors  about  thee; — 
this  is  the  time  not  for  despair  but  humiliation,  and  for  wrest- 
hng,  like  Jacob  in  prayer.  Yes,  my  love,  there  is  a  hand  tliat 
has  hold  upon  your  dear  father,  even  an  Almighty  hand  :  nor 
can  sin,  or  Satan,  or  death,  or  hell,  force  him  out  of  that  hand  ; 
for  it  is  said,  'None  shall  pluck  ihem  out  of  my  hand.'  This 
Divine  hand  took  hold  of  a  ruined  sinking  world,  just  when 
the  hellish  powers  began  to  triumph  over  their  too  successful 
plot  for  the  destruction  of  our  whole  race:  but  their  defeat  was 
glorious.  Your- dear  father  cannot  just  now  see  this  hand,  any 
more  than  we  can  see  to  sun  through  a  dark  cloud  j  but,  as  he 
has  himself  often  remarked, — 'How  should  we  mistake,  if  we 
said  the  sun  were  not  there,  because  the  cloud  was  before  it.' 
And  even  should  the  sun  never  appear,  (as  it  never  does  to  the 
blind,)  yet  this  makes  no  difference, — it  shines  still. 

"This  dreary  vision  cannot  last  long:  keep  constantly  up- 
permost in  your  mind  that  this  depression  is  the  effect  of  dis- 
ease ;  and  should  you  see  human  weakness  mixed  with  it,  yet 
only  remember  the  years  and  years  that  are  past,  when  he  went 
out  and  came  in  before  you  as  an  angel; — and  when,  year  af- 
ter year,  he  endured  constant  pain  with  a  firmness  and  pa- 
tience, that  astonished  all  who  saw  him.  But  this  very  pain, 
together  with  a  variety  of  other  things,  has  brought  the  poor 
machine  to  what  it  is.  And  now  the  force  is  upon  the  mind  : 
but  it  will  be  well  in  the  end,  whatever  may  take  place  by  the 
way. 

"  But  why  do  1  write  these  things  to  you,  since  you  know 
them?  However,  there  is  one  thing  1  would  recommend  to 
yoUj  and  it  is  what  I  daily  aimed  at  myself,  namely,  to  improve 
this  dispensation  for  the  good  of  your  own  soul.  Ah,  my  dear, 
this  is  a  serious,  a  solemn  work  ;  and  must  be  persevered  in. 
Yet  abundant  help  is  promised  ;  you  are  not  to  set  about  these 
things  in  your  own  strength; — if  you  were,  you  might  indeed 
say,  *  Who  is  sufficient  for  these  things  V  '  Help  is  laid  upon 
one  that  is  mighty  ;' — But  what  was  it  laid  there  for  I  Even 
for  such  poor  sinners  as  you  and  I,  whom  a  corrupt  nature, 
and  a  cruel  adversary,  would  otherwise  totally  overcome.  He 
will  not  give  any  who  cry  to  him  for  help,  into  the  hands  of 
his  and  their  insulting  foes :  for  it  is  said,  '  He  ever  livcth  to 
intercede  for  us.' 


CHAP.  V. FROM  A.  D.  1802  TO  1811.         217 

"  You  cannot  have  a  just  conception  how  much  I  am  with 
you  in  spirit,  nor  how  desirous  I  am  to  hear  every  particular 
about  the  dear  sufferer,  upon  whom  my  anxious  thoughts  are 
unceasingly  occupied." 

To  think  it  strange  concerning  the  fiery  trial  which  is  to  try 
either  ourselves  or  others,  is  the  propensity  of  human  weak- 
ness  and  unbelief.  How  many  assurances  have  we  that 
*'  whom  the  Lord  loveth  he  chasteneth ;" — that  the  trial  of 
faith  is  precious,  as  well  as  the  grace  itself, — and  that,  to  trust 
God  in  dark  providences  is  to  honour  him.  There  is  a  blessing 
pronounced  on  not  seeing,  and  yet  believing.  Perhaps  much 
that  appears  mysterious  in  God's  dealings  with  his  creatures, 
might  be  more  easily  comprehended  by  a  clearer  perception  of 
that  truth,  "All  flesh  is  grass,  and  all  the  goodliness  thereof  is 
as  the  flower  of  the  field,  the  grass  withereth,the  flower  fadeth;" 
(Isa.  xl.  6.)  and  this  withering  teaches  us,  with  more  entire 
acquiescence,  to  seek  repose  in  that  divine  *'  dwelling-place," 
which  has  been  the  refuge  of  the  saints  "  in  all  generations." 
The  best  estate  of  man  upon  earth  is  described  by  the  Psalmist 
"  as  a  shadow  that  declinelh  ;"  but  he  adds,  '•  Thou,  O  Lord, 
shalt  endure  for  ever;  and  thy  remembrance  to  all  genera- 
tions," Ps.  cii.  11,  12.  Our  tender  Father  frequently  prepares 
us  for  the  loss  of  creature  comforts,  by  some  intervening  cir- 
cumstance, which  shews  us  their  weakness  and  their  vanity ; 
and  thus  He  gradually  weans  us  from  earthly  attachments, 
and  loosens  our  grasp  of  every  object,  short  of  himselfi  Such 
appears  to  have  been  Mrs.  Hawkes's  experience,  under  the 
solemn  event  which  took  place  in  the  year  1810  ;  when,  by  a 
fit  of  apoplexy,  the  disorder  under  which  Mr.  Cecil  had  been 
languishing  for  two  years,  terminated  in  his  death. 

August  15,  1810. — "  A  day  ever  to  be  remembered  !  when 
the  imprisoned  spirit  of  my  honoured  minister,  and  father  in 
the  gospel,  was  released  from  its  painful  and  humilitating  cap- 
tivity, and  winged  its  way  to  the  land  of  liberty  and  rest  !  In 
past  time,  there  was  scarcely  any  event  at  which  I  could  so 
little  bear  to  look,  as  his  death.  But  such  an  inroad,  and  havoc, 
had  disease  made  on  this  extraordinary  man,  that  I  even  longed 
for  his  release  before  it  took  place;  and  when  the  tidings 
reached  me,  a  sad  and  solemn  gladness  overspread  my  mind; 
I  could  only  contemplate  the  amazing  change  from  pain,  weak- 
ness, and  depression,  to  glory  unspeakable  and  never  ending ! 

'*  A  few  more  suifering  days  for  myself,  and  then,  1  trust, 
19 


218  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

his  own  words  written  to  me  in  a  letter  will  be  verified  :  •  to- 
morrow morning,  you  and  1  shall  walk  in  a  garden  where  I 
shall  hope  to  speak  to  you  about  every  thing  but  sadness.'^ 

"  He  is  gone  !  and  take  his  character  in  the  whole  combina- 
tion of  it,  and  in  its  circumference,  he  surely  has  not  left  his 
like.  He  is  gone  !  unknown,  but  to  those  who  lived  with  him 
in  the  same  house.  I  had  that  privilege  for  many  years.  I 
have  had  the  favour  to  attend  him  in  his  sick  chamber, — in 
his  family  retirements, — and  in  his  most  confidential  habits ; 
— in  those  unbended  easy  moments,  when  some,  even  great 
ones,  have  appeared  little,  and  common  : — but  when  he  ap- 
peared most  superior. 

"  It  has  been  said,  he  was  austere ;  and  before  I  knew  him 
intimately,  I  thought  so  too  :  but  it  was  only  because  he  was 
not  known.  He  was  sometimes  austere  in  like  manner  as 
truth  is  austere, — for  he  was  a  lover  of  truth.  If  there  was 
any  one  virtue  he  prized  more  than  another,  it  was  integrity, 
— a  high  and  honourable  principle;  and  he  would  mark  the 
smallest  deviation  from  it,  in  a  moment.  Severity  might  some- 
times  sit  on  his  brow — dart  from  his  eye — and  be  perceived  in 
his  decided  manner  of  speech  :  but  it  never  for  a  moment 
lodged  in  his  heart, — which  was  too  nohle,  too  benevolent,  too 
affe!ctionate,  to  be  the  seat  of  any  thing  so  unlovely  as  severity. 
And  whenever  he  bore  the  aspect,  it  arose  from  the  prevailing 
abstraction  of  his  mind,  which  was  always  intensely  pursuing 
rigid  subjects  ;  and  from  his  most  uncommon  energy  and  de- 
cision of  character.  But  his  friendly  and  benevolent  sympa- 
thies  were  awakened  in  the  moment  they  were  called  for.  His 
heart,  and  his  ear,  were  open  to  the  cry  of  every  sufl^erer, 
whether  high,  or  low.  He  was,  like  his  Divine  master,  pecu- 
liarly the  friend  of  the  friendless, — the  comforter  of  the  afflicted, 
— the  gentle  instructor  of  the  ignorant.  The  rich  he  never 
sought ;  the  poor  he  never  neglected  or  shunned.  But  words 
would  fail  me;  his  worth  can  never  be  known.     No  matter  ; 

he  had,  and  so  should  I  have,  higher  views  than  the  honour 

which  cometh  from  man, — even  the  honour  which  cometh 
from  God.  INJay  every  one  of  his  children,  and  myself,  (who 
was  unto  him  as  a  daughter,)  be  careful  to  transplant  his  vir- 
tues and  graces  into  our  hearts  and  lives.  We  shall  go  to  him, 
but  he  shall  not  return  to  us  !" 

In  the  following  month  of  September,  Mrs.  Hawkes  went  to 


See  page  127. 


CHAP.  V FROM    A.   D.    1802  TO   1811.  219 

stay  a  fev/  weeks  with  Mrs.  Cecil,  at  Bellevue-House,  Hamp- 
stead.  It  was  in  this  spot,  that  Mr.  Cecil  was  residing  when 
seized  with  that  fit  of  apoplexy,  by  means  of  which,  his  mortal 
garments  were  quickly  changed  for  those  of  immortality.  Dur- 
ing her  stay  in  this  house  of  mourning,  where  many  circum- 
stances conspired  to  draw  forth  her  tenderest  feelings,  she 
wrote  the  following  memorandum,  of  which  the  former  part 
is  in  obscure  short  hand:  — 

Belle-viie^Hampstrnd,  Sept.  1810. — "  My  father,  my  father, 
the  chariot  of  Israel,  and  the  horsemen  thereof !  "     *         * 
a  voice.         *  *  he  is  gone  !  But  to  me  also  a  voice. 

1  would  follow  him  as  my  example,  and  devote  every  future 
moment  to  the  great  work  of  preparation  for  a  dying  hour. 
Death  came  here,  and  seized  the  captive  in  an  instant :  so  may 
I  expect  him  to  come  to  me.  *  Be  ye  also  ready.'  My  valued 
and  honoured  father  had  but  one  inquiry, — '  what  is  most 
needful  for  a  dying  man  V  Every  thing  else  was,  by  him, 
deemed  impertinent.  If  he  was  requested  to  lay  aside  his  books, 
and  rest  his  poring  eye,  and  relax  his  weary  mind,  his  reply 
was,  '  Why  talk  of  relaxation  to  a  dying  creature  V  If  it  were 
not  from  stupidity,  forgetfulncss,  and  infatuation,  every  human 
being  would  feel  the  same.  It  is  only  because  death  and  eterni- 
ty are  not  realized,  as  near,  (though  for  aught  we  know,  death 
is  this  moment  coming  over  the  threshold,)  that  we  can  turn 
aside  to  amusement,  or  any  trifling  pursuit  whatever  ;  for  how 
does  it  all  appear  to  us,  when  entering  the  valley  and  shadow 
of  death  !  '  Verily  altogether  vanity.' 

"  I  am  now  ready  to  say,  I  shall  never  any  more  look  to 
any  creature  for  consolation.  Painful  experience  has  taught 
me  the  vanity  of  every  earthly  prop;  and  henceforth  my  ex- 
pectation is  only  from  my  Saviour.  To  this  my  heart  fully 
consents  in  its  best  moments  ;  I  am  well  assured  that  this  is 
the  only  way  of  peace,  and  comfort;  and  that  many  of  my 
sorrows  have  arisen  from  leaning  on  an  arm  of  flesh.  As  far 
as  I  know,  I  say  sincerely,  I  no  longer  desire  any  human  arm 
to  rest  upon.  And  yet  1  often  delect  a  depression  of  spirits, 
when  I  reflect.  Such  and  such  a  friend,  who  used  kindly  to 
visit  me,  and  seem  interested  for  me,  is  withdrawn;  and  I  am 
left  solitary,  and  desolate.  How  inconsistent  is  this  !  How 
deceitful  is  the  heart!  How  far  from  being  really,  and  indeed 
weaned  from  every  creature,  even  when  we  fancy  it  is  so." 

To  be  sorrowful  is  the  birthriirht  of  man;  but  to  be  able  to 


220  ME3I0IRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

rejoice  amidst  suffering,  is  a  privilege  peculiar  to  the  believer; 
and  the  ground  of  this  joy,  is  Christian  hope;  "Rejoicing  in 
hope,"  Rom.  xii.  12.  Though  this  is  not  the  climate  for  fair 
and  promising  hopes,  but  rather  for  blighting,  chilling,  and 
withering  fears ; — yet,  that  hope  may  not  be  supposed  to  have 
taken  its  flight  from  this  unfriendly  region,  there  are  certain 
circumstances,  under  which  it  not  only  flourishes,  but  defies 
the  inroads  of  time,  the  decay  of  age,  and  all  other  attacks 
which  threaten  its  destruction.  In  deep  affliction,  and  in  the 
near  prospect  of  death,  the  Christian's  hope,  like  the  flower 
which  blooms  at  midnight,  appears  in  all  its  beauty  and  vitality, 
and  casts  its  fragrance  around  the  dying  pillow.  ^Vhen  the 
things  of  time  are  vanishing,  and  passing  away  like  shadows, 
and  the  ocean  of  eternity  presents  itself,  this  hope  is  realised  as 
siihstantial ;  it  is  then  especially  found  "an  anchor  of  the 
soul,  both  sure  and  steadfast,"  or,  as  Dr.  Owen  says,  "  the 
substance  of  it  is  firm,  the  proportion  of  it  is  suited  to  the  bur- 
den of  the  ship  ;  it  is  no  fair,  promising,  and  yet  deceitful 
engine.  It  is  also,  as  to  its  use,  stedfast  and  firm  ;  which  no 
violence  of  winds,  or  storms,  can  either  break,  or  move  from 
its  hold.  Such  is  genuine  hope  to  the  soul ;  it  is  sure,  not  a 
deceiving  imagination;  it  '  maketh  not  ashamed'  by  any 
failure  or  disappointment.  Groundless  presumptions  are  the 
deceitful  engines  whereby  the  souls  of  multitudes  are  ruined 
every  day;  of  no  more  use  than  if  the  mariners  should  cast 
out  a  log,  or  a  burden  of  straw,  to  stay  their  vessel  in  a  storm. 
But  hope  built  on  faith,  is  infallible:  it  is  firm,  invincible 
against  all  opposition;  not  indeed  from  itself,  but  from  the 
ground  which  it  fixeth  upon — Christ  in  the  promise." 

This  Christian  hope  sustained  the  mind  of  Mrs.  Hawkes 
under  every  storm.  "  It  entered  within  the  veil,"  or  through 
the  heavens,  and  fixed  on  the  person  of  Christ,  as  the  cove- 
nant-head of  all  blessings  for  lime  and  eternity.  With  the 
eye  of  faith,  looking  at  things  not  seen,  she  beheld  her  de- 
parted minister  amidst  "  the  general  assembly  and  church  of 
the  first-born."  She  felt  that,  to  her,  one  more  earthly  tie 
was  loosened,  and  that  now  she  had  only  to  plume  the  wings 
of  her  soul,  and  prepare  to  soar  away,  and  take  her  part  in 
the  general  song  of  praise. 

Writing,  about  this  time,  to  a  very  dear  friend,  and  sister  in 
affliction,  J\Irs.  C tt,  she  says  : — 

"Often,  when  in  pensive  mood,  and  the  sun  is,  for  a  time, 
hidden    behind    some  interveninii    cloud  which   unbelief  has 


CHAP.  VI.— FROM  A.  D.  1811  tO  1812.        221 

raised,  and  I  am  just  going  to  hang  my  harp  on  the  willows, 
I  with  shame  take  it  back  again,  and  begin  some  song  of 
praise;  and  that  sets  all  to  rights.  The  Scriptures,  and 
especially  the  Psalms,  not  only  abound  with  praises  to  our 
God,  but  assure  us  also,  that  he  is  pleased  with  our  praises  ; 
I  think,  scarcely  any  Christian  seems  to  cultivate  this  temper 
of  mind,  this  holy  habit,  sufficiently  ;  for  it  should  not  be  an 
accidental,  but  an  habitual  frame  of  heart :  not  merely  flowing 
from  the  sense  of  his  mercies  to  ourselves,  but  from  the  con- 
templation of  the  glorious  perfections  and  attributes  of  the 
Triune  Jehovah,  as  he  is  in  himself,  and  in  relation  to  us,  as 
poor  fallen  creatures.  What  a  theme  does  this  open  !  Eternity 
alone  can  make  us  know  and  estimate  it  !  Oh,  for  faith  to 
look,— not  at  the  things  that  are  seen,  which  are  temporal, 
tempestuous,  contradictory,  confused,  and  often  heart-sicken- 
ing,— but  at  those  that  arc  not  seen,  which  are  eternal,  un- 
changing, certain,  peaceful,  and  heart-cheering  !  Not  such  a 
faith  as  generalizes,  but  realizes  ;  and  which  makes  the  things 
of  sense  retreat,  and  actually  give  place  to  the  things  of  faith, 
with  as  much  certainty,  as  if  they  were  present  and  in  pos- 
session. This,  my  honoured  friend,  is  our  high  privilege,  and, 
I  trust,  our  constant  desire  and  aim,  however  we  may  fail  in 
the  attainment.  And  as  to  our  failings,  we  will  mourn  over 
them,  and  fight  against  them;  but  give  no  place  to  despon- 
dency, even  for  a  moment,  while  Christ  our  Saviour  ever 
liveih  to  intercede  for  us,  at  the  right  hand  of  the  Majesty  on 
high." 


CHAPTER  VI. 
HER  TEMPORARY  ABODE  AT  BETCHWORTH. 

FROM    A.   D. 1811   TO   1812. 

Accepts  Dr.  Fearon's  offer  of  a  vacant  parsonage  house— Her  gratitu.le 

on  the  occasion — Her  sense  of  solitude — Letters  to  Mrs.   C tt — 

She  meets  with  an  accident— Is  obliged  to  return  to  London. 

Nine  years  had  now  elapsed,  since  Mrs.  Llawkcs  went  to  re- 
side with  her  niece,  in  Constitution  Row.     Her  next  remove 
was  occasioned,  not  by   any  remarkable  change  in  health  or 
19^ 


222  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

circumstances,  but  she  was  attracted  by  a  very  friendly  and 
promising  offer,  of  a  vacant  parsonage-house,  at  Bctch worth, 
near  Dorking,  in  Surrey  ;  belonging  to  her  much  valued  friend, 
the  Rev.  Dr.  Fearon.  As  this  opening  occurred  early  in  the 
summer,  when  the  country,  especially  in  that  part,  is  most  in- 
vitino-;  and  as  her  health  and  nerves  much  needed  the  benefit 
arising  from  change  of  air,  she  thankfully  acceded  to  the  pro- 
posal, which  seemed  like  a  providential  leading.  It  did  not 
however,  in  the  result,  appear  to  be  a  spot  in  which  Mrs, 
Hawkes  was  appointed  to  make  any  long  stay;  her  health 
compelling  her  within  a  few  months  to  return  to  London. 
A  memorandum,  written  soon  after  her  removal  to  Betch- 
worth,  exhibits  that  generous  sensibility,  with  which  she  ever 
met  the  kindness  of  friends  : — 

Betchicorth,  1811. — "Let  me  never  cease  to  be  grateful 
for,  and  deeply  penetrated  with,  the  great  goodness  of  the 
Lord,  in  bestowing  on  me,  most  unworthy,  the  favour  and 
friendship  of  his  honoured  and  faithful  minister.  Dr.  Fearon. 
He  has  indeed  put  himself  in  the  place  of  my  dear  departed 
father  in  the  gospel,  Mr.  Cecil;  whose  care  for  me  I  never 
expected  to  be  again  felt  and  exercised  by  any  other.  Yet 
here  I  am,  dwelling  in  a  house  lent  me  by  the  generous, 
kind,  Doctor;  both  he  and  his  wife  are  daily  shewing  me 
kindness,  and  laying  me  under  very  weighty  obligations. — 
May  the  Lord  be  pleased  to  reward  them  a  hundred-fold  :  and 
may  he  give  his  blessing  to  our  intercourse,  and  make  my  so- 
journing here  salutary  to  my  body  and  soul !  In  my  revered 
friend,  I  have  both  an  able  physician,  and  a  faithful  and  ex- 
perienced minister. 

"  I  would  above  all  things  desire,  that  my  heart  should  be 
affected  towards  my  Saviour,  as  it  is  towards  a  friend  dearly 
beloved,  i.  e.  ever  to  be  anxious  for  His  sacred  presence  with 
me. 

"  If  I  love  a  friend,  I  am  not  satisfied  with  an  interview  now 
and  then,  or  an  occasional  short  conversation.  But  in  propor- 
tion as  his  company  and  converse  delights  me,  I  long  for 
it,  I  seek  it,  I  am  not  contented  without  it;  I  am  in  haste 
to  dispatch  any  business  that  detains  me,  and  feel  the  time  irk- 
some which  deprives  me  of  intercourse.  If  he  depart,  I  feel 
desolate,  listen  for  his  return,  and  meet  him  with  high  expec- 
tation of  advantage  and  instruction ;  for  the  glow  of  friend- 
ship animates  and  elevates. 

"  Ah  !  faithless,  ungrateful  heart!  dost  thou  feel  this  towards 


ClIAr.  VI. FROM  A.  D.  1811  TO  1812.  223 

thy  Saviour,  to  whom  all  other  friends  arc  as  tlie  glowworm  to 
the  sun?  Thou  art,  perhaps,  not  happy  unless,  in  time  of 
prayers,  thou  an  permitted  some  freedom  of  approach  to  him: 
but  when  that  is  over,  and  thou  art  constrained  to  turn  to  tem- 
poral pursuits,  dost  thou  anxiously  catch  every  interval,  to 
obtain  a  glimpse?  Dost  thou  seize  every  leisure  moment  to 
retire  into  thy  heart,  and  exchange  a  word  or  look  ?  Dost 
thou  count  every  moment  of  separation  irksome?  Ah!  faith- 
less and  ungrateful  heart!  thou  art  dumb  with  shame." 

Fond  as  Mrs.  Ilawkes  naturally  was  of  retirement,  it  was 
now  less  suited  to  her  than  formerly  ;  since,  from  her  bodily 
sutferings,  she  was  less  capable  of  improving  it.  She  soon 
experienced  a  sensible  depression  of  spirits  on  being  removed 
from  her  circle  of  friends,  especially  during  the  occasional  ab- 
sence of  her  valued  neighbours,  Dr.  and  Mrs.  Fearon.  To 
this  sense  of  solitude,  as  well  as  to  the  means  of  improving  it, 

slie  slightly  refers  in  a  letter  to  her  friend,  Mrs.  C tt,  dated 

Belch  worth,  Aug.  1811,  from  which  the  following  is  an  ex- 
tract : — 

"  To  apply  simply  to  Christ,  upon  every  occasion,  is  the 
only  way  of  obtaining  peace.  This  also  is  the  secret  by  which 
we  maintain  converse  with  God,  in  or  out  of  solitude.  Trials, 
dear  Madam,  of  one  kind  or  other,  are  the  portion  of  God's 
children  ;  they  cannot  do  without  them.  1  have  for  many 
years,  as  you  know,  had  wave  upon  wave  of  sorrow ;  but  I 
must  declare,  I  cannot  call  any  thing  a  real  affliction  but 
that  which  separates  the  soul  from  communion  and  fellow- 
ship with  God.  Let  but  the  light  of  his  countenance  shine 
upon  us,  and  all  things,  how  difficult  soever,  become  com- 
paratively light  and  easy.  He  will  be  found  of  those  who 
cultivate  an  interior  acquaintance  with  him.  He  is  full  of 
compassion  and  love ;  and  as  often  as  we  apply  to  him  by 
faith  and  unfeigned  repentance,  heals  tlie  wounds  to  whicli 
we  are  exposed  by  the  sins,  follies,  and  negligence  of  our  car- 
nal nature.  His  constant  voice  is,  '  1  am  the  Lord  that  hcal- 
eth  thee,'  I  could  fill  a  volume,  if  I  were  to  recount  the  in- 
stances I  have  had  of  the  great  love,  power  and  willingness 
of  our  good  physician;  and  through  his  great  mercy,  1  find 
He  is  '  the  same  yesterday,  to-day,  and  forever.' 

"As  I  have  the  opportunity  of  obtaining  a  frank,  1  vcntun; 
to  indulge  myself  with  writing  a  long  letter,  which  I  trust  you 
will  pardon.  Indeed,  when  I  am  favoured  by  intercourse 
with  a  kindred  mind,  tuned  to  the  liarmonious  theme  of  Di- 


224  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

vine  grace  and  love,  I  know  not  how  to  drop  the  subject;  and 
if  it  gives  such  delight  to  the  heart  Aere,  what,  my  dear  Ma- 
dam, will  be  our  joy  in  heaven,  M^here  we  shall,  after  a  short 
moment,  have,  I  trust  an  abundant  entrance !  Let  me  bear 
up  cheerfully  through  whatever  we  may  have  to  pass  ;  and 
thus,  to  the  glory  of  his  good  name,  give  proof  that  we  consid- 
er ourselves  as  pilgrims  and  strangers,  whose  home  and  hap- 
piness is  in  a  better  country. 

"  My  health  is  rather  improved  of  late,  chiefly  from  change 
of  air.  A  very  kind  friend  has  lent  me  a  small  house  in  the 
country,  about  twenty  miles  from  London,  to  which,  with 
some  difliculty,  and  many  fears,  I  removed  about  two  months 
since.  I  am  quite  alone,  with  only  a  servant,  in  a  very  soli- 
tary spot,  and  have  only  two  friends  near  me,  v.  hose  company 
1  cannot  often  have  ;  I  should  therefore,  be  very  lonesome,  were 
it  not  for  the  secret  contained  in  the  little  book  1  sent  you.  Sol- 
itude, as  well  as  society,  has  its  peculiar  temptations,  many  of 
which  I  could  enumerate.  But  the  path  of  duty  is  the  path  of 
safety;  and  whatever  the  Divine  will  appoints,  \se  shall  find 
best  for  us  on  the  whole. 

"  I  had  not  heard  that  Mrs.  B.  was  going  on  a  new  enter- 
prise. May  it  tend  to  her  comfort  !  How  rejoiced  should  I 
be  to  hear  that  her  fine  understanding  had  submitted  itself  to 
receive  the  kindgdom  of  heaven  as  a  little  child  1  How 
grievous  to  think,  that  unless  this  is  the  case,  her  bright  talents 
will  be  like  the  sparks  that  glitter  for  a  moment,  but  in  the 
end  go  out  in  darkness  !  Ah,  dear  madam,  one  spark  of 
grace  is  of  more  value  than  can  be  estimated." 

In  another  letter  to  the  same  friend,  written  while  at  Betch- 
worth,  she  speaks  of  those  trials  which  believers  often  expe- 
rience in  advanced  life ;  and  by  means  of  which,  God  is 
pleased  to  renew  the  experience  of  former  years.  Matthew 
Henry  remarks  that,  "  Sometimes  the  saints'  last  encounter 
is  with  'the  sons  of  Anak,'  and  the  parting  blow  is  the  sorest." 
See  also  the  opinion  of  Bishop  Beveridge,  page  1S5.  While, 
however,  taking  this  view,  it  may  be  encouraging  to  bear  in 
mind,  that  the  best  mercies  are  also  reserved  till  the  last, 
and  that  these  are  introductive  of  still  better.  Mrs.  Hawkes 
writes : 

**IfI  could  converse  with  you,  my  dear  madam,  as  unre- 
strainedly with  my  pen,  as  I  could  in  speaking,  I  should  find 
no  solitary  evening  in  this  very  solitary  place.     I  am  thank- 


CHAP.  VI. —  FROM  A.  D.  1811,  TO  1312.        225 

ful,  however,  for  the  privilege  of  holding  intercourse,  in  any 
way,  with  a  mind  so  much  in  unison  with  my  own ;  and  I 
pray  that  a  divine  blessing  may  rest  on  our  desire  and  en- 
deavour to  strengthen  and  animate  each  other  in  the  heavenly 
race.  While  encompassed  with  the  infirmities  of  the  body, 
bowed  down  under  the  corruptions  of  an  evil  heart,  and  beset 
with  the  temptations  and  devices  of  an  ever-vigilant  enemy, 
we  shall,  till  we  arrive  at  the  very  gate  of  heaven,  and  until 
safely  admitted  therein,  find  many  things  to  make  us  groan 
for  deliverance,  I  imagine  it  is  a  very  common  idea  with 
young  Christians,  that  there  will  arrive  a  period  in  the  Chris- 
tian journey  when,  like  Pilgrim,  they  shall  find  a  pleasant 
arbour  of  rest,  to  sit  down  in  ;  and  when  they  shall  have  so 
far  overcome  sin  and  Satan,  as  to  be  allowed  a  little  respite 
from  the  heat  of  the  battle.  But  as  far  as  my  own  experience 
goes,  and  from  all  I  can  observe,  and  learn  from  old  Chris- 
tians, this  seems  not  to  be  the  case.  With  very  few  excep- 
tions, trials,  and  exercises  of  faith,  rather  increase  than  dimin- 
ish in  advanced  age.  This  may  appear  a  discouraging  view 
till  we  look  at  it  with  the  eye  of  faith;  and  then,  we  may  see 
many  reasons  why  it  should  be  so.  Firsts  God  is  most  glori- 
fied when  his  children  cheerfully  sustain  tribulation.  His 
power,  truth,  and  love  can  only  be  truly  manifested  by  the 
powerful  supports  he  gives  under  trouble,  when  the  fruits  of 
the  sanctifying  influences  of  his  Holy  Spirit,  are  thus  made  to 
be  read  and  known  of  all  men.  It  is  also  by  trial  after  trial, 
that  we  are  brought  to  the  discovery  of  our  deep  depravity, 
and  utter  helplessness,  and  are  made  feelingly  to  cry  out  with 
Job,  'Behold  I  am  vile,'  and  with  the  holy  prophet,  '  Woe  is 
me,  for  I  am  a  man  of  unclean  lips.'  By  trouble,  the  Holy 
Spirit  trains  us  in  the  school  of  faith  ;  teaching  us  that  which 
is  a  hard  lesson  to  proud  human  nature, — that  all  our  wisdom, 
strength,  and  righteousness,  is  treasured  up  in  Christ;  from 
whom  we  must  receive  power,  to  think  even  one  thought  that 
is  good  ;  and  to  whom  we  must  go,  for  the  continual  supply 
of  every  want,  and  the  relief  of  every  sorrow  and  burden. 
Our  blessed  Lord  left  us  a  legacy,  '  My  peace  I  give  unto  you  :' 
to  which  is  annexed  that  which  is  ready  to  make  us  shrink, 
for  he  adds,  '  In  the  world  ye  shall  have  tribulation.'  I  have 
ofien  compared  myself  to  a  pursued  bird,  that  lights  first  on 
one  branch  of  a  tree,  and  then  on  anolher.  Something  still 
disturbs,  afFrighls,  or  molests  it;  and  aficr  many  fruitless  at- 
tempts to  setlK.',  or  to  rest,  the  poor  thing  at  length  flies  quite 
away,  and  we  see  it  no  more.     In  our  Ciiristian  journey,  there 


226  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAM  KES. 

are  many  spots  where  we  make  an  attempt  to  rest.  Some- 
times it  is  on  some  favoured  manifestation  of  the  Divine  love 
and  presence;  at  which  seasons  we  are  ready  to  say,  'my 
mountain  stands  so  strong  I  shall  never  be  moved;'  my 
enemies  are  slain,  and  will  annoy  me  no  more;  my  feet  are 
delivered  from  the  snare  of  the  fowler,  and  I  shall  never  more 
be  thus  entangled.  Sometimes  we  are  peculiarly  blessed  with 
the  ordinances,  both  public  and  private  ;  and  sometimes  the 
heart  is  cheered  by  the  cordial  of  Christian  friendship.  Many 
other  spots  might  be  enumerated,  on  which  we  alight,  and 
begin  to  plume  our  wings  :  but  we  are  soon  made  to  feel  our 
mistake;  and  in  every  disappointment,  we  are  reminded  of 
our  Lord's  words,  ♦  In  me  ye  shall  have  peace.'  Not  in  any 
rich  experiences,  or  favoured  moments  ;  not  in  any  ordinances, 
or  creature  helps,  further  than  as  they  lead  you,  (as  if  our 
Lord  had  said,)  simply  to  ?we,  the  only  centre  of  peace  and 
rest.  Now  when  we  are  driven,  like  the  poor  bird,  off  every 
branch  and  sprig  of  nature's  tree,  and  fly  from  '  good  self 
and  bad  self,'  to  Christ  for  shelter  and  for  rest,  then  have  we 
reason  for  great  thankfulness,  let  the  cost  of  such  teaching  be 
ever  so  great. 

"  1  would  therefore,  my  dear  madam,  encourage  you  and 
myself,  under  all  these  heart-sinkings  to  which  we  are  liable, 
from  whatever  cause  they  may  arise; — whether  from  a  sense 
of  deadness  and  dulness  in  the  ways  of  God;  whether  from 
the  stirrings  of  heart-corruptions ;  whether  from  the  assaults 
of  the  enemy  ;  or  from  weariness  and  fainting,  by  reason  of 
the  length  of  the  way ;  whether  from  difficult,  dark,  and  per- 
plexing providences,  or  from  the  absence  of  those  advantages 
and  comforts,  with  which  other  Christians  are  favoured, — or 
if,  like  Job,  we  are  constrained  to  say  '  He  hideth  himself  on 
the  right  hand  that  I  cannot  see  him  ;'  or  with  Jonah,  '  I  am 
cast  out  of  his  sight;' — yet,  in  the  strength  of  the  Lord,  let  us 
make  Jonah's  resolution,  '  I  will  look  again  towards  thy  holy 
temple." 

In  the  month  of  January,  1812,  Mrs.  Hawkes  met  with  a 

slight  accident,  occasioned  by  a  fall;  which  however,  was  fol- 
lowed by  consequences  so  serious  to  her  health,  that  she  was 
obliged  early  in  the  spring  to  return  to  town.  Through  the 
winter  she  had  suffered  much  from  the  effects  of  damp,  whicli 
had  occasioned  a  serious,  and  long  continued  inflamalion  of 
her  eyes,  as  well  as  severe  rheumatic  pain  in  her  face.  These 
circumstances  made  it  appear  expedient  that  she  should  seek  a 


CHAP.  VII — FKOM  A.  D.  1812  TO  1817.  227 

residence  in  the  dry  and  airy  parts  of  London.  The  kind  in- 
tentions of  sincere  friendship  seemed  thus  defeated  :  But,  in  the 
end,  it  was  shewn  to  have  been  overruled  for  good.  Had  Mrs. 
Hawkes  remained  at.  Betch worth,  the  company  of  those  dear 
friends,  who  were  her  only  society  in  that  place,  would  not 
have  been  long  afforded  her, — as  a  new  sphere  of  usefulness 
was  shortly  opened  to  her  valued  friend  and  minister,  Dr. 
Fearon,  by  his  removal  to  Oare,  near  liuslings. 


CHAPTER  Vll. 

FROM  HER  SETTLEMENT  AT  PENTON  PLACE  TO  HER 
REMOVAL  TO  QUEEN'S  ROW. 

FROM  A.  D.   1812   TO   1817. 

Kind  welcome  of  Mrs.  Collyer — Mrs.  Hawkcs's  reflections  after  severe 

illness — Her  endeavours  to  become  useful — Letters  to  Mrs.  C tt  on 

the  new  year — Attacked  by  fever — Values  prolonged  life,  and  why 

Her  general  correspondence  and  Christian  intercourse — She  refers  to 
the  change  in  political  affairs,  Easter  Sunday,  18t4 — Her  sentiments 
on  indwelling  sin,  expressed  in  several  letters — Fear  of  being  again 
obliged  to  remove — Suffers  from  continual  inflammation  in  her  eyes — 
Letter  on  giving  loose  to  a  roving  imagination — On  faith  and  depend- 
ence— Conversion  of  Mr.  Vaughan — Letter  to  a  friend  at  Honduras — 
Reflections  on  opening  the  year  1817 — Suffering  from  Nervous  and 
bilious  fever — She  goes  to  Clapham — Letters  to  various  friends. 

On  arriving  in  London,  Mrs.  Hawkes  was  welcomed  to  the 
house  of  her  afTectionatc  niece,  Mrs.  Collyer,  where  she  re- 
mained till  comfortable  apartments,  in  a  more  airy  situation, 
could  be  provided  for  her.  Besides  her  usual  sufTerings  from 
her  complaiat,  she  was,  at  this  time,  nearly  deprived  of  sight, 
from  constant  inflammation  in  her  eyes  ;  and  was  also  confined 
to  a  couch  with  a  painful  and  serious  wound,  which  had  arisen 
in  the  first  instance,  from  merely  breaking  the  skin  of  her  leg, 
in  a  fall.  The  great  debility  into  which  she  had  fallen,  ren- 
dered  all  these  evils  dilTicult  to  bear  ;  and  her  slate  became  crit- 
ical. After  some  weeks,  however  it  pleased  God  to  bless  the 
means  used  for  her  relief,  and  she  was  able  to  remove  to  Pen- 


228  MEMOIRS  OF  3IRS.  HAWKES. 

ton  Place.     Soon  after  her  entering  upon  this  new  residence, 
she  wrote  the  following  memorial  of  her  feelings  : — 

Pentoii  Place,  1812. — <'  Restored  apparently  from  the  very 
grasp  of  death,  I  seem  to  be  put  once  more  into  a  peacefnl  ha- 
ven. But  pain,  sickness,  and  extreme  feebleness  are  my  allot- 
ted companions.  However  unlovely,  and  irksome,  such  com- 
panions must  be,  yet  so  far  as  they  shall  prove  salutary  to  my 
soul,  I  welcome  them.  I  need  correction.  I  need  purification  ; 
and  the  rod  of  affliction  has  not  yet  done  its  appointed  work.  I 
pray  that  I  may  not  shrink  from  it.  Why  should  I  ?  seeing  it  is 
my  Saviour's  hand,  who  does  not  chastise  as  earthly  parents  too 
often  do,  passionately,  excessively,  and  unwisely  :  He  corrects 
tenderly  ;  '  In  measure  when  it  shooteth  forth,  he  debateth  with 
it.'  I  rejoice  that  the  chastening  rod  is  in  his  hand,  and  not  in 
the  hand  of  man.  1  pray  Him  to  support  me  under  it ;  1  trust  1 
do  really  and  cheerfully  submit  myself  to  it.  He  once  gave  his 
back  to  the  smiters  for  our  sins.  How  much  more  should  I  sub- 
mit to  be  smitten  by  him  for  my  oidu  sins.  Why  should  I,  who 
deserve  to  be  destroyed,  complain  when  only  chastised?  I  will 
hope,  and  pray,  and  believe,  that  when  the  rod  has  done  its 
\vork,  it  will  be  laid  aside." 

Mrs.  Hawkes  still  continued  her  endeavours  to  be  useful, 
under  all  impediments.  Though  writing  became  extremely 
difficult,  from  the  weak  state  of  her  eyes,  yet  she  was  ever 
making  efforts  to  meet  the  wishes  of  her  correspondents,  espe- 
cially in  the  case  of  young  persons,  who  desired  to  receive  from 
her,  either  instruction  or  advice.  She  thus  addressed  a  young 
friend,  who  was  for  a  time,  removed  from  opportunies  of  hear- 
ing the  Gospel ; — 

"Much  have  I  wished  to  write  to  yon,  my  dearest,  under 
your  new  dispensation  ;  particularly  on  account  of  your  pre- 
sent privations  on  the  Sunday,  because  I  can  feel  for  you,  and 
well  understand  you.  But  whatever  may  be  lacking  to  you  in 
the  public  ordinances,  I  trust  you  are  able  to  gain  much  by 
private  exercises.  I  do  not  mean  that  you  should  shut  your- 
self up  always  in  your  chamber,  for  we  may  spend  mrmy  hours 
shut  up,  and  yet  do  very  little  to  purpose.  A  short  space,  spent 
in  laying  open  the  heart  before  God,  and  in  stretching  forth 
the  empty  vessel  to  receive  out  of  his  fulness, — to  abase  our- 
selves at  his  sacred  footstool,  and  to  cast  ourselves  on  Christ, 
by  simple  and  true  faith,-— will  do  more  for  us,  than  the  longest 


CHAP.  VII.— FROM  A.  D.  1612  TO  1817.       229 

and  strongest  elTorts  of  our  own.  I  trust  you  find  an  increas- 
incr  humiliation  of  mind,  and  an  increasing  victory  over  every 
opposing  evil  principle,  together  with  increasing  simplicity  of 
aim  and  dependence.  But  remember,  that  the  graces  of  the 
Spirit,  so  very  beautifully  enumerated  by  St.  Paul,  will  only 
<M*ow  in  a  soil  where  there  has  been  much  ploughing  and  har- 
rowing, and  weeding  out  the  roots  of  bitterness,  which  are  the 
natural  and  spontaneous  productions  of  the  soil :  and  the  plough, 
the  harrow,  and  the  hoe,  are  instruments  we  do  not  love;  and 
they  bring  out  many  an  ugly  reptile,  which  lay  beneath  the 
surfjice,  quite  undiscovered   before. 

"  1  am  grieved  to  hear  so  poor  an  account  of  your  health. 
But  spiritu7\l  strength  is  more  important  than  cither  bodily  or 
mental.  Bend  all  your  most  serious  energies  to  get  firmly  built 
on  that  Rock  from  which  no  sickness,  or  loss,  or  even  tempta- 
tions shall  remove  you.  It  is  of  great  importance  to  get  a  firm 
fooling  before  storms  and  dangers  assail  you  :  for  they  will 
come  to  you  as  well  as  to  others  ;  indeed,  young  as  you  are, 
you  have  not  been  without  them.  But  they  do  not  accomplish 
their  design  until  they  destroy  the  deep,  and  hidden,  and  en- 
twining root  of  self.  Now  mark  well,  if  you  find  in  your  daily 
experience,  that  this  root  is  weakening  and  withering.  It  is 
a  gradual  work,  v./hich  will  never  be  perfected  till  death.  But 
still  we  should  be  able  to  perceive  that  the  crucifixion  of  self 
is  (Toins;  on,  and  that  the  opposite  most  desirable  grace,  that  of 
humble  dependence  and  universal  submission  to  Christ,  is  in- 
creasing. You  may  observe  by  marks  in  themselves  very 
small,  how  farse//"is  giving  way;  and  in  proportion  as  it  does 
give  way,  your  real  peace  and  comfort  will  increase.  This  I 
know,  though,  alas  I  afier  all  the  discipline  1  have  had,  I  still 
know  comparatively  very  little  of  true  self-renunciation.  I  trust 
when  you  have  fought  as  many  battles  as  1  have,  you  will  be 
a  far  more  victorious  soldier. 

"  I  have  written  this  under  much  pain  and  languor,  besides 
considerable  inflammation  in  my  eyes.  1  seem  to  lose  strength 
rather  than  gain  it.  However,  though  my  body  and  intellect 
decay  fast,  1  have  great  cause  to  be  thankful  that  there  is  a 
principle  capable  of  being  invigorated  when  every  thing  else 
moulders  away.  But  he  that  numbers  our  days,  knows  the 
best  time  of  release,  both  for  you  and  for  me.  Our  business 
is  to  be  ready  to  embark  whenever  the  signal  is  given,  and  to 
be  often  taking  an  animating  view  of  liie  dclighlfid  country 
where  we  hope  to  land." 

20 


230  3IEM0IRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

In  the  following  letter  to  Mrs.  C tt,  Mrs.  Hawkes  thus 

expresses  her  sentiments  and  feelings  on  entering  the  year 
1813:— 

"  In  entering  on  the  new  year,  my  mind  has  been  much  oc- 
cupied in  reviewing  my  past  wearisome  journey  ihrough  life, 
and  especially  for  the   last  thirty  years ;  and  in  noticing  the 
difficulties,  sorrows,   and   temptations,  which,  since  the  com- 
mencement of  my  spiritual  pilgrimage,  have  beset  my  path,  and 
been  the  occasion,  in  combination  with  sin  in  my  own  heart, 
of  innumerable  deviations  and  mistakes,  which  I  mourn  to  look 
back  upon.     During  these  revolvings,  my  mind  is  much  pene- 
trated  with  the  amazing   subtility  and   ceaseless   vigilance  of 
Satan,  in  so  exactly  varying   his   temptations   to  the  different 
stages,  circumstances,  and  situations  of  life.     He  knows  how, 
in  the  vigour  and   zeal  of  early  years,  to  elate  the   mind,  and 
fill  it  with  vanity  and  self-conceit :  and,  after  some  successful 
progress  in  the  spiritual  journey,  he  knows  how  to  offer  spe- 
cious  reasons  why  there  may  be  an  abatement  of  toil,  and  la- 
bour, and  effort ;  suggesting,  that  we  may  now  rest  awhile. 
When  we  begin  to  descend  the  hill,  and  feel  the  benumbing 
effects  of  increasing  age,  or  are  heavy-laden  with  bodily  infir- 
mities, or  outward  and  inward  troubles,  then,  (if  I  may  speak 
from  my  own  experience,)  we  are  beset  on  every  side;  and  no- 
thing but  victorious  faith  can  keep  our  heads  from  sinking  be- 
neath  the   deep   waters.     I  find  it  often  difficult  to  distinguish 
between  what  is  really  temptation  and  sin,  and  what  is  merely 
the  effect  of  infirmity,  the  disabilities  of  a  diseased   body,  and 
the  weight  of  oppressing  trials.     But  we  need  not  be  nice  to 
distinguish,  for  whatever  it  be  that  troubles  us,  or  is  an  impedi- 
ment in  our  way,  whether  bodily  or  mental,  our  highest  wis- 
dom is  not  to  stand  and  dispute  with  it,  but  to  go  immediately 
to  Jesus,  and  with  simplicity,  hope,  and  dependence,  to  say, 
'Lord,  I  am  oppressed,  undertake  for  me;'  thou  hast  bidden 
me  to  bring   my  burdens  to  thee,  and   here  I  bring   them  ;  O 
take  them,  and  give  me  rest  according  lo  thy  word  !     There 
is  much  danger  in  poring  too  intensely  over  either  ourselves  or 
our  troubles.     Under  any  bodily  disease,  if  we   were   more 
anxious  to  examine  it,  watch  its  progress,  and  mark  its  differ- 
ent and  varying  symptoms,  than   to  go  to  the  physician,  and 
diligently  follow  his  directions,  and  rest  on  his  judgment  of  the 
case,  our  recovery  would  be  greatly  retarded.     Thus  it  is  in 
spiritual  things :  we  should  indeed  be  humbled  and  ashamed 
for  our  manifold  sins  and  defects;  but  after  all,  it  is  by  simply 


CHAP.  VII. FROM  A.  D.  1812  TO  1817.         231 

looking  to  Christ,  that  we  shall  be  healed.     It  is  by  faith  our 
adversary  must   be  resisted,  and  not   by  humiliation  alone.     I 
speak  ihe  more  freely  on  this,  because  I  suffer  much  from  de- 
pression and  languor,  both  of  body  and  mind ;  and  am  some- 
times ready  to  say,  Surely  every  fruit  of  the  Spirit  is  withered, 
and  nothing  is  left  in  my  cold  heart,  but  barrenness  and  death. 
And  if  Satan  could  make  me  believe  this  to  be  true,  he  would 
be  fully  as  content  as  if  he  could  lead  me  to  plunge  into  open 
sin  ;  for  despair  is  the  last  extinguisher  of  faith ;  but,  through 
mercy,  He  in  whom  are  our  fresh  springs,  grants  us,  at  times, 
fresh  supplies  of  life,  and  renewed  manifestations  of  his  free 
grace  and  favour ;  and  then  we  can  say,  '  Rejoice  not  against 
me,  O  mine  enemy,  when  I  fall  I  shall  arise  ; '  though  cast 
down,  my  Saviour' will  not  suffer  me  to  be  destroyed.     It  is 
indeed,  as  you  say,  very  hard  to  keep  from  looking  too  much 
on  the  dark  side  of  things,  when  scarcely  any  thing  else  pre- 
sents  itself,— for  really  ivithin   us,  and   without  us,  a  bright 
spot   is   scarcely  to  be  discovered;  but   there   is,  above   us,  a 
bright  prospect,  a  Sun  of  Righteousness  always  shining,  which 
we%hould  do  well  to  contemplate  ;  and  when  disease,  or  temp- 
tation, or  corruption,  form  so  thick  an  atmosphere  as  to  inter- 
cept the  brighter  beams,  yet  let  our  faith,  as  a  mighty  princi- 
ple, teach  us  to  say, — as  we  do  when  the  sun  in  our  lower  sky 
is   obscured  by   damps  and    fogs,— The   clouds   prevent   the 
shining  of  the  sun  to-day,  but  it  is  still  behind  the  cloud,  and 
will  break  forth  again,  by  and  bye,  as  bright  as  ever.     May 
we  both  begin,  and  go  through  the  year,  (if  life  is  continued,) 
looking  to  Jesus,  the^author  and  finisher  of  our  faith  ;  for  by 
thus  looking  we  are  strengthened. 

"  Do  not  fail  to  pray  for  your  fellow-traveller, 

""  And  affectionate  friend, 

"S.  H." 

In  the  spring  of  the  year  1813,  Mrs.  Hawkes  had  a  serious 
attack  of  fever.  In  a 'letter  to  a  young  friend,  she  describes 
her  painful  bodily  sufferings  at  this  time,  and  the  support  and 
comfort  graciously  afforded  her  under  them.  After  explaining 
the  cause  of  her  long  silence,  she  goes  on  to  say  : — 

"  If  I  were  not  assured  that  you  are  fully  aware  of  my 
feeble  state,  I  should  fear  you  would  think  me  unkind, — but 
unkind  in  reality  I  can  never  be  to  one  1  so  dearly  love.  The 
truth  is,  I  have  not  passed  a  single  day  without  such  a  share  of 
illness  and  suffering,  that  I  have  literally  done  little  else  than 
mourn  and  crroanTand  if  I  have  now  and  then  been  granted 


232  ^lEMOIKS    OF    3ir.S.    HAV.KES. 

half  an  hour's  mitigation  of  pain,  I  have  been  glad  to  embrace 
it  tor  imploring  grace  and  help  to  go  on  and  endure,  without 
fainting,  or  complaining.  I  have  had  an  intermitting  fever, 
with  sickness,  faintings,  and  various  other  death-like  symp- 
toms;— among  which,  one,  not  the  least  depressing,  is  the  ex- 
quisite soreness  of  my  mouth  and  throat.  It  has  been  torture 
to  me  not  only  to  attempt  to  eat,  but  also  to  speak,  from  which 
I  have  been  obliged  to  excuse  myself,  if  any  one  called  upon 
me.  To-day  there  has  been  some  mitigation  of  these  symp- 
toms, and  the  fever  is  not  quite  so  strong,  though  by  no  means 
removed.  My  head  also  is  much  affected ;  in  short,  I  wonder 
how  it  is  I  get  on  ;  for  I  say  in  the  morning.  When  will  it  be 
night?  and  at  night,  When  will  it  be  morning 7  Yet  through 
all, — so  great  is  the  mercy  of  the  Lord  to  his  afflicted  ones, — 
my  mind  is  kept  not  onl}^  in  peace,  but  I  have  been  favoured 
with  more  life  in  my  soul  than  when  my  painful  feelings  were 
not  so  acute.  The  near  approach  of  death,  (at  least  as  it 
seems,)  is  accompanied  with  more  clear  and  comfortable  views 
of  the  glory  that  shall  follow;  and  I  am  therefore  encouraged 
to  wait,  endure,  and  hope  unto  the  end.  If  we  may  but  receive 
more  of  the  divine  image,  and  be  able,  in  any  degree, 
to  glorify  that  Holy  and  gracious  name  by  which  we  are 
called,  it  is  worth  all  that  we  can  suffer, — for  '  the  time  is 
short.'  The  flesh  naturally  cries  out,  Spare,  spare!  and  the 
Lord  has  pity  on  such  a  cry  ;  but  He  will  still  perform  his  own 
work  ;  for  as  one  says,  '  He  loves  us  too  well  to  spare  us  for 
our  crying,  if  it  be  to  our  loss;'  and  it  is  our  mercy  that  he 
does  so.  Discipline  is  wholesome;  and  He  will  correct  in 
mercy.  You,  my  dear,  are  an  early  sufferer,  and  I  sympa- 
thize with  you  ;  but  if  sanctifying  grace,  and  the  teaching  of 
the  Spirit  be  afforded  you,  as  I  pray  and  trust  they  will  be, 
you  will  perceive,  as  you  go  on,  that  you  are  so  enriched 
thereby,  as  to  be  induced  to  say,  '  I  vv'ould  not  have  lost  one 
pain  or  sorrow.'  But  our  danger  lies  in  having  the  pain,  with- 
out the  profit; — in  going  through  our  trials  and  afflictions  as 
a  sort  of  allotted  calamity,  common  to  all ;  instead  of  deeply 
considering  them  as  a  medicinal  process,  appointed  for  a  cer- 
tain purpose.  We  do  not  sufficiently  watch  symptoms,  either 
of  our  disease,  or  our  remedy  ;  we  do  not,  as  we  ought,  deliver 
up  ourselves,  and  fall  heartily  into  the  designs  of  our  great 
Physician  ;  therefore  we  lose  much.  I  wish  to  encourage  you, 
and  myself,  to  expect  great  things  from  the  school  we  are 
likely  to  remain  in  as  long  as  we  inhabit  our  clay  tabernacles; 
and  when  we  are  'clothed  upon  with  our  house  eternal  in  the 


CHAr.  VII. FROM  A.  D.  1812  TO  1817.       233 

heavens,'  we  shall  sing  a  louder  song  of  praise.  Yet  I  know, 
and  feel,  that  the  heart  sinks  under  suffering;  and  nothing  but 
constant  and  new  supplies  of  Divine  grace,  can  enable  us  to 
hold  up  our  heads ;  for  these  we  nnust  constantly  pray, — and 
a  supply  of  these  we  nnay  assuredly  expect. 

"  I  am  grieved  to  hear  so  poor  an  account  of  yourself.  I 
had  hoped  the  fine  air  would  have  done  more  for  you.  But 
where  is  the  spot,  however  delightful,  or  the  air  however  pure, 
where  the  east  wind  does  not  sometimes  blow,  and  cause  a 
blight.  Yet  there  is  now  and  then  a  gleam  of  sunshine,  and 
it  is  our  wisdom  to  make  the  most  of  it.  By  and  by,  we  shall 
have  nothing  else,  when  we  get,  as  Rutherford  says,  '  on  the 
sunny  side  of  the  brae.'  " 

The  following  letter,  to  the  same  young  friend,  may  be  m- 
teresting,  as  showing  the  view  which  Mrs.  Hawkes  took,  in 
the  advanced  stages  of  her  Christian  experience,  of  the  danger 
and  inexpediency  of  indulging  in  melancholic  impressions. 

"  I  thank  my"^ dearest for  her  letter,  though  I  was  sor- 

ry  to  find  it  was  written  in  a  melancholy  mood,  lou  and  I, 
my  love,  shall  always  meet  with  fuel  for  our  gloomy  fire,  as 
long  as  we  live.  We  must,  however,  strive  against  depres- 
sion ;  and  you  in  particular,  because  you  are  young,  and  mel- 
ancholy is  a  growing  evil;  and  because  it  is  death  to  all  exer- 
tion, and  almost  to  all  comfort:  and  moreover,  Satan  takes 
great  advantage  of  it  to  injure  and  disturb  our  spirits,  and  to 
hinder  our  progress  in  the  best  things,  I  am  sadly  afraid  of 
depression,  having  suffered  so  much  from  it  myself.  The  in- 
dulgence of  melancholy  and  sadness  is  a  cheat,  even  in  a  reli- 
gious point  of  view  :  though  it  may  seem  to  favour  spirituality 
yet  it  does  not  do  so  in  truth  :  it  favours  ihe  feeling  more  than 
the  principle.  But  you  and  1,  in  this  tempestuous  world,  shall 
have  more  call  for  principle,  than  feeling, — though  this  too 
certainly  has  its  place.  Self-denial,  submission  of  our  will  to 
adverse  circumstances,  taking  up  the  most  irksome  cross, 
compliance  with  ten  thousand  arduous  claims  and  demands, — 
and  all  this  in  a  spirit  of  kindness  and  cheerfulness,— arc  lessons 
only  to  be  obtained  in  the  combat,  through  the  aid  of  Divine 
grace.  It  is  not  only  our  faith  that  must  be  tried,  but  our  love, 
our  patience,  our  submision,  resignation  and  humility ;  all 
these  must  be  brought  forth  by  the  purifying  fire.  But  one 
thing  you  must  constantly  bear  in  mind,  or  you  will  faint  in 
the  day  of  adversity,  namely, — that  you  are  not  called  to  un- 
dertake one  single  difficultv  in  your  own  strength.  Good  reso- 
20=^ 


234  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    UAWKES. 

lutions,  the  finest  and  most  correct  views,  will  all  fail,  unless 
you  go  simply  as  a  child,  to  the  strong  for  strength,  and  lean 
on  all-sufficient  grace.  This  is  a  secret  which,  I  trust,  you 
will  understand  more  and  more. 

"  I  am  much  gratified  by  your  freedom  ;  I  hope  you  will 
cultivate  a  communicative  habit,  if  you  think  me  worthy  of 
your  confidence.  '  Eat  not  thine  heart,'  says  a  wise  man, 
when  speaking  of  reserve.  I  think  you  will  not  easily  find 
one  who  has  an  ear  more  ready  to  hear  or  a  heart  more  ten- 
der to  feel  for  you  in  every  thing,  than  your  truly  affectionate 
friend,  "  S.  Hawkes." 

The  only  private  memorandum  which  is  supplied  for  the 
year  1813,  shall  lead  to  its  close.  Mrs.  Hawkes's  reflections 
suggest  the  importance  of  diligence  in  early  life,  especially 
with  respect  to  the  cultivation  of  the  mind  : — 

"  1813. — Oh  !  for  some  of  my  former  energy,  mental  and 
bodily  !  but  it  is  departed.  I  now  feel  the  great  advantage  of 
early  reading;  for  long  trouble  and  disease,  have  brought  on 
premature  old  age,  so  that  all  my  menial  faculties  are,  like 
my  body,  become  feeble  and  languid,  it  is  only  in  some  fa- 
voured seasons,  that  I  can  do  any  thing  to  purpose.  What  I 
read,  seems  to  be  forgotten  as  soon  as  read  ;  and  I  am  some- 
times ready,  in  despair,  to  give  over  the  attempt. 

"  Bishop  Hopkins  speaks  well  to  this  case: — ^if  thou  corn- 
plainest  nothing  remains  on  thy  memory,  therefore  thou  ihink- 
est  as  good  to  give  over  reading  as  thus  continually  to  pour 
water  in  a  seive;  this  should  rather  put  thee  on  a  more  fre- 
quent study  of  the  Scripture,  than  discourage  thee  from  it.  A 
vessel  set  under  the  fall  of  a  spring,  cannot  leak  faster  than  it  is 
supplied.  Scripture  truths,  when  they  do  not  enrich  the  memory, 
may  yet  purity  the  heart.  Such  is  the  irresistable  force  of 
the  word,  the  Spirit  ofien  darts  it  through  us,  as  it  seems  but 
like  a  flash  of  lightning,  and  it  is  gone  ;  yet  it  may  melt  our 
hard  hearts  when  it  leaves  no  impression  on  our  memories." 

Notwithstanding  the  rather  depressed  view  which  Mrs. 
Hawkes  here  takes  of  her  weakness  and  infirmity,  she  was  in- 
deed becoming  eminently  useful  at  this  tim.e  in  her  private 
sphere,  which  by  means  of  correspondence  and  social  inter- 
course, was  daily  extending.  Her  society  was  equally  sought 
by  the  old  and  the  young,  the  ricii  and  the  poor:  and  it  ap- 
pears, by  the  next  memorial  of  her  christian  experience,  that 


CHAP.  VII. FROM  A.  D.    1812  TO  1817.  235 

she  obtained  about  this  period,  a  strong  impression  of  the  value 
of  prolonged  life, — both  as  allowing  further  space  for  the  deep 
work  of  repentance  and  faith,  connected  with  increased  self- 
knowledge,  and  humiliation; — and  as  affording  opportunities  of 
glorifying  God,  by  seeking  to  promote  the  spiritual  edification 
of  her  fellow  creatures. 

Jan.  1814. — "  During  so  many  years  of  suffering  and  of  al- 
most continual  seclusion,  while  reduced  to  weakness,  languor, 
and  total  uselessness,  a  burden  not  only  to  myself  but  to  oth- 
ers,— I  have  found   it  more  easy  to  resign  myself  to  life,  be- 
cause it  is  God's  will  that  I  should  live,  than  to  thank  him  for 
the  preservation  of  it.     I  trust,  however,  I  can  now  thank  Him 
for   life,  and  that  on  the  following  account:  43ecause  discove- 
ries have  been  made  to  my  heart  of  many  sins  and  corruptions 
— to  repent  of  which,  with  due  humiliation,  a  long  life  would 
be  too  short.     It  is  only  by  very  slow  degrees  that  the  heart 
is  taught  to  know  its  innate  deceiifulncss,  and  total  depravity. 
And  it  is  only  a  gracious  knowledge  of  this,  that  can  produce 
true  penitence,    deep  humiliation   and  self-despair.      In   pro- 
portion as  this  is  learnt,  by  the  teaching  of  the  Holy  Spirit,  the 
soul  is  brought  to  the  foot  of  the  cross,  and  there  casts  itself 
upon  the  Saviour,  and  obtains  a  more  simple  and  transform- 
ing view,  of  his  love,  his  suitableness,  his  beauty,  his  all-suffi- 
ciency to  save.     Then  the  word  of  the  Redeemer  begins  to 
open  in  all  its  splendour,  and  the  divine  perfections  of  the  glo- 
rious Trinity,  in  their  different  offices,  shine  forth  with  an  ef- 
fulgence of  majesty  and  love.     Hereby  the  soul  is  gradually 
changed  into  the  Divine  image,  and  prepared  for  heaven.    And, 
now,  it  begins  to  feel  the  importance  of  life.     It  is  only  the 
living  that  can  shew  forth  the  praises  of  God,  in  suffering,  in 
repentance  for  sin,  in  rejoicing  in  tribulation,  in  evidencing 
the  truth  of  Scripture,  in  being  an  instructor  and  an  example 
to  others:  and  in  manifesting,  that  the  life  of  God  in  the  soul, 
with  sweet  communion  and  fellowship  with  the  Father,  Son, 
and   Holy  Ghost,  is  sufficient  to  keep  the  mind  in  peace  and 
comfort,  under  the  most  severe  and  long  continued  afflictions. 
If  these  blessed  effects  are  in  any  measure  produced,  is  there 
not  sufficient  cause  to  thank  God  for  the  preservation  of  life? 

"  The  greatest  favour,  and  honour,  that  can  be  afforded  to  a 
believing  sinner,  is  to  be  permitted,  and  enabled,  if  by  any 
means,  to  glorify  his  Father  which  is  in  heaven.  For  this 
purpose  Christ  came  from  heaven  ;  and  this  should  be  the 
business  of  believers,  on  earth." 


236  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

From  this  period  Mrs.  Havvkes's  sentiments,  and  the  pro- 
gress of  her  sufferings,  will  be  chiefly  gathered  from  her  cor- 
respondence; in  pursuing  the  course  of  which,  we  shall  be  re- 
freshed, rather  than  wearied.  As,  when  tracing  the  windings 
of  a  river, — though  the  way  may  be  somewhat  long, — we  are 
allured  by  the  varying  prospects,  and  revived  by  the  healthful 
breezes. 

In  writing  to  Mrs.  Jones  about  this  time,  after  expressing 
fears  with  regard  to  some  very  distressing  symptoms,  she  goes 
on  to  say, — 

"But  *  sufficient  for  the  day  is  the  evil  thereof.' — I  will  not 
say  evil,  but  suffering  thereof.  Affliction  has  never  brought 
me  any  evil,  but  much  good,  and  many  feast-days;  and  my 
feasting  has  been  in  proportion  to  my  humiliation  ; — because, 
then  the  riches  of  divine  grace  have  the  finest  flavour,  and  ap- 
pear in  their  brightest  aspect.  I  have  seen,  when  formerly  in 
the  Isle  of  Wight,  a  landscape  painter  traversing  from  spot  to 
spot,  to  obtain  the  best  point  of  view  for  the  object  he  was 
about  to  take.  The  lowest,  and  most  self-abasing  place,  into 
which  a  real  penitential  spirit  can  sink,  seems  to  afford  the  best 
position  for  our  beholding  Christ.  Oh,  for  self-emptiness,  and 
His  fullness!  Our  utmost  spiritual  enjoyments  are  only  like 
little  rills,  sometimes  appearing,  and  sometimes  almost  disap- 
pearing :  but  in  Him  is  a  boundless  ocean,  wherein  I  would 
fain  plunge  myself.     In  heaven  we  shall  thus  plunge. 

"  The  conversation  of  a  friend  has  lately  given  me  a  fresh 
feeling  of  delight  in  the  contemplation  of  the  happiness  of 
heaven.  I  was  almost  entranced,  for  nearly  three  hours,  with 
a  display  of  the  finest  intellect,  the  deepest  Christian  experience, 
and  most  astonishing  knowledge  of  human  nature,  with  the 
brightest  views  of  the  Saviour,  1  ever  met  with,  except  in  Mr. 
Cecil ;  and  yet,  even  this,  though  it  put  my  feeble  mind  to  the 
full  stretch,  gives  but  a  faint  idea  of  the  society  we  shall  have 
in  heaven,  and  the  delight  it  will  afford  us.  It  has  been  quite 
a  rich  harvest  time  with  me,  lately,  in  Christian  society.  Mr. 
Wilson,  Mr.  Sheppard  and  the  above-mentioned  friend,  have 
each  brought  in  their  ripe  fruits,  from  which  1  have,  I  hope, 
gained  something. 

"  I  have  just  been  remarking  to  Mr.  Sheppard,  that  when 
I  was  a  young  Christian,  I  said,  '  my  mountain  stands  so 
strong,  I  sliall  never  be  moved  ;' — but  now,  afler  many  years 
increasing  experience  of   my  own    weakness,  and  heart-de- 


CHAP.  VII. FKOM  A.  D.  1812  TO  1817.        237 

pravity,  and  with  some  deeper  views  of  the  evil  of  sin,  I  am 
afraid  to  say  what  I  have,  or  what  I  am.  I  can  tell  my 
gracious  Lord  all  that  concerns  me, — hut  to  man  let  my  words 
be  few, — and  those,  '  seasoned  with  salt.'  But  when  I  speak 
of  the  mercy  and  goodness  of  God,  let  my  words  be  weighty, 
for  his  love  cannot  be  told.  I  was  much  struck  with  hearing 
Mr.  Simeon  say  in  the  most  impressive  manner,  when  refer- 
ring to  Mark  vi.  52,  '  He  had  iearnt  that  mercy  was  no  cause 
of  wonder, — and  sin  no  cause  of  despair.'  I  said,  that  very 
declaration  is  to  mo  a  cause  of  wonder.  He  replied, — '  but 
consider  ivho  it  is  that  shews  mercy, — it  is  God  !  And  it  is 
only  because  we  do  not  consider  Him  in  his  perfections  and 
attributes,  that  we  are  disposed  to  wonder.  Christ  said  to  his 
disciples  when  they  feared  and  wondered,  "  where  is  your 
faith." '  My  mind  seems  to  expand  with  the  idea,  and  my  ex- 
pectations are  enlarged:  What  may  we  not  ask  of  God, — a 
God  in  covenant !  I  hope  to  take  the  promises  with  more 
faith,  hope,  and  expectation,  and  wrestle  for  their  fulfilment, — 
for  concerning  them  1  see  as  yet,  but  '  through  a  glass  darkly.' 
My  present  state  seems  to  forbid  every  olher  object  of  anxiety, 
or  pursuit,  but  that  of  being  found  with  oil  in  my  vessel,  ready 
for  the  cry,  '  Behold,  the  bridegroom  cometh.'" 

Extract  from  another  letter  to  i\Irs.  Jones. 

"  I  should  have  no  intermission  from  sinking  fears  and  fore- 
bodings, were  it  not  for  the  ineasure  of  faith,  small  as  it  is, 
that  my  Saviour  graciously  bestows;  enabling  me  to  flee  to 
Him,  as  my  strong  tower  and  my  constant  hiding-place. 
Every  event,  and  every  possible  occurrence  of  every  day,  I 
commit  to  Him.  Satan,  with  all  his  designs  against  my  soul; — 
sin,  in  all  its  secret  workings; — the  want  of  spiritual  graces  ; — 
my  daily  bread; — my  bodily  pains  and  infirmities: — and  the 
fearful  apprehension  of  still  greater  ; — with  whatever  else  adds 
to  my  burdens  ;  I  gather  all  up,  and  go  to  my  Saviour  with 
them,  and  beg  Him  to  enable  me  to  roll  them  on  Him  ;  to 
leave  them  with  him  ;  and  to  make  me  abide  under  the  shadow 
of  his  wings.  And  in  proportion  as  Pie  enables  me  thus  to  do, 
what  should  proceed  from  my  heart,  but  praise  and  humilia- 
tion !  When  I  have  the  comfort  of  this  experience,  I  say.  Ah, 
this  is  the  fruit  of  redeeming  love,  and  of  saiictified  affliction. 
Thanks  be  to  God,  for  his  secret  and  sacred  teaching!  '  Tis 
true  the  east  wind  has  blighted  and  stripped  away  those  earthly 
fruits  and  flowers  which  1  see  many  of  my  friends  in  the  en- 


238  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

joyment  of.  But  these  might  have  been  briars  and  snares  in 
my  carnal  heart.  Instead  of  such  meaner  things,  He  leads 
me  into  the  green  pastures  of  his  love,  by  still  and  refreshing 
waters,  where  no  deadly  poison  nor  envenomed  sting  lies  con- 
cealed ;  i  hope,  iherefore,  I  can  and  do  say,  '  Bless  the  Lord, 
O  my  soul.'  And  oh,  may  He  pity  and  pardon  me,  whenever 
faith  so  fails,  as  that  I  should,  for  a  moment,  cease  to  trust  in 
Him,  or  cease  to  magnify  his  holy  name.  But  faith  will  fail, 
and  doubts  and  fears  will  spring  up ;  because,  as  an  old  writer 
says  '  Though  the  graces  of  the  Spirit,  as  they  flow  from  their 
original  fountain,  are  clear,  and  pure,  yet  no  sooner  are  they 
received  into  the  unclean  and  leaky  vessels  of  our  hearts,  than 
they  are  weakened  ;  the  wine  is  mixed  with  water — yea  with 
dregs.  In  heaven  these  sad  vessels  shall  be  made  capable  of 
holding  them  purely,  and  be  ever  full' " 

The  entrance  of  the  allied  armies  into  Paris,  in  1814,  and 
Buonaparte's  consequent  abdication  of  the  throne  of  France, — 
events  which  caused  so  great  a  change  in  the  face  of  European 
affairs, — are  thus  noticed  by  Mrs.  Hawkes  in  her  diary  : — 

Easter  Sunday,  April  10,  1814. — "  My  mind  is  still  over- 
whelmed, and  impressed  with  a  sacred  awe,  by  the  news  of 
yesterday,  concerning  France.  Surely  the  Lord's  arm  is  made 
visible  to  man.  May  the  inhabitants  of  the  world  thereby 
learn  righteousness !  So  manifest  a  display  of  the  Divine 
power,  disposes  the  mind  to  a  more  solemn  observance  of  the 
grand  event,  which  the  Church  this  day  commemorates.  Our 
risen  Saviour  has  all  power,  both  in  heaven  and  earth.  And, 
surely,  his  spiritual  kingdom  shall  be  advanced  by  the  great 
changes  in  the  kingdoms  of  this  world.  The  time  will  come, 
when  all  enemies  shall  be  put  under  his  feet.  Let  it  be  my 
business  to  fight  under  his  banner  against  sin  and  Satan." 
See  Ezekiel  xxxviii. 

Mrs.  Hawkes,  in  the  course  of  her  correspondence,  and 
especially  in  the  followinir  letters,  describes  very  clearly  her 
sentiments  on  the  subject  of  indwelling  sin,  quite  in  accordance 
with  the  statement  made  by  St.  Paul,  in  the  7th  chapter  of  his 
Epistle  to  the  Romans.  In  the  month  of  June,  1814,  writing 
to  her  friend  Mrs.  C tt,  she  says  : — 

"  I  can,  my  dear  friend,  feelingly  unite  in  the  complaints 
you  utter ;  for  I  loo  have  much  reason  to  fear  a  torpid  and 
lukewarm  state,  which  seems  to  be  the  chief  danger  of  such  as 


CHAP.  VII. FROM  A.  D.  1812  TO  1817.        239 

are  less  surrounded  with  temptations  from  external  objects. 
Persons  who  have  lived  long  enough  to  detect  the  snares  and 
follies  of  the  world,  and  all  its  vanities,  have  their  dangers 
from  other  quarters ; — for  to  dangers  we  shall  always  be  ex- 
posed while  we  are  inhabitants  of  a  depraved  world,  carryino- 
about  with  us  a  fallen  nature  ;  and  while  our  vigilant  adver- 
sary is  ever  on  the  watch  against  us.  For  my  own  part,  1 
feel  sometimes  quite  weary  with  looking  into  my  own  corrupt 
heart.  Ah,  I  say,  here  is  enough  to  do  to  weed  this  rank  soil ; 
— there  is  no  time  for  drowsiness.  Roots  of  bitterness,  that 
seemed  to  be  destroyed,  are  ever  putting  forth  their  buds  and 
branches,  in  a  thousand  dilTerent  appearances;  all  poisonous 
and  injurious  to  the  growth  of  grace.  In  this  work  I  should 
utterly  faint,  if  I  were  not  enabled  to  look  more  to  the  Good 
Husbandman  than  to  myself  for  success.  I  find  that  the  best 
way  to  have  corruptions  destroyed,  is  to  take  them  to  the  foot 
of  the  cross,  and  there  wait  the  purifying,  sanctifying,  and  re- 
newing virtue  of  that  precious  blood,  which  alone  procures  and 
maintains  our  peace  and  spiritual  life." 

To  the  same  friend,  at  another  time,  she  writes : — 

"  I  find  nothing  so  damping  and  impeding  to  this  work  of 
faith,  as  the  shoots  of  that  evil  root  of  bitterness,  indwelling 
sin.  Sin  puts  forth  its  poison  into  every  thing.  I  will  trans- 
cribe a  passage  on  this  subject  which  I  lately  met  with  in  the 
diary  of  a  most  eminent  and  godly  minister,  and  which  greatly 
pleased  me  ; — '  I  was  much  distressed,'  says  he,  '  by  my  dis- 
coveries of  the  remaining  power  of  indwelling  sin,  and  the  inva- 
sion of  sins  of  daily  infirmity  :  not  understanding  well  our  state 
here,  that  *'  If  any  man  say  he  has  no  sin,  he  deceives  him- 
self"— for  "  In  many  things  we  offend  all;" — neither  under- 
standing the  gracious  provision  made  for  this  case,  in  the  cove- 
nant of  grace,  the  daily  sacrifice; — i.  e.  the  daily  application 
to  the  throne  of  grace, — the  blood  of  the  atonement, — the 
"fountain  opened."  In  my  ignorance  1  essayed  to  humble 
myself  distinctly  for  every  one  of  my  failures: — but  I  found, 
had  I  followed  this  course,  my  whole  time  would  not  have 
sufficed.  Hereon,  the  Lord  led  me  to  that  course  a  worthy 
friend  advises  in  this  case  ; — I  was  fain  to  take  them  in  the 
lump,  or  rather  so  go  with  them  all  at  once,  and  plunge  my- 
self in  the  "  Fountain  opened  for  sin  and  unclcanncss."  \( 
any  one  grosser  sin  overtakes  us,  we  must  endeavour  a  dis- 
tinct recovery  and  intimation  of  pardon,  by  a  distinct  applica- 


240  '  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

tion  to  the  blood  of  sprinkling.  *  *  *  Herein  lies  one  of 
the  greatest  secrets  of  praciical  godliness,  and  the  highest  at- 
tainment of  close  walking  with  God,  to  come  daily  to  the  foun- 
tain and  wash,  and  yet  to  keep  up  as  great  a  reverence  for  this 
provision  of  forgiveness,  as  if  it  were  onct  only  to  be  had,  and 
no  more.'' 

"No  wonder,  my  dear  madam,  that  such  as  know  nothing 
of  the  gospel  method  of  salvation,  nor  the  constraining  influ- 
ence of  the  love  and  grace  of  Christ,  and  the  true  filial  fear  of 
a  child  of  God,  should  condemn  this  merciful  and  wonderful 
doctrine  of '  daily  washing,'  as  leading  to  licentiousness.  Such 
an  objection  was  started  as  early  as  the  days  of  the  Apostle; 
and  he  knew  how  to  answer  it.  In  the  same  way  does  every 
true  and  sincere  follower  of  Christ  answer  it,  boih  to  himself 
and  others.  The  branch  that  is  really  united  to  the  true  vine, 
and  that  lives  and  bears  fruit  by  virtue  of  this  union,  will  never, 
— from  that  root, — bring  forth  wild  and  sour  grapes.  But 
we  must  be  content  to  be  misunderstood  ;  as  we  are  content 
when  W'O  hear  a  blind  man  mistake  in  attempting  to  describe  a 
fine  prospect,  or  beautiful  colours;  and  w-e  must  turn  such 
mistakes  into  a  prayer,  that  the  eyes  of  their  understanding 
may  be  enlightened." 

Writing  to  a  young  friend  on  the  same  subject,  she  says, — 
*'  It  is  not  difficult  to  know  and  believe  theoreticaUy  that  the 
heart  is  deceitful  and  desperately  wicked;  but  to  feel  it,  to  trace 
really  its  secret  windings,  to  detect  how  sin  insinuates  itself 
into  our  motives,  designs,  objects,  thoughts,  prayers,  and  every 
action,  sleeping  andwakinp;:  and  on  that  account  truly  and 
sincerely  to  be  afraid  and  ashamed  to  lift  our  mouths  out 
of  the  dust,  because  we  are  vile,  and  because  we  cannot  open 
them  without  danger;  these  are  lessons  gradually  learnt  un- 
der the  teaching  of  the  Holy  Spirit,  in  the  various  means  He 
is  pleased  to  use ;  and  from  continual  occasions,  and  circum- 
stantial occurrences,  by  which,  as  in  a  glass,  an  enlightened, 
observant  eye,  obtains  important  discoveries  of  what  is  hidden 
within.  You  say,  you  abhor  yourself  because  you  are  proud  ; 
— and  so  do  I,  my  dear,  and  yet  I  am  proud  still.  But  we 
must  sentence  this  arch-fiend  to  die  the  death  of  crucifixion ; 
and  every  day  drive  in  a  fresh  nail,  and  pray  to  be  made  will- 
ing that  nails  should  be  driven  in  from  every  quarter,  till  it 
bleeds,  if  not  to  death,  (which  it  never  will  in  this  world,)  yet 
till  it  is  enfeebled  and  overcome  by  the  contrary  feelings  of 
self-abasement.     The  very  discipline  and  subjugation  of  your 


CHAP.  VII. FROM  A.  D.  1812  TO  1817.        241 

natural  abilities  to  the  humility  and  simplicity  of  a  little  child, 
will  constitute  one  part  of  that  obedience  of  faith,  which  is  so 
essential  to  the  Christian  character. 

"  You  made  me  smile  at  your  simplicity,  in  not  knowing 
what  you  should  pray  for  on  my  account.  Ah !  my  love,  I 
am  as  full  of  weakness,  want,  and  wickedness,  as  you  or  any 
other.  The  moment  I  cease  from  jylying  my  oars^  that  mo- 
ment spiritual  life  languishes.  I  need  your  prayers,  and  those 
of  all  others  who  will  bestow  such  a  kindness :  I  need  faith, 
patience,  humility,  holiness,  resignation,  and  entire  reliance 
upon  God  tor  life  and  for  death.  My  disease  much  increases; 
and  if  faith,  patience,  and  dependence  increase  not  accordingly, 
I  must  sink  under  my  load.  Therefore  you  now  know  what 
to  pray  for  :  and  be  assured,  you  have,  and  must  alway,'^  have, 
a  place  in  my  supplications." 

To  another  friend  she  writes  : — 

"  When  I  set  out,  above  thirty  years  ago,  on  my  pilgrimage 
Zion-ward,  though  encompassed  with  outward  trouble,  yet  like 
the  Ethiopian  eunuch  spoken  of  in  the  Acts,  I  was  enabled,  for 
a  few  years,  to  go  on  my  way  rejoicing.  But  as  my  voyage 
through  life's  tempestuous  ocean  has  been  lengthened,  and 
*  deep  is  still  calling  to  deep,'  till  heart  and  flesh  begin  to  fail,  I 
am  now  content  to  '  go  softly,'  wondering  and  ashamed  at  such 
depths  of  sin,  depravity  and  weakness,  which  varied  trials, 
temptations,  and  occasions  have  brought  out  to  my  view  ;  so 
that  now  I  am  constrained  to  cry  out,  '  Behold  I  am  vile,'  I  will 
henceforth  '  lay  my  hand  upon  my  mouth.'  I  dare  not,  how- 
ever, conceal  the  bright  parts  of  so  dark  a  picture,  lest  I  should 
be  guilty  of  ingratitude  to  that  infinite  and  gracious  God,  who 
only  strips  that  he  may  clothe,  and  wounds  that  he  may  heal. 
In  proportion  as  I  have  been  driven  from  all  peace  in  myself, 
and  all  rest  from  created  objects,  I  have  been  in  mercy  led  to 
the  ♦  Rock  that  is  higher  than  I,'  and  there  I  have  found  rest 
and  peace,  satisfying  and  abounding  :  so  that  nothing  ought  to 
be  uppermost  in  my  mind  but  wonder  and  praise,  for  ihe  mer- 
cies I  have  experienced,  and  the  surprising  favours  1  have  re- 
ceived ;  for  I  have  ever  had  '  songs  in  the  night,'  however 
dark." 

Mrs.  Hawkes's  sentiments  on  the  subject  of  indwelling  sin, 
are  still  more  strikingly  expressed  in  a  letter  to  Mrs.  Jones; 
21 


242  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

where  they  stand  in  connexlion  with  experiences  which  indi- 
cate great  advancement  in  the  divine  life.     She  writes : 

"  My  spiritual  mercies  are  very  great ;  for  the  Lord  is 
pleased,  in  his  wonderful  condescension,  to  draw  my  soul  to  live 
upon  him,  in  a  measure  beyond  what,  considering  my  own 
vileness  and  ingratitude  towards  him,  1  durst  ask  or  think.  I 
sometimes  hope  he  is  giving  me  a  foretaste  of  heaven  ;  for 
which  I  cannot  but  long,  notwithstanding  I  shrink  at  passing 
through  the  river.  How  often  does  my  heart  sing,  over  and 
over,  those  words, 

'  Fear  him,  ye  saints,  and  you  will  then 
Have  nothing  else  to  fear.' 

Thus  he  giveth  me  *  songs  in  the  night ;'  and  nights  of  such 
pain  as  makes  me,  at  some  intervals,  groan  aloud.  But  bles- 
sed be  his  name,  he  does  not  suffer  me  to  murmur.  Nature 
may  groan  and  cry  aloud  ;  but  woe  be  to  the  heart  that  mur- 
murs under  such  an  aggregate  of  mercies  as  mine.  But  alas! 
there  is  yet  left  a  '  root  of  bitterness'  not  destroyed.  It  is  checked, 
it  is  kept  under,  but  the  life  is  still  in  it ;  and  but  for  the  power 
of  grace  it  would,  like  the  horrible  Hydra,  that  many-headed 
serpent,  send  forth  its  hellish  hissings.  It  is  the  poison  of  that 
foul  spirit  that  made  war  in  heaven,  because  he  would  be  inde- 
pendent. '  Let  this  mind  be  in  you  that  was  in  Christ  Jesus;' 
and  what  was  that  mind  ?  Ah  !  to  trace  it  through  all  its  beau- 
tiful exemplifications,  and  then  compare  it  with  my  own,  either 
past  or  present  experience,  brings  me  to  the  foot  of  the  cross 
in  shame,  and  utter  self-abhorrence;  and  no  prayer  seems  to 
suit  me  so  well  as  that  of  the  publican  !" 

In  the  month  of  November,  1814,  Mrs.  Hawkes  writes  to 
another  friend  as  follous  :  — 

"  I  have  been  visited  by  Dr.  Sims, — but  vain  is  the  help  of 
man.  How  unspeakable  is  our  mercy  that  we  have,  at  all 
times,  help  in  God.  Our  hope  in  him,  is  indeed  an  anchor 
which  keeps  us  from  being  driven  by  the  waves.  You,  my  suf- 
fering sister  and  friend,  are  wonderfully  enabled  to  bear  your 
testimony  to  the  sufficiency  of  Divine  grace  :  and  while  you 
are  seeking  to  honour  your  blessed  Master  he  is  pleased  to 
honour  your  faith,  by  making  you  a  witness  of  his  power,  love, 
and  faithfulness.     It  comforts  and  encourages  my  heart,  to  see 


CHAP.  VII. FROM  A.  D.  1812  TO  1817.        243 

that  truly  he  makes  your  '  shoes  to  be  iron  and  brass,' — for  1 
think,  you  have  as  trying  and  perplexing  a  path  as  any  one  1 
ever  knew  :  and  the  wisdom  and  faith  which  is  vouchsafed  to 
you  is,  most  evidently,  his  special  gift.  Continue  thus  to  hold 
fasten  God,  and  you  will  never  sink.  Maintain  continual  com- 
munion  and  intercourse  with  him,  and  hard  things  shall  be 
made  easy.     This  is  the  secret — to  live  by  faith. 

"  1  do  not  think  that  either  you  or  I  have  far  to  seek  as  to  the 
«  cause  of  our  afflictions.'     We  may  find  an  answer  in  our  de- 
ceitful hearts,  and  depraved  nature  ;  and  especially  if  we  enter 
deeply  into  the  examination  of  what  sin  is.     Many  persons  are 
apt  to  consider  of  sin,  in  the  act  only  ;  whereas,  this  is  to  have 
but  a  very  slight  and  superficial  view  of  it.     Nay,  we  must  go 
deeper  than  even  to  our  own   inward  feelings  of  its  motions 
and  risings  :  we  must  consider  it  in  its  original  poison  and  mis- 
chief, as  it  contaminates  our  nature,  as  it  flows  in  our  veins, 
and  grows  in  our  growth  ;  and  it  must  be  the  business  of  our 
lives  to  enter  into  the  design  of  God,  and  to  be  co-workers 
with  him,  in  its  utter  destruction.     Yet  after  all,  we  must  re- 
member, that  the  leprosy  will  not  be  wholly  extirpated  till  the 
'mortal  put  on  immortality.'     An   old   divine  remarks,  that 
'  We  may  have  a  sinful  impatience,  as  to  those  sinful  infirmi- 
ties, that  will  ever  trouble  us  while  we  are  in  the  body.'     It  is 
the  Divine  Will  that  nature  and  grace  should  exist  together, 
though  there  must  be  a  perpetual  war  between  them  ;  and  if 
God  has  patience  with  what  he  hates  far  more  than  we  do,  let 
us  also  learn  to  exercise  patience  with  ourselves.     And  while 
■we  give  no  place  to  the  devil,  and  no  encouragement  to  sin, 
yet  let  us  be   wise  and  patient  in  the  fight,  and  use  only  holy 
weapons  in  our  opposition.     The  main  effect  of  the  discovery 
of  sin,  when  attended   by  the   teaching  of  the  Holy  Spirit,  is 
that  of  deep  penitence,  humiliation,  and   resignation.     Hence 
proceed  love,  patience,  and  tenderness   towards  the  failings  of 
others.     And  what  can  produce  fruits  so  contrary  to  our  proud 
hearts,  but  that  culture  of  the  Divine  Husbandman,  who  uses 
the  best  means  for  the  best  ends.     Among  other  means,  that 
of  ajfliction  seems  to  be  one  by  which  he  frequently  chooses 
to  operate.     Did  you  ever  read,  or  hear,  or  know  of  any  em- 
inent saint,  that  was  not  trained  in  the  school  of  afiliction  ? 
Then,  is  not  your  question  answered,  as  lo  what  is  the  cause  ? 
It  assuredly  ought  to  be,  and  will  bo,  the  prayer  of  every  hon- 
est heart,  'Search  me,  O  God,  and  try  me:  and  see  if  there 
be  any  wicked  way  in  me ;' — any  secret  reserves,  any  sins  of 
ignorance,  and   lodi>ments  of  selt-dcceit ; — and  these  are  dis- 


244  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.  HAWKES. 

covered  to  us  by  the  various  circumstances  and  occasions  of 
life,  that  draw^  out  one  corruption  and  another,  which  we  had 
no  idea  existed.  I  am  sure,  such  discoveries  are  made  to  me 
of  the  sins  of  my  past  life,  and  of  what  in  me  yet  remains  to 
be  renewed,  that  I  am  constrained  to  cry  hard  for  faith,  to  see 
that  the  remedy  is  fully  adequate  to  the  disease,  or  I  could  not 
sustain  the  view.  I  never  dare  ask  for  a  sight  of  my  sins, 
without  at  the  same  time  asking  for  a  full  appropriation  of  the 
Saviour.  IMy  question  is  not.  Wherefore  am  I  so  greatly  af- 
flicted ?  but,  Why  am  1  not  afflicted  more?  And  the  answer  is, 
— because  He  is  rich  in  mercy,  and  considers  we  are  dust,  and 
will  not  correct  us  so  as  that  the  spirit  should  fail.  You  and  I 
have  every  encouragement  to  hope,  that  God  will  perfect  that 
uhich  concerneth  us.  We  have  the  witness  in  our  own  bo- 
soms that  the  method  of  cure  is  most  exactly  suited  to  the  dis- 
ease. Why  are  we  put  into  mortifying  circumstances,  but  to 
destroy  pride?  and  so  on,  through  every  trial,  we  may  learn 
our  malady. 

"  In  your  remark  upon  the  duty  of  feeling  a  spirit  of  love  to 
all,  independent  of  any  exterior  or  mental  qualifications,  I  am 
not  sure  that  I  understand  you.  That  we  ought  to  possess 
such  Christian  benevolence,  as  should  enable  us  to  promote  the 
good  of  others,  make  us  patient  and  tender  towards  their  fail- 
ings, and  meekly  bear  their  unkindness  towards  us,  is  most 
certain.  But  that  we  should  be  able  really  to  love  equally 
one  with  another,  is  what  1  suppose  you  do  not  mean. 

*'  You  say,  you  want  to  know  how,  through  my  long  trials, 
I  have  been  conquering  self  in  every  shape.  Ah  !  my  dear 
friend,  you  use  a  \vrong  term.  I,  alas  !  liave  only  been 
fighting  against  self,  but  am  still  very  far  from  being  a  con- 
queror ;  and  I  am  thankful  to  say,  as  you  do,  '  Jesus  shows 
me  my  strength  is  in  him  ;  and  my  desire  and  aim  is,  to  be 
as  a  little  child.  When  1  want  to  act,  I  go  to  him  for  wisdom 
and  strength.  If  I  feel  anger,  I  run  to  him,  and  show  it  him  ; 
when  I  feel  pride  rising  upon  any  occasion,  1  go  to  him  and 
confess  it.  To  him  I  take  every  sin  as  it  stirs, — every  want — 
ever}''  desponding  thought.  To  him  1  go  for  every  good 
thought,  every  good  desire,  every  good  word  and  work ;  cry- 
ing. Lord  help  me  in  this, — Lord  help  me  in  the  other.  It  is 
thy  grace  alone  that  can  produce  any  thing  in  me.  What  else 
is  meant  by  '  Christ  living  in  me  and  I  in  him.'  It  is  by  this 
simple  faith  that  we  must  bring  forth  good  works  ;  and  to  ob- 
tain it,  we  must  urge  and  plead  the  promises.  '  Having  these 
promises,  let  us  cleanse  ourselves.'     How  are  we  to  be  'trans- 


CHAP,  VII. FROM  A.  D.  1812  TO  1817.        245 

formed  in  the  spirit  ofonr  minds,'  and  to  bo  '  changed  info  his 
imafTo  from  glory  to  glory?'  not  by  looking  within^  but  by 
*  looking  to  Jesus,'  by  looking  through  the  glass  that  shows 
him  to  us, — even  his  blessed  word.  I  am  thankful  you  arc 
tauofht  not  to  look  at  second  causes.  May  you  grow  more  and 
more  perfect  in  this  lesson  ;  it  is  the  only  one  to  produce  peace 
of  mind,  as  to  outward  things.  In  great  matters  it  is  com- 
paratively easy  to  do  this:  but  in  small  things,  1  feel  my  sad 
propensity  to  deviate  from  the  rule." 

At  the  close  of  the  year  1814,  some  apprehensions  were  ex- 
cited in  Mrs.  H.iwkes's  mind  lest  she  should  be  obliged  to 
leave  her  very  convenient  apartments  in  Penton  Place.  But 
her  continuance  in  ihem  was  providentially  overruled  to  bring 
about  an  important  and  interesting  event,  which  will  be  de- 
scribed in  its  proper  place.  Under  licr  present  fears  she 
writes  the  following  memorandum; — 

Dec.  19,  1814 "My  old  and  sinful  infirmity  of  forebod- 
ings of  approaching  trouble,  again  besets  me.  Another  cloud 
darkens  my  wintery  sky  ;  and  like  a  very  weakling,  I  shrink 
from  fresh  disturbances,  and  from  new,  or  rather  the  repetition 
of  old  troubles.  I  have  been  favoured  with  three  years  of 
much  quiet  and  comfort  in  this  family,  and  do  not  like  the 
puttiniT  out  to  sea  again.  A  Christian  friend  said  to  me  to-day, 
that  his  watch-word  through  all  his  ditRculties  and  trials  was, 
<  Thy  will  be  done.'  Let  this  be  mine,  and  then  every  oppos- 
ing principle  will  be  done  away  ;  and  to  stay  or  to  go,  will  be 
alike  easy.     '  Commit  thy  way  unto  the  Lord.' 

"  If  Nehemiah  said  'Shall  such  a  man  as  I  flee?'  May  not 
I,  with  such  an  inventory  of  past  mercies,  through  twenty 
years  of  pain  and  poverty,  say  also,  '  Shall  such  a  one  as  [ 
faint  because  fresh  troubles  arise  V  Yes,  Lord,  unless  upheld 
by  thy  mighty  power;  unless  strengthened  by  fresh  supplies 
of  grace;  I  shall  yet  faint,  even  while  I  am  constrained  to  take 
shame  to  myself  in  so  doing.  Not  one  thing  have  I  lacked 
that  was  realy  needful,  for  all  these  years.  Yet  it  is  only  by 
the  assistance  of  thy  grace  that  I  can  gather  real  support  and 
comfort  from  past  mercies.  O  keep  me  from  the  ingratitude 
of  unbelief,  and  doubting." 

In  the  year  1815,  IMrs.  Hawkes  suffered  with  continual  in- 
flamation   in   her  eyes,  which  though  it  rendered  correspon- 
dence difficult,  did  not  prevent  her  from  endeavouring  to  con- 
tinue  her  epistolary  exertions.     In   the  following  letter  to  a 
21* 


246  MEMOIRS  or  mrs.  hawkes. 

young  friend,  she  offers  some  striking  remarks  upon  the  evil 
of  giving  loose  to  a  roving  imagination, — especially  upon  re- 
ligious subjects: — 

"  Thank  you,  my  love,  for  giving  me  credit  for  what  is 
really  the  fact,  that  I  would  have  written  sooner  if  I  could. 
My  eyes  have  been  as  bad  as  ever,  and  I  have  much  pain  in 
my  head.  I  seem  to  become  more  and  more  oppressed  daily. 
And  as  to  company  !  my  visitors  have  been  more  numerous 
than  ever ;  so  that  day  after  day,  I  have  no  sooner  taken  up 
my  pen,  than  I  have  been  obliged  to  put  it  down  again.  I 
could,  indeed,  write  in  the  morning  before  I  rise :  but  that  time 
is  devoted,  and  dedicated,  and  I  never  will  infringe  upon  it ;  or 
rather,  I  pray,  I  never  may, — unless  it  be  on  occasions  of 
almost  life  and  death  ;  for  I  am  sure  the  life  and  comfort  of 
my  soul  are  inseparably  connected  with  keeping  that  sacred 
hour  from  being  hurried,  or  rendered  unprofitable  by  thieves 
and  intruders.  The  regulator  must  be  looked  to,  morning  and 
night  at  least,  or  all  will  soon  be  wrong.  '  Seven  limes  a  day' 
was  David  found  in  this  important  work ;  and  seven  times  a 
day,  should  we  catch  a  sort  of  '  parenthesis,'  to  breathe  a  sigh 
of  praying  breath  to  heaven.  The  gentlest  breath  will  reach 
His  ear;  for  it  is  ever  open  to  our  cry. 

*'  What  an  extraordinary  dream  was  yours !  so  connected. 
I  am  sorry  for  it,  because  it  goes  into  the  altogether  to  produce 
the  pensive,  which  is  dangerous  if  it  predominates.  I  recom- 
mend you  to  do  what  1,  through  fear,  am  invariably  driven  to, 
namely,  to  make  it  one  part  of  sincere  and  fervent  prayer,  in 
my  evening  devotions,  that  my  Divine  Protector  will  not  suffer 
either  Satan,  or  any  of  his  evil  agents,  to  approach  my  imagi- 
nation, or  any  of  those  faculties  of  my  mind  approachable  by 
evil  spirits,  so  as  to  stir  up  any  unholly  thoughts,  or  produce 
any  sinful  impressions.  Whatever  leaves  on  the  mind  any 
evil  or  earthly  tendency,  must  be  from  an  enemy.  Now  we 
must  put  all  our  enemies,  great  and  small,  into  ihe  hands  of 
Him  who  alone  can  bind  them  with  his  strong  chain.  The 
imagination  is  a  faculty  less  under  our  control  than  any  other ; 
and  to  have  this  sanctified,  should  be  our  earnest  supplication. 
We  should  deny  it  fresh  supplies,  watch  against  old  traces, 
and  endeavour  to  bring  in  higher  objects  to  employ  it.  Our 
good  friend,  Dr.  F.  says  in  a  letter,  '  How  often  have  1  sate 
burning  my  shins  before  the  fire,  absorbed  in  contempla- 
tion, and  warming  myself  by  the  sparks  of  my  own  imagina- 
tion.'    I  have  been  as  far  as  he,  or  any  one  else,  in  this 


CHAP.  VII. — FROM  A.  D.  1812  TO  1817-      247 

Utopian  world.  In  all  cases  it  is  dangerous,  but  in  religion  it 
is  destroying.  The  two  subjects  of  our  contemplation  should 
be,  the  Scriptures,  and  what  they  lead  to, — namely,  the 
knowledge  of  our  God  and  Saviour,  and  the  knowledge  of  our- 
selves. In  these  the  Holy  Spirit  is  our  Teacher.  Now  in  the 
instance  of  tutor  and  pupii,  we  know  what  course  is  most  suc- 
cessful. On  the  pupil's  part,  there  must  be  not  only  capacity — 
design — intention  ;  but  there  must  be  deep  and  undivided  at- 
tention. Nothing  whatever  must  intrude  on  any  one  given 
lesson,  or  we  shall  sustain  loss.  So  it  is  with  you,  and  me, 
when  we  take  up  our  Bibles  to  meditate  therein  :  we  first  pray 
to  the  Holy  Spirit  to  teach  us,  and  He  condescends  to  be  ready 
at  our  request.  And  what  does  He  require,  but  a  deep,  sacred 
attention;  an  entire  yielding  of  ourselves  to  his  instructions. 
We  must  as  much  as  possible,  divest  ourselves  of  our  own 
thoughts  ;  we  must  chain  ourselves  to  the  pure  words  of  Scrip- 
ture ;  we  must  try  our  meditations  by  this  standard.  The  less 
that  imagination  has  to  do  in  it,  the  better.  It  is  truth  we  are 
pursuing  ;  '  Make  my  heart  sound  in  thy  statutes.'  '  Teach  me 
good  judgment  and  knowledge.'  '  The  word  of  the  Lord  is 
pure.'  In  proportion  as  we  lean  to  our  own  understanding, 
and  kindle  sparks  of  our  own  about  us,  our  Divine  Teacher  is 
grieved,  and  retires.  This  has  been  the  error  of  the  mystics, 
and  perhaps  led  the  way  to  all  the  nonsense  of  Jacob  Behmen. 
There  are  some  minds  more  in  danger  this  way  than  others, — 
and  even  the  same  minds,  in  different  seasons,  ages,  and  cir- 
cumstances. If  the  mind  has  naturally  a  romantic  tendency, 
we  must  be  very  watchful,  self-denying,  self-suspicious,  and 
thoroughly  sincere.  At  first  v/e  may  find  this  hard  work. 
Self-denial  is  hard  work  in  all  cases;  and  most  of  all,  in  men- 
talities, and  spiritualities.  To  cast  down  imaginations,  and 
bring  every  thought  into  subjection  ;  to  teach  our  understand- 
ing to  humble  and  submit  itself;  to  be  willing  to  be  a  fool  in 
order  to  become  wise ; — will  require  us  to  pray  earnestly,  and 
constantly,  for  all  sufficient  grace. 

"  Farewell,  my  love  ;  may  every  blessing  be  yours;  may 
you  be  like  the  palm-tree,  whose  roots  strike  very  deep;  like 
an  evergreen,  which  no  frost,  nor  wind,  nor  sun,  nor  rain  af- 
fects ;  may  you  ever  be  willing  to  give  up  talent,  refinement, 
genius, — every  delicacy  m  a  lordly  dish, — for  the  true  bread  of 
life,  in  however  homely  a  way  it  may  be  served.  Keep 
always  the  crucible  in  your  hand,  to  distinguish  gold  from 
alloy.     The  simple,  holy,  humble  Christian,  most  resembles 


248  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

his  Divine  Master  ;  one  who  is  like  the  King's  daughter,  all 
glorious  within,  desiring  only  to  be  weli-pleasing  in  his  sight, 
whose  favour  is  better  than  life." 

"Yours  ever,  and  ever. 

"S.  H." 

To  another  friend  she  writes,  in  the  month  of  May,  1815, 
as  follows  : — 

"  I  find  great  benefit  in  taking  sometimes  one  promise,  and 
sometimes  another,  to  the  Great  Promiser,  and  imploring  him 
to  give  me  power  to  believe  it,  and  practically  to  build  and 
rest  upon  it  in  every  exigence  and  distress.  Blessed  be  his 
name,  He  gives  me  wonderfully  to  experience  that  such  a  suit 
shall  not  be  made  in  vain.  An  involuntary  enquiry  will  some- 
times put  itself  forth,  '  Plov/  long,  Lord,  shall  these  afflictions 
last?  They  have  continued  a  long  season;  5^ear  after  year 
have  1  looked  for  the  promised  deliverance; — how  long,  Lord? 
are  thy  mercies  clean  gone  for  ever?  '  But  let  us  remember, 
that  while  we  are  allov/ed,  nay  invited  and  encouraged,  humbly 
to  plead  with  him,  yet  we  must  not  limit,  nor  dictate  as  to  time 
or  measure.  Let  us  not  accustom  our  minds  to  dwell  upon 
the  long  or  the  short ;  we  must  not  take  the  m.easuring  line  of 
days,  months,  or  years,  with  Him  to  whom  past,  present,  and 
to  come,  are  one  and  the  same.  It  is  his  sacred  design  and 
purpose  towards  us,  at  which  we  must  look  ; — it  is  by  the  pro- 
gress of  our  cure,  and  healing,  that  we  must  measure.  And 
we  know  that  so  inveterate  are  our  diseases,  that  to  recover  us. 
is  a  mighty  work.  It  is  true,  a  sovereign  power  might,  if  he 
saw  good,  complete  the  work  in  us  at  any  period  of  our  lives 
that  he  pleased, — but  since  he  works  according  to  the  counsel 
of  his  own  almighty  wisdom,  and  will, — and  since  he  has  or- 
dained means,  and  various  providential  dispensations,  to  ac- 
complish his  designs  of  mercy  and  grace  in  us, — let  us  simply 
yield  ourselves  to  God,  and  lie  in  his  hands,  as  clay  in  the 
hands  of  the  potter.  And  let  us  refresh  our  souls  by  looking 
to  the  great  cloud  of  witnesses,  with  which  we  are  encompassed. 
We  are  led  by  the  same  hand  that  led  Abraham,  Isaac,  and  Ja- 
cob. We  are  under  the  same  almighty  protection  that  was 
over  the  children  of  Israel  while  thev  sojourned  in  the  wilder- 
ness. The  eleventh  cha|)ter  of  the  Hebrews  gives  us  an  ani- 
mating view  of  the  victorious  power  of  faith.  We  are  not 
called  to  such  fiery  trials  and  conflicts  as  they  were, — yet  they 


CHAP.  VII. FROM  A.  D.  1812,  TO  1817.       249 

were  able  to  triumph  over  all ;  and  so  shall  we  also,  by  the 
same  Divine  power.  Even  Jesus,  our  glorious  head,  conde- 
scended to  bear  such  suflerings  as  the  strongest  of  his  mem- 
bers must  have  sunk  under.  Let  us  therelbre  look  at  Him, 
the  author  and  the  fmisher  ofour  faith,  that  we  faint  not,  neither 
be  weary.  He  will  give  us  fresh  supplies  of  grace,  moment 
after  moment ;  and  when  our  hearts  begin  to  droop,  and  our 
eyes  fail  with  looking  upwards,  if  w^e  can  but  look  with  the 
eye  of  faith,  we  shall  receive  invigoration  and  strength  accord- 
ing to  our  need.  This,  you  and  1  have  already  experienced. 
Indeed  I  can  propose  no  new  idea  to  you,  nor  impart  any  new 
secret; — nor  do  we  need  new  things,  it  is  only  to  have  old 
truths  brought  before  our  minds  more  vividly,  and  with  more 
lively  impressions. 

"  Thus  it  is  in  studying  the  Scriptures,  hearing  sermons, 
reading,  and  conversation, — we  look  for,  and  receive,  new  illu- 
mination and  influence  from  the  shining  of  the  Holy  Spirit  upon 
old  truths.  All  I  can  say  is,  what  I  have  often  repeated,  that 
I  find  the  only  way  of  getting  on,  is  to  live  by  the  day.  I 
should,  even  now,  utterly  faint,  if  I  suffered  myself  to  look  be- 
yond the  day,  or  enquire,  'how  long  shall  these  trials  last?' 
and  if  I  did  not  constantly  endeavour  to  keep  my  eye  fixed 
upon  that  power  and  goodness,  that  in  one  moment,  if  it  pleased 
Him,  could  change  the  whole  course  of  our  affairs.  I  often 
say  with  her  of  old,  <Thou,  Lord,  seest  me:'  thou  seest  me 
struggling  with  this  wave,  and  conflicting  with  the  other  ; — and 
thou  hast  all  power  both  in  heaven  and  in  earth ; — thou  hast 
only  to  speak  the  word,  and  every  difficulty  shall  be  removed 
in  an  instant :  therefore  that  my  trials  continue,  can  only  be 
resolved  into  thy  will.  Thus,  let  us  really,  and  practically, 
set  the  Lord  always  before  us ;  let  us  expect  great  things,  and 
hope  to  the  end  ;  remembering  how  light  all  will  appear,  the 
moment  we  set  our  foot  on  that  bright  shore  where  no  sorrow 
can  follow  us.  I  believe  that  pride,  and  independence  of  spirit, 
with  some  other  peculiar  evils  of  the  heart,  can  only  be  cured 
by  sanctified  afllictions.  Let  us  therefore  learn  of  the  apostle 
to  '  cownt  tliem  happy  that  endure.'  Though  I  know  but  little, 
as  I  ought  to  know,  of  humiliation,  submission,  and  deep  self- 
abasement,  yet  that  little  yields  me  more  peace  and  real  satis- 
faction, than  I  ever  found  in  the  gratification  of  my  proudest 
and  fondest  wishes.  Ah,  it  is  sweet  to  lie  as  a  humble  peni- 
tent at  the  feet  of  Jesus,  and  to  say  from  the  heart,  '  Give  me 
thyself,' — let  me  be  a  living,  fruitful  branch  in  Thee,  the  true 
vine, — and  then  deal   with  me  as  scemeth  good  in  thy  sight.' 


250  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

I  verily  believe,  there  is  no  such  close  communion  and  con- 
verse with  Gt)cl,  as  when  we  are  under  his  immediate  disci- 
pline: — and  to  obtain  such  a  delightful  intercourse,  what  cost 
is  too  high  ? 

"  Do  not,  my  dear  friend,  fear  any  thing  which  you  may  be 
called  to  pass  through,  while  you  can  keep  up  communion 
and  intercourse  with  your  gracious  Saviour.  Do  not  go  to 
meet  trouble,  but  wait  quietly  through  every  turning  and  wind- 
ing of  his  dispensations.  Do  not  plan  beforehand  what  you 
shall  do  in  this  or  that  case, — but  have  one  simple  determinate 
plan, — namely,  to  live  by  fi\ith  on  an  unchangeable  friend." 

About  this  time  Mrs.  Jones  wrote  to  her  sister,  requesting 
some  thoughts  on  faith  and  dependence.  The  following  is  an 
extract  from  Mrs.  Hawkes's  letter  in  reply  : — 

"  My  dear  sister  asks  for  '  scraps  on  faith  and  dependence.' 
I  could  send  her  some,  if  I  had  time  and  strength  to  extract 
them  from  a  rich  old  author  I  am  reading ;  for  it  is  to  the 
Fathers  in  Christ  that  we  must  go  for  these  things.  I  some- 
times have  the  presumption  to  think  I  know  a  little  of  the 
sweetness  of  child-like  dependence  and  faith;  and  as  far  as  I 
do  know  any  thing  of  them,  1  experience  their  value.  But  I 
reproach  myself  whenever  I  venture  to  speak  of  such  things. 
When,  by  the  eye  of  faith,  we  contemplate  the  riches,  and 
beauty,  and  glory,  that  dwell  in  Christ,  we  may  indulge  and 
expatiate  without  fear  of  exceeding  the  mark  :  but  when  we 
begin  to  speak  of  the  grace  drawn  from  Him,  and  received  into 
the  unclean  vessel  of  a  sinful  heart, — where  it  soon  loses  its 
purity,  and  becomes  sullied  and  weakened, — then  one  fears  to 
speak  about  it.  Jesus,  and  his  power,  and  love,  and  beauty, 
is  the  only  theme  that  we  can  talk  of  with  safety.  I  often  blame 
myself  when  I  venture  to  speak  of  my  own  experience,  since 
it  is  a  book,  of  which,  if  you  exhibit  the  bright  parts  only,  you 
mislead  ;  and  as  to  the  dark  parts,  they  cannot  be  understood, 
because  you  cnnnot  give  the  feeling,  and  interior  sense.  The 
book  of  my  own  life  is  to  me  a  constant  wonder  ;  but  it  is  im- 
possible any  one  should  read  it  but  myself.  One  thing  how- 
ever 1  know,  that  they  who  live  nearest  the  Saviour  are  rich  ; 
and  had  I  so  lived,  1  should  now  be  like  a  tree  richly  laden, 
and  should  know  something  of  the  heights  and  depths,  and 
length  and  breadth,  of  the  love  of  Christ ;  but  fool-like,  a  thou- 
sand things  have  diverted  my  attention,  and  drawn  my  heart 
and  thoughts  aside ;  and  now  I  am  no  more  than  a  poor  bram- 
ble ;  I  am,  however,  seeking  fruit  from  the  '  Green  fir-tree,* 
and  1  hope  that  my  withered  branch  will  yet  have  some  green- 


CHAP.  VII. FROM  A.  D.  1812  TO  1817.        251 

ness,  some  blossoms  in  old  age  and  infirmity.  I  trust  1  am 
learning  to  go  to  Him  with  all  my  filthy  polluted  rags,  (with 
some  1  have  called  holy,  which  were  perhaps  the  vilest  of 
them,)  and  exchange  them  for  that  spotless  robe,  which  shall 
tit  me  to  appear  in  Mis  presence. 

"  I  am  comforted  by  your  remarks  under  my  self-reproaches. 
When  he  who  loved  the  church,  shall  present  it  to  himself  a 
glorious  church,  not  having  spot  or  wrinkle  or  any  such  thing, 
— all  shame  shall  be  done  away.  Till  then  1  will  keep  my 
sins  in  my  sight  to  humble  me,  and  to  shut  my  mouth  from 
boasting,  censuring,  or  complaining  ;  and  to  exalt  that  redeem- 
ing love,  that  has  wrought  out  such  a  salvation.  Ah,  if  sal- 
vation be  so  inexhaustible  a  subject  now,  what  will  be  its  glo- 
ry when  we  shall  see  its  wonders  in  eternity  !  O  baseness 
and  carnality  of  heart,  ever  to  dwell  on  any  other  theme !  Alas, 
alas,  the  feebleness  of  humanity  ! 

Mrs.  Hawkes  notices  the  termination  of  this  year  in  the  fol- 
lowing manner : — 

Dec.  1815. — "At  the  close  of  this  year,  I  would  set  up 
another  Ebenezer  of  praise, — for  the  Lord  hath  helped  me. 
He  did  enable  me  to  close  the  last  year  at  the  footstool  of  his 
mercy,  and  there  to  spend  the  first  hour  of  the  year  now  past. 
He  has  condescended  to  keep  that,  which  He  gave  me  faith  to 
commit  unto  Him  ;  and  if  this  year  has  had  new  trials,  and 
increased  sufferings,  it  has  had  renewed  mercies,  and  a  great 
increase  of  peace  of  soul.  I  have  had  this  year,  one  very  re- 
markable answer  to  prayer  respecting  temporals  ;  and  in  all 
that  I  have  cried  unto  Him  for,  the  Lord  hath  mercifully  in- 
clined his  ear,  and  heard  me  for  his  own  name's  sake.  '  He  is 
faithful  who  has  promised.'  He  is  found  of  them  that  seek 
him.  He  is  my  rock,  and  under  the  shadow  of  his  wings  will 
1  trust." 

In  the  course  of  the  year  181G,  a  favour  was  conferred  on 
Mrs.  Hawkes,  the  importance  of  which  can  only  be  fully 
known  in  the  light  of  eternity.  It  pleased  God,  at  that  time,  to 
seal  her  zealous  endeavours  to  do  good  to  the  souls  of  others, 
by  the  remarkable  conversion  of  Mr.  Vaughan, — a  gentleman 
in  whose  house  Mrs.  Hawkes  had  been  for  several  years  re- 
siding.*    The  very  interesting  memorials  of  Mr.  Vaughan's 


'  See  page  245. 


252  ME3I0IKS  OF  Y.I15.  HAV/KES. 

conversion,  while  confined  to  a  bed  of  languishing,  with  the 
account  of  his  subsequent  joy  and  peace  in  believing, — his  as- 
surance of  hope, — his  patience  in  suffering, — and  his  final  tri- 
umph over  death, — have  long  since  been  given  to  the  public, 
in  a  small  volume  edited  by  Mr.  Hodson,  (secretary  to  the  Lon- 
don Missionary  Society,)  who  united  his  efforts  with  those  of 
Mrs.  Hawkes,  to  promote  Mr.  Vaughan's  spiritual  benefit. 

Mrs.  Hawkes  thus  apprizes  a  friend  and  relative  of  Mr. 
Vaughan's  decease ; — 

"My  dear  M- 


Our  friend  Vaughan  '  liveth.^  He  ceased  to  breathe  yes- 
terday about  five  o'clock.  I  saw  him  depart  as  peacefully  as 
a  sleeping  infant.  I  must  not  stay  to  tell  you  his  sweet  say- 
ings, save  one.  About  half  an  hour  before  his  death,  he  said 
'  I  am  dying,' — and  soon  after  added,  '1  am  in  the  high  road 
to  heaven.'  Ah,  thither  he  is  gone,  and  washed  his  robes  in 
the  blood  of  the  Lamb  !  Glory  and  praise  to  In's  holy  name 
who,  even  in  the  eleventh  hour,  snatched  him  '  as  a  brand 
from  the  burning.'  So  rare  an  instance  of  sovereign  mercy, 
will,  I  dare  say,  be  drawn  up  in  a  little  memorial,  by  his  kind 
an  unwearied  instructor,  Mr.  Hodson.  About  nine  in  the 
morning,  when  he  was  struck  with  death,  he  said,  '  Call  for 
Mrs.  Hawkes— she  will  help  me.'  Dear  creature,  he  had  a 
better  helper,  even  one  who  is  Almighty  I  May  this  helper  be 
yours,  and  mine,  in  the  same  trying  hour  !  for,  oh !  how  aw- 
ful is  the  seizure  of  that  invisible,  last  enemy,  sitting  in  tri- 
umph over  the  body,  which  is  all  over  which  he  can  have 
power  !  "  Farewell, 

"  S.  H." 

The  following  memorandum,  written  at  the  close  of  the  year, 
refers  to  the  same  interesting  event : — 

Penion  Place,  Dec.  1816. — "No  words  can  express,  no 
numbers  can  recount,  the  favours  and  mercies  of  this  now  de- 
parting year, — both  temporal  and,  especially,  spiritual.  My 
body  is,  indeed,  decaying  fast ;  but  this  is  mercy.  My  soul 
is,  I  trust,  ripening  for  the  approaching  sickle.  The  favour 
that  has  been  vouchsafed  at  the  close  of  so  unprofitable  a  life, 
— namely,  to  be  used  as  an  instrument  for  the  salvation  of  one 
soul, — forms  a  bright  spot  in  my  clouded  sky,  which  shall 
cheer  my  remaining  steps  through  this  wilderness. 


CHAP.  VII FROM  A.  D.   1812  TO  1817.  *^53 

"  My  anxiety,  my  prayers,  my  tears  for  the  conversion  of 
Ihis  now  departed  friend, — in  themselves  poor,  feeble,  and 
worthless, — are  in  that  book,  and  in  that  bottle,  which  are  kept 
on  high.  Ps.  Ivi.  8.  Yet  in  this  blessed  work,  1  count  my- 
self no  more  than  a  hewer  of  wood,  and  a  drawer  of  water  : 
but  that  is  honour  and  happiness  enough.  To  my  esteemed 
friend,  Mr.  Hodson,  under  God  belongs  the  palm  ;  and  that  I 
was  the  means  of  obtaining  his  attendance  on  our  deceased 
friend,  is  sufficient  for  my  comfort.  I  have  myself  reaped  a 
rich  harvest  of  instructions,  admonitions,  and  prayers,  and 
praises  which,  every  evening,  for  many  weeks,  have  been  so 
richly,  so  kindly,  so  unweariedly  afforded  ;  they  have  been 
blessed  to  my  soul;  and  the  savour  thereof,  will,  I  trust,  re- 
main until  I  join  the  late  happy  convert  in  that  new  song,  which 
he  has  begun  before  me,  in  the  realms  of  bliss. 

"  The  old  christian  who  has,  by  grace  reached  to  a  some- 
what more  elevated  ground  than  one  beginning  the  spiritual 
journey,  should  remember  the  toils,  conflicts,  weakness,  dark- 
ness, temptations,  &c.,  that  made  him  groan,  and  oftentimes 
ready  to  faint,  in  ascending  to  that  point, — that  he  may  deal 
tenderly,  and  gently,  with  such  as  are  yet  labouring  over  the 
same  ground.  So  desirous  is  the  advanced  christian  that 
others  should  have  the  same  joy,  that  he  is  apt  to  forget 
there  must  first  be  the  fight,  and  the  course.  He  calls  all  to  re- 
joice as  he  does  : — to  be  dead  to  the  world  as  he  is, — to  bathe 
in  the  sweet  ocean  of  redeeming  love  ;  and  to  breathe  freely 
in  the  pure  element  of  holy  communion.  And  it  is  natural 
he  should  so  speak  :  but  this  meat  should  be  reserved  for  riper 
age  ;  and  the  milk  of  younger  experience  should  be  given  to 
babes.  In  this  very  thing  1  have  erred,  and  now  would  cor- 
rect ray  mistake." 

In  addition  to  the  interesting  circumstance  just  related,  the 
present  year  furnishes  a  letter  written  by  Mrs.  Hawkes  to  her 

beloved  friend  Mrs.  C tt,  soon  after  she  left  England  to 

join  her  husband  at  Honduras  in  the  West  Indies.  The  letter 
affords  a  fresh  instance  of  the  highly  spiritual  tone  of  commu- 
nication, which  Mrs.  Hawkes  delighted  to  maintain  wherever 
she  met  with  a  suitable  correspondent. 

Bee.  1816. 

"  1  am  rejoiced  to  seize  the  opportunity  of  writing  to  my  dear 
and  honoured  friend,  who  is  not  less  loved,  less  thought  of, 
less  longed  for,  because  of  that  separation  which  must  ever  fill 


254  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

my  heart  with  selfish  yet  tender  sorrow  ; — it  is  impossible,  my 
dear  madam,  to  express  how  constantly  you  have  been  in  my 
thoughts,  and  also  in  my  poor  prayers ;  and  how  intensely  1  de- 
sire to  hear  of  all  that  you  have  passed  through,  in  mind,  and 
events.  That  all  7ms  been,  is,  and  shall  be  well  with  you,  I 
doubt  not ;  for  the  word  of  truth  declares  it  shall  be  well  v/ith 
the  righteous. 

"  It  appeared  very  evident  to  me,  when  I  was  last  favoured 
with  an  interview,  that  you  were  highly  favoured  of  the  Lord, 
in  being  enabled  to  take  refuge,  and  rest  under  the  shadow  of 
his  wings ;  and  my  anxious  eye  has  viewed  you,  while  passing 
through  the  deep  ocean,  infolded  in  the  blessed  arms  of  our 
adorable  God  and  Saviour,  sweetly  resting  your  head  on  his 
bosom,  and  saying,  with  one  who  well  knew  that  pillow  of  rest 
and  peace,  '  None  of  these  things  move  me.'  The  greatest 
blessing  in  the  world  is  that  resignation  to,  and  simply  follow- 
ing of  die  Divine  will,  which  springs  from  union  with  Christ  ; 
for  this  is  to  have  the  same  mind  that  was  in  Christ,  and  to 
tread  in  the  same  steps  in  which  he  walked  ;  and  I  feel  as- 
sured, that  your  fellov/ship  is  with  the  Father,  and  with  the 
Son,  through  the  indwelling  of  the  Holy  Ghost  in  your  heart. 
Many  circumstantial  changes  you  have  experienced  ;  and  must 
have  experienced  consequent  exercises  of  mind.  How  would 
it  interest  my  heart  to  hear  you  detail  them  most  minutely! 
#  *  #  *  'pj^g  eye  Qf  faith,  which  is  constantly  and  stead- 
ily fixed  on  the  things  that  are  not  seen,  can  scarcely  look  upon 
the  vanishing  things  of  time  and  sense,  as  of  any  impor- 
tance; the  vivid  impression  of  an  awful  eternity,  and  the  cer- 
tainty that  only  a  moment  divides  us  from  it,  teaches  us  prac- 
tically to  say  to  every  person  and  thing  around  us,  '  Hinder 
me  not :'  I  have  a  great  work  to  do, — heaven  is  in  my  view ; 
and  what  then  shall  attract  my  attention  for  one  moment  to  a 
dying  world?  To  walk  as  children  of  light, — to  be  made  the 
salt  of  the  earth, — to  glorify  our  Father  which  is  in  heaven, — 
to  live  with  out-spread  wings,  ready  for  flight  whenever  the 
Master  calleth  for  us ; — is  enough  to  engage  and  absorb  every 
faculty  of  the  mind,  and  to  elevate  it  to  a  point  so  high,  and 
so  dignified,  that  every  thing  below  it  must  dwindle  away  into 
nothingness. 

"  But  where  shall  we  find  this  high  place, — this  favoured 
point,  from  whence  to  take  our  sublime  view  ?  Ah  1  you,  dear 
madam,  will  reply,  '  At  the  foot  of  the  cross, — in  the  Garden 
of  Gathsemane, — at  the  holy  sepulchre.'  The  pious  Fenelon 
had  found  it  when   he  says,  '  I  adore  Thee,  O  infant  Jesus, 


CHAP.  VII. FROM  A.  D.  1812  TO  1817.        255 

weeping,  and  lying  in  a  manger ;  thy  childhood  and  poverty 
are  become  my  delight.  Oh  that  I  could  become  thus  poor, 
thus  a  child  like  Thee!  Be  silent,  ye  sages  of  the  earth;  I 
wish  to  know  nothing  but  to  be  all  faith,  to  be  resigned,  to  suf- 
fer any  thing,  to  lose  and  forsake  all ;  the  Word  made  flesh, 
now  silent,  now  weeps  like  a  child  ;  and  shall  I  set  up  for  being 
wise, — shall  I  take  complacency  in  my  own  schemes  and  sys- 
tems? Shall  I  be  afraid  lest  the  world  should  not  have  a  high 
enough  opinion  of  my  capacity?  No,  no, — all  my  pleasure 
shall  be  to  decrease ;  to  become  little  and  obscure,  to  live  in 
silence,  to  bear  the  reproach  of  Christ  crucified, — and  to  add 
to  that,  the  simplicity  of  a  little  child.' 

"Here,  my  honoured  friend,  is  grandeur  to  which  none  of 
the  great  ones  of  this  world  ever  attained.  Blessed  be  the 
Lord,  who  hath  been  pleased  to  open,  in  any  measure,  your 
eyes  and  mine,  to  behold  such  rich  discoveries,  and  to  taste 
and  long  for  such  old  and  well   refined  wine.     Here  is  solid 

rock  ;  this  is  to  inherit  substance ;  to  have  a  hope  full  of  glory. 

*  *  *  *  *•  * 

'  I  have  so  many  things  which  I  should  love  to  communi- 
cate, that  I  know  not  where  to  begin.  But  my  obligation  to 
you,  both  for  your  own  kindness,  and  that  which  you  have, 
with  so  much  friendly  elTort,  procured  me  from  others,  claims 
my  first  most  sincere  and  affectionate  acknowledgment.  How 
greatly  1  am  indebted  to  you,  would  require  a  volume  to  de- 
clare.    Soon  after  your  lamented  departure.  Lady  S n, 

wrote  a  most  kind  and  condescendinp;  letter,  enclosinaj  a  munifi- 
cent  present  for  the  supply  of  my  need  ;  and  never  was  I  more 
struck  with  the  mark  it  bore  of  the  love  of  my  heavenly  Fa- 
ther's  ever-watchful  and  providing  care  ;  for  my  illness  had  in- 
volved me  in  much  expense,  from  the  necessity  for  more  than 
usual  medical  help  ;  and  this  unexpected  supply  fi-om  her  lady- 
ship, was  most  timely  to  meet  and  relieve  my  anxieties  on  that 
account. 

"  Mrs.  Y.  and  Mrs.  F.  kindly  visit  me  now  and  then;  but 
many  impediments  lie  in  the  way  of  my  seeing  them  often.  1 
am  much  delighted  wiih  Mrs.  F.,  she  seems  a  gem  of  the  mildest 
and  sweetest  lustre.  J\Irs.  P.,  whom  I  believe  you  know,  is 
my  constant  visitor;  and. is  going  on  well.  Mr.  C,  Mr.  B., 
and  some  others,  are,  I  am  sorry  to  say,  infected  with  the  con- 
tagion of  the  separatists,  and  have  ceased  to  hear  their  re- 
spective excellent  ministers,  Mr.  \V.,and  Mr.  S.,  '  because  they 
do  not  preach  the  whole  Gospel.'  Alas  !  alas!  an  enemy  hath 
done  this!  it  is  because  they  have  seized  a  part,  and  embrace 


256  ME3I0IRS  OF  3IRS.  HAWKES. 

not  a  wliole  Gospel,  that  this  mischief  and  danger  arises.  How 
wise  is  our  subtle  adversary  in  opposing  the  truth  !  '  Divide 
and  conquer'  has  ever  been  his  successful  maxim.  I  trust 
however,  that  straying  sheep,  (if  sheep  they  are,)  will  be 
brought  back  again  to  the  true  fold  :  but  it  is  grievous  to  think 
how  sadly  they  must  be  shorn  by  their  wanderings.  Mr.  W. 
stands  like  a  rock  amidst  every  contrary  wave,  and  rears  his 
head  stronger  and  higher  as  the  advocate  of  truth  and  right- 
eousness ;  while  his  countenance  shines  with  the  rays  which 
the  Sun  of  Righteousness  sweetly  sheds  upon  him. 

*'  I  have  reason,  my  dear  madam,  to  know  that  you  will  be  de- 
sirous for  me  to  say  something  more  of  my  unworthy  self.  My 
general  health  is  much  as  usual,  but  my  pain  from  local  disease 
increases,  and  must  increase  till  it  has  done  its  work.  When 
the  still  drossy  vessel  is  made  fit  for  the  Master's  use,  it  will 
be  received  into  the  blessed  mansion  prepared  for  it ;  and  till 
then,  I  pray  that  faith  and  patience  may  increase  and  have 
their  perfect  work  ;  and  I  hope  I  have  the  favour  of  your 
prayers  also.  If  1  did  not  dislike  and  fear  to  speak  of  my  im- 
worthy  self,  I  could  say  many  things  to  testify  the  Lord's  good- 
ness to  me,  both  in  temporal  and  spiritual  bestowments.  It  is 
a  source  of  great  thankfulness  that  He  is  pleased  to  keep  me 
lying  low  at  his  sacred  foot-stool, — and  to  make  me  more  and 
more  assured  that  Mary's  place  with  Mary's  heart  is  the  best 
security  for  peace  and  happiness.  We  are  never  safe  in  soar- 
ing high,  unless  we  first  prostrate  ourselves  in  the  very  dust  of 
humiliation,  and  self-abasement.  For  myself,  I  covet  to  sink 
that  I  may  rise; — to  dwell  in  the  low  valley;  because  from 
thence  the  eye  of  faith  gains  the  clearest  views  of  unseen,  eter- 
nal, and  ever-increasing  brightness, — of  eternal  glory  :  in  like 
manner  as  it  is  said,  the  stars  are  perceived  at  mid-day  to  such 
as  descend  into  a  deep  mine.  All  exterior  lights  are  unfavour- 
able to  that  light  which  shines  within.  To  shut  up  the  ave- 
nues of  sense,  and  to  keep  wide  open  those  by  which  are  ad- 
mitted the  beams  of  '  saving  splendour,'  is  the  Christian's 
highest  wisdom  and  blessedness.  Under  this  conviction,  I 
have  been  led  to  pray,  that  I  may  constantly  have  a  quick,  and 
vivid  perception  of  evil;  that  as  the  natural  eye  is  exquisitely 
sensible  of  the  smallest  particle  by  which  it  may  be  assailed, — 
so  I  may  be  equally  sensible  of  all  sin,  in  every  possible  way 
of  its  approach.  But  with  this  acute  perception,  and  sensitive 
consciousness,  there  must  be  a  child-like  simplicity,  and  a  habit 
of  free  access  to  Jesus  the  Mediator,  and  to  the  blood  of  sprink- 
ling— which  is  our  blessed  privilege — or  we  shall  soon  fall  in- 


CHAP.  VII. — FROM  A.  D.  1812,  TO  1817.       257 

to  legal  bondage,  or  desponding  fears.  May  this  blessed  privi- 
len-e  be  yours,  my  most  honoured  and  beloved  friend,  in  its 
fuflest  abundance  !  You  are  already  given  to  know  more  than 
you  can  utter  of  the  '  love  of  Christ,  which  passeth  knowledge;' 
may  more  and  more  of  such  sweet  streams  be  poured  into  your 
soul,  till  your  vessel  be  full  and  overflowing.  Such  narrow 
vessels  as  ours,  alas  !  receive  but  little.  O  may  we  be  emptied 
of  every  thing,  that  there  may  be  more  room  for  Jesus  to  fill. 
And  may  He  every  day  enlarge  our  faith's  capacity,  and  stretch 
our  narrow  boundaries.  Oh,  what  an  expanse  lies  before  us  ! 
how  animating  is  the  prospect !  How  glorious  is  our  inherit- 
ance! 

"  It  is,  my  ever  dear  madam,  a  great  joy  to  feel  that  I  am 
united  to  you  by  the  inseparable  bonds  of  Christian  love ; 
united  with  you  in  one  faith,  one  spirit,  one  hope  of  our  call- 
ing :  and  if  separated  in  time,  we  shall  meet  again  with  incon- 
ceTvable  advantages  in  heaven ;  and  each  acknowledge  that 
our  past  sorrows,  trials,  and  variety  of  afilictions  were  indeed 
but  for  a  moment,  and  not  worthy  to  be  compared  with  the 
glory  which  shall  be  revealed  in  us." 

The  friendship  of  that  noble  lady  lo  whose  kindness  Mrs. 
Hawkes  alludes  in  the  foregoing  letter,  was  continued  ever 
after.  The  following  lines  express  the  sentiments  and  feel- 
ings entertained  by  Mrs.  Hawkes  with  regard  to  such  kind 
notice. 

"  How  totally  different  an  effect  is  the  mind  sensible  of, 
when  we  receive  kindness  and  honour  from  man,  as  man, — 
and  when  we  receive  the  same  as  from  God  through  man.  It 
then  changes  its  nature,  and  becomes  the  honour  that  cometh 
from  God.  When  we  receive  honour  from  man  only,  we  are 
soon  puffed  up  with  pride,  self-conceit,  haughtiness,  super- 
ciliousness, &c.  But  when  we  receive  it  from  God,  through 
man,  as  His  medium  of  bestowing  it,  the  heart  is  humbled, 
softened,  ashamed,— and  recollects,  with  deep  self-abasement, 
its  utter  unworlhiness,— its  desert  of  chastisement  rather  than 
favour  ;  its  secret  faults  ;  its  base  motives  ;  its  sinful  mixtures; 
and  esteems  it  too  high  an  honour  to  be  used  as  a  peg  on  which 
to  hang  up  the  garments  of  the  house  of  the  Lord.^ 


1  Mrs.  Hawkes  may  perhaps   here  refer  to  Isa.  xxii.  22,  23,  where  in 
illusion  to  the  spikes,  or  large  pegs,  worked  into  the  eastern  waMs,  on 
which  to  disnose,  and  hang  up  various  utensils,  or  garments,— Eliakira 
22* 


258  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

"This  I  trust  is,  and  ever  will  be,  the  effect  upon  my  mind 
and  heart  on  being  so  kindly  noticed  by  a  noble  lady,  who  is 
pleased  to  lay  me  under  deep  obligations.  1  receive  her  con- 
descending kindness  as  from  the  Lord,  who  1  verily  believe 
has  put  it  into  her  heart  to  favour  me. 

"  How  is  every  bestowment  heightened,  sweetened,  se- 
cured,— when  received  by  faith  !  " 

On  entering  the  year  1817,  we  meet  with  Mrs.  Hawkes's 
usual  memorial  of  past  mercies,  accompanied  by  a  renewed 
instance  of  religious  watchfulness,  in  improving  the  beginning 
of  a  new  year: — 

Jan.  1817. — "  Another  year  is  gone  !  and  closed,  blessed 
be  God,  with  lively  sentiments  and  feelings  of  humiliation, 
wonder  and  thankfulness.  A  volume  would  not  contain  the 
delineation  of  this  year's  favoured  experience.  May  gratitude, 
and  devotedness  to  God,  shew  fort  the  praise  that  is  due  unto 
his  holy  name !  The  setting  sun  of  the  last  year,  left  my 
horizon  tinged  with  the  lustre  of  past  beams  of  goodness,  and 
tender  mercies, — both  temporal  and  spiritual.  The  sun  of  the 
new  year  rises  with  invigorating  beams  of  hope  and  peace  ; 
with  renewed  trust  in  the  God  of  all  my  mercies;  together 
with  importunity  for  all-sufficient  grace  to  improve  it  better ; — 
to  walk  more  humbly  with  God,  and  thereby  to  glorify  his 
holy  name;  and  to  stand  prepared  for  the  execution  of  the 
sentence  already  passed ; — '  Thou  shalt  die,  and  not  live.' 

"  Happy,  happy,  is  that  soul  that  is  united  to  Christ,  and 
made  to  alDide  in  Him  as  the  branch  abideth  in  the  vine !  '  My 
sun,'  may  every  such  one  say,  '  goeth  not  down,  but  shineth 
more  and  more  unto  the  perfect  day.'  Oh,  that  men  would 
fear  the  Lord,  and  call  upon  his  holy  name  !" 

In  the  same  strain  of  favoured  Christian  experience,  Mrs. 
Hawkes  writes,  at  this  time,  to  her  friend  Mrs.  C tt : — 

"  May  every  day  of  this  new  year  begin,  and  end,  with  the 
healing   beams  of  the  Sun  of  Righteousness,   shining  forth, 


is  compared  to  a  principal  stake,  or  support  of  this  sort.  "  The  words 
of  the  wise"  are  also  compared  in  ecclesiastes  xii.  11,  to  "nails 
fastened  by  the  masters  of  aasembhcs,"  or  as  means  to  establish  the  heart, 
and  confirm  good  resolutions.  See  also  Ezra  ix.  8. — and  Zeeh.  x. 
4,— Ed. 


CHAP.  VII. FROM  A.  D.  1812  to  1817.       259 

and  sweetly  resting  on  the  soul  of  my  valued  and  beloved 
friend,  and  on  that  of  her  unworthy  correspondent !  May 
every  morning  begin  with  prayer,  praise,  recollection,  and 
watchful  diligence  !  and  every  evening  close  in  the  possession 
of  faith,  patience,  and  that  peace  which  flows  from  pardoning 
mercy  and  love.  And  may  we  be  very  careful  to  reflect  that 
glorious  light  by  which  alone  we  have  light: — that,  as  chil- 
dren of  light,  we  may  glorify  our  Father  which  is  in  heaven. 

"  How  greatly  should  I  love  to  have  my  dearest  friend  seated 
by  my  side  at  the  entrance  of  this  new  year ; — that  we  might, 
with  united  hearts,  bless  the  Lord  for  all  his  benefits,  and 
kneel  together  before  Him  in  deep  humiliation,  and  tender 
contrition  of  heart;  confessing  our  manifold  wanderings,  negli- 
gences, corruptions,  and  total  unworthiness.  1  know  in  what 
manner  you  would  unite  with  me  in  saying,  '  unto  Thee,  O 
Lord,  belongeth  righteousness,  but  unto  us  confusion  of  face.' 
Yet,  blessed  be  his  name,  our  fresh  springs  are  in  Him.  Let 
us  therefore  begin  this  year  with  lively  hope,  and  an  unlimted 
confidence  in  his  all-sufHcient  grace ;  and  let  His  sacred  words, 
'  abide  in  me,'  be  our  motto. 

"The  present  symptoms  of  my  complaint  forbid  me  to  look 
beyond  the  day;  and  I  desire  to  follow  the  example  of  one, 
who  had  obtained  the  habit  of  dying  daily  ; — for  this  I  find  is 
the  secret  of  daily  living  in  peace  and  happiness.  Life  is  never 
so  truly  sweet,  as  when  we  arc  every  day  ready  to  depart,  and 
longing  to  depart. 

"  Your  path  and  mine,  my  loved  one,  is  very  different ;  and 
I  am  sure  you  will  not  accuse  me  of  arrogance,  if  I  count,  that 
mine  has  the  advantage  of  yours, — notwithstanding  all  my 
privations  and  sufferings.  *  *  *  *  But  He  who  made 
us,  and  who  in  stupendous  mercy  has  called  us  as  his  sheep, 
has  appointed  your  lot  and  mine ;  and,  in  His  wise  disposal, 
given  it  to  be  ours,  in  preference  to  all  others  which  he  could, 
as  easily,  have  chosen  for  us.  We  therefore  should  not  even 
wish  it  were  otherwise  than  what  it  is  ;  nor  could  we  exchange 
it  without  loss.  Each  of  us  has  a  'crook  in  the  lot:'  but  a 
sanctified  crook,  shall  prove  an  indescribable  blessing.  Mine 
has  been  a  path  of  peculiar  humiliation  ;  which  has  turned  out 
to  be  a  way  of  peculiar  peace  and  comfort  to  my  soul.  I  am 
now  nearly  deprived  of  the  public  means  of  grace,  through  ina- 
bility to  go  out.  This  is  very  grievous  to  me ;  but  my  race 
is  almost  run,  and  I  trust  soon  to  remove  to  that  blessed  place, 
of  which  it  is  said,  '  And  the  Lamb  is  the  lii^ht  thereof.'     You 


260  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES 

and  I  shall  still  go  on  mourning  over  the  deadness,  wander- 
ings,  and  defects,  of  which  we  can  but  be  sensible  : — but  1  am 
glad  to  find,  that  you  are  not  discouraged  thereby  ;  for  although 
we  should  be  humbled,  yet  we  need  not  be  cast  down  ;  since 
we  have  a  merciful  High  Priest,  who  is  touched  with  a  feeling 
of  our  infirmities.  The  consideration  of  the  Divine  sympathy- 
is  often  consoling  to  my  mind  and  heart.  To  have  a  friend 
with  us  who  feels  for  us,  is  always  a  source  of  comfort;  our 
blessed  Saviour  is  a  friend  always  present,  and  beyond  all 
others,  good. 

«  Why  I  speak  of  my  path  as  having  the  advantage  of  yours, 
is  chiefly  because  of  my  retirement  from  all  worldly  concerns, 
and  company.  1  do  not  feel  as  if  I  could  meet  either  one  or 
the  other :  but  then  yours  is  a  more  honourable  post, — inas- 
much, as  it  is  more  difficult.  Yours  is  the  path  of  duty,  and 
therefore  it  must  be  safe  and  beneficial.  Your  heart  is  dis- 
united from  these  things;  and  that  which  is  our  cross,  is  sel- 
dom  our  snare.  You  say  very  truly,  '  It  is  not  so  much  the 
vicious,  as  the  worldly-minded  character,  which  we  have  most 
to  fear.  It  is  with  persons  morally  good  and  amiable,  and 
when  engaged  in  lawful  pursuits,  that  we  are  apt  to  doze  upon 
our  watch-tower; — and  when  we  remit  our  vigilance,  the  ene- 
my is  more  than  at  the  door.  Next  to  the  special  hand  of  di- 
vine grace,  our  safety  seems  to  consist  in  close  walking  with 
God.  Christianity  has  a  surrounding  atmosphere,  peculiarly 
its  own  ;  a  pure  and  delightful  element,  in  which,  the  true 
christian  lives  and  breathes  freely  : — and  we  should  endeavour, 
in  all  circumstances,  to  preserve  this  surrounding  grace.  Like 
strangers  in  a  strange  country,  we  should  fulfil  our  passing 
offices,  and  shew  ourselves  amiable  strangers ; — though  feel- 
ino-,  that  we  cannot  be  understood  by,  nor  have  affinity  with 
the  world.  We  should  also  bo  careful,  to  keep  alive  a  scrip- 
tural and  spiritual  discernment; — a  quick  perception,  that  sees 
the  slicrhtest  evil,  even  in  its  approach  ; — so  as  to  detect  with 
the  quickness  of  the  eye,  every  contrary  principle  and  senti- 
ment,— however  disguised  by  a  fair  appearance.  I  mean,  we 
should  detect  it  for  our  own  use  and  preservation. 

"  Let  us,  my  dear  friend,  in  setting  out  on  this  year,  pray 
that  we  may  walk  by  faith,  and  not  by  sight :  for  faith,  as  one 
says,  is  an  Ithuriel's  spear,  which,  by  one  touch,  makes  every 
thing  assume  its  right  shape  and  colour,  showing  its  value  and 
duration.  Let  us  keep  up  the  gospel  standard  ;  and  where  we 
cannot  come   up  to  it,  yet  never  attempt   any  lowering,  but 


CHAP.  VII. — FROM  A.  D.  1812  TO  1817.       261 

press  towards  it  with  unabating  ardour: — still  putting  our 
whole  trust  in  Christ,  without  whom,  we  can  do  nothing:  and 
who,  in  all  cases  says,  '  My  grace  is  sufficient  for  thee.'  " 

In  the  month  of  February,  1817,  iMrs.  Hawkes  thus  ad- 
dresses a  friend  of  her  early  years,  who  had  lately  engaged  in 
a  school : — 

"I  have,  for  a  long  time,  wished  to  write  to  my  beloved 
friend,  and  it  would  be  taking  up  too  much  time  and  paper,  to 
tell  her  the  various  causes  that  have,  hitherto,  prevented  my 
having  this  pleasure, — for  a  pleasure  it  will  ever  be,  to  commu- 
nicate with  one,  who  lives  in  my  heart  as  my  daughter,  my 
sister,  and  my  friend;  and  in  whose  joys  and  sorrows,  I  must 
ever  participate  with  the  most  lively  interest  and  feeling.  I  do 
indeed,  as  you  suppose,  love  to  hear  how  you  are  going  on; — 
and  unite  with  you  in  sincere  thankfulness,  that  the  Lord  is 
pleased  to  appear  on  your  behalf,  and  gradually  to  disperse 
that  long  continued,  and  dark  cloud,  which  has  overshadowed 
you.  When  He  sees  you  are  able  to  bear  ii,  He  will  shine 
with  fuller  beams  of  prosperity,  and  give  you  all  that  success, 
and  advantage,  in  your  present  undertaking,  which  you  are 
entitled  to  hope  for,  in  submission  to  his  holy  will.  But  there 
must  be  time  for  faith  and  patience  to  have  their  proper  work : 
too  strong  a  tide  of  prosperity  might  quite  carry  away  your 
newly-launched  vessel.  He  who  has  infinite  wisdom,  knows 
what  ballast  we  want,  as  well  as  what  fair  wind  to  spread  our 
sails, — and  his  love  will  undertake  both  for  the  one  and  the 
other ;  and  so  temper  them  together,  that  we  may  not  be 
stranded  on  the  heavy  sands  of  despondency,  nor  be  driven 
away  by  too  strong  a  galo  of  apparent  prosperity.  Let  us 
adore  our  heavenly  Father  for  his  merciful  and  wise  dispensa- 
tions towards  us;  and  let  us  pray  with  sincerity  of  heart,  that 
he  will  neither  take  away  those  trials  which  are  designed  to 
drive  us  to  Him, — nor  give  us  those  possessions  which  would, 
in  any  measure,  draw  aside  our  hearts  from  Him.  Lawful 
occupations  and  engagements,  very  imperceptibly,  wind  them- 
selves into  our  minds,  engross  our  thoughts,  and  take  up  that 
space  in  our  scanty  vessels,  which  should  be  filled  with  better 
things.  It  is  from  hurful  things  that  we  are  most  in  danger ; 
other  things  we  are  careful  not  to  admit:  but  our  necessary 
callings  must  be  followed,  and  ought  to  be  followed  with  dili- 
gence, taking  care  to  preserve  also,  fervency  of  spirit  in  serving 
the  Lord.     I  well  know  the  snare,  and  the  difiiculties  which 


262  ME3I0IRS  or  mrs.  hawkes. 

often  occur ;  and  lam  rejoiced  that  you  have  not  now  to  learn 
the  only  method  of  help  and  safety,  namely,  a  simple  and 
child-like  dependence  on  Christ,  from  moment  to  moment,  for 
grace  suited  to  every  exigency. 

"  This  you  and  I,  my  dear  friend,  know  to  be,  (as  far  as 
we  have  learned  it)  a  high  and  important  secret,  which  is  im- 
parted only  to  such  as  count  every  thing  else  in  comparison 
but  as  dung  and  dross.  Let  us  pray  for  a  quick  perception  of 
every  rising  cloud,  or  interposing  fog,  that  may  form  a  veil  to 
intercept  the  healing  beams  of  the  Sun  of  Righteousness  from 
our  souls; — a  very  short  withdrawment  will  soon  cause  us  to 
droop  and  wither.  We  may  be  unconscious  of  it,  until,  like 
Samson,  we  go  out  to  shake  ourselves,  and  find  our  strength 
departed. 

"  1  know  not  why  my  pen  runs  on  this  strain,  except,  be- 
cause my  mind  is  much  in  the  contemplation  of  this  subject, 
— and  that  as  I  am  incessantly  called  out  in  religious  conver- 
sation by  my  numerous  visitors  who  come  to  me  for  this  pur- 
pose, I  am  daily  led  to  pray,  '  O  Lord  grant  that  I  may  not  be 
a  sounding  brass  and  a  tinkling  cymbal.'  Let  me  not  have 
only  the  'name  to  live;' — let  not  my  tongue  utter  the  secret 
things  of  the  most  High,  without  a  corresponding  feeling  of 
holy  reverential  fear  in  my  heart. 

"  Give  my  love  to  Miss ,  and  tell  her  she  must  learn  of 

you  the  necessity,  beauty,  and  advantage,  of  decision  of  char- 
acter. In  every  thing  it  gives  the  stamp  of  superiority  : — but 
in  religion,  it  is  connected  with  its  very  life. 

"  I  have  been  very  sadly  of  late  in  my  complaint  ;• — through 
mercy,  all  is  well  in  other  matters,  and  I  could  tell  you  a  long 
list  of  mercies,  had  I  time.  The  Lord  is  a  refuge  in  trouble ; 
— so  you  know;  and  so  also  knoweth, 

"  Your  affectionate,  "  S.  H." 

In  the  early  part  of  the  summer,  Mrs.  Hawkes  had  an  at- 
tack of  nervous  and  bilious  fever,  which  was  followed  by  a  se- 
rious increase  of  her  former  debility.  For  the  sake  of  change 
of  air,  she  removed  to  Clapham,  and  passed  two  or  three 
months  in  the  house  of  a  widow  lady,  who  became  much  at- 
tached to  her,  both  as  a  friend,  and  as  a  helper  in  her  spiritual 
concerns.  A  private  paper  written  by  Mrs.  Hawkes  on  re- 
moving to  Clapham,  shows  how  entirely  she  desired  to  live  to 
the  glory  of  God,  and  the  good  of  her  fellow  creatures  ; — 

Clapham,  June  1S17. — "In  every  change  of  place,   the 


CHAP.  VII FROM  A.  D.  1812  TO  1817.        263 

christian,  however  obscure,  feeble,  and  insignificant,  has  a 
o-reat  work  to  perform.  lie  has  to  keep  himself  through  grace, 
'  in  the  fear  of  the  Lord  all  the  day  long,'  and  '  unspotted 
from  the  world.'  He  has  to  shew  forth  the  praise  of  God,  not 
only  with  his  lips,  but  in  his  life.  He  has  to  seize  every  op- 
portunity to  lend  a  helping  band  to  others  ;  to  be  on  the  watch 
for  every  fit  occasion,  to  spread  forth  the  savour  and  know- 
ledge of  that  sacred  name,  which  is  as  '  ointment  poured  forth ;' 
and  he  has  to  '  watch  and  pray,'  that  he  may  do  all  this  wise- 
ly,  humblv,  simply,  dependently,  faithfully,  reverentially,  and 
vvith  singleness  of  eye.  Is  not  this  a  great  work  1  too  great 
for  human  power;  yet  possible,  through  all-sufficient  grace. 
Lord,  vouchsafe  thy  grace  to  me,  a  helpless  worm  !" 

From  this  place  in  the  month  of  August,  Mrs.  Hawkes  writes 
to  her  valued  iriend,  Mrs.  F.,  as  follows: — 

"  I  am  better  since  my  stay  in  this  place,  yet  still  suffering 
much,  and  encompassed  with  many  infirmities.  The  old  ten- 
ement totters  more  and  more,  and  will  be  taken  down  at  the 
appointed  time.  Through  mercy,  I  am  enabled  to  look  for- 
ward to  that  solemn  period,  with  a  calm  and  pleasing  expecta- 
tion. I  should  fill  several  sheets,  were  I  to  give  my  beloved 
friend  a  history  of  the  loving-kindness  of  the  Lord  to  me  in 
every  way ;  and  I  desire  only  that  my  lips  and  life  may  show 
forth  his  praise.  I  never  felt  more  deeply  sensible  of  my  own 
vileness  and  insufficiency ;  but  I  do  hope  I  am  learning  some- 
thing of  that  high  lesson,  which  the  blessed  apostle  had  at- 
tained so  perfectly,  when  he  said,  '  When  I  am  weak,  then  am  I 
strong.'  How  infinitely  precious  is  Christ  to  the  soul  that  feels 
its  poverty  and  need!  And  fully  does  he  satisfy  and  fill  the 
hungry  vvith  good  things." 

About  the  same  time,  Mrs.  Hawkes  addresses  her  friend, 
Mrs.  C tt,  as  follows: — 

"  I  am  thankful  to  have  found  some  benefit  by  my  removal 
to  Clapham.  I  am  much  struck  v/ith  the  combination  of  ad- 
vantages and  disadvantages,  that  is  found  in  every  change  of 
place  and  circumstances.  No  doubt,  had  we  to  choose  our 
own  lot,  we  should  cull  all  the  sweets,  and  leave  out  all  the 
bitters ;  and  thereby  make  ourselves  a  nest,  in  which  if  left  to 
ourselves,  we  should  moulder  and  decay  in  all  our  best  faculties 
and  pursuits  ;  for  we  cannot  be  trusted  with  much  case  or  rest. 


264  MEMOIKS  OF  MR3.  HAWKES. 

How  happy  for  us  that  we  are  not  permitted  thus  to  choose  for 
ourselves  !  and  that  He  undertakes  for  us,  who  knows  what  i^ 
in  us  ;  and  who,  with  one  comprehensive  view,  takes  in  every 
event  and  consequence  of  most  minute  changes.     We  are  so 
short-sighted,  that  we  can  see  but  very  htttIe1)eyond  the  pres- 
ent time.     We  are  too  apt  to  make  ourselves  our  own  centre ; 
forgetting,  that  we  are  placed  in  the  scale  of  human  beings  for 
a  lar  higher  purpose  than  the  mere  enjoyment  of  our  natural 
life;  and  that  all  our  sufferings  here  are  for  designs  far  higher 
than  such  as  are  merely  personal :   namely,  the°  glorifying  of 
our  Father  which  is  heaven;  and  the contri'buting,  in  any  way 
in  which  he  shall  be  pleased  to  make  use  of  us,  to  the  good  of 
our  fellow  creatures.     It  is  often  a  support  to  me  under  my 
pain  and  languid  oppression,  to  contemplate  not  only  the  puri- 
fying and  blessed  effects  of  affliction  in  my  own  soul,  but  also 
the  ways  in  which  God  will  glorify  himself  by  the  meanest  of 
his  creatures,  and  make  use  of  them  for  his  own  divine  purpo- 
ses :  causing  the  sufferings  of  the  most  obscure  individual  to 
work  in  with,  and  form  a  part  of,  his  comprehensive  and  gra- 
cious   designs.     I  desire  earnestly  a  more  simple  and  entire 
surrender  of  myself,  to  be  anything  or  nothing,  as  He  shall 
see  best.     To  glorify  God,  is  the  first  object  at  which  we  should 
aim.     But,  alas !  how  often  do  I  fall  short  of  my  desire,  in  this, 
and  every  other  point  of  practical  Christianity.     At  the  close 
of  every  day,  when  I  review  what  has  been  done  for  God,  for 
my  own  soul,  and  for  the  good  of  others,  I  am  forced  with  shame 
to  write,  wanting,  tvanting  !     And,  but  for  that  finished  sal= 
vation  which  is  all  my  security  and  hope,  I  should  lay  down 
my  head  on  my  pillow  with  feelings  of  deep  despondency.    How 
blessed  are  those  arrurances  in  the  sacred  Scriptures,  that  we 
have  an  advocate  with  the  Father!  that  there  is  no  condemna- 
tion to  them  who  are  in  Christ  Jesus!  to  them  who,  notwith- 
standing a  host  of  infirmities  and  deficiencies,  «  walk  not  after 
the  flesh,  but  after  the  Spirit,'  having  their  spotted  garments 
washed  white  again,  by  continually  making  fresh  applicatio\i 
to  the  blood  of  sprinkling." 


CHAPTER  VIII. 

HER  RESIDENCE  AT  QUEEN'S  ROW,  PENTONVILLE. 

FROX  A.  D.  1817  TO  1828. 

Reflections  on  her  removal — Heavenly  savour  of  the  correspondence  be- 
tween Mrs.  Hawkes  and  Mrs.  Jones — Advancing  spirituality  of  iMrs. 

Hawkes's  mind — Her  study  of  the  Scriptures — Letter  to  Mrs.  C tt 

on  forgiveness  of  injuries — Cliristmas-day — Meditations  on  death — 
Letters  on  the  subject — Death  of  Mrs.  Jones — Letters  to  various 
friends  on  the  frceness  of  Divine  grace — Death  of  Mrs.  Mynors — At- 
tack of  nervous  depression — Letter  on  the  subject — Visit  to  Highgate 
— Close  of  the  year  1827,  and  opening  of  1828 — Anxieties  respecting 
new  apartments — Reasons  for  remaining  near  London — Letter  to  a 
Clergyman  on  new  speculations  in  religion. 

In  the  month  of  October,  Mrs.  Hawkes  left  Clapham,  and 
went  to  reside  at  Queen's  Row,  Pentonville.  Soon  after  her 
removal,  she  writes  in  her  diary  as  follows : — 

Queen's  Row,  Oct.  5,  1817 "  Pilgrim-like,  I  have  this  day 

entered  into  another  tent,  to  which,  i  trust  I  have  been  di- 
rected by  a  gracious  and  kind  Providence,  in  answer  to  my 
prayers.  These  changes  are  painful  and  agitating  to  me  in  my 
diseased  and  feeble  stale.  But  I  shall  soon  give  over  dwelling 
in  tents,  and  remove  to  an  habitation  '  not  made  with  hands, 
eternal  in  the  heavens.'  For  the  present,  that  blessed  word  of 
promise  is  given  me,  together  with  faith  to  rest  upon  it  as  sure, 
*  I  will  be  with  thee  whithersoever  thou  goest.'  I  ask  no 
more.  The  presence  of  the  Lord  secures  every  blessing  that 
is  essential  to  real  comfort.  I  shall  have  trials;  but  under  all, 
this  gracious  promise  is  sure,  'Thou  wilt  keep  him  in  perfect 
peace,  whose  mind  is  stayed  on  thee." 

In  a  letter  to  her  valued  friend,  Mrs.  Y ,  who  was  at 

this  time  called  from  home  to  visit  a  sick  child  in  Scotland, 
Mrs.  Hawkes  expresses  sentiments  similar  to  the  above,  as 
follows: — 

"  I  trust   that  encouraging  promise,    '  I  will    be  with  thee 
whithersoever  thou  goest,'  which  has  of  late  been  made  very 
sweet  to  me,  will,  if  it  please  Him,  be  fuliilled   aUo  in   your 
23 


266  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

experience.  He  will  ever  be  with  you,  and  with  every  one 
whose  heart  he  has  touched  with  his  converting  grace,  and  re- 
deeming love.  But  our  faith  is  not  always  strong  and  lively 
enough  to  realize  his  heavenly  presence.  Like  as  the  natural 
sun  niay  be  obscured  from  our  view  by  some  passing  cloud,  so 
may  the  comforting  rays  of  the  Sun  of  Righteousness  be  for 
a  time  obscured  by  some  mental  cloud,  through  which  our 
faith  is  unable  to  penetrate;  and  then  w^e  soon  begin  to  fear, 
and  say,  'My  beloved  has  withdrawn  himself.'  'To  the  law 
and  to  the  testimony'  therefore  will  we  turn,  rather  than  to 
sense  and  feeling;  and,  under  the  darkest  cloud,  rest  upon  his 
blessed  word  of  promise,  '  I  will  never  leave  thee  nor  forsake 
thee.'  It  is  in  order  to  produce,  or  rather  to  exercise,  this  sta- 
bility of  faith,  that  we  are  suffered  sometimes  to  walk  in  dark- 
ness. Every  true  Christian  has  his  winter  and  his  summer 
seasons.  It  is  only  in  that  blessed  country,  towards  which  we 
are  hastening,  that  there  is  one  unclouded  day.  With  respect 
to  myself,  I  have  reason  to  bless  the  Lord  for  the  storm  as  well 
as  the  calm.  That  is  best  for  the  soul  which  keeps  it  low  at 
the  foot  of  the  cross,  loathing  itself,  and  trusting  only  in  Jesus  ; 
sinking  before  him,  in  order  to  rise  in  him,  who  is  our  righteous- 
ness and  strength." 

The  correspondence  between  Mrs.  Hawkes  and  Mrs.  Jones, 
which  had  ever  been  spiritual  and  edifying,  partook  of  a  more 
heavenly  savour  as  the  latter  aged  saint  drew  near  the  end  of 
her  Christian  course.  The  delight  which  these  sisters  took  in 
talking  of  the  country  whither  they  were  going,  was  like  that 
of  Christian  and  Hopeful,  when  they  had  gained  the  land  of 
Beulah  ;  and  when  drawing  near  to  the  end  of  their  journey, 
they  had  a  more  perfect  view  of  the  Celestial  city.  Confined 
at  home  by  age  and  infirmity,  Mrs.  Jones  writes: — 

"Oh  that  I  could  sit  by  the  side  of  m.y  beloved  sister,  and 
talk  of  ihe  glory  we  expect  on  the  other  side  of  Jordan  !  We 
are  not  looking  at  a  land  which  we  may,  or  may  not,  reach; 
but  our  hopes  are  sure  and  certain,  of  a  land  that  is  not  far 
off.  We  are  upon  the  borders,  and  in  daily  expectations  of  a 
messenger  to  convey  us  over;  and  we  have  a  friend  ever 
present,  who  has  engaged  to  go  with  us  all  the  way  through. 
Oh  !  the  multitude  of  weary  pilgrims  that  are  groaning  in  their 
way  !  but  everlasting  rest  sounds  sweetly  in  their  ears.         * 

*         *         *         *         If  I  should  be  favoured  with  sudden 
death,  look  at  me  in  a  better  world  with  Christ  in  God  ;   and 


CIIA1>.  VIII.— FROM  A.  D.  1817  TO  1828.  267 

suffer  not  your  mind  to  dwell  upon  the  clay  tenement.  Christ 
is  mine,  and  I  am  his;  and  to  see  him  as  he  is,  is  far  helter 
than  to  dwell  in  this  dark  abode.  *         *         *- 

Tell  me  of  the  supports  given  you  by  the  Lord  in  your  afflic- 
tions. May  the  Holy  Spirit  abundantly  supply  you  vviih  the 
riches  of  your  inheritance,  and  with  still  further  views  of  the 
glory  which  shall  be  shortly  revealed  :  or  if  your  faith  is  tried, 
may  you  be  able  to  say  with  your  suffering  Saviour,  '  Thy 
will  be  done.' " 

In  language  of  not    less  animated    Christian   hope,   Mrs. 
Hawkes  replies: — 

"  Although  my  sufferings  increase,  yet,  blessed  be  God,  he 
makeih  my  consolations  in  himself  to  increase  also ;  and  I 
humbly  hope  I  may  say,  from  favoured  experience,  I  do  feel 
they  are  now  working  together  for  my  good.  I  endeavour 
to  cry  with  earnestness,  that  I  may  be  '  strengthened  with  all 
might,  according  to  his  glorious  power,  unto  all  patience  and 
long-suffering,  with  joy  fulness.'  What  a  progression  !  The 
common  ills  and  occurrences  of  life  need  '  patience  :'  but  these, 
increased  by  peculiar  and  long-continued  afflictions,  call  for 
'  long-suffering.'  And  what  is  the  top-stone  1  '  Joy  fulness  ! ' 
And  how  is  this  to  be  obtained?  '  By  his  glorious  power,' 
giving  strength  according  to  our  day.  '  With  all  might.' 
What  does  that  mean  ?  We  shall  know  '  if  we  follow  on  to 
know  the  Lord.'  When  I  read  the  glorious  truths  of  the  gos- 
pel, my  mind  is  overwhelmed  with  their  richness  and  fulness; 
and  I  cannot  help  stopping  at  every  one,  and  using  the  words 
of  that  departed  saint,  Mr.  Foster,^  '  What  does  that  mean, — 
and  what  does  that  mean!'  Lord!  teach  me  by  thy  Holy 
Spirit  what  thou  meanest.  Take  all  impediments  to  my  learn- 
ing out  of  the  way;  all  ignorance,  error,  unbelief,  conceit,  and 
vain  imaginations;  and  fill  this  poor,  feeble,  dark  mind,  with 
thy  light^  Let  not  the  eyes  of  my  understanding  be  confined 
within  any  boundaries  of  time  and  sense:  let  them  not  be 
drawn  down  to  means  and  creatures,  to  second  causes,  and 
human  contingencies;  but  fix  tliem  abidingly  on  thyself,  the 
great  First  cause,  the  Governor  of  heaven  and  earth  ;  the  in- 
visible, eternal,  ever-present  God  and  Father  of  our  Lord  Jesus 
Christ,  in  whom  I  live,  and  move,  and  have  my  being.     Am 


The  Kev.  Henry  Foster,  minister  of  Clerkcnwell. 


268  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.   IIAWKES. 

I  afflicted?  It  is  a  Father's  gentle  correcting  hand.  Am  I 
in  want  ?  He  knoweth  it,  and  says,  '  The  world  is  mine,  and 
the  fulness  thereof.'  Am  1  in  the  valley  of  humiliation?  There 
grows  the  lily  of  the  valley  ;  and  there,  blessed  be  the  God  of 
all  grace,  have  I  found  that  Lily,  and  derive  thence  such  in- 
vigorating sweetness,  as  none  but  myself  can  know.  Would 
I  exchange  my  pain,  my  restless  nights,  nay,  even  my  some- 
times heart-sinkings,  with  the  alternative  of  losing  these 
heavenly  bestowments  ?  No  !  not  to  be  made  empress  of  the 
world.  These  are  but  means  of  pulling  down  the  walls  of  the 
prison-house,  from  whence  the  captive  spirit  shall  soon  wing 
its  way  to  those  realms  of  bliss,  which  it  is  now  exploring  with 
feeble  faith,  and  strong  desire.  1  need  not  say,  O  my  dear 
sister,  fix  your  eyes  there, — for  there  they  are  fixed  ;  and  there 
we  shall  shortly  meet,  to  smile  at  our  poor,  narrow  concep- 
tions of  that  glory  which  it  has  not  entered  into  the  heart  of 
man  to  conceive." 

Mrs.  Hawkes  seems,  at  this  period,  to  have  been  peculiarly 
favoured  in  her  Christian  experience.  Long  exercised  in  the 
school  of  adversity,  she  now  began  to  realize,  in  a  larger  de- 
gree, those  '•  peaceable  fruits  of  righteousness,"  which  are  the 
effect  of  sanctified  affliction.  Her  growth  in  humility,  resigna- 
tion, and  acquiescence  in  the  Divine  will,  was  more  and  more 
apparent.  There  was  also  afforded  her,  great  comfort  and  en- 
largement, in  reading  the  Holy  Scriptures;  in  the  diligent 
study  of  which  she  found  increasing  delight. 

In  a  letter  to  her  beloved  friend,  Mrs,  F.,  she  says: — 

"  So  infinite  rich  and  full  are  the  blessed  promises,  that  when 
reading  the  Scriptures,  I  stop,  like  one  overwhelmed  with  daz- 
zling brightness,  and  can  only  say,  What  is  the  meaning  of 
such  words  as  these!  I  long  to  break  my  prison  walls,  that  I 
may  go  and  see.  I  have  been  more  than  usually  unwell  of 
late;  and  I  think  some  chasms  are  made  which  enable  me  to 
catch  a  farther  glimpse,  for  I  can  call  it  no  more,  of  that  glory 
which  is  reserved  for  all  who  love  the  Lord  in  sincerity." 

In  a  letter  to  Mrs.  Jones,  speaking  on  the  comfort  derived 
from  the  study  of  the  Scriptures,  JMrs.  Hawkes  writes  as  fol- 
lows : — 

"  How  truly  reviving  and  refreshing  is  it  when  the  blessed 


CHAP,  VIII. — FROM  A.  D.  1817  TO  18:28.  2G9 

Spirit  gives  us  power  to  take  God's  own  words,  and  plead  them 
at  his  footstool  with  a  melting,  depending,  expectant  licart. 
Truly  can  I  say  with  the  Psalmist,  'I  had  utterly  fainted  but 
for  hope  in  thy  word.'  Yet  how  weak  is  my  faith  !  how  nar- 
row and  low  the  capac-ity  of  fully  crediting  all  that  the  Lord 
hath  spoken  !  1  am  grieved  to  find  that,  on  many  occasions, 
a  sort  of  secret  practical  infidelity  remains  in  my  heart,  when 
providences  seem  to  go  contrary  the  one  to  the  other.  I  hate 
and  loathe  this  too  ready  unbelief,  which  however  is  not,  I  hope, 
the  prevailing  cast  of  my  mind  ;  on  the  contrary,  I  have  of 
late  been  led  to  a  more  full  delight  in,  and  hold  of,  those  Scrip- 
tures that  set  forth  the  love  of  Christ ;  and  often  in  the  sharpest 
sufferings,  my  soul  can,  and  does,  rejoice  in  God  my  Saviour. 
I  have  not  been  out  of  my  apartments  for  four  or  five  months; 
my  heart  longs  to  go  again  to  the  sanctuary,  to  worship  in  the 
assembly  of  the  saints.  But  [  have  no  cause  of  complaint  ex- 
cept against  myself;  for  sweet,  full,  and  refreshing,  are  the 
streams  of  living  water,  of  which  it  is  given  me  to  drink  :  and, 
through  condescending  love,  I  am  often  led  into  green  pastures 
by  Hun  who  is  '  I\ly  Shepherd,'  and  my  *  All  in  all.'  'My 
sheep  hear  my  voice,'  saith  [le  ;  and  truly  sweet  is  his  voice ; 
1  would  listen  to  no  other.  '  Thou  art  the  thing  which  I  long 
for.'     Thou  art  my  delight  v/hen  other  delights  tail." 

Some  who  were  more  intimately  acquainted  with  Mrs. 
Hawkes's  continued  and  complicated  afllictions,  than  with  the 
sources  of  her  peace  and  joy,  were  astonished,  and  almost 
stumbled,  at  her  remarkable  cheerfulness  and  serenity  :  as 
though  it  implied  some  degree  of  either  apathy  or  stoicism. 
In  the  memorandum  which  marks  the  commencement  of  the 
year  1818,  Mrs.  Hawkes  alludes,  in  a  feeling  manner,  to  this 
subject : — 

Jan.  1818 Some  of  my  acquaintance  are  ready  to  reflect 

upon  me,  because  I  can  feel  so  cheerful  and  so  happy,  circum- 
stanced as  1  am  in  a  certain  relative  poini  of  view.  And  well 
they  might  reflect,  and  censure  also,  if  I  had  anij  joy  but  what 
Cometh  from  God.  In  the  Lord,  in  his  word,  his  ordinances, 
his  providence,  his  grace,  and  in  his  children, — is  all  my  de- 
light ;  and  in  these  I,  in  a  measure,  lose  my  griefs.  Blessed 
be  his  name.  He  has  chosen  me  for  himself,  and  given  me 
grace  to  choose  him,  and  give  myself  to  him  ;  and  I  am  satis- 
fied and  rejoiced;  his  name,  and  his  word,  are  'the  rejoicing 
of  my  heart.' 
23* 


270  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

"  The  God  of  all  mercy  and  grace  has,  in  the  last  two  years, 
condescended  in  an  especial  manner  to  be  very  nigh  unto  my 
soul:  and  to  draw  me,  with  the  cords  of  his  love,  into  a  nearer 
union  and  intercourse  with  himself.  My  heart  is  so  won  by 
his  grace,  that  it  knows  not  how  to  bear  his  absence,  wlien  he 
withdraws  himself:  and  my  cry  is,  and  ever  shall  be,  when  I 
cannot  see  him,  '  Return  I  thou  fairest  among  ten  thousand.' 
At  the  same  time,  the  manifestations  of  his  grace  and  goodness 
are  attended  by  such  discoveries  of  my  wretched  heart,  and 
depraved  nature, — of  my  past  sins,  and  present  vileness, — that 
my  sorrow  and  shame  are  equal  to  my  hope  and  joy.  At  the 
foot  of  the  blessed  cross  these  different  feelings  are  called  forth, 
and  sweetly  blend  and  harmonize.  There  J  learn  to  under- 
stand in  some  degree  that  Christian  paradox,  'As  sorrowful, 
yet  always  rejoicing.' 

"  In  the  hours  of  delightful  pursuit  and  enjoyment  of  hea- 
venly things,  I  endeavour  to  bear  in  mind  that  1  am  greatly 
helped  therein  by  quiet,  leisure,  and  by  the  absence  of  those 
temptations  which  health,  society,  and  occupation  might  pre- 
sent ;  and  which  would  form  occasions  to  draw  forth  the  latent 
evils  of  my  still  corrupt  heart,  and  partially-renewed  nature. 
If  these  evils  are  not,  as  formerly,  putting  forth  their  hideous 
heads,  it  arises  not  from  their  extirpation;  it  is  not  because  I 
am  more  holy  than  others, —  not  because  I  have  'already  at- 
tained,'— but  it  arises,  in  part,  because  the  flint  and  steel  do 
not  come  into  collision  ;  because  the  spark  does  not  fall  on  the 
tinder.  I  would  therefore  lie  low  as  a  sinner;  I  would  not 
open  my  mouth  to  boast,  censure,  or  complain  ;  I  would  be 
aware  of  my  danger;  1  would  search,  and  watch  over,  my  de- 
ceitful heart;  I  would  bless  the  Lord  for  weaning,  separating 
afflictions;  I  would  esteem  myself  happy  that  every  string  is 
cut  that  would  tie  me  to  earth,  and  that  every  charm  is  broken." 

In  a  letter  to  Mrs.  Jones,  Mrs.  Hawkes  further  describes 
the  grounds  of  her  constant  peace  and  joy,  as  connected  with 
the  assurance  of  faith,  and  an  entire  acquiescence  in  the  Divine 
will.     She  writes  as  follows  : — 

"  Language  is  too  weak  to  express  the  peace  that  I  expe- 
rience, in  knowing  whom  I  have  believed,  and  in  being  fully  as- 
sured, 'that  he  will  keep  that  which  I  have  committed  to  Him 
unto  that  day.'  Unto  Him  do  I  by  the  hel[)  of  his  grace,  com- 
mit myself,  in  pain  and  ease  ; — in  suffering,  whether  it  be  short 
or  long; — in  life  and  in  death.     He  gives  me  such  reviving 


CHAP.  VIII. FROM  A.    D.   1817  TO  1828.  271 

consolations  as  fill  mc  with  wonder,  praise  and  humiliation  ;  and 
supports  and  comforts  mc  with  one  hand,  while  he  gently  lays 
his  Fatherly  rod  upon  me  with  the  other.  '  Bless  the  Lord,  O 
my  soul  ;  and  all  that  is  within  me,  bless  his  holy  name.'  How 
delightful  will  the  haven  he  after  these  rough  winds!  But,  '  He 
stayeth  his  rough  wind  in  the  day  of  his  east  wind,  and  in 
measure  when  it  shooteth  forth.  He  debatcth  with  it.'  He  who 
is  pleased  to  prolong  such  a  poor  life,  knows  why  He  prolongs 
it;  and  all  he  does  is  right  and  best.  I  often  exclaim,  'Lord, 
what  wait  I  for?'  Because  it  is  His  will,  is  a  sufiicient  an- 
swer; and  because  there  is  so  much  remaining  dross  and  tin, 
— is  a  sufficient  explanation.  Ah  !  you  are  sadly  mistaken  in 
supposing  that  I  am  making  anything  like  a  speedy  advance 
toward  self-annihilation.  1  am  every  day  making  discoveries 
of  the  subtle  enlwinings  of  selfishness  in  every  word,  thought, 
and  act.  I  perceive  that  self  will  steal  in,  and  mix  up  some 
of  its  poisonous  essence  in  my  befet  moments,  best  desires,  and 
best  efl!brts.  I  have  been  thinking  lately,  that  the  great  end 
and  object  of  all  1  would  ask  and  desire,  is,  that  I  may  be 
changed  from  the  image  of  the  earthly  to  ih.c  heavenly  ; — that 
I  may  glorify  my  Father  which  is  in  heaven  ; — and  that  I  may 
lend  a  helping  hand  to  my  fellow  Christians  : — this  end  has 
not  been  ke[)t  in  view,  as  il  ought,  with  singleness  of  eye  to 
exalt  Christ,  that  He  may  be  exhibited  and  set  forth.  No! 
self  has  had  an  insidious  and  hidden  plea,  in  some  way  or  other  ; 
and  now  I  see  and  feel,  (I  trust  with  humiliation,)  the  tinsel, 
the  tinsel!  instead  of  the  gold  in  all  my  best  doings.  Self-an- 
nihilation of  the  true  sort,  would  be  a  transformation  indeed 
for  a  creature  all  alive  to  sensitive  feelings,  to  experience.  De- 
lightfully as  some  of  the  mystics  have  spoken  and  written  upon 
the  subi(3ct,  it  strikes  me,  that  they  did  not  with  the  same  avidi- 
ty seize,  like  St.  Paul,  every  occasion  to  bring  to  view,  the  un- 
searchable richesof  Christ :'  self,  and  sc//',  was  more  frequent- 
ly the  topic.  1  wish  to  he  the  better  taught  in  the  Divine  les- 
son. I  think  I  have  been  enabled,  of  late,  to  read  the  Scrip- 
tures with  some  profit,  and  with  a  more  fixed  desire  Mo  sec 
the  glory  of  God  in  the  face  of  Jesus  Christ ;' — to  behold  more 
of  the  Divine  perfections  as  therein  revealed  ; — and  to  catch,  as 
it  were,  a  glimpse  of  some  more  distinct  feature, — some  more 
fixed  view  of  those  sacred  lineamimts  of  ihc  Divine  character, 
which  though  we  cannot  comprehend,  it  so  much  concerns  us 
to  know.  This  I  find  gives  great  additional  interest  to  read- 
ing the  Scriptures.  If  1  do  not  fully  ccnvey  my  meaning,  you 
will  find  it  expressed  for  me,  2  Cor.  iii.  18.     Well !  lot  us  ex- 


272  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    IIAWKES. 

ercise  faith  and  patience  a  very  little  longer,  and  then  we  shall 
have  full  discoveries  of  his  glory;  for  we  shall  see  Him  as 
He  is.     '  Come,  Lord  Jesus,  come  quickly!'" 

On  the  subject  of  reading  the  Holy  Scriptures,  Mrs.  Hawkes 
writes  to  a  young  friend  as  follows: — 

«'  I  have  not  time  to  say  all  I  intended  on  the  subject  of 
reading  the  Bible.  The  best  description  of  my  views  which  I 
can  give  at  present,  is  that  we  should  not  only  read  in  order 
to  know  what  we  should  he,  and  do,  as  real  Christians; — nor 
only  to  know  what  God  has  done,  and  will  do,  in  the  relation  in 
which  He  stands  to  us  as  his  creatures,  and  particularly  as  his 
children  : — but  the  Scripture  is  a  glass  wherein  He  has  in  a  most 
glorious  manner,  given  us  a  relation  of  Himself, — of  His  perfec- 
tions,— of  His  infinite  eternity  of  being;  we  should  therefore, 
at  seasons  delight  ourselves  with  tracing  out  the  different  fea- 
tures of  His  glorious  IMajesly.  In  thus  reverently  studying  the 
Divine  character,  our  minds  will  obtain  larger  apprehensions 
of  the  various  perfections  of  God  ;  and  the  discoveries  which 
the  Holy  Spirit  will  help  us  to  make,  will  cause  our  hearts  to 
burn  within  us;  our  faith,  love,  and  confidence  will  be  increased, 
and  a  fresh  interest  will  be  given  to  every  thing  we  see ;  be- 
cause we  shall  trace  every  thing  vpumrcls,  '  here  I  see  the 
touch  of  His  hand.'  The  more  we  behold  of  Deity,  the  lower 
we  shall  sink  in  humility  and  self-abasement;  and  selfishness, 
hateful,  narrow  selfis^hness,  will  be  lost. 

"  What  I  have  found  to  be  my  stay  through  every  dark  and 
dismal  cogitation  is,  to  get  my  memory  stored  with  Scripture. 
When  thoughts  rush  in,  I  do  not  parly  with  them,  but  instant- 
ly read  or  repeat,  some  verses  of  the  precious  Bible,  where  I 
always  find  an  answer  for  every  thing.  I  do  indeed,  through 
the  help  of  the  blessed  Spirit,  find  the  Scripture  to  be  a  sacred 
exorcist,  that  soon  puts  a  legion  of  fears  and  miseries  to  flight; 
mightily  pulling  down  the  strong  holds  of  sin  and  Satan  ;  *  cast- 
ing down  imaginations,'  and  every  rebellious  thought;  and 
when  mixed  with  prayer  and  appropriating  faith,  effectual  to 
perfect,  establish,  and  settle  the  soul  in  peace.  Every  passage 
I  read,  and  meditate  upon,  furnishes  so  many  distinct  topics 
for  prayer.  This  I  do  find  to  be  the  secret  that  obliterates  the 
power  and  being  of  second  causes;  this  fills  up  every  aching 
void  in  the  solitary  heart;  this  turns  every  wilderness  into  a 
pleasant  garden  ;  unravels  all  dark  problems  :  and  teaches  us 
to  be  good  arithmeticians,  and  '  to  reckon,  that  the  sufferings 


CHAP.  VIII. FROM  A.  D.   1817,  TO  1828.  273 

of  this  present  time  are  not  worthy  to  be  compared  with  the 
glory  which  shall  be  revealed  in  us.' 

"  Oh  !  the  wonderful  power  of  heart  piety,  and  the  wonder- 
ful peace  also!  How  does  walking  with  God  like  Enoch,  ele- 
vate, expand,  enrich,  ennoble,  compose  and  regulate  the  mind! 
How  much  interest  does  it  give  to  every  hour,  every  moment 
of  the  day  !  There  is  no  aching  void,  no  yawning  vacuum,  no 
tedious  ennui,  in  the  Ziui/t^  Christian's  life.  All  is  pursuit,  ad- 
vancement, possession.  Every  object  is  sublime, — animating, 
filling, — eternal.  How  sweet  to  begin  each  day  with,  '  Lord 
Jesus,  into  thy  hands  1  commit  my  spirit,'  my  body,  my 
thoughts,  my  words  and  actions.  Peace  and  communion  with 
God  is  given,  as  the  apostle  says,  'at  all  times,  and  by  all 
means.'  Every  event  and  occurrence  may  be  made  a  means 
in  the  hand  of  the  Holy  Spirit,  of  promoting  our  peace.  May 
the  blessed  God,  and  our  Saviour,  keep  tl-ee,  my  God-daughter, 
as  the  apple  of  his  eye ! 

"  Prays  vour  affectionate, 

"S.  H." 

The  following  reflections  were  written  by  Mrs.  Hawkes,  up- 
on a  remark  made  to  iier  in  the  course  of  religious  conversa- 
tion : — 

«'  <  I  have  no  pleasure  in  reading  the  Bible,'  said  one  to  me 
to-day  : — not  an  unbeliever,  but  one  well  instructed  in  the  gos- 
pel, and  an  able  defender  of  its  leading  doctrines.  How  is 
this?  The  belief  goes  no  further  than  the  7m(iers^a«(/in^.  (See 
Dr.  Owen  on  the  work  of  the  Spirit.) 

"  When  religion  exists  in  the  mind  as  a  bare  speculation,  no 
wonder  it  is  considered  dry  and  dreary  ;  and  when  the  truths 
of  the  Bible  are  believed  and  studied  as  abstract  theorems  only, 
no  wonder  that  the  attention  they  call  for  is  considered  a  hard 
demand,  and  a  sad  necessity.  But  when  the  Scriptures  are 
believed,  and  received  into  llie  heart,  \hen  are  they  felt  to  teem 
with  life  and  interest ;  and  when  religion  engages  and  occupies 
every  power  and  faculty  that  we  possess, — it  gives  interest  to 
life;  and  delight,  unknown  before,  enters  into  every  object  and 
pursuit  we  undertake, — into  every  relation  in  which  we  stand, 
— and  every  passing  day  becomes  full  of  project  and  event. 

"  A  strong  moral  sense,  and  a  conscience  cnliohtened  by 
revelation,  may  enable  a  thinking,  reflecting,  investigating 
mind,  to  discover  mnny  evils  of  the  heart  and  nature,  which 
are  unperceived  by  others, — who  still  think  the  character  good. 


274  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

But  dL  feeling  sense  of  these  evils,  accompanied  by  penitential 
sorrow,  true  humiliation  of  spirit,  and  hatred  of  all  sin,  can 
only  be  obtained  by  the  sanctifying  influences  of  the  Holy  Spirit. 
Repentance  springs  from  faith  ;  we  know  the  evil  of  sin  by 
faith,  as  well  as  its  remedy.  In  short,  we  know  nothing  of 
God, — of  the  eternal  world, — of  ourselves, — of  the  state  of 
the  present  world,  but  by  faith  in  the  revelation  of  the  Scrip- 
tures. Read  me  not,  therefore,  lectures  on  morality,  and  on 
the  power  that  is  left  in  man  to  obtain  virtue  and  holiness  by 
his  own  efforts,  and  to  hate  evil  from  its  own  deformity  : — '  To 
the  law  and  to  the  testimony.'  ^ 

"  '  Behold  I  am  vile — I  abhor  myself — and  put  my  mouth 
in  the  dust' — must  be  the  feeling  of  the  nev/  creature.  What 
is  the  criterion  of  this  feeling  as  to  its  reality  ? — not  words ; — 
not  tender  meltings,  however  precious; — not  low  and  weeping 
frames; — but,  lov.'liness  of  mind, — meekness  of  spirit, — pa- 
tience of  injuries, — thankfulness  for  reproof, — forgiveness  of 
unkindness  and  wrong, — a  willingness  to  be  lightly  esteemed, 
— a  total  ceasing  from  the  desire  or  pursuit  of  the  honour  that 
Cometh  from  man, — a  readiness  to  lay  the  body  to  be  walked 
over  as  the  dirt  in  the  streets  (Isa.  li.  23.)  It  is  the  conduct 
that  gives  the  best  evidence  or  humility.  Hov.^  hard  is  the 
cure  of  that  deep,  secret,  spreading  root, — pride  !  When  there 
seems  somiC  hope  of  its  extirpation,  how  soon  will  it  shoot  out 
again  with  fresh  vigour  and  various  branches  1  Never  say,  'I 
am  cured  of  this  or  that  propensity  ;'  but  rather,  '  I  am  seek- 


In  a  letter,  dated  April,  1818,  Mrs.  Hawkes  thus  replies  to 

some  questions  put  by  her  friend  Mrs.  C tt,  on  the  subject 

of  forgiveness  of  injuries. 

"  With  respect  to  the  duty  of  absolute  and  unreserved  for- 
giveness of  injuries, — on  this  we  are  agreed.  As  to  the  opin- 
ion you  quote,  that  we  must  not  shun  the  society  of  the  injurious 
person,  but  take  every  opportunity  of  personal  intercourse, — I 
can  only  assent  to  it  after  many  qualifications,  and  much  dis- 
crimination. Both  the  nature  and  extent  of  the  offence,  and 
the  true  character  and  meaning  of  the  offender  must  be  taken 
into  the  account.  If  the  offence  be  such  as  chiefly  militates 
against  my  pride,  (of  what  sort  soever,)  or  against  my  preju- 

1  Calvin  says.  "Let  us  not  suppose  that  apart  from  Christ  we  have  a 
drop  of  rectitude." — Ed. 


cHAr.  VIII FROM  A.  D.  1817  TO  1828.     275 

dices,  or  favourite  sentiments, — against  my  humour,  or  habits; 
in  short,  Hgainst  any  thing  that  may  strictly  be  considered  noi>- 
essential,  and  which  chiefly  concerns  my  feelings  ;  then,  1  am 
wrong  as  well  ns  the  offender  ;  and  in  order  to  iiumble  myself, 
I  should  do  as  your  author  says.  But  if  the  ofience  be  against 
my  character, — my  peace, — my  personal  or  domestic  happi- 
ness,— my  relative  and  social  engagements  and  usefulness, — 
my  real  interests;  then,  I  think,  1  should  stand  excused  from 
personal  intercourse,  until  1  had  reason  to  believe  1  should  no 
more  hazard  such  treatment.  So  also  with  regard  to  the  of- 
fender:— If  he  be  in  any  degree  otherwise  than  a  moral  char- 
acter,— if  he  be  actuated  by  evil  principles, — evil  dispositions, 
— perverted  and  immoral  sentiments, — if  he  be  a  deceitful,  de- 
signing, or  doubtful  character;  I  should  forgive  an  injury, — 
but  I  should  not  consider  myself  called  to  maintain  intimate  or 
friendly  intercourse.  In  the  case  of  relationship,  as  much  as 
possible  must  be  yielded.  I  have  found  it  a  great  help  to  for- 
giveness,— as  well  as  that  it  serves  as  a  test  of  its  sincerity, — 
to  pray  much  for  an  offender.  A  praying  spirit,  and  an  unfor- 
giving spirit  arc  incompatible.  Oh!  how  much  is  comprised 
in  those  words,  '  Forgive  us  our  trespasses,  as  we  forgive  them 
that  trespass  against  us!'  Indeed  prayer  is  our  best  resource 
on  all  occasions.  I  feel  tliat  all  things  are  comparatively  easy 
to  bear,  when  I  can  pour  out  my  full  heart  to  Him  whose  ear 
is  ever  open  to  my  complaints ;  so  also,  no  doubt,  feels  my 
dearest  friend  and  sister  in  Christ. 

"  I  am  sorry  to  hear  you  speak  of  decay  of  bodily  and  men- 
tal strength;  I  trust,  if  it  be  good  for  you,  that  both  may  be 
renovated  by  the  returning  spring.  As  for  myself,  I  do  not 
expect,  nor,  I  think,  wish  for  such  renovation.  1  am  almost  as 
weak  and  feeble  as  an  infant;  and  I  hail  these  harbingers  of 
total  release  from  a  body  of  sin  and  death,  and  from  a  world 
of  sin  and  sorrow." 

In  the  summer  of  1818,  Mrs.  Ilawkes  had  another  serious 
attack  of  fever,  by  which  her  little  remaining  strength  was  still 
further  reduced.  In  the  following  letters  to  Mrs.  Jones,  she 
describes  her  constant  suffering  from  languor  and  debility  : — 

"  I  wish  I  were  able  to  write  to  my  beloved  sister  as  my 
heart  would  dictate  :  I  should  soon  fill  a  large  sheet.  But  lan- 
guor and  excessive  weakness  unfit  me  even  for  those  exercises, 
in  which  alone,  I  have  any  pleasure  and  satisfaction.  I  am 
exactly  like  one  vanquished  by  an  overpowering  enemy  ;  if  at 


276  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES, 

any  time  I  make  an  effort  to  throw  off  my  fetters,  1  am  soon 
reminded  that  my  strength  is  gone,  and  my  efforts  vain.  Plea- 
sure from  all  sensible  objects,  I  have  long  been  deprived  of;  but 
my  intellectual  pleasures  I  part  with,  J  confess,  reluctantly. 
To  sit  or  recline  on  my  couch,  more  dead  than  alive,  with  all 
my  rich  books  around  me,  and  be  unable  to  tasle  a  morsel  of 
their  dainties,  is  a  trial  known  only  to  those  who  are  in  such  a 
case.  1  have  shared  largely  of  pain,  but  this  dying  weakness 
is  still  more  hard  to  endure;  and  can  only  be  relieved  by  slip- 
ping out  ol"  the  body.  This  state,  however,  sets  one  important 
lesson  constantly  before  me,  which  1  pray  I  may  be  enabled  to 
learn, — namely,  to  fall  with  the  simplicity  and  quietness  of  a 
Tittle  child,  into  the  Divine  will.  There  is  no  doubt  but  every 
one  of  God's  dispensations,  whether  great  or  small,  is  designed 
to  produce  this  quiescent  disposition  ;  and  if  it  could  be  fully 
learnt,  there  would  be  an  end  to  anxiety,  reluctance,  anxious 
forebodings,  and  all  uneasiness.  I  consent  to  this  in  theory:  I 
say,  I  am  sure  all  must  be  right,  and  it  matters  not  what  are  my 
changes  here,  if  J  may  but,  at  last,  be  safely  landed  in  the  ha- 
ven of  rest ;  1  would  be  as  clay  in  the  hands  of  a  potter,  to  be, 
by  whatever  means  and  process  He  pleases,  formed  and  fash- 
ioned to  his  will.  Yet  when  under  this  or  that  trial,  or  in  the 
prospect  of  this  or  the  other  evil,  my  will  starts  up,  and  chooses 
and  refuses ;  and  hence  springs  my  trouble.  1  see  and  feel, 
that  there  is  nothing  like  being  brought  low,  and  made  to  lie 
at  the  footstool  of  Divine  mercy, — receiving  from  thence,  as  a 
poor  bankrupt,  the  needful  supply  for  the  present  moment. 
These  gracious  supplies  exceedingly  endear  and  exalt  the  Sa- 
viour, and  induce  such  a  habit  of  incessant  application  and  de- 
pendence as  creates  wonder,  gratitude,  and  love,  to  our  unwea- 
ried friend.  *  #  *  #  * 

"  I  often  catch  myself  making  terms, — '  If  I  may  have  some 
vigour  of  mind,  then  1  will  never  complain  under  pain  and 
weakness  of  body,'  &c. — which  is  no  less  than  saying,  'let  me 
choose  my  own  trials  and  then  I  will  be  satisfied.'  Self-choos- 
ing is,  I  believe,  one  of  the  hardest  things  to  cure.  God  could, 
if  it  pleased  Him,  give  me  a  healthy  mind  in  a  sickly  body  ; 
but  if  hoili  are  to  be  weakened  together,  it  is  my  wisdom  to 
say,  *  Even  so,  Father,  for  it  seemeth  good  in  thy  sight.' 

"The  road,  especially  at  the  first  entrance  to  the  valley  of 
humiliation,  looks  very  ugly,  and  is  rugged  and  steep;  and  it 
is  well,  as  Buny an  says, '  if  in  going  down  into  this  valley  w  e  gel 
not  a  slip  by  the  way.'  But  when  we  have  made  some  ad- 
vance,  and  begin  to  dwell  in  it,  then  we  see  and  taste  of  the 


CHAP.  VIII.— FROM  A.  D.  1817  TO  1828.        277 

lovely  fruits  of  the  beautiful  vale.  There  dwells  the  rose  of 
Sharon  ;  there  run  the  waters  of  quietness  ;  there  sounds  the 
voice  of  the  Dove  of  peace  ;  there  stands  the  foot  of  the  cross, 
at  which  we  may  lie  and  cling  ;  and  hope  and  love  bring  into 
the  patient  soul  a  foretaste  of  heaven. 

"  Cease  not  to  pray  for  a  poor  burdened  creature,  who  longs 
to  be  clothed  upon  with  her  house  which  is  from  heaven. 

"  Ever  yours, 

"  S.  H." 

From  the  same  to  the  same. 

''It  is  not  because  my  time  has  been  m.uch  engaged  that  1 
have  not  sooner  written  to  my  beloved  sister,  but  because  I  am 
dead,  or  very  much   like  it.     I  sit  and  mourn  over  my  indis- 
posedness,  and   inability  to  make  any  good   use  of  my  time  ; 
for  I  seem  to  be  doing  nothing  for  time  or  eternity, — for  my- 
self or  others.     Oh,  that  I  might  experience  the  fulfilling  of 
that   promise, — 'They  shall    bring    forth  fruit   in    old  age !  * 
Mine  is  extreme  old  age,  though  1  am  but  little  past  the  prime 
of  life.    To  bear  fruit  in  its  season,  is  what  1  long  for.    Various 
and  different  are  the  seasons  of  christian  fruit-bearing, — ac- 
cording as  trials,  difiiculties,  and  temptations  vary.     The  fruit 
suitable  to  my  present  state  is,  as  you  say, — '  Full  and  entire  de- 
pendence upon  God  in  Christ,' — which  includes  every  grace. 
I  could  not  get  on  at  all,  but  should  sink  in  despair,  if  1  were 
not  enabled   simply  to  tell  my  Saviour  every  infirmity  and 
every  complaint.     Such  is  my  debility  and  languor,  that  when 
I  kneel  down  to  pray,  I  am  presently  overpowered  with  drowsi- 
ness,— so  that  I  am  like  one  talking  in  my  sleep.     This  I  tell 
Him.     I  am  sometimes  assisted  to  pray  best  in  my  chair  : 
but  it  is  a  heavy  burden  not  to  be  able  to  pray  on  my  knees. 
Yet  He  seeth  my  heart;  and  if  1  am  not  deceived,  He  sceth 
there  a  principle  which  Himself  hath  planted,  that  longeth  af- 
ter Him,  and  watcheth  for  Him  'as  they  watch  for  the  morn- 
ing ;'  so  that  after  all,  I  say  with  David,  '  This  is  my  infirmity, 
but  I  will  remember  the  years  of  the  right  hand  of  ihe  Most 
High.'     In  the  first  part  of  my  spiritual  pilgrimage,  notwith- 
standing some  troubles  and  conflicts,  I  went  on  my  way  rejoic- 
ing :  but  I  knew  little  of  my  own  evil  heart  and  corrupt  nature. 
In  the  middle  stage,  such  sort  of  afilictions  were  sent  me,  as 
discovered  to  me  my  ignorance  of  myself,  and  my  ignorance 
of  God,  and  his  work  of  salvation.     Rich  discoveries  did  He 
make  of  Himself  through  many  years  of  extreme  pain.     And 
24 


278  ME3I0IRS    OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

now  He  calls  me  to  be  '  as  a  weaned  child  ; '  not  only  weaned 
from  the  things  of  this  world, — for  those  have  been  taken 
away,  and  a  sentence  of  death  written  upon  all  that  remains  ; — 
but  weaned  from  creatures,  and  weaned  in  some  measure  from 
public  ordinances:  weaned  also  from  those  delightful,  animat- 
ing, vivid  actings  of  faith,  by  which  I  was  sometimes  made  to 
soar  as  the  eagle,  and  to  say  even  to  pain  and  suffering  <}e 
are  nothing.'  The  fruit  now  called  for,  is,  to  be  passive  as 
clay  in  the  hands  of  the  potter ;  to  say  to  every  comfort,  tem- 
poral and  spiritual,  '  Let  it  be  as  seemeth  Thee  good,  only  ac- 
complish thy  will.  Let  the  root  be  kept  alive,  and  the  tree  be 
kept  continually  green,  though  it  put  forth  no  blossoms.  Let 
me  no  longer  wrap  myself  up  in  any  fair  leaves  of  my  own, 
but  be  clothed  with  a  garment  which  has  no  defect.'  Yet  1 
fear  lest  spiritual  sloth  should  shelter  itself  under  this  bodily 
languor  ;  which  causes  many  a  deep  groan.  Rutherford  says, 
'  If  1  knew  that  my  Lord  had  withdrawn  himself  to  try  and 
stir  up  the  graces  of  faith,  I  could  endure  it :  but  1  fear  He  is 
smoked  out  of  the  house  by  the  flames  of  corruption.' 

"  Farewell,  yours  allectionately, 

"S.  H." 

In  the  latter  stage  of  her  long  and  weary  pilgrimage,  Mrs. 
Hawkes  notices  the  return  of  her  birth-day.  The  manner  in 
which  she  expressed  herself  on  the  subject  may  appear  strange 
to  persons  who  have  been  less  exercised  with  affliction:  and 
also  to  those  who  have  a  less  deep  impression  of  the  vanity 
and  emptiness  of  human  life,  further  than  as  it  is  enlightened 
and  relieved  by  grace; — the  effects  of  which  will  be  seen,  in 
checking  those  expressions  of  dissatisfaction  into  which  some 
of  the  best  of  men  have  fallen,  (as  in  the  cases  of  Job  and  Jere- 
miah,) and  also  in  cheering  the  decline  of  life ;  which  Mrs. 
Hawkes  acknowledges  in  the  following  memorandum: — 

Tuesday^  Oct.  13,  1818. — "  The  anniversary  of  the  day  of 
my  birth.  I  have,  for  years,  been  accustomed  to  pass  my 
birth-day  with  a  desire  to  forget  it:  because  to  me  it  was  the 
beginning  of  many  sorrows,  and  I  could  not  feel  thankful  that 
I  ever  had  a  being.  I  would  this  day  correct  myself,  and  ac- 
knowledge my  sin  and  ingratitude  on  this  account.  Had  it 
not  pleased  the  God  of  all  grace  to  grant  me  a  second,  new, 
and  spiritual  birth,  1  might  well  have  wished  with  Job,  that 
the  day  might  perish  wherein  1  was  born.  But  being,  as  I 
humbly  hope  and  believe,  born  again,  'to  an  inheritance  incor- 


CHAP.  VIII, FROM  A.  D.   1817  TO   1828.  279 

ruptible,  and  that  fadeth  not  away,'— I  ought  to  notice  this 
day  with  humiliation  and  praise. 

"  I  have  been  informed  that  my  dear  mother  dedicated  me 
to  God  from  the  womb  ;  blessed  be  God  for  such  a  mother ! 
I  have  also  been  told  that,  when  very  young,  I  had  a  danger- 
ous illness,  and  was  given  over  for  death ;  and  that  a  man  of 
God,  visiting  in  the  house,  prayed  for  me  with  great  wrestling; 
in  answer  to  whose  prayers,  together  with  those  of  my  dear 
mother,  I  seemed  to  be  raised  up  again.  This  kindness  I  have 
also  been  accustomed  to  pass  over  with  the  unhallowed  wish, 
that  they  had  spared  their  importunity. 

"And  now  what  is  the  language  of  my  heart  this  day,  in 
the  59th  year  of  my  age, — encompassed  with  weariness  and 
pain, — dwelling  in  a  tent  among  strangers;  with  nothing  to 
call  my  own  ? 

"  I  trust  my  heart  sincerely  utters  this  day,  both  in  the  re- 
membrance of  days  of  real  anguish  that  are  past,  and  under 
the  feeling  of  sullerings  that  still  continue,  '  Bless  the  Lord,  O 
my  soul,'  '  The  Lord  hath  dealt  bountifully  with  me.' 

"  With  increasing  light,  and  stronger  perceptions  of  the  evil 
of  sin,  I  read  over  the  catalogue,  (fearful  as  it  is,)  of  the  sins 
of  my  childhood,  youth,  and  riper  years;  and* of  those  espe- 
cially which  have  been  committed  since  I  was  made  a  parta- 
ker of  renewing  grace.  And  so  vividly  docs  the  eye  of  my 
mind  trace  sin  from  its  beginning,  that  I  should  fall  into  utter 
despair,  but  for  that  wonderful  declaration  of  mercy,  which 
through  the  power  of  failh,  I  am  enabled  to  believe, — '  I,  even 
I,  am  He  that  blottelh  out  thy  transgressions  for  mine  own  sake, 
and  will  not  remember  thy  sins.' 

"  This  month  twenty-two  years,  I  was  bereft  of  a  home, 
and  left  in  a  totally  dependent  state:  nineteen  years  ago  I  was 
visited  with  an  incurable  disease,  in  the  midst  of  strong  fears, 
and  weak  faith.  Oh  1  what  sorrows  have  I  passed  through  ! 
and  what  wonders  of  mercy  have  I  seen  ! 

"  Within  the  last  three  years,  my  mercies,  both  as  regards 
my  body  and  my  soul,  have  been  so  increased,  as  to  fill  me 
with  astonishment.  These  indeed  are  my  happiest,  my  best 
days;  because  the  Lord  has  satisfied  my  soul  with  Himself: 
In  Him  [  '  inherit  substance.'  He  has  so  wonderfully  provided 
for  me  the  kindest  relatives,  the  choicest  friends :  has  so  gra- 
ciously supplied  my  wants;  and  with  such  surprising  love 
draws  me  so  near  to  Himself, — that  I  can  truly  say,  all  I  want 
is  more  grace,  and  more  dcvotcdness  to  Him." 


280  ME3I0IRS    OF    MRS.   IIAWKES. 

Towards  the  close  of  the  year  1818,  writing  to  her  friend 
Mrs.  Y ,  who  was  suffering  under  bereavement,  she  con- 
cludes with  similar  expressions  of  gratitude  to  God  for  those 
consolations  which  were  afforded  during  the  night  of  her  afflic- 
tion : — 

.  "  Nothing,  my  dear  madam,  but  such  hindrances  as  were 
out  of  my  power  to  prevent,  would  have  occasioned  my  de- 
laying a  single  day,  to  reply  to  your  kind  and  mournful  note. 
I  both  condole  and  rejoice  with  you  in  sincere  and  affection- 
ate sympathy.  I  love  to  follow  a  departed  spirit,  known  or 
unknown,  into  the  blissful  presence  of  our  adorable  God  and 
Saviour;  and  though  all  human  thoughts  are  poor  and  grovel- 
ling, when  stretched  to  their  utmost  bounds,  in  conceivmg  of 
that  blessedness, — yet  1  find  it  profitable  to  be  much  occupied 
in  such  contemplations.  Alas!  how  are  the  wnngs  of  the  soul 
clogged,  and  enfeebled,  by  the  things  of  time  and  sense ! 
When,  in  some  favoured  moments,  faith  and  hope  begin  to  bear 
us  heavenward, — some  outward  circumstance  or  inward  evil, — 
some  temptation  from  Satan  or  from  the  world, — like  an  ar- 
row shot  at  a  soaring  bird, — stops  our  flight,  and  brings  us 
down  again  to  mourn  over  our  feebleness,  and  sad  propensity 
towards  earth.  Do  I  speak  your  feelings,  dear  madam,  or 
only  my  own  1  Your  impediments  and  mine,  are,  no  doubt, 
very  different.  You  have  to  contend  with  the  world  without, 
as  well  as  the  world  within.  I  find  I  must  never  lay  down 
my  shield  and  sword,  and  say,  '  Now  1  may  rest  awhile, — no 
enemy  is  stirring.'  The  spiritual  temple  of  our  souls  must  be 
reared  as  the  Israelites  built  up  the  wall — W'hile  one  hand 
wrought  in  the  work,  the  other  hand  held  a  weapon ;  and  in 
doing  this  we  may  say,  '  Surely  God  shall  fight  for  us.'  Our 
weapons  are  not  carnal  but  spiritual ;  and  the  premise  made 
'  to  him  that  overcomelh,'  is  firmer  than  heaven  and  earth. 
Let  us  therefore  not  be  discouraged;  but  under  every  failure, 
pray  for  strength  to  make  another  and  another  effort,  more 
strong  and  efiectual  than  the  last ; — remembering,  that  to  ns, 
as  well  as  to  Peter,  our  blessed  Intercessor  speaketh  the  same 
gracious,  heart-reviving  words,  'I  have  prayed  for  thee  that 
thy  faith  fail  not.' 

"  I  believe  I  shall  be  more  than  ever  a  prisoner  this  winter. 
Yet  I  have  no  cause  of  complaint  against  my  loving  and 
gracious  Lord,  whose  prisoner  1  trust  I  am:  for  He  giveth  me 
songs  in  the  night  of  my  affliction  ;  which  though  poorly  and 


CHAP.   VIII. FROM  A.  D.   1817  TO  1828.  281 

feebly  sung,  are  sufficient  to  cheer  my  suffering  hours  ;  and 
soon,  I  trust,  they  will  rise  to  other  and  purer  strains  of  never- 
ending  praise.  Oh,  how  should  our  heart  exult  in  redeeming 
love  !  When  we  reflect  what  we  are  saved /ro77i,  and  what  is 
the  hope  set  before  us  in  the  ever-blessed  Gospel,  there  should 
be  no  bounds  to  our  praises  ! " 

A  short  memorandum  written  on  Christmas-day,  shall  close 
this  year. 

Dec.  25,  1818.— <'  This  has  been  a  day  of  trial  and  afflic- 
tion from  without,  and  oppression  from  pain  and  disease  with- 
'in.  Yet,  blessed  be  the  Father  of  mercies,  my  thoughts  have 
been  raised  above  my  troubles,  and  have  been  following  the 
glorious  subjects  of  this  important  season.  The  transactions, — 
as  recorded"  in  the  history  of  the  blessed  Saviour's  birth, — 
have  passed  as  bright  rays  through  my  mind.  When  1  think 
of  the  '  Brightness  of  the  Father's  gloi'y,'  shrouded  in  infant 
flesh,— a  babe  in  a  manger, — the  mystery  overwhelms  me; — 
but  when  I  view  that  glorious  Infant*  and  consider  the  love  and 
pity  that  brought  Him  down,  to  become  '  bone  of  our  bone,  and 
flesh  of  our  flesh,'— I  leave  the  mystery  and  embrace  the  fact ; 
adding  my  feeble  voice  to  those  who  sang,  '  Glory  to  God  in 
the  highest,'  &c.  And,  oh!  that  this  same  Jesus  may  accept,— 
not  costly  spices  and  gold, — but  the  sighs  of  a  contrite  heart, 
and  the  flowings  out  of  love  and  gratitude,  and  self-dedication. 
I  anticipate  passing  the  next  Christmas-day  in  adoration  at  his 
blessed  feet  in  heaven  !  " 

This  anticipation  was  not  realized:  but  the  solemn  medita- 
tions which,  at  this  time,  occupied  Mrs.  Hawkes's  mind,  were 
made  a  means  of  her  still  further  sanctification,  and  more  en- 
tire mectness  for  that  coming  of  her  Lord,  which  she  was 
'  looking  for  and  hasting  unto.'  On  entering  the  new  year, 
she  writes  as  follows: — 

Jan.  1819.—"  It  is  with  feelings  of  peculiar  solemnity  that  I 
take  leave  of  the  old,  and  enter  upon  the  new  year.  I  seem 
to  have  something  more  than  my  usual  impression  that,  before 
this  year  is  closed,  my  eyes  will  be  closed  in  death;  and  I  de- 
sire to  encourage  the  expectation,  that  1  may  be  found  ready 
at  the  awful  moment  of  my  call. 

"  My  thoughts,  for  a  long  season,  have  dwelt  on  death  and 
on  eternity  ;  1  seem  to  have  even  now  a  footing  there.  So  far 
24* 


282  ME3I0IRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

are  these  thoughts  from  depressing  my  spirits,  that  they  bear 
up  my  mind  above  my  sufferings,  (which  are  now  more  than 
ever  sharp  and  prevailing,)  just  as  the  wings  of  a  bird  support 
and  assist  him  in  his  flight. 

"  Glory,  honour,  and  praise  be  unto  Him,  who  hath  swal- 
lowed up  death  in  victory  !  and  who  hath  opened  the  kingdom 
of  heaven  to  all  believers.  Blessed  be  God  for  Jesus  Christ; 
blessed  be  Jesus  Christ  for  the  gift  of  himself!  and  for  the 
gift  of  that  living  faith,  which  unites  the  soul  to  him  our  liv- 
ing head." 

Though  Mrs.  Hawkes  was  able  to  look  beyond  the  grave 
with  a  sure  and  certain  hope  of  a  joyful  resurrection,  yet  she 
had  fears  respecting  the  act  of  dying,  of  which  she  often 
spoke  ;  and  these  fears  were  increased  by  the  prospect  of  that 
severe  suffering  which  she  was  likely  to  experience  in  the  lat- 
ter stages  of  her  complaint.  In  the  following  extracts  from 
letters  to  Mrs.  Jones,  abounding  as  ihey  are  in  joyful  hope, 
the  reader  will  perceive  some  allusion  to  a  natural  fear  of  death. 
She  writes : — 

"  I  have  no  cordial  from  below  the  skies  so  sweet  as  that 
afforded  me  by  my  dearest  sister's  letters  ;  nor  are  they  earthly 
cordials,  for  they  raise  my  heart  to  heaven.  They  bring  my 
beloved  sister  into  my  company,  with  her  usual  language  of 
feeling  and  aflection,  and  a  mind  spiritually  tuned.  I  am 
thankful  to  taste  so  much  pleasure,  though  far  short  of  what 
would  be  conveyed  by  actual  seeing  and  hearing:  but  to  this 
we  shall  soon  attain  in  its  full  perfection.  If  it  be  the  Divine 
will,  I  could  wish  vve  might  both  set  sail  at  the  same  moment, 
and  meet  in  our  Father's  kingdom,  to  prostrate  ourselves  in 
heavenly  union  at  the  feet  of  our  adorable  Saviour;  uttering 
with  one  heart  and  voice,  praise,  and  glory,  and  honour,  for 
his  great  salvation.  I  want  more  simply,  and  actually,  to 
realize  this  expectation.  Sometimes  1  seem,  for  a  moment,  to 
reach  towards  it;  but  such  favours  are  transient.  Yet  they 
give  vigour  to  hope  and  prayer.  I  dare  not  try  to  realize  the 
actual  moment  of  departure;  spectres  hover  about  a  dying  pil- 
low. I  therefore  endeavour  to  look  first  if  my  lamp  be  burn- 
ing, and  my  loins  girded,  and  if  my  grasp  of  the  Saviour  be 
firm  :  and  then  carry  my  sight  within  the  veil,  leaving  the 
river  behind. 

'  Faith  builds  a  bridge  across  the  gulf  of  death, 
To  break  the  shock  which  nature  needs  must  feel.'^ 

*  Young's  Night  Thoughts. 


i 


CHAP.  VIII FROM  A.  D.  1817  TO  1828.        283 

Or  rather,  it  walks  with  trembling  steps  over  the  bridge  already 
built  by  the  God  of  truth  ;  it  ought  to  walk  with  Oijirm  step  ; 
and  if  it  may  please  Him  so  to  order,  so  it  shall  be,  when  the 
time  for  going  over  is  really  at  hand." 

Mrs.  Hawkes  probably  here  refers  to  those  deepened  im- 
pressions  of  the  heinous  nature  of  sin,  and  those  clearer  views 
of  the  majesty,  purity,  and  justice  of  God,  which  are  often  pre- 
sented to  the  mind  on  a  dying  bed  ;  and  which  bring  forward 
past  offences,  Wke  "spectres"  hovering  round  the  conscious 
soul,  while  looking  through  the  thinning  veil  of  flesh,  into  an 
awful  eternity.  Satan  also,  "the  accuser  of  the  brethren,"  is 
sometimes  permitted  to  assault  and  terrify  the  dyino;  Christian, 
with  peculiar  temptations.  He  takes  advantage  of  those  re- 
mains of  the  spirit  of  bondage,  "  through  fear  of  death,"  which 
have  a  tendency  to  enfeeble,  benumb,  and  chill  with  horror,  at 
thoughts  of  the  iransilion  ;  and  endeavours  to  keep  the  be- 
liever from  a  comfortable  remembrance  of  Him,  who  saith, 
"  Deliver  him  from  going  down  to  the  pit ;  for  I  have  found  a 
ransom."  Thus  the  "  powers  of  darkness"  have  their  "  hour;" 
and  are  allowed,  for  a  moment,  to  eclipse  that  Sun  of  Right- 
eousness, which  is  about  to  burst  with  glory  on  the  emanci- 
pated soul.  This  last  conflict,  however,  though  sharp,  is 
usually  shoj't :  and  Satan  being  finally  cast  down,  the  mind  of 
the  waiting  Christian  is  filled  with  heavenly  expectations,  of 
"  an  abundant  entrance  into  the  everlasting  kingdom  of  our 
Lord  and  Saviour  Jesus  Christ."  Many  blessed  anticipations 
of  the  beatific  vision  were,  from  time  to  time,  affijrded  Mrs. 
Hawkes  during  her  pilgrimage  here  below,  which  led  her  to 
"  speak  of  the  glory  of  the  kingdom,"  as  in  the  following  letter 
to  Mrs.  Jones  : — 

"  As  the  refreshing  showers  to  the  thirsty  ground,  so  is 
every  letter  of  my  beloved  sister  to  my  spirit.  I  have  much 
communion  with  you  ;  and  I  am  thankful  that  1  am  able,  in 
any  measure,  to  meet  your  experience;  and  that  there  is  a  sa- 
cred chord  in  my  heart  so  in  unison  with  yours,  that  it  vibrates 
at  your  heavenly  touch,  and  sounds  out  in  songs  of  praise  to 
him  who  hath  united  us,  in  and  to  himself,  in  the  bonds  of  the 
everlasting  Covenant.  Yes,  glory  and  blessing  be  to  Jehovah, 
our  Lord  !  we  are  fast  advancing  under  the  same  gracious 
Leader,  to  a  land  of  pure  delight  ;  where  we  shall  be  ready  to 
say  to  each  other, '  Tune  your  harp,  my  sister,  to  higher  notes.' 
Nor   to  all  eternity  shall   we  be  able  to  fathom  this  ocean  of 


284  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

grace  and  love,  though  we  should  be  advancing  in  knowledge 
with  all  the  rapidity  and  power  of  heavenly  faculties.  I  have 
been  much  occupied  in  endeavourinoj  to  contemplate  that  glo- 
rious majesty,  who,  because  he  is  infinite,  can  never  be  com- 
prehended by  the  highest  archangel.  What  an  idea  is  pre- 
sented to  the  mind  by  the  stupendous  terms,  Injinitej  Eternal! 
O  Time!  thou  single  moment  of  duration!  strange  that  so 
many  thoughts  and  contrivances  should  be  devoted  to  thee! 
Soon  shall  it  be  said  to  each  of  us,  as  well  as  to  millions  be- 
sides, '  Time  shall  be  no  longer.'  Your  wings  are  already 
stretched  ;  and  mine  I  am  endeavouring  to  stretch,  ready  to 
soar  away  at  the  glad  signal.  Let  us,  (but  it  is  hard  work,) 
look  over  Jordan's  narrow  passage  to  that  celestial  city,  whose 
glorious  light  we  behold,  though  but  as  a  twinkling  star,  through 
faith's  telescope. 

"  The  painful  and  strange  symptoms  which  my  complaint 
puts  forth,  do  indeed  often  fill  me  with  fearful  e.\[)ectations. 
And  when  faith  fails,  and  my  eye  turns  downwards,  my  knees 
are  ready  to  smite  together,  and  my  flesh  and  heart  to  fail. 
That  sweet  promise  has  comforted  me,  '  When  thou  passest 
through  the  waters  1  will  be  with  thee,  and  through  the  rivers 
they  shall  not  overflow  thee.'  I  seem  now  but  just  entering 
the  heat  of  the  battle;  pray  for  me,  that  if  it  please  Him,  the 
combat  may  be  short,  and  the  shout  of  victory  quickly  suc- 
ceed. 

"  I  have  many  who  come  to  talk  with  me;  and  tlie  feeling 
of  my  inability  helps  to  teach  me  dependence.  Every  day  1 
repeat,  mostly  in  the  very  words  of  Solomon,  '  1  am  a  little 
child,  give  me  wisdom.'  Let  the  words  that  I  speak  be  not 
my  words,  but  such  as  Thou  shall  give  me  to  speak. 

"  Adieu, 

"S.  H." 

On  the  subject  of  death  Mrs.  Hawkes  ai^ain  expresses  her 

views  and  feelings,  in  a  letter  to  her  friend   Mrs.  C tt,  to 

whom  she  writes  in  the  month  of  March,  1819,  as  follows: — 

"  I  do  not  know  much  of  the  feelings  you  mention  respecting 
*  the  body  being  laid  in  the  grave,  the  food  of  worms.'  I  have 
been  so  accustomed  to  think  of  the  body  as  a  mere  lump  of 
clay,  soon  to  be  mingled  as  '  dust  with  dust,  and  ashes  with 
ashes,'  having  nothing  remaining  of  iis  former  self,  except 
what  is  necessary  to  its  identity,  until  it  shall  be  raised  a  glo- 
rious body : — that  it  always  ranks  in  my  mind  with  other  ma- 


CHAP.  viir. — FROM  A.  D.  1817  TO  1828.  285 

terial  substances,  of  no  value  beyond  their  present  use.  My 
delight,  and  effort,  is  to  contemplate  the  new  and  surprising 
powers  of  the  disembodied  spirit,  landed  in  a  region  of  i)urc  de- 
Jight,  where  its  faculties  will  be  in  full  perfection;  and  where, 
as  I  conceive,  it  will  with  intensity  of  desire,  and  inconceivable 
vigour  and  speed,  be  still  stretching  forward  to  explore  the 
wonders  and  glories  of  heaven ;  and  especially,  to  attain  a 
more  perfect  knowledge  of  Him,  who  as  the  only  uncreated, 
self-subsisting  Being,  must,  to  all  eternity,  be  incomprehensi- 
ble to  a  finite  creature.  Surely,  to  be  filled  with  love,  and  to 
be  discovering  the  glorious  attributes  of  Deity,  in  our  Father's 
house,  as  his  redeemed  children, — to  whom  he  will  delight  to 
make  known  the  things  of  the  kingdom,  and  himself  as  the 
one,  everlasting,  Triune  God, — will  furnish  us  with  delightl^ul 
employment  through  never-ending  ages.  To  look  into  these 
things,  constitutes  our  happiest  moments  in  this  life;  and  to 
these  sublime  and  joyful  contemplations,  should  our  minds  be 
directed  with  all  possible  endeavour.  But  alas!  darkness,  in- 
firmity, anxiety,  and  the  predominancy  of  sensible  objects  over 
those  of  faith,  together  with  the  remains  of  our  carnal  nature, 
prevent  our  dwelling  on  these  animating  themes,  and  shut  out 
the  rays  of  this  glorious  abode.  Yet,  blessed  be  his  name,  the 
Sun  of  Righteousness  is  arisen ;  and  the  heavenly  beams 
which  he  condescends,  by  the  Holy  Spirit,  to  dart  into  our 
prison-house,  fill  our  souls  with  the  only  true  joy  we  experience, 
and  eclipse  all  the  false  glare  and  splendour  of  this  world  :  and 
we  know,  and  rejoice,  that  this  true  light  shall  shine  more  and 
more  unto  the  perfect  day.  Blessed  Saviour,  assist  us  to  open 
every  door  and  window  of  our  souls,  that  we  may  be  full  of 
light !  and  then  we  shall  be  full  of  love  ;  and  be  daily  changed 
into  the  image  of  him  whose  name  is  Love. 

"  I  must  not  however  omit  to  say,  that  I,  as  well  as  my  beloved 
friend,  have  some  disquieting  ideas  about  death.  These  are 
attached  to  the  actual  season  of  departure,  the  time  of  dying, 
chiefly  as  touching  the  derangement,  incoherence,  and  weak- 
ness, that  then  sits  in  full  triumph  over  all  that  has  distinguished 
the  human  character.  But  I  allow  not  such  cogitations :  my 
Saviour  has  promised  to  be  with  his  sheep  as  a  guide  and 
guardian  through  the  dark  valley.  Of  whom  then,  and  of 
what,  should  we  be  afraid  '?  Dying  grace  is  promised  to  dying 
times  ;  and  when  we  were  graciously  told,  '  to  take  no  thought 
for  the  morrow,' — this,  and  every  other  anxiety  was  alike  ibr- 
biddcn.  Oh,  my  beloved  sister,  in  this  vale  of  tears  I  let  us  not 
faint  and  grow  weary  in  our  minds  ; — our  difficulties,  dangers, 


286  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

and  impediments  in  our  heavenly  progress,  are  doubtless  many 
and  oppressive  ;  but  if  we  are  disciples  of  Christ,  and  are  livina; 
as  such,  we  live  for  a  glorious  purpose, — even  to  be  witnesses 
for  Him  who  loved  us,  and  gave  himself  for  us, —  and  whom 
we  can  never,  never,  love  as  we  ought." 

****** 

In  the  year  1820,  Mrs,  Hawkes  was  called  to  part  with  her 
beloved  sister,  Mrs.  Jones.  A  short  time  before  this  aged 
christian  was  taken  to  her  rest,  she  had  a  serious  illness;  but 
upon  a  temporary  revival  she  writes  to  Mrs.  Hawkes: — "I 
am,  through  favour,  getting  better  from  my  late  illness.  In 
the  entrance  into  my  affliction,  I  felt  as  if  in  the  peaceful  fountain 
of  love;  and  I  have  had  more  enjoyment  than  pain  all  through  it. 
When  He  giveth  peace  who  then  can  give  trouble  ?  A  free 
gift  indeed  to  sinners  I  '  By  grace  are  ye  saved.'  I  am  now 
able  to  bear  the  converse  of  my  christian  friends ;  and  it  does 
me  good,  because  they  are  of  my  Father's  family.  1  am  daily 
endeavouring  to  realize  my  age, — for  surely  there  is  but  a 
step  between  me  and  death.  If  you  go  first,  I  shall  speedily 
follow;  and  I  trust  you  will  welcome  me  into  the' blessed  assem- 
bly. Remember  for  your  comfort,  those  will  be  nearest  the 
throne,  who  '  came  out  of  great  tribulation.'  May  the  Lord 
give  my  sister  such  spiritual  views  of  the  eternal  '  weight  of 
glory,'  that  she  may  account  her  sufferings  upon  earth  '  not 
worthy  to  be  compared'  wath  such  boundless  bliss!" 

The  following  letter  addressed  to  Mrs.  Jones  during  her  tem- 
porary convalescence,  brings  to  a  close  the  interesting  and 
edifying  correspondence  of  these  two  sisters,  Mrs.  Hawkes 
writes : — 

"  Happy  and  thankful  am  I  to  hear,  that  a  heavenly  efficacy 
has  been  given  to  the  means  used  for  the  recovery  of  my  dear 
sister's  health  ;  and  I  trust  the  cure  will  be  fully  confirmed  by 
a  change  of  air.  I  have  begun  to  go  out  a  little,  after  a  priva- 
tion of  nearly  five  months  ;  and  have  been  once  or  twice  in 
St.  John's  Chapel.  But  I  make  poor  work  of  it,  and  must,  I 
fear,  quite  give  up  the  attempt; — though  it  will  be  with  much 
reluctance ;  for  it  has  been  my  constant  prayer,  that  as  long 
as  life  is  spared,  I  may  worship  in  God's  holy  temple.  Glorious 
manifestations  of  Himself,  as  revealed  in  his  beloved  Son,  have 
you  and  I  been  favoured  with,  in  the  sanctuary.  And  now 
blessed  be  his  name,  which  is  faithfulness  and  truth  !  we  are, 
by  the  same  divine  favour,  enabled  to  bear  witness,  that  the 


CHAP.  VIII — riio3i  A.  D,  1817  to  1828.  287 

Lord  is  not  confined  to  temples  made  with  hands, — but  that  He 
is  nigh  unto  all  that  call  upon  Him  :  so  nigh,  as  to  unite  Him- 
self to  them  in  a  mysterious  and  sacred  oneness,  far  above  all 
human  comprehension,  and  far  above  human  language  to  de- 
scribe. How  has  Rutherford  borne  testimony  to  this  effect ! 
as  also  the  noble  army  of  martyrs, — and  the  whole  true 
church,  before  and  since  their  time.  The  flames, — the  low 
dungeon, — the  sick  chamber, — the  dying  bed, — have  often 
been  made  a  Bethel,  and  the  very  gate  of  heaven.  All  1  de- 
sire is,  that  these  heavenly  favours  should  be  permanent  instead 
of  transient:  but  for  this  we  must  wait  as  well  as  pray.  It 
is  promised  that  even  the  '  last  enemy'  shall  not  harm  us — 
for  '  He  shall  swallow  up  death  in  victory.'  '  All  things,  O 
Christian,'  says  an  old  writer,  '  are  thine,  and  shall  work  to- 
gether for  thy  good.  Life's  distresses, — languishing  and  final 
period,  the  time,  manner,  and  every  circumstance  of  thy  death, 
are  among  the  blessings  purchashed  for  thee  by  the  precious 
blood  of  Christ.  Death  and  the  grave  could  not  be  in  the  saint's 
inventory  of  blessings,  or  in  the  triumph  of  his  faith,  had  not 
the  cross  of  Christ  destroyed  all  that  was  evil  in  them,  and 
made  them  friendly  and  harmless  to  his  people.' 

"  This  assurance  to  such  as  you  and  1,  drawing  near  the  close 
of  life  is  very  comforting.  My  mind  dwells  much  on  death  ; 
and  I  want  to  learn  with  the  blessed  apostle  to  '  die  daily.' 
This  heavy  body  makes  me  long  for  freedom  ;  but  this  is  not 
the  sanctified  motive  for  wishing  to  be  gone.  There  is  more 
resignation-work  for  me  to  practise ;  pray  for  me  that  I  may 
be  a  better  pupil. 

"  Ever  vours. 

"S.  H." 

Although  Mrs.  Hawkes's  very  afieclionate  disposition  ren- 
dered her  all  through  life  peculiarly  susceptible  of  grief, — yet 
towards  the  end  of  her  course,  near  views  of  eternity  enabled 
her  so  to  realize  a  happy  re-union  with  her  christian  friends 
and  relatives  in  the  heavenly  world,  that  she  could  look  on 
the  intervals  of  separation  as  momenta?-!/.  After  the  death  of 
Mrs.  Jones  she  thus  refers  to  the  subject,  when  writing  to  her 
nephew  Mr.  E.  T.  Jones  : — 

"  Ah !  your  sainted  mother  used  to  animate  us  all  by  her 
sweet  letters,  and  help  us  by  her  prayers!  and  we  should  re- 
member that  this  office  of  love  now  devolves  upon  such  as  are 
left  behind.     Love  one  another,  and  help  one  another,  arc  Di- 


288  MEr.ioiES  OP  mrs.  hawkes. 

vine  injunctions.  I  trust,  my  dear  nephew,  that  3^ou  feel  an 
increasing  love  and  gratitude  to  the  God  of  all  grace,  that  he 
hath  'called  you  out  of  darkness  into  his  marvellous  light.' 
It  is  indeed  mai'velloiis  light  I  which  'shinelh  more  and  more 
unto  the  perfect  day  :'  and  what  that  perfect  day  is,  '  it  hath  not 
entered  into  the  heart  of  man  to  conceive.'  I  long  that  the  veil 
which  obscures  it  from  shining  on  my  soul,  should  be  taken 
away.  1  long  to  widen  the  poor  narrow  crevices  of  my  heart, 
which  admit  only  a  glimmering  ray,  that  it  may  he  filled  with 
light.  I  long  to  be  with  her  who  now  rejoices  in  the  full  blaze 
of  day.  Let  us  not  seek  her  among  the  dead,  but  among  the 
living ;  and  trim  our  lamps  afresh,  and  listen  for  the  bride- 
groom's coming;  for  He  will  come,  and  how  soon  we  know 
not.  To  me,  aweary  pilgrim,  'Come,  Lord  Jesus,  come 
quickly.'  " 

While,  however,  faith  was  thus  endeavouring  to  follow  the 
departed  spirit  with  congratulation,  the  depression  which  this  loss 
produced  on  Mrs.  Hawkes's  animal  spirits,  is  naturally  expressed 

in  a  letter  to  her  valued  friend,  Mrs.  Y ,  to  whom  in  the 

month  of  August,  1820,  she  thus  writes: — 

*»  Your  remark  is  true,  and  I  feel  it  more  than  I  even  expect- 
ed, '  that  while  faith  may  be  mercifully  strengthened,  nature 
is  weak '  and  in  such  an  enfeebled  state  as  mine,  it  fails  on 
every  touch  of  new  excitement  and  agitation.  Through  infi- 
nite goodness,  I  am  not  greatly  depressed  :  yet  a  pensive- 
ness,  which  I  feel  it  necessary  to  guard  against,  lest  it  should 
degenerate  into  a  fixed  sadness,  hovers  over  my  mind,  and 
proves  how  much  I  am  enfeebled,  and  shaken  like  the  reed  by 
every  passing  breath.  1  trust  however  that,  by  divine  help, 
this  sorrowful  event  will  be  numbered  among  the  '  all  things' 
that  shall 'work  together  for  good.'  ^\'hatever  operates  to 
bring  the  eternal  world  into  closer  contact  with  the  mind,  and 
leads  the  soul  to  cling  with  a  more  tender  and  strong  adherence 
to  the  blessed  Saviour, —  and  opens  wider  the  eye  of  faith,  to 
see  Him  stooping  from  his  mercy-seat,  to  mark,  and  watch 
over  every  event  and  circumstance ,  and  the  ear  of  faith,  to 
hear  him  inwardly  proclaim,  '  In  ihe  w'orld  ye  shall  have  tribu- 
lation, but  in  me  ye  shall  have  peace;' — whatever  may  be  ac- 
companied with  these  salutary  effects,  must  be  a  blessing,  how- 
ever painful  to  sense  and  nature." 

Mrs.  Hawkes  again  alludes  to  the  death  of  her  sister,  on  the 
return  of  her  birth-day. 


i 


CHAP.  VIII. FR03I  A.  D.   1817  TO  1828.  289 

Oct.  13,  1820. — "  Another  year  of  increased  burden,  feeble- 
ness, and  suffering,  is  accomplished  !  Wonders  of  mercy  rise 
upon  me  ;  wonders  of  ill-deservings  ; — wonders  of  divine  pity 

and  favour  ! 

*  *  *  *  *  * 

"  Oh  that  I  had  tlie  wings  of  a  dove,  that  I  might  flee  away, 
and  unite  with  my  ever  beloved,  and  now  glorified  sister,  in 
songs  of  praise  'to  Him  who  hath  hived  us!'  Sweetly  her 
voice  vibrates  in  my  ear,.  '  sister-spirit,  come  away.'  T  am 
waiting  on  the  solemn  shore  of  Jordan's  flood,  till  a  sweeter, 
stronger  voice  shall  say,  '  Launch  out  into  the  deep;'  '  Be  not 
afraid  ; '  '  Lo,  I  am  with  you  always  ;'  '  It  is  I,  be  not  afraid.' 
— Amen.     Come,  Lord  Jesus,  come  quickly." 

From  the  perusal  of  various  letters,  it  appears  that  much  of 
Mrs.  Hawkes's  correspondence,  during  the  year  1821,  was 
dictated  by  the  desire  to  assist  some  young  persons  from  the 
country,  who  were  in  need  of  recommendation.  Her  exten- 
sive acquaintance  opened  to  her  this  opportunity  of  usefulness  : 
and  her  benevolence  of  mind  made  her  ready  thus  to  employ 
her  energies  whenever  called  upon  to  do  so.  At  the  close  of 
the  followinng  letter  to  Mrs.  Y ,  she  refers  to  this  sub- 
ject :— 

June  25,  1821. 

"  My  dear  Madam, 

"Day  after  day,  for  some  weeks  past,  1  have  attempted  to 
write,  but  have  been  always  hindered  after  proceeding  a  few 
lines;  and  I  have  also  waited  for  that  retirement,  and  full  com- 
posure of  mind,  which  renders  communication  with  a  dear 
christian  friend  doubly  profitable.  I  wish,  both  in  speaking 
and  writing,  to  be  under  the  best  influence.  It  is  easy  to  find 
words;  but  unless  they  are  accompanied  by  a  lively  impres- 
sion upon  the  heart,  nothing  is  conveyed  to  any  purpose. 
Alas!  what  various  circumstances  and  occurrences  are  every 
day  arising,  that  tend  to  damp  those  sweet  and  heavenly  im- 
pressions with  which  we  may  be  enabled  to  begin  the  day  ! 
After  some  favoured  moments  of  morning  blessings,  1  have 
thought, — surely  I  shall  be  strong  m  the  Lord  through  the  day, 
and  shall  suffer  no  inferior  things  to  call  ofl'  my  mind,  or  dis- 
turb the  inward  peace  that  has  now  been  so  graciously  afford- 
ed !  Yet  sad  to  say,  ere  the  evening  returns,  I  resemble  the 
dry  leaf,  which  is  blown  to  and  fro  with  every  wind  ; — and 
25 


290  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

before  I  lay  down  my  head  on  my  pillow  at  night,  I  can  only 
creep  to  the  foot  of  the  blessed  cross,  ashamed  to  come  there 
again  and  again,  with  spotted,  rent,  and  polluted  garments, — 
repeating  the  same  cry,  '  God  be  merciful  to  me  a  sinner  !' 
Oh,  deal  not  with  me  according  to  my  deserts,  but  according 
to  the  infinite  value  of  that  precious  sacrifice,  to  which  I  flee 
for  acceptance  I  Ah  !  my  dearest  madam,  neither  the  tongues 
of  men,  nor  angels,  can  ever  adequately  declare  the  wonders 
of  redeeming  love  !  nor  the  free  access  that  is  vouchsafed  to 
the  penitent  and  mourning  sinner,  when  presenting  his  feeble 
supplications  ;  and  when  standing  at  mercy's  door,  covered  with 
shame  and  self-loathing,  he  is  enabled  to  make  fresh  applica- 
tion to  the  blood  of  sprinkling, — and  to  cry,  Wash  me  yet 
again,  that  I  may  be  whiter  than  snow.  Adored  be  sovereign 
grace  and  mercy,  often  have  we  in  such  sacred  seasons  heard 
the  blessed  Saviour's  voice,  saying,  '  go  in  peace! '  '  I  will ; 
be  thou  clean  ! '  Oh  that  on  every  occasion,  to  the  end  of  life, 
we  may  ever  hear  his  voice,  and  follow  it  uprightly, — intelli- 
gently,— and  unreservedly  ! 

"  I  think  I  may  say,  no  day  passes  in  which  you  are  not 
more  or  less  in  my  thoughts,  and  more  especially  on  the  Sab- 
bath. I  know  that  you  are  longing,  like  myself,  to  be  led  into 
those  green  pastures,  and  fed  with  that  feast  of  fat  things,  for- 
merly granted  to  us.  I  trust,  however,  that  you  are  with  open 
mouth  receiving  large  supplies  of  living  water  more  imme- 
diately from  the  Fountain  of  Life.  Ah  how  gratuitously  is  it 
offered  !  How  sweet  and  ursjent  the  condescendino;  invitation 
to  come  and  partake  of  it  freely  ! 

"  I  do  yet  hope  for  the  favour  and  pleasure  of  personal 
communion  with  you,  my  dear  madam, — such  as  I  have  been 
indulged  with  in  time  past,  and  which  I  highly  value,  and 
very  gratefully  estimate.  I  have  longed  to  communicate  with 
you  by  letter,  but  have  had  innumerable  interruptions.  I  have 
been  anxiously  engaged  of  late  in  writing  letters  of  inquiry, 
and  also  advertizing  in  the  public  papers,  in  the  earnest  hope 
of  obtaining  a  situation  for  a  young  friend  as,  preparatory 
governess.  I  have  applied  to  Mr.  Hatchard,  and  in  every 
quarter  I  could,  but  without  success ;  and  I  must  now  let  my 
young  friend  return  home,  (though  so  far  distant  as  Glouces- 
tershire,) where  she  must  wait  until  something  eligible  offers: 
for  I  really  can  do  no  more  for  her  at  present.  1  can  com- 
fortably recommend  her  as  a  confidential  character,  and  I  trust 
that  a  kind  providence  will,  ere  long,  interfere  on  her  behalf. 


CHAP.  VIII FROM  A.  D.  1817  TO  1828.       291 

"  May  the  Great  Shepherd  of  his  sheep  bless  and  keep  you, 
my  dear  madam,  nigh  unto  himself,  and  ever  lead  you  by  the 
waters  of  comfort!  prays, 

"  Your  truly  attached  friend  and  servant, 

"  S.  H." 

To  a  friend  at  Dover  she  writes,  in  the  month  of  October,  as 
follows  : — 

"  In  younger  years  I  should  have  been  delighted  in  being 
with  you  at  Dover :  for  like  yourself  I  admire  it  greatly.  My 
beloved  sister  Jones,  and  I,  once  spent  a  few  weeks  there,  and 
enjoyed  it  much.  Your  taste  for  the  picturesque  would  have 
increased  my  pleasure  sevenfold.  I  have  still  the  fine  sea  and 
cliffs  in  my  eye.  But  at  pressent,  I  am  gazing  on,  and  1  hope 
diving  into,  an  ocean  without  bottom  or  boundary  :  and  I  am 
looking  and  climbing,  (in  effort  at  least,)  that  Rock  which  is 
higher  than  I ;  and  which  shall  stand  unshaken  when  the  sea 
shall  be  dried  up,*nd  when  mountains  shall  depart,  and  fall 
and  moulder  away.  In  proportion  as  success  is  afforded  me 
in  this  effort,  all  below  sinks  into  mere  nothingness. 

"  I  rejoice  to  hear  that  your  health  is  better.  To  be  called 
to  great  exertion  with  small  strength,  is  very  wearing.  Yet, 
were  health  and  strength  best  for  us,  wc  have  an  Almighty 
Friend,  able  and  ready  to  bestow  them.  We  must  therefore 
believe,  that  there  is  a  sufficient  reason  for  our  present  dispen- 
sation, and  endeavour  to  get  all  the  good  which  it  is  designed 
to  yield.  It  is  far  less  easy  for  energetic  minds  to  abound  in 
passive  graces  than  in  active ;  yet  the  one  are  as  important  as 
the  other,— and,  in  their  place,  equally  pleasing  to  the  Divine 
mind.  I  trust  you  are  making  advancement  in  higher  studies 
than  any  this  poor  world  can  furnish.  How  different  is  the 
elevation!  and  how  different  the  effects!  The  mind  soon 
grows  giddy,  and  thus  sinks  into  degradation,  on  attaining  any 
spot  of  earthly  advancement;  but  in  proportion  as  we  climb 
that  Rock,  which  is  so  high  that  none  can  sec  its  summit,  the 
elevation  only  serves  to  sink  us  lower  in  self-loathing,  and  real 
humiliation.  "'  It  is  in  the  lowly  valley  wc  find  the  truest  riches. 
Sweet  humility  !  sweet  to  be  of  a  lowly  mind  !  I  long  for  it, — 
I  am  in  love  with  it.  I  am,  I  trust,  seeking  after  it.  This  is 
far  beyond  all  other  attainments,  however  splendid.  '  To  this 
man  will  I  look.'  Ah,  with  what  fiivour  docs  the  Divine  eye 
beam  on  one  that  is  truly  '  poor  in  spirit,  and  that  '  trembleth 
at  His  word.'  with  filial  fear,  love,  and  faith! 


292  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

"  I  am  enquiring  for  a  serious  family  into  which  I  wish  to  in- 
troduce a  young  lady  as  finishing  governess;  and  1  shall  be 
much  obliged  by  your  assistance.  1  want  also  a  good  situa- 
tion for  an  upper  servant  who  has  lived'  several  years  in  her 
last  place. 

"The  description  you  give  me  of  your  proceedings,  fills  my 
mind  with  interest.  Surely  the  hand  of  a  gracious  Faiher  has 
hitherto  directed  your  steps  !  Oh,  may  His  grace  be  given  unto 
you  in  an  abundant  measure  !  enabling  you  to  give  up  your- 
self wholly,  and  unreservedly  to  be  His  dedictaled  and  obedient 
child,  and  causing  all  your  words,  and  ways,  to  be  directed  to 
His  glory. 

"  Farewell,  my  dearest  one.  I  must  force  my  pen  out  of 
my  hand,  or  I  shall  soon  fill  another  sheet.  My  complaints 
are  very  predominating;  I  would  therefore  trim  my  lamp  con- 
tinually, ready  for  the  welcome  call, '  Come  up  higher.'" 

The  severe  pain  and  illness  which  Mrs.  Hawkes  suffered  to- 
wards the  close  of  the  year  1821,  led  her 'to  think,  that  the 
time  of  her  departure  could  not  be  far  distant.  Under  such 
impressions  she  seems  to  have  written  the  following  lines: — 

Dec.  1S21. — "Behold  thy  waiting  servant,  Lord  !  waiting 
in  extreme  feebleness,  and  bodily  decay,  for  the  fulfilment  of 
thy  word,  Isa.  xl.  27—31,  and  Ephes.  iv.  10—18.  When 
by  reason  of  old  age,  or  disease,  and  decay  of  strength,  the 
heart  and  flesh  faileth,  and  the  grasshopper  shall  be  a  burden; 
— when  nature  fails,  and  all  its  springs  ;  and  every  action  of 
the  soul  seems  impeded  : — then  is  the  season  to  be  much  in 
prayer  for  the  fulfilment  of  those  rich  promises,  which  are 
peculiarly  suited  thereto.  Then  is  the  power  of  Divine  grace, 
in  an  especial  manner,  made  manifest  : — then  is  felt  the  supe- 
riority of  spiritual  life  over  animal  and  intellecual  life  : — then 
is  known,  in  a  better  measure,  the  inestimable  value  of '  a  hope 
full  of  immortality :' — then  is  experienced  the  blessedness  of 
having  in  our  hearts,  '  Christ  the  hope  of  glory.'  Raise,  and 
increase  in  me,  this  feeble  s|)ark  of  heavenly  life,  O  Lord. — 
For  the  negligence  and  mistakes  of  the  past  year,  1  pray  for 
pardoning  mercy.  For  my  favours  and  comforts,  I  pray  that 
my  heart  may  be  filled  with  gratitude:  and  that  as  I  praise 
thee  for  all  that  is  past,  so  1  may  trust  Thee  for  all  that  is  to 


Mrs.  Hawkes's  vigour  of  mind,  and  natural  strength  of  con- 


CHAP.   VIII FROM  A.    D.    1817    TO   1828.  293 

slitulion,  had  hitherto  wonderfully  sustained  her  under  long- 
continued  suffering;  but  slie  now  fell  every  natural  prop  sink- 
ing from  under  her,  and  premature  old  age  advancing.  In  the 
month  of  February,  1822,  she  says,  in  a  letter  to  Mrs.  F — ; 

"  My  beloved  friend  would  wonder  to  see  how  old,  and  al- 
most helpless,  I  am  grown.  Yet  when  1  am  seated  on  my 
couch,  and  in  converse  with  kind  friends,  no  great  alteration 
(I  am  told)  appears  to  a  common  observer;  for  through  great 
mercy,  my  spirits  are  good,  and  my  mind  is  kept  in  peaceful 
waiting  for  the  longed-for  permission,  '  to  bo  absent  from  the 
body,  and  present  with  the  Lord.'  A  Cew  weeks  past,  I  thought 
I  had  obtained  leave  to  depart:  but  the  gold  had  more  dross  to 
be  taken  away,  ere  it  could  be  fitted,  as  a  pure  vessel,  for  the 
Master's  use.  Decaying,  sluggish  nature,  shrinks  from  the  pu- 
rifying fire:  but  as  far  as  it  is  renewed,  it  tries  to  say,  *  The 
cup  which  my  Father  has  given  me,  shall  1  not  drink  it  V  " 

The  next  memorandum  affords  a  specimen  of  her  constant 
habit  of  self-examination;  and  also  evinces  the  regret  she  ex- 
perienced when  friendly  intercourse  seemed  to  be  unattended 
by  spiritual  improvement. 

June  18,  1822. — "  Instead  of  watching  unto  prayer  this 
morning  on  first  rising  up  in  my  bed,  I  have  been  listless,  and 
given  place  to  vagrant  thoughts ;  which  have  rushed  into  my 
mind,  like  the  letting-in  of  waters.  O  Lord,  let  the  sacred 
flame  of  Divine  love,  like  the  fire  on  Elijah's  sacrifice,  break 
forth,  and  drink  up  these  deadening  waters !  And  do  Thou, 
by  the  Holy  Spirit's  influences,  kindle  a  fire  that  shall  burn 
upwards  in  a  morning  sacrifice  of  prayer  and  praise  unto  Thy- 
self, who  alone  art  worthy  to  be  loved,  and  praised. 

"  This  morning  my  two  kind  friends,  S.  and  M.,  left  me  ; 
and  my  hopes  have  not  been  realized  as  to  our  profitable  and 
spiritual  communion  together,  during  their  stay.  O  Lord,  bring 
them  into  a  deeper  knowledge  of,  and  closer  communion  with, 
Thyself!  Creatures  can  do  nothing  one  for  another  without 
Thy  special  help." 

The  deeply  experimental  views  which  Mrs.  Mawkes  had  ob- 
tained of  the  evil  of  sin  and  the  depravity  of  her  own  heart, 
enabled  her  to  enter  entirely  into  the  scriptural  statement  of 
the  freedom  of  Divine  grace;  as  will  appear  in  the  following 
extracts  of  letters  to  difitTcnt  friends. 
*25 


294  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

Writing  to  lier  nephew,  Mr.  E.  T.  Jones,  she  says, — 

"Yes,  yes,  our  salvation,  first  and  last,  is  of  free  and  sove- 
reign grace,  through  faith.  What  are  the  songs  of  the  re- 
deemed in  heaven  for  so  great  salvation  !  and  let  the  redeemed 
on  earth  ask  themselves, — and  you  and  I,  my  dearly  beloved 
nephew, — What  proportion  does  our  adoration,  our  songs  of 
praise  and  thanksgiving,  our  eager  wailing  to  know  and  do  His 
holy  will,  bear  to  the  worship  of  those  blessed  saints  and  an- 
gels, who,  with  veiled  faces,  cry  day  and  night.  Holy,  Holy, 
Holy  !  As  for  me,  such  a  sight  is  sometimes  graciously  afforded 
me,  or  rather  I  should  say  such  a  glimpse,  of  the  glory  of  the 
God  of  our  salvation,  as  revealed  in  the  blessed  Gospel  of  Jesus 
Christ, — and  at  the  same  time,  such  a  sight  of  myself  as  '  un- 
clean, unclean,'  a  creature  of  unclean  lips  and  life, — that  self- 
hatred,  and  self-abasement,  and  failh  and  hope  in  the  adorable 
Saviour,  are  put  to  the  struggle,  whether  I  shall  say.  He  surely 
cannot  love  so  vile  a  wretch  as  I  am, — or  whether  to  say, 
Christ  is  mine,  and  I  am  His,  and  'there  is  no  condemnation 
to  them  who  are  in  Christ.' " 

To  her  friend  Mrs.  C tt,  at  the  opening  of  the  year  1823, 

she  touches  on  the  same  iheme: — 

"  I  number  it  among  the  painful  privations  occasioned  b^v 
my  growing  disease  and  infirmities,  that  1  cannot  keep  up  a 
regular  interchange  of  thought  with  many  valuable,  and  be- 
loved, distant  friends.  There  is  however  a  spot, —  blessed  be 
Him  whose  coming  we  at  this  season  are  especially  called  to 
commemorate  !  where  Christian  IViends  can  meet  each  other, 
though  far  removed  in  person.  How  sweet  the  meeting-place! 
How^  high  the  privilege!  How  rich  the  communion!  How 
profitable  the  sacred  exercise,  when  we  bow  at  the  footstool  of 
Divine  mercy  !  May  you  and  I,  my  dear  friend,  seek  to  en- 
ter into  it  with  freedom  of  access,  remembering  each  other  in 
our  prayers.  No  doubt  you  feel  with  me  many  hindrances 
from  inthovt,  and  what  is  more  sad,  many  hindrances  from 
within,  to  the  calm  and  comfortable  enjoyment  of  this  wonder- 
ful and  solemn  intercourse  of  the  soul  with  God.  I  feel  this 
sickly,  pained  body,  a  heavy  clog;  from  which,  often  would 
the  spirit  disengage  itself,  if  so  it  might  be.  Soon  however 
will  the  warfare  be  ended,  and  the  crown  of  victory  be  given 
us.     And  for  «;/ia^  will  it  be  given?     Because  we  have  fought 


CHAP.  viir. — FROM  A.  D.  1817  TO  1828.  295 

so  patiently — so  courageously — so  holily — so  faithfully?  Ah, 
no!  1  feel  ashamed  at  the  use  of  St.  Paul's  words  of  triumj)h, 
— '  I  have  fought  a  good  fight ; '  a  good  fight  indeed  it  is  :  but 
oh,  how  unfaithfully,  how  wretchedly  fought!  how  much  the 
reverse  of,  '  as  a  good  soldier  of  Jesus  Christ.'  Yet  for  his 
own  name's  sake,  to  every  really  enlisted  soldier,  will  the 
crown  be  given  :  while,  with  songs  of  praise,  we  shall  shout, 
*  Grace,  grace,  unto  it;'  free,  sovereign,  unmerited  grace! 
Let  us  therefore,  my  beloved  sister  in  Christ,  take  courage; 
praying  for  strength  to  hold  out  unto  the  end,  keeping  our  eye 
fixed  on  the  glorious  prize. 

"  The  last  year  has  borne  away  in  its  flight  several  of  my 
dear  Christian  friends,  and  some  relatives.  Amongst  the  lat- 
ter, stands  numbered  my  valuable  brother-in-law,  Mr.  Jones; 
whose  death  was  truly  happy.     The  last  death  in  the  circle  of 

my  friends  has  been  that  of  Mrs.  Fearon,  the  least  expected! 

#  *  *  *         *         *  *         #-         -■* 

"  My  prayer  for  you,  my  kind  frier:d,  as  well  as  for  myself, 
this  new  year  shall  be,  that  we  may  freely  partake  of  the  ex- 
ceeding riches  of  Christ,  and  bring  forth  the  fruits  of  the  Spirit 
abundantly,  to  the  glory  and  praise  of  his  holy  name." 

In  addressing  another  friend  she  says, — 

"Let  me  echo  back  your  request,  '  Do  not  cease  to  pray  for 
me;  ask  for  grace,  do  not  ask  for  any  thing  else.'  I  endea- 
vour to  do  as  you  desire  me.  and  I  trust  you  will  do  the  same 
for  me.  Grace,  grace,  is  all  we  want,  until  we  reach  to  glory. 
How  full,  how  free  it  is!  Who  can  tell  how  much  may  be 
granted  to  prayer?  '  He  giveth  liberally  and  upbraideth  not.' 
This  is  my  constant  joy  and  wonder.  '  He  upbraideth  not ; ' 
yet  I  am  full  of  upbraidings  at  myself^  and  with  good  reason. 
Still  in  Him  1  have  peace,  praised  be  his  name." 

Writing  to  Mr.  E,  T.  Jones,  during  the  season  of  Lent,  she 
says,— 

"  I  wish  I  could  tell  you,  my  dearest  nephew,  in  deep  hu- 
mility, and  singleness  of  eye  to  the  praise  of  the  Saviour's  pre- 
cious name,  and  in  hope  of  your  profiting,  what  a  most  sacred 
and  sweet  season  I  have  found  this  Lent,  in  which  the  love 
and  sufferings  of  Christ,  and  Him  crucified,  are  by  our  excel- 
lent  church  especially  brought  before  our  observation.  Before 
its  commencement,  1  was  led  to  much  prayer  that  I  might  re- 


298  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES 

ceive,  through  the  teaching  of  the  blessed  Spirit,  and  by  means 
of  the  written  word,  clearer  and  stronger  discoveries,  of  this 
unfathomable,  hidden  mystery  : — and  also  discoveries  of  the 
evil  of  sin,  as  sin, — in  the  ruin  that  it  has  brought  into  the 
glorious  creation,  as  originally  formed  ;  and  of  the  miseries 
entailed,  and  existing,  even  in  the  new-born  creature,  while 
connected  with  a  vile  body  of  sin  and  death.  And,  that  I 
might,  at  the  same  time,  behold  a  rich  display  of  that  re- 
demption, that  finished  salvation  that  was  sealed  and  rati- 
fied, when  (O  let  us  hear  it  with  solemnity  !)  the  expiring, 
incarnate  God  cried  with  a  loud  voice,  '  It  is  finished ! ' 

"  How  very  graciously  a  prayer-hearing  God  has  vouchsafed 
to  listen  to  my  supplication,  in  enlarging  my  heart,  I  must  not 
now  stay  to  enter  upon.  J  would  rather  enjoin  you  to  unite 
with  me  in  thanksgiving  ;  and  encourage  to  search,  and  dive 
into,  the  height  and  depth,  and  length,  and  breadth,  of  redeem- 
ing love." 

In  the  summer  of  1823,  Mrs.  Hawkes  was  called  to  part 
with  another  sister,  whose  death  she  thus  laments  in  writing 
to  a  very  old  friend  : — 

"  As  long  as  my  lingering  troubled  life  is  spared,  I  hope  I 
shall  be  able  to  communicate,  at  least  occasionally,  with  my  be- 
loved and  old  friend.  Many  years  have  we  communed  together 
concerning  our  trials — our  hopes  and  fears — our  prospects 
both  as  to  this  world  and  the  next  ;  and  I  trust  that  till  we  are 
separated  by  death,  we  shall  continue  so  to  do.  Ah,  my  dear 
friend,  our  time  is  shortening  every  day  I  and  as  death  is  now 
laying  its  awful  grasp  on  many  around  us,  so  it  will  assuredly 
soon  lay  hold  on  us.  By  this  time  you  have  no  doubt  heard 
that,  with  almost  a  sudden  stroke,  it  has  taken  away  my  dear 
sister  Mynors!  I  will  not  attempt  to  delineate  my  feelings  on 
this  most  affecting  occasion.  The  shock  it  has  given  me  has 
shaken  my  tottermg  tabernacle  to  the  very  centre,  so  that  I 
think  it  will  much  hasten  its  entire  downfall.  I  cannot  dwell 
on  the  subject.  Righteous  art  thou,  O  Lord,  in  all  that  thou 
doesl!  I  will  lay  my  hand  upon  my  mouth,  and  pray  for  re- 
signation, and  increasing  trust  in  the  name  of  the  Lord,  as  a 
strong  tower  into  which  alone  we  can  run  and  be  safe." 

In  the  month  of  July,  she  writes  to  the  same  friend  as  fol- 
lows : — 

"  Alas !     My  beloved  friend  !  our  poor   frail   nature,  with 


CHAP.  VIII. — FKOM  A.  D.  1817  TO  1828.  297 

our  feeble  faith,  will  ever  shrink  from  pain,  and  clamour  for 
ease.  We  are  therefore  told  we  have  '  need  of  patience  ; '  and 
that  God  who  is  the  giver  of  faith,  is  the  giver  of  patience. 
Under  my  present  weakness  and  oppression,  I  am  constrained 
to  cry  mightily  that  He  will  be  pleased  to  keep  me  that  I  grow 
not  weary  and  faint  in  my  mind,  of  which  I  often  feel  in  dan- 
ger;  and  that  he  will  strengthen  me  with  all  might,  according 
to  his  glorious  power,  '  unto  all  patience  and  long-suffering 
with  joyfulness.'  I  find  my  faith  much  increased  and  estab- 
lished, by  reading  and  meditating  on  the  precious  promises, 
and  in  praying  over  them  ;  and  in  doing,  as  Mr.  Newton  used 
to  say,  what  a  man  does  who  lias  a  bank-note,  with  which  he 
hastens  to  the  bank  to  get  payment.  1  am  persuaded  that  a 
precious  promise,  taken  in  the  hand  of  humble,  patient  faith, 
and  presented  to  him  who  is  '  The  faithful  and  true,'  will  as- 
suredly bring  answer  of,  '  I  say  unto  you,  fear  not;  and  will 
greatly  remove  our  fears  and  increase  our  faith.  I  read  the 
Scriptures  with  more  delight,  and,  I  trust,  with  more  benefit 
than  I  ever  did.  And  when  I  am  enabled,  with  appropriating 
faith,  to  turn  every  verse  into  a  prayer,  it  is  like  the  pressing 
of  the  ripe  grape,  that  yields  the  rich  wine  abundantly.  I  la- 
ment the  liule  time  1  can  get  for  this  sweet  and  enriching  em- 
ployment. 

"  Have  you  heard  of  the  death  of  M.  V.  and  her  sister? 
Death  is  thinning  every  circle.  Let  us  keep  it  ever  in  view; 
and  in  proportion  as  we  are  enabled  thus  to  live  by  faith,  we 
shall  say,  '  These  light  afflictions  are  but  for  a  moment.' " 

To  the  same  at  another  period  : 

"  It  is  said,  the  trial  of  faith  is  '  much  more  precious  than 
gold  :'  Let  us  remember  this  under  o\ir  sharpest  exercises,  and 
pray  mightily  for  grace  to  abide  the  fiery  trial,  whatever  it 
may  be.  Let  us  cleave  to  the  loving  hand  that  smites  us,  and 
say,  'Though  He  slay  me,  yet  will  I  trust  in  Him.'  Oh,  if 
He  may  but  get  the  smallest' portion  of  honour  and  glory  to 
his  blessed  name  through  our  aflliclions,  sure  they  will  prove 
our  greatest  blessings!  For  a  poor  sinful  worm  to  be  thought 
worthy  to  yield  him  any  glory,  should  make  us  not  only  wil- 
ling to  bear,  but,  like  the  Apostle,  to  '  take  pleasure'  in  what 
we  suffer.  This  must  be  the  work  of  grace;  for  which  let  us 
pray  without  ceasing.  And  since  an  eternity  of  happiness  will 
cause  us,  (as  soon  as  we  enter  upon  it,j  to  forget  all  our  sor- 
row, we  ought,  (Oh  that  we  were  able !)  to  '  count  it  all  joy' 


298  ME^IOIKS  OF  3IRS.   IIAWKES. 

to  endure  trials.  I  am  very  well  persuaded  that  human  nature 
is  clamorous  for  comfort  more  than  grace.  Even  in  the  divine 
life,  our  cry  is  for  comfort, — {"or  consolation  ;  and  though  we 
ought  to  desire  it,  and  pray  for  it,  because  it  is  promised  that  we 
shall  not  only  have  peace  but  joy  in  believing; — yet  1  fear,  if  I 
may  speak  from  my  ovv'n  experience,  the  desire  is  not  so  pure 
and  unmixed  as  we  are  ready  to  believe:  natvre  puts  in  her 
claim  as  well  as  grace.  Could  we,  both  in  spiritual  and  tem- 
poral bestovvments,  submit  lo  whatever  denials  our  heavenly 
Father  sees  best  for  us,  we  should  know  more  of  that  heavenly 
principle  that  says  in  all  things,  'Thy  will  be  done!'  If  the 
captain  of  our  salvation  was  made  perfect  through  sufferings, 
— who  liad  no  drugs  to  purge  away, — shall  not  we  lay  our  ac- 
count for  the  same,  who  have  little  else  but  dross?  What  says 
the  prophet  after  speaking  of  affliction, — 'And  this  is  all  the 
fruit  to  take  away  sin.'  It  may  be  to  the  inexpressible  loss  of 
some,  that  afflictions  are  withheld  ;  while  1  doubt  not  that 
they  would  be  to  our  inexpressible  gain,  had  we  more  faith  to 
enter  into  their  full  design.  I  am  ashamed  at  myself,  at  my 
groans  and  my  cries  under  my  burdens.  Alas  !  how  weak  is 
grace!  how  strong  is  nature!  how  averse  to  suffering!  how 
unwilling  to  engage  in  the  warfare  which,  if  well  fought,  shall 
end  in  victory  !  We  are  apt  to  look  for  this  or  the  other  trial 
to  be  lightened,  or  removed, — whereas,  were  we  true  soldiers, 
we  should  expect  still  further  combats  from  every  quarter  ; 
and  rejoice  in  every  fresh  occasion  to  show  our  allegiance,  our 
love  to  our  captain.  These  things,  my  dear  friend,  are  very 
easy  in  theory;  and  I  am  sure  they  should  be  reduced  to  prac- 
tice. But  nothing  less  than  the  mighty  power  of  God  can  ef- 
fect this.  As  soon  as  faith  ebbs,  then  I  begin  to  cast  about, 
and  look  here  and  there  to  see  what  can  be  done  ;  till,  per- 
plexed and  weary,  I  am  driven  back  to  '  transact  with  God.' 
Let  us  look  more  to  him  and  less  to  ourselves.  '  Commit  thy 
way  unto  the  Lord,'  i.  e.  leave  it  to  him,  and  '  He  shall  bring 
it  to  pass' — without  any  help  of  ours." 

There  is  one  circumstance  which  renders  Mrs.  Hawkes's  re- 
ligious experience  peculiarly  valuable.  This  is  derived  from 
sincerity  of  character,  and  real  humility  of  mind,  which  led 
her  to  reveal  ingenuously,  for  the  edification  of  others,  those 
instances  in  which,  from  the  prevalence  of  nature  over  grace, 
she  had  been  interrupted  and  hindered  in  her  spiritual  course. 
The  faults  of  true  Christians  are  constantly  set  before  us  in  the 
Scripture,  as  beacons ;  and  such  accounts  prove  of  important 


ciiAr.  VIII.— FROM  A.  D.  1817  TO  1828.     299 

use  to  believers  ;  ihongh  the  ungodly  may  wrest  them,  as  well 
as  other  parts  of  Scripture,  to  their  own  destruction.  In  ad- 
dressing, about  this  period,  an  intimate  friend,  who  was  placed 
in  circumstances  in  which  both  the  feelings  and  temper  were 
peculiarly  exposed  to  assault,  Mrs.  Hawkes  thus  refers,  in  a 
way  of  caution  and  gentle  admonition,  to  the  ex[)erience  of  her 
former  years  : — 

"  I  enter  more  into  your  feelings  than  you  will  easily  believe. 
You  may  perhaps  recollect  the  state  of  mind  I  got  into  when 

at ,  which  place  was  to  me  like  a  cide?' press.     I  conceive 

that  you  have  been  for  many  months  in  the  same  kind  of  cider 
press;  and  what  that  produces,  I  shall  ever  remember  to  my 
sorrow ;  while  it  leads  me  to  understand,  and  sympathize  with 
any  one  who  is  in  such  a  kind  of  machine.  The  greatest 
misery,  however,  (which  lay  upon  me  like  a  mountain,)  was 
a  consciousness  of  loss  in  spiritual  comforts.  A  feeling  of 
discontent,  impatience,  and  dissatisfaction,  soon  produced  in 
my  soul  a  dearth  and  drought,  which  withered,  or  at  least 
faded,  every  bud  and  blossom  that  had  before  been  sweet  and 
vigorous.  I  did  indeed  read  my  Bible,  I  prayed,  sometimes 
agonized,  but  I  did  not  look  afte?'  my  prayers ;  I  waited  not 
for  the  answer.  My  discontent  and  inurmurings  neutralized, 
and  too  often  poisoned,  the  healing  medicine  for  which  1  prayed. 
This  was  my  temptation.  Like  the  Israelites  of  old,  my  spirit 
within  me  was  an  unhappy  murmuring  spirit.  And  i  verily 
believe,  that  where  this  is  suffered  to  creep  in,  it  will  proceed 
like  a  mildew ;  and  if  grace  prevent  not,  it  will  (without  the 
aid  of  any  other  more  palpable  sin,)  totally  wither  the  once 
healthy  and  flourishing  branch.  I  know  full  well,  that  second 
causes  are  sometimes  so  pressing,  so  numerous,  so  constantly 
wearing,  that  we  are  ready  to  say  with  Jonah,  '  I  do  well  to 
be  angry  ;' — '  heart  and  flesh  fail  ;' — and  the  waters  are  over- 
whelming. I  also  know,  that  this  is  the  conclusion  of  sense 
and  not  of  faith  ;  and  that  it  all  comes  to  this, — we  must  con- 
quer to  be  conquered  :  we  must  get  above  second  causes,  or 
sink  and  be  drowned  :  we  must  know  our  danger,  and  what  is 
our  resource.  For  what  is  it  all,  to  pilgrims  journeying  through 
this  wilderness  to  our  country  above?  Are  we  not  forewarned 
to  expect  all,  and  much  more  than  we  meet  with?  llath  any 
temptation,  not  common  to  man,  not  experienced  by  millions 
of  other  pilgims,  happened  unto  us?  Shall  we  repine,  or  re- 
fuse to  stand  in  our  lot  ?  Shall  the  so!dier/fti/i^  when  he  should 
fght  ?  Ah,  my  dear ,  mind  nothing  for  yourself,  but  what 


300  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS,  IIAWKES. 

tends  to  your  being  rooted  and  grounded  in  Christ ;  for  all  be- 
sides is  a  mere  wreck. 

"  I  know  you  will  be  glad  to  hear  that  my  lately  deceased 
sister  Mynors  has  left  me  an  addition  to  my  income,  beyond 
what  she  formerly  allowed  me.  I  consider  this,  under  all  cir- 
cumstances, as  an  extraordinary  mark  of  her  care  and  kind- 
ness. Both  my  nephews  have  been  in  town.  They  express 
great  kindness,  and  desire  to  make  my  latter  days  more  easy, 
and  less  anxious  than  formerly.  My  nephew  Jones  also  con- 
tinues his  father's  contribution,  from  his  own  free  will,  and 
kind  regard  to  me.  Thus  you  see,  my  dear,  it  is  with  me  as 
it  has  been  for  many  years, — a  life  of  dependence,  and  a  life 
of  merciful  supplies.  Proud  human  nature  would  not  have 
chosen  such  a  way.  But  when  we  are  thoroughly  convinced 
we  deserve  nothing,  and  when  that  conviction  is  sanctified, 
then  we  learn  to  say,  '  not  my  will,  but  thine  be  done.' 
Praised  be  His  name  for  any  marks  of  care  and  love  towards 
such  a  miserable  sinner  ! 

"Farewell,  my  ever  valued  and  loved  one.     May  the  God 
of  all  grace  and  mercy  be  your  chief  and  only  delight! 
"  Prays  vour  affectionate, 

»S.  H." 

The  loss  of  several  near  relatives  within  the  short  space  of 
two  years, — together  with  the  demand  which  disease  ever 
makes  on  the  animal  spirit,— combined  at  this  time  to  produce 
a  distressing  effect  on  Mrs.  Hawkes's  nervous  system,  which 
was  remarkably  delicate  and  susceptible.  She  writes  in  Sep- 
tember to  the  same  friend  as  follows  :•— 

"I  feel  more  feeble,  and  generally  ill,  than  I  have  hitherto 
been.  I  do  think  that  my  long  disease,  which  has  seemed  to 
be  stationary  for  so  many  years,  is  now  rousing  like  a  lion  : 
and  lion-like,  it  will  soon  devour  its  prey, — the  poor  body,  but 
it  cannot  hurt  the  soul :  glory  be  to  the  Sacred  Lion  of  the 
tribe  of  Judah,  he  can,  and  will  deliver.  In  many  respects 
your  experience  and  mine  are  alike  in  feelings  though  not  in 
origin.  Owing  to  the  more  general  pressure  of  the  tumour, 
and  to  the  fearful  loss  of  mental  and  bodily  vigour,  I  am  fallen 
into  a  nervous  state  which  is  truly  distressing.  Sometimes  such 
deep  depression  seizes  me,  and  without  knowing  why,  that  I 
can  scarcely  bear  myself:  sometimes  such  irritability,  and  at 
others  such  terror,  that  I  feel  as  if  my  senses  were  going.  I 
have  also  such  an  imperious,  restless  desire  to  be  any  where 


CHAP.  VIII. FROM  A.  D.  1817,  TO  1828.       oOl 

but  where  1  am,  as  I  never  felt  before.  In  what  measure  faith 
has  been  vouchsafed  and  exercised,  and  what  inferences  1  have 
drawn,  (during  an  occasional  calm  half-hour,)  from  this  visita- 
tion, I  will  endeavour  to  tell  you  when  I  am  able;  in  the  hope 
that  you  may  obtain  here  and  there  a  hint  for  yourself.  I  con- 
ceive ihe  ground  you  are  now  traversing  to  be  very  uneven, 
rugged,  and  thorny  ;  yet  I  cannot  help  thinking,  that  were 
your  nerves  stronger,  and  your  health  more  firm,  you  would 
go  more  on  the  trip  over  it,  than  you  are  now  able  to  do.  Had 
not  my  present  nervous  slate  opened  to  me  some  deep  and 
sad  secrets,  I  should  wonder  that  you  could  be  affected  by  the 
circumstances  you  mention.  But  I  now  know,  by  sad  experi- 
ence, that  though  I  may  scorn  the  thing  tiiat  vexes  me,  and 
call  myself  a  fool  a  thousand  times,  yet  there  is  no  arguing 
with  agitated  nerves.  Still  I  do  feel  the  benefit  of  knowing 
that  the  cause  of  disturbance  is  chiefly  in  myself;  that  it  is 
disease  which  gives  weight  and  importance  to  trifles  ;  and  I 
find  it  better  to  fall  out  with  myself,  than  with  such  things  as 
I  cannot  alter.  I  try  to  say.  Hush,  be  quiet, — and  as  much 
as  possible  turn  to  some  project,  or  even  to  merely  an  amuse- 
ment. 

"  I  am  persuaded  that  nervous  disease  is  quite  distinct  from 
a  morbid  turn  of  mind.  Its  seat  is  in  the  body,  and  its  sway 
over  the  mind  is  effected  by  sympathy.  Intellectual,  and  even 
religious  aids,  alone,  will  not  remedy  the  evil,  but  sometimes 
increase  it.  We  must  have  recourse  to  other  helps  ;  we  must 
as  much  as  possible  avoid  whatever  irritates;  and  if  we  can- 
not avoid,  we  must  try  to  divert  our  thoughts  to  something  else. 
I  am  terrified  when  I  consider,  what  disordered  nerves  pro- 
duce! The  imagination  is  the  first  victim,  and  soon  all  that 
is  horrid  follows.  Poor  M.  V.!  how  well  I  know  her  history  ! 
How  exactly  I  can  trace  her  path  !  A  paralytic  affection  is  a 
different  tiling,  though  the  effects  are  often  similar.  1  am 
alarmed  for  all  nervous  subjects  who  are  in  any  circumstances 
that  lend  to  agitate.  Even  prayer  becomes  ofien,  in  such 
cases,  too  strong  an  excitement,  except  in  the  way  of  humble 
ejaculation.  Rut  when  more  peaceful  and  self- possessed,  then 
we  should  cry  mis^htily  unto  the  Lord,  to  be  strengthened  with 
all  might,  according  to  his  glorious  power,  unto  all  patience 
and  long-suffering,  with  joyfulness. 

"  I  must  now  say  farewell  ;  and  try  to  quiet  my  beating 
head  on  my  pwlow,  from  which  it  is  roused  every  mornincr,  at 
early  dawn,  by  the  most  distressing  sensations.     I  long  to  fly 

away  and  be  at  rest,  in  that  world,  where  my  dearest , 

26 


302  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

and  I,  shall  love  each  other  better  and  better  for  ever  !  Let 
us  do  it  here,  where  love  is  almost  a  stranger, — to  which  com- 
pact I  subscribe  my  name, 

"  S.  Hawkes." 

In  the  hope  of  somewhat  alleviating  Mrs.  Hawkes's  state  of 
nervous  debility,  a  friend  had  expressed  to  the  family  of  the 
Rev.  Josiah  Pratt,  then  at  Hampstead,  a  wish  to  remove  any 
pecuniary  difficulty  which  might  prevent  xMrs.  Hawkes  from 
trying  the  benefit  of  change  of  air:  requesting  Mrs.  Pratt  to 
provide  for  her  a  lodging  near  to  them,  without  mentioning  to 
whom  she  was  obliged.  To  this  kind  proposal  Mrs.  Hawkes 
replies  in  the  following  note  ;  in  which  she  also  expresses  her 
gratulations  on  the  occasion  of  Mr.  Pratt's  being  chosen  Vicar 
of  St.  Stephen's,  Coleman-street. 

Sept.  1823. 

"  I  return  many  thanks,  my  dear  madam,  for  your  kind 
wish  that  I  should  reap  the  advantage  of  this  exceedingly  fine 
weather,  which  I  know  must  make  Hampstead  very  desirable ; 
as  also  does  the  pleasure  I  should  find  in  society  with  you  and 
yours.  But  I  am  so  poorly  and  heartless,  that  at  present  I 
cannot  call  up  sufficient  spirits  to  venture  on  leaving  home. 

*'  The  pleasing  tidings  of  Mr.  Pratt's  success  had  reached 
me  before  I  was  favoured  with  your  note.  The  only  abate- 
ment of  my  joy  on  the  account,  is,  that  I  fear  Mr.  Pratt's 
labours  will  be  increased  rather  than  lessened  ;  and  one  can- 
not but  wish  him  to  have  rest,  instead  of  toil,  after  such  a  life 
of  fatigue  and  wear  as  his  has  been.  Yet  I  know  where  his 
strength  lies:  —  'Thy  shoes  shall  be  iron  and  brass;  and  as 
thy  days,  so  shall  thy  strength  be ;'  which  blessed  promise,  I 
trust  he  will  have  the  full  experience  of,  through  new  duties, 
as  well  as  in  those  which  are  past.  I  rejoice  that  another 
*  Bethesda'  is  mercifully  opened  in  this  wicked  city  ;  and  ar- 
dently hope  that  there  will  flock  together,  '  blind,  halt,  with- 
ered,'— and  find  healing.  Although  I  feel  some  faintings  under 
my  own  burdens, — for  my  much  esteemed  and  revered  friend, 
my  hope  and  expectations  rise  high,  that  his  strength  shall  be 
renewed  as  the  eagles';  and  that  in  his  new  sanctuary,  the 
Lord  '  will  make  the  place  of  his  feet  glorious.'  " 

In  October,  Mrs.  Hawkes  writes  to  her  valued  friend  Mrs. 
Y ,  as  follows  : — 

"  If  1  tell  you,  my  dear  madam,  any  thing  relating  to  my- 


CHAP.  VIII. FROM  A.  D.  1817,  TO  1828.        303 

self,  which  from  your  condescending  kindness,  I  have  reason 
to  beh'eve  you  would  desire  I  should,  1  must  say,  that  for  a 
season,  I  have  been  passing  through  rather  deep  waters :  such 
as  from  my  short-sightedness,  and  I  fear,  self-dependence,  was 
quite  unlocked  for ; — yet  for  which  I  was,  I  hope,  not  quite 
unprepared.  Blessed  be  the  God  of  all  mercy,  help  in  time  of 
need  was  afforded;  and  though  the  billows  rose  high,  and 
looked  dark  and  dismal,  they  were  not  suffered  to  overflow  my 
soul.  Through  all,  my  faith  was  wonderfully  strengthened  to 
take  a  firm  hold  on  the  precious  promises  of  the  Gospel;  so 
that,  I  trust,  I  have  a  fresh  experience  of  the  blessedness  of 
being  built  on  that  Rock,  which  no  storms  or  tempests  can 
.shake  ;  and  of  being  led  instantly  to  fly  for  refuge,  and  protec- 
tion, under  the  wings  of  Almighty  love,  and  there  find  safety,-— 
certain  and  assured  safety.  And  now  that  these  fearful  waters 
are  in  a  good  measure  abated,  a  new  song  of  praise  employs 
my  sweetest  hours ;  together  with  the  endeavour  to  bear  in 
mind,  and  treasure  up  some  important  lessons,  and  gracious 
teachings,  vouchsafed  in  the  way.  I  believe  that  to  the  very 
end  of  life,  it  will  be  our  painful  experience,  day  by  day,  to 
feel  and  discover  what  sin  hath  wrought ;  into  what  depths  it 
hath  cast  our  nature  ;  what  hidden  holds  of  deceit  it  maintains, 
— not  only  in  the  unrenewed  heart, — but  sad  to  say,  even 
where  renewing  grace  hath  been  given.  We  need  not,  how- 
ever, fear  to  dive  into  the  depths  of  sin's  ruin  and  misery, 
while  Christ  dvvelleth  in  our  hearts  by  faith  : — for  then  shall 
we  triumph  over  sin  and  Satan  ;  and  be  viewing,  and,  in  an 
increasing  measure,  comprehending,  '  the  breadth,  and  length, 
and  depth,  and  height,'  of  that  immeasurable  love,  which  hath 
redeemed  us  from  death,  and  hell's  destruction." 

The  *  deep  waters'  to  which  Mrs.  Havvkes  refers  in  the 
foregoing  letter,  were  probably  those  severe  sufferings  from 
nervous  debility,  with  which  she  had  been  lately  attacked. 
She  had  not  only  made  this  afliiction  a  subject  of  prayer,  but 
also  requested  that  her  friends  would  unite  with  her  in  suppli- 
cations for  tlic  removal  of  an  evil  which  she  so  much  depre- 
cated. It  appears  by  the  following  extract  from  one  of  her 
letters  at  this  time,  that  God  had  graciously  granted,  in  answer 
to  these  prayers,  a  considerable  remission  of  her  nervous 
symptoms ;  she  says, 

*'  I  have,  from  a  sense  of  duty,  forced  myself  into  my  Bath- 
chair,  and  am  much  relieved  in  my  nervous  feelings,  though 


304  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.   HAWKES. 

Still  sinking  under  disease.  I  cannot  help  saying,  that  any 
thing,  every  thing,  seems  light  and  bearable,  compared  with 
nervous  depression  and  agitation.  And  I  do  think,  (with  rever- 
ence, humility,  and  gratitude  would  I  acknowledge  it !)  that 
my  prayers,  and  the  prayers  of  my  loving  friends,  have  been 
heard  and  graciously  answered,  in  a  way  of  very  considerable, 
if  not  entire,  relief  from  that  distressing  malady.  Oh,  that  it 
may  not  again  be  permitted  to  return!  more  especially,  as  my 
strength  declines.  Yet,  I  must  take  shame  to  myself  if  i  fear 
concerning  any  thing  which  may  happen  unto  me,  while  I  am 
enabled  daily  to  commit  my  body,  soul,  and  spirit,  into  the 
preserving,  protecting  hands,  of  infinite  wisdom,  love,  and 
power.  Oh,  what  deeps  have  I  been  raised  out  of!  With 
what  mercy  and  loving-kindness  hath  the  Father  of  all  good- 
ness followed  me,  all  my  life  through!  And  even  in  my  late 
sufferings,  He  hath  made  my  faith  so  strong  in  His  precious 
promises,  that  I  have  as  it  were,  held  them  in  my  hand  with 
a  firmer  and  more  sensible  grasp,  than  I  think  ever  before.  Is 
not  this  from  all-sufficient  grace?  Free  for  you,  and  for  me, 
and  for  all !  Let  us  therefore  praise  as  well  as  supplicate ; 
and  trust  in  Him  at  all  times." 

In  the  year  opening  1824,  Mrs,  Hawkes  addresses  a  very 
old  friend  as  follows  : — 

"  My  dearest  friend  cannot  more  desire  a  letter  from  me 
than  I  desire  to  write  to  her.  It  would  afford  me  the  truest 
pleasure  and  satisfaction  to  keep  up  a  speedy  and  regular  re- 
turn of  letters,  so  that  a  free  communication  may  flou'  on  in 
one  uninterrupted  and  useful  course:  but  my  entire  inability 
for  this  pleasing  exertion,  both  as  it  respects  yourself,  and 
many  others  who  ask,  and  wait,  for  peculiar  counsel  and  help, 
constitutes  one  of  my  daily  trials, — causes  me  many  a  groan, 
— and  makes  a  part  of  that  burden,  which  I  feel  requires  the 
help  of  all-sufficient  grace,  to  enable  me  to  endure  and  sup- 
port. Truly  1  am  made  increasingly  to  know  the  significancy 
of  the  apostle's  words, — 'We  groan  being  burdened.'  For 
ever  blessed  be  the  adorable  Saviour,  who  doth  not  leave  me 
to  repine,  or  sink,  while  5'ct  groaning;  but  who  causes  me  to 
experience  something  of  his  Divine  strength  made  perfect  in 
my  weakness; — and  raises  and  invigorates  my  hope  into  u 
*  lively  liopc,'  '  full  of  immortality.'  Soon,  my  dearest  friend, 
shall  your  earthly  house,  and  mine,  be  dissolved;  and  when, 
by  an  assured  faith,  we  can  behold  our  '  house  elernal  in  the 


CHAP.  VIII. FR03I  A.    D.   1817  TO  1828.  305 

heavens,'  we  may  well  be  content  to  endure  and  wait  all  our 
appointed  days,  until  our  change  come: — especially  since  they 
are  gladdened  by  innumerable  mercies. 

"  i  do  most  sincerely  and  heartily  join  in  your  rejoicing  on 
the  account  of  your  dear  daughter.  No  greater  joy  can  be 
afforded  the  heart  of  a  Christian  parent,  than  is  assuredly  given 
to  yours.  IIow  poor  and  miserable  an  exchange,  would  be  a 
rich  earthly  inheritance,  for  an  inheritance  among  the  saints! 
He  who  is  the  author  will  be  the  finisher  of  her  faith.  Bless 
the  Lord,  O  our  souls,  that  this  dear  child  gives  us  every  satis- 
fying indication  and  hope,  that  the  Saviour  has  called  her  with 
an  effectual  calling !  He  hath  mercifully  brought  her  into  his 
sacred  fold,  and  will  lead,  feed,  and  protect  her  as  his  own. 
I  do  earnestly  wish  that  slie  would  communicate  with  you  con- 
cerning her  experience,  frequently  and  freely  :  there  would  be 
great  advantage  in  so  doing.  A  young  convert  must  have 
much  to  learn, — will  experience  many  fears, — must  expect  as- 
saults and  conflicts; — will  find  dangers  attendant  on  every 
step, — which  want  of  knowledge,  and  want  of  experience,  will 
greatly  increase.  May  the  adorable  Saviour  carry  her  as  one 
of  His  lambs  in  His  safe  and  gracious  arms,  and  bind  her  with 
the  cords  of  faith  and  love  to  Himself! 

"  I  doubt  not  that  at  the  close  of  the  past  year,  and  at  the 
commencement  of  the  new,  you  and  I  have  been  engaged  ex- 
actly in  the  same  way: — namely,  in  *  remembering  all  the 
way  which  the  Lord  had  led  us  through  our  past  years,  to 
prove  us,  and  to  show  us  what  is  in  our  hearts.'  Surely  we 
must  stand  amazed  at  ourselves,  as  at  the  '  burning  bush,'  still 
burning  and  yet  unconsumed.  That  our  gracious  God  has 
not  dealt  with  us  as  our  sins  deserve, — but  on  the  contrary, 
has  spared  and  followed  us  with  loving-kindness  and  tender 
mercy, — must  be  to  both  of  us  a  subject  of  wonder  and  praise. 
I  trust  we  may  have  been  encouraged  to  enter  on  the  new  year 
with  renewed  humiliation  and  faith,  and  dedication  of  our- 
selves to  the  Lord.  I  unite  with  you,  my  dear  friend  in  rais- 
ing a  new  Ebenczer  :  and  in  committing  our  bodies,  souls, 
and  spirits,  into  his  blessed  hands,  for  time  and  eternity.  He 
that  hath  kept,  will  keep,  that  which  we  have  committed  unto 
Him.  Let  us  be  willing  to  be  low  in  temporal  comforts,  so 
that  we  may  be  rich  in  grace, — which  is  infinitely  better. 

"  I  am  much  in  my  old  way,  with  symptoms  fluctuating 
every  day,  and  two  or  three  limes  in  a  day  ;  and  am  extreme- 
ly enfeebled.  But  I  trust  that  I  am  going  on  my  way  wiih 
some  haste  and  earnestness  ;  longing,  and  waiting,  for  theglo- 
26* 


306  ME3I01Ri5  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

rious  vision,  which  though  it  tarry,  shall  assuredly  come  in^ 
the  best  time." 

The  next  letter,  addressed  to  Mrs.  C tt,  contains  a  fur- 
ther detail  of  Mrs.  Hawkes's  painful  symptoms, — not  indeed 
very  different  from  what  has  gone  before,^ — but  expressed  in 
so  natural  and  touching  a  manner,  that  the  reader  is  thereby 
put  in  possession  of  evidence  concerning  her  case,  not  to  be 
obtained  from  any  other  pen  but  that  of  the  sufferer.  It  con- 
tains also  a  fine  transition,  from  the  groans  of  oppressed  na- 
ture, to  the  songs  of  a  redeemed  spirit:— 

3Iarch  30,  1824. 
*'  Alas !  with  what  pain  do  I  take  up  my  pen  to  address  my 
valued  and  ever-beloved  friend,  occasioned  by  the  recollection 
of  the  length  of  time  which   has  elapsed  since  1  was  favoured 
by  her  letter !  and  from  the  fear  that  she  should  think  me  un- 
grateful in  returning  no  acknowledgment  of  her  continued  kind 
communications; — continued  until  my  sad  delays  m.ust  have 
led  her  to  despair  of  a  return  !     I  feel  it  quite  impossible  to 
give  to  any  friend,  who  is  not  an  eye-witness  of  every  pas- 
sing day,  any  idea  how  my  time  is  taken  up ; — or,  rather  I 
should  say,  how  one  day  after  another  slips  away,  without  my 
having  the  power  to  use  it.     1  seem  as  though  I  was  really  a 
waster  of  time  ;  and  it  forms  one  of  my  trials  that  I  am  not  able 
to  use  my  fleeting,  precious  moments,  for  any  good  purpose 
to  myself  or   others.     An  extrem.e  languor  and  debility  has 
prevailed  over  ray  frame  for  nearly  twelve  months :  with  a 
variety  of  nervous  symptoms,  distressing  and  quite  unusual. 
My  strength  is  so  decreased,  that  I  am  obliged  to  decline  com- 
pany as  formerly.     A  little  conversation  soon  exhausts  me, — 
although  I  still  delight  in  svv'eet  christian  society,  when  able  to 
bear  it, — and  I  feel  this  additional  privation,  together  \yith  my 
inability  to  keep  up  a  regular  interchange  of  letters  with  dis- 
tant friends, — often  depressing  to  my  spirits.     In  short,  the 
last  twelve  months  have  been  mingled  with  a  variety  of  pain- 
ful sufferings,  which  have,  I  fear,  induced  too  strong  a  desire 
to  escape,  "and  leave  the  field  of  battle,  before  permission  is 
given.     1  suppose  it  is  a  common  case,  that  {he  present  suller- 
ing  seems  always  the  heaviest;  perhaps  if  some  of  my  former 
painful  days  (which  being  past  appear  more  easy  to  bear  than 
the  nervous,  disquieting,  and  Innguid  state  I  am  now  under) 
were  to  return,  1  should  find  my  mistake  in  thinking  them  to 
b^  preferred. 


CHAP.  VIII.— FROM  A.  D.  1817  TO  1828.        307 

*'  I  cannot  however  help  nunnbering  nervous  diseases,  with 
all  their  variable  and  unhinging  symptoms,  among  the  most 
trying  to  the  mind  :  for  ofien  they  arc  found  to  set  at  defiance 
all  arguments,  both  christian  and  rational.     And  all  that  can 
be  done  is  to  pray  for  grace  to  endure.     I  trust,  my  dear  friend, 
you   will  give  me  credit  when  I  assure  you,  that  my  long  si- 
lence has  arisen  from  these  circumstances  of  suffering,  and 
not  from  the  least  diminution  of  affection  and  interest  towards 
you.     Much  have  you  occupied  my  musing  moments  ; — I  have 
even  begun  writing  to  you,  and  could  not  proceed  :  and  often 
wish  you  could  know  my  mind  and  heart,  and  the  place  you 
will  ever  hold  therein.    But  after  all  this  long  detail  of  bodily  suf- 
ferings which  I  intend  only  as  explanatory,  and  not  as  lepin- 
ing, — -as  occasion  of  many  groanings,  but,  I  trust,  not  one  of 
murmuring; — let  me,  as  grace  shall  enable  me,  now  tune  my 
harp,  and  send  forth  sounds  of  praise;  and  make  mention  of 
the  blessed  Saviour's  name,  which,  to  your  heart  my  beloved 
and  honoured  friend,  is  sweeter  music  than  all  the  charms  this 
earth  can  afford.     Yet  so  poor  are  the  conceptions  of  the  mind, 
and  such    the  poverty  and  language,  to  express  even  those 
views  and  feelings  which  faith  sometimes  bestows,  that  I  am 
often  ready  to  lay  my  hand  on  my  mouth,  or  to  lay  down  my 
pen  and  say,  the  love' of  Christ  is  too  high,  too  sacred,  too  glo- 
rious a  theme,  for  such  a  defiled  grovelling  worm  to  expatiate 
upon,  or  even  touch.     It  is  above  all  comprehension  ;  far  must 
it  be  beyond  all  description  !  Heaven  is  the  place  to  set  it  forth. 
"Yet  hath  it  seemed   Him  good  to  form  earthen   vessels, 
mean  as  they  are,  for  his  praise.     And  surely,  surely,  after 
the  bestowment  of  his  grace  and  favour, — and  the  loading  of 
his  benefits, — and  all  the  blessings  of  salvation,— if  we  do  not 
tell  of  his  love,  and  magnify  his  name,  the  very  stones  and 
beams  of  our  dwelling  would  cry  out  against  us,  and  put  us 
to  shame. 

"  Let  me  therefore,  in  deep  humiliation,  and  self-renuncia- 
tion, bear  my  feeble  testimony,  that  they  who  trust  in  the  Lord, 
and  *  cry  unto  Him  in  their  trouble,  He  saveth  them  out  of 
their  distresses.'  Pie  may  see  good  to  continue  affliction  ;  but 
when  the  heart  begins  to  faint  and  fear,  then  somecheeringbeams 
of  light  are  caused  to  arise,  which  asain  turn  our  heaviness  into 
rejoicing.  And  when  darkness  hovers  over,  and  obscures  our 
goings,  the  entrance  of  the  blessed  Scripture  giveth  light;  '  it 
giverii  understanding  unto  the  simple;'  the  word  becomes  a 
lamp  unto  our  feet ;  and  we  are  enabled  to  set  unto  our  seal,  that 
when  trouble  and  anguish  lay  hold  upon  us,  the  command- 


308  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

ments  are  our  delights ;  and  God  our  Saviour  is  our  hiding- 
place,  and  our  shield,  our  refuge,  and  strong  tower.  Trulv 
have  I,  through  free  grace  and  favour,  experienced  what  is  so 
sweetly  penned  by  David  in  the  23d  Psalm, — '  The  Lord 
is  my  shepherd  :'  indeed  the  Scriptures  throughout  have  been 
wonderfully  opened,  and  sealed,  and  blessed  to  me.  I  think 
I  never  found  so  much  fulness  and  sweetness  in  them  as  of 
late.  So  that  I  am  enabled,  praised  be  the  Lord  !  to  say, 
*  More  are  they  to  be  desired  than  gold,  yea  than  much  fine 
gold  ;  sweeter  also  than  honey,  or  the  honey-comb.'  They 
are  indeed  my  '  songs  in  the  night.'  '  Thy  word  is  true 
from  the  beginning,  and  every  one  of  thy  righteous  judgments 
endureth  forever.'  Oh,  for  an  enlarged  heart,  to  rest  in  the 
precious  promises,  according  to  the  divine  warrant  that  is  giv- 
en us  to  rest  in  them!  And  oh,  for  a  grateful  and  loving 
heart,  more  tuned  to  praise  God /or  his  word,  and  in  his  word  I 
I  have  abundant  reason  for  thankfulness  for  the  openincr  of 
the  Scripture-wells  of  salvation,  and  for  help  in  drawing  living 
waters  out  of  them, — now  that  I  am  almost  totally  deprived  of 
the  public  ordinances  :  and  though  all  around  me  1  hear  the  en- 
livening '  sound  of  the  church-going  bell' — at  which  my  heart 
used  to  leap  for  joy, — I  cannot  now  obey  its  summons ;  nor 
even  reach  a  ^q\v  yards  across  the  road  to  those  sacred  doors, 
into  which,  on  the  Sabbath  day,  I  see,  from  my  windovvs,  my 
friends  and  neighbours  entering  !  This  is,  blessed  be  the 
Lord!  my  dispensation,  and  not  my  neglect;  and  if  the 
brook  is  stopped,  the  fountain  is  ever  open,  and  ever  flowing. 
Yes!  blessed  be  Him  who  hath  said, —  and  yet  doth  say, — 
'  Whosoever  drinketh  of  the  water  tliat  I  shall  give  him,  shall 
never'thirst;  but  the  water  that  I  shall  give  him  shall  be  in  him, 
a  well  of  water  springing  up  into  everlasting  li(e.' 

"Let  us  not  therefore,  my  valued  friend,  think  that  we  shall 
faint  by  the  way_  because  the  streams  of  the  sanctuary  are  not 
within  our  reach, — so  long  as  the  Holy  Spirit,  and  the  sacred 
Scriptures,  and  a  throne  of  grace,  are  made  sure  unto  us, — and 
while  ours  is  '  the  everlasting  covenant,  ordered  in  all  things 
and  sure ;'  which  is  all  our  salvation,  and  all  our  desire." 

In  the  next  extract  from  a  letter,  dated  June,  1824,  addressed 

to  Mrs.  Y ,  she  laments   the  removal  of  a  young   friend 

whose  affectionate  attentions  had  much  contributed  to  her  com- 
fort. The  severe  family  affliction  which  occasioned  this  re- 
moval, led  to  some  remarks  on  the  mysterious  nature  of  the 
Divine  Providence, — a  subject  which  must  ever  be  inscrutable 


CUAP.  VIII. FROM  A.  D.   1817  TO  1828.  309 

to  a  finite  creature.  *'  How  little  a  portion,"  says  Job,  "  is 
heard  ot"  Him  !  "  "  His  ways  are  unsearchable  and  past  find- 
ing out ! "  Every  true  christian  will  contemplate  the  mysteries 
of  God's  providence, — all  the  wheels  of  which  arc  moved  by 
his  eternal  counsels — with  holy  reverence :  not  vainly  prying 
into  this  ark  of  his  presence,  but  resting  in  quiet  repose,  and 
adoring  gratitude,  »  under  the  shadow  of  the  Almighty.'  " 

"  In  parting  with  my  friend,  Miss  De  C ,"  says  Mrs. 

Hawkes,  "  I  felt  as  though  I  was  parting  with  an  affectionate 
and  pious  daughter;  and  greatly  shall  I  miss  her  kind  atten- 
tions, and  christian  conversation.  She  left  Pentonville  almost 
broken-hearted,  and  so  did  her  afflicted  mother.  I  have  sel- 
dom known  to  fall  on  any  friend,  such  an  accumulation  of 
weighty  trouble,  as  upon  these,  my  sorrowful  neighbours. 
How  often  does  the  extraordinary  and  mysterious  providence 
of  God,  say  to  our  wondering  perplexities  under  trial  and  sor- 
row, <  My  thoughts  are  not  your  thoughts,  neither  are  your 
ways  my  ways.'  And  how  strengthening  and  delightful  is  it 
to  the  painfully  exercised  christian,  when,  his  faith  befng  strong, 
he  can  from  the  heart  say,  '  It  is  the  Lord,  let  Him  do  what 
seemeth  Him  good;'  and  blessed  be  his  name,  his  grace  has 
made  me  '  as  a  weaned  child,  as  a  child  weaned  of  his  mother.' 
Alas!  so  backward  is  our  wretched  nature  to  learn  this  high 
lesson  of  entire  resignation,  that  few  of  God's  dearest  children 
have  reason  to  be  satisfied  as  to  their  attainments  therein.  If 
in  one  time  of  trial  we  seem  to  have  learned  it,  another  occa- 
sion will  soon  arise  to  show,  and  make  us  feel  that  we  have  a 
will  and  a  choice  of  our  own,  which  is  not  yet  brought  into 
subjection: — while  we  yet  know,  that  in  proportion  as  we  are 
enabled  to  say,  'Thy  will,  and  not  mine,  be  done,'  our  peace 
and  comfort  abound  in  the  most  trying  circumstances.  Blessed 
be  Him  who  hath  said, '  My  grace  is  sufficient  for  thee,' — suffi- 
cient to  fulfil  all  the  good  pleasure  of  his  goodness,  and  the 
work  of  faith  with  power — sufficient  to  uphold  us  in  all  the 
changing  conflicts  and  combats  with  our  spiritual  enemies: — 
and  to  make  us  more  than  conquerors  over  every  opposing  force. 

'  A  feeble  saint  shall  win  the  day, 
Though  death  and  hell  obstruct  the  way.^ 

"  Oh  for  that  unstaggering  faith,  that  hopeth  against  hope, 
relies  on  Omnipotent  power,  and  is  enabled  to  come  up  from 
the  wilderness  leaning  upon  the  Beloved ! " 


310  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

All  that  remains  belonging  to  this  year,  is  a  touching  solilo- 
quy, written  by  Mrs.  Havvkes  on  her  birth-day  : — 

Oct.  13,  1824. — «  «  Why  art  thou  cast  down,  O  my  soul? ' 
when  the  speedy  return  of  every  birth-day  should  make  thee 
glad  that  thou  art  one  year  nearer  to  the  haven  ot'  rest,  where 
thou  hast  so  long  desired  to  be.  Has  any  new  thing  happened 
unto  thee?  Any  thing  that  is  not  common  to  old  age: — com- 
mon for  an  afflicted  pilgrim,  with  a  vile  body  of  sin  and  death, 
to  encounter  and  endure?  Art  thou  not  content  to  hear  the 
breakings  down  of  nature,  with  the  drying  up  of  its  springs; — 
and  to  walk  through  the  valley  and  shadow  of  death,  as  those 
with  whom,  in  former  times,  thou  hast  had  sweet  society, — 
even  when  health  and  vigour  were  decayed ;  and  when  with 
tottering  steps,  and  many  a  groan,  they  waited  for  that  de- 
liverance which  they  have  now  obtained  ?  Dost  thou  expect 
that  a  new  way  is  to  be  made  for  thee,  instead  of  the  royal  way 
ordained  for  all  pilgrims  to  the  holy  city?  Look  at  thy  dear 
relatives, — mother, — brother, — sisters, — and  others.  Look  at 
thy  honoured,  beloved  minister,  and  father  in  the  gospel, — 
whose  more  than  usual  strength  and  vigour  of  mental  faculties 

were  reduced  to  infantile  feebleness  !     Look  at at at ; 

— and  say  again,  with  shame  and  chiding,  '  Why  art  thou  cast 
down,  O  my  soul  ?  hope  thou  in  God,  for  I  shall  yet  praise 
Him,  who  is  the  health  of  my  countenance,  and  my  God.' 

"  Where  is  the  father,  the  husband,  the  brother,  the  sister, 
or  the  friend, — worthy  of  such  endearing  names, — who,  when 
the  object  of  their  affection  is  laid  on  a  bed  of  sickness,  and 
disabled  from  the  performance  of  those  relative  duties  which 
belong  to  health, — will  not  show  more  love,  more  sympathy, 
more  tender  attention  towards  them,  because  they  are  sick  and 
disabled  ?  And  hov/  are  their  hearts  grieved,  when  the  dear 
sufferer  lies  weeping,  sorrowing,  because  they  are  no  longer 
able  to  execute  their  ibrmer  duties  and  services.  Inquire  then, 
'  What  thinkest  thou  of  Christ  ? '  What  of  His  love  and  com- 
passion ?  " — 

In  January,  1825,  Mrs.  Havvkes  addresses  her  friend  Mrs. 

Y ,  recently  recovered  from  a  dangerous  illness.     In  the 

portion  of  her  letter  which  has  been  selected  for  insertion,  she 
enlarges  on  that  simplicity  of  faith,  which  leads  to  the  assur- 
ance of  hope,  and  to  a  settled  peace  and  joy  in  believing, — 
springing  from  free  and  sovereign  grace. 


CHAP.  VIII.— FROM  A.  D.  1817  TO  1828.       311 

"As  respects  yourself,  my  dear  madam,  I  am  happy  to  hear 
that  the  blessed  and  merciful  Lord,  whom  you  love  and  serve, 
has  dealt  bountifully  with  you  in  his  rich  grace,  and  plentiful 
goodness,  and  made  all  your  bed  in  your  sickness, — praised 
be  his  name  !  May  your  faith  and  hope  be  greatly  enlarged, 
to  believe  with  an  assured  confidence,  that  the  same  Triune 
Lord,  will  uphold,  comfort,  and  keep  you,  even  to  the  end  ; 
and  though  you  may  yet  have  fears,  and  soul -conflicts,  for 
'  The  trial  of  your  faith  which  is  more  precious  than  gold,' — 
yet  the  white  robe,  and  the  glorious  crown  of  salvation  is  snre^ 
because  it  is  '  reserved  ;'  yes  !  thanks  be  to  sovereign  and  free 
grace  and  mercy  !  it  is  surely  '  reserved  in  heaven,'  for  them 
that  believe.  Yes!  let  us  sing  with  all  the  redeemed  in  earth 
and  heaven,  the  promise  is  to  them  that  believe.) — not  to  such 
as  are  perfect  in  holiness,  though  they  desire  it.  Nor  need 
such  as  are  cast  down,  and  have  misgivings  because  of  the 
coldness  of  their  hearts — their  short  comings — iheir  every-day 
failures — their  fresh  contracted  stains  from  continual  infirmi- 
ties, and  the  warring  of  the  flesh  against  the  spirit ; — have  any 
reason  to  fear  the  loss  of  their  wondrously-purchased  crown  ; 
for  it  is  reserved  for  all  that  believe  in  Christ  and  are  his  sheep. 
1  am  more  and  more  persuaded,  my  dear  madam,  that  our 
establishment  in  faith,  peace,  and  comfort,  is  in  proportion  as 
we  simply  look  to  Jesus,  and  keep  clinging  to  the  foot  of  the 
blessed  cross  ;  taking,  as  fast  as  they  arise,  our  fears — tempta- 
tions— every  failure  in  our  spiritual  course — our  weakness, 
ignorance  and  wants, — and  there  spreading  them  before  Him  ; 
there  receiving  fresh  application  of  the  blood  of  sprinkling  on 
our  sick  and  stained  souls  ;  and  there  loosing  our  whole  selves 
in  Him.  Saying  to  every  accusation  which  conscience  or  Sa- 
tan brings  against  us,  however  true : — 

'  Thou  shall  answer,  Lord,  for  me.' 

Who,  in  his  own  good  time,  will  give  an  answer  of  peace ; 
silence  all  our  accusers,  and  make  us  savingly  to  believe,  that 
'The  blood  of  Jesus  Christ  cleanseth  from  all  sin;'  and  that 
'  nothing  shall  separate  us  from  the  love  of  Christ.' 

"  1  should  like  to  indulge  myself  in  relating  to  you,  who  kindly 
take  an  interest  in  an  unworthy  sister  pilgrim,  the  dealings 
of  the  Lord  with  me.  Graciously  and  tenderly  hath  He  dealt 
with  me,  for  his  own  name's  sake.  I  have  again  been  brought, 
(as  was  thought  by  myself  and  others,)  to  the  eve  of  my  de- 
parture :  and,  blessed  be  the  same  gracious  Saviour!  was 
brought  thereto  in  peace.     But  instead  of  an  entrance  into  rest, 


312  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

it  hath  seemed  the  good  pleasure  of  Him  that  doth  all  things 
well,  that  1  should  remain  a  little  longer  in  restlessness,  suffer* 
jng  and  trial.  Pray  for  me,  my  dear  madam,  that  the  will  of 
the  Lord  may  be  done  in  and  by  me  :  and  his  holy  design  there- 
in be  fully  accomplished:  and  that  in  all  things  J  may  say, 
♦  blessed  be  the  Lord,  for  he  is  plenteous  in  mercy,  and  a  very 
present  help  in  time  of  trouble." 

In  the  summer  of  this  year,  Mrs.  Hawkes  had  a  pressing 
invitation  from  some  very  valued  friends  in  Buckinghamshire, 
to  remove  into  the  country,  and  pass  her  remaining  days  near 
to  them,Mn  a  house  of  their  providing.  The  following  is  an 
extract  from  her  letter  in  reply  : — 

"  My  heart  loves  and  thanks  you  ;  and  will  ever  hope  to 
pray,  that  the  reward  of  your  affectionate  desires  and  inten- 
tions towards  me,  may  be  equally  the  same  as  if  I  were  in  the 
full  enjoyment  of  them.  But  were  you  to  see  me  now,  my 
dearest  friend,  not  merely  for  an  hour  or  two,  but  through  day 
after  day,  and  night  after  night,  of  pain  and  weakness,  you 
would  not  say,  Why  w\\\  you  not  come  and  put  yourself  under 
our  fostering  wings,  for  the  remainder  of  your  sinking  years? 
Delightful  idea!  but  uttered  with  a  silent  and  tender  sigh, — 
No,  it  cannot  be  !  Moreover,  I  should  consider  it  an  act  of  in- 
justice, and  absolute  selfishness,  to  burden  my  dear  friends, 
when  I  am  past  contributing  anything  to  them,  but  care  and 
anxiety.  My  sacred  harp  is  not,  I  am  thankful  to  say,  hung 
upon  the  willows  ;  but  it  can  only  vibrate  inwardly.  My  touch 
is  become  too  feeble  to  bring  out  its  sounds  to  gladden  other 
ears.  I  am  much  in  the  contemplation  of  how  necessarily  soli- 
tary is  the  greater  part  of  the  Christian  walk  ;  and  especially 
when  entering  into  the  valley  and  shadow  of  death.  How  un- 
speakable is  the  mercy,  when  the  heart  and  the  flesh  fail,  to 
find  that  indeed,  and  in  truth,  God  is  the  strength  of  the  heart, 
and  its  portion  forever  !  How  refreshing  to  drink  of  the  Liv- 
ing Fountain,  when  nature's  springs  are  failing!  May  we  each 
my  beloved  friend,  keep  closer  and  closer  to  this  sacred  Foun- 
tain." 

The  year  1826,  supplies  only  two  private  memorandums. 
The  first,  written  on  the  eve  of  leaving  Highgate,  where  Mrs. 
Hawkes  had  taken  a  lodging  for  a  few  months ;  and  the  second, 
at  the  close  of  the  year. 

Sept.  1826.  Highgate  Common. — "  Wliat  singular  trials, 


CHAP.  VIII FROM  A.  D.  1817  TO  1828.  313 

and  what  distinguished  mercies,  have  I  experienced  during  my 
abode  in  this  place  ! 

"  Visited  with  a  dangerous  illness  ;  alarmed  at  the  illness  of 
my  servant;^  afraid,  because  among  strangers,  and  at  a  dis- 
tance from  friends,  and  from  my  usual  medical  aid  ;  distressed 
also  on  account  of  the  illness  of  my  dear  niece,  who  is  my  es- 
sential attendant  and  helper. 

"  Now  let  me  mark  also  my  mercies  and  favours : — 

"A  mind  kept,  through  grace,  in  entire  peace;  faith  given 
to  rest  in  the  blessed  Saviour's  care,  as  a  child  in  the  arms  of 
its  mother;  waiting  for  the  solemn  command, to  depart  hence, 
and  to  enter  a  land  of  pure  delight ;  with  a  vivid  view  and 
deep  sense  of  the  free  grace  and  mercy  by  which  alone  such 
a  sinner — ah  !  such  a  sinful  worm  ! — could  obtain  a  heavenly 
inheritance. 

"  Now  again,  however,  the  time  of  departure  seems  to  re- 
cede; 

'  Let  me  not  murmur  at  my  stay, 
Nor  wish  my  sufferings  less.' 

*'  Mark  also  providential  mercies  ; — 

*'  Accommodated  in  a  quiet  and  roomy  house,  in  a  beautiful 
and  healthy  situation;  visited  in  a  most  friendly  manner,  by  a 
kind  medical  friend,  hitherto  a  stranger,  but  now  a  friend  in 
need ;  joined  by  my  dearest  daughter,  C.,^  who  came  to  dwell 
near  me,  and  who  was  unto  me  in  all  respects,  as  the  best  of 
daughters ;  comforted  by  the  frequent  attentions  of  my  kind 

niece  ;  favoured  with  extraordinary  kindness  from  Mrs.  P s ; 

benefited  by  visiting  a  dear  afflicted  saint.  Miss  VV d; 

visited  by  my  revered,  and  beloved  friend,  Dr.  Fearon,  who  no 
sooner  heard  of  my  wish  to  see  him,  than  with  that  instant 
readiness  which  is  one  of  the  truest  marks  of  sincere  friend- 
ship, he  travelled  many  miles,  and,  in  a  few  hours,  arrived  in 
town  to  my  great  comfort.  Surely  I  cannot  be  sufHciently 
thankful  for  such  a  friend, — the  unchanging  friend  of  many 
years;  may  his  unwearied  kindness  be  recompensed  a  hun- 
dred-fold!" 

Dec.  31,  1826. — "  Last  hour  of  the  departing  year  !  Oh, 
that  my  enumerations,  and  confessions,  and  sorrow  for  the 
sins  and  intirmities,  and  short-comings  of  the  past  year,  (which 
are   more   than    I   can    number,)    may  not    be   despised   of 

»  A  servant  who  had  lieen  with  Mrs.  Hawkes  fifteen  years  at  the  time 
of  wiiting  this, — and  who  remained  with  her  as  long  as  she  lived. — Ed. 
2  A  friend.     Mrs.  Hawkes  never  had  any  children. 

27 


314  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

Ihee,  O  Lord,  my  heavenly  Father !  '  The  sacrifices  of  a 
broken  and  contrite  heart,  O  God,  thou  wilt  not  despise.'  Let 
such  be  the  sacrifices  of  my  heart  at  all  times.  In  mercy 
hear,  and  accept,  my  groanings  :  and  also  my  poor  sacrifices 
of  praise  and  thanksgiving  for  unnumbered  mercies ;  which 
with  shame-facedness,  but  according  to  my  poor  feeble  faith, 
1  bring,  and  lay  on  that  Golden  Altar,  which  purifies  and 
sanctifies  every  gift ;  even  that  of  the  meanest,  weakest,  and 
vilest  worm,  who,  renouncing  every  other  plea  and  hope  for 
mercy,  pleadeth  the  all-prevailing  name  of  Jesus;  and  resteth 
in  his  atoning  sacrifice,  righteousness,  intercession,  and  full 
salvation. 

*  I  nothing  want  or  plead  beside, 

But  Jesus,  and  him  crucified ! '  " 

Monday f  Jan.  1,  1827. — "  First  hour  of  the  new  year. 

'  In  age  and  feebleness  extreme, 
Who  shall  a  helpless  worm  redeem  ? 
Jesus,  my  only  hope  thou  art, 
Strength  of  my  failing  flesh  and  heart ! 
O,  let  me  catch  a  smile  from  thee, 
And  drop  into  eternity.' 

"  I  am  indeed  a  wonder  to  myself,  that  I  should  be  brought 
out  of  so  many  deaths,  and  enter  on  another  year,  with  little 
more  than  a  life  of  death. 

"  Complainest  thou,  my  soul,  of  thy  long  imprisonment, — 
of  thy  continued  disappointment  of  escape  from  thy  narrow 
irksome  cage  ?  Faintest  thou  because  thy  labour  is  not  over, 
nor  the  battle  won  ?  Rather  humble  thyself,  and  put  thy 
mouth  in  the  dust,  that  with  all  that  has  been  done  for  thee, 
thou  hast  done  so  little  thyself  towards  obtaining  a  meetness 
for  thy  heavenly  inheritance.  Were  the  corn  f^Lilly  ripe,  it 
would  be  gathered  into  the  garner.  Thou  art  not  ripened. 
Besides,  were  there  no  other  reason  why  thou  shouldest  wait 
patiently,  it  is  enough  that  it  is  the  will  and  good  pleasure  of 
thy  Heavenly  Father.  Hast  thou  no  obligations  to  Him, 
(whose  thou  art  by  creation,  redemption,  adoption,  preserva- 
tion,) for  mercies,  temporal  and  spiritual, through  a  whole  life? 
Gird  up  the  loins  of  thy  mind,  and  say,  ♦  What  shall  I  render 
unto  the  Lord  for  all  his  benefits  ? '  Nothing  canst  thou  ren- 
der in  a  way  o^  merit ;  but  every  thing  in  doing  and  suffering 
according  to  his  will. 

A  memorandum  written  in  the  month  of  July,  is  the  next 
trace  we  meet  of  Mrs.  Hawkes's  Christian  experience. 


CHAP.  VIII. — FROM  A.  D.  1817  TO  1828.  315 

July  2^  1827. — <"  In  mo  ye  shall  have  peace.'  When  I 
review  my  sins  of  childhood,  and  unto  old  age,  I  wonder  that 
I  ever  have  an])  peace.  When  by  faith  I  look  to  Jesus,  his 
all-atoning  sacrifice,  righteousness,  and  intercession,  I  wonder 
that  my  peace  should  ever  be  broken. 

"  Sweet  is  that  emblem  of  the  Saviour,  '  And  Jacob  saw  a 
ladder  set  upon  the  earth,  whose  top  reached  to  heaven,'  Gen. 
xxviii.  12.  O  my  soul,  continually  ascend  this  sacred  ladder, 
and  receive  the  richest  favours  of  grace  and  mercy  :  and  de- 
scend, with  humble  gratitude,  to  make  holy  merchandise  for 
the  increase  of  thy  own  spiritual  life  and  growth,  and  for  the 
benefit  of  thy  fellow-pilgrims ;  and  also  for  the  glorifying  of 
thy  Father  which  is  in  heaven.  Otherwise  thy  gained  gold 
will  become  polluted,  and  changed  into  dross." 

The  deeply  spiritual  emanations  of  Mrs.  Hawkes's  mind,  to- 
gether with  her  clear  views  of  divine  truth, — in  combination 
with  the  strength  of  her  native  powers, — gave  her  an  unusual 
capability  of  instructing  others  in  divine  things;  especially  the 
young,  towards  whom  she  felt  strong  attachment.  About  this 
time  her  affectionate  solicitude  was  drawn  forth,  in  no  com- 
mon degree,  towards  some  young  relatives.  Early  deprived 
of  their  valuable  mother,  the  maternal  duties  had  been  well 
supplied  by  an  excellent  aunt.  It  pleased  God  to  visit  this  ex- 
emplary Christian  with  much  bodily  afiliction,  and  finally  to 
take  her  to  himself,  in  the  year  1827.^  Mrs.  Hawkcs  now  felt 
an  additional  interest  in  these  amiable  relatives,  and  endea- 
voured to  become  to  them  a  '  Mentor,'  as  far  as  her  infirmities 
would  allow.  These  young  ladies,  (the  Misses  Milward,) 
have  kindly  supplied  some  letters  for  this  Memoir,  and  also  the 
following  notes  of  a  parting  address,  made  to  them  by  Mrs. 
Havvkes  in  conversation,  in  the  month  of  August  1827,  pre- 
vious to  their  excursion  to  the  Isle  of  Wight. 

"  I  have  thought  much  of  you.  My  imagination  is  always 
at  work.  I  can  fancy  you  in  that  sweet  Niton,  in  rapture 
with  the  scenery;  but  do  not  stop  there:  let  the  surrounding 
beauties  lead  you  to  their  Author.  I  could  wish  myself  with 
you,  seated  on  that  beautiful  rock,  talking  of  your  dear  de- 
parted aunt;  and  above  all,  leading  you  to  higher  subjects. 
Before  you  go  out  each  day,  seek,  each  one  for  yourselves,  the 


1  See  an  allusion  to  this  LaJy,  page  153. 


31 G  3IKMOIKS  OF  31  K?,   HAWKKS. 

Divine  protection,  in  earnest  prayer.  Do  not.  rest  satisfied  with 
the  act  of  saying  a  prayer,  but  when  you  have  finished,  ask 
yourselves,  Have  I  really  prayed  ?  Has  the  Holy  Spirit  touched 
my  heart?  Has  it  been  softened?  Five  words  only,  in  this 
spirit,  will  be  accepted.  My  dear  young  friends,  be  decided. 
There  are  two  kinds  of  religion  : — One,  that  will  make  a  very 
fair  show",  and  appear  very  amiable  to  men,  but  which  will 
fail  in  the  hour  of  trial.  Its  fault  is,  that  it  does  not  go  deep 
enough ;  it  does  not  touch  the  heart.  God  says,  '  My  son  ! 
give  me  thy  heart.'  If  he  does  but  see  that  you  give  him  your 
heart  and  affections,  it  is  all  that  he  desires.  Your  heart  being 
resigned  to  him,  all  will  be  well ;  and  he  will  not  be  strict  to 
mark  failings  and  imperfections.  Never  rest  till  you  love 
your  Saviour.  It  is  easy  to  talk  of  love  to  him,  but  you  must 
feel  it;  you  must  love  him  more  than  the  dearest  earthly  ob- 
ject. Oh!  the  peace  that  arises  from  love  to  the  Saviour! 
Not  a  wave  of  trouble  rolls  across  that  peaceful  breast,  in 
which  such  love  dwells.  Oh !  the  comfort  of  such  a  friend  on 
a  dying  bed  !  The  tender  care  of  a  friend  or  parent  is  most 
felt  in  the  deepest  affliction.  Our  heavenly  Father  has  many- 
ways  of  comforting  his  children  :  not  by  removing  their  pain, — 
for  that  may  be  good  for  them, — but  by  sweet  texts  of  Scrip- 
lure,  and  delightful  communion  with  himself.  Be  decided;  be 
firm;  enjoy  the  good  things  allotted  to  you  by  providence,  but 
do  not  rest  your  affections  on  them,  nor  say,  This  will  make 
me  great  or  admired.  In  your  intercourse  with  worldly  peo- 
ple, be  polite  and  sociable,  regard  them  as  amiable  citizens  of 
this  lower  world  ;  but  have  nothing  to  do  with  their  merchan- 
dise, their  pleasures,  or  their  pursuits;  form  no  friendships, 
encourage  no  familiarity  with  them.  Say  to  your  soul.  Enter 
not  thou  into  their  counsels,  but  let  thy  converse  be  with  the 
excellent  of  the  earth.  Remember  you  must  each  travel  to 
heaven  alone.  You  may,  at  different  periods,  animate  each 
other;  but  there  is  much  in  this  work  that  can  only  be  done 
by  yourselves.  When  your  lamps  grow  dim,  hasten  to  trim 
them,  and  procure  a  fresh  supply  of  oil.  Remember  you  are 
to  be  the  '  Wise  virgins.'  I  have  often  prayed  for  you  when 
attending  the  ordinances  at  St.  John's  Chapel.  It  was  my 
spiritual  birth-place;  and  often  have  I  exclaimed.  Lord,  grant 
it  may  be  such  to  my  dear  young  friends  and  relatives;  to 
their  dear  father,  and  brother!  How  have  1  wept  there,  in 
former  years!  and  rejoiced  that  the  pews  were  so  high  that  I 
could  hide  my  excessive  weeping ;  so  great  was  my  fear  that  I 
did  not  love  my  Saviour.     1  had  been  trifling  with  religion 


CHAP.  VIII. FROM  A.  D.  1817  TO  1828.  317 

many  years. — My  head  will  not  allow  me  to  say  more  at 
present.  Farewell;  if  we  should  not  meet  again  on  earth,  see 
that  we  meet  in  heaven;  see  that  you  meet  me,  and  your  aunt, 
in  heaven." 

In   the   same   strain  of  piety  and   aOection,  Mrs.   Hawkes 
writes  to  her  young  friends,  while  at  Niton  : — 

"  I  much  wished  for  the  pleasure  of  holding  a  long  conver- 
sation with  you  on  paper;  but  my  generally  failing  strength, 
and  trembling  hand,  have  hitherto  impeded,  and  do  still  im- 
pede, the  comfortable  movement  of  my  pen.  I  have  had  two 
or  three  returns  of  painful  illness  since  I  had  the  pleasure  of 
receiving  your  very  gratifying  letter;  and  I  find  that  my  late 
attack  has  given  such  a  real  shake  to  my  before  feeble  frame, 
as  will  not  soon,  if  ever,  be  recovered.  Yet  I  am  undoubtedly 
convalescent ;  and  should  no  relapse  take  place,  you  may  per- 
haps find  me,  on  your  return,  as  well  as  usual.  Sure  I  am, 
that  while  by  the  Divine  will  and  appointment  my  lite  is  con- 
tinued, you  will  find  me,  as  ever,  your  atFectionatc,  deeply  in- 
terested, and  sincere  friend.  Truly  do  1  lament,  that  I  cannot 
do  all  I  wish  in  every  possible  way  of  benefit  and  comfort  to 
you,  and  each  one  of  your  kind  family.  When  you  so  ten- 
derly  and  sweetly  took  leave  of  me, — with  little  expectation  to 
either  of  us  of  meeting  again  on  this  side  of  Jordan's  banks, — 
my  recollections  of  our  long  intimacy,  of  past  occurrences,  of 
your  constant  friendship  and  kind  attentions,  and  your  too 
much  sorrow  and  unwillingness  to  death's  separating  stroke, — 
filled  my  mind  with  strong  and  tender  emotions,  and  increas- 
ing attachment;  and  with  sincere  self-reproach,  that  I  had 
been  sinfully  wanting  in  my  endeavours  to  be  more  useful  to 
you,  in  mental  and  spiritual  communications.  Ardently  do  1 
pray,  that  our  future  intercourse  may  be  made,  by  help  from 
above,  more  profitable;  and  more  mutually  confidential  and 
unreserved.  With  truth  and  aficction  I  can  aflirm,  that  the 
real  welfare  and  happiness  of  you  all,  lie  deeply  and  constantly 
near  my  heart,  and  greatly  occupy  my  thoughts. 

"  I  am  entertained,  and  much  delighted,  my  dear  S.  with 
all  I  hear  of  your  adventures.  The  surrounding  wonders, 
grand  and  beautiful,  which  you  are  exploring,  while  they  de- 
light the  eye,  are  equally  calculated  to  expand  the  mind,  and 
fill  it  with  elevating  and  instructive  contemplations  and  reflec- 
tions. 

"  The  picturesque  little  church  you  mention,  was  one  of  the 
objects   which,  together   with  the  surrounding   scenery,  your 
27* 


318  MEMOIRS  OF  MKS.  HAWKES. 

dear  aunt  and  myself  greatly  admired  ;  and  also  the  Slip ; 
with  several  other  places  which  I  have  not  time  to  mention. 
But  our  most  favourite  haunts  were  about  East  and  West 
Cowes,  and  Ryde.  Many  pleasures  did  we  mutually  enjoy 
in  that  sweet  spot ;  and  also  at  Portsea.  Dear,  departed 
friend!  Thoucrh  thou  hast  left  me  to  struffole  a  little  longer 
on  this  conflicting  shore,  yet  I  rejoice  in  thy  emancipation  I 
Thou  art  now  beholding  that  glory  that  completely  obscures 
all  the  splendour  of  this  poor  world  !  and  art  drinking  of  those 
pleasures,  in  comparison  of  which  all  others  are  but  as  draughts 
of  bitterness  !  I  shall  soon  re-unite  with  thy  sister-spirit,  never 
more  to  be  separated;  and  while  lingering  here  below,  I  will 
endeavour  to  prove  my  love  to  thy  dear  memory  in  that  way 
in  which,  could  I  hear  thy  voice  from  heaven,  I  know  thou 
wouldest  most  pathetically  request,  in  accents  similar  to  these: 
— Be  not,  my  old  friend,  content  to  prepare  for,  and  anticipate, 
your  oivn  happy  rejoining  me  in  the  mansions  of  bliss;  but 
exert  every  nerve,  make  every  diligent  effort,  to  bring  on  these 
dear  relatives,  (to  whom  my  whole  time,  care,  and  prayers 
were  unceasingly  devoted,)  as  far,  and  as  securely  in  '  the  nar- 
row way,'  as  may  lie  in  your  power.  That  will,  in  the  end, 
unite  them  to  us  again.  May  the  blessed  Saviour  bestow  on 
me  wisdom  and  grace  to  fulfil  this  request  and  desire  of  the 
beloved  saint !  and  dispose  each  of  your  hearts  to  the  same  ob- 
ject, and  noble  aim." 

From  the  same  to  Miss  M.  A.  Mil  ward  : — 

"  The  sweet  expressions  of  regard  in  your  kind  letters  from 
Niton,  can  but  prove  highly  gratifying  to  my  feelings  ;  yet,  I 
confess,  that  some  pain  mingles  with  my  pleasure,  while  I  read 
them  ;  which  originates  in  a  consciousness,  that  your  affec- 
tionate estimation  of  my  friendship,  vastly  surpasses  my  poor 
deservings ;  not  indeed  as  to  the  feelings  and  wishes  of 
my  heart,  but  as  respects  the  exertions  which  such  feelings  and 
wishes  ought  to  have  produced,  as  the  best  evidence  of  my  love 
and  interest  towards  you.  1  trust,  however,  that  the  near 
prospect  I  have  had  of  a  separation  from  you  by  death,  and 
the  self-reproach  I  have  felt  for  being  an  unfaithful  friend, — 
together  with  prayer,  and  hope  of  amendment, — will,  by  Divine 
help,  enable  us  to  find  more  comfort  and  benefit  in  our  future 
social  intercourse  ;  and  that  as  it  regards  myself,  I  shall  not 
fall  so  fiir  short  of  the  just  claims  you  have  upon  me.  Yet  I 
shrink  when  I  consider  what  is  implied  in  the  term,  a  corifiden- 


CHAP.  VIII. FROM  A.  D.   1817  TO  1828.  319 

tial  friend.  To  a  conscientious  and  reflective  mind,  it  im- 
plies and  enforces  a  serious  engagement,  especially  in  an  elder^ 
to  point  out  any  important,  observed  error,  failing,  or  mistake 
in  judgment,  spirit,  or  conduct;  unfettered  by  the  reluctance 
to  give  pain,  or  the  fear  of  offending  ;  together  with  an  earnest 
recommendation  of  the  right  line, — how  contrary  and  irksome 
soever  it  may  prove  to  the  natural  inclination,  preconceived 
opinion,  or  former  habits.  All  this,  and  much  more,  is  surely 
the  bounden  duty  of  a  faithful  friend.  Believe  me,  my  dear 
Mary  Anne,  nothing  less  than  the  strongest  afTection  and  in- 
terest,— the  most  unbounded  benevolence  of  mind, — the  strictest 
and  most  active  principle  of  Christian  integrity, — together  with 
the  encouraging  stimulus  afforded  by  a  willing  and  pleased  re- 
cipiency of  such  conmiunications, — can  ever  overcome  the  re- 
luctancy  of  a  feeling  mind  to  the  discharge  of  a  task  so  painful, 
and  too  often,  thankless.  Over-sensitiveness,  and  the  fear  of 
being  thought  indelicate  and  obtrusive,  too  often  puts  to  silence 
the  voice  of  duty.  You  must  therefore  expect  still  to  find  me, 
not  B.  faithless,  but  a  failing  friend.  To  guard,  as  much  as 
possible,  against  future  loss  of  profitable  intercourse,  I  wish  we 
could  make  some  practicable,  well-formed  plan,  by  which  our 
meeting  together  might  be  rendered  more  advantageous.  Your 
many  and  increasing  occupations  and  engagements,  have  pre- 
vented any  regular  and  fixed  visits.  A  mere  flying  call  is  un- 
suitable to  any  thing  but  cursory  chit-chat,  which  is  not  the 
whole  design  of  friendly  intercourse.  I  am>  well  aware  of 
many  difficulties  and  impediments  that  must  arise,  and  oppose 
our  wishes  to  form  a  regular  plan  of  meeting  together:  but  I 
propose  the  idea  for  your  deliberation.  A  large  and  rich  field 
of  intellectual,  religious,  and  general  subjects, — together  with 
interesting  reading, — will  pleasantly  fill  up  us  much  time  as 
v/e  can  secure.  Yet,  alas  I  I  am  forgetting  that  1  am  old  and 
feeble;  and  shall  often  fail,  not  in  inclination,  but  in  strength 
and  capability. 

"  The  interesting  accounts  of  all  that  you  are  in  the  pleas- 
ing enjoyment  of  in  the  Island,  transports  me,  in  mind  and  as- 
sociation, in  sweet  companionship  with  you  in  your  lovely 
retreat  and  in  your  rambles  and  adventures;  and  will  furnish 
much  pleasure  in  the  retrospect,  and  in  the  communication, 
when  you  return  home.  1  quite  anticipate  your  home-plea- 
sures  and  Sunday-privileges,  which  you  will  re-tasfe  with  new 
delight,  and  I  trust  with  increased  bcnejil  :  for  this  should  be 
the  end  proposed  in  all  our  pleasures." 


320  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

From  the  same  to  Miss  C.  Mil  ward. 

«*  Your  prompt  compliance  with  my  request  contained  in 
your  sister's  letter,  was  kind,  and  very  gratifying  to  me,  and  I 
sincerely  tliank  you.  It  also  leads  me  to  hope  for  a  more  in- 
terior and  unreserved  intimacy  with  you,  than  has  been  hith- 
erto formed  betv;een  us ;  and  which  has  been  prevented  by 
your  absence  from  home,  and  other  accidental  circumstances. 
With  freneral  society,  persons  who  know  any  thing  of  this  cold 
deceitful  world,  will  not  desire  much  acquaintance;  while  in- 
tercourse with  select  and  valuable  friends  will  be  esteemed  and 
cultivated.  Next  to  the  enjoyment  of  heavenly  communion,  I 
have  ever  considered  communion  with  congenial  and  mutually 
attached  minds,  one  of  the  sweetest  cordials  that  is  to  be  ob- 
tained in  this  poor  world  ;  where,  alas  !  shadow  instead  of  sub- 
stance every  where  presents  itself,  in  all  sorts  of  delusive 
forms  !  I  hope  that  my  young  friend  will  be  one  of  the 
favoured  few,  who  are  sufficiently  persuaded  of  this  sad  report 
of  a  sad  world,  from  the  testimony  of  the  Bible; — and  from 
facts,  that  those  who  have  tried  it,  have  to  record  and  relate, — 
without  being  taught  it  from  painful  experience.  Of  what 
mistake  and  falsehood  are  those  persons  guilty,  who  assert, 
that  religion  produces  a  gloomy  mind  !  and  that  it  requires  the 
sacrifice  of  the  pleasures  of  life  !  When  none  but  the  Christian 
can,  rationally,  be  gay  at  heart.  Others  may  be  outwardly 
gay  and  smiling,  because  thoughtlessness  and  dissipation  drive 
away  reflection :  but  let  sickness  or  trouble  overtake  the  vo- 
taries of  pleasure,  or  let  them  be  reduced  to  solitude, — and 
where  then  is  their  gaiety?  Even  in  the  midst  of  all  the  splen- 
did  spots  of  which  you  give  me  so  pleasing  a  description,  or  in 
any  other  which  could  be  imagined, — the  very  idea  of  being 
doomed  for  a  whole  life,  or  for  several  years  only,  to  be  quite 
alone^  is  sufficiently  depressing  to  convince  us  at  once  of  the 
unsatisfying  nature  of  '  the  things  which  are  seen.'  This  I 
perceive  dear  Mary  Anne  has  discovered,  by  her  excellent  re- 
mark on  the  solitariness  of  Mount  Cleves. 

"I  am  glad  your  prejudice  concerning  Mr. ,  is  removed 

by  reading  his  life.  VVith  other  benefits  gained  from  so  excel- 
lent a  record,  you  will  also  obtain  a  very  important  lesson  for 
future  use,  namely,  not  to  suffer  your  mind  to  be  prejudiced  or 
biassed  concerning  any  character,  whether  living  or  dead,  by 
hear-say,  or  by  mere  impression,  or  by  appearance  only. 
Through  life,  we  shall  have  to  say  to  ourselves,  '  Judge  not  by 


CHAP.  VIII. FROM  A.  D.   1817  TO  1828.  321 

the  outward  appearance;'  decide  not  without  close  investiga- 
tion ;  and  neither  [)raise  nor  censure  but  from  examination." 

Two  private  extracts  remain,  belonging  to  the  year  1827. 
The  first,  a  memorandum  written  by  Mrs.  Hawkes  on  her 
birth-day  ;  which,  though  unfinished,  may  suggest  some  heads 
for  profitable  self-examination; — with  another  written  at  the 
close  of  the  year,  in  the  form  of  a  prayer. 

Oct,  13,  1827. — "  After  another  year  of  increased  feeble- 
ness and  suffering,  with  a  burdened  weary  body  brought  nigh 
unto  death  by  fresh  attacks  of  disease;  together  with  also 
some  peculiar  spiritual  mercies;  I  would  ask  my  soul,  what  is 
the  record  of  this  anniversary  birth-day  1  What  the  request  1 
What  the  confession?  What  the  praise  and  thanksgiving? 
First,  what  the  record  1 " 

Dec.  31,  1827. — "Adored,  and  most  gracious  Lord  and 
Saviour  !  with  unfeigned  humility  and  thanksgiving  do  I  ac- 
knowledge thy  free  grace  and  mercy,  in  having  vouchsafed  to 
me  the  aid  of  thy  blessed  Spirit,  to  help  my  many  infirmities 
in  prayer  and  supplication  this  morning.  Powerfully  has  my 
heart  been  drawn  near  unto  a  throne  of  grace,  and  has  been 
poured  out  before  Thee.  Graciously  has  thine  hand  of  mercy, 
and  love,  replenished  ray  soul  with  precious  applications  of 
pardons  and  promises,  given,  for  thine  own  name's  sake,  to 
me  the  chief  of  sinners.  And  now,  O  Thou  that  givest  liberally 
and  upbraidest  not,  (much  as  I  deserve  the  severest  upbraid- 
ings,)  unto  Thee,  and  under  the  shadow  of  thy  wings,  does  my 
soul  flee  with  the  favours  and  blessings  which  thou  hast  given, 
to  preserve  them  unto  me;  that  neither  Satan  nor  sin,  those 
robbers  of  my  soul's  best  treasure,  may  take  away  what  thou 
hast  been  pleased  to  give.  Keep,  O  Lord,  that  which  I  hum- 
bly commit  unto  thee :  keep  me  l>om  that  foul  spirit  who  is 
ever  most  vigilant  when  the  soul  is  most  enriched  ;  and  either 
takes  away  its  jewels,  or  infuses  pride,  and  self-righlcousness, 
and  self-complacency,  to  poison  and  despoil. 

'Here  I  raise  my  Ebenezer, 
Hither  by  thine  help  I'm  come; 
And  I  trust,  by  thy  ?oo(l  pleasure, 
Safely  to  arrive  at  home.'  " 

With  evidently  feeble  and  trembling  hand,  the  following  two 
lines  are  added  at  the  early  dawn  of  the  new  year  : — 

Jan.  \st,  1828,  One  o'clock  in  the  morning. 

"  Hear,  O  hear,  my  supplication  ! 
Make  my  heart  thy  habitation." 


322  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.  HAWKES. 

Mrs.  Hawkes  had  n«w  been  nearly  twelve  years  in  the  same 
apartments  at  Queen's  Row,  Pentonville.  But  it  became  ne- 
cessary that  she  should  remove  at  Midsummer;  which  in  her 
critical  state  of  health,  and  rather  strained  circumstances, 
naturally  occasioned  her  some  anxiety  and  perplexity.  She 
had  indeed,  from  her  friends  in  Buckinghamshire,  renewed  and 
urgent  entreaties  to  come  and  reside  near  them,  with  entire 
emancipation  from  expense.  How  attractive  soever  such  kind 
friendship  might  seem,  Mrs.  Hawkes  felt  unable  to  avail  her- 
self of  the  offer.  She  thought  it  right  to  continue  in  the  midst 
of  her  numerous  friends  in  town.  She  was,  moreover,  deeply 
sensible  that  few  cotdd  be  fully  aware  of  her  infirm  and  suf- 
fering state:  and  true  it  was,  that  under  all  the  effects  of  dis- 
ease, the  look  of  health,  and  the  smile  of  serenity  and  cheer- 
fulness, ever  rested  on  her  countenance, — till  within  a  short 
time  of  her  death  ;  so  that  when  lying  on  her  couch,  and  in 
lively  conversation  with  her  friends,  her  increased  size  alone 
marked  her  as  an  invalid.  The  preservation  of  a  measure  of 
general  health  in  the  midst  of  local  disease,  might,  under  the 
divine  blessing,  be  attributed — partly  to  her  fine  constitution, — 
and  partly  to,  (what  in  her  circumstances  might  be  called,)  the 
very  self-denying  use  of  all  the  means  generally  conducive 
to  bodily  vigour.  In  reply  to  the  kind  offers  of  her  valued 
friends,  she  urges  the  impediment  presented  by  her  infirmities  ; 
as  well  as  her  want  of  certainty,  that  a  removal  from  town 
was  the  path  marked  out  to  her  by  providence. 

"  My  state  of  health,"  she  writes,  "  and  way  of  living,  is 
only  known  l.o  such  as  reside  with  me;  for  to  occasional  visi- 
tors, little  comparatively,  of  my  feebleness  and  suffering  is  per- 
ceptible,— because  my  spirits  are  generally  good,  and  my  looks 
do  not  much  vary.  To  myself,  however,  it  is  past  all  doubt 
that,  as  Herbert  says, — 

*  Death  is  still  working  like  a  mole, 
And  digs  my  grave  at  each  remove.' 

— that '  the  night  is  far  spent,  and  the  day  is  at  hand.'  Solemn, 
and  longed-for  day,  that  shall  have  no  more  clouds !  * 
*  *  Dearly  should  I  love  to  see  you;  but  I  fear  I  must 
not  indulge  the  hope  of  such  a  pleasure.  1  feel  it  truly  gratify- 
ing that  my  beloved  friends  do  not  give  up  their  kind  wish  that 
I  should  be  a  sojourner  at  Emberton,  which  will  ever  present 
to  me  many  almost  irresistable  attractions.  All  that  has  been 
wanting  to  my  willing   mind,  was  a  warrant  with  an  indispu- 


CHAP.  VIII. FR03I  A.  D.  1817  TO  1328.  323 

table  signature  thereto  affixed.  In  my  changing  life,  I  have 
many  times  found  it  no  small  exercise  of  faith  and  pa- 
tience, to  have  roads  placed  before  me,  without  a  ray  of  light 
to  mark  which  was  the  right.  All  I  can  hope  is,  that  I  am 
where  a  gracious  providence  has  cast  my  lot.  I  cannot  say  I 
have  no  longing,  but  I  have  certainly  now  no  debatings,  con- 
cerning future  movements;  my  last  remove  is  at  hand;  it  is 
always  in  my  thoughts:  and  through  mercy,  in  my  peaceful 
expectation.  I  should  delight  to  talk  with  you,  my  beloved 
Iriend,  of  all  that  passed  in  my  mind  and  feelings  since  we 
used  to  have  sweet  converse  together ;  and  to  receive  your  in- 
teresting detail  to  the  same  effect.  But  if  one  of  our  sacred 
poets  be  correct  as  he  is  elegant,  we  may  hope  to  meet, 

'  Where  on  a  green  and  flowery  mount, 
Our  willing  souls  shall  sit ; 
And  with  increasing  joy  recount, 
The  labours  of  our  feet.' 

"  Until  that  happy  deliverance  of  our  vile  bodies  from  sio 
and  death,  let  us  never  forget  to  pray  for  each  other;  and,  as 
often  as  we  can,  exchange  a  cheering  word  that  may  stimu- 
late our  too-often  weary  minds,  in  pressing  forward  to  gain 
our  heavenly  prize." 

About  the  same  period  she  writes  to  another  friend  in  a  simi- 
lar strain  of  patient  hope.  After  expressing  her  regret  on  ac- 
count of  apparent  neglect,  she  goes  on  to  say, — 

"  But  I  must  pray  for  patience  with  myself,  and  willingness 
to  do  nothing,  and  be  nothing ;  and  to  be  more  lost  in  adoring 
contemplation  of  the  patience  and  forbearance  of  a  gracious  God 
and  Saviour  towards  me,  from  day  to  day.  I  think,  (at  least  I 
hope,)  that  1  do  sink  lower  and  lower  in  self-abasement,  and  self- 
abhorrence  ;  and  my  prayer  is,  that  this  sinking  may  be  accom- 
panied with  a  stronger  faith  in  Christ; — and  that  in  sinking  I 
may  rise,  and  climb  '  the  Rock  that  is  higher  than  I.'  My  con- 
tinuance on  earth  cannot  be  long ; — therefore  would  I  stand  with 
girded  loins,  and  a  burning  lamp.  Much  have  I  been  favoured 
of  late  in  the  sweet  drawings  of  a  Saviour's  love;  and  in 
consequence,  much  do  I  long  to  depart  and  be  with  Christ, 
which  is  far  better.  But  how  much  longer  my  suffering  state 
may  yet  be  protracted,  is  best  known  to  llim  whose  will  and 
pleasure  it  seems  to  continue  me  in  the  body,  for  the  gracious 
purpose  of  a  further  preparation  for  eternity, — and  on  account 


324  ME3I0IKS    OF  3IRS.  HAM  KES. 

of  some  to  whom,  through  His  power,  I  may  be  made  an  in- 
strument of  help  and  benefit. 

*' Yes,  I  am,  as  you  say,  nearly  seventy  years  of  age!  I 
really  cannot  bear,  except  in  some  favoured  seasons,  to  look 
back  upon  my  foolish  sinful  life.  But  when  I  am  sweetly 
brought  to  the  foot  of  ihe  cross,  in  the  exercise  of  penitence, 
faith  and  love, — when  I  dare  to  go  minutely  over  the  dreadful 
catalogue,  and  present  it  to  my  Saviour  to  cross  it  out,  and 
bear  it  away,  never  to  be  heard  of  more  in  a  way  of  condem- 
nation. Let  me  excite  you  my  dear  friend,  to  look  more  at 
the  Saviour  than  on  yourself;  it  is  by  loosing  ourselves  in  Hhii 
that  \ve  shall  grow  in  every  grace,  and  be  transformed  into 
his  image.  To  dwell  upon  what  He  is  in  Himself,  and  what 
He  is  to  us,  and  upon  His  stupendous  plan  of  redemption  for 
us,  enlarges  the  heart  and  the  understanding,  and  raises  us 
above  this  grovelling  world. 

*'  I  rejoice  in  your  success:  but  faith  must  still  be  your  sheet 
anchor,  as  well  as  mine,  whether  we  have  favours  or  no  fa- 
vours. May  it  be  mightily  increased  in  each  of  us,  togeiher 
with  every  other  grace  of  the  blessed  Spirit!" 

,  To  a  clergyman  with  whom  she  had  held  much  religious 
intercourse,  Mrs.  Hawkes  writes  in  the  month  of  June,  1828, 
as  follows : — 

*'  I  long  for  the  favour  of  your  sitting  quietly  by  the  side  of  my 
couch,  that  I  might  have  the  delight  of  hearing  you  talk  of 
things  new  and  old,  as  you  used  to  do;  and  that  I  might  ob- 
tain answers  to  many  questions  which  sometimes  confuse  my 
mind.  Seldom  as  1  leave  my  room,  save  merely  for  an  air- 
ing, yet  reports  and  rumours  of  what  is  passing  in  the  world, 
(I  mean  the  religious  world,)  reach  my  ears,  and  eyes  too,  in 
print, — such  as  make  me  feel  the  want  of  a  wise  interpreter, 
close  at  hand.  Not  so  much  for  my  07cn  satisfaction,  as  for 
the  sake  of  many  young  persons  who  eagerly  come  to  me,  to 
tell  them  what  to  believe  of  floating  speculations  and  theories, 
and  what  not :  while  at  the  same  time,  they  support  their  no- 
tions on  the  authority  of  such  good  and  established  teachers  of 
truth,  as  quite  to  shut  my  mouth  ;  and  I  cannot  help  feeling, 
that  these  (speculations)  to  say  the  least  of  them,  are  the  '  little 
foxes'  that  are  let  into  the  vineyards  to  'spoil  the  tender  grapes.' 
I  do  wish  my  revered  friend,  that  you  would  take  up  your  pen, 
and  send  forth  an  alarm  and  caution  to  young  converts ;  for  I 
am  in  full  evidence  of  the  mischief  that  is  doing  by  drawing 


CHAP.  VllI FROM  A.  D.  1817  TO  1828.        325 

fiff  their  minds  from  heart  to  head  knowledge.  Alas  !  old  as 
I  am,  and  having  nothing  left  to  attract  or  attach  my  mind  to 
earth, — yet  because  the  sinful  wretched  idol  se//",  is  left — I 
find  no  time  to  spare  for  any  other  object  or  pursuit,  than  how 
to  keep  my  lamp  burning,  in  readiness  for  my  Lord's  coming ; 
and  that  by  daily  and  hourly  seeking  to  obtain  oil  from  the  sa- 
cred and  true  Olive  Tree, — and  not  oil  that  is  doubtful,  or  adulter- 
ated. Ah,  we  want  our  dear  and  revered  father  Cecil  again 
amongst  us,  to  extinguish  delusive  lights  by  boldly  holding 
forth  the  torch  of  truth !  <  Wilt  thou  not  revive  us  again  V 
needs  to  be  our  cry.  But  so  said  our  beloved  father  Cecil 
years  ago,  when  he  preached  upon  that  text." 

In  reference  more  particularly  to  her  own  experience,  .Mrs. 
Hawkes  continues  in  the  same  letter: — 

"  With  deep  humiliation  and  thanksgiving,  I  trust  I  may 
venture  to  say,  '  Never  less  alone,  than  when  alone.'  Sweetly 
does  the  adorable  Saviour,  who  alone  can  be  an  ever-present 
friend,  invite,  and  frequently  enable  me  to  repose  my  cares, 
and  sorrows,  and  weariness,  and  pain,  on  his  breast  of  tender- 
ness and  love, — although  the  clamours  of  true  and  just  accusa- 
tions of  conscience,  and  of  Satan  himself,  strive  to  affright,  and 
give  the  name  of  presumption  to  my,  I  trust,  scriptural  confi- 
dence. Not  one  inch  dare  I  stir  but  on  Scripture  warrant. 
With  that  in  my  feeble  hand  of  faith,  and  prostrate  in  self- 
loathing,  and  self-renunciation,  at  the  foot  of  the  sacred  cross, 
— while  tears  of  penitence  and  love,  like  those  of  Mary's,  wash 
the  feet  of  my  crucified  Lord, — I  am  not  afraid  of  being  an 
Antinomian.  Nothing  but  free,  sovereign  grace  and  favour, 
will  meet  my  case,  and  bring  peace  to  my  soul.  All  the  dif- 
ference that  I  find  in  myself,  after  years  of  trials  and  experi- 
ence, is,  that  I  see  sin,  as  sin,  so  dreadful  and  hateful,  that  I 
know  not  where  to  hide  my  blushing  face ;  were  it  not  for  the 
gracious  displays  of  more  abounding  grace  and  love,  and  that 
outstretched-hand  of  mercy,  that  draws  me  to  hide  myself  in 
the  cleft  of  the  Rock  rent  for  me,  the  chief  of  sinners.  I 
would  sink  lower  and  lower  yet,  crying  out,  '  unclean,  un- 
clean,'— if  also  « I  may  be  found  in  Him,'  clothed  in  his  spot- 
less righteousness,  and  daily  more  transformed  into  the  mind 
and  likeness  of  Christ. 

"  With  regard  to  the  dispute  respecting  assurance,  I  wish  to 
know  your  thoughts,  rather  than  name  my  own.  I  can  only 
say, — happy  are  those  who  have  it  legitimately, — and  happy 
28 


326  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES, 

are  those  who  are  seeking  it  humbly.  But  neither  wise  nor 
profitable,  nor,  as  I  think,  safe  and  sound,  are  the  discussions 
and  arguments  upon  so  sacred  a  topic.  Our  honoured  father 
Cecil  used  to  say,  '  Assurance  is  the  daughter  of  experience.' 
What  echo  do  you  give  to  that,  dear  sir?  One  mercy  and 
favour  I  am  thankful  for, — namely,  though  clouds  sometimes 
arise,  I  can  climb  to  '  the  Rock  that  is  higher  than  I,'  and  cry 
out, '  Though  He  slay  me,  yet  will  I  trust  in  him.'  But  this  is 
a  '  low  state,'  and  '  little  faith,'  say  our  disputers,  and  '  scarcely 
safe.'  Well,  I  shall  soon,  1  trust  and  expect,  gain  admittance, 
*  through  the  blood  of  the  everlasting  covenant,'  into  that  king- 
dom onightj  where  there  is  no  darkness  at  all." 


CHAPTER  IX. 

her'  removal  from  QUEEN'S  ROW,  AND  SUBSEQUENT 
RESIDENCE  IN  CROSS  STREET,  ISLINGTON, 

FROM  A.  D.  1828  TO  1832. 

Kindness  of  Mr.  B . — Mrs.  Hawkes's  letters  to  this  friend — Her  tem- 
porary abode  at  Highgate — Comfortable  settlement  in  Cross  Street — 
Letter  to  a  friend  harassed  by  spiritual  doubts  and  fears — Her  views 
of  the  Holy  Trinity — Increasing  humility — Letter  of  the  Rev.  .lohn 
Berridge — Of  the  Rev.  Joseph  Milner — Visitation  of  severe  sickness — 
Letter  to  Mrs.  Y — ,  in  which  she  notices  the  death  of  Mrs.  Cecil — Let- 
ter to  a  relative  on  the  subject  of  entering  the  ministry — To  Mr.  E.  T. 
Jones,  on  prayer — Letters  to  the  Rev.  R.  Waldo  Sibthorp. 

Among  those  friends  who  valued  Mrs.  Hawkes's  society, 
there  was  one,  well  known  for  his  benevolence  and  christian 
character,  an  old  hearer  of  Mr.  Cecil's,  and  who  by  his  liberali- 
ties towards  his  afllicted  minister  had  occasioned  the  remark, 
that  he  and  his  equally  generous  partner  were  like  the  Mace- 
donians, who,  "  to  their  power,  and  beyond  their  power,  had 
administered  to  the  saints."  During  the  latter  years  of  Mrs. 
Hawkes's  life,  Mr.  B — ,  the  friend  of  whom  we  are  speaking, 
was  continually  tendering  his  kind  offices,  and  endeavouring 
to  administer  to  her  comfort, — as  will  appear,  by  the  repeated 


CHAP.  IX FROM  A.  D.  1828  TO  1832.  327 

expressions  of  acknowledgment  'which  occur  in  her  letters  to 

Mr.  B ;  whose  ready  kindness  was  now  shewn  hy  offers 

to  assist  Mrs.  Hawkes  in  procuring  suitable  apartments,  on  her 
being  obliged  to  leave  Queen's  Row ;  and  to  which  she  replies 
in  the  following  note: 

"  Your  kind  message,  my  dear  sir,  was  communicated  to 
me  by  Mrs.  Collyer,  and  has  my  sincere  and  grateful  thanks. 
If  you  please,  1  will  request  you  to  render  me  assistance  by 
condescending  to  allow  my  good  Ann  a  place  in  your  chaise. 
It  will  be  doing  me  great  service  that  she  may  be  saved  long 
walks, — for  her  strength  is  much  worn  away  by  the  weight 
under  which  she  has,  for  so  many  years,  put  her  willing 
shoulder  for  my  sake.  My  first  enquiry  will  be  at  Highgate, 
and  my  next  at  Kilburn;  and  if  at  the  latter,  I  will  thankfully 
avail  myself  of  your  kind  help,  as  you  are  now  residing  on  the 
spot.  That  no  favourable  place  of  worship  will  be  within  my 
reach,  is  less  an  obstacle  than  formerly  ; — because,  v/ere  there 
one  at  the  next  door,  I  should  be  sadly  prevented  from  attend- 
ing. Tet  the  being  near  to  a  sacred  Temple  is  a  pleasure  as 
well  as  pain  to  a  poor  prisoner.  Soon,  however,  the  dis-im- 
prisoned  spirit  shall  leave  its  earthly  cage,  and  soar  away  to 
that  blessed  city  where  '  no  temple  is  therein ;  for  the  Lord 
God  Almighty,  and  the  Lamb  are  the  Temple  of  ii'.'  There, 
I  trust,  I  shall  strike  my  harp  with  yours,  in  songs  of  loudest 
praise!  And  here,  also,  while  pilgrims  in  this  conflicting 
world,  may  we  tune  our  harps,  (unstrung  as  they  often  are  by 
sin  and  sorrow,)  till  our  high  praises  rise  higher  and  higher  to 
him  who  hath  loved  us, — and  who  daily  manifests  his  love  and 
<2are, — till  they  mingle  at  length  with  heavenly  strains." 

Mrs.  Hawkes  next  notices  her  departure  from  Queen's  Row 
to  a  temporary  lodging  : — 

Friday,  June  27,  1828.— "I  am  this  day  leaving  Queen's 
Row,  after  a  residence  of  nearly  twelve  years  I  Years  filled  up 
with  many  sufferings  and  troubles;  and  also  many  mercies, 
and  gracious  soul-enjoyments, — praised  be  the  Lord  !  And  nov/ 
I  am  literally  going  out,  I  know  not  whither.  But  my  soul 
hangeth  on  the  God  of  Abraham;  He  being  my  Almighty 
Friend,  I  need  not  fear:  while  by  an  assured  faith  I  can  say, 
«  If  my  earthly  house  of  this  tabernacle  were  dissolved  I  have 
a  building  of  God,' — all  is  well,  all  is  mercy,  even  though  I  had 
not  where  to  lay  my  head." 


328  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

From  this  temporary  lodging,  she  again  addressed  her  friend, 
Mr.  B ,  as  follows  : — 

Penton  Places  July  19,  1828. 
"  My  tlear  sir, 

"  When  our  valued  friend,  Mr.  Hodson,told  you  I  was  very 
anxious  about  lodgings, — he  told  you  truth ;  I  am  much  more 
so  than  I  ought  to  be.  A  stronger  faith  would  rest  quietly  on 
(he  everlasting  promises.  It  is  not,  however,  so  much  about 
country  lodgings  that  1  am  anxious,  as  what  I  shall  do  for  a 
place  of  more  permanency  when  my  little  country  recess  is 
over.  I  am  ashamed  that  an  old  pilgrim,  who  has  been  with- 
out what  may  be  really  called  a  hov^e  for  thirty  years,  should 
now  faint  in  her  journey  because  no  Inn  seems  at  hand, — when 
it  is  absolutely  said,  '  the  Lord  will  provide.'  '  J f  thou  faintest 
in  the  day  of  adversity,  thy  strength  is  small.'  Yes  alas  !  my 
strength  is  small,  and  my  stature  in  grace  is  that  of  a  dwarf 
I  am  very  thankful  that  you,  my  most  kind  friend,  remember 
me  in  your  prayers ;  may  they,  by  the  help  of  the  Blessed 
Spirit,  be  raised  to  importunity  on  my  behalf. 

"  Accept  my  best  thanks  for  your  very  nice  present.     The 
ham  was  truly  as  delicate  and  savoury  as  could  be  eaten. 
"  Your  affectionate,  and  grateful, 

"  S.  Hawkes." 

By  the  exertions  of  Mrs.  Hawkes's  friends,  comfortable  lodg- 
ings were  obtained  for  her  at  Highgate — where  she  went  in  the 
month  of  August,  and  remained  nearly  five  months.  While 
there,  she  wrote  the  following  memorandums : — 

Prospect  Buildings,  Sept.  1828. — ''I  would  fain  'set  me 
up  way-marks;'  and  in  sincere  humiliation,  reverence,  and 
gratitude,  trace  the  Lord's  dealings  with  me,  (and  something 
of  my  varied  experience  therein,)  during  my  stay  in  this  plea- 
sant tent,  which  I  must  soon  exchange  for  another.  Oh  may 
the  same  Divine  hand  of  love  and  mercy  point  out  my  future 
way  !  and  lead  me,  as  it  hath  in  great  forbearance  and  com- 
passion ever  led  me,  until  my  painful  changes  end  in  everlast- 
ing rest ! 

"  1  would  fain  keep  in  remembrance  all  that  I  have  been 
passing  through — especially  during  the  last  six  or  eight  months 
— and  the  gracious  instructions  which  have,  I  trust,  been  im- 
printed on  my  heart  by  the  Blessed  Spirit,  who  alone  teaches 
to  profit.     If  I  mistake  not.  He  has  vouchsafed  to  be  working 


ciiAr.  IX FROM  A.  D.  1828  TO  1832.  329 

His  own  sacred  work  very  powerfully  in  my  soul ;  in  the  way 
of  convincincT  me  of  sins  past,— springing  from  my  corrupt 
nature  and  deceitful  heart,— and  of  indwelling  sin,  still  pre- 
sent:  in  the  way  of  lender  meltings,  self-emptying,  and  reduc- 
ing all  that  is  whhin  me  to  God  ;  causing  me  to  cry  out,  '  O 
wretched  creature  that  I  am  !'  '  Save,  Lord,  or  I  perish  !'  " 

Oct.  13,  1828,,— "This  anniversary  of  my  birth-day  hatli 
entered  me  upon  the  70th  year  of  my  age  !  « 1  am  as  a  won- 
der unto  many,'  but  most  of  all  to  myself,  that  after  so  many 
years  of  sickness,  and  varied  afflictive  pressures,  life  should 
have  attained  to  such  an  age  !  Nothing  can  be  more  plain 
than  that  it  is  the  will  and  good  pleasure  of  the  Lord  that  so  it 
should  be.  May  his  holy  will  and  purpose  in  prolonging  so 
unuseful  and  unworthy  a  life,  be  fully  answered  and  accom- 
plished, in  a  full  preparation  for  eternal  life  1 

"  Some  preceding  months  have  been  marked  with  extraor- 
dinary trials  and  sorrows,  in  addition  to  my  usual  ones, — and 
with  corresponding  solemnity  of  mind,  and  enlarged  experi- 
ence. No  painter's  or  poet's' touch,  could  delineate  my  views 
and  feelings,  and  sentiments,  while  I  have  been  made  to  retire 
(if  I  may  so  speak)  from  creature  converse,  and  shut  my  doors 
about  me;  arid  lay  open  every  inmost  thought  of  my  heart,^ 
under  the  deepest  sense  I  ever  had,  of  the  all-searching  eye  of 
God  upon  me  ;  and  of  all  the  sins  of  my  past  life,  both  before, 
and  especially  after,  conversion.  Oh  that  I  might  ever  bear 
in  remembrance  the  reflections,  the  impressions,  the  tears  and 
prayers,  the  humblings,— and  yet  the  supports  and  encourage- 
ments,— of  these  solemn  seasons  of  soul-transactions  with  God, 
in  my  depths  of  trouble!  which  can  never  be  known  but  be- 
tween myself  and  God.  Praised  be  his  name  !  unto  Him  have 
1  cried,  and  he  hath  heard  me,  and  doth  hear,  the  voice  of  my 
supplication  :  and  doth  in  mercy  correct  me  for  my  profit.  Fie 
hath,  as  I  trust,  been  teaching"  me,  and  sealing  me  with  re- 
newed sealings  of  His  Holy  S'pirit,  to  the  farther  enlargement, 
and  establishment,  of  faith  and  hope  in  Christ,  my  Lord  and 
Saviour.  My  prayer  and  hope  is,  that  I  am  entering  into  this 
year  added  to  my  painful  pilgrimage,  more  weaned  from  earth, 
and  from  creature  comforts  and  dependencies ;  and  that  I  am 
entering,  in  a  larger  measure,  into  a  hidden  life  with  Christ  in 
God; — and  pressing  forward  in  the  exercising  myself,  by  his 
grace,  unto  all  godliness.— until  the  warfare  be  ended,  and  the 
victory  be  gained,  through  Jesus  Christ,  who  is  my  only  hope 
of  salvation.  Death,  if  I  mistake  not,  is  drawing  very  near  to 
23* 


830  MEMOIRS  OF  3IRS.   HAWKES. 

me ;  my  night  is  far  spent ;  the  day  is  at  hand  ;— '  Bless  the 
Lord,  O  my  soul.'  " 

While  at  Highgate.  Mrs.  Havvkes  was  not  forgetful  of  her 
young  friends  and  relatives  lately  mentioned  ;  but  followed  them 
by  her  letters,  to  Leamington,  where  they  had  retired  for  the 
season.     Writing  to  Miss  M.  A.  Milward  she  says : — 

"  1  have  thought  of  you  all,  my  dear  loves,  with  intense  in- 
terest  ever  since  your  departure  to  Leamington  ;  and  in  my 
mind,  (and  purpose  when  able.)  1  have  written  a  long  letter 
to  you,  beginning  with  the  enquiry,  how  my  dearest  young 
friends  were  walking  throu-gh  '  vanity  fair?'  for  such  is  this 
world  at  large, — and  especially  such  as  are  all  public  rendezvous 
for  summer  visitors,  i  have  been  the  more  anxious,  because 
of  the  want  of  those  means  of  grace  v/ith  which  you  are  so 
highly  favoured  in  London.  It  seems,  however,  that  God  is 
teaching  you  by  means  which  are  often  made  more  really  ef- 
fective than  what  may  be  afforded  in  even  the  best  public  teach- 
ing. The  lessons  taught  by  affliction,  reach  the  heart,  divested 
of  those  accompaniments  which,  through  self  love  and  our  na- 
ture's frailty,  are  too  apt  to  divert  the  attention  in  public  ordi- 
nances :  and  thus  prevent,  in  no  small  measure,  the  arrow  of 
gospel  truth  from  penetrating  and  fixing,  so  as  to  become  effi- 
cacious, and  universally  operative  upon  the  heart  and  life.  My 
dear  young  friends  are  not  now  beginning  to  learn  that  true 
peace  and  happiness  are  not  of  this  world's  growth  or  produc- 
tion :  and  I  trust  they  will,  from  their  present  painful  dispen- 
sation, be  more  and  more  confirmed  in  their  persuasion  of  it ;. 
and  be  led  with  more  earnestness  and  delermination,  to  obtain 
not  only  the  approbation,  but  the  personal  possession  of  that 
treasure  of  v/hich  nothing  can  rob  them  ;  and  which  most  dis- 
covers its  superiority  and  intrinsic  value,  in  limes  of  trouble 
and  affliction." 

To  Miss  Milward,  after  her  return  from  Leamington.  Mrs* 
Hawkes  writes  as  follows: — 

*'  You  were  each  much  upon  my  mind  to-day,  when  en- 
gaged in  my  usual  early  morning  exercises.  By  a  better  help 
than  my  own,  (for  of  ourselves  we  can  do  nothing,)  I  was  en- 
abled to  pray  fervently  that  each  of  my  dear  young  friends, 
while,  with  gladdened  heart,  they  would  this  day  re-enter  their 
valued  and  loved  place  of  worship,  might  meet  therein  a  new 


CHAP.  IX.— FROM  A.  D.  1828  TO  1832.       331 

token  of  special  love  and  grace  from  Him,  who  alone  can  bless 
them.  Since,  as  I  trust,  my  supplications  were  not  of  my 
own  dictating,  it  will  not,  I  hope,  appear  like  want  of  modesty 
if  I  endeavour  to  retrace  any  part  of  them,  however  imper- 
fectly, on  paper;  and  may  your  own  hearts  say,  Amen!  All- 
gracious  Lord,  and  Saviour!  while  according  to  thy  promise, 
thou  art  present  to  bless  thy  true  worshippers  assembled  this 
day  in  thy  house  of  prayer,  vouchsafe  to  look  with  tender  pity 
and  love  on  my  young  friends,  whom  thy  kind  providence 
hath  brought  again  to  the  sanctuary,  wherein,  through  thy 
great  mercy,  Thou  hast  appointed  them  a  place.  O  let  thy 
Holy  Spirit,  in  an  especial  manner,  new  create  their  souls  ;  and 
by  his  shining,  discovering  light,  shew  them  more  sensibly 
their  need  of  a  Saviour;  and  lead  them  to  Him  with  a  true, 
broken,  and  contrite  heart ;  that  with  saving  faith  they  may 
surrender  and  dedicate  themselves  anew,  body,  soul,  and  spirit, 
to  be  entirely  the  Lord's.  O  give  them  grace  to  renounce 
wholly  the  pomps  and  vanities  of  this  deceitful  world  ;  and 
give  them  such  a  saving  knowledge  of  Jesus  Christ,  and  such 
love  to  him,  and  to  his  blessed  word  and  ordinances,  as  shall 
lead  them  to  hate  and  forsake  all  sin,  to  walk  as  children  of 
light  in  all  thy  holy  ways,  and  to  'count  all  things  as  dung 
and  dross,'  so  that  living  and  dying,  they  '  may  win  Christ, 
and  be  found  in  him ;'  that  they  may  not  only  have  the  name 
to  live,  but  be  real  partakers  of  spiritual  and  eternal  life. 

"  Such,  with  many  other  requests  for  you  all,  is  the  lan- 
guage of  the  heart  of, 

•'  Your  obliged  and  alfectionate, 

"  Sarah  Hawkes." 

Highgate,  Nov.  16,  1828. 

''  P.  S.  Remember,  I  am  longing  to  see  you." 

The  following  letter  to  her  friend  Mr.  B ,  is  important, 

as  it  furnishes  an  additional  declaration  of"  the  testimony  of  a 
good  conscience."  Drawn  out  by  a  person  of  unfeigned  piety  to 
speak  upon  the  subject  of  her  soul's  prosperity,  she  with  much 
ingenuous  simplicity  acknowledges  her  advancement  in  spirit- 
ual tilings.  In  this  letter  Mrs.  Hawkes  refers  to  another  of 
those  severe  and  dangerous  attacks  of  illness,  to  which,  be- 
sides the  burden  of  her  ordinary  complaints,  she  was  more 
especially  subject  towards  the  close  of  her  life.  It  is  pleasing 
to  record  her  acknowledgments  of  the  seasonable  and  aifec- 
lionate  oflerin^s  of  Christian  love,  from  one  who  was  careful 
not  to  let  his  left  hand  know  what  his  right  hand  did. 


332  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

From  Mrs.  Hawkes  to  Mr.  B . 

Nov.  1828. 
"  My  dear  Sir, 

"  I  have  this  day,  together  with  your  usual  kind 
supply  of  good  things,  received  your  demand  for  my  long 
promised  letter;  which,  though  not  worth  sending,  shall  be 
forthcoming,  just  as  it  is,  as  a  proof  of  my  obedience  to  your 
request.  I  confess  I  am  not  so  willing  to  obey  your  very 
strict  prohibitions  against  acknowledging  your  many  kind 
favours.  I  can  truly  say,  I  have  not  expressed  any  thing  at 
all  adequate  to  convey  my  grateful  feelings  for  your  Christian 
friendship,  and  remembrance  of  one  whom  you  consider  to  be 
of  the  household  of  faith.  Alas!  how  unworthy  a  member 
can  only  be  known  to  myself!  and  to  Hi7n,  who  nevertheless 
does  not,  as  I  deserve,  cast  me  out  of  his  blessed  family.  How- 
ever, I  pray  j^ou,  my  dear  friend,  to  remember  that  though  it 
is  written,  '  It  is  more  blessed  to  give  than  to  receive,'  yet  the 
receiver  may  surely  have  the  gratification  of  returning  thanks 
to  the  giver;  which  is  but  a  poor  return,  or  rather  no  return 
at  all  for  what  is  received.  I  will,  notwithstanding,  try,  to 
bear  in  mind  your  prohibition,  so  as  not  lo  wound  so  refined 
and  generous  a  feeling  as  is  thereby  portrayed. 

"  I  am  thankful  to  an  ever-faithful  and  gracious  God,  that  I 
can  answer  your  kind  enquiries  concerning  my  best  welfare, 
by  bearing  such  a  humble  testimony  to  the  Lord's  great  good- 
ness and  mercy  towards  me,  as  will,  1  am  sure,  dispose  your 
heart  to  unite  with  mine  in  a  song  of  praise.  The  adorable 
Saviour  has  vouchsafed  so  to  manliest  himself,  according  to  his 
blessed  promise,  and  to  draw  me  so  nigh  unto  himself  during 
my  late  serious  illness,  as  led  me  to  expect  and  anticipate  that 
he  was  about  to  take  his  ransomed  one  home ;  far  away  from 
this  world  of  sin  and  sorrow,  and  from  this  vile  body  of  sin  and 
death.  But  the  removal  of  the  attack,  together  with  some 
small  measure  of  renewed  strength,  seems  to  signify  that  it  is 
His  holy  will  that  my  painful  warfare  should  continue  a  little 
longer.  Pray  for  me,  my  dear  and  valued  friend,  as  I  do  for 
myself,  that  all  that  is  within  me  may  say,  '  Lord!  not  as  i 
will  but  as  thou  wilt.'  '  The  cup  which  my  Father  hath  given 
me,  shall  I  not  drink  it?'  But  the  power  of  all-sufiicient 
grace  alone  can  make  me  willing  to  endure,  as  long  as  he  is 
pleased  to  a])point.  During  some  passing  montliS,  T  have  been 
under  very  deep  trial  ;  for  that  is  a  trial  which  is  made  so  at 
the  time  it  is  sent,  of  what  sort  soever  it  may  be.     That  mav 


CHAP.  IX.— FROM  A.  D.  1828  TO  1832.        333 

prove  a  heavy,  heart-sickening  trouble  at  one  time,  which,  on 
the  retrospect,  may  make  us  wonder  we  could  feel  so  much 
about  it.  When,  however,  a  trial  is  sent  from  God,  it  is  sent 
to  prove  and  try  what  is  in  the  heart ;  and  it  shall  not  be  sent 
in  vain.  I  greatly  desire  that  I  may  retain  in  my  remem- 
brance, as  long  as  I  live,  the  discoveries  that  have  been  made 
to  me,  and  that  yet  continue  to  be  made,  concerning  my  vile 
and  loathsome  self ;  most  of  all  since  my  profession  of  faith, 
and  the  manifestation  of  the  abounding, — yes,  more  abound- 
ing !  grace,  compassion,  and  love  of  God  in  Christ,  to  such  a 
hell-deserving  sinner.  Ah  !  there  are  heights,  and  depths,  and 
lengths,  and  breadths  in  both,  which  the  Holy  Spirit  alone  can 
reveal;  and  which  I  believe  can  only  be  known  in  the  sober, 
solemn  night  of  affliction.  Therefore  I  do  join  my  testimony 
to  that  of  David's,  '  It  is  good  for  me  that  I  have  been  afflict- 
ed.' And  I  desire  to  be  made  willing  that  my  affliction  should 
continue  as  long  as  a  faithful  soul-healing  God  should  see  it 
needful ;  although  at  times,  heart  and  flesh  seem  ready  to  faint 
and  fail. 

"  I  hope  when  I  return  to  town,  that  we  shall  have  opportu- 
nities of  conversing  on  the  best  things,  and  talk  of  all  our  mer- 
cies. 1  should  be  half  inclined  to  settle  in  some  milder  and 
less  exposed  spot  in  Highgate,  were  it  not  that  the  distance 
would  separate  me  so  much  from  the  society  of  dear  friends, 
who  could  seldom  visit  me  here.  In  younger  years  I  delighted 
in  seclusion,  being  always  able  to  make  my  books  my  sole 
companions.  But  I  find  that  hoary  hairs,  and  ill-health,  re- 
quire a  moderate  degree  of  kind  and  cheerful  society. 

"  Earnestly  entreating  the  continuance  of  your  prayers,  the 
greatest  kindness  which  your  benevolent  heart  can  grant, 
"  Believe  me,  my  dear  Sir,  to  remain, 

"  Your  grateful  and  alTectionate, 

"  S.  Hawkes." 

In  the  month  of  December,  Mrs.  Hawkes  left  Highgate,  and 
settled  in  Cross  street,  Islington.  In  a  memorandum  written 
at  the  opening  of  the  year  1829,  she  expresses  the  satisfac- 
tion she  felt  on  being  received  into  the  house  of  Mr.  and  Mrs. 
T . 

Jan.  1.  1829. — ''Having  been  received,  through  the  tender 
care  of  my  heavenly  Father,  into  this  kind  family,  I  would  ac- 
knowledge the  mercy;  and  encourage  myself  to  hope  and  be- 
lieve, that  this  is  a  token  for  good,  and  a  condescending  pledge 


334  3IE3IOIRS    OF    MKS.    HAWKE3 

that  the  Lord  will  be  gracious  and  merciful  from  the  beginning 
to  the  end  of  the  year,  and  also  the  end  of  my  painful  pilgrim- 
age. I  seem  as  one  needing  time  to  collect  together  my  dis- 
tracted and  confused  thoughts  respecting  the  extraordinary  im- 
provement in  my  present  situation,  compared  with  the  last  in 
Queen's  Row.  Here  1  raise  my  Ebenezer,  and  desire  to  look 
up  for  a  blessing  on  m}^  new  abode.  The  last  year  has  been 
one  of  many  trials,  and  much  feebleness  and  sorrow.  I  have 
been  led  by  a  way  that  I  knew  not ;  and  faith  has  been  put  to 
hard  conflicts  and  struggles.  But,  blessed  be  God,  who  chose 
my  way,  he  did  not  forsake  me  in  it  ;  and  he  hath  brought  me 
out  of  it  with  much  spiritual  gain,  and  with  praise  and  thanks- 
giving. This  hath  encouraged  me  to  enter  on  the  new  year 
with  tears  of  contrition,  hope,  and  fresh  dedication  of  all  I 
have  and  am  ;  desiring  to  live  wholly  and  unreservedly  to  Him, 
in  whom  alone  is  my  portion  and  refuge.  'Thou,  O  God,  art 
the  thing  that  I  long  for.'  It  is  not  the  removal  of  my  suffer- 
ings and  sorrows  that  I  seek,  but  the  light  of  thy  countenance, 
the  indwelling  presence  of  my  adorable  Saviour,  and  grace  to 
abide  in  him,  and  to  bring  forth  more  fruit,  ripe  fruit,  to  the 
glory  of  my  God,  v.'ho  hath,  as  I  trust,  '  made  with  me  an 
everlasting  covenant,  ordered  in  all  things  and  sure,'  and  this 
is  all  my  salvation,  and   all  my  desire, — yes,  all  my  desire.'''' 

Writing  to  an  intimate  friend,  whose  mind  was  harrassed  by 
some  perplexing  doubts  and  fears  with  regard  to  spiritual  sub- 
jects, she  says : — 

"  Ah,  to  be  a  simple,  child-like  believer,  is  a  noble,  happy 
aim!  I  see  for  myself  how  those  grow  in  grace,  and  become 
established  in  faith,  who  are  as  little  children,  taking  in  what- 
ever truth  they  are  taught,  without  hesitation,  unbelief  or  dis- 
putation. Upon  this  subject  Mr.  S.  conversed  with  me  the 
other  day  most  delightfully.  He  was  speaking  of  the  advan- 
tao-e  of  bein*'-  strono-  in  faith.  I  remarked,  But  some  are  weak, 
and  are  apt  to  say,  This  and  that  promise  is  not  for  me : — 
(very  much  vour  own  words.)  With  a  wonderful  animation 
he  replied,  '  Who  are  the  promises  for?  Such  a  thought  should 
never  enter  into  the  mind  of  any  one  who  is  seeking  God. 
What  is  our  claim  to  them?  emptiness, — poverty, — misery, — 
impotency ;  but  we  w^ant  to  take  something  in  our  hand.  Evi- 
dences are  essential  in  their  place :  but  we  must  not  try  to  fill 
our  hand  with  them,  or  with  any  other  qualification,  when  we 
go  to  mercy's  door, — mercy,  free  and  sovereign  mercy, — is 
our  only  plea;  and  Christ  our  only  hope.     Many  persons  puz- 


CHAP.  ix.--FR03r  A.  D.  1828  TO  1832.  335 

zle  themselves  greatly  about  faith,  and  many  other  points,  to 
their  hurt,  discomfort,  and  sad  hindrance  ;  when,  if  they  would 
take  the  Scriptures  as  they  are  given,  to  him  who  has  given 
them,  and  plead  the  promises,  they  would  have  spiritual  health 
and  comfort.  Faith  is  the  gift  of  God,  and  we  must  look  to 
him  for  it  every  moment,  and  not  expect  to  draw  it  up  out  of 
any  well  of  our  own.'  1  asked  him,  How  are  creatures  that 
are  ever  failing,  and  coming  short  of  all  they  desire,  and  ought 
to  be,  to  know  if  they  are  sincere?  Ke  replied,  *From  con- 
sciousness, by  which  they  know  in  other  matters  their  integ- 
rity." 1  again  asked,  How,  with  such  a  cold  heart  as  mine, 
shall  I  know  that  I  love  God  ?  Mr.  S.  replied,  '  I  never  in  all 
my  life  sat  down  to  ask  myself  if  I  loved  my  wife  and  children, 
or  set  myself  to  find  out  marks  to  prove  it.' 

"  Now,  my  dearest ,  this  is  what  you  want;  even  to  do 

constantly,  what  you  feel  enabled  sometimes  to  do, — to  hide 
yourself  in  Christ.  And  when  you  are  troubled  with  accusa- 
tions, either  from  within  or  without — allow  that  they  are  all 
true,  more  and  more  in  addition,  blacker  and  yet  more  black, 
— and  then  go,  like  Mary,  and  wash  the  Saviour's  feet  with 
your  tears;  there  waiting  till  he  shall  say,  'Thy  faith  hath 
saved  thee  ;  go  in  peace.'  Pray  for  a  full  measure  of  the  spirit 
of  adoption.  '  We  have  not  received  the  spirit  of  bondage, 
again  to  fear.'  Legal,  slavish  fear,  is  a  state  of  torment;  it 
will  cleave  to  us  as  long  as  self  has  any  prevalence.  I  can 
truly  say,  that  whenever  my  thoughts  turn  upon  any  thing  like 
self-complacency  in  spirituals, — which  is  too  often, — I  want  to 
spit  it  out,  as  I  should  a  nasty  taste  out  of  my  mouth.  No,  no, 
'  poor,  and  blind,  and  miserable,  and  naked,'  we  must  be  con- 
tent, (yea  pleased,)  to  be  in  our  own  eyes,  and  in  the  eyes  of 
others  ;  and  then  we  shall  know  what  that  means,  '  Buy  of  me 
gold  tried  in  the  fire.' 

"  Let  your  mind  and  thoughts,  my  dear,  be  more  occupied 
with  the  Scriptures.  I  find  nothing  so  ennobling, — so  enlarg- 
ing,— so  elevating,  and  purifying.  When  we  read  the  word, 
looking  only  to  be  taught  by  the  Spirit,  we  receive  not  only 
the  opening  of  the  understanding,  but,  at  the  same  time,  all  the 
graces  of  the  Spirit  richly  poured  out  upon  the  searcher  after 
spiritual  knowledge;  for  he  loves  to  be  munificent." 

This  year  furnishes  but  one  more  letter,  addressed  to  Miss 
C.  Milward,  while  at  Malvern,  from  which  the  following  is  an 
extract : — 

"The  beautiful  scenery  you  describe — the  fine  pure  air  you 


336  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

breathe — the  simple  country  rambles  you  take — the  favoured 
exemption  from  worldly  and  gay  society — the  unrestrained 
freedom  of  pursuing,  in  the  way  that  is  right,  all  your  designs 
— does  surely  comprise  real,  and  rational  pleasure.  Yet  it 
would  not  fully  answer  the  name  of  Christian  happiness  and 
enjoyment,  were  not  all  these  pleasures  combined  and  sweet- 
ened by  more  sacred  and  divine  sources  of  delight.  After  the 
feasting  of  the  outward  senses,  and  the  rational  and  intellectual 
faculties  of  the  mind, — the  highest,  sweetest,  and  most  sublime 
enjoyment  we  can  taste  on  earth,  is,  to  retire  to  the  secret 
chamber,  and  shut  our  doors  upon  us,  and  in  prayer  and  read- 
ing the  sacred  Scriptures,  hold  communion  with  the  holy  and 
blessed  Trinity, — Father,  Son,  and  Holy  Spirit, — one  God; 
unseen,  yet  ever  present  to  the  eye  of  faith.  This  is  a  taste 
of  heaven  below;  and  next  to  this  amazing  favour,  granted  to 
poor  sinful  worms  through  the  free  grace  of  the  everlasting 
covenant,  comes  the  true  and  sweet  pleasure  of  free  intercourse 
with  a  Christian  friend, — well-informed,  well-aulhenticaied  in 
character,  and  spiritual  endowment — such  as,  by  your  descrip- 
tion, you  now  have  in  your  minister,  Mr. ." 

The  frequent  and  particular  manner  in  which  Mrs.  Hawkes 
mentions  the  persons  of  the  Holy  Trinity,  may  be  worthy  of 
notice.  She  w^as  not  accustomed  to  use  "  words  of  course"  in 
speaking  on  religious  subjects  ;  her  phraseology  was  expres- 
sive of  ideas  connected  with  her  Christian  experience.  She 
had  enlarged  and  scriptural  views  of  the  different  offices  sus- 
tained by  the  several  persons  of  the  Holy  Trinity,  in  the  work 
of  redemption.  And  as  she  received,  by  degrees,  more  and 
more  of  the  true  spirit  of  adoption,  she  was  led  with  adoring 
gratitude,  and  humble  reverence,  to  hold  communion  with  a 
Triune  God ;  and  could  say  with  the  apostle,  "  Truly  our  fel- 
lowship is  with  the  Father,  and  with  his  Son  Jesus  Christ." 
1  John  i.  3.  That  fellowship  with  the  saints,  and  the  excel- 
lent of  the  earth,  in  which,  with  David,  she  had  always  taken 
so  great  delight, — was  now  becoming,  through  her  growing 
weakness,  much  interrupted.  But  her  necessarily  increased 
solitude  became  a  means,  whereby  she  was  more  especially 
enabled  to  enter  into  those  high  privileges  of  the  godly,  men- 
tioned in  Isaiah  xxxiii.  "He  shall  dwell  on  high  ;  thine  eyes 
shall  see  the  King  in  his  beauty : "  and  thus  she  found  a  place 
of  defence,  which  was  to  her  as  *•  the  munitions  of  rocks."  To 
such  experience  the  next  memorandum  relers  : — 

Cross  Street,  Oct.  13, 1829. — "Still  another  unexpected  an- 


CHAP.  IX.— FROM  A.  D.  1828  TO  1832.        337 

niversary  of  my  birth-day  !  The  verse  of  Scripture  in  my 
text-book  this  morning,  is  most  delightful,  Psalm  xxxi.  20. 
*Thou  shalt  hide  them  in  the  secret  of  thy  presence.'  Has  not 
this  blessed  favour  been  vouchsafed  to  me  through  every  suc- 
ceeding year  of  my  whole  life, — and  strikingly  through  the 
last  ?  None  but  my  sinful,  v/retched,  helpless,  afflicted,  un- 
worthy self, — and  a  forbearing,  compassionate,  covenant-keep- 
ing God,  can  ever  know  what  a  monument  of  mercy  and  long- 
suffering  I  consider  myself  to  be  !  1  stand  amazed  and,  I 
hope,  abased  and  humbled  to  the  dust,  on  the  retrospect  of 
every  passing  year;  and  more  particularly  on  the  year  since 
my  spiritual  birth,  and  long  and  varied  afflictions.  1  can  truly 
say,  '  The  remembrance  of  my  sins  is  grievous  unto  me,  and 
the  burden  (but  for  hope  in  Christ)  intolerable.'  When  I  en- 
deavour to  review  the  Lord  Jehovah's  gracious,  long-suffering, 
and  merciful  dealings  with  me,  overwhelming  recollections  so 
crowd  on  my  mind,  that  every  attempt  to  record  them  is  im- 
practicable. By  the  help  of  the  Divine  Remembrancer,  they 
shall  all  be  mentioned,  over  and  over,  in  penitential  tears,  con- 
fessions, supplications,  and  thanksgiving, — in  deepest  prostra- 
tion of  soul,  at  the  foot  of  the  blessed  cross  ;  whereat,  when  the 
Holy  Spirit  melts  my  wretched  heart,  I  alone  taste  of  true, 
substantial  happiness ;  and  raise  my  feeble,  unworthy, — but 
sweetest — hallelujahs ! 

*'  I  do  hope,  and  trust,  that  through  the  eternal  Spirit's  help 
and  teaching,  and  by  means  of  the  blessed  word,  the  sacred 
entrance  of  which  giveth  wisdom  unto  the  simple — and  by  the 
sanctification  of  all  my  afflictions — I  do  hope,  that  I  am  enter- 
ing another  year  of  my  life,  with  some  more  reality  of  self- 
abhorrence,  and  self-renunciation  ;  and  with  more  simple 
clinging  unto  Christ,  and  dependence  upon  Him,  as  my  only 
hope  and  refuge;  with  mournings  over  the  sins  and  failings  of 
the  last  year;  with  more  lively  gratitude  for  my  innumerable 
mercies  ;  and  with  a  warm  and  sincere  desire,  that  my  few  re- 
maining painful  days  may  be  filled  with  His  praise,  who  fol- 
lows me  with  loving-kindness  and  tender  mercies.  May  my 
converse  with  Christian  friends,  praise  Him  ;  May  my  solitary 
times,  praise  Him  !  May  my  pain  and  weakness,  through  the 
power  of  Christ  resting  upon  me,  praise  Him  !  And  in  death, 
may  I,  most  of  all, — praise  Him  I     Amen." 

At  the  opening  of  the  year  1830,  Mrs.  Hawkes  writes  to  her 
nephew,  Mr.  E.  T.  Jones,  as  follows : — 

"  I  have  felt  much  regret  that  I  have  not  been  able  to  write 
29 


338  3IEM0IRS  OF  3IRS.  HAWKES. 

to  my  dear  nephew  long  before  this.  But  truly  my  inability, 
and  numerous  infirmities,  render  it  the  most  difficult  thing  pos- 
sible for  me  to  get  a  letter  written — which  I  lament.  Sure  I 
am,  that  if  my  friends  were  only  to  witness  all  that  I  have  to 
undergo  every  succeeding  day,  their  only  wonder  would  be, 
that  any  sort  of  exertion  could  be  attempted  by  so  burdened  a 
creature.  There  is  however  One,  blessed  be  His  name!  who 
knou's  minutely  our  whole  case,  whether  it  respects  body  or 
soul.  Oh  !  for  a  heart  to  comprehend  His  infinite  love  and 
compassion  !  While  we  see,  and  feel,  our  continual  sinfulness, 
our  innumerable  corruptions,  our  want  of  faith,  love,  and  re- 
signation to  Flis  holy  will,  our  carnality  of  mind, — in  short, 
our  poverty,  and  want  of  every  grace  which  should  be  found 
flourishing  in  our  souls, — He  that  so  loved  us  as  to  give  Him- 
self for  us,  sees  infinitely  worse  in  us  than  we  do  in  ourselves. 
Yet  He  loves,  and  pities,  and  forgives,  and  heals  ; — for  why  ? 
for  His  own  name's  sake :  because  it  hath  pleased  him,  whose 
sovereign  prerogative  it  is  to  will  and  to  do  according  to  his 
own  good  pleasure,  to  translate  us  out  of  Satan's  kingdom,  and 
to  set  his  love  upon  us,  which  changeth  not;  to  make  such  an 
atonement,  and  to  work  such  a  righteousness,  as  shall  expiate 
and  cover  all  our  sins  ;  and  also  to  give  his  sanctifying  Spirit, 
that  we  may  be  formed  into  His  likeness,  (who  is^)  the  glory 
of  the  blessed,  Three-one  Lord,  Jehovah  !  Is  He  not  justly 
named,  '  Wonderful,  Counsellor,  The  Mighty  God,  the  Ever- 
lasting Father,  The  Prince  of  Peace.' 

"  While  I  continually  ask  myself^  allow  me  my  dear  nephew, 
to  ask  you, — what  is  our  growing  knowledge,  our  increasing 
faith,  love  and  holy  conformity  to  this  glorious  One?  Is  He 
our  Beloved  above  all  others'/  Do  we  seek  and  delight  to 
walk  and  talk  with  him  ?  and  to  keep  so  very  close  to  Him,  that 
no  earthly  object  may  force,  or  slide  in,  to  draw  our  hearts 
away  from  communion  with  Him?  Do  we  find  that  we  are 
able  to  exalt  Him  more, — to  bring  forth  fruit  to  his  praise, — 
and  to  bring  others  to  the  savino;  kno\vled2;e  of  Plim,  whom  to 
know  is  life  eternal?  For  myself,  I  find  it  a  stimulus,  (as  I 
am  sure  I  do  an  occasion  of  great  humiliation,)  to  make  these 
self  enquiries  in  the  presence  of  Him  who  knowelh  us  better 
than  we  can  ever  know  ourselves.     Surely  no  enquiry  can  be 


1  These  words  seem  to  have  been  accidentaUij  omitted  ;  but  if  not,  the 
sense  may  still  be  correct, — as  will  appear  by  comparing  the  following 
passages— Gen.  i.  27.  Ex.  xxviii.  36.  Isa.  xlvi.  13.  Ps.  xlv.  13.  Rom. 
viii.  39,  compared  with  Heb.  i.  3.     1  John  iii.  2.     Rev.  xxi,  11.— Eu. 


CHAP.  IX.— FROM  A.  D.  1628  TO  1832.        339 

lYiore  suitable,  and  important  at  the  beginning  of  a  new  year. 
May  the  blessed  Spirit  help  my  beloved  nephew,  and  me  his 
aged  and  unworthy  aunt,  to  open  the  inmost  recesses  of  our 
hearts  to  receive  that  light  which  maketh  mcinifest !  that  we 
may  discover  what  is  wanting  in  ourselves,  and  see  still  more  of 
that  matchless  Saviour,  out  of  whose  fulness  all  our  wants  are 
freely  supplied. 

"  But  it  is  lime  to  check  my  pen  :  after  first  assuring  you  of 
my  truly  affectionate  and  thankful  sense  of  your  kind  care, 
and  remembrance  of  your  aged  aunt, — not  only  worn  and 
pressed  down  by  disease  and  infirmities — but,  old  age  has 
come  upon  me,  having  entered  into  the  seventy-first  year  of 
my  earthly  pilgrimage!  Hence,  f^-om  a  double  cause,  the 
springs  of  life  are  dried  up,  and  heart  and  fiesh  faileth ;  and 
were  it  not  that  infinite  mercy  enables  me  to  say,  'But  God 
is  the  strength  of  my  heart,  and  my  portion  for  ever,'  I  should 
indeed  utterly  faint  and  be  dismayed.  Oh  !  for  a  thousand 
tongues  to  praise  the  Saviour's  love,  who  hath  said,  and  still 
makes  His  promise  good.  '  1  will  never  leave  thee,  nor  for- 
sake thee.'  «  He  giveth  power  to  the  faint,  and  to  them  that 
have  no  might  he  increaseth  strength.  Fie  gives  me  abundant 
cause  to  praise  and  trust  Him  for  mercies,  temporal,  as  well 
as  spiritual. 

*'  Ever  yours,  "  S.  H." 

Under  the  same  pressing  sense  of  infirmity,  she  writes  about 
this  time,  to  a  friend  of  her  early  years  as  follows : — 

"  The  days  are  come  upon  me  when  the  «  grasshopper  is  a 
burden  ;'  and  when  I  am  ready  to  say,  even  to  those  beloved 
friends  in  whose  kind  visits,  and  Christian  converse,  I  have  had 
so  much  delight, — and  whom  I  ever  do  love, — 'Cease  then, 
and  let  me  alone  !'  Some  days  for  an  hour  or  so,  I  seem  to 
revive,  and  make  an  attempt  to  rally  my  enfeebled  powers; 
but  I  soon  fail,  and  am  forced  to  yield  to  a  state  of  debility 
of  which  I  can  give  no  idea ;  any  more  than  I  can  of  the  dis- 
ease, oppressive  weight,  and  restlessness  of  my  body.  Yet, 
as  usual,  very  little  of  all  this  suffering  is  perceived  by  any 
who  are  not  with   me  night  and   day.^     I  find   this  state  of 


I  This  remark  was  surprisingly  true,  and  will  appear  very  astonishing, 
when  the  whole  nature  of  her  complaints  is  made  known — as  also  is  the 
next  clause,  respecting  the  unimpaired  vigour  of  her  mental  faculties. — 
El). 


340  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

extreme  exhaustion  very  trying,  and  unhinging  to  my  mind, 
which  through  mercy  is  yet  vigorous,  and  longs  to  be  on  the 
wing,  while  its  heavy  companion  bears  it  doMn.  What 
a  mercy  that  the  load  is  on  the  body,  and  not  on  the  soul! 
What  a  favour  that  I  can  say,  though  my  natural  strength  be 
departed,  '  the  Lord  is  not  departed  from  me ;  He  is  my  strength, 
and  my  song,  and  my  portion  for  ever.' 

"I  wish  I  could  tell  you  of  the  kind  and  gracious  leadings,  and 
upholding  of  his  merciful  hand  ;  what  are  the  teachings  of  his 
blessed  Spirit,  in  all  I  have  been  passing  through,  since  you 
and  I  saw  each  other  face  to  face.  I  should  love  to  hear  all 
the  way  that  you  also  have  been  led,  since  that  time ;  which  I 
trust,  might  be  profitable  to  us,  and  lead  us  to  offer  our  mutual 
praises  to  the  God  and  Father  of  all  our  mercies.  But  probably 
we  must  wait  until  we  meet  in  heaven  to  tell  of  the  wonders 
of  His  love,  and  give  Him  glory. 

"  I  have  experienced  deep  trial  from  within  and  without ; 
so  that  I  have  said,  '  The  Lord  is  leading  me  now  in  a  way 
that  I  know  not ;  and  my  faith  is  called  to  fight  battles,  new 
and  strange,  with  a  host  of  spiritual  enemies,  (as  well  as  out- 
ward trials)  that  gather  together  against  me.  But  well  am  I 
assured,  that  the  design  and  end  of  every  dispensation  is  one 
and  the  same,  namely,  that  our  heavenly  Father  will,  by  these 
things  form  us  for  Himself.  I  never  had  a  more  solemn  and 
deep  sense  of  what  is  our  high  calling  in  Christ  Jesus  than  1 
have  now:  or  of  what  is  meant  by  being  a  Christian  indeed 
— having  our  '  life  hidden  with  Christ  in  God' — and  daily 
showing  forth  the  fruits  thereof  to  His  praise.  Nor  did  I 
ever  feel  a  deeper  humiliation  that  I  am  yet  so  much  wanting, 
and  am  so  weak  in  thus  living  by  faith  in  the  Son  of  God.  I 
believe  that  as  we  draw  nearer  to  eternity,  our  views  of  our- 
selves, and  of  God,  will  lead  to  such  discoveries,  through  the 
enlightenings  of  the  blessed  Spirit  and  the  Scriptures,  as  will 
lead  us,  like  Job,  to  put  our  mouth  to  the  very  dust,  and  cry, 
'Behold  I  am  vile;'  and  will  also  promote  such  an  establish- 
ment in  faith,  such  dependence  on  Jesus  Christ,  and  on  his 
new  and  everlasting  covenant, — as  shall  enable  us  to  say, 
'  Though  he  slay  me,  yet  will  I  trust  in  Him.'  To  be  emp- 
tied of  self,  and  to  live  and  abide  in  Christ,  and  be  found  in 
Him,  is  a  divine  work, — wrought  in  us  by  various  means, 
through  the  sanctification  of  the  Spirit.  I  do  hope  that  I  am 
taught,  through  grace,  to  know  something  more  of  the  hidden 
life ;  and  to  leel  that  the  life  to  which  we  are  called,  consists 
in  turning  quite  away  from  self-choosing,  self-trusting,  and  in- 


CHAP.  IX.— FROM  A.  D.  1828  TO  1832.  341 

deed  from  self,  and  created  things,  both  good  and  bad  : — and 
that  we  are  under  gracious  training,  by  that  discipline  which 
our  great  Sanctitier  sees  needful,  in  order  to  bring  us  to  live, 
and  move,  and  have  our  being  in  Christ,  our  living  head. — 
Blessed  be  His  name,  that  he  doth  give  me  to  taste  much 
sweetness  in  all  my  affliction  ;  and  to  see,  that  to  depend  sim- 
ply on  the  blessed  promises  of  a  faithful  covenant-keeping  God, 
is  my  only  way  of  obtaining  peace,  comfort,  and  stability.  In 
this  way  of  wholesome  discipline,  has  the  Lord  been  graciously 
training  yoii^  my  dear  for  many  years,  as  well  as  your  un- 
worthy old  friend  ;  and  by  the  new  disappointments,  and  more 
clouded  prospects  which  you  mention,  the  great  and  good  Hus- 
bandman of  your  soul  is  still  further  pruning,  and  purging 
away,  what  may  hinder  your  bearing  more  fruit, — and  also 
perfecting  what  is  lacking  in  your  laith  and  love.  Hear  the 
Saviour  speaking  to  you,  as  though  with  your  outward  eyes 
and  ears  you  saw  Him,  and  heard  him  saying,  '  Fear  none  of 
these  things  ;  only  believe  :  said  1  not  unto  thee,  that  if  thou 
wouldst  believe,  thou  shouldst  see  the  glory  of  God.'  The 
precious  promises,  when  through  the  help  of  the  Holy  Spirit 
ihey  are  presented  to  a  lively  and  simple  faith,  bring  Christ 
so  near  to  us,  and  us  so  near  to  Him,  in  that  sv/eet  relation- 
ship to,  and  communion  with  Him  as  Man  as  well  as  God, — 
as  One  made  like  unto  us, — '  tempted  in  all  points  as  we  are, 
yet  without  sin,' — and  that  can  be  '  touched  with  our  infirmi- 
ties,'— that  we  arc  enabled  to  realize,  more  and  more,  his  love 
and  pity;  and  his  being  always  present  to  help  and  lead  ns  : 
not  always  sensibly,  but  always  really  present.  Faith  in 
Christ,  faith  in  the  Scriptures,  faith  which  is  the  gift  of  God,  is 
that  which  works  wonders,  and  quiets  our  fears, — both  under  in- 
ward or  outward  troubles.  All  this  my  dear  friend  already  well 
knows  ;  but  neither  of  us  know  it  in  that  fulness,  that  rich  ful- 
ness, in  which  the  Lord  is  ready  to  impart  it  to  us.  And  we  need 
to  be  stirred  up,  and  encouraged,  to  look  to  Jesus  the  Author 
and  Finisher  of  our  faith  that  we  do  not  faint  in  the  day  of 
adversity  ;  and  that  the  wear  and  tear  of  life  do  not  (if  I  may  so 
say)  wear  away  the  life  of  faith  in  our  souls,  and  prevent  a 
close  walking  with  God  in  the  Spirit  of  adoption, — and  not  in 
the  spirit  of  bondage  and  slavish  fear.  May  we  enter  more 
and  more  into  that  liberty  of  the  children  of  God,  by  which  as 
little  children,  we  run  with  every  sorrow,  fear  and  complaint, 
in  an  unreserved  confidence  to  our  Father  whose  love  is  un- 
bounded, and  whose  compassion  failelh  not." 

That  "  turning   quite  away  from  self,  and   from   created 
29* 


342  JIEMOIRS  OF  3IRS.  HAWKE3. 

things,  both  good  and  bad,"  to  which  J\Irs.  Havvkes  so  fre^ 
quently  (and  particularly  in  the  foregoing  letter)  refers, — and 
that  entire  resignation  to  God  which  springs  from  true  filial 
love  to  Him, — are  graces  which  the  most  eminent  saints  have 
ever  found  of  difficult  attainment.  The  truly  pious  Mr.  Ber- 
ridge  says,  in  a  letter  written  to  Mrs.  Wilberforce  when  she 
was  in  dying  circumstances: — 

'  Live  as  near  to  Jesus  as  you  possibly  can  ;  but  die,  die  to 
self^  '  Tis  a  daily  work, — 'tis  a  hard  work.  I  find  self  to 
be  like  an  insurmountable  mountain,  or  a  perpendicular  rock, 
that  must  be  overcome: — I  have  not  got  over  it,  not  half-way 
over!  This,  this,  is  my  greatest  trial!  Self  is  like  a  moun- 
tain ;  Jesus  is  a  sun  that  shines  on  the  other  side  the  moun- 
tain, and  now  and  then  a  sun-beam  comes  over  the  top;  we 
get  a  glimpse,  a  sort  of  twilight  apprehension  of  the  brightness 
of  the  sun;  but  self  musi  be  much  more  subdued  in  me,  before 
I  can  bask  in  the  sunbeams  of  the  ever  blessed  Jesus,  or  say  in 
every  thing,  '  Thy  will  be  done." 

The  Rev.  Joseph  Milner,  writing  to  the  Rev.  Dr.  PJilner  on 
the  grace  of  resignation,  calls  it  "  one  of  the  last  and  highest 
attainments  of  the  Christian  life:"  he  says,  "  Though  it  is  not 
easy  to  confine  by  rule  the  order  of  the  Spirit's  operations,  yet 
this  seems  the  general  order  of  the  Christian  virtues, — viz.  re- 
pentance, faith,  love,  and  resignation.  In  Christ  himself,  re- 
signation was  perfect; — '  not  my  w^ll  but  thine  be  done;' — 
and  as  far  as  we  can  trust  Him  for  grace,  so  far  we  receive 
grace  out  of  his  fulness.  Among  men,  St.  Paul  seems  the 
completest  pattern  of  resignation.  What  a  tremendous  view 
of  his  suflJerings  is  that  in  the  latter  part  of  2  Cor.  xi. !  But 
how  practical  did  the  love  of  God  make  every  thing  to  him  \ 
In  Phil.  iv.  11 — 13  he  tells  us,  he  had  learned  to  be  content  in 
any  state,  and  that  he  could  do  all  things  through  Christ  which 
strengthened  him  :  and  the  original  word  for,  '  had  learned^'' 
alluding  to  the  pagan  mysteries,  shows  that  the  learning  was 
of  a  mysterious  nature." 

In  the  following  letter  to  Mrs.  C tt,  dated  March  1830, 

Mrs.  Hawkes  refers  to  another  acute  visitation  of  sickness. 
The  various  impediments  under  which  she  called  herself  up  to 
write,  may  be  inferred  from  the  description  of  painful  feelings, 
with  which,  by  way  of  apology  to  her  friends  for  apparent  re- 
missness, she  frequently  begins  her  letters  : — 

"  I  cannot  number  how  many  times  I  have  said, — I  will  not 


CHAP.  IX. FROM  A.  D.  1828  TO  1832.       343 

if  possible  let  another  day  pass  without  writing  to  my  beloved 
friend  !  And  when  1  reflect  on  how  many  beyond  what  I  can 
number  have  passed,  I  am  truly  grieved,  and  can  only  console 
myself  in  the  heartfelt  consciousness,  that  my  affection  and 
interest  is  undiminished ,  and  that  my  ceasing  to  write  is  my 
own  loss,  which  must  be  classed  among  other  privations  that 
old  age  and  long  disease,  with  increasing  infirmities,  bring 
upon  me,  and  which  are  among  the  afflictions  and  trials  com- 
mon to  man.  I  seem  now  as  if  I  were  writing  almost  out  of" 
the  tomb,  to  which  I  have  been  nigh  many  times  since  1  last 
had  the  pleasure  of  communicating  with  my  dear  friend.  It 
is  not  long  since  1  had  reason  to  say,  'this  sickness  is  surely 
unto  death' — for  it  was  of  a  very  serious  nature.  I  felt  as 
though  all  was  ready,  and  waiting,  that  should  prove  my  safe 
and  happy  convoy  over  death's  cold  flood,  into  that  city,  the 
glory  of  which  seemed  to  dawn  upon  me.  But  the  time  was 
not  come,  and  my  prayer  is,  (and  let  it  be  your's  on  my  be- 
half,) that  this,  and  every  fresh  visitation  may  be  to  the  glory 
of  God,  and  a  more  full  preparation  for  heaven.  To  live  to 
the  glory  of  God,  embraces  all  that  His  holy  word  enjoins,  as 
respects  our  duty  tov/ards  Him,  ourselves,  and  our  fellow  crea- 
tures ;  and  therefore  renders  every  successive  day,  yea  hour, 
and  every  circumstance,  whether  of  suflering,  or  labour,  or 
trial, — most  important;  for  in  every  dispensation,  common  or 
extraordinary,  Ho  that  teaches  us  to  profit,  and  who  in  all 
things,  designs  our  profit, — has  some  gracious  lesson  to  im- 
print upon  our  hearts.  Sweet,  is  it  not,  when  we  are  enabled 
to  prostrate  our  souls  at  the  foot  of  the  sacred  cross,  receiving 
whatever  is  sent  as  a  token  of  the  Saviour's  bleeding  love,  and 
with  most  earnest  prayer,  that  like  diligent  and  wise  pupils, 
we  may  let  nothing  escape  that  our  gracious  Teacher  means 
for  our  holy  improvement. 

"  I  must  pass  over  the  detail  of  the  many  deep  wafers  that, 
through  the  year  1828,  with  the  exception  of  the  latter  part, 
seemed  ready  to  overwhelm  me.  They  arose  both  from  trials 
within  and  without,  and  were  of  such  a  nature,  that  my  con- 
stant cry  wa53,  '  Lord,  thou  art  leading  me  by  a  way  that  I 
know  not!  Oh  cast  me  not  off  in  old  age;  Ibrsake  me  not 
when  my  strength  faileth.'  Nor  did  He  forget  or  forsake  his 
sinful  worm, — but  held  me  fist  with  His  arm  of  salvation, — 
sealed  the  divine  promises  of  His  word  more  deeply  on  my 
heart, — and  enabled  me  through  all  to  say,  'Thou  which  hast 
shewed  me  great  and  sore  troubles,  shalt  quicken  me  again, 
and  shalt  bring  me  again  from  the  depths  of  the  earth.'    Praised 


344  3IE?rr0IRS  OF  mrs.  hawkes. 

be  His  name  for  ever,  who  has  brought  me  out  of  these  deep 
waters,  not  only  with  safety,  but,  I  trust,  through  grace,  with 
much  gain  !  having  brought  me  to  great  self-loathing,  and  a 
more  simple  and  entire  hiding  myself  in  Christ,  our  only  sure 
refu2;e.  But  I  have  yet  many  painful  waves  to  encounter,  and 
my  faith  is  at  times  very  feeble.  1  am  still  in  an  enemy's 
country,  and  in  a  body  of  sin  and  death.  Yet  we  know  who 
is  able  to  make  us  '  more  than  conquerors,'  preserved  through 
almighty  power.  '  Thanks  be  to  God  who  giveth  us  the  vic- 
tory,' I  think  my  warfare  is  almost  over.  No  wonder  if  after 
such  lengthened  suffering  I  find,  in  advancing  age,  my  consti- 
tution sinking,  and  my  strength  departing.  1  am  now  almost 
tvoo  feeble  to  call  myself  up  to  any  exertion.  Every  thing  ex- 
hausts and  wearies  me,  however  pleasant  and  desirable.  A 
very  little  company  is  too  much  for  me ;  and  though  from 
exckement,  and  the  love  of  seeing  dear  Christian  friends,  the 
failing  lamp  lights  up  for  a  time,  and  cursory  observers  see  no 
great  signs  that  it  is  near  expiring, — yet  I  sink  lower  after- 
wards, and  but  slowly  recover.  1  am,  however,  very  thank- 
ful for  what  little  strength  is  left.  May  all  1  have,  and  am, 
(which  all  cometh  of  sovereign  grace  and  love,)  be  devoted  to 
His  service  and  praise  ! 

*'I  am  now  compelled  to  say  farewell, — even  while  my 
heart  continues  to  commune  with  you.  May  the  everlasting 
arms  of  our  Heavenly  Shepherd  be  underneath,  and  round 
about  you  1  And  the  shinings  of  his  face  ever  beam  upon 
you, — scattering;  every  cloud  that  may  arise  to  obscure  your 
longing  and  believing  sight  of  his  glory  !" 

The   following  letter,  written  May,  1830,  to  Mrs.  Y , 

contains  several  points  of  interest.  In  the  manner  of  opening, 
we  may  mark  the  advanced  Christian,  meditating  on  the  sta- 
bility of  the  everlasting  covenant,  and  rejoicing  in  its  privileges 
and' security.  The  congratulations  which  are  then  offered, 
will  be  encouraging  to  those,  who,  in  obedience  to  the  leadings 
of  Providence,  have  left  their  most  loved  and  valued  spiritual 
privileges.  The  Isle  of  Wight,  which  from  its  beauty  has  been 
termed"  "  the  garden  of  England,"  might,  from  its  want  of 
Gospel  light  at  the  time  when  the  friend  to  whom  the  letter  is 
addressed  was  called  to  settle  there,  have  been  more  properly 
called  "  the  land  of  darkness."  That  it  is  now  become  as 
"  The  garden  of  the  Lord,"  must  be  to  every  true  christian  a 
subject  of  joy  and  thankfulness. 

Mrs.  Hawkes  next  refers  to  the  loss  of  one  of  her  oldest  and 


CHAP.  IX FROM  A.  D.  1828  TO  1832.      345 

dearest  friends,  who  had  stepped  into  eternity  before  her. 
The  tender  reflections  this  event  occasioned,  prove  that  old  age 
had  not  impaired  either  the  strength  or  delicacy  of  her  grateful 
and  affectionate  friendship.  The  letter,  at  its  conclusion, 
touches  upon  the  high  and  holy  calling  of  a  Christian  minister; 
and  contains  the  further  testimony  of  this  aged  saint  against 
*'  new  speculations,  and  subtle,  novel  notions,"  in  the  church. 
After  allusion  to  her  increasing  infirmities,  Mrs.  Havvkes  goes 
on  to  say  : — 

*'  Yet  the  Lord  is  very  gracious  to  me,  and  with  thankful- 
ness and  praise  I  can,  and  would  answer,  '  it  is  well.'  By 
faith  I  endeavour  continually  to  traverse  over  and  over,  the 
blessed,  new,  and  everlasting  covenant,  '  which  is  all  my  sal- 
vation and  all  my  desire ; '  and  therein  I  am  enabled  to  view 
all  things  well  ordered  and  sure,  to  such  as  are  the  children  of 
grace,  called  with  an  effectual  calling,  in  Christ  Jesus.  I  have, 
however,  great  reason  to  be  humbled,  and  ashamed,  that  I  do 
not  endure  some  of  the  'all  things'  ordered  for  me  therein, 
with  the  full  and  entire  acquiescence  to  the  divine  will  which  I 
desire.  Oh,  to  feel  '  the  will  of  God  a  soft  pillow  ! '  as  a 
Christian  ^  friend  once  told  me  she  did.  This  would  truly 
bring  a  peace  into  the  soul  that  passeth  all  understanding  ;  and 
make  all  sufferings  and  trials  comparatively  light  and  easy. 
To  be  favoured,  through  grace,  with  any  taste  of  so  great  a 
blessing,  demands  perpetual  praise ;  while  it  also  proves  a  stimu- 
lus to  seek  after  further  attainments. 

"  How  wonderful  and  gracious  has  been  your  dispensation, 
my  dear  madam !  The  place  to  which  you  went  with  reluctance, 
thinking  you  were  taking  leave  of  all  your  ♦  pleasant  things,' 
now  proves  to  be  the  '  land  of  Goshen.'  May  the  continual  in- 
fluences of  the  Holy  Ghost  cause  you  to  feed  and  grow  thereby  ! 
for  therefore  are  such  favours  given  unto  you.  The  ministry 
of  that  holy  and  invaluable  servant  of  Christ,  Mr.  S — ,  is  such 
a  talent  committed  to  his  hearers  for  diligent  improvement,  as 
few  are  favoured  with.  You,  dear  madam,  and  your  christian 
friends,  will  have  need  to  keep  it  in  your  remembrance  that 
the  sacred  treasure  is  in  an  earthen  vessel,  and  that  its  sweet- 
ness and  profitableness  will  be  imparted  to  you  by  much 
prayer  for  him,  and  for  yourselves.     1  think  with  real  delight 

of  your,  and  dear  Mrs.  B 's  joy  on  the  present  occasion  ; 

but  1  must  not  envy  you.     Mr.  S condescends  to  favour 

1  Mrs.  Fletcher,  of  Madeley,  see  page  88. 


346  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

me  with  kind,  important,  and  undeserved  marks  of  real  chris- 
tian friendship.  Dearly  do  1  love  to  hear  him  converse,  or 
preach — which  now  I  fear  will  seldom  be  my  privilege  :  but 
he  is  always  engaged  in  the  work  of  the  Lord,  who  will  as- 
suredly bless  and  prosper  him  therein,  according  to  the  good 
pleasure  of  his  will,  and  according  to  his  promise. 

"  My  feelings  are  at  this  time  very  sorrowful,  on  account  of 
the  death  of  my  old  and  dear  friend,  Mrs.  Cecil — on  Saturday 
last !  A  thousand  and  a  thousand  tender  and  grateful  recol- 
lections and  associations  are  awakened  in  my  mind,  of  my 
favoured  sojourning  with  her,  and  my  ever-revered  Mr.  Cecil, 
— who  were,  indeed,  truly  and  essentially,  a  father  and  a 
mother  to  me,  in  seasons  of  deep  affliction.  How  docs  my 
heart  long  that  it  were  in  my  power  to  return  their  kindness  to 
their  dear  bereaved  daughters!  All  lean  do  is  to  pray  for 
them  ;  which  1  hope  you,  my  dear  madam,  and  Mrs.  B — ,  and 
all  their  christian  friends  will  also  do.  Mrs.  Cecil's  departure 
was  preceded  by  such  an  entire  sinking  of  her  constitution, 
and  by  an  exhaustion  tending  so  much  to  lethargy,  that  she 
was  seldom  able  to  converse.  During  the  last  week  of  her 
life,  it  was  only  at  short  intervals  that  she  could  be  spoken 
with:  and  it  was  a  peculiar  favour  to  herself  and  daughters, 
that  Mr.  Simeon  and  her  excellent  son  were  in  the  house,  and 
watched  for  every  reviving  moment  to  pray  or  converse  with 
her,  in  all  holy  tenderness,  till  she  ceased  to  breathe.  The 
solemn  event  greatly  affects  my  mind,  and  makes  me  desire 
to  lake  a  nearer  view  of  eternity,  and  a  firmer  grasp  on  Christ; 
and  I  trust  it  will  be  sanctified  to  all  the  beloved  children. 

"  I  am  happy,  my  dear  madam,  to  hear  that  your  son  has 
entered  into  his  blessed  Master's  high  service.  No  higher 
charge  can  he  be  entrusted  with,  in  this  world,  than  to  preach 
the  gospel  of  Christ,  and  to  tread  in  his  holy  steps.  Oh!  that 
all  who  enter  the  sacred  ministry  were  deeply  sensible  of  what 
so  sacred  and  holy  an  office  calls  them  unto  !  It  is  a  favour 
to  your  son,  in  his  first  setting  out,  to  be  in  a  retired  spot,  and 
with  so  good  a  man.  One  trembles  for  ministers,  even  of 
older  standing,  in  these  present  dangerous  times, — when  new 
speculations,  and  subtle  novel  notions  are,  it  is  to  be  feared, 
casting  a  dimness  over  '  the  good  old  paths,'  wherein  alone  it 
is  safe  to  walk. 

"  1  have  need,  dear  madam,  to  make  an  apology  for  my 
long  scrawl ;  but  when  the  heart  leads,  the  trembing  hand  fol- 
lows. 1  entreat  your  prayers  for  a  weary  and  fast-departing 
pilgrim, 

"  S.  Hawres." 


CHAr.  IX.— FROM  A.  D.  1828  TO  1832.      347 

The  important  calling  of  a  christian  minister  is  further  en- 
larged upon  by  Mrs.  liawkes,  in  a  letter  to  a  young  relative: 
whom  she  exhorts  to  a  serious  self-examination  as  to  his  mo- 
tives for  desiring  to  enter  the  sacred  ministry,  as  follows  : — 

"  Ask  yourself,  then,  as  in  the  presence  of  Ilim  who  knows 
every  thought  of  your  heart, — Do  I  wish  to  go  into  the  minis- 
try to  avoid  the  drudgery,  or  the  inconvenience,  or  the  compara- 
tively less  elevated  station  of  trade?  Is  there  in  my  motives 
any  mixture  of  vanity  or  ambition  ?  Do  1  conceive  that  I  have 
talents  for  the  ministry,  and  shall  therefore  obtain  the  esteem 
and  applause  of  men  ; — and  that  it  is  a  more  gentlemanlike 
and  honourable  profession,  and  that  I  shall  make  no  mean 
figure  as  a  minister?  Do  1  wish  to  pursue  literature  and  study 
because  it  is  more  noble,  and  will  raise  me  to  more  notice,  and 
introduce  me  to  more  genteel  society,  and  to  a  better  rank  ia 
life?  Does  my  heart  beat  at  the  trappinirs  of  the  gown  and 
bands,  and  at  the  thought  of  being  gazed  at  by  a  large  con- 
gregation, and  of  being  followed  by  a  multitlde?  Or,  on  the 
contrary,  do  I  feel  sensible  that  1  am  so  poor,  so  weak,  so  mis- 
erable a  sinner,  that  I  am  not  worthy  to  take  the  sacred  name  of 
God  in  my  polluted  lips  ; — that  unless  I  am  endued  with  grace 
from  on  high,  I  am  the  last  person  fit  to  think  of  becoming  a 
preacher  of  the  everlasting  Gospel?  Am  1  willing  to  be  ac- 
counted the  very  ofT-scouring  of  all  things, — and  can  I  meet 
disgrace,  contempt,  neglect,  persecution,  and  opposition,  with  all 
cheerfulness?  Do  I,  with  the  apostle,  'count  all  things  but 
dung  and  dross,  for  the  excellency  of  the  knowledge  of  Christ 
Jesus  my  Lord?'  Do  {  esteem  the  reproach  of  Christ  greater 
riches  than  all  the  treasures  this  world  can  bestow  ?  Do  I  es- 
teem talents,  and  brilliancy  of  parts,  as  nothing  in  comparison 
of  grace?  Can  I  take  up  my  cross,  and  deny  myself,  in  order 
to  follow  Christ,  through  evil  report  and  good  report?  Am  I 
acquainted  with  the  weakness  and  deceitfulness  of  my  own 
heart,  so  as  to  know  that  I  am  not  able  to  resist  one  tempta- 
tion, or  conquer  one  sin,  without  the  grace  of  God  assisting 
me?  Do  I  sufficiently  consider  the  awful  responsiblity  of  a 
minister?  (Read  the  2d,  33rd,  and  34th  chapters  of  Ezekiel.) 
Do  I  so  bear  in  mind  what  is  the  high  calling  of  a  minister  of 
the  gospel,  as  to  esteem,  that  it  were  better  to  be  a  shoe-black, 
or  a  chimney-sweeper,  than  to  take  that  sacred  charge  upon 
me,  unless  I  enter  upon  it  with  right  motives,  and  discharge  the 
duties  of  it  faithfully  ?  Am  I  determined  to  apply  myself  un- 
ceasingly to  the  toil  and  labour  of  study?     Can  I  shut  myself 


348  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

up  from  the  pleasures,  the  recreations,  the  amusements  of  the 
world,  and  of  society,  and  become  a  recluse, — and  toil  through 
the  drudgery  of  learning  with  unabating  perseverance  and  ap- 
plication '.'  Am  I  sincere  and  simple  in  the  desire  to  glorify 
God  and  to  save  souls?  Have  I  stability  enough  to  be  con- 
sistent and  pursuing? 

"  But  time  and  paper  fail  me  :  let  this  suffice  for  the  present ; 
and  remember,  you  are  but  a  youth, — you  may  comparatively 
be  said  to  know  nothing, — and  therefore,  after  all,  must  be  in- 
capable, at  present,  of  forming  a  judgment  upon  yourself.  As 
to  capacity  and  talents,  and  bright  parts, — while  they  are  good 
and  necessary, — yet  without  humility,  without  grace,  they  are 
nothing  worthy  and  not  to  be  accounted  of.  A  minister  must 
be  a  man  of  prayer — a  man  of  a  broken  and  contrite  heart, — 
a  man  deeply  versed  in  the  sacred  Scriptures, — one  ^vho  fights 
against  the  world,  the  flesh,  and  the  devil.  In  short,  so  much 
is  required  to  fit  a  man  for  being  a  minister,  that  it  is  enough 
to  make  any  one  tremble  at  the  idea  of  bearing  the  sacred  char- 
acter." 

Some  of  the  interior  workings  of  Mrs.  Hawkes's  mind  at 
this  time,  are  made  known  to  us  in  the  following  letter  to  the 
Rev.  R.  Waldo  Sibthorp:— 

5/A  Avg.  1830. 
"  Rev.  and  dear  Sir, 

"  Had  my  ability  for  writing  been  at  all  answerable  to  the 
grateful  feelings  that  your  kind  favour  excited  in  my  heart,  not 
a  day  would  have  elapsed  without  my  thankful  acknowledg- 
ment, for  so  comforting  a  token  of  your  Christian  remem- 
brance, kind  sympathy,  and  desire  to  help  forward  a  poor, 
weary,  and  heavy-laden  pilgrim,  on  her  journey  heavenward. 
An  attack  of  disease  in  the  head  has  rendered  writing,  and 
reading,  and  even  much  thinking,  not  only  exceedingly  difficult, 
but  also  dangerous  in  its  consequences  : — and  has  proved  a 
fresh  occasion  for  the  exercise  of  passive  faith,  and  sweet  re- 
pose in  the  will  of  God,  and  in  his  fatherly  love  and  compas- 
sion ;  in  which  I  am  ashamed  to  feel  I  am  so  much  wanting, 
— but  which,  1  trust,  I  am  seeking  to  obtain  in  a  way  which 
you,  dear  sir,  kindly  point  out, — that  of  not  resting  short  of  a 
fuller  measure  of  the  blessed  spirit  of  adoption ;  by  which  at 
all  times,  and  in  the  darkest  seasons,  I  may  cry,  '  my  Father, 
my  Father  !'  I  say  a  fuller  measure, — for  I  surely  am  not 
wholly  a  stranger  to  this  high   privilege,— these   most  sweet 


CHAP.  IX. FROM  A.  D.  1828  TO  1832.       349 

drawings  of  the  blessed  Spirit  to  the  bosom  of  a  compassionate 
Father, — even  while  under  the  deepest  smartings  of  his  chast- 
ening rod.  Yet  I  am  conscious  that  the  spirit  of  bondage  is 
not  cast  out  as  it  ought  to  be ;  but  is  still  striving  to  rob  my 
soul  of  that  abiding  peace,  which  is  the  sweet  fruit  of  '  a  full 
assurance  of  faith.'  I  would,  therefore,  in  self-renunciation, 
prostrate  myself  at  the  foot  of  the  blessed  cross, — the  holiest, 
safest,  and  happiest  station  for  all  the  soul's  transactions  with 
God, — and  would  earnestly  enter  into  the  inquiry,  'Is  there 
not  a  cause  V  It  may  be  partly  from  the  want  of  such  serious 
inquiry,  that  many  sincere  Christians  rest  short  of  this  crown- 
ing blessing  of  the  gospel.  In  my  own  case, — setting  aside  a 
proneness  to  legality,  and  many  other  causes  that  operate  to 
produce  gloomy  doubts, — I  seem  every  day  to  be  made  to  dis- 
cover and  feel,  that  I  know  very  little  of  what  is  real  Chj'is- 
tianify,  e'llhev  in  understanding  or  practice.  And  having  been 
led,  I  trust  by  Divine  teaching,  and  also  by  sad  experience,  to 
feel  somewhat  of  the  exceeding  sinfulness  of  sin, — as  regards 
its  own  hateful  essence,  as  well  as  the  havoc  and  ruin  it  has 
actually  produced,  and  still  does  produce  in  the  soul, — my  mind 
and  thoughts  more  frequently  revert  unto,  and  dwell  upon,  what 
sin  hath  wrought,  than  on  that  glorious  salvation,  which  hath 
provided  a  full  and  free  deliverance  therefrom.  This  habit  of 
my  mind  arises  not  so  much,  I  think,  from  the  want  of  clear 
views  of  the  precious  doctrine  of  justification,  (as  revealed  in 
the  Scriptures)  as  from  weakness  of  faith,  which  hinders  a  full 
embodying  thereof, — if  I  may  so  speak.  The  faith  of  affiance 
in  Christ,  has,  for  many  years,  been  so  very  precious  and  bind- 
ing to  my  soul,  that  I  have  seemed  only  to  desire  more  and 
more  of  its  uniting  power, — whereas  I  ought,  doubtless,  to 
have  been  pressing  forward  to  the  obtaining  of  the  '  full  assur- 
ance of  hope,'  and  the  blessed  grace  of  adoption. 

"  In  reply,  dear  sir,  to  your  kind  inquiry,  '  what  is  the  load- 
ing relation  in  which  I  am  wont  to  keep  God  before  me,' — I 
humbly  trust  I  may  say,  that  I  have  been  favoured  with  some 
sweet  communion  with  God,  in  each  of  the  sacred  relations,  in 
which  he  has  been  pleased  to  reveal  himself,  in  the  blessed  Scrip- 
tures, towards  his  chosen  and  called  ones.  Yet  strange  to  say, 
— in  that  oC a  Father,  ihe  most  endearing  of  all  relations,  (as  I 
now  begin  to  discover,)  I  have  not,  as  1  ought,  obtained  a  dis- 
guishing  acquaintance;  or  a  habit  of  near  and  abiding  inter- 
course,— as  in  other  the  relations;  nor  have  I,  in  reading  the 
Scriptures,  sought  out,  and  especially  marked,  the  character,  the 
various  discoveries  which  are  made  therein  of  Gou,  as  a  Father, 
30 


350  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

— SO  much  as  in  the  light  of  a  Redeemer,  and  Sanctifier,  and 
in  some  other  sacred  features,  which  I  have  been  accustomed 
to  place  before  my  view  :  but  have  rather  been  expecting  that 
the  Spirit  of  adoption  should  be  given  by  some  immediate  and 
sensible  operation  of  the  Spirit,  which,  wiih  an  invincible  power, 
should  at  once  cast  out  the  spirit  of  bondage,  and  overcome  all 
slavish  fear ;  instead  of  expecting,  and  waiting  for  this  blessed 
Divine  work  to  be  wrought  through  the  patient  searching  of 
the  Scriptures  and  prayer.  Surely  does  all  this  prove,  what  1 
have  said  before,  that  I  know  very  little  of  what  real  Christi- 
anity is,  either  in  understanding  or  experience; — while,  as  to 
its  real  value  and  blessedness,  I  hope  I  do  know  something, 
and  find  a  hungering  and  thirsting  also  to  know  all  the  fulness 
thereof. 

"  I  have  endeavoured,  dear  sir,  with  simplicity  and  confi- 
dence, to  meet  your  very  kind  wish  to  know  somewhat  of  my 
Christian  experience, — in  the  hope  of  obtaining  the  further  aid 
of  your  prayers,  and  valued  counsel ;  from  which,  I  thankfully 
believe  and  hope,  I  have  received  much  benefit.  I  think,  in 
the  last  conversation  I  had  the  favour  of  holding  with  you,  I 
observed,  that  though  I  could  not  speak  boldly  of  my  assurance 
of  going  to  heaven,  yet  that  I  was  not  exercised  with  doubts 
on  that  score.  And  now  that  1  am  every  day  reminded,  by 
some  fresh  symptom  of  disease,  that  there  is  but  one  step  be- 
tween me  and  death,  I  am,  through  infinite  mercy  and  favour, 
enabled  to  seek,  and  find,  a  hiding-place  in  Christ,  so  as  to 
venture  my  all  into  his  arms  of  faithfulness  and  love  ;  and  to 
adopt  that  holy  cry,  '  Come,  Lord  Jesus,  come  quickly,' and 
take  to  thyself  a  sinful  worm,  '  whom  thou  hast  redeemed  with 
thy  precious  blood.' 

"The  death  of  my  old  and  beloved  friend,  Mrs.  Cecil,  has 
brought  a  lovvness  on  my  spirits  that  I  am  not  able,  in  my  pre- 
sent feeble  state,  to  overcome.  The  loss  of  animal  spirits  is  to 
me  a  new  trial ;  although  I  am  quite  aware  that  it  chiefly  origi- 
nates from  physical  causes,  and  only  affects  the  mind  in  a  way 
of  sympathy.  *****  *         * 

"  I  must  continue  to  comfort  myself  that,  though  absent,  I 
am  not  forgotten  ;  nor  prevented  from  meeting  you  in  spirit, 
in  the  presence  of  Him  who  is  the  blessed  centre  of  true  happi- 
ness. I  can  truly  say,  I  am  never  at  a  loss  for  songs  of  praise. 
Your  undeserved  kindness,  my  dear  Sir,  as  regards  my  spiritual 
and  temporal  benefit,  is  among  other  mercies  and  favours,  that 
tune  my  poor  harj)  to  cheerful  strains  of  grateful  thanksgiving. 
Much  do  I  long  to  add  on  the  subject  of  my  deep  obligation  : 


CHAP.  IX.— FROM  A.  D.  1828  TO  1832.        351 

but  I  know  unto  whom  you  would  rather  I  should  pour  out  my 
acknowledgments,  which  I  am  sure  will  be  accompanied  by 
earnest  supplication,  that  the  presence  of  Christ  may  be  with 
you  always,  and  prosper  you  in  every  way  that  you  take,  pub- 
lic or  private ;  for  He  knoweth  the  way  that  you  take. 
*•  With  unfeigned  respect  and  esteem, 

"  I  remain,  Rev.  and  dear  Sir, 

"  Your  ever  obliged, 

"  Sarah  Hawkes." 

To  obtain  the  slight  relief  which  change  of  air  might  afford, 
Mrs.  Hawkes  passed  the  latter  months  of  this  year  at  High- 
gate.  It  was  her  principle  never  to  neglect  the  use  of  any 
means  afforded  by  Providence,  either  for  the  improvement  of 
health,  or  the  alleviation  of  suffering.  In  a  letter  to  her  young 
friend,  Miss  Milward,  who,  with  her  sisters,  was  then  at  Rams- 
gate,  she  thus  urges  the  conscientious  attention  to  health: — 

"  I  hope  none  of  you  neglect  to  use  every  possible  means  of 
gaining  benefit  at  Ramsgate.  It  sometimes  requires  much 
self-denial  and  resolution,  to  leave  books,  and  home  engage- 
ments, (especially  if  they  are  pleasant,)  to  go  out  and  ramble 
from  place  to  place,  merely  for  the  sake  of  air  and  exercise, 
when  no  particular  object  of  interest  excites  to  such  exertion  ; 
and  as  we  are  very  apt  to  miscall  things,  and  put  our  own 
meaning  and  colour  upon  them,  we  call  that  a  loss  of  time, 
which  is  taken  from  mental,  or  other  more  agreeable  pursuits, 
and  devoted  to  the  gaining  of  bodily  health  and  vigour.  But 
this  is  a  cheat  which  self-love  and  self  indulgence  impose  on 
our  better  judgment.  When  Providence  favours  an  invalid 
with  means  of  restoration  to  health, — the  second  greatest  bless- 
ing we  can  desire, — it  is  as  proper  to  be  active,  diligent,  and 
conscientious  in  using  those  means,  as  to  be  found  in  the  prac- 
tice of  any  other  duty  that  is  enjoined  upon  us.  Closet  en- 
gagements, and  Sunday  privileges,  are  those  alone  which  must 
not  be  sacrificed  to  the  gaining  of  health.  But  all  other  em- 
ployments and  pursuits,  however  pleasing  and  desirable,  must 
be  suspended,  during  a  temporary  opportunity  afforded  by  a 
kind  Providence,  who  careth  for  the  body :  which  being 
strengthened,  is  rendered  more  capable  of  serving  and  honour- 
ing God,  by  the  performance  of  every  duty  which  lies  before 
us,  for  the  good  of  ourselves  or  others.  The  mind  also  par- 
takes of  the  benefit;  and  is  bettor  prepared  and  enabled  to  bear 
with  cheerfulness,  those  trials  and  crosses  which  none  are 
without." 


352  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

The  importance  of  a  religious  regard  to  closet  duties,  which 
is  hinted  at  above,  is  more  strongly  urged  by  Mrs.  Havvkes, 
in  a  letter  to  her  nephew,  Mr.  E."  T.  Jones,  to  whom  she 
writes : — 

"  Blessed  be  his  name,  I  find  by  experience,  through  assist- 
ing  grace,  that  the  surest  way  to  confidence,  is  to  say  to  Him 
in  prayer,  with  all  humility  and  self-renunciation,  '  1  will  not 
let  Thee  go,  except  Thou  bless  me.'  Allow  me,  my  dear 
nephew,  to  encourage  you  to  let  no  day  pass  without  wrestling, 
like  Jacob,  in  the  same  spirit  of  importunity,  for  some  satisfy- 
ing taste  that  the  Lord  is  gracious;  and,  like  him,  you  shall 
assuredly  prevail ;  and  your  faith  will  be  enlarged  and  con- 
firmed. 1  hope  that,  notwithstanding  the  increasing  demand 
upon  your  attention,  you  are  still  able  to  secure  your  early 
mornings  for  devotional  exercises.  I  do  believe,  that  nothing, 
(not  even  the  public  means  of  grace,)  so  surely  and  secretly 
promotes  the  health  and  prosperity  of  the  soul,  nor  brings  it 
into  closer  converse  with  God,  as  when,  before  the  cares  of 
the  day,  and  its  endless  distractions  begin,  we  are  enabled,  with 
David,  to  say,  'O  God,  thou  art  my  God,  early  will  i  seek 
thee.'  '  My  voice  shalt  thou  hear  in  the  morning,  O  Lord ; 
in  the  morning  will  I  direct  my  prayer  unto  Thee,  and  will 
look  up.'  "  Ps.  V.  3. 

At  the  close  of  the  year  she  again  writes  to  the  same,  ac- 
knowledging favours: — 

"  I  know  not  how  far  that  portion  of  the  sweet  Litany  may 
belong  to  you,  my  beloved  nephew,  '  In  all  times  of  our  wealth,' 
&c.,  but  sure  1  am,  that  unless  the  Lord  bless  your  blessings, 
of  every  description,  they  will  prove  temptations  to  draw  away 
the  mind  from  close  converse  with  him.  He  is  able  (however 
otherwise  impossible  it  would  be,)  to  keep  my  dearest  Eden's 
heart  hungering  and  thirsting  after  Him,  in  the  midst  of  all  the 
bustle  and  cares  of  life,  and  in  the  midst  of  all  its  enjoyments, — 
which  I  trust  is  his  daily  experience.  Accept  my  affectionate 
thanks  for  your  great  goodness  to  your  aged  and  unworthy 
aunt;  who  is  yet  a  burdened  lingerer  in  this  dry  and  thirsty 
land,  where  no  water  is,  save  what  may  be  graciously  given 
from  the  '  upper  and  the  nether  springs.'  Blessed  be  the  Foun- 
tain of  Life  !  we  need  not  fear  any  failure  there  ;  and  if  we 
drink  not  copiously  thereat,  the  fault  and  loss  is  all  our  own, — 
for  it  ever  flows,  and  overflows,  to  such  as  thirst  after  it  '  as 
the  hart  for  the  water-brooks.' 


CHAP.  IX.— FROM  A.  D.  1828  TO  1832.        353 

"  Situated  as  I  now  am,  very  near  to  Mr.  Wilson's  church, 
you  will  easily  imagine  how  painful  I  must  feel  it  that  I  am 
very  seldom  able  to  have  the  privilege  of  hearing  him.  f  am 
ashamed  to  say  that  I  am  not  resigned  and  quiescent  under  my 
privations,  as  1  ought  to  be ;  but  often  sit  alone  and  mourn, 
when  I  should,  with  joy,  be  drawing  water  out  of  the  wells  of 
salvation  that  are  within  my  reach.  I  am  ready  to  cry  aloud 
to  the  old,  and  the  young,  who  can  go  to  the  house  of  God, 
'  Be  diligent,  be  all  earnestness  to  seize  every  opportunity,  give 
place  to  no  common  hindrances,  and  treasure  up  what  you 
may  gain,  as  a  store  for  sickness  and  old  age.  1  feel  increas- 
ingly thankful  for  the  past  flivours  and  privileges  I  have  en- 
joyed :  and  only  wish  I  had  improved  them  more.  They, 
through  divine  grace,  have  led  me  into  '  A  broad  land  of  wealth 
unknown;'  and  to  esteem  the  pearl  of  great  price,  hidden  there- 
in, as  of  more  value  and  sweetness  than  all  that  this  earth  can 
bestow.  And  what  will  be  the  joy,  (for  which  1  am  looking 
and  longing,)  when  it  shall  be  mine  in  everlasting  possession  ! 
Let  us,  my  dearest  nephew,  count  all  things  but  dung  and 
dross,  so  that  we  may  win  Christ,  and  be  found  in  him,  living 
and  dying." 

Some  of  Mrs.  Hawkes's  few  remaining  private  memoran- 
dums are  in  the  form  of  short  prayers, — one  of  which  con- 
cludes this  year.  The  pious  reader  will  easily  follow  out  her 
unfinished  ejaculation  : — 

Dec.  1830. — "  Blessed  Lord  !  who  has  commanded  thy 
poor  followers  to  watch,  and  to  pray,  and  not  faint,  look  on 
one  that  from  age,  disease,  oppression,  and  infantile  weak- 
ness,— with  pain  of  body, — has  indeed  to  wrestle  against  flesh 
and  sense;  as  well  as  with  the  soul's  more  immediate  adver- 
saries to  the  observance  of  thy  blessed  word.  Let  thy  all-suf- 
ficient grace  prevent  me  from  making  my  weakness,  or  other 
infirmities,  an  excuse  for  neglio;ence  or  sloth.  Teach  me,  pa- 
tiently and  resignedly,  yet  in  all  godly  sincerity  and  filial  fear, 
to  yield  that  which  is  due  to  an  afflicted  frame,  and  with  faith, 
and  love,  and  hope,  to  lie  at  the  footstool  of ." 

The  extreme  pain  attendant  on  Mrs.  Hawkes's  complaint, 
had  now  scarcely  any  remission,  even  in  exchange  for  lan- 
guor and  debility  :  each  seemed  to  prevail  at  once,  with  but 
few  intervals.  VV^riting  and  reading  were  almost  laid  aside; 
and  patient  endurance  occupied  her  suffering  days  and  nights. 
30* 


354  MEMOIRS    OF    3IRS.  HAMKES. 

A  few  lines  which  she  wrote,  at  this  time,  in  answer  to  the 
kind  enquiries  of  Miss  Milward,  evince  the  sweet  frame  of  her 
mind  : — 

"  Many  thanks,  dear  love,  for  your  kind  inquiries.  I  would 
gladly  give  you  the  pleasure  which  I  know  you  would  feel,  as 
well  as  have  myself  the  comfort  of  saying, — that  my  pain  is 
somewhat  mitigated, — were  it  in  my  power  so  to  say  :  but  I  am 
suffering  acutely,  and  feel  ill  in  consequence. 

"  There  is  O/je,  full  of  tenderness  and  mercy,  that  can  give 
me  ease  :  and  if  He  is  not  pleased  so  to  do,  it  is  because  He 
sees  that  pain  is  best  for  me ;  and  His  love  is  too  great  to 
spare  me  to  my  loss.  1  thank  you  for  your  kind  desire  to 
help :  but,  through  mercy,  I  am  not  in  want  of  any  thing  that 
is  needful. 

"I  pray  that  you,  my  dear  friend,  and  your  dear  sisters, 
may,  while  you  have  opportunity,  and  sufficiency  of  time  and 
strength,  seek  to  become  more  and  more  intimately  acquainted 
with,  and  united  to  Him,  who  is  a  strong  Tower  in  the  day  of 
suffering  ; — and  your  only  Preserver  from  temptation,  in  time 
of  ease  and  prosperity. 

"  With  much  love  to  all, — I  am, 

"  Your  affectionate  and  obliged, 

"S.  H." 

"  March  25,  1831." 

To  her  friend,  Mr.  B ,  she  writes  about  the  same  time; — 

"  My  sincere  and  grateful  thanks  are  always  inadequate  to 
my  feelings,  and  to  my  estimate  of  your  friendship,  and  con- 
tinued goodness,  in  caring  for  an  afflicted,  unworthy,  and  often 
do  1  say, — wretched  creature.  Yes,  in  myself,  'wretched,  and 
poor,  and  blind,  and  miserable  : ' — but  thanks  be  to  Sovereign 
grace  and  mercy,  I  am  not  my  own,  but  His,  who  hath 
bought  me  with  his  precious  blood !  Oh  I  if  I  had  faith  to  be 
able  to  say,  *  I  live,  yet  not  I,  but  Christ  liveth  in  me,'  how 
would  my  groanings  because  of  this  body  of  sin  and  death,  be 
turned  into  praise !  Renew  your  prayers  for  me,  my  dear  sir, 
that  my  hoary  head,  and  dying,  pained  days,  may  be  crowned 
with  a  firm  and  increasing  hope  of  a  glorious  immortality,  and 
with  a  sweet  foretaste  thereof.  I  am  now  a  greater  sufferer  in 
my  body  than  I  have  ever  been  through  the  last  thirty  years 
of  my  afflictions.  My  pain  is  acute  and  constant;  and,  of 
course,  bolh  strength   and  animal  spirits   are  much  wasted; 


CHAP.  IX.— FROM  A.  D.  1828  TO  1832.        355 

and  my  days,  and  mostly  my  nights,  are  wearisome  to  me; — 
but  the  full  belief  that  they  are  '  appointed  '  by  an  all-wise,  all- 
gracious,  and  compassionate  Father  in  heaven,  and  that  they 
are  only  those  scourges  with  which  He  scourges  every  son  and 
daughter  whom  he  lovelh, — ought  to  make  me  more  joyous, 
and  less  sorrowful  under  all  I  have  to  endure.  Sure  I  am.  He 
doth  not  visit  me  as  my  sins  deserve;  and  sure  I  am,  that  the 
mercies,  supports,  and  blessings  that  He  granteth  me, — are 
wonderful, — and  dem.and  more  grateful  songs  of  praise  than  I 
am  able  to  render.  Yes,  '  the  Lord  is  good,  and  a  strong  hold 
in  the  day  of  trouble.' 

"  When  will  you  come,  my  dear  friend,  and, — by  the  bless- 
ing of  God  on  your  conversation  and  prayers, — refresh  my 
spirit,  as  your  kind  provision  refreshes  the  poor  body  ? 

"  1  was  glad  to  hear  you  were  better :  may  health  and  pros- 
perity, temporal  and  spiritual,  abound  towards  you  !  prays, 
"  Your  affectionate  and  indebted, 

"  S.  HxlWKES." 

The  following  letter  to  the  Rev.  R.  Waldo  Sibthorp,  appears, 
from  comparing  the  date  at  the  commencement  with  another  at 
its  close,  to  have  lain  a  long  while  unfinished, — indicating  the 
state  of  suffering  which  caused  correspondence  to  become  more 
and  more  difficult : — 

"  Jwne,  1831. 

"  My  very  dear  Sir, 

"  Long  before  I  had  the  favour  to  receive  your  last  most 
highly  valued  and  kind  letter,  I  greatly  desired  to  indulge  my- 
self in  the  pleasure  of  writing  to  you.  Again,  and  again,  have 
I  taken  up  my  pen,  in  moments  of  somewhat  abated  pain,  but 
was  rendered  unable  to  proceed  by  its  too  speedy  return  ;  nor 
have  I  any  better  hope  of  success,  but  by  adopting  the  ex- 
pedient, of  scribbling  now  and  then  a  line  or  two  at  a  time, 
when  a  short  interval  of  comparative  ease  may  be  granted  me  : 
—very  few,  and  short,  are  such  favoured  intervals  !  for  I  seem 
to  be  clothed  with  suffering  as  with  a  garment.  Oh  !  how  great 
is  the  mercy  of  my  God  towards  me,  who  hath  also  clothed 
me  with  a  garment  of  salvation !  and  1  trust  this  severe  afflic- 
tion is  preparing  me  through  sanctifying  grace,  for  a  robe  of 
glory.  I  shall  indeed,  dear  sir,  count  myself  highly  favoured, 
if,  as  you  say,  I  may  be  drawing  near  the  blessed  '  assembly' 
above, — and  the  beatific  vision,  where  there  is  no  veil  between  : 


356  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

but  my  heart  is  sometimes  sick  with  hope  deferred, — and  with 
the  probability  of  being  still  a  lingerer  in  this  vale  of  tears  : 
yet  for  this  1  chide  myself;  because  time  at  the  longest,  is  but 
a  moment ;  and  for  me,  it  can  only  be  a  little  moment^ — which 
1  trust  I  shall  be  enabled  to  improve,  in  seeking  after  larger 
manifestations  of  the  love  and  presence  of  the  Saviour,  who 
can  '  be  touched  with  a  feeling  of  our  infirmities,'  and  gra- 
ciously pours  forth  his  choicest  comforts  in  the  hour  of  extremity. 

"  Although  I  am  always  afraid  to  speak  of  my  own  feelings 
and  experience,  lest  there  should  creep  in  anything  of  wretch- 
ed boasting; — yet  what  may  prove  satisfactory  to  a  praying, 
sympathizing  brother,  as  you  most  kindly  style  yourself,  (and 
of  which  by  many  conferred  favours,  I  am  fully  and  thankful- 
ly assured,) — should  not  be  withheld.  And  still  less  should  be 
withheld,  a  humble  testimony  to  the  loving-kindness,  and  ten- 
der mercy,  which  is  vouchsafed  in  this  time  of  sore  affliction,  to 
one,  who  feels  every  day  that  it  is  because  the  Divine  compas- 
sion faiieth  not,  that  she  is  not  consumed.  I  trust  I  may  say, 
that  I  am  brought  into  a  more  child-like  spirit;  and  enabled  by 
the  blessed  Spirit,  of  adoption,  with  a  more  sweet  and  firm  con- 
fidence, to  cry  '  My  Father,  my  Father  !' — than  when  I  last  had 
the  privilege  of  conversing  v/iih  you,  my  dear  sir,  on  that  sa- 
cred subject ;  and  that  in  some  measure,  I  am  enabled  to  kiss 
the  smiting  rod;  and  hide  myself  in  the  bosom  of  a  reconciled, 
yea,  and  indulgent  God  and  Father,  in  Christ  Jesus.  Moreo- 
ver,  that  many  encouraging  proofs  are  afforded,  that  this  chas- 
tening of  the  Lord  is  '  for  my  profit;  and  that  I  might  be  made 
a  partaker  of  his  holiness,' — after  which  my  soul  thirsteth. 

"  Had  not  my  bodily  afflictions  been  particularly  distres- 
sing during  the  last  few  months,  I  should  long  ago,  have  en- 
deavoured to  thank  you,  my  dear  sir,  for  your  most  welcome 
and  valued  letter,  which  came  so  opportunely,  that  it  had  all 
the  full  effect  on  my  mind  of  that  kind  Christian  sympathy 
which  led  you  to  write  it ;  and  my  feelings  will  long  retain  its 
sacred  and  sweei  savour.  I  think  I  never  felt  the  kind  sympa- 
thy of  friends  so  truly  soothing  and  delightful,  as  since  my  in- 
crease of  disease  : — yet,  as  you  say  a  sympathizing  Saviour 
surpasses  all!  It  is  His  gracious  prerogative  to  say, — '  I  am 
with  you  always!'  Let  the  sufferings  of  extremity  speak,  if  they 
can  what  is  the  blessedness  af  those  consolatory  words,  when 
brought  into  experience  !  I  find  that  a  time  of  extremity  great- 
ly tends  to  make  faith  both  simple  and  bold  ; — it  flies  to  Christ, 
and  says,  '  I  will  not  let  thee  go  except  thou  bless  me.'     How 


CHAP.  IX.-— FROM  A.  D.  1828  TO  1832.       357 

truly  therefore  is  it  said,  '  Afllictions  are  blessings  in  disguise.' 

"  I  hope,  dear  sir,  1  am  in  some  measure  enabled,  as  you 
say,  to  speak  a  word  in  season,  occasionally,  to  such  few  as  my 
increased  sufferings  will  permit  me  to  converse  with.  As  long 
as  life  shall  last,  my  heart  and  tongue  can  bear  but  one  testimo- 
ny, to  whomsoever  I  speak, — of  the  importance  of  vital  union 
with  Christ,  and  a  realization  of  the  nearness  of  eternity ,  and  the 
blessedness  of  standing  ready-clothed  in  the  wedding-garment, 
and  only  waiting  for  the  Bridegroom's  call,  'Come up  higher.' 

"  I  am  delighted  with  your  remarks  on  the  simplicity  and 
efficacy  of  failh,  which  enters  into  the  possession,  rather  than 
lingers  on  the  ezpectation  of  the  blessing.  Does  not  this  sim- 
ple faith  comprise  all  other  Christian  graces?  I  trust  I  can, 
in  a  measure,  say  by  experience, — it  does. 

*'  I  am  not  only  struck  as  you  anticipate,  but  confirmed  in  the 
persuasion,  that  Satan's  mode  of  attack,  in  the  present  day,  is 
by  exciting  an  outward  rather  than  an  inward  work  ;  especi- 
ally by  promoting  an  apparent  zeal  for  God,  in  pursuing  ob- 
jects connected  with  the  spread  of  the  Gospel,  and  the  interest 
of  religion  generally  ; — but  I  am  much  more  struck,  and  even 
alarmed,  by  his  attack  upon  the  real  Christian,  in  his  transform- 
ing himself  into  an  angel  of  light;  so  as  to  deceive,  if  it  were 
possible  the  very  elect :  proposing  to  them,  chiefly  through  the 
medium  of  the  imagination,  greater  degrees  of  spirituality  and 
elevation  than  the  Scriptures  authorize  us  to  expect, — except  as 
combined  with  deep  contrition,  and  humiliation.  Some  minds 
he  fills  with  endless  speculations  and  perversions.  In  others, 
he  raises  scrupulosities  on  minor  points,  destroying  the  gran- 
deur and  simplicity  of  the  Christian  system;  and  thus,  puts  on 
the  Christian  who  has  hitherto  been  simple  and  consistent,  the 
garb  of  changeableness  ;  which  leads  many  to  say,  *  We 
scarcely  know  where  to  look  for  a  solid  guide.'  But  God  will 
take  care  of  his  Church,  and  in  due  time,  bruise  Satan  under 
our  feet.  Still  it  is  a  consolation  that  there  are  many  sound 
in  the  faith — and  even  some  of  a  Fletcher-like  spirit. 

"  Thus  far,  my  dear  sir,  had  I  proceeded  with  this  letter, 
(which  I  have  been  many  weeks  endeavouring  to  write,)  when 
the  apalling  and  most  affecting  event  of  the  loss  of  Mr.  and 
Mrs.  Forster  was  brought  to  my  ears  !^  My  spirits  are  yet 
too  much  oppressed  to  write  upon  the  tender  subject.  I  can 
only  contemplate  them  as  rejoicing  before  the  throne  !  and 
think  they  were  favoured  by  so  easy  a  departure,  and  that  in 

1  Who  were  lost  at  sea  in  the  Rothsay  Castle  steamer. — Ed. 


358  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

death  they  were  not  divided.  The  bridegroom  called  and  they 
■were  ready.  *  *  *  *  # 

"  Begging  most  earnestly  a  continued  interest  in  your  pray- 
ers,  for  which,  1  believe,  I  am  already  greatly  indebted, 
"  I  remain,  dear  sir, 
*'  With  true  esteem,  and  Christian  affection, 
*'  Your  ever  obliged, 

"  S.  Hawkes." 
"  Sept.  2." 

By  the  help  of  an  amanuensis,  she  addresses  the  same  friend 
again,  at  the  close  of  the  year,  wishing  to  express  her  grateful 
sense  of  favours  received  : — 

''Dec.  17,  1831. 
"  Rev.  and  dear  Sir, 

"  I  can  only  place  the  favour  I  have  received  through 
your  kindness,  among  the  many  marks  vouchsafed  to  me  of 
the  gracious  love,  and  care,  of  my  heavenly  Father;  mercifully 
designed  to  render  less  bitter  the  cup  of  suffering,  from  which 
frail  nature  shrinks,  even  while  the  real  language  of  the  heart 
is,—-'  I  know  that  in  very  faithfulness  Thou  hast  afflicted  me.' 
Bles^  the  Lord,  O  my  soul,  for  all  his  benefits !  especially  the 
benefit  of  his  chastening  rod. 

"  I  will  beg  you,  dear  sir,  to  present  my  grateful  acknow- 
ledgments to  Mrs.  M s,  whom,  though  unknown,  I  claim 

as  a  Christian  sister  in  the  Lord, — in  whose  name  I  am  per- 
suaded she  shews  me  this  kindness;  and  her  favour  being  en- 
closed in  a  letter  from  yourself,  made  it  more  than  a  double 
gratification.  May  the  same  blessed  Lord  return  unto  her, 
and  to  you,  my  much  esteemed  benefactor,  showers  of  grace 
and  blessing! 

"  I  feel  ashamed  that  you,  or  any  other  friend,  should  ask 
my  poor  (and,  now,  almost  broken)  prayers  ;  but  such  as  they 
are,  I  trust  I  shall  not  cease  to  offer  from  the  altar  of  my  heart; 
which,  when  broken  and  contrite,  being  sprinkled  with  that 
precious  blood  which  cleanseth  from  all  sin, — 1  am  sure  will 
not  be  rejected.  Yes,  dear  sir,  there  is  indeed  an  endless, 
boundless  theme  for  contemplation  and  praise,  in  the  love  of 
the  Son  of  God  towards  helpless  ruined  sinners  !  and  through 
Divine  help,  it  is  my  sweetest  engagement  and  enjoyment, 
while  on  my  couch  of  pain,  to  endeavour  to  trace  such  amazing 
love  in  all  its  various  manifestations,  both  in  the  sacred  record, 
and  in  whatever  comes  within  my  observation  and  experience. 

*'As  to  'flights  of  fancy  and  imagination,'  I  am  more  and 


CHAP.  X FROJI  JAN.  TO  OCT.  16,  1832.  359 

more  convinced  they  must  be  altogether  thrown  down,  and 
kept  down,  by  the  power  of  the  Holy  Spirit,  and  the  word  of 
God. 

*  *  *  *  *  *  % 

"  I  sincerely  thank  you  for  your  kind  Christian  wishes,  in 
which  are  comprised  all  that  would  sweeten  the  cup  of  suffer- 
ing,— which  continues  much  the  same  as  heretofore.  The 
good  hope  which  is  graciously  afforded  me  in  the  encouraging 
passage  you  mention,  and  the  nearer  prospect  and  hope  of  soon 
entering  into  a  sabbatical  rest,  through  mercy,  keeps  my  mind 
in  peace,  and  my  heart,  for  the  most  part,  from  fainting. 

"I  shall  always  be  comforted  to  hear  of  your  welfare,  dear 
sir,  both  spiritual  and  temporal, — while,  with  true  regard,  I 
must  ever  remain, 

"  Your  obliged  and  affectionate  servant, 

"  S.  Haavkes." 


CHAPTER  X. 

CLOSING  PERIOD  OF  HER  LIFE. 

FROM  JAN.  1832  to  OCT.  16,  1832. 

Her  increased  sufferings,  and  the  increasing  power  of  grace  upon  her 
mind — Solemn  views  of  death — Letter  on  ejaculatory  prayer — Remo- 
val to  Park  Street — Her  last  letter  to  Mr.  B . — Peaceful  waiting 

for  departure — Dictates  a  letter  to  the  Rev.  R.  W.  Sibthorp, — Severe 
sufferings  at  last. — Visit  of  Dr.  Fearon,  who  commends  her  departing 
spirit  to  God — Pofit  mortem  examination — Extract  from  her  funeral 
sermon,  preached  by  the  Rev.  F.  H.  Fell. 

We  are  now  about  to  enter  on  the  last  year  of  Mrs.  Hawkes's 
earthly  pilgrimage.  We  have  to  contemplate  her,  exhausted 
by  continual  pain,  sinking  under  disease  and  old  age — and 
waiting  in  solemn  expectation  of  dissolution.  In  such  circum- 
stances, lively  expressions  of  feeling  could  not  be  expected; 
nor  shall  we  meet  with  them.  But  We  shall  behold  a  cluster 
of  graces,  adorning  the  aged,  dying  Christian — who  still  brings 
forth  fruit  in  old  age.  What  those  fruits  are,  we  may  learn 
from  Rom.  v.  3 — 5.  "Tribulation  worketh  patience;  and 
patience  experience  ;  and  experience,  hope  ;  and  hope  makcth 


360  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  IIAWKES, 

not  ashamed  :" — we  shall  behold  her  "  looking  for,  and  hast- 
ing unto  the  day  of  God ; "  still  deeply  conscious  of  the  vast 
eternity  which  was  opening  before  her,  as  appears  by  the  fol- 
lowing lines  written  about  this  time : — 

1832. — "  With  what  solemnity  does  the  serious  and  con- 
templative mind  take  a  near  view  of  death,  even  with  a  good 
and  sure  hope  of  a  joyful  resurrection  unto  eternal  life,  through 
Jesus  Christ  I  How  apt  is  the  eye  of  faith,  when  feeble  as  is 
mine,  to  view  the  surrounding  rising  waters,  rather  than  to 
keep  a  fixed  look  on  Him,  who  can  bid  me  walk  upon  them. 
That  such  divine  power  may  be  given,  when  this  frail  and 
broken  vessel  must  ♦  launch  out  into  the  deep,'  shall  be  my 
prayer  while  lingering  on  its  brink ;  which,  1  trust,  shall  be 
cheered  with  the  song  of  praise,  '  He  hath  swallowed  up  death 
in  victory.'  " 

While,  however,  life  lasted,  she  did  not  consider  that  "  the 
work  of  faith"  was  done, — nor  the  "  labour  of  love"  ended. 
When  any  question  of  spiritual  importance  was  proposed  to 
her  by  letter,  her  trembling  hand  still  endeavoured  to  direct,  and 
assist,  the  younger  Christian;  as  will  appear  by  the  following 
letter,  written  in  May,  1832,  to  a  friend  who  had  asked, — "  If 
the  spiritual  life  could  be  kept  up  by  ejacnlatory  'prayer  only  ; 
when,  from  constant  engagement — under  the  direction  of 
others, — stated  seasons  of  retirement  became  almost  impossi- 
ble."    In  reply  to  which,  Mrs.  Hawkes  writes: — 

"  I  cannot  help  having  much  concern  about  you,  dearest  one, 
notwithstanding  your  description  of  all  the  enchanting  scenery 
that  surrounds  you  ;  because  earth  is  but  earth  still,  and  more 
dangerous  because  enchanting  ;  yet  I  feel  thankful  for  the  hold 
you  have  of  'things  that  are  unseen.'  My  own  experience  at 
this  very  time  makes  me  know,  that  while  ejaculatory  prayer 
through  tlie  day  is  of  great  help — and  is  a  mercy — yet  it  will 
not  make  up  for  the  loss  of  stated  times  of  prayer  ;  because 
it  affords  no  calm  recollections, — no  self-searching, — no  need- 
ful meditation, — and  pouring  out  of  the  inmost  recesses  of  the 
heart,  before  a  throne  of  grace.  On  account  of  my  pain  and 
infirmity — together  with  the  constant  administration  my  wretch- 
ed body  needs, — I  can  now  seldom  be  alone  ;  I  am  not  able  to 
engage,  as  I  used  to  do,  in  sweet  morning  exercises  before  any 
persons  are  stirring:  and  like  you,  I  am  every  day  panting  for 
the  power  to  '  shut  my  doors  about  me.'     I  do  catch,  now  and 


CHAP.  X. — FROM  JAN.  TO  OCT.   16,  1832.  .361 

then,  a  morsel  of  the  living  bread,  in  silent  groanings  ;  but  I 
want  time  and  quiet  for  a  full  banquet;  and  am  sadly  con- 
cerned lest,  from  the  want  of  it,  I  should  become  like  the  dry- 
ground,  where  nothing  is  growing,  If  i  feel  this,  where  there 
is  nothing  to  attract,  to  amuse,  or  to  excite, — how  much  more 
must  you,  my  dear,  who  have  so  much  demand  upon  you. 
Therefore  do  all  you  can  to  get  into  more  abstraction,  and  re- 
collection, and  retirement.  The  example  of  self-denial  might 
do  others  good.  You  need  great  wisdom,  and  simple  piety,  to 
shine  as  a  light. 

"  I  am  much  the  same  as  when  you  left  me,  except  that  I 
am  more  and  more  broken  and  feeble;  and  I  am  more  long- 
ing  to  enter  into  rest.  I  am  greatly  disturbed  also  by  the  sad 
necessity  to  leave,  shortly,  my  nice  apartments  here,  without 
an  idea  in  what  place  1  shall  next  lay  this  poor  body.  This 
is  an  old  trial ;  but  I  never  was  so  unfitted  to  meet  it. 

"  You  will  be  aware  how  much  I  feel  the  departure  of  our 
Bishop.^  He  has  been  to  see  me  twice  since  his  elevation  to 
the  prelacy;  and  is  most  kind.  He  preached  here  twice  on 
Sunday.  May  he  be  kept  from  all  evil,  and  be  blessed  with 
all  goJd !" 

At  Midsummer  Mrs.  Hawkes,  wiih  some  difficulty,  removed 
from  Cross  Street,  to  Park  Street,  Islington:  and  seemed  to 
experience  a  slight  revival  from  the  change.  A  friend  having 
congratulated  her,  about  this  time,  on  her  nearness  to  glory, 
she  replied,  "  Not  very  near;  He  is  not  ready,  and  /am  not 
ready."  At  another  time  she  remarked,  "  I  feel  stripped  of 
every  shred,  and  reduced  to  faith  alone;  but  that  is  enough." 
To  a  friend  who  called  upon  her  in  the  hope  of  profiting  by 
her  conversation,  she  said,  "  I  am  too  weak  to  converse — I 
am  too  weak  to  pray — I  am  too  weak  even  to  think; — but  I 
am  in  the  Ark,  and  all  is  safe."  Writing  to  her  nephew,  Mr. 
E.  T.  Jones,  she  says  : — 

"Again  the  desired  haven  is  not  quite  so  near;  yet  it  is 
within  my  constant  view,  and  I  have  only  to  stand,  ready  for 
the  solemn  signal  to  cross  the  unknown  Jordan  of  death; 
which  faith  in  Christ,  our  blessed  deliverer  from  all  its  horrors, 
can  alone  enable  us  to  look  upon  without  trembling.  After  many 
years  of  expectation,  and  I  trust,  preparation  for  this  solemn 
event,  I  sincerely  feel  that  when  death  has  really  fixed  its 

'  The  Bishop  of  Calcutta. 
31 


362  MEMOIRS    OF    MRS.    HAWKES. 

grasp,  it  opens  to  the  recollected  mind,  about  to  enter  the  eter- 
nal world,  views  and  impressions  which  it  is  not  easy  to  ima- 
gine beforehand.  Therefore,  we  have  need,  my  dearest  Eden, 
to  look  again  and  again,  that  our  house  is  indeed  firmly  built 
on  that  solid  and  blessed  Rock,  which  will  save  us  from  being 
shaken  when  the  storm  ariseth.  Through  infinite  mercy,  1 
am  favoured  with  much  peace  in  my  nearer  approaches  to  the 
grave.  But  '  my  times  are  in  His  hand,'  and  I  trust  for  dying 
grace  in  dying  times.  My  iron  constitution,  as  I  may  call  it, 
seems  now  to  say, — It  is  enough, — and  yields  pretty  fast  to 
the  long  and  large  demands  of  disease,  though  it  still  shows 
signs  of  resistance.  1  am  indeed  a  monument  of  mercy  !  Abun- 
dant in  loving-kindness,  both  as  concerns  my  temporal  and 
spiritual  life,  do  I  daily  experience  that  adorable,  covenant- 
keeping  God,  whose  name  is  '  Emmanuel,  God  with  us  !'  Oh  ! 
that  we  may  live  in  him  daily  and  hourly." 

The  last  effort  of  Mrs.  Hawkes's  own  hand  to  address  a 

friend,  was  in  the  following  note  to  Mr.  B .     The  grateful 

effusions  for  some  recent  lavours  with  which  it  concludes,  are 
omitted  for  the  sake  of  brevity  : — 

"  Park  Street,  Aug.  3,  1832. 
"  My  very  kind  and  dear  Friend, 

"  I  hoped  that  I  could  have  mustered  up  sufficient  strength 
to  have  returned  you,  without  any  delay,  my  best  thanks  for 
your  kind  and  profitable  letter,  which  so  truly  suits  my  mind 
and  feelings  ;  and  which  leads  me  to  hope,  that  such  Christian 
sympathy  and  regard  will  excite  your  constant  and  earnest 
prayers  for  me.  I  comfort  myself  in  the  belief,  that  many 
kind  friends  do  remember  me  at  the  throne  of  grace,  now, 
when  from  a  continual  state  of  exhaustion,  which  seems  little 
short  of  death,  I  cannot  pray  for  myself,  except  in  ejaculations, 
and  broken  utterances.  Yet  if  these  are,  as  I  trust,  those 
«  groanings  of  the  blessed  Spirit  which  cannot  be  uttered,'  they 
shall  not  be  rejected,  though  accompanied  with  many  sad  in- 
firmities,— because  they  are  intrusted  to  that  glorious  Interces- 
sor who  purifies  every  sigh  and  tear  with  the  '  much  incense' 
offered  on  high.  Dying  work  is  hard  work  to  nature;  but  it 
will  not  last  long ;  and  then,  Eye  hath  not  seen,  nor  heart  con- 
ceived, what  shall  be  ihe  wonder  and  joy  of  the  disimprisoned 
spirit,  set  free  from  a  body  of  sin  and  death.  Until  that  favour- 
ed release  shall  be  granted,  and  every  storm  shall  have  passed 
away,  I  would  earnestly  desire,  and  pray,  to  hide  myself  in 


CHAP.  X. — FROM  JAN.  TO  OCT.  16,  1832.       363 

Christ,  my  only  refuge.  Surely  '  the  night  is  far  spent,  and 
the  day  is  at  hand ! '  May  I  be  enabled  to  endure  what  re- 
mains of  the  night  with  cheerful  resignation  to  the  will  of  my 
Father  in  heaven, — who  chastens  me  far  less  than  I  deserve; 
and  mingles  mercy  and  loving-kindness  with  every  sorrow,  so 
that  my  songs  of  praise  and  thanksgiving  far  exceed  my 
moanings." 

The  two  short  prayers  which  follow,  witlen  with  tremulous 
hand  a  little  before  her  death,  were  the  last  attempt  to  express 
her  feelings  on  paper  : — 

*•  Oh,  Thou !  whose  bowels  of  compassion  yearned  over 
Jerusalem,  as  in  that  tender  lamentation,  «  How  often  would  I 
have  gathered  thee,  as  a  hen  gathereth  her  chickens  under  her 
wings,' — let  an  afflicted,  defenceless  one,  who  ever  in  trouble 
flies  to  thee,  abide  beneath  thy  spreading  wings.  Yea,  '  under 
the  shadow  of  thy  wings  will  I  make  my  refuge,  until  all  my 
calamities  be  overpast. ' " 

"  If  Thou,  O  gracious  Saviour,  didst  commend  such  as  had 
visited  thee,  '  sick  and  in  prison,'  with  '  Inasmuch  as  ye  have 
done  it  unto  one  of  the  least  of  these  my  brethren,  ye  have 
done  it  unto  me;  how  much  more  wilt  thou  thyself,  '  whose 
heart  is  made  of  tenderness,'  come  to  a  sick,  oppressed  pri- 
soner,— the  Lord's  prisoner, — who  crieth  unto  thee ;  and  es- 
teems one  drop  of  sweet  balm  from  thee,  more  precious  than 
all  other  healing  medicine.  Come,  O  blessed  Spirit  of  promise, 
bring,  and  seal  some  word  of  Scripture  on  my  heart  and 
memory,  and  it  shall  be  sweeter  than  if  an  angel  spake  !" 

Her  prayer  was  answered  :  there  was  not  much  said  in  that 
chamber  of  death  ;  all  was  solemn;  all  was  silent; — save 
when  the  dying  child  of  Adam  uttered  a  groan  ! — save  when 
the  living  child  of  the  second  Adam  breathed  a  prayer!  but 
there  was  no  one  in  that  sacred  chamber  who  was  not  sensible 
that  '  The  Lord  was  there."  "  The  High  and  Holy  One,  who 
inhabitcth  eternity,"  was  with  this  lowly,  contrite  one,  to  revive 
her  heart  and  spirit.  His  everlasting  arms  were  underneath 
the  sufferer.  All  was  peace  :  and  the  beams  of  the  Sun  of 
Righteousness  were  shining  through  this  chamber  of  death,  for 
all  was  Zoye, — love  to  God,  and  love  to  all  the  saints.  Heaven 
was  drawing  nigh,  and  hope  was  going  forth  to  meet  it;  and 
faith  had  laid  her  soul,  like  a  passive  infant,  in  the  arms  of  her 


364  MEI^IOIRS  OF  3IES.  HAV/KES. 

Saviour,  waiting  and  praying,  (in  the  sentiment  of  those  lines 
used  by  the  Primitive  Church) : 

"  When  I  shall  get  permission 

To  leave  this  mortal  tent, 

(From  pains  and  griefs,  dismission,) 

Thyself  just  then  present; 

And  let  me  when  expiring, 

On  thy  dear  breast  recline ; 

And  be  true  life  acquiring. 

From  that  pierc'd  heart  of  thine !" 

This  soul,  full  of  light  and  love,  was  not,  however,  alto- 
gether silent.  The  feelings  of  gratitude  stirred  up  the  dying 
embers  of  life,  when  nearly  extinct.  Having  received  a  letter 
from  her  valued  friend,  Mr.  Sibthorp,  containing  a  kind  and 
generous  assistance  towards  her  bodily  comforts,  she  called  to 
one  who  was  watching  near  her,  to  write  while  she  dictated, 
her  acknowledgments.  But  recollection  was  nearly  gone ; 
and  from  beginning  to  express  her  sentiments  in  the  fJii?'d  per- 
son, she  occasionally  spake  in  the  Jirst,  making,  from  weak- 
ness, long  intervals  between  each  sentence.  These  intervals 
were  marked  by  dashes  inserted  by  Mrs.  Hawkes's  amanuen- 
sis, while  writing  from  her  lips,  upon  a  rough  paper;  the  sub- 
stance of  which  vv'as  afterwards  copied,  and  introduced  in  the 
following  manner  in  a  letter  to  Mr.  Sibthorp  : — ■ 

"  Rev.  Sir, 

I  had  the  privilege  of  seeing  dear  Mrs.  Hawkes  yesterday, 
and  delivered  to  her  your  letter.  I  found  her  sinking  very 
fast,  greatly  reduced  in  strength,  and  in  a  more  suffering  state 
than  I  ever  saw  her.  She  was  scarcely  able  to  speak,  but  en- 
deavoured to  dictate  a  reply.     Her  words  were  are  follows  ; — 

"  She  wished  me  to  express  to  you,  her  sincere  and  affec- 
tionate thanks  for  your  letter,  and  its  generous  contents, — the 
help  of  which  was  important  to  her; — and  most  of  all,  for  the 

continuance  of  your  friendship. She  has  been,  and  now  is, 

reduced  to  a  state  of  dying  weakness  she  never  felt  before. 

I  have  been  exceedingly  longing  to  write  both  to  yourself  and 
Mrs.  Young ;  but  now  1  am  past  both. In  such  weak- 
ness, it  is  impossible  to  have  fixedness  of  thought;  and  there- 
fore she  is  enable  to  throw  herself  on  the  promises,  and  the 
Promiser  ;  and  her  constant  inward  cry  is, — she  hopes  not 
impatiently, — '  Come,  Lord  Jesus,  come  quickly,  if  it  please 
Thee :' and  feels  repose  in  a  Father's  care  and  love  : 


CHAP.  X. FROM  JAN.  TO  OCT.  16,  1832.       365 

and  the  everlasting  covenant  of  salvation,  '  ordered  in  aJl  things 
and  sure.' She  longs  to  tell  you,  ih3.ld jjing  work,  is  strip- 
ping iDorh  ;  and  that  it  is   not  in  observation,  and  high  flights 

of  spirituality,  but  entirely  hanging  on  the  Saviour; not  in 

erecting  high  standards,  but  lying  at  the  foot  of  the  cross.  Mr. 
Sibthorp  must  pray  for  me; — my  love  to  Mrs.  Young, — ask 
her  prayers  too,  and  every  body's.  My  prayers  will  follow 
them  as  long  as  I  can  breath  one. — You  may  let  him  know 
when  I  am  gone.'  " 

Mrs.  Hawkes  then  dozed  for  a  short  lime;  and  on  re-open- 
ing her  eyes,  and  seeing  her  amanuensis  sitting  as  before,  she 
began  again  to  speak  ;  but  it  was  doubted  whether  the  hints 
dropped  were  not  more  addressed  to  her  friend  then  present, 
than  intended  to  be  inserted  in  her  letter.  Her  words  were, 
however,  written  down  as  follows  :— 

"  Make  more  acquaintance  with  Him,  (God)  and  then  you 
will  hang  upon  him  more.  Do  not  puzzle  yourself  about  your 
dispensation,  but  cleave  to  Him.  Give  me  a  sweet  touch  of 
drawing  to  Him, — and  to  say,  God  is  my  God,  and  hiding 
place. Wash  me  from  all  self-righteousness  ; — from  all  no- 
tions that  there  has  been  any  thing  in  me  but  wretchedness  and 
sin.  Oh,  I  had  not  a  shred  left; — Oh,  not  a  shred. — 1  look 
back  on  my  long  life,  and  see  much  self-righteousness  ; — I  have 
thought  better  of  myself  than  I  ought  to  think; — but  now  1 
think  only  of  my  Saviour.  I  had  an  extraordinary  dispensa- 
tion : 1  believe  my  faith  has  been  right  faith  : Satan  has 

been  permitted  to  thrust  at  me  : but  I  trust  1  am  able  to  say, 

*  in  very  faithfulness  and  righteousness.  He  does  it  all.'  And 
now  I  cast  it  (self-righteousness)  all  away — I  cast  myself  on 

Him.     Take  me, as  I  am  ; make  me  as  thou  art ; 

and  if  it  may  please  Him  to  give  me  strength  to  endure." 

At  these  words,  a  faintness  came  on,  which  was  followed  by 
a  doze;   and  she  added  no  more  at  that  time. 

The  parting  spirit  had  a  long  and  difficult  struggle  to  get  free. 
Her  "  iron  constitution,"  as  she  termed  it,  made  a  natural  re- 
sistance to  death,  as  it  had  kept  up  a  long  fight  with  disease. 
The  result  of  this  conflict  shows,  how  little  can  be  gathered 
from  the  mere  circumstance  of  what  is  called  "  dying  easy;" 
one  condition  alone  is  required  for  a  safe  and  peaceful  depar- 
ture,— "For  thou  art  with  me."  Psalm  xxiii.  4. 

On  Sunday,  Oct.  14,  she  expressed  that  she  was  suffering 
*'31 


366  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

<'  great  pain," — "all  over," — "  shaken  to  death."  But  at  the 
same  time,  she  was  perfectly  conscious, — of  which  there  were 
many  proofs.  That  night,  her  nephew,  Mr.  Thomas  Eden, 
(who  had  for  some  time  been  one  of  her  kind  medical  attend- 
ants,) sat  up  with  her,  thinking  she  was  very  near  death.  On 
Monday,  the  pain,  "  all  over,"  as  she  said,  increased  most 
dreadfully  ;  so  that  her  screams  and  moans  were  distressing, 
and  the  tossing  of  her  arms  was  violent  and  incessant.  She 
still  however  knew  every  body, — looked  at  each  with  signs  of 
clear  recognition,  and  called  them  by  name.  Besides  great 
pain,  the  shaldng  of  her  frame  was  violent,  so  that  persons 
were  obliged  to  sit  on  each  side,  to  hold  down  her  arms  with 
pillows.  Her  medical  attendant  made  the  remark, — that  there 
was  not  a  muscle  or  tendon  exempt  from  agitation.  About 
twelve,  on  Monday  night,  the  violent  pain  seemed  in  some 
measure  to  abate.  On  Tuesday,  her  eyes  appeared  more  fixed  ; 
yet  she  still  recognized,  and  cast  an  expressive  look,  first  on 
one,  and  then  on  another.  In  turning  her  head,  she  acciden- 
tally caught  sight  of  a  portrait  of  the  Bishop  of  Calcutta,  and 
said,  "Dear  Bishop  !" — which  proved  that  she  was  still  able 
to  distinguish  objects.  Afterwards  a  stupor  came  on,  and  she 
seemed  to  lose  sensibility  to  every  thing.  Her  frame  became 
more  quiet, and  she  lay  JDreathing  less  and  less  strongly.  About 
three  o'clock  in  the  afternoon,  the  Rev.  Dr.  Fearon  came  in, 
and  seeing  her  in  the  act  of  departure,  he  immediately  knelt 
down,  and  said,  "  Let  us  commend  her  spirit," — and  shortly 
after,  it  was  perceived  that  she  had  ceased  to  breathe. 

On  Tuesday,  Oct.  16,  1832,  a  few  hours  after  the  deliver- 
ance of  her  immortal  spirit,  a  post-morte?n  examination  took 
place  by  Mr.  Bateman  :  Mr.  Hensley,  her  constant  attendant 
and  intimate  friend,  Dr.  Bright, — and  other  medical  gentlemen 
— being  present.  The  result  proved,  that  in  addition  to  can- 
cerous and  calculus  complaints,  Mrs.  Hawkes  was  the  subject 
of  several  very  painful  diseases  ;  and  on  the  question  being  put 
by  one,  "  What  did  she  die  of?"  It  was  replied,  "  Can  you 
see  all  this  mass  of  disease,  and  ask  what  she  died  of?  She 
was  worn  out  with  bearing  a  complication  of  diseases." 

On  the  Tuesday  following  her  death,  she  was  interred  in  the 
family  vault  of  her  relative,  George  Milvvard,  Esq.,  in  the 
burial  ground  of  Pentonville  Chapel.  Her  funeral  service  was 
performed  by  the  Rev.  William  Cecil,  who  came  up  to  town  to 
pay  this  last  tribute  of  respect  to  the  memory  of  a  friend  of  his 
earliest  years.  On  one  side  of  the  vault  was  placed  the  fol- 
lowing inscription  : — 


CHAP.  X FROM  JAN.  TO  OCT.  16,  1832.       367 

Sacreti  to  tijc  l^cmorn' 

OF 

MRS.   SARAH    HAVVKES, 

WHO  depahted  this  life 
OCT.  ]G,  1832,  AGED  73  YEARS. 

*'  Whose  faith  folloiv" 

Hebrews  xiii.  7. 

Her  funeral  sermon-  was  preached  at  the  parish  church  of 
St.  Mary's,  Islington,  by  the  Rev.  H.  Francis  Fell,  from  Psalm 
cxix.  75.  "  I  know,  O  Lord,  that  thy  judgments  are  rio-ht, 
and  that  thou  in  faithfulness  hast  afflicted  me  :  " — a  text  which 
she  herself  had  chosen. 

If,  by  the  light  of  faith,  such  an  estimate  could  be  made  of 
afflictive  providences,  during  the  days  of  darkness  and  suffer- 
ing here  below  ; — what  will  that  estimate  be,  which  the  believer 
shall  be  enabled  to  make,  when  admitted  to  the  light  of  glory 
and  to  the  vision  of  God  ! 

A  circumstance  of  interest  in  relation  to  Mrs.  Hawkes's 
spiritual  experience,  is  mentioned  by  Mr.  Fell,  in  her  funeral 
sermon  ;  in  which  he  speaks  as  follows: — 

"  It  has  been  my  comfort,  my  privilege,  and  my  joy — I  may 
add,  my  honour — to  visit  Mrs.  Hawkcs  from  the  commence- 
ment of  my  residence  at  Islington  ;  and,  with  only  one  excep- 
tion, I  have  invariably  found  her  '  patient  in  tribulation,  rejoic- 
ing in  hope,  giving  glory  to  God  ; '  smarting  indeed  under  a 
rod  of  bodily  suffering,  which  I  can  only  describe  as  a  constant 
martyrdom,  but  '  gloryfying  God  in  the  fires.'  From  this 
very  exception  we  may  learn  her  marvellous  submissiveness, 
wrought  of  God's  Spirit;  while  it  shews,  that  if  for  one  mo- 
ment we  are  left  to  ourselves,  we  become  the  prey  of  Satan's 
artifices,  and  human  weakness.  I  have  made  one  exception, 
and  will  state  to  you,  in  all  simplicity,  with  a  view  to  your 
spiritual  improvement,  when  and  how  it  happened.  Our  "dear 
friend,  I  may  say,  has  been  dying  for  years  :  but  for  two 
months  past,  it  has  been  apparent  to  those  who  affectionately 
watched  over  her,  that  the  days  of  her  earthly  pilgrimage 
could  be  only  very  k\v.  On  Sunday,  the  23d  of  September, 
(1832)  I  received  a  message  requesting  a  visit  from  me,  and 
after  the  services  of  the  sanctuary  were  ended,  I  hastened  to 


368  MEilOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

her  sick  chamber.  To  my  grief,  and  surprise,  I  found  her 
mind  bowed  down  to  the  very  depths  of  painful  disquietude, 
unable  to  realize  the  presence  of  her  Saviour,  and  harassed 
with  the  fiery  darts  of  the  great  enemy,  who  would  have  per- 
suaded her  that  she  had  no  interest  in  the  death  and  passion  of 
our  adorable  Redeemer.  Thanks  be  unto  God  for  his  gracious 
help:  his  ministers  are  workers  together  with  him,  and  the 
weapons  which  they  use  'are  not  carnal,  but  mighty  through 
God  to  the  casting  down  imaginations,  and  every  high  thing 
which  exalteth  itself  against  the  knowledge  of  God.'  In  this 
case,  as  in  innumerable  others,  the  Sword  of  the  Spirit,  which 
is  the  word  of  God,  carried  home  the  truth  to  the  heart  by  the 
arm  of  Omnipotence,  and  prevailed.  Satan  was  bruised  un- 
der her  feet — the  temptation  vanished  before  the  bright  beams 
of  the  Sun  of  Righteousness :  and  though  much  of  her  state  at 
that  period  might  be  charged  on  bodily  debility,  and  feebleness 
of  mind,  yet  it  is  highly  consolatory  to  know,  that  faith  in 
God's  covenant,  and  faith  in  God's  character,  can  enable  the 
child  in  years,  and  the  aged  pilgrim,  to  triumph  over  every 
enemy;  to  'thresh  the  mountains'  of  affliction,  and  to  beat 
them  as  small  as  the  dust  beneath  the  feet. 

"From  the  very  next  day,  if  not  that  san)e  night,  she  was 
ao-ain  enabled  to  cast  all  her  care  upon  Him  who  cared  for  her; 
and  never  afterwards,  that  1  am  aware,  was  she  permitted  to 
doubt  the  goodness  of  the  Saviour  to  herself  personally."^ 

This,  however,  was  only  a  passing  cloud,  at  the  dawn  of 
a  glorious  day,  to  which  no  night  should  succeed!  To  a  real 
Christian,  even  the  tomb  is  no  longer  darksome,  but  may  be 
compared  to  the  bridal  chamber.  Christ,  by  lying  in  the 
grave,  has  made  it,  to  his  people,  a  bed  of  spices.  "  They 
shall  rest  in  their  beds,  each  one  walking  in  his  uprightness." 
Isa.  Ivii.  2.  "  Blessed  are  they  that  are  called  to  the  marriage 
supper  of  the  Lamb."  Rev.  xix.  9.  For  "they  shall  see  his 
face,  and  His  name  shall  bo  in  their  foreheads,  and  they  need 
no  candle,  neither  light  of  the  sun  ;  for  the  Lord  God  giveth 
them  light ;  and  they  shall  reign  for  ever  and  ever."  Rev.  xxii. 
4,5.  "  For  the  Lamb  which  is  in  the  midst  of  the  throne  shall 
feed  them,  and  shall  lead  them  unto  living  fountains  of  waters  : 
and  God  shall  wipe  all  tears  from  their  eyes."  Rev.  vii.  17. 


» Fell's  Sermons,  page  265, 


CHAPTER  Xr. 
CONCLUDING  REMARKS. 

In  bringing  this  Memoir  to  a  close,  it  may  be  useful  and  inter- 
esting to  take  a  review, — First,  of  Mrs.  Hawkes's  character, 
Natural,  Moral,  and  Religious  ; — Secondly,  of  her  Af- 
flictions ; — and, —  Thirdly,  endeavour  to  derive  Instruction 
from  the  whole. 

In  considering  Mrs.  Hawkes's  Natural  Character,  no 
attempt  will  be  made  to  exalt  the  creature,  but  simply  to  bring 
forward  those  distinguished  qualities,  with  which  it  had  pleased 
God  to  endow  her.  In  doing  this,  some  difficulty  will  arise ; 
— because,  as  in  natural  beauty, — though  the  first  glance 
makes  us  sensible  of  its  presence — it  is  more  easy  to  appre- 
hend than  to  describe  that  symmetry;  so  in  the  endowments 
and  qualities  of  the  mind,  there  may  be  a  certain  beautiful 
combmation  and  proportion,  which  though  obviously  marked, 
cannot  easily  be  delineated.  In  Mrs.  Hawkes's  natural  char- 
acter, there  was  manifested,  a  singular  comprehensiveness  of 
mind  : — a  judgment  and  practical  wisdom  which  were  of  the 
highest  order; — a  remarkable  quickness  and  delicacy  of  feel- 
ing;— a  cordial  and  affectionate  sympathy;  an  interesting  vi- 
vacity;— a  tender  and  contemplative  seriousness, — united  in  a 
harmonious  proportion,  which  it  is  less  easy  to  conceive  of  ab- 
stractedly, than  to  apprehend  when  seen.  She  was  like  a 
well-tuned  instrument,  answering  immediately  to  the  touch — 
whatever  might  bo  tha  strain  desired.  Her  sweet  social  tem- 
per was  formed  for  friendship;  and  in  the  exercise  of  benevo- 
lent and  affectionate  feelings,  she  seemed  to  move  as  in  her 
native  element.  Though  extremely  susceptible  of  grief,  she 
was  a  most  cheerful  and  interesting  companion,  both  to  the  old 
and  to  the  young; — to  the  latter  slie  was  singularly  attached. 
The  cast  of  her  mind  was  contemplative;  and  after  her  con- 
versation, this  faculty  found  the  highest  and  noblest  exercise 
in  exploring  the  riches  of  Divine  revelation.  In  conversation 
she  was  peculiarly  gifted  ;  but,  from  delicacy  of  feeling,  and  a 
natural  fear  of  obtrusiveness,  she  was  the  reverse  of  a  great 
talker:  and  when  in  company  with  persons  of  eminence,  her 
remarks  were  chiefly  in  the  form  of  questions,  by  which  she 


370  ME3I0IRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

had  a  happy  facility  of  drawing  forth  the  knowledge  and  ex- 
perience of  others.  It  will  not  therefore  appear  surprising, 
that  her  society,  was  much  desired  by  all  who  knew  her. — 
Her  manners,  though  simple,  were  a  little  under  restraint  with 
those  towards  whom  she  felt  deference ;  which  arose,  not  from 
any  degree  of  mean  servility,  but  from  great  sensitiveness,  and 
correctness  of  feeling.  To  her  inferiors  she  was  always  be- 
nevolent and  condescending.  Nor  must  the  great  generosity 
of  her  disposition  be  overlooked.  Largeness  of  heart  was 
manifested  by  the  manner  of  doing  "  what  she  could,"  after 
her  circumstances  became  reduced.  The  shades  of  her  natu- 
ral character  were, — a  high  and  independent  spirit,  inclined  to 
resistance;  a  keen  sense  of  injuries,  as  well  as  a  lively  per- 
ception of  kindness; — a  sensibility  which  was  too  easily  wound- 
ed :  hence,  in  early  life,  her  peace  was  often  broken  through 
excess  of  feeling;  Flavel  remarks, — "a  strong  affection  makes 
a  strong  affliction.'^'' — She  was  timid  in  an  extraordinary  de- 
gree ;  and  from  a  kind  of  nervous  apprehensiveness,  she 
was  led  sometimes  to  magnify  evils  in  advance,  though  there 
was  a  natural  fortitude,  which  sustained  them  with  magnanim- 
ity, when  in  actual  encounter.  In  person,  she  was  of  a  pleas- 
ing figure,  and  good  stature;  and,  before  her  disease,  inclined 
to  be  slender.  Her  complexion  was  brown,  with  a  fixed  co- 
lour in  her  cheeks.  Her  eyes  were  a  fine  dark  hazel,  expres- 
sive of  tenderness,  intellect,  and  sweetness.  Her  whole  coun- 
tenance beamed  with  benevolence  and  sympathy. 

In  reference  to  Mrs.  Hawkes's  character  in  a  Moral  point 
of  view,  we  may  remark  that  it  was  of  an  elevated  stamp. — 
Even  before  her  conversion,  she  manifested  in  her  inter- 
course with  others,  a  strong  sense  of  propriety — great  integri- 
ty— sincerity — ingenuousness.  Her  high  moral  sense  was  a 
special  preservative  during  her  career  of  worldliness  and  van- 
ity ; — of  which  various  proofs  might  be  advanced.  There  was 
a  certain  harmony  between  her  natural  and  moral  character, 
which  gave  a  lustre  to  both;  and  when  each  was  improved 
by  Divine  grace,  her  natural,  moral,  and  religious  character 
blended  like  the  fine  colours  of  a  prism.  In  thus  setting  forth 
the  elevated  stamp  of  her  character  in  a  moral  point  of  view, 
there  is  no  danger  of  conveying  a  false  impression,  as  though 
it  could  not  consist  with  that  natural  depravity^  of  which  she 
was  so  deeply  sensible  after  her  conversion  ;  and  which  she  so 
constantly  deplored  in  all  her  writings — whether  epistolary  or 
private.  The  high  moral  character  of  St.  Paul  is  made  to 
stand  out  on  the  canvass,  in  order  the  more  to  call  our  alten- 


CONCLUDING  REMARKS.  371 

tion  to  the  truth,  that  all  this  is  consistent  with  the  existence  of 
pride  of  hearty  and  enmity  to  God  ;  with  self-will,  and  an 
unrenewed  mind: — nay,  even  with  the  very  spirit  of  persecu- 
tion. If  there  has  been  no  change  of  heart,  no  work  of  the 
Holy  Spirit,  moral  virtues  do  but  resemble  the  green  moss, 
sparkling  with  early  dew,  adorning  a  dead  trunk  which  will 
soon  become  fuel  for  the  fire. 

While,  however,  guarding  the  moral  virtues  from  assuming 
a  place  which  they  cannot  occupy,  let  it  not  be  once  imagined, 
that  it  is  intended  to  advance  any  thing  subversive  of  their  real 
importance.  Mr.  Cecil  has  remarked,  "  Morality  should  never 
be  under-valued,  or  spoken  lightly  of  by  any  one; — for  what 
is  man  without  it?  It  is  essential  to  Christianity,  But  if  it  is 
put  in  the  place  of  Christ,  if  it  set  aside  the  blood  and  spirit 
of  Jesus, — it  then  becomes  an  opposer.  Let  Plato,  Socrates, 
Confucius,  and  others  be  honoured  because  they  were  diligent 
men,  doing  their  best  by  the  light  of  a  dim  taper.  But  who 
is  he  that  when  the  Sun  of  Righteousness  has  arisen,  will  still 
prefer  the  dim  taper — the  glimmering  rushlight — and  say,  it 
is  better  than  the  light  of  the  Sun  1"  Indeed  such  is  the  con- 
nexion between  one  part  of  Divine  truth  and  another,  that  those 
who  have  the  justest  and  largest  views  of  Gospel  grace,  are 
able  to  form  the  most  exact  and  extensive  estimate  of  moral 
duty, — and  are  actuated  by  the  highest  motives  to  an  exem- 
plary life  and  conversation.  Whatever  might  be  the  elevation 
of  Mrs.  Hawkes's  moral  character  before  her  conversion,  the 
doctrines  she  embraced  had  a  tendency  to  raise  it  far  higher 
— because  extending  to  the  motives  and  inmost  thoughts  of 
the  heart.  The  Christian  is  "called  with  a  holy  calling ;"  he 
is  bid  to  seek  morality  of  the  highest  order,  in  the  command, 
"Be  ye  holy,  for  I  am  holy  ;"  and  he  who  from  a  constant 
study  of  the  of  divine  perfections,  especially  as  they  shine  in 
the  person  of  Jesus  Christ, — together  with  diligent  prayer  for 
the  influences  of  the  Holy  Spirit, — seeks  the  renewal  of  God's 
image  on  his  soul,  shall  be  made  a  "  partaker  of  the  Divine 
nature,"  and  at  length  obtain  a  place  in  the  "  general  assem- 
bly, among  the  spirits  of  just  men  made  perfect.'^ 

With  regard  more  particularly  to  Mrs.  Hawkes's  Religious 
character,  we  may  remark,  first,  that  her  religion  was  the  re- 
ligion of  a  sinner.  "  I  have  heard  of  Thee  by  the  hearing  of 
the  ear," — said  Job,  the  perfect  and  upright  man, — "  but  now 
mine  eye  seeth  Thee."  He  does  not  say,  therefore  I  am  all  ex- 
ultation ;  but — "  therefore  I  abhor  myself,  and  repent  in  dust 
and  ashes."     The  holy  angels  veil  their  faces  before  the  Divine 


372  MEMOIRS  OP  MRS.  HAV/Kt^.K. 

Majesty,  and  cast  their  crowns  before  him,  as  creatures.  But 
how  much  lower  should  man,  who  is  a  sinner,  fall  before  Him  ! 
And  as  it  is  of  the  nature  of  genuine  holiness  to  give  a  deep- 
ening  and  increasing  knowledge  of  sin,  so  we  need  not  won- 
der that  the  nearer  Mrs.  Hawkes  drew  towards  her  end,  and 
the  closer  her  communion  with  God,  the  more  did  she  multiply 
expressions  of  her  deep  self-abasement  and  unworthiness. 
Throughout  the  whole  of  her  religious  experience  there  may 
be  marked  that  humble  and  contrite  spirit,  with  which  it  has 
pleased  God  to  say  he  would  "  dwell."  This  gracious  temper 
of  soul  she  sought,  and  cherished,  even  to  her  dying  hour. 
We  have  seen  the  humility,  love,  and  adoration,  with  which 
her  soul  was  filled  as  she  drew  near  the  end  of  her  course, — 
inferior  only  in  degree  to  that  of  the  sairits  above. 

VVe  may  observe,  secondly,  that  her  religion  was  one  tchich 
led  her  to  embrace  tkankfidly,  all  the  proposals  and  promises 
made  to  sinners,  in  the  Gospel  of  Christ.  She  did  not  stand 
at  a  distance,  saying,  ^'I  knew  Thee  that  Thou  art  an  hard 
man,  reaping  where  thou  hast  not  sown,  and  gathering  where 
thou  hast  no"  strawed  ;  "  but  her  acceptance  of  the  Gospel,  in 
all  its  fulness  and  freeness,  put  honour  upon  the  truth  and 
faithfulness  of  God  ;  while  the  obedience  of  her  faith  gave  Him 
glory.  And  He  whose  word  cannot  fail,  though  heaven  and 
earth  should  pass,  fulfilled  in  her  "  all  the  good  pleasure  of  his 
goodness,  and  the  work  of  faith  with  power."  In  old  age  she 
was  found  lying  down  among  the  promises,  and  filled  with  love 
to  God,  which  is  the  very  element  of  heaven. 

Thirdly,— Her  religion  was  strictly  founded  on  the  Holy 
Scriptures.  Her  theology  was  not  derived  from  notions  of 
her  own,  or  of  others.  It  was  the  result  of  marking,  learning, 
and  inwardly  digesting,  the  word  of  God.  There  she  found, 
in  grand  characters,  the  doctrine  of  a  Crucified  Saviour,  as 
the  chief  corner-stone  on  which  to  build  her  faith  ;  in  connexion 
with  this,  and  inseparable  from  it, — the  doctrines  of  Repent- 
ance, Faith,  and  Love :  there  she  learned  to  "  hold  fast  the 
form  of  sound  v/ords,"  and  to  "  beware  lest  any  man  should 
spoil  her  through  philosophy  and  vain  deceit."  There  she 
learned  to  fear  the  "  new  speculations  and  subtle  novel  no- 
tions," which  she  considered  were  "  casting  a  dimness  over  the 
good  old  paths,  wherein  alone  it  is  safe  to  walk ;"  (see  page 
346.)  For  God  had  given  to  her  "the  Spirit  of  power  and 
of  love,  and  of  a  sow/2f/ wir?<i." 

Fourthly, — Her  religion  was  operative.  It  must  be  obvious 
to  every  one,  that  she  was  an  industrious  and  a  laborious 


CONCLUDING    RE3IARKS.  373 

Christian.  Her  constant  remark  was,  "  Every  living  being  is 
sent  into  this  world  to  labour,  not  to  rest:  to  fill  u\)  their  sta- 
tion, and  then  leave  it  to  give  in  their  account."  Having  "five 
talents,"  she  "  gained  also  five  talents  more."  How  did  she 
labour  to  treasure  up  sermons,  conversations,  &c. — How  did 
she  value,  and  attend,  means  of  grace; — how  did  she  seek  the 
company  of  the  wise  and  godly, — what  "carefulness"  did  she 
manifest  in  the  duties  of  repentance,  self-examination,  and 
prayer; — and  how  did  she  show  "the  same  diligence  to  the 
end  ;  even  under  the  pressure  of  the  heaviest  weights  and  in- 
cumbrances ! 

Fifthly, — As  an  additional  proof  of  the  genuine  nature  of  her 
religion,  It  was  progressive.  "A  Christian,"  says  Mr.  Cecil, 
"  is  an  increasing  light.  A  meteor,  or  a  blazing  star  may 
strike  the  eyes  of  the  multitude, — but  before  they  can  well 
look  upon  it,  it  is  gone.  But  the  Christian  is  like  the  sun, 
which  though  it  may  rise  in  a  mist,  and  its  beams  at  first 
scarcely  appear,  yet  continues  to  rise  higher  and  higher, — 
taking  a  wider  circle, — and  shining  stronger  and  brighter  unto 
the  perfect  day." 

The  Gospel  seed  had  fallen  on  "  good  ground,"  and  it 
brought  forth  "  an  hundred-fold."  This  progress  may  be 
noticed  as  standing  in  connexion  with  the  most  vigorous  and 
persevering  use  of  means,  and  according  to  the  promises  of 
spiritual  improvement  which  are  all  made  to  spiritual  dili- 
gence— as  the  reward  of  grace  and  not  of  merit;  because  we 
must  ever  bear  in  mind,  that  diligence  itself  is  the  result  of 
Divine  grace,  and  not  found  in  an  unrenewed  human  heart. 
Still  the  promise  is,  "  To  him  that  hath  shall  be  given,  and  he 
shall  have  abundance."  He  shall  behold  the  connexion  of  all 
moral  duties  with  the  moral  perfections  of  God  ;  and  shall  go 
on  roceivincj  "  grace  after  srace,"  till  he  arrives  at  "  the 
measure  of  the  stature  of  the  fulness  of  Christ !  " 

II.  It  will  be  useful  to  mark  that  School  of  Affliction  in 
which  this  true  disciple  of  Christ  was  trained.  There  was  one 
character  distinguished  in  Scripture  as  a  "  child  of  sorrow," 
and  this  circumstance  together  with  his  "calling  on  the  God 
of  Israel,"  is  all  we  know  of  him  who  "  was  more  honourable 
than  his  brethren."  While  we  examine  the  cup  of  sulfering, 
which  has  been  dispensed,  by  the  Master  at  his  table,  to  any 
one  whom  he  has  "  chosen  in  the  furnace  of  afiliction," — we 
should  learn  to  honour  him  that  drinketh  ;  and  with  much  ten- 
derness and  caution  enter  into  the  enquiry, — how  far  a  wise 
and  gracious  Father  may  have  appointed  the  cup,  as  a  Sove- 
32 


374  MEMOIRS  OF  MRS.  HAWKES. 

reign,  giving  no  account  of  his  matters  : — and  how  far  He  has 
chosen  to  make  manifest  the  natural  consequences  of  sin,  work- 
ing death. 

There  was  One,  and  One  only,  who  drank  up  "  the  dregs 
of  the  cup  of  trembling,"  though  He  was  "  without  sin."  In 
the  cup  of  every  child  of  Adam,  there  is  a  mixture  which  sin 
hath  infused.  "We  are  apt,"  says  Mr.  Cecil,  "  to  talk  o{  in- 
jirmity  when  we  should  talk  of  guilt,''''  "  I  will  bear  the  in- 
dignation of  the  Lord,  because  I  have  sinned  against  Him." 

Without  undertaking  to  form  a  further  judgment,  we  can- 
not but  remark  in  reviewing  Mrs.  Hawkes's  history,  that  her 
troubles  began  from  the  period  of  her  making  a  voluntary 
launch  into  the  world.  Her  painful  experience  cannot  indeed 
be  traced  to  any  deficiency  in  filling  up  relative  duties  ;  for  she 
was  most  exemplary  both  as  a  wife,  and  as  the  mistress  of  a 
family.  Yet  this  case  illustrates  the  consequences  of  taking 
the  first  step  in  life  unguardedly.  It  will  not  be  considered  a 
sufficient  answer,  that  Mrs.  Hawkes,  at  the  time  of  her  mar- 
riage, was  herself  an  unconverted  character; — because  her 
early  privileges  and  strictly  religious  education,  involved  cer- 
tain obligations.  Mrs.  Hawkes  could  not  but  be  sensible  of 
the  inconsistency  of  her  conduct  with  those  obligations ;  and 
of  the  hazard  she  incurred  in  giving  such  a  pledge  to  the  ir- 
religious world.     (See  2  Chron.  xix.  2.) 

Perhaps  we  shall  be  able  to  take  a  more  just  view  of  this 
important  subject,  if  we  trace  the  action  to  its  source  ;  and  in 
so  doing,  some  hints  may  be  suggested  for  the  consideration  of 
the  young. 

A  young  person  who  has  been  blessed  by  Providence  with 
eminently  pious  parents,  has  been  early  "  planted  in  the  house 
of  the  Lord ; "  and  the  church  is  compared  to  "  a  garden  en- 
closed." Such  a  one,  growing  up  with  a  right  mind,  will  be 
deeply  sensible  of  this  high  privilege,  and  will  deprecate  the 
idea  of  being  cast  out  into  the  world,  which  may  be  compared 
to  "a  waste  howling  wilderness,"  and  thus  exposed  to  all  the 
temptations  and  dangers  of  that  unprotected  situation.  (See  Ps. 
Ixxx.  12,  13.)  A  wise  young  person  would  not  desire  even 
to  look  towards  the  wilderness ; — much  less  taste  of  its  crude 
fruits,  or  venture  to  make  experiment  of  its  dangerous  and 
poisonous  plants.  But  too  many  young  persons  think,  that  in 
this  they  are  left  at  liberty  to  make  a  choice.  They  say, 
"  We  are  not  yet  decided." — Not  decided  !  When  God  has 
already  decided /br  you,  by  planting  you  in  his  Church! 
(Compare  Jer.  ii.  21,  with  Ezek.  xix.  i3,  and  Isa.  xliii.  1.) 


CONCLUDING    RE3IARKS.  375 

This  plea  is  most  unreasonable.  "  Not  decided  !  "  when  the 
decision  rests  between  the  service  of  God  and  of  Satan  !  "  Not 
decided  !  "  when  the  stake  is  between  heaven  and  hell !  "  Oh, 
but  we  hope  soon  to  decide  in  favour  of  religion." — This  plea 
is  presumptuous  : 

"  Where  is  to-morrow  ?  in  another  world  !  " 

O  delay  not !  The  parable  of  the  ten  virgins  is  set  before  us 
as  an  instructive  warning — "  And  while  they  went  to  buy,  the 
Bridegroom  came."  "  But,"  say  some,  "  We  do  not  wish  to 
make  a  profession,  lest  we  should  dishonour  it."  So  said  Mrs. 
Hawdies  in  the  days  of  her  vanity.  And  many  delude  them- 
selves with  this  saying,  as  though  it  resulted  from  a  conscien- 
tious principle.  But  it  is,  on  the  contrary,  a  great  sin  to  make 
no  profession  of  religion.  It  is  to  omit  a  duty  absolutely  re- 
quired in  Scripture,  "  If  thou  shall  confess  with  thy  mouth  the 
Lord  Jesus,  thou  shalt  be  saved."  Rom.  x.  9.  And  so  im- 
portant was  this  considered  by  God  in  the  case  of  the  Jewish 
Church,  that  he  ordained  an  outward  and  visible  sign  to  be  at- 
tached to  their  garments.  See  Numb.  xv.  37 — 40.  Moreover, 
this  reason,  if  sincerely  alledged,  proves  great  ignorance  of  the 
nature  of  true  religion,  which  never  supposes  any  power  in 
man  to  act  consistently  without  the  constant  help  of  the  Holy 
Spirit, — whose  influences  are  promised  to  those  who  ask  them. 
It  also  shows  great  pride  of  heart, — less  fear  of  living  in  open 
rebellion  against  God,  than  of  incurring  the  reproach  of  man. 
But  generally,  such  reasons  are  urged  in  the  spirit  of  those 
who  "  began  with  one  consent  to  make  excuse."  The  com- 
mand given  by  God  to  the  children  of  Christian  parents,  con- 
tains both  a  direction  and  a  promise:  "My  son,  keep  thy 
father's  commandment,  and  forsake  not  the  law  of  thy  mother  ; 
bind  them  continually  upon  thine  heart,  and  tie  them  about  thy 
neck.  When  thou  goest,  it  shall  lead  thee  ;  when  thou  slcep- 
est  it  shall  keep  thee;  and  when  thou  awakest,  it  shall  talk 
with  thee.  For  the  commandment  is  a  lamp;  and  the  law  is 
light  ;  and  reproofs  of  instruction  are  the  way  of  life.''''  Prov. 
vi.  20—23. 

Mrs.  Hawkes  has  often  remarked  to  the  writer,  that  the  grief 
she  occasioned  to  her  mother  by  neglect  of  her  pious  counsels, 
weighed  heavily  on  her  own  heart  all  through  life,  and  even 
to  old  age.  She  did  not  give  proper  heed  to  the  command- 
ment which  was  to  be  her  lamp — she  chose  to  "  walk  in  the 
sight  of  her  eyes,  and  in  the  imngination  of  her  heart ;  "  and 
the  reproofs  of  instruction  she  disregarded  : — was  it  not  then 
to  be  expected  that  she  should  be  left  to"  stumble  on  the  dark 


376 


ME3I0IES  OF  MKS.   IIAWKES. 


mountains,"  and  that  her  own  ways  should  be  made  to  reprove 
her?  Jer.  ii.  19.  It  must  indeed  be  acknowledged,  that  there 
was  in  her  cup  an  accumulation  of  temporal  sorrows,  greater 
than  what  is  ordinary  in  such  cases  :  while  through  Sovereign 
mercy,  she  was  preserved  from  that  deep  spiritual  loss  which 
in  such  a  course  she  had  too  much  reason  to  fear. 

Oh,  that  all  young  persons  would  seriously  consider  the  ob- 
ligations under  which  they  lie  to  pious  parents,  and  that  they 
would   close  in   at  once  with  the  offers  of  their  best  Friend  ! 
May  He  never  have  occasion  to  say  to  any  one  w  ho  reads  these 
lines,  "O  that  thou  hadst  hearkened  unto  my  commandments  ! 
then  had  thy  peace  been  like  a  river,  and  thy  righteousness  as 
the  waves  of  the  sea."  Isa.  xlviii.  18.     Or  in  the  words  of  that 
tender  and  pathetic  exclamation  of  our  Saviour,  Matt,  xxiii.  27. 
"  How  oft  would  I  have  gathered  thee,  as  a  hen  gathcreth  her 
chickens  under  her  wings,  and  ye  would  not  !  "     Oh,  what  a 
cruel  loss  to  your  own  souls!     What  opportunities  lost  of  glo 
rifying  God,  and  of  promoting  the  salvation  of  others!     Oh 
that  each  would  earnestly  enquire,  Where  shall  I  be  hid  when 
the  storm  ariseth?  and  be  led  to  seek  shelter,  before  its  ap 
proach,  in  that  Saviour  who  "gathers  the  lambs  with  his  arm 
and  carries  them  in  his  bosom."  Is.  xl.  11. 

III. — In  endeavouring  to  derive  Instruction  from  the  whole 
we  may  notice  first,  the  evidence  in  favour  of  true  and  vital  re 
ligion,  furnished  by  such  a  life  as  that  of  Mrs.  Hawkes. 

In  order  to  enter  into  the  design  of  Christianity,  we  should 
not  only  observe  its  doctrines^  but  its  principles,  and  precepts, 
and  in  what  way  they  are  brought  into  exercise.  We  should 
mark  how  they  support  under  trouble,  and  direct  in  difficulties. 
The  manner  in  which  St.  Paul  speaks  when  in  bonds,  is  an 
argument  in  favour  of  Christianity.  To  be  able  to  meet  every 
emergency  of  life  with  firmness,  resignation,  and  cheerfulness; 
to  be  able  to  look  death  in  the  face, — and  that,  upon  substan- 
tial grounds,  because  Christ  took  hold  of  our  nature,  Heb.  ii. 
14;  John  viii.  24: — to  be  able  to  exercise  a  holy  familiarity 
with  God  in  Christ,  as  a  sure  refuge;  this  is  Christianity. 
Nothing  but  Christianity  brings  God  and  man  together;  every 
other  religion  talks  of  him  as  at  a  distance.  This  is  the  grand 
secret  of  a  Christian,  that  there  is  a  communication  open  be- 
tween God  and  his  soul.  Viewed,  and  rested  in  without  a  re- 
ference to  their  Author,  what  is  the  earth,  what  are  the  hea- 
vens'? It  were  better  for  a  man  never  to  have  seen  them,  than 
to  see  them  with  the  eye  of  a  brute — stupid  and  unconscious 
of  what  he  beholds;  than  not  be  able  to  say,  the  Maker  of  all 
these  worlds  is  my  Friend! 


CONCLUDING    REMARKS.  'i  ii 

There  is  no  evidence  to  the  trutli  of  Christianity  like  that 
which  reflects  from  the  life  of  a  sincere  and  vigorous  Christian, 
in  which  is  exhibited,  the  power  of  Divine  grace,  the  strength 
of  faith,  and  all  the  beauty  of  the  Christian  character.  For 
•*  if  they  that  are  fallen  asleep  in  Christ  are  perished" — if  ex- 
amples of  moral  and  spiritual  excellence,  such  as  Mrs.  Hawkes, 
are  perished — a  thought  too  revolting  to  moral  sense  when 
duly  exercised — then,  indeed,  is  religion  all  a  fable!  But 
thanks  be  to  Almighty  love,  all  true  Christians,  no  less  than 
the  patriarchs,  stand  in  covenant-relation  to  God  ;  and  our 
Saviour  hath  said,  "  God  is  not  the  God  of  the  dead,  but  of  the 
living;  "  and  although  saints  are^hidden  in  the  grave,  God  has 
made  a  covenant  with  their  dust,  and  appointed  a  set  time  to 
remember  them,  Job  xiv.  18.  He  will  also  remember  their 
works,  as  evidences  and  fruits  of  true  faith,  when  "  they  that 
be  wise  shall  shine  as  the  brightness  of  the  firmament ;  and 
they  that  turn  many  to  righteousness  as  the  stars  for  ever 
and  ever."  Dan.  xii.  3.  To  such  exemplars  of  true  piety, 
the  world  is  ever  indebted.  The  writer  can  speak  practically  : 
the  impressions  of  early  childhood  testify  of  Mrs.  Hawkes,  that 
her  being  a  member  of  Mr.  Cecil's  family  was  to  his  children 
a  HIGH  BOON  :  conveying  to  their  yet  unformed  minds  the 
fullest  conviction  of  the  truth  of  Christianity,  while  they  learned 
to  regard  her  not  only  as  a  confidential  friend,  and  cheerful 
companion,  but  especially  as  a  living  exemplar  of  true  piety, 
in  its  most  genuine  form. 

Secondly.  In  the  case  of  Mrs.  Hawkes,  we  have  seen  an 
instance  of  the  fulfilment  of  that  promise,  "To  him  that  hath 
shall  be  given,  and  he  shall  have  abundance."  But  there  fol- 
lows in  close  connexion  with  this  promise  an  important 
WARNING,  "  Whosoever  hath  not,  from  him  shall  be  taken  even 
that  he  hath  :"  a  sentence  full  of  awful  and  affecting  truth. 

He  "hath,"  it  may  be,  many  present  advantages,  means, 
and  opportunities ;  he  "  hath"  the  divine  seed  constantly  fall- 
ing on  the  field  of  his  heart;  he  "hath,"  perhaps,  some  esti- 
mation of  these  privileges ;  and  "  hath"  often  made  resolu- 
tions to  become  an  honest  and  obedient  hearer.  In  the  judg- 
ment of  charity,  he  "  seemeth  to  have"  sincerity,  uprightness, 
and  willingness  of  heart;  his  illumination  of  mind,  and  high 
moral  virtues,  "  seem"  to  promise  a  ready  reception  of  that 
seed  which  brings  forth  a  hundred-fold  more,  and  better  fruits, 
than  nature's  soil  can  produce:  but  there  is  an  awful  reverse 
implied:  there  is  some  cause  why  he  "  hath  not"  received  the 
seed  of  the  word  into  his  heart,  and  why  he  loill  not.  There- 
32" 


378  MEMOIRS    OF  MRS.  UAWKES. 

fore  "  from  him  shall  be  taken  away,  even  that  he  hath."  It 
shall  be  taken  away  judicially.  All  that  was  really  good  wus 
derived  from  the  Spirit  of  God,  and  was  a  talent  lent  for  im- 
provement, But  from  the  unprofitable  servant,  the  talent  shall 
be  taken  away.  He  shall  be  left  to  utter  darkness.  Heb.  vi. 
7,  8 ;  For  just  in  proportion  to  a  man's  light,  will  God  regard 
a  steadfast  alienation  i"rom  his  will. 

Let  each  search  and  examine  what  is  the  moral  cause  why 
he  individually  does  not  understand  and  receive  the  word.  A 
thousand  causes  might  be  assigned  by  another,  and  not  one 
of  them  touch  the  case  ;  and  thus  persons  elude  conviction 
while  they  perceive  that  the  causes  of  impenitency,  generally 
alledged,  do  not  apply  to  themselves  :  but  conscience,  impar- 
tially examined  and  listened  to,  might  testify  accurately.  The 
divine  sentence  hath  pronounced,  that  the  fault  of  an  unprofit- 
able hearer  lies  in  the  nature  of  the  soil  into  which  the  divine 
seed  is  cast,  namely,  into  a  careless^  hard,  or  worldly  mind. 
Matt.  xiii.  18,  23. 

Thirdly.  Let  the  afflicted  Christian  learn  to  distinguish  be- 
tween the  world's  remedy,  and  that  which  is  provided  in  the 
Gospel.  To  be  favoured  with  a  realizing  sense  of  those  words, 
"  I  know  their  sorrows,"  is  a  sweet  balm  for  every  trouble ;  even 
the  bitterest,  and  most  poignant,  that  a  renewed  heart  can  feel, 
— the  sorrow  for  sin.  It  is  the  path  and  privilege  of  a  believer 
to  imitate  Jesus  ;  to  take  the  cup  of  suffering  as  from  a  Father's 
hand,  from  whom  he  may  be  assured  of  constant  and  adequate 
support.  What  is  pain,  sickness,  or  even  death  itself,  compared 
with  alienation  of  the  heart  from  God  7  This  is  the  grand  evil, 
from  which  all  others  proceed.  Let  us  then  think  less  of  our 
own  cup,  whatever  it  maybe,  (since  it  will  surely  prove  medi- 
cinal,) and  think  more  of  Him  who  drank  a  cup  of  wrath,  even 
to  the  dregs,  in  order  to  provide  for  us  a  cup  of  consolation. 
Eminent  Christians  have  generally  an  especial  discipline,  in  pro- 
portion to  that  usefulness  to  which  they  are  de^signed.  Thus 
St.  Paul  had  a  thorn  in  the  flesh  :  and  many  other  travellers  to 
Zion  have  likewise  found  something  rankling,  festering,  and 
harassing  them,  like  a  thorn,  uhich  they  were  unable  to  ex- 
tract. For  this  divine  discipline  we  should  stand  prepared. 
Luther  writes  to  John  of  Flesse,  "You  have  entered  the  ship 
with  Christ ;  what  do  you  look  for?  Fine  weather?  Rather 
expect  winds,  tempests,  and  waves  to  cover  the  vessel,  till  she 
begins  to  sink.  This  is  tie  baptism  with  which  you  must  be 
first  baptized  ,  and  then  ti.ecalm  will  follow,  upon  your  awak- 
ening Christ  and  imploring  his  help;  for  sometimes  he  will 


CONCLUDING    REMARKS.  379 

appear  to  sleep  for  a  season.  The  process  of  afRiction  is  in- 
tended to  prepare  and  make  room  in  the  heart  for  the  grace 
of  Christ :  because  the  tendency  of  the  human  heart  is  to  pride 
and  self-dependence.  Another  important  end  of  affliction  is, 
that  it  quickens  to  eaimest  heart-prayer.  Our  blessed  Saviour 
in  the  garden  prayed  yet  more  earnestly,  till  "  His  sweat  was  as 
it  were  great  drops  of  blood  falling  down  to  the  ground."  And 
this  urgency  of  prayer  was  effectual  to  obtain  the  sustaining 
and  strengthening  influences  which  his  human  nature  required. 
So  the  afflicted  Christian  is  driven  to  lay  hold  of  God  by  prayer; 
he  flies  to  the  bosom  of  his  Saviour,  where  alone  he  finds  true 
repose,  derives  strength,  and  is  enabled  to  maintain  that  spir- 
itual communion  and  intercourse  with  God,  which  is  the  life 
of  the  soul,  which  is  to  fit  him  for  heaven,  and  which  distin- 
guishes the  true  believer  from  the  hypocrite. 

And,  by  degrees,  the  Christian  perceives  the  designs  of  all 
his  afflictions,  and  acquiesces  in  the  process  by  which  God  is 
training  him  for  glory  ;  he  obtains  a  humble  and  resigned 
spirit,  and  learns  to  say,  with  the  subject  of  this  Memoir,  "  I 
know,  O  Lord,  that  thy  judgments  are  right,  and  that  thou  in 
faithfulness  hast  afflicted  me." 

Lastly.  The  subject  addresses  itself  to  Professing  Chris- 
tians generally,  leading  them  to  take  a  right  view  of  their  call- 
ing as  the  disciples  of  a  crucified  Saviour.  As  Christians  we 
have  been  "  baptized  into  his  death !"  Let  us  embrace  the 
doctrine  of  the  cross  as  the  true  and  proper  joy  of  man  upon 
earth.  Shall  the  servant  expect  a  smoother  path  than  the  Lord  ? 
Let  it  suffice  that  "  neither  tribulation,  nor  distress,  nor  perse- 
cution, nor  famine,  nor  peril,  nor  sword,  shall  be  able,  to  sep- 
arate us  from  the  love  of  Christ."  In  every  trial  our  Saviour 
seems  to  say  to  us,  "  Are  ye  able  to  drink  of  the  cup  that  I 
shall  drink  of,  and  to  be  baptized  with  the  baptism  that  I  am 
baptized  with  ?"  His  estimate  was,  when  about  to  suffer,  "  Now 
is  the  Son  of  Man  glorified,  and  God  is  glorified  in  him."  "  Let 
us  arm  ourselves  with  the  same  mind:  bein<T  "  streniTthened 
with  all  might  by  his  glorious  power,  unto  all  long-suffering 
with  joyfulness."  "There  remaineih  a  rest  to  the  people  of 
God,"  which  must  be  ardently  desired  by  weary  pilgrims.  But 
though  delayed,  the  inheritance  is  certain,  and  the  promise  is 
sure.  "  Him  that  overcometh  will  I  make  a  pillar  in  the  tem- 
ple of  my  God,  and  he  shall  ao  no  more  out:  and  I  will  write 
upon  him  the  name  of  my  God,  and  the  name  of  the  city  of 
my  God,  which  is  New  Jerusalem,  which  cometh  down  out  of 
heaven  from  my  God:  and  I  will  write  upon  him  my  new 
name,"  Rev.  iii.  12. 


APPENDIX; 


CONTAINING 


SvuQmtntB  nn'o  ^tjstracts  of  <Sennons, 


PREACHED  BY  THE  REV.  RICHARD  CECIL, 


CHIEFLY  IN  1795  AND  1796; 


AS    TAKEN    DOWN    BY    MRS.  HAWKE3. 


REMARKS 


MADE    BY    HIM    IN    CONVERSATION    WITH    MRS.  HAWKES, 


VARIOUS  SUBJECTS. 


.IFraamcnts  mxXi  ^listracts  of  ^evmous. 


ON  PROVIDENCE. 


And  the  thing  was  good  in  the  eyes  of  Pharaoh  and  in  the 
eyes  of  all  his  servants.  And  Pharaoh  said  unto  his  ser- 
vants. Can  we  find  such  a  one  as  this  is,  a  man  in  whom 
the  Spi?Ht  of  God  is  ? — Gen.  xli,  37,  38. 

When  God  goes  before  a  man,  every  thing  that  is  good  for 
him  shall  follow  him.  "  Promotion  cometh  neither  from  the 
east,  nor  from  the  west,  nor  from  the  south.  But  God  is  the 
judge  :  he  putteth  down  one  and  setteth  up  another."  A  great 
part  of  the  Bible  is  to  show  us  that  all  creatures  are  in  God's 
hand ;  and  that  he  will  either  make  our  afflictions  work  to- 
gether for  good,  or  remove  them.  But  the  believer  must  wait 
for  God's  time  of  deliverance  :  he  may  think  it  long  in  com- 
ing,— forgetting  that  God's  time  is  the  best  time.  There  is  a 
tide  in  our  affairs:  how  easily  does  the  vessel  move  with  the 
tide;  but  let  that  go  down,  and  leave  it  upon  the  rsands,  and 
no  human  arm  can  remove  it;  whereas,  when  the  tide  returns 
again,  it  needs  no  help  from  man.  "  If  the  vision  tarry,  wait 
for  it;  because  it  will  surely  come,  it  will  not  tarry."  Hab.  ii.  3. 

And  the  thing  was  good  in  the  eyes  of  Pharaoh  and  of  all 
his  servants.  The  servants  were  pleased  with  the  proposal, 
which  was  more  than  could  be  expected  :  for  they  might  have 
said,  "  Is  a  stranger,  a  Hebrew,  to  be  honoured  more  than  the 
favourites  of  the  king's  court?" 

And  Pharaoh  said.  Can  we  find  such  a  one  as  this  is,  a  man 
in  whom  the  Spirit  of  God  is  ?  This  is  a  proof  that  Pharaoh 
was  a  wise  and  considerate  king;  that  he  could  see  into  Joseph's 
character,  and  chose  such  a  man  in  preference  to  others ;  but 
God's  hand  must  be  seen  here  ;  though  Joseph  had  much  to 


384  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

fear  from  that  fickleness  which  is  too  much  the  character  of 
man,  yet  in  respect  of  Joseph,  Pharaoh  was  not  permitted  to 
change. 

The  Christian  is  here  taught  to  depend  on  God  alone:  and  in 
doing  this,  he  becomes  the  most  independent  being  in  the  world. 
He  has  nothing  to  do  with  times  and  seasons — nothing  to  do 
with  creatures — nothing  to  do  with  consequences  and  events — 
all  these  he  leaves  to  God,  and  trusts  only  in  him. 

Can  we  find  such  a  one  as  this  is  ?  Joseph's  character  had 
been  vilified  and  obscured  ;  Chap.  xxix.  but  time  shall  show 
every  man's  character.  All  shall  one  day  know,  that  true 
wisdom,  and  true  religion,  are  the  same  thing.  "  We  fools 
counted  his  life  madness."  Oh,  that  the  man  who  is  asking, 
"  Who  will  shew  me  any  good?"  who  is  looking  first  to  this 
vain  object,  and  then  to  that,  would  put  up  an  earnest  prayer 
to  God,  "  Lift  up  the  light  of  thy  countenance  upon  me."  He 
would  soon  find  he  wanted  no  other  good ;  and  that  the  way 
to  gain  all,  is  to  give  up  all  for  God.  "  The  tear  of  the  Lord, 
that  is  wisdom  ;  and  to  depart  from  evil,  is  understanding." 
Such  a  one  will  say  with  Joseph,  when  temptation  presents 
itself,  though  never  so  secretly,  "  How  can  I  do  this  great 
wickedness,  and  sin  against  God?"     This  is  solid  wisdom. 

Joseph  had  God  always  in  remembrance ;  He  was  his  one 
object  in  prison  and  in  preferment,  in  affliction  and  in  pros- 
perity. This  is  to  be  blessed  indeed  ;  and  to  be  truly  hon- 
ourable. Whenever  you  see  a  man  cleaving  to  God  with  full 
purpose  of  heart,  say — He  is  a  blessed  man  ! 


And  Jacob  their  father  said  unto  them,  Me  have  ye  bereaved 
of  my  children.  Joseph  is  not,  and  Simeon  is  not,  and  ye 
will  take  Benjamin  away:  all  these  things  are  against 
me.— Gen.  xlii.  36. 

From  this  history  we  may  see  how  providence  may  be  mis- 
interpreted even  by  a  godly  man  ;  he  often  frets  where  he 
might  rejoice,  and  complains  where  he  should  trust ;  and  is 
apt  to  pronounce  hastily  upon  what  he  should  first  consider 
deeply  and  humbly  ;  hence  he  is  liable  to  despondency. 

Let  us  enquire,  how  we  may  be  preserved  from  these  pain- 
ful fears.  First,  we  must  examine  upon  what  footing  we  stand  ; 


ON    PROVIDENCE.  385 

for  if  things  are  really  against  us,  wc  ought  to  take  care  of 
deception  ;  and  whether  they  are  against  us,  or  for  us,  de- 
pends upon  this,  "  Say  ye  to  the  righteous,  it  shall  be  well 
with  him."  Though  Joseph  is  not,  though  Simeon  is  not,  and 
though  Benjamin  may  be  taken  away, — though  bonds  and  af- 
flictions await, — yet  "  All  things  shall  work  together  for  good 
to  them  who  love  God."  Say  ye  to  the  righteous,  well.  But 
say  not  so  to  the  wicked  man  :  for  it  is  cruel ;  you  will  de- 
ceive him.  Tell  him  on  the  contrary,  that  however  he  is  in- 
creased in  goods,  in  honours,  &c..  All  things  are  against 
him.  Has  he  great  riches?  "  How  hardly  shall  a  rich  man 
enter  into  the  kingdom  of  heaven?"  Is  he  a  genius?  that  in- 
duces ^a^/eri/.  Has  he  understanding?  that  produces  proud 
reasonings.  All  these  things  are  against  him  :  for  they  make 
him  forget  God.  There  is  indeed  one  thingybr  him,  namely, 
that  he  has  a  day  of  grace  granted  that  he  may  hear  the  word 
of  life  ;  but  this  he  forgets,  neglects,  or  trifles  with  :  and  if  he 
goes  on  thus,  even  these  things  will  be  against  him. 

It  is  otherwise  with  ihosje  who  have  chosen  Jacob's  God  ; 
who  have  fled  for  refuge  to  him.  God  is  to  the  believer  not 
merely  his  Creator,  but  his  God  in  covenant. 

If  you  have  been  remiss — if  you  have  wandered  out  of  the 
way, — then  these  things  ought  to  be  considered  ;  for  God  may 
be  making  use  of  chastisements  for  this  very  end, — to  make 
you  consider  your  ways.  But  still  there  is  no  ground  for  des- 
pondency :  for  his  loving-kindness  is  not  taken  away.  He 
will  make  these  very  alllictions  to  forward  your  spiritual 
growth:  they  shall  humble  and  purify:  and  all  will  be  well 
at  last.  There  is  peace  with  God,  to  be  obtained  through 
Christ,  by  all  who  *  with  hearty  repentance  and  true  faith  turn 
to  him.' 

We  should  every  day  learn  to  correct  the  errors  of  sense  by 
faith.  We  should  learn  never  to  draw  hasty  conclusions  from 
present  appearances,  but  hear  what  God  has  declared.  Jacob 
should  have  called  to  mind  that  God  had  said  to  him,  "  I  will 
surely  do  thee  good."  He  should  have  remembered  the  time 
when  things  were  as  much  against  him  as  noiv,  namely,  when 
Esau  went  out  to  meet  him  with  four  hundred  men.  He 
should  have  looked  back  on  his  own  prayer,  (Gen.  xxxii.  9 — 
12.)  He  should  have  rested  in  the  same  manner  as  hereto- 
fore on  the  promise,  "And  thou  saidst,  1  will  surely  do  thee 
good."  And  he  might  have  added.  If  thou  art  pleased  not  to 
deliver  in  this  instance,  yet  in  some  way  or  other,  that  I  know 
33 


386  FRAGMENTS,   ETC. 

not  of,  Thou  wilt  accomplish  the  promise,   "  I  will  surely  do 
thee  good." 

Let  the  believer  weigh  the  promises,  jand  pray  that  he  may 
hold  fast  by  the  word,  and  say,  by  the  help  of  God,  "  I  will  not 
let  thee  go."  God  has  not  indeed  assured  me  that  my  house 
shall  be  so  with  God  as  I  wish  it  to  be — so  as  it  should  be — 
but,  *'  He  has  made  with  me  an  everlasting  covenant,  ordered 
in  all  things  and  sure,  and  this  is  all  my  salvation  and  all  my 
desire."  If  we  judge  of  providences  by  sense,  we  must  be  for 
ever  making  mistakes.  In  the  end,  Providence  will  explain 
itself;  and  in  the  interval,  faith  must  rest  on  God's  word  : 
hold  fast  by  that,  and  keep  a  watchful  eye  upon  whatever 
would  loosen  your  hold.  Let  sense  be  kept  within  its  own 
province,  and  let  faith  speak,  which  says,  God's  word  shall 
never  fail.  Guard  against  desponding  thoughts.  Melancholy 
is  a  dangerous  disease.  "  Who  is  among  you  that  feareth  the 
Lord,  that  obeyeth  the  voice  of  his  servant,  that  walketh  in 
darkness  and  hath  no  light?  Let  him  trust  in  the  name  of  the 
Lord,  and  stay  upon  his  God."  Isa.  1.  10. 


And  the  woman  conceived,  and  bare  a  son  :  and  when  she 
saw  him  that  he  ivos  a  goodly  child,  she  hid  him  three 
months. — Exodus  ii.  2. 

Remark  first,  the  time  of  Moses'  appearing,  namely,  when 
the  church  was  in  its  deepest  distress.  We  see  by  verses  23 
and  24,  that  God  heard  the  prayer  of  the  Israelites,  as  he  al- 
ways does  the  cry  of  the  afflicted  and  destitute.  Whatever 
men  are  doing  in  the  Church,  God  is  never  unmindful  of  it; 
nor  is  the  Church  ever  forgotten  by  him  :  when  it  comes  to  its 
darkest  hour,  the  dawn  begins  to  break.  This  should  teach 
us  that  when  our  distress  is  peculiar  and  deep,  we  are  then 
nearest  relief. 

Remark,  secondly,  the  faith  of  the  parents.  Scripture  is  the 
best  explanation  of  Scripture.  The  11th  chapter  of  Hebrews 
shows  us,  that  the  parents  of  Moses  exercised  faith  upon  a 
promise.  They  hid  him,  seeing  he  "  was  a  goodly  child."  They 
had  the  promise  of  a  deliverer,  and  perhaps  thought  that  this 
infant  might  be  designed  for  some  great  end  :  God  commends 


ON    PROVIDENCE.  387 

their  conduct.  To  have  an  eye  directed  to  him  in  opposition 
to  the  world,  is  well  pleasing  in  his  sight. 

A  nnan  that  understands  the  promises  of  God,  will  be  so  far 
from  neglecting  the  use  of  means,  that  he  will  be  more  careful 
in  their  observance. 

We  should  learn  from  this  passage,  to  hide  our  children  as 
much  as  possible  from  mischief;  and  when  they  are  called  out 
from  under  our  wing,  it  will  further  teach  us  how  to  usher 
them  into  the  world  by  faith  and  prayer,  that  when  they  go 
from  under  our  protection,  they  may  go  under  the  protection 
of  God.  Are  you  a  parent,  and  do  you  wish  to  make  your 
children  fond  of  the  world,  and  the  world  fond  of  them?  If 
you  are  an  enlightened  parent,  you  will  rather  cry  that  the 
eyes  of  your  children  may  be  opened, — that  although  they 
may  be  poor  and  of  mean  capacity,  yet  that  they  may  be  rich  in 
faith  :  put  up  this  prayer  for  them,  "  Father  of  Glory,  open  the 
eyes  of  their  understanding!  take  them  under  thy  protection  ; 
make  them  the  children  of  thy  special  providence  I  "  See  the 
particular  providence  of  God  with  respect  to  Moses.  See  the 
dangers  to  which  he  was  exposed,  when  his  mother  could  no 
longer  conceal  him.  When  in  the  most  imminent  danger, 
Pharaoh's  daughter  came,  and  her  heart  was  softened,  and 
predisposed  to  take  care  of  him  through  all  the  dangers  he  must 
have  to  encounter.  The  bye-standers  might  probably  say, 
What  a  fortunate  accident!  What  a  lucky  child!  But  the 
Christian  must  not  talk  so.  He  is  one  who  is  called  to  watch 
God's  providence :  Moses  should  have  the  offer  of  the  great 
things  of  Egypt,  that  he  might  have  the  opportunity  to  refuse 
them.  Oh  that  we  regarded  not  only  the  God  who  governs 
the  stars,  but  the  God  o'l  minute  providences — the  Overruler  of 
moments  !  so  that  not  even  a  sparrow  shall  fall  to  the  ground 
unnoticed  by  him. 

Observe  the  preparation  God  made  to  bring  out  Moses.  He 
was  put  into  a  peculiar  situation  ; — he  had  given  him  a  peculiar 
spirit ; — he  was  furnished  with  all  the  knowledge,  wisdom,  and 
learning,  for  which  Egypt  was  so  famed ; — he  had  every  ad- 
vantage which  could  fit  him  for  a  soldier,  a  ruler,  a  governor, 
to  his  brethren.  He  was  removed  from  a  court  to  solitude,  to 
live  unknown,  unnoticed,  in  the  capacity  of  a  shepherd.  A 
course  of  providences  is  God's  school. 

We  are  to  learn  from  this  part  of  Moses'  history,  to  submit 
to  change  of  circumstances  ; — to  bear  the  yoke; — to  be  willing 
to  leave  the  society  of  our  best  friends; — and  to  retire  into  ob- 


388  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

scurity,  if  God  so  appoints.  The  private  Christian,  whatever 
be  his  station,  has  a  charge ;  and  he  is  called  upon,  in  his  cir- 
cle, to  glorify  God. 


And  the  barrel  of  meal  wasted  not,  neither  did  the  cruise  of 
oilfaily  according  to  the  ivord  of  the  Lord,  which  he  spake 
by  Elijah. — 1  Kings  xvii.  16. 

The  child  of  special  providence,  who  is  walking  in  the  path 
that  God  points  out,  differs  from  others,  in  that  he  walks  look- 
ing to  God, — looking  at  his  Bible, — and  casting  his  care  on 
God.     He  is  an  enlightened  child,  and  an  exercised  child. 

We  must  use  means,  but  not  dejjend  on  them.  Human 
power  is  nature's  idol.  Every  man  has  a  habit  of  examining 
whether  the  fig-tree  blossoms,  or  if  there  be  any  fruit  in  the 
vine ;  or  oil  in  the  olive  ;  or  herd  in  the  stall ; — but  God's 
voice  to  us  is.  Look  away  from  these  things ;  you  do  not  de- 
pend on  the  vine,  &c. — "  The  blessing  of  the  Lord,  that 
maketh  rich."  It  is  a  great  thing  for  a  man  in  time  of  trial  to 
have  sound  principles:  to  live  in  a  steady,  quiet,  patient  reli- 
ance upon  God. 

The  child  of  special  providence  is  strangely  relieved.  The 
barrel  of  meal  i.vasted  not.  Any  deviation  from  the  common 
course  of  nature  is  just  as  easy  for  the  Almighty  to  effect,  as 
to  keep  unbroken  the  usual  routine  of  common  events.  Strange 
reliefs  are  in  order  to  make  the  hand  of  God  more  visible. 

The  children  of  God  are  highly  favoured  in  their  education : 
in  their  independence  upon  ail  but  God  himself.  He  bids  them 
live  upon  the  meal,  though  but  a  handful.  Even  Elijah  must 
be  taught  a  life  of  dependence  :  first  fed  by  ravens,  and  then 
by  a  poor  widow ;  and  he  never  seems  to  have  objected  to 
God's  method  of  dealing  with  him. 

Christians  who  have  trod  the  road  of  experience,  all  seem 
to  have  gained  such  an  acquaintance  with  God  in  the  course 
of  his  providence,  as  to  have  their  hearts  brought  info  a  spirit- 
ual habit  of  turning  to  Him  in  all  trouble.  Such  an  one  will 
say,  God  has  been  my  friend,  He  has  blessed  me,  and  there- 
fore I  will  call  upon  Him.  Shall  it  be  thought  thai  the  man 
who  has  the  love  of  God  in  his  heart  shall  ever  Ji^ant  any  thing  ? 

Let  us  study  in  the  Scripture  God's  method  of  dealing.     He 


ON  PROVIDENCE.  389 

gives  his  children  faith,  and  then  tries  it :  the  increase  of  the 
wido\v''s  faith  was  as  great  a  miracle  of  grace,  as  the  supply 
of  oil  was  a  miracle  of  providence. 

The  expectation  of  evil  weakens  and  dissipates  our  powers. 
There  is  enough  to-day  before  us  ;  therefore  leave  the  morrow 
to  God  :  he  knows  how  to  provide  for  it.  What  suffering  or 
trial  the  Christian  has  passed  through  is  nothing,  except  as  it 
instructs  and  humbles  him  :  nor  is  the  trial  or  trouble  of  to- 
morrow any  thing,  but  as  it  teaches  him  dependence  and  trust. 
The  true  Christian  is  taught  to  be  thankful  in  all  circumstan- 
ces, because  he  has  that  within  him  which  cannot  be  taken 
away. 

If  we  have  a  difficult  and  humbling  path,  let  us  beware  of  a 
crooked  way,  and  of  saying,  "  I  cannot  bear  to  be  supported 
in  such  and  such  a  way  :  1  will  at  any  rate  invent  and  attempt 
a  better."  Two  years,  it  is  supposed,  this  widow  lived,  giving 
her  bread  to  Elijah  ;  and  yet  the  barrel  of  meal  wasted  not, 
neither  did  the  cruise  of  oil  fail,  according  to  the  icord  of  the 
Lord  which  he  spake  by  Elijah. 


Are  not  two  sparrows  sold  for  a  farthing  ?  and  one  of  them 
shall  not  fall  on  the  ground  without  your  Father. — Mat- 
thew X.  29. 

Real  religion  is  neither  more  nor  less  than  the  life  of  God 
in  the  soul  of  man.  We  should  therefore  imitate  our  great 
Master  in  speaking  upon  truths  which  search  the  heart,  and 
enter  into  the  experience  :  such  a  subject  is  now  before  us. 
Our  Lord  is  here  found  preparing  his  disciples  to  meet  the 
commission  which  he  had  given  them,  to  go  and  preach  to  all 
nations.  He  charged  them  that  what  he  had  spoken  in  dark- 
ness, they  should  speak  in  the  light ;  and  adds,  "  what  ye  hear 
in  the  ear,  that  preach  ye  upon  the  housetops."  Do  not  be 
afraid  to  undertake  this  commission  ;  "  fear  not  them  that  kill 
the  body  ;"  consider  (as  though  he  had  said,)  that  peculiar  go- 
vernment, that  particular  providence,  which  I  exercise  in  the 
world  :  are  not  two  sparrows  sold  for  a  farthing  ?  and  not 
one  of  them  shall  fall  on  the  ground  without  your  Father. 

1.  Let  us  consider  this  attribute  of  the  Divine  Being,  called 
Providence. 

33* 


390  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

There  has  been  a  dispute  in  the  world  whether  God's  provi- 
dence is  a  mere  outline,  a  general  direction  given  to  creation 
after  it  was  formed  ;  or,  whether  God  condescends  to  take  up 
this  particular  part  of  his  prerogative  in  the  government  of 
every  atom.  Bishop  Hopkins  observes,  "  There  is  not  a  cloud 
of  dust  raised  by  his  chariot  wheels,  but  God  notices  where 
every  atom  of  the  dust  shall  fall."  This  is  called  a  particu- 
lar providence.  But  it  is  surprising  to  me,  if  a  man  credits 
his  Bible,  how  such  a  dispute  could  arise  in  the  world.  I  put 
it  to  your  consideration  : — suppose  our  Lord  designed  to  main- 
tain that  very  particular  providence  which  has  been  the  sub- 
ject of  dispute — suppose  he  meant  to  take  that  side  of  the  ques- 
tion, and  lay  it  down  for  certain  that  there  was  nothing,  how- 
ever minute,  that  did  not  come  under  the  eye  of  providence — 
what  words  could  he  employ  more  directly  to  assert  the  par- 
ticular providence  of  God  1  Are  not  two  sparroics  sold  for  a 
farthing  ?  and  one  ofthern  shall  not  fall  on  the  ground  ivith- 
out  your  Father.  And  as  though  he  designed,  if  ))ossible,  to 
go  beyond  this,  he  says,  "  I  tell  you,  the  very  hairs  of  your 
head," — which  you  may  think  nothing  about,  as  to  their  num- 
ber,— of  these  there  is  a  register,  an  account  kept;  they  "are 
all  numbered."  What  could  our  Saviour  say  more,  to  estab- 
lish the  doctrine  of  a  par/icz^/ar  providence?  The  truth  is, 
and  it  will  appear  from  the  Bible,  that  God  works  everywhere, 
as  Creator,  Governor,  and  Benefactor.  The  existence  of  life 
in  a  gnat,  or  in  the  smallest  insect  in  the  remotest  desert,  seems 
to  say,  God  is  here  :  it  is  by  his  creation  and  preservation  that 
I  live :  so  that  men  have  mistaken  the  matter  exceedingly,  in 
supposing  that  there  are  useless  parts  of  the  earth:  the  infinite 
and  numberless  swarms  of  insects  that  live  where  the  foot  of 
man  never  trod,  are  still  parts  of  his  ways,  and  manifestations 
of  his  power,  and  continued  benefactions.  By  his  power  an  an- 
gel descends  ;  and  a  sparrow  does  not  fall  without  it.  So  Christ 
hath  taught  usj  and  that  is  sufficient  for  us  to  ground  our  faith 
upon. 

We  are  frequently  disposed  to  give  a  sort  oi" general  regard 
to  God,  and  are  not  so  disposed  to  credit  that  the  hairs  of  our 
heads  are  all  numbered.  But  we  learn  from  the  Bible,  that  the 
providence  of  God  is  ever  active.  A  stone  thrown  into  the 
water  forms  ring  after  ring,  till  the  eye  cannot  follow  it. 
Things  seem  to  us  to  be  insulated  ;  but  the  connexion,  conse- 
quence and  relation  is  beyond  all  calculation.  Thus  the 
wheels  of  a  clock  seem  to  go  contrary  ways  ;  but  they  all  tend 
to  one  end  and  design  ;  and  therefore  form  an  emblem  of  pro- 


ON  PROVIDENCE.  391 

vidence.  Why  could  not  King  Ahasuerus  sleep?  Because  God 
was  bringing  about  the  deliverance  of  the  Jews.  Bishop  Hall 
says,  "How  vain  that  reckoning  where  God  is  left  out."  "  The 
eyes  of  the  Lord  run  to  and  fro  throughout  the  whole  earth." 

II.  Consider  the  particular  use  we  should  make  of  this  as- 
sertion of  our  Lord,  "  Not  a  sparrow  falleth  to  the  ground  with- 
out your  Father." 

First,  it  should  teach  us  to  guard  against  charging  God  fool- 
ishly. It  is  said  to  the  hon(jur  of  Job,  "  In  all  this  Job  sinned 
not,  nor  charged  God  foolishly."  We  are  too  apt  to  be- 
lieve the  report  of  our  senses  ;  and  are  found  frequently  for- 
getting, or  slighting,  the  report  of  God,  who  positively  declares 
in  his  word,  not  only  that  all  things  shall.,  but  do,  work  to- 
gether for  good  "  to  them  who  are  the  called  according  to  his 
purpose;"  Rom.  viii.  28:  and  therefore  he  teaches  us  in  his 
word,  to  trust  in  the  Lord  with  all  our  hearts,  and  not  to  lean 
to  our  own  understanding  ;  i.  e.  not  to  take  the  reports  of  sense, 
but  in  all  our  ways  to  acknowledge  Him,  and  say,  "  God  is 
here."  We  are  ever  too  ready  to  fall  into  the  sin  of  charging 
God  foolishly,  and  to  think  every  thing  wrong  but  ourselves  : 
now  one  of  the  grand  designs  of  God  in  his  providence,  is  to 
cure  us  of  this.  When  a  chemist  puts  his  precious  materials 
into  the  fire,  it  is  not  to  destroy,  but  as  the  poet  says, — 

"  To  wring  their  shy  retiring  virtues  out." 

God  will  thus  wring  out  of  the  heart  of  man,  patience,  submis- 
sion, faith  ;  he  will  teach  him  to  walk  humbly, — and  to  see  he 
has  no  reason  to  complain,  nor  any  right  to  complain.  It  is 
of  great  importance  in  practical  experience  for  us  to  realize 
God's  acting  in  particular  providences.  Without  this,  we  be- 
come the  sport  of  our  own  imaginations,  and  are  in  danger  of 
being  not  only  miserable  wretches,  but  a  sort  of  atheists.  The 
language  of  such  a  creature  as  man  ought  to  be.  Though 
"  clouds  and  darkness  are  round  about  him  ;  righteousness  and 
judgment  are  the  habitation  of  his  throne," — Ps,  xcvii.  2. 

Secondly, — We  should  learn  to  be  on  our  guard  against 
tempting  God.  He  brings  a  heavy  charge  against  his  church 
of  old.  "They  tempted  the  Holy  One  of  Israel."  This  is 
an  important  part  of  the  improvement  we  should  make  of  this 
doctrine.  We  should  lay  it  down  as  a  maxim  firmer  than  hea- 
ven and  earth,  that  not  a  sparrow  falls — nor  a  hair  of  our 
head — unnoticed  :  yet  we  should  hold  this  truth  with  rever- 
ence, and  a  holy  awe.  Satan  can  preach  the  doctrine  of  prov- 
idence, see  Matt.  iv.  3 — 6.     "  If  thou  be  the  Son  of  God,  cast 


392  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

thyself  down,  for  it  is  written,  He  shall  give  his  angels  charge 
concerning  thee."  We  should  take  heed  how  we  tempt  God 
because  of  the  perfection  of  his  providence.  We  are  to  act 
like  rational  creatures,  consistently  with  God's  word  :  any 
thing  may  be  made  out  of  Scripture  if  it  is  taken  separately  : 
But,  It  is  li-ritteu  again.  Every  Scripture  is  surrounded  by 
a  guard  from  other  Scriptures. 

Some  people  are  so  perverse  and  extravagant  as  to  say,  that 
because  God  orders  every  thing  in  heaven  and  earth,  and 
every  thing  submits  to  his  Government,  therefore  it  is  in  vain 
to  attempt  any  thing,  nor  are  we  responsible  for  what  happens. 
St.  Peter  proves  otherwise,  when  he  says,  "  Him  being  deliv- 
ered by  the  determinate  counsel  and  foreknowledge  of  God,  ye 
have  taken,  and  by  uicked  hands  have  crucified  and  slain." 
"  The  eyes  of  the  Lord  are  in  every  place,  beholding  the  evil 
and  the  good."  Prov.  xv.  3.  Shall  I  meet  those  eyes  as  a 
rebel,  and  a  tempter  of  God?  those  eyes  that  arrested  Jonah 
in  his  rebellion  as  a  fugitive?  which  marked  the  conduct  of 
David,  &c.  ;  the  same  eyes  marked,  though  with  compassion, 
the  folly  of  Peter,  and  humbled  him  for  his  sin.  Instead  there- 
fore of  tempting  God,  let  us  say  with  the  Psalmist,  "  O  Lord, 
thou  knowest  my  down-sitting  and  mine  up-rising,  and  art  ac- 
quainted with  all  my  ways,  &c.;  therefore  search  me  O  God,  and 
know  my  heart ;  and  see  if  there  be  any  wicked  way  in  me, 
and  lead  me  in  the  way  everlasting."  "  I  will  set  the  Lord  al- 
ways before  me;"  and  while  He  is  governing  the  universe,  I 
will  endeavour  to  be  found  such  a  man  as  He  has  commanded 
me  to  be. 

INeither  does  God  give  encouragement  to  daring,  imprudent 
ventures:  to  that  blind,  heated,  enthusiastic  conduct  which  at- 
tends some  professors,  who  think  they  are  safe  when  engaged 
in  the  cause  of  religion  though  guilty  of  the  greatest  impru- 
dences. Religion  was  never  meant  to  destroy  our  reason,  but 
to  strengthen  it.  We  are  to  be  cautious  ;— our  Saviour  him- 
self says,  "  If  they  persecute  you  in  one  city  flee  to  another." 
You  are  not  to  be  cowards  : — but  neither  are  you  to  be  daring. 
We  also  tempt  God  when  we  create  unnecessary  wants. 

Thirdly, — We  should  learn  from  this  Scripture  to  watch 
against  distrust.  God  gives  us  this  admonition  in  immediate 
connection  with  the  text,  "Fear  ye  not,  therefore,  ye  are  of 
more  value  than  many  sparrows."  What  would  a  single  act 
of  distrust  have  done  in  the  case  of  Noah?  Instead  of  being 
saved,  he  must  have  perished.  What  would  distrust  have 
done  in  the  case  of  Naaman  1  So  Moses,  &;c. 


ON   TEMPTATION.  393 

My  dear  brethren,  there  are  many  things  in  which  God 
makes  no  appeal  to  us, — none  at  all :  He  seems  to  say, — Go 
on,  and  trust  me  every  step  of  the  way  :  I  give  no  account  of 
my  matters:  you  must  go  where  I  command  you; — must 
learn  to  trust  me,  who  will  condescend  to  the  falling  of  a  spar- 
row. 

What  a  ground  of  confidence  is  here  !  We  ought  therefore 
to  say,  TheLord  is  my  strength,  of  whom  shall  1  be  afraid  ? 
That  is  the  best  state  of  a  Christian  when  he  is  afraid  o^  every 
thing  and  afraid  of  nothing.  "  Are  not  two  sparrows  sold 
for  a  farthing?  and  one  of  them  shall  not  fall  to  the  ground 
without  your  Father."  "  Go  and  preach  the  Gospel  to  every 
creature,"  saith  Christ :  but  do  not  the  Jews  object  to  this,  and 
find  it  a  stumbling  block?  and  does  not  the  Greek  consider  it 
foolishness,  and  unworthy  his  attention  ?  Yet  the  apostles  went 
on,  without  making  any  appeal  to  either  Jew  or  Greek — but 
only  to  the  God  who  governs  the  universe. 

My  dear  hearers,  we  are  planners  for  eternity,  and  need  to 
stand  upon  a  firm  foundation.  St.  Paul  tells  us  what  that  foun- 
dation is.  1  Cor.  iii.  11.  "  Other  foundation  can  no  man  lay 
than  that  is  laid,  which  is  Jesus  Christ."  How  extraordinary 
soever  the  truth  may  appear,  yet  that  poor  despised  One  that 
hung  on  the  cross,  who  had  no  where  to  lay  his  head,  is  He 
who"  has  the  keys  of  hell  and  of  death,  and  rules  the  affairs  of 
the  whole  universe.  Let  us  therefore  turn  to  Jesus  Christ ; 
and  remember,  that  our  strength  and  direction  must  come  from 
him  who  is  "  the  author  and  finisher  of  our  faith." 


ON  TEMPTATION. 


Then  ivas  Jesus  led  vp  of  the  Spirit  into  the  u'ilderness,  to 
be  tempted  of  the  devil,  (S^c. — Matt.  iv.  1 — 10. 

The  enemy  lays  those  temptations  in  our  way  which  are 
most  suited  to  our  situation,  slate  of  mind,  &c.  &c.  Thus  he 
went  to  our  Lord.  The  seasons  for  Satan's  attacks  are  the 
times  of  distress,  when  the  heart  is  softened,  and  less  able  to 
make  resistance. 


894  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

Temptation  is  also  peculiar  to  high  employments,  ver.  3. 
If  thou  he  the  Son  of  God^  &c. — If  Satan  puts  our  Saviour 
upon  proving  his  Son-ship,  no  wonder  he  often  tempts  the 
Christian  to  doubt  his  relation  to  Christ ;  and  if  he  can  get  us 
to  parley  with  him,  he  will  soon  be  putting  us  uponn  eedless 
proof. 

We  are  to  understand  from  Christ's  being  tempted,  that 
temptation  is  common  to  human  nature,  and  not  an  evil  in  it- 
self The  highest  favours  do  not  exempt  us  from  temptation. 
God  has  prepared  us  for  special  assaults :  "  Thy  shoes  shall 
be  iron  and  brass,"  &c. 

Ver.  4.  But  he  answered  and  said,  It  is  icritten.  The 
same  question  must  be  urged  to  every  temptation  : — our  imme- 
diate reply  must  be,  like  our  great  Master,  "  It  is  written." 

Ver.  5.  Then  the  devil  taketh  him  up  into  the  holy  city, 
and  setteth  him  on  a  pinnacle  of  the  temple.  Satan  will  be 
busy  even  in  the  holy  city, — even  in  the  Temple.  The  pin- 
nacle is  the  most  dangerous  place ;  for  the  greater  the  height, 
the  greater  is  the  believer's  call  for  watchfulness — because  the 
greater  would  be  his/a?/.  Beware  of  a  desire  to  climb.  A 
young  Christian  is  very  desirous  of  a  high  station,  and  wants 
to  be  mounting :  but  take  heed  that  in  climbing,  Satan  does 
not  give  you  a  lift.  He  is  perhaps  as  desirous  of  your  reach- 
ing the  pinnacle  as  you  are  yourself,  in  order  that  he  may  cast 
you  down.  Let  it  be  your  request  to  be  kept  on  humble  ground. 
The  head  is  never  more  apt  to  turn  giddy  than  when  we  are 
raised  upon  a  pinnacle. 

Ver.  6,  7,  Cast  thyself  down.  &c.  Had  Satan  been  able 
to  cast  down  our  blessed  Saviour,  He  had  then  only  been  a 
sufferer,  for  we  are  expressly  told  "the  Prince  of  this  world 
Cometh,  and  hath  nothing  in  me."  If  Satan  can  prevail  on 
the  believer  to  coincide  with  the  temptation,  he  succeeds  in  his 
malice;  but  if  we  resist,  we  are  safe;  for  resisted  temptations 
are  rather  a////ciia/2s  than  sins:  these  will  not  separate  from 
communion  with  Christ;  for  he  sympathizes  with  the  tempted. 

He  shall  give  his  angels  charge  concerning  thee  :  and  in 
their  hands  they  shall  bear  thee  up,  lest  at  any  time  thou  dash 
thy  foot  against  a  stone.  Satan  will  often  put  the  greatest 
truths  into  the  mouths  of  his  emissaries  to  pervert  truth.  He 
would  have  Scripture  quoted  partially :  he  here  quotes  a  pas- 
sage from  the  91st  Psalm,  but  perverts  the  sense.  "  Cast  thy- 
self down,"  at  any  rate,  "  for  he  shall  give  his  angels  charge 
concerning  thee."  Take  great  heed  when  Scriptures  are 
quoted  by  the  mouth  of  bad  men.  It  is  no  better  than  the  worst 


ON    TEMPTATION.  399 

blasphemy  ;  yet  do  not  esteem  the  Scripture  the  less  on  that  ac- 
count :  the  antidote  to  this  poison  is,  "  the  sword  of  the  Spirit," 
Christ  says  "  It  is  written  again." 

Ver.  8.  Again  the  devil  taketh  him  up  into  an  exceeding 
high  mountain,  difc.  Mark  here  the  succession  of  Satan's  at- 
tacks. The  wilderness  had  not  succeeded,  nor  the  pinnacle  of 
the  temple ; — but  this  mountain  produced  the  most  enchanting 
prospects; — there  was  also  a  craft  added,  to  show  the  king- 
doms of  the  world  and  the  glory  of  them.  Satan  in  his  temp- 
tations points  at  objects  in  the  fairest  way  ;  spreads  every  thing 
likely  to  dazzle,  and  conceals  every  thing  likely  to  counter- 
act;— shows  \.\\Q  flower  ;  but  where  are  the  thorns?  the  pun- 
ishments ?  where  are  the  shades  of  the  picture  ?  It  is  by  hiding 
the  aching  heart  that  he  succeeds.  It  is  his  art  to  present 
temptation  through  the  eye — the  ear — by  the  medium  of  the 
senses.  Satan  presents  a  hurried,  rapid  view;  worldly  things 
will  not  bear  inspection.  In  a  moment  we  are  hurried  along. 
Learn  to  esteem  all  earthly  things  at  a  low  rate. 

Ver.  9.  Observe  the  proffer  of  the  enemy,  All  these  things 
will  I  give  thee  ;  mark  the  horrid  assumption  of  the  devil,  of 
a  power  over  the  kingdoms  of  the  world,  which  he  did  not  pos- 
sess. Man's  pride  is  not  to  be  compared  to  Satan's.  Satan's 
devices  may  be  known  by  the  nature  of  his  promises.  God's 
design  is  to  fit  us  for  the  other  world  ;  Satan  offers  this.  Learn 
hence,  that  the  glory  and  power  of  the  world  seemed  to  be 
given  to  Satan,  in  order  to  teach  us  how  low  an  estimate  we 
should  make  of  them.  Luther  said,  "the  whole  empire  was 
but  as  a  crust  to  throw  to  a  dog."  If  God  allows  his  enemy 
to  go  up  and  down  in  the  world,  how  deep  should  be  our  sus- 
picion of  the  world.  Mark  also  the  _/orce  of  the  temptation, 
implied  in  the  idea, — you  are  left  abandoned.  Satan's  pro- 
mises are  ?A\  future.  He  says  to  the  worldling,  the  merchant, 
the  scholar,  "  I  ivill  give  thee."  He  is  for  enlisting  man  in 
his  own  service,  and  for  making  him  an  idolater, — thus  trans- 
ferring the  heart  from  God  to  himself.  Again,  Satan's  pro- 
mises are  more  than  he  can  perform.  Did  he  ever  give  what 
he  promised?  He  never  can  perform  what  he  promises: — he 
flatters  that  he  may  destroy : — offers  the  bait,  but  hides  the 
hook.  But  supposing  he  could  and  ivould  perform  all, — how 
little  is  that  all.  I  must  hasten  to  judgment:  If  I  climb  the 
mountain,  I  must  descend  every  step  down  again,  less  pre- 
pared for  judgment: — then,  what  is  all?  What  does  it  do? 
it  excludes  my  sight  of  the  cross.  If  1  yield  to  one  temptation, 
my  feelings   are  gone; — my  si)i ritual   view  cannot   be  reco- 


396  FRAGMENTS,    ETC. 

vered ; — the  salt  has  lost  its  savour.  If  a  man  feels  the  pres- 
sure of  the  world  when  struggling  against  the  stream,  how 
shall  the  temptation  be  resisted  if  his  mind  be  wholly  occupied 
with  it? 

Ver.  10.  If  thou  wilt  fall  down  and  worship  me.  Satan 
will  use  his  utmost  skill  to  beguile  and  allure;  but  if  he  cannot 
do  this,  he  will  sometimes  seem  to  stride  across  the  path,  and 
dispute  the  road  with  us  ; — He  will  inject  blasphemous  thoughts. 
But  in  order  to  resist  him  successfully,  we  must  take  every 
step  looking  for  grace  and  help;  and  renouncing  all  self-de- 
pendence, say  only,  Get  thee  hence,  Satan,  for  it  is  written, 
thou  shalt  worship  the  Lord  thy  God,  and  him  only  shah  thou 
serve;  ver.  10.  Our  Lord  here  introduces  the  lawful  sove- 
reign: lie  does  not  argue  as  a  philosopher,  but  says,  "  It  is 
written,  thou  shalt  worship  the  Lord  thy  God ; "  not  a  traitor. 
The  service  of  God  lies  in  the  relation  we  stand  in  to  God. 
See  Deut.  vi.  13,  and  x.  20,  also  Joshua  xxiv.  14.  The  facts 
of  Scripture  are  not  for  speculation,  but  instruction. 

Let  the  young  Christian  prepare  for  temptation  ;  for  it  will 
assuredly  come.  Watch,  therefore,  and  pray.  Do  not,  with 
our  first  parents,  parley  with  temptation  :  safety  lies  in  flight. 
In  faithfully  resisting,  you  have  a  right  to  ten  thousand  pro- 
mises. Saian's  grand  device  is  to  divorce  us  from  God,  and 
to  keep  up  the  separation.  An  occasion,  exactly  fitted,  is 
more  than  half  a  temptation.  It  is  Satan's  cunning  to  draw  a 
man  within  the  reach  of  an  occasion.  Gilpin  says,  "  Satan 
succeeds  more  in  his  evil  designs  through  subtlety  than/brce." 
The  latter  stirs  up  an  opposition  ;  it  alarms  to  caution  ; — so 
that  where  force  should  gain  its  thousands,  subtlety  will  gain 
its  tens  of  thousands. 

Satan  enquires  into  a  man's  state — whether  regenerate,  or 
not:  into  his  constitution,  disposition,  place,  calling,  age,  &c., 
and  his  next  care  is  to  provide  suitable  temptations.  He  re- 
tains still  the  character  of  a  serpent, — and  will  use  his  utmost 
skill. 

There  are  not  only  common  times  of  danger,  but  there  are 
also  critical  times, — such  as  was  Peter's.  Satan's  point,  at 
all  times,  is  to  make  a  Christian  quit  his  ground,  and  his  place; 
and  when  he  has  done  this,  one  thing  more  remains  to  com- 
plete his  plan,  namely,  to  get  the  man  to  be  self-confident  and 
headstrong. 

Beware  of  running  into  danger:  you  are  only  safe  in  right 
ways.  Christ  was  led  up  of  the  Spirit  into  the  wilderness: 
He  had  a  special  call.     We  must  take  heed  not  to  go  on  Sa- 


ON    TEMPTATION.  397 

tan's  ground  ourselves :  but  if  we  are  suffered  to  be  brought 
into  temptation,  let  iis  say  with  Jacob  "  I  am  in  the  way  thou 
biddest  me  go."  However  crafty  and  violent  the  tempter,  he 
can  do  no  more  than  make  the  assault  : — but  he  cannot  carry 
his  point  without  our  consent;  he  is  held  by  a  chain.  Temp- 
tation puts  nothing  into  the  mind,  but  only  draws  out  the  evils 
that  are  latent  in  our  hearts. 

Take  care  of  whatever  would  endanger  you  ;  such  as  bad 
company,  where  the  enemy  lies  in  ambush  :  fear,  which  says, 
*' There  is  a  lion  in  the  way:  "  unbelief,  which  cries,  "you 
will  not  hold  out :  "  sloth,  which  complains,  "  there  is  too 
much  required."     All  these  are  Satan's  emissaries. 

Our  safest  way  is  to  stand  prepared  for  the  attacks  of  the 
enemy  :  we  should  know  he  is  coming  on ;  and  we  should 
consider  how  it  has  been  with  such  men  as  David,  Peter,  and 
others,  when  Satan  has  come  in  like  a  flood.  We  cannot  be 
too  cautious:  past  experience  will  tell  us  what  weak  creatures 
we  are :  a  secure  state  is  itself  a  temptation  :  one  of  the  en- 
deavours of  an  able  general  in  time  of  war  is  to  make  the  ene- 
my believe  he  is  doing  nothing. 

Lastly,  if  we  have  not  a  high  place,  let  us  seek  a  hiding- 
place.  Satan  has  furnished  us  with  a  valuable  piece  of  instruc- 
tion in  the  affairs  of  Job,  chap.  i. — that  he  could  not  touch 
him  without  God's  permission.  "  Hast  thou  not  made  a  hedge 
about  him  ? "  Dreadful  as  the  enemy  is,  he  can  go  no  farther 
than  he  is  permitted ;  therefore  let  us  not  be  driven  t>om  our 
post  because  of  danger.  Christ  liveth,  and  therefore  we  shall 
live  also.  He  is  the  most  safe  who  can  take  every  thing  to 
Christ,  and  say,  "  Lord,  consider  my  danger,  thou  knowest 
where  my  faith  will  fail."  The  greatest  advancement  in  the 
divine  life  is  that  perfect  confidence  in  God,  described  in  the 
Canticles,  "  I  sat  down  under  his  shadow  with  great  delight." 


34 


398  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

ON  A  CAVILLING  SPIRIT. 


Then  came  his  disciples  and  said  imto  him,  know  est  thou 
that  the  Pharisees  were  offended  after  they  heard  this 
saying  ?  But  he  answered  and  said,  every  plant  which 
my  heavenly  Father  hath  not  planted,  shall  be  rooted  iip^ 
Let  them  alone:  they  be  blind  leaders  of  the  blind:  and 
if  the  blind  lead  the  blind,  both  shall  fall  into  the  ditch.-^ 
Matt.  XV.  12—24. 

False  religion,  in  every  age,  is  setting  up  some  form  in  op- 
position to  the  spirit  of  true  religion.  The  truth  bears  hard 
upon  the  carnal  heart,  and  therefore  some  tradition,  or  some 
false  notion  must  be  brought  in  to  quiet  the  conscience,  it 
bears  hard  upon  a  man  to  support  his  aged  parents,  and  there- 
fore he  will  have  recourse  to  the  tradition  that  "  Whosoever 
shall  say  to  his  father  or  his  mother,  it  is  a  gift,  he  shall  be 
free,"  see  verses  5,  6.  He  will  put  a  piece  of  gold  into  the 
treasury,  and  that  serves  to  quiet  his  conscience  in  the  neglect 
of  the  command.  It  bears  hard  to  give  up  the  heart  to  God, 
and  therefore  some  ybrm  must  be  substituted.  "  This  people 
draweth  nigh  unto  me  with  their  mouth,  and  honourelh  me 
with  their  lips  ;  but  their  heart  is  far  from  me."  It  was  a 
great  matter  that  the  hands  should  be  washed  before  they  ate ; 
but  taking  care  of  the  aged  parents  could  be  set  aside.  This 
is  hypocrisy.  "  In  vain  do  they  worship  me,  teaching  for  doc- 
trines the  commandments  of  men."  It  had  been  accounted 
something  to  have  a  mere  form  of  religion,  though  it  was 
abomination  in  the  sight  of  God  ;  and  to  be  something  in  the 
sight  of  men  is  so  dear  to  the  carnal  heart,  that  it  is  no  wonder 
to  find  such  offences.  We  should  look  into  the  spirit  of  ob- 
jections:  It  is  very  common  in  this  corrupt  world — and  that 
even  among  professors — to  set  up  one  virtue  to  the  pulling 
down  of  another.  Thus  we  see  in  Mark  xiv.  4,  5,  "There 
were  some  that  had  indignation,  and  said.  Why  was  this  waste 
of  the  ointment  made?  for  it  might  have  been  sold  for  more 
than  three  hundred  pence  and  given  to  the  poor."  Here  we 
see  charity  set  up  to  oppose  the  honouring  of  Christ.  Sin  doth 
not  often  appear  abroad  without  a  veil :  when  malice  crucified 
Christ,  you  hear  only  of  zeal  for  the  law,  and  of  loyalty  to 
Caesar.     Do  not  suffer  the  devil  to  set  up  truth  in  order  to 


ON  A  CAVILLING    SPIRIT.  399 

sink  truth.  "  Divide  and  conquer,"  is  an  old  device  of  his  ; 
for  he  knows  tiiat  if  he  can  obtain  any  part  or  lot  in  the  mat- 
ter, he  shall  shortly  obtain  the  whole. 

The  disciples  said  unto  Christ,  Knowest  thou  the  Pharisees 
were  offended,  <^c.  But  he  ansivered  and  said,  Every  plant 
which  my  Heavenly  Father  hath  not  planted,  shall  be  rooted 
up.  In  this  reply,  our  Lord  expressed  no  surprise  at  the  ob- 
jection :  he  was  quite  prepared  for  it.  As  though  he  had  said, 
What  would  you  expect  of  Pharisees  ?  Consider  who  they 
are,  and  who  I  am  ;  consider  the  reception  which  my  doctrine 
must  ever  meet  with  while  the  heart  is  proud,  and  while  a 
party  spirit  prevails.  Observe,  that  instead  of  immediately 
attending  to  the  particular  expression  or  objection,  our  Lord 
comes  upon  general  ground,  and  applies  his  answer  to  every 
sort  of  false  character.  Every  plant  which  my  Heavenly 
Father  hath  not  planted  shall  he  rooted  vp.  There  is  a  gene- 
ral decree  gone  forth,  that  whatever  man  attempts  in  order  to 
mend,  alter,  or  improve  in  religion  contrary  to  the  Scripture, 
God  will  pull  it  down.  Such  a  man  may  admire  the  plants 
of  his  own  planting,  watch  them  carefully,  look  at  them  with 
delight;  but  if  they  are  plants  which  man  has  planted  and  not 
God,  He  will  pluck  them  up. 

From  this  subject,  let  us  le^xn,  first.  The  awful  consequences 
of  getting  into  a  new,  and  a  bye-path.  Let  them  alone  :  (i.  e.) 
the  case  is  morbid,  is  malignant ;  they  are  blind  leaders  of  the 
blind.  Note,  there  is  nothing  more  awful  than  for  God  to  say 
of  a  man.  Let  him  alone. 

Secondly,  we  learn,  that  a  popular  leader,  and  an  infallible 
rule,  are  very  distinct  things.  But  by  which  must  we  stand  1 
Beware  of  taking  things  upon  credit,  however  popular  the 
teacher.  Examine  for  yourself:  search  the  Scriptures:  re- 
member there  are  blind  leaders  of  the  blind  ;  and  if  any  choose 
implicitly  to  follov/  such  leaders,  they  shall  both  fall  into  the 
ditch. 

But  it  may  be  asked,  Will  God  suffer  ihc  followers  to  perish 
with  a  blind  leader?  The  best  way  for  a  poor,  blind,  ignorant 
creature  like  man,  is,  to  dismiss  all  opinions  upon  what  it  is 
proper  for  God  to  do,  and  to  look  into  the  word  to  know  what 
he  says  he  will  do.  And  he  says,  Both  shall  fall  into  the 
ditch. 

We  are  hereby  instructed  that  we  should  not  only  weigh 
the  objections  which  men  are  bringing  to  the  Gospel,  but  also 
the  spirit  of  the  objectors.  How  should  the  carnal  heart  feel 
any  thing  but  disgust  at  the  way  of  salvation?     So  far  from 


400  FRAGIttENTS,  ETC. 

being  surprised  at  this,  we  should  be  surprised  if  it  were  not  so. 

It  is  easy  for  a  cavilling  infidel  to  puzzle  and  tease  a  simple 
icrnorant  Christian  with  objections  and  questions  :  but  wore 
they  to  make  the  same  attack  upon  men  who  have  long  studied, 
and  are  well  informed  in  theology,  their  objections  would  ex- 
cite contempt,  rather  than  present  any  difficulty.  That  which 
is  a  mountain  to  the  simple  and  unlearned,  is  only  a  mole-hill 
to  men  of  learning,  wisdom,  and  experience.  Infidel  objec- 
tions arise  more  from  an  indisposed  heart  than  an  inquiring 
mind.  "  We  will  not  have  this  man  to  reign  over  us,"  is  the 
true  source  of  cavilling.  Such  persons  are  glad  when  they 
can  furnish  themselves  with  objections.  And  it  is  an  awful 
truth,  that  those  who  will  seek,  shall  find  them. 

I  would  admonish  the  more  serious,  not  to  think  of  deriving 
advantage  from  being  merely  nominal  professors.  Our  reli- 
gion must  be  of  that  kind  that  will  stand  the  "  refiner's  fire" 
and  the  "  fuller's  soap."  It  will  not  do  to  bring  the  ac^sonly, 
but  the  spirit.  This  is  no  speculative  point ;  especially  if  the 
misled,  as  well  as  the  mis-leader,  must  fall  into  the  pit.  Do 
not  say,  that  any  thing  will  do,  provided  a  man  be  but  sincere. 
No  man  is  sincere  who  does  not  examine  the  truth  impartially, 
seriously,  thoroughly.  Will  a  man  in  business  be  put  off  with 
any  thing  that  will  do  ?  Will  he  not  sift  things  to  the  bottom  ? 

Lastly,  there  is  great  encouragement  to  such  as  are  fearful 
of  being  led  wrong,  and  are  sincerely  desirous  of  being  led 
aright.  When  the  disciples  brought  the  matter  to  Jesus,  he 
instructed  them  how  to  think  on  the  subject — verses  15 — 20. 

Many  volumes  have  been  written  upon  casuistry,  but  the 
best  casuist  is  an  uprij^ht  heart:  it  is  evil  lusts  and  passions 
which  make  men  go  to  casuists.  Religion  makes  an  attack  upon 
the  world,  the  flesh,  and  the  devil ;  and  therefore  as  "  men  love 
darkness  better  than  light,"  they  choose  to  cavil  with  truth  as 
an  excuse  for  rejecting  it. 


401 

ON  THE  HOLY  TRINITY 


Go  ye,  therefore,  and  teach  all  nations,  baptizing  them  in 
the  name  of  the  Father,  and  of  the  Son,  and  of  the  Holy 
Ghost :  teaching  them  to  observe  all  things  whatsoever  I 
have  commanded  you:  and,  lo,  I  am  with  you  alway, 
even  unto  the  end  of  the  world.  Amen. — Matt,  xxviii. 
19.20. 

It  is  a  question  of  the  utmost  importance,  which  every  man 
should  ask  himself,  "  What  is  the  God  whom  I  worship?"  Are 
we  idolaters,  or  do  we  worship»fthe  God  of  the  Scriptures?  In 
order  to  know  this,  we  must  come  to  God  with  humility,  to  be 
taught  and  instructed  by  him.  And  as  a  further  help  we  shall 
do  well  to  observe  the  minds  of  holy  men. 

Our  Lord  had  appointed  his  disciples  to  meet  him,  ver.  16, 
"  And  when  they  saw  him,  they  worshipped  him  ;  but  some 
doubted."  They  were  astonished  at  the  sight  of  him  who  so 
lately  w^as  crucified.  And  he  said,  All  power  is  given  unto 
me  in  heaven  and  in  earth,  and  by  virtue  of  this  power,  Go 
ye  and  teach  all  nations,  go,  by  my  authority, — go  encour- 
aged,— go  with  my  blessing,  Go,  teach  all  nations  ;  or,  go 
and  enlist  them  ;  Go  and  disciple  them;  and  as  a  sign  of  this, 
Go,  and  baptize  them  in  the  name  of  the  Father,  and  of  the 
Son,  and  of  the  Holy  Ghost. 

But  into  whose  name  are  they  to  be  baptized  ?  If  they  should 
be  questioned  by  the  heathens  around  them,  "  Who  is  your 
God!"  What  are  they  to  say  ?  To  settle  this  beyond  all  dis- 
pute, they  are  commanded  to  baptize,  "  in  the  name  of  the 
Father,  and  of  the  Son,  and  of  the  Holy  Ghost."  It  is  not 
said  the  names,  but  the  name.  Here  is  a  distinction  made  be- 
tween the  Christian's  God  and  other  gods.  It  was  the  Father, 
Son,  and  Spirit  in  unity  whom  they  were  to  worship.  It  was 
to  he  one  name.  Go,  and  baptize  them  into  the  profession,  into 
the  worship  of  this  God.  Teaching  them  to  observe  all  things 
whatsoever  1  have  commanded  you :  build  them  up  in  this  faith  ; 
and  take  this  for  your  encouragement,  Lo,  I  am  with  you  al- 
way,  (^'c. — remember  this  under  all  your  discouragements, — 
under  all  your  cares  and  conflicts, — that  /  a7n  with  you.  Not 
with  my  bodily  presence;  but  I  will  send  you  the  Comforter; 
I  will  send  vou  my  Spirit  and  influence;  I  will  set  my  seal  to 
*34 


402  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

your  work  ?  I  will  bless  your  word  ; — and  "  lam  with  you  al- 
way,  even  unto  the  end  of  the  world."  "  Where  two  or  three 
are  gathered  together  in  my  nanne  there  am  1  in  the  midst."  I 
am  with  you  always  ;  every  day,  and  every  hour  of  the  day, 
to  the  end  of  the  world. 

It  would  be  well  for  us  who  do  not  live  in  what  is  called  an 
idolatrous  country, — who  do  not  worship  the  work  of  men's 
hands,  and  who  are  often  shocked  at  the  gross  ignorance  of 
those  that  do,  to  ask, — is  there  no  other  sort  of  idolatry  ?  May 
we  not  set  up  reason  against  Revelation  1  What  is  the  differ- 
ence between  an  idol  set  up  by  the  hands  of  man,  or  by  the 
head  of  man  ?  If  we  do  not  worship  the  God  in  Trinty  and 
Unity,  we  may  wonder  at  the  folly  of  others,  but  we  are  far 
worse  idolaters  than  those  who  worship  wood  and  stone. 

If  God  had  not  instructed  us  in  his  worship, — if  he  had  not 
condescended  to  make  a  revelation  of  Himself, — we  must  have 
remained  in  total  ignorance  and  darkness  :  for  what  man  can  do 
towards  finding  out  God,  is  proved  by  the  misconceptions  and 
mistakes  he  has  fallen  into.  But  after  God  has  spoken  to  us, 
what  pride,  arrogance,  and  presumption  are  there  in  that  man 
who  would  set  up  his  own  reason  against  such  a  revelation. 
No  man,  however  elevated,  and  however  great  may  be  his  at- 
tainments in  religion,  can  think  of  God  without  a  mixture  of 
much  infirmity  and  ignorance.  There  are  some  who  are  given 
to  speculate  and  pry  into  the  mysterious  truths  of  Scripture  ; 
men  who  in  divinity  resemble  quacks  in  physic  ;  that  say, 
"  We  have  such  confused  ideas  of  a  God  in  Trinity,  that  we 
scarcely  know  how  to  address  Him  in  our  prayers;"  and  there- 
fore in  order  to  bring  Him  down  to  their  comprehension,  they 
attempt  to  lower  God. — Such  are  the  Socinians,  &c. 

Should  any  person  ask,  does  this  passage  seem  conclusive 
with  respect  to  the  doctrine  of  the  Trinity?  It  appears  that 
when  this  Scripture  is  compared  with  those  other  Scriptures 
which  give  the  highest  titles  and  attributes  of  Deity  to  each 
of  the  three  persons,  it  undoubtedly  affords  the  fullest  satis- 
faction with  respect  to  the  God  of  the  Scriptures,  and  the  God 
whom  we  worship;  for  if  we  were  to  admit  that  there  is  no 
analogy  in  nature  to  this  wonderful  mystery,  we  cannot  won- 
der that  in  all  nature  there  is  nothing  that  can  reach  the  God 
of  nature.  We  do  not  plead  for  human  explications  and  illus- 
trations which  some  good  men  have  made  use  of  in  order  to 
give  a  faint  idea  of  this  stupendous  mystery  :  we  plead  for 
nothing  but  the  faith  once  delivered  to  the  saints.  Go,  and 
teach  all  nations,  baptizing  them  in  the  name  of  the  Father, 


ox  THE  HOLY  TRINITY.  403 

and  of  the  Son,  and  of  the  Holy  Ghost.  To  receive  this 
truth,  we  must  come  with  a  mind  prepared,  and  with  a  teacha- 
ble spirit ;  we  must  come  as  little  children,  to  be  instructed  and 
taught  of  God. 

Suppose  upon  the  going  forth  of  the  disciples,  a  newly  con- 
verted and  baptized  heathen  should  be  questioned,  why  he  de- 
sorted  from  his  former  gods.  No  doubt  he  would  reply,  "Be- 
cause I  see  a  superior  splendour  and  excellence  in  Christianity; 
I  see  a  Saviour  suited  to  my  wants  ;  and  moreover,  1  see  the 
gods  of  the  heathens  to  be  no  gods.''''  Suppose  again  it  should 
be  asked  him,  "  Who  is  this  God  1"  Must  he  not  have  an- 
svi^ered, — "  The  apostle  who  preached  the  Gospel  to  me,  com- 
manded water  to  be  brought,  a-nd  after  washing  me  according 
to  the  institution,  he  said.  Dost  thou  renounce  the  devil  and  all 
his  works,  &c.;  dost  thou  believe  in  the  Father,  Son,  and  Holy 
Ghost?  I  then  baptize  thee  into  this  name,  into  this  profes- 
sion, into  this  faith."  If  a  heathen  would  answer  in  this  man- 
ner, (as  no  doubt  he  would,)  Can  we  as  Christians,  give  a  bet- 
ter answer?  We  were  baptized  into  the  name  of  the  Father, 
and  of  the  Son,  and  of  the  Holy  Ghost. 

It  is  no  wonder  that  the  Socinian,  and  others  who  object  to 
the  doctrine  of  the  Trinity,  should  object  also  to  apostolical 
authority;  and  should  say,  "  Tell  me  not  what  Peter  or  John 
say,  but  tell  me  what  Clirht  says."  But  such  a  one  should 
be  asked, — By  what  authority  and  by  whose  direction  do  these 
men  speak  and  act  ?  and  what  power  had  Christ  thus  to  author- 
ize them  ?  Will  any  man  dare  to  say  he  had  not  such  a  power  ? 
It  appears  that  he  had;  "All  power  is  given  unto  me  in  heaven 
and  in  earth,  go  ye  therefore  and  teach  all  nations."  And  our 
Saviour  declares  in  Luke  x.  16.  "  He  that  heareth  you  heareth 
me ;  and  he  that  despiseth  you  despiseth  me."  Nay,  he  adds 
in  Matt.  xvi.  19,  the  strongest  expression,  "  Whatsoever  ye 
shall  bind  on  earth  shall  be  bound  in  heaven."  Will  any  man 
affect,  after  this  to  set  aside  apostolical  authority? 

They  who  slight  apostolical  authority,  are  generally  the 
first  to  insist  most  vehemently  upon  their  ow7i  authority  ;  and 
to  speak  with  great  positiveness  upon  what  men  ought,  and 
ought  not  to  believe;  and  while  we  see  scraccly  any  two  of 
them  agreeing  what  the  truth  is,  surely  it  is  a  reason  why  we 
should  turn  our  ears  from  them,  and  turn  to  the  word  of  truth, 
which  declares,  that  through  Ilitn,  i.  e.  through  Christ,  one  of 
the  Divine  Persons  in  the  Trinity,  we  should  have  access,  by  the 
Spirit,  another  of  the  Divine  Persons,  to  the  Father.  There- 
fore while  others  trust  their  immortal  souls  upon  a  precarious 


404  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

opinion,  let  us  build  upon  "  the  foundation  of  the  apostles  and 
prophets,  Jesus  Christ  himself  being  the  chief  corner  stone." 

We  are  strongly  encouraged  by  the  gracious  promise  of  our 
Lord  to  hold  fast  to  this  faith  into  which  we  have  been  bap- 
tized. Lo,  I  am  with  you  alway,  even  unto  the  end  of  the 
world.  He  was  with  Peter,  when  under  his  sermon  three 
thousand  were  converted  at  once  ;  who  were  taught  to  believe 
that  their  hope,  their  dependence,  their  all,  rested  on  "  the 
grace  of  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ,  and  the  love  of  God,  and  the 
fellowship  of  the  Holy  Ghost." 

Where  the  main  leading  truths  of  Christianity  are  given  up, 
and  where  a  church  has  departed  from  the  worship  of  the 
Scriptural  God,  "  Ichabod'"  is  written  upon  it ;  there  is  no  life^ 
- — no  spirituality, — the  glory  is  departed. 


The  grace  of  the  Lord  Jesvs  Christ,  and  the  love  of  God, 
and  the  communion  of  the  Holy  Ghost  be  with  you  all. 
Amen. — 2  Cor.  xiii.  14.^ 

We  may  here  see  a  picture  of  primitive,  genuine  Christian- 
ity,— what  it  was  in  the  Apostle's  time :  we  see  St.  Paul  hold- 
ing up  to  view  the  grace  of  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ  as  his  best 
po'rtion  ;  and  directing  the  eyes  of  his  primitive  Church  to  the 
same  object.  Shall  we  seek  after  fresh  objects?  Shall  we  seek 
after  something  new?  the  very  name  ofnew  should  alarm  our 
suspicions. 

The  Apostle  seems  here  to  take  for  granted  that  the  Corin- 
thians would  not  dispute  about  the  object  of  their  worship,  but 
addresses  them  as  believers,  baptized  into  the  name  of  the  Fa- 
ther, Son,  and  Spirit ;  and  then  introduces  his  prayer  for  them, 
including  an  apostolic  blessing. 

We  are  called  to  regard  the  Trinity  in  unity, — the  God  whom 
the  Scriptures  declare:  we  are  therein  taught,  that  there  are 
three  distinct  persons  in  the  eternal  Godhead  ;  and  that  our 
mere  assent  to  this  doctrine  is  not  enough  :  we  must  have  the 
love  of  the  Father,  the  fellowship  of  the  Holy  Ghost,  and  the 
p-race  of  the  Son,  or  we  shall  derive  little  or  no  advantage  from 
our  belief  oi'ihe  doctrine. 

» Preached  in  the  year  1792, 


ON  THE  HOLY  TRINITY.  405 

Men  may  wrangle  about  the  doctrines  of  the  Trinity — they 
may  make  the  pulpit  and  the  press  teem  with  their  productions; 
but  blessed  is  the  man  who  sees  a  God  in  Trinity,  and  who 
has  fellowship  and  communion  with  the  Father,  Son,  and  Spirit. 

Let  us  remember  that  speculative  orthodoxy  will  avail  us 
little.  Trinitarians  and  Socinians,  when  they  have  settled  the 
point,  agree  to  live  without  paying  any  regard  to  what  they 
have  settled.  If  there  is  nothing  more  than  a  mere  opinion,  it 
signifies  little  whether  it  be  right  or  wrong.  A  man  who  is 
careless  and  worldly,  says,  "  I  am  a  Socinian,  I  am  a  pJdloso- 
pher  :^^  If  you  are  living  without  God,  and  disregarding  the 
grace  of  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ,  you  are  nothing. 

But  are  there  not  also  many  who  maintain  the  old  faith  re- 
specting the  Triune  God,  and  who  yet  live  in  the  same  way? 
They  stand  up  for  three  persons  in  the  Godhead, — profess  to 
have  no  hope  but  in  the  grace  of  Jesus  Christ, — and  yet  are 
they  not  utterly  unconcerned  about  their  souls'?  about  having 
the  love  of  God  in  their  hearts  ?  Do  they  know  any  thing  of 
vital,  spiritual  religion  ? 

Be  not  satisfied  with  a  merely  speculative  faith  :  these  truths 
are  revealed  for  our  benefit.  If  you  would  be  the  better  for 
the  doctrine  of  the  ever-blessed  Trinity, — consider  your  deep 
depravity, — and,  like  the  Prodigal  Son,  make  haste  to  your 
heavenly  Father,  and  say,  "  I  have  sinned." 

Some  people  seem  to  understand  that  they  must  return  to 
God,  and  that,  by  the  way  He  has  appointed  ;  but  they  stop 
short  of  the  infiiience  by  which  they  must  return.  It  is  neces- 
sary that  we  do  honour  to  the  Three  persons  of  the  Sacred 
Trinity  :  we  come  to  the  Father  through  Christ,  by  the  assis- 
tance of  the  Holy  Ghost.  Thus  are  believers  built  up  in  their 
"  most  holy  faith." 

There  are  some  persons  blind  enough  to  plead  for  the  inno- 
cence of  error.  "  What  does  it  signify,"  say  they,  "  what 
doctrines,  or  what  sentiments,  we  maintain,  so  long  as  we  are 
sincere  therein  !  But  take  notice,  He  who  rejects  the  God  of 
the  Scriptures  has  no  resource  :  he  has  trampled  on  the  truth  ; 
and  God  has  laid  no  other  foundation  for  the  sole  of  his  foot. 
What  is  idolatry?  not  merely  an  image,  but  the  setting  up  of 
a  false  God.  You  will  never  see  the  evil  of  sin,  till  you  be- 
hold God  the  Son  veiling  himself  in  sinful  flesh,  and  dying  to 
•make  reconciliation  for  sinners;  nor  will  you  see  the  vast  ex- 
pense of  redemption,  till  you  see  God  as  He  has  revealed  him- 
self in  his  word.  While  some  men  are  taking  away  the  hope 
and  glory  of  the  Gospel,  and  others  are  esteeming  it  lightly, 


406  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

they  do  not  consider  that  they  pull  down  with  one  hand,  and 
build  up  nothing  with  the  other.  If  we  have  no  God  to  go  to 
in  trouble,  we  have  not  the  resource  David  had,  for  he  could 
say,  "  Though  I  walk  through  the  valley  and  shadow  of 
death,  I  will  fear  no  evil, ybr  tliou  art  imlJi  me."  It  is  a  cor- 
rupt nature  that  you  have  brought  into  the  world,  and  nothing 
can  heal  you  but  the  blood  of  Jesus  ;  nothing  can  comfort  you 
but  the  communion  of  the  Spirit.  But  remember,  that  while 
God  gives  you  this  foundation  to  build  upon,  you  have  only  a 
short  time  allowed  for  building.  He  tells  us  that  "  the  founda- 
tion of  God  standeth  sure,"  and  that  it  shall  support  every  poor 
trembling  sinner;  and  it  has  moreover  this  seal,  "  The  Lord 
knowelh  them  that  are  his ;"  and  he  chargeth  every  one  that 
nameth  the  name  of  Christ  to  depart  from  iniquity."  If  you 
hold  these  truths  praciically,  and  experimentally,  it  is  given 
every  minister  to  declare  by  the  authority  of  God,  that  "  he 
that  believeth  shall  be  saved,"  and  shall  lack  nothing :  "  One 
thing  is  needful ;"  and  whoever  like  Mary,  chooses  "  the  bet- 
ter part,"  it  shall  never  be  taken  away  from  them.  It  is  as 
if  God  had  said, — Here  is  a  large  estate ;  to  whom  shall  I  give 
it?  to  one  of  my  enemies.  Who  shall  have  this  vast  Empire? 
some  tyrant  that  sets  up  himself  against  me  and  my  Kingdom. 
What!  shall  these  gifts  be  bestowed  on  an  enemy?  Yes,  be- 
cause they  are  little  momentary  things ;  I  have  different  gifts 
for  viy  children  :  "  these  are  crusts  which  may  be  thrown  to 
dogs."^  But  for  the  poorest,  the  most  dependent  of  uiy  chil- 
dren, there  is  nothing  less  than  The  grace  of  the  Lord  Jesus 
Christ,  and  the  love  of  God,  and  the  fellowship  of  the  Holy 
Ghost. 

We  may  learn  from  the  text,  to  exercise  a  mutual  benevo- 
lence,  and  a  mutual  prayer.  St.  Paul  cannot  leave  his  brethren 
without  uttering  his  heart's  desire  for  them.  There  is  in  the 
Christianity  of  some  men,  a  hardness  and  a  coldness,  though 
3i  clearness ;  they  resemble  the  moon  which,  though  bright 
and  beautiful,  will  freeze  and  starve  the  person  who  stands  to 
admire  it.  There  may  be  a  body  of  truth,  but  without  blood 
and  spirits  :  nothing  in  it  that  is  refreshing,  comforting,  or  ani- 
mating. But  neither  the  soul  nor  the  church  can  flourish  with- 
out warm  benevolence  and  affection.  Mere  knowledge  is  not 
enough  ;  there  must  be  an  impression,  there  must  be  a  tender- 
ness of  spirit.  Every  man  knows  that  he  ought  to  pay  his 
debts — to  be  a  good  master — a  good  father — a  good  husband  : 

1  Martin  Luther. 


ON  THE  HOLY  TRINITY.  407 

but  before  he  can  do  all  this,  he  must  be  influenced  by  the  true 
spring  and  motive:  he  must  have  the  love  and  spirit  of  Christ 
to  enable  him  to  act  according  to  his  conscience  :  for  till  then, 
duty  W\\\  be  a  burden. 

Let  us  endeavour  to  imitate  the  Apostle,  and  exercise  the 
grace  of  affection  and  benevolence  to  all  with  whom  we  have 
to  do ;  and  let  us  beg  for  them,  and  for  ourselves,  a  more 
abundant  share  of  The  grace  of  the  Lord  Jesus  Christ,  and 
the  love  of  God,  and  the  communion  of  the  Holy  Ghost. 

Let  us  also  be  jealous  over  the  dangers  of  the  day  :  Satan 
is  always  making  attacks  upon  the  church  of  one  kind  or  ano- 
ther :  sometimes  upon  the  doctrines,  sometimes  upon  the  pre- 
cepts, sometimes  upon  the  spirit  of  the  Gospel :  therefore  we 
need  to  be  on  our  watch.  A  wise  general  not  only  observes 
his  own  army,  but  he  watches  the  designs  of  the  enemy.  We 
should  not  only  attend  to  what  is  doing  in  our  own  hearts,  but 
also  to  what  is  doing  around  us,  in  the  church  and  in  the 
world.  The  Christian  that  would  watch  effectually,  must 
watch  on  every  side.  There  have  always  been  a  sort  o^  ad- 
venturers in  religion,  who  have  frequently  made  a  great  noise 
in  the  world,  and  have  boasted  about  improvements,  and  new 
discoveries :  but  religion  is  not  like  arts  and  sciences,  which 
may  be  improved.  See  Heb.  xi.  and  compare  Christians  of 
the  present  day  with  those  of  old;  and  see  if  we  surpass  them. 
Kather  let  them  be  our  examples ;  let  us  mark  how  they 
walked,  and  talked;  what  they  did  in  trouble  ;  and  let  us  en- 
deavour to  resemble  them,  instead  of  listening  to  new  discove- 
ries. The  true  way  is  as  old  as  the  Bible,  and  has  one  conse- 
crated door.  See  John  x.  To  talk  of  a  new  religion  after  the 
Bible  has  been  written  so  many  hundred  years  is  a  monstrous 
imposition  :  but  to  be  reminded  of  old  truths  is  of  great  im- 
portance. 

Take  care  of  spiritual  wickedness:  that  is,  of  wickedness 
assuming,  and  hiding  itself  under,  spiritual  forms.  Satan  never 
does  more  mischief  than  when  he  appears  as  *' an  angel  of 
light."  St.  Jude  speaks  of  some  that  "  crept  in  unawares  :  " 
no  doubt  they  wore  a  holy  garb, — a  cloak  to  cover  their  evil 
designs. 


408  FRAGMEXSTS,  ETC. 

DANGER  OF  DECLENSION  IN  RELIGIOxN, 


And  he  wist  not  that  the  Lord  ivas  departed  from  Idm.— 
Judges  xvi.  20. 

It  is  the  duty  of  every  Christian  to  examine  the  symptoms 
of  a  declension  from  God,  in  order  that  we  may  try  and  prove 
ourselves.  Have  we  lost  our  love  to  spiritual  things,  or,  do 
we  want  to  mix  them  with  carnal  things?  Do  we  endeavour 
to  find  many  excuses  and  palliations  for  what  God  has  frowned 
upon  in  his  wordi  Do  we  allow  ourselves  to  lie  down  in  the 
lap  of  indulgence,  and  are  we  indisposed  to  be  roused  when 
there?  Are  we  apt  to  be  careless,  negligent,  and  off  our 
watch  tower?  Can  we  rest  upon  past  experiences ?  upon  what 
we  have  been,  instead  of  what  we  now  a7'e?  Can  we  be  quiet 
and  easy  in  this  state,  without  praying  and  entreating  for  a  re- 
vival? These  are  dreadful  symptoms  that  we  are  at  an  awful 
distance  from  God,  and  that  we  have  only  the  shell  of  Chris- 
tianity, but  not  the  reality.  God  not  being  present,  implies 
not  only  the  presence  of  an  enemy,  but  the  prevalence  of  an 
enemy  also.  If  God  is  not  with  us,  the  devil  is  ;  and  he  will 
prevail  to  our  hurt.  "  Woe  also  to  them  when  I  depart  from 
them."  Hosea  ix.  12. 

Whatever  part  of  God's  character  we  consider,  we  must 
never  Ibrget  he  is  a  holy  God.  He  seems  to  say,  Observe, 
Samson  does  not  go  on  in  sin,  and  /stay  with  him.  I  am  a 
jealous  God,  and  will  not  bear  testimony  to  sin  in  any  of  my 
children.  (See  the  case  of  the  disobedient  prophet.)  To  be- 
long to  God  is  a  high,  but  a  very  serious  thing. 

We  should  be  much  in  the  contemplation  of  the  deceitful- 
ness  of  sin;  how  it  beguiles,  how  it  creeps  in,  and  how  it 
transforms  a  mhn.  It  comes  like  Jael's  present;  "she  gave 
him  milk,  she  brought  forth  butter  in  a  lordly  dish :"  but  she 
concealed  the  hammer  and  the  nail.  Samson  thought  to  pros- 
per as  he  had  done  before,  but  the  Lord  was  departed :  his 
strength  was  gone,  and  he  must  now  "grind  in  the  prison 
house."  He  that  will  meddle  with  sin,  and  go  into  the  way  of 
temptation,  w\\\fall  by  it. 

There  is  in  sin  not  only  an  infinite  damage  done,  but  an  in- 
fatuation also  that  surpasses  all  description.  When  the  heart 
declines  from  God,  and  loses  communion  with  Christ,  such  a 


DANGER  OF  DECLENSION  IN    RELIGION.  409 

nian  resembles  one  in  a  consumption,  who  is  at  death's  door, 
and  yet  talks  of  a  speedy  recovery.  So  it  is  also,  both  in  the 
case  of  ministers  and  people,  whom  Satan  hath  desired  to  have, 
that  ho  may  sift  them  as  wheat:  like  Ephraim,  there  has  per- 
haps been  a  death  upon  their  spirit,  which  has  been  marked 
and  felt  by  all  around  them ;  yet  when  their  most  affectionate 
friends  have  attempted  to  expostulate  with  them,  they  have 
proved  not  only  insensible,  but  obstinate  and  stout-hearted. 
We  have  a  striking  picture  of  this  in  the  famous  champion  of 
Israel;  "  1  will  go  out  as  at  other  times  before,  and  shake  my- 
self:" but  he  wist  not  that  the  Lord  teas  departed  from  him. 
Strangers  had  "  devoured  his  strength,"  but  he  knew  it  not. 
He  that  lays  his  head  in  the  lap  of  temptation,  will  very  rarely 
take  it  up  as  he  laid  it  down. 

All  earthly  enjoyments  have  a  tendency  to  darken  the  mind  ; 
and  such  is  the  power  and  energy  of  sin,  that  if  but  the  least 
thought  of  it  is  cherished  in  the  heart,  it  will  spread  ruin  and 
devastation  on  every  hand.  It  is  like  a  spark  of  fire,  which  if 
it  falls  upon  combustible  materials,  will  burn  down  a  whole 
town.  See  Samson  though  so  great  a  man,  yet  involving  him- 
self, through  a  vile  propensity,  in  the  most  ruinous  conse- 
quences :  and,  at  the  same  time,  insensible  and  unconscious  of 
the  deep  infatuation.  ''He  wist  not  that  the  Lord  was  de- 
parted from  him."  To  destroy  the  soul's  union  with  God,  is 
what  the  world,  the  flesh,  and  the  devil  aim  at. 

Let  us,  from  this  subject,  take  a  view  of  man — how  weak 
he  is.  U  God  departs  from  him,  he  is  crushed  as  a  moth  : 
nothing  is  too  insignificant  to  chastise  and  alarm  him  :  and  this 
is  not  all,  but  whenever  any  Christian  is  suffered  to  depart  from 
God,  he  makes  sport  for  the' wicked  wherever  he  goes. 

In  the  darkest  and  most  afflictive  dispensations  of  God's 
children,  we  may  read  grace  and  mercy.  While  Samson  was 
bound  with  fetters  of  brass,  and  made  to  grind  in  the  prison 
house,  "the  hair  of  his  head  began  to  grow  again;"  which 
was  a  sign  of  his  returning  strength.  There  is  mercy  when 
God  sends  stroke  after  stroke  upon  the  man  who  has  departed 
from  him  ;  when  he  makes  the  heart  to  bleed,  and  the  eyes  to 
run  down  with  tears,  in  order  to  bring  a  wanderer  back  again. 
"  Before  I  was  aOlicted,"  says  David,  "  I  went  astray,  but  now 
I  keep  thy  word." 

Many  a  man  has  kicked  against  his  dispensation,  and  said, 
"  I  will  be  comfortable,  I  will  go  and  sliakc  myself  as  at 
other  times;"  but  he  will  never  find  comfort  or  healing,  or  re- 
cover his  strength,  till  he  seeks  it  by  the  blood  of  Jesus.  "  In 
35 


410  •  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

that  day  thou  shalt  say,  O  Lord,  I  will  praise  thee :  though 
thou  wast  angry  with  me,  thine  anger  is  turned  away,  and 
thou  comfortest  me  ;"  thou  shalt  have  ground  to  say,  and  dis- 
position to  say,  "  /  will  praise  thee.'''' 

If  we  would  wage  war  successfully  with  hell,  it  must  be  un- 
der this  impression,  namely,  that  God  is  ^friend.  Nothing 
repels  sin  like  it :  when  the  heart  feels  the  loving-kindness  of 
God  in  the  gospel,  and  experiences  a  nearness  of  approach  to 
him,  when  it  feels  a  forgiveness  and  sv/eetness  in  Christ,  there 
is  not  only  a  seven-fold  shield  against  sin  and  Satan,  but 
heaven  is  begun  in  the  heart.  What  is  sensibility  of  con- 
science, but  the  first  mark  of  God's  good  will  towards  us?  See 
Hosea  xiv.  1,  2.  "O  Israel,  return  unto  the  Lord  thy  God; 
for  thou  hast  fallen  by  thine  iniquity.  Take  with  you  words," 
&c.  The  best  sign  we  can  have  that  God  is  renewing  our 
spiritual  strength,  is,  the  gift  of  a  broken  heart.  We  must  re- 
turn  to  the  Lord  by  faith,  hope,  prayer,  repentance,  and  obedi- 
ence;  and  he  will'undertake  for  all  consequences. 

When  God  chooses  to  imprison  a  man,  any  place  will  serve 
for  a  dungeon ;  it  signifies  little  whether  it  be  a  palace  or  a  pit. 
He  can  make  a  single  idea  passing  through  the  mind  a  fetter, 
to  lock  up  the  soul  in  prison.  "  He  shutteth  up  a  man,  and 
there  can  be  no  opening."  On  the  other  hand,  let  every  be- 
liever remember,  that  there  is  no  state  that  sin  and  Satan  can 
throw  a  man  into,  but  God  can  bring  him  out:  there  is  no 
place,  nor  state,  but  admits  of  prayer— hell  only  excepted. 
Therefore  David  prays,  "  Bring  my  soul  out  of  prison,  that  I 
may  praise  thy  name."  We  must  plead  with  God  :  it  is  a 
good  symptom  when  we  desire  enlargement.  Imprisonment 
is  often  for  correction,  humbling,  improvement.  Satan  at  such 
a  time  is  a  preacher  of  despair  :  but  the  gospel  holds  out  hope. 
We  must  wait  God's  time  for  deliverance,  but  we  must  wait  in 
prayer :  the  promises  teach  us  how  to  pray :  there  are  pro- 
mises that  speak  to  our  case,  as  much  as  if  they  were  written 
for  us  alone :  Christ  is  a  faithful  High  Priest,  who  can  have 
compassion.  Heb.  ii.  2. 

Nothing  can  separate  us  from  God  but  sin ;  and  an  alarm 
sounding  in  the  conscience,  and  calling  us  to  return  to  him,  is 
the  first  step  to  Peace. 


411 
EPHRAIM  REJECTING  FALSE  CONFIDENCES. 


Ephraim  shall  say^  What  have  I  to  do  any  more  with  idols? 
1  have  heard  him^  and  observed  him:  I  am  like  a  green 
fir-tree^     From  me  is  thy  fruit  found. — Hosca  xiv.  8. 

We  often  read  the  Old  Testament,  as  if  it  did  not  relate  to 
us :  but  an  experience  of  God's  work  in  the  heart  will  correct 
this  error.  God's  word  has  been  to  us  the  same  from  the  be- 
ginning. And  what  he  speaks  to  his  people  Israel,  he  speaks 
to  us. 

God's  glory  must  ever  be  his  first  object :  it  alone  is  worthy 
to  be  the  first.  But  next  to  this,  the  Lord  hath  sent  his  Spirit 
and  his  word,  which  he  hath  raised  up  ministers  to  preach,  to 
show  unto  man  what  is  good,  and  to  recover  him  from  his 
fallen  state ;  and  if  he  will  turn  to  some  idol,  to  some  inferior 
object,  he  puts  God  away  from  him,  and  forsakes  his  own 
mercies. 

True  religion  is  a  transaction  between  God  and  the  soul : 
it  has  much  more  in  it  that  is  seen.  In  the  formalist,  all  that 
there  is,  may  be  "  seen  of  men  : "  but  the  Christian  is  a  hidden 
character. 

The  language  of  a  truly  penitent  and  believing  sinner,  is 
What  have  1  any  more  to  do  with  idols  1  An  idol  has  had 
my  heart,  and  has  robbed  God  of  his  honour  and  service ;  I 
have  tried  to  retain  it ;  I  have  fondly  hoped  that  God  and  my 
idol  might  live  together ;  I  cried,  "  Spare  it ;  is  it  not  a  little 
one?"  But  I  perceive  I  am  fallen  by  mine  iniquity;  I  am 
separated  from  God,  and  am  become  like  a  tree  without  sap ; 
and  therefore  what  must  I  do  ?  I  must  discard  Asshur;  I 
must  not  put  God  off  any  longer;  I  must  bring  him  my  heart ; 
He  is  "  a  Father  of  the  fatherless;  "  he  will  receive  me.  Hosea 
xiv.  4.  True  penitence  consists  not  only  in  sorrow  for  what 
is  past;  because  of  its  consequences,  but  it  is  another  sort  of 
mind.  See  Jer.  xxxi.  18.  "Turn  thou  me  and  so  shall  I  be 
turned."  1  desire  it ;  I  see  the  necessity  of  it :  "  Surely  after 
that  I  was  turned,  I  repented ;  and  after  that  I  was  instructed, 
I  smote  upon  my  thigh;  I  was  ashamed,  yea,  even  confounded, 
because  I  did  bear  the  reproach  of  my  youth," 

The  language  of  God  to  such  a  penitent  is,  /  have  heard 
him,  and  observed  him :  he  has  cried  to  me  in  secret ;  he  has 


412  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

said  to  me,  what  no  one  has  heard  but  myself;  and  I  will 
have  mercy  on  him.  I  have  observed  him;  he  has  brought 
all  his  burdens  and  his  sins,  the  blackest  and  the  heaviest,  all 
to  me :  he  has  not  complained  under  this  and  that  trouble,  but 
he  smites  upon  his  breast,  and  acknowledges  that  all  is  less 
than  he  deserves.  At  first  indeed,  he  was  "  like  a  bullock  un- 
accustomed to  the  yoke ; "  he  kicked  and  made  resistance : 
but  now  he  is  humble  and  patient :  "  I  do  earnestly  remember 
him  still."  I  have  heard  him  recount  his  follies,  and  his  past 
ingratitude :  I  have  heard  him  pour  out  prayers  and  tears  in 
secret ;  and  I  have  observed  him  to  go  like  the  sparrow  upon 
the  housetop,  solitary  and  apart,  that  he  might  converse  with 
me  :  he  now  no  longer  laughs  at  sin,  or  trifles  with  temptation  ; 
but  is  in  earnest  to  obtain  grace,  that  he  may  overcome  it : 
therefore  /  have  observed  him,  to  afford  him  that  relief  he 
stands  in  need  of;  to  refresh  him  in  his  weary  hours,  and  to 
heal  those  bones  that  are  broken ;  and  he  shall  not  only  have 
my  ear,  and  my  eye,  but  my  sufficiency  :  he  has  left  his  idols, 
and  he  shall  find  me  to  be  the  green  fir-tree. 

The  fir-tree,  especially  in  the  eastern  countries,  while  it  is 
prodigiously  high  and  lofty,  is  remarkable  for  its  bough  sstoop- 
ing.  This  is  one  of  the  many  figures  used  in  Scripture  to  set 
forth  the  character  of  God.  /  am  like  the  green  fir-free  ; 
though  infinitely  high  and  exalted  in  my  nature,  my  boughs 
shall  stoop  down  to  the  poor  broken-hearted  sinner,  if  he  be 
ever  so  low  ;  and  he  shall  find,  that  if  he  has  refuge  and  shade 
no  where  else,  he  may  come  and  sit  under  ray  shadow  with 
great  delight.  Ephraim  has  no  reason  to  despair,  or  to  be  cast 
down  ;  for  if  he  is  sincere  in  renouncing  his  idols,  here  is  shade 
and  shelter  afier  all  his  follies :  here  is  One  that  will  stoop 
down  to  take  him  up  from  the  very  earth ;  and  here  is  some- 
thing further— /rom  me  is  thy  fruit  found. 

Our  Lord  is  not  only  like  the  fir-tree  in  its  being  lofty,  and 
in  hs  being  always  green,  but  there  is  this  excellence  in  addi- 
tion,— there  is  fruit  ;  the  fruit  of  his  death  and  resurrection, 
the  fruit  of  his  Spirit.  It  is  from  union  wUh  Him  that  the  be- 
liever brings  forth  fruit:  "I  am  the  vine,  and  ye  are  the 
branches."  John  xv. 

A  believing  penitent  heart  feels  the  truth  of  these  things; 
and  like  the  Prodigal,  returns  back  to  his  Father's  house,  say- 
ing every  step  of  the  way, — Fool  that  1  was  ever  to  turn  my 
back  upon  my  home,  and  to  seek  after  the  husks  that  the 
swine  do  eat,  when  "  in  my  Father's  house  there  is  bread 
enough  and  to  spare  1  "     Let'^every  one  ask  his  heart  what  it 


EPHRAIM    REJECTING    FALSE    CONFIDENCES.  413 

says  to  these  things  :  not  when  it  is  under  a  particular  temp- 
tation ;  for  then  the  enquiry  cannot  be  made  fairly  :  but  when 
the  storm  is  over,  let  each  one  ask,  What  have  I  to  do  any 
more  icith  idols  / 

When  true  religion  comes  with  light  and  power,  it  shows  a 
man  that  whatever  is  the  form  of  his  idol,  it  is  mischievous 
and  destructive.  It  eats  as  doth  a  canker  ;  and  if  it  is  pursued, 
it  will  bring  about  certain  death.  True  religion  teaches  that 
the  first  step  towards  real  security,  is  to  put  away  false  confi- 
dences and  false  gods. 

Ephraim  generally  smarts  before  he  learns  to  say  with  pro- 
per indignation.  What  have  I  any  more  to  do  with  idols  ? 
they  have  first  been  made  thorns  in  his  side :  See  Hosea  ii.  6. 
*'  1  will  hedo-e  up  thy  way  with  thorns,  and  make  a  wall,  that 
she  shall  not  find  her  paths,"  and  verse  14.  "  I  will  allure 
her,  and  bring  her  into  the  wilderness."  The  Lord  makes  use 
of  natural  images  to  convey  spiritual  ideas:  We  all  know  what 
a  wilderness  is — a  dry  and  barren  place  :  it  is  famishing  ;  per- 
sons in  this  state  are  apt  to  try  broken  cisterns :  it  is  pathless 
and  thorny ;  entangled  and  perplexed  j  it  is  terrifying ;  the 
backslider  is  exposed  to  terrors  of  law  and  conscience ;  it  is 
dangerous, — *'  and  the  thief  cometh  in,  and  the  troop  of  rob- 
bers spoileth  without."  It  is  infested  with  venomous  animals, 
— the  serpent  ready  to  drop  on  his  neck,  the  tiger  to  spring  be- 
fore he  is  aware.  Perhaps  he  is  brought  into  the  solitary  sick 
chamber,  as  Manasseh,  David,  and  others :  as  though  God 
should  say, — I  will  bring  a  thoughtless  headstrong  child  into 
a  state  of  bad  health,  or  mortifying  disappointments ;  there 
shall'be  no  refreshing  streams:  and  all  this  is  intended  to 
humble,  to  instruct,  to  recall, — to  produce  brokenness  of  heart, 
and  poverty  of  spirit.  It  is  a  great  mercy  if  in  a  horrid  desert 
the  heavens  may  be  seen, — sun,  moon,  and  stars.  To  the  be- 
liever there  is,  in  the  worst  of  times,  a  prospect  upward.  "  I 
will  speak  comfortably  to  her  ;  "  there  shall  be  a  clear  shining 
after  rain. 

That  is  the  most  severe  dispensation  of  wrath,  when  God  says 
of  any  one,  "  Ephraim  is  joined  to  idols  :  let  him  alone."  I 
will  call  no  more;  I  will  no  more  correct:  give  him  all  that 
his  corrupt  heart  desires;  let  his  corn  and  wine  increase,  even 
to  the  full :  let  him  be  admired,  caressed,  idolized ;  let  him  be 
as  an  ox  fatted  for  the  slaughter ;  he  has  departed  from  me^ 
and  I  will  depart  from  him.  "  VVHiy  should  he  be  stricken 
any  more?  he  will  revolt  more  and  more."  This  is  the  voice 
of  judgment :  and  the  sword  of  judgment,  is  when  it  shall  be 
35* 


414  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

said,  "  Thou  fool,  this  night  thy  soul  shall  be  required  of  thee." 
But  the  voice  of  mercy  is.  Tell  Ephraim  the  symptoms  of  his 
decay — put  him  in  mind  of  his  danger — and  say  unto  him, 
"  Return  unto  the  Lord  thy  God."  What  is  all  this  but  a 
Father's  voice,  saying,  "  Why  will  ye  die?" 

There  is  no  real  cure  for  the  wounded  conscience  but  un- 
feigned repentance  and  humiliation.  There  is  a  sort  of  spirit- 
ual quackery  that  wdll  propose  an  easier  way  ;  that  will  allow 
you  to  sin  and  repent,  and  repent  and  sin  perpetually  :  but 
but  it  will  end  in  ruin.  (See  Rom.  vi.  1.)  The  heart  of  a 
perverse  and  rebellious  child  must  be  broken.  But  God  says. 
Do  not  faint  under  rebuke;  for  "  whom  the  Lord  loveth  he 
chasteneth,  and  scourgeth  every  son  whom  he  receiveth."  If 
Christ,  by  his  ministers,  is  showing  to  any  poor  idolater  the 
righteousness  and  truth  of  God,  herein  is  an  offer  of  grace 
made  to  him,  which  if  he  fully  accepts,  and  enters  into,  his 
flesh  shall  come  again  as  the  flesh  of  a  little  child.  Job  xxxii.  25. 
Let  us  expect  no  light  to  arise  in  darkness  but  what  comes 
from  the  rays  of  the  Sun  of  Righteousness.  The  promises  of 
light  are  all  in  Christ.  It  is  an  easy  thing  to  get  tapers  in  a 
dark  night :  Satan  is  ever  ready  to  furnish  them  for  us  :  but 
our  Lord  says,  "  /  am  the  true  light." 

As  the  revelation  of  Christ  is  the  light  of  the  world,  so  this 
light  of  the  world  is  the  peculiar  glory  of  every  true  believer. 
<'  In  the  Lord  shall  all  the  seed  of  Israel  be  justified,  and  shall 
glory."  Isaiah  xlv.  25. 

Whenever  the  pardon  of  sin  is  brought  into  the  conscience 
by  the  Holy  Spirit,  the  love  of  Christ  is  brought  also  by  the 
same  Spirit.  A  redeemed  sinner  never  wishes  to  rise  higher 
than  the  feet  of  the  Lord. 

Let  the  Christian  that  has  made  use  of  God's  remedy,  and 
is  recovered,  forget  not  the  way  he  has  travelled  through  the 
wilderness  that  he  has  passed,  and  that  others  are  passing 
through.  "  Thou  shalt  remember,"  says  God,  "  all  the  way 
which  the  Lord  thy  God  led  thee  these  forty  years,  to  humble 
thee  and  to  prove  thee,  to  know  what  was  in  thine  heart." 
See  Deut.  viii.  2.  Next  to  the  Bible,  there  is  no  book  more  in- 
teresting than  a  man's  own  life.  It  is  not  so  to  others,  but  it  is 
to  the  man  who  knows  the  'peculiarities,  the  colour,  of  every 
different  occurrence  :  vSuch  an  one  will  say  in  this  case,  and 
in  that,  "  This  is  the  Lord's  work,  and  it  has  made  known  His 


415 


CHRIST'S    INTERCESSION,  THE  BELIEVER'S  SE- 
CURITY. 


And  the  Lord  said,  Simon,  Simon,  hehold,  Satan  hath  de- 
sired to  have  you  that  he  may  sift  you  as  ivlieat :  but  I 
have  prayed  for  thee  that  tJiy  faith  fail  not :  and  when 
thou  art  converted,  strengthen  thy  brethren. — Luke  xxii. 
31,  :32. 

The  question  of  a  poor  weak  feeble  worm  should  be,  not, 
what  is  the  reputed  opinion  of  this  and  the  other  wise  man? — 
not,  what  is  the  fashionable  notion  of  the  day? — not,  what  the 
world  saith  respecting  the  "  roaring  lion?" — but,  what  saith 
the  Bible?  And  there  we  learn  he  is  a  real  enemy,  that 
"  goeth  about  seeking  whom  he  may  devour." 

Temptation  is  "  common  to  man."  It  follows  him  in  every 
situation,  in  the  crowd  and  in  solitude,  in  prosperity  and  in  ad- 
versity. Some  trials  are  more  immediately  from  God  :  thus  it 
is  said.  Gen.  xxii.  "  God  did  tempt  Abraham  :"  others  are 
more  directly  from  Satan,  as  in  Job's  case,  and  Joshua's. 
(Zech.  iii.  1.)  Some  are  from  particular  circumstances:  and 
some  take  their  rise  from  our  peculiar  turn  of  mind  and  con- 
stitution. When  temptation  is  brought  on  by  Satan,  it  is  al- 
ways with  the  design  to  terrify,  ensnare,  or  embarrass.  But 
when  it  is  in  the  hand  of  God,  it  is  always  a  school  to  make 
us  learn  our  weakness,  and  where  our  true  strength  lies :  or  to 
cure  some  self-confidence,  or  destroy  some  idol.  The  more 
eminent  the  character,  the  more  will  Satan  shoot  his  arrows 
at  him  ;  and  the  more  will  he  try,  especially  if  it  be  a  standard- 
bearer,  to  lay  him  asleep ;  to  poison  his  heart,  and  to  pervert 
his  steps.  A  man  cannot  be  too  cautious ;  past  experience 
will  tell  us  what  weak  creatures  we  are.  What  was  Peter's 
security  ?  not  his  knowlege,  not  his  illumination — though 
real, — but  the  intercession  of  Christ:  I  have  prayed  for  thee. 

"  Simon,  Simon,  Satan  hath  desired  to  have  you.''^  He 
hath  desired  it:  but  his  will  is  not  like  mine,  efficient:  never- 
theless, he  is  a  powerful  enemy,  and  he  desires  to  have  you  ; 
he  sees  where  you  are  likely  to  be  taken,  where  you  are  in 
danger;  and  he  desires  to  have  you,  that  he  may  sift  you  as 
wheat.  He  will  shake  and  winnow  you  ;  he  will  come  upon 
you  in  a  hurry,  unprepared ;  and  he  would  put  you  upon  dan- 


416  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

gerous  expedients:  but  I  am  a  faithful  High  Priest,  as  well  as 
a  watchful  shepherd;  I  stand  before  God  to  intercede  for  you  ; 
I  have  seen  his  desire,  and  have  prayed  that  you  may  be  sup- 
ported through  the  trial ;  and  that  your  faith  may  not  finally 
lail. 

Christ  not  only  prays  for  the  church  at  large,  but  for  indi- 
viduals :  "  I  have  prayed  for  thee  ;"  I  have  prayed  for  thy 
particular  danger;  I  have  regard  to  thee  under  thy  particular 
wants;  T  have  made  known  ihy  case  to  the  Father.  When 
we  think  of  our  refuge,  let  us  not  generalize  it,  but  see  it  to  be 
particular.  He  that  numbers  the  hairs  of  our  head,  surely 
regards  the  circumstances  of  our  lives. 

Jlnd  ivhen  thou  art  converted,  strengthen  thy  brethren  : 
when  you  are  recovered,  let  your  experience  enrich  others : 
be  a  counsellor  to  wanderers  :  tell  them  what  an  evil  and  bit- 
ter thing  it  is  to  depart  from  the  living  God  :  tell  such  as  are 
headstrong  like  yourself,  that  Satan  is  no  proper  subject  for  a 
song  or  a  jest,  but  that  he  is  an  awful  and  a  malignant  enemy. 
Tell  them  he  is  waiting  for  their  careless  moments,  wailing  to 
catch  them  off  their  guard,  that  he  may  be  their  destruction. 
You  will  meet  with  many  weak  and  tempted  souls  that  are 
saying,  like  David,  "  I  shall  one  day  perish  by  the  hand  of 
Saul;"  many  that  are  walking  in  perplexity  and  darkness,  and 
who  are  crying  out  because  of  their  wretchedness ;  strengthen 
these  weak  brethren  ;  tell  them  that  there  is  indeed  a  roaring 
lion,  but  tell  them  also,  that  there  is  "  the  Lion  of  the  tribe  of 
Judah,"  able  to  deliver:  that  all  the  children  of  God  are  thus 
tried  and  tempted  ;  and  that  they  have  only  to  lay  hold  of  the 
arm  of  Him  who  is  "  mighty  to  save."  Tell  them,  that  "  if 
any  man  sin,  there  is  an  advocate  with  the  Father:"  tell  them, 
how  1  kept  my  eye  on  your  particular  case,  and  that  their 
safety  rests  on  my  intercession.     I  have  prayed  for  thee. 

One  of  the  best  evidences  of  recovery  is,  love  lo  the  breth- 
ren, and  a  desire  to  honour  God.  Our  temptations  and  trials 
are  for  other  people  as  well  as  ourselves.  See  2  Cor.  i.  6. 
Therefore  David  prays  "Restore  unto  me  the  joy  of  thy  salva- 
tion, then  will  I  teach  transgressors  thy  ways." 

There  is  not  a  more  honourable  post  in  the  church  of  God, 
among  private  Christians,  than  that  of  an  old  soldier,  a  man 
who  has  long  travelled  the  ways  of  religion,  who  can  stand 
up  in  the  Christian  army,  and  rally  his  fellow  soldiers  under  a 
panic,  and  say,  "  God  forbid,  whatever  are  our  fears  and  suf- 
ferings, that  we  should  give  up  our  hope,  and  our  ibundation." 
The  best  Christians  are  liable  to  be  sifted,  and  it  had   been 


Christ's  iistercession.  417 

woful  for  David,  Peter,  and  others,  if  after  they  had  fallen, 
God  had  not  recovered  them.  Therefore,  if  Satan  has  thrown 
us  down,  if  we  have  been  overtaken  and  arc  sunk  in  the  mire, 
let  us  cry  mightily  to  God  for  help.  Nothing  can  possibly  be 
pleaded  as  an  excuse  for  a  man's  continuing  to  lie  upon  the 
ground,  because  he  has  been  thrown  down.  It  is  one  thing  to 
be  thrown  down,  and  another  to  lie  upon  the  ground.  What 
deeps  have  not  men  been  drawn  cut  of.  See  Jonah  and  Ma- 
nasseh. 

Privilege  implies  duty  :  there  is  an  obligation  laid  upon  the 
man  who^entcrs  the  family  of  heaven.  The  Lord  says  to  such 
a  one,— I  will  take  care  of  you,  I  will  feed  you,  I  w^ill  be  your 
shepherd — but  recollect,  1  do  not  take  you  into  my  family  to 
make  you  merely  a  spectacle  to  angels  and  to  men,  but  that 
you  should  be  a  blessing,  as  well  as  blessed  :  while  I  make 
you  a  star,  1  will  have  you  shine;  and  you  will  find  it  is  your 
privilege  to  do  so.  You  cannot  go  against  the  stream  of  this 
wicked  world,  without  meeting  with  many  dangers  and  temp- 
tations;  but  go  forward;  take  my  rule  and  my  arm;  and  re- 
member, that  your  business  is  to  strengthen  your  brethren. 

Peter's  repentance  was  as  sincere  as  his  fall  was  aggravated. 
When  the  cockcrow,  he  remembered  the  words  of  Jesus  Christ, 
and  "  went  out  and  wept  bitterly."  The  crowing  of  the  cock 
was  an  engine  which  Christ  made  use  of  to  awaken  the  con- 
science of  Peter.  The  instruments  God  uses,  must  not  be 
measured  by  their  own  power  or  aptitude,  but  by  the  will  of 
the  agent ;  and  they  have  all  this  inscription  written  upon 
them,  "  Not  by  might,  nor  by  power,  but  by  my  Spirit,  saith 
the  Lord." 

Nothing  so  affects  a  gracious  heart  as  a  sense  of  the  love  of 
Christ  abused ;  and  that  is  what  is  meant  by  evangelical  re- 
pentance. A  remembrance  of  Christ's  words  is  the  best  ground 
for  a  true  repentance :  where  there  is  sensibility  of  conscience, 
a  gentle  hint,  or  a  passage  of  Scripture,  will  often  produce 
great  effects. 

Though  Peter  fell  in  the  hour  of  temptation,  and,  notwith- 
standing the  warning  given,  denied  his  Master — and  that  at  a 
time  when  he  should  most  have  stood  by  him  ;  yet,  to  show 
the  wonderful  mercy  and  condescension  of  our  Saviour,  signal 
tokens  were  granted  of  his  forgiveness,  by  him  who  knew  that 
he  stood  in  need  of  comfort :  ''  the  Lord  hath  risen  indeed,  and 
hath  appeared  unto  Simon," — poor,  backsliding,  unfaithful  Si- 
mon. Oh,  take  notice  of  this  tenderness,  all  you  who  are 
mourniufi-  because  of  vour  unfaithfulness,  and  who  are  afraid 


418  FRAG3IENTS,  ETC. 

to  come  to  Christ  because  of  your  backsliding.  Let  the  case 
of  Peter  encourage  you  to  approach  your  faithful  and  merciful 
High  Priest,  who  ever  livei/i  to  make  iniei' cession  for  us. 


THE  GOSPEL,  AN  OCCASION  OF  ANIMOSITY 


Think  not  that  I  came  to  send  peace  on  earth  :  I  came  not 
to  send  peace  but  a  sword. — Matt.  x.  34. 

Were  these  words  to  be  read  detached,  without  considering 
our  Lord's  design  in  speaking  them,  we  should  be  ready  to 
ask.  Are  these  the  words  of"  the  Prince  of  Peace?  "  and  yet, 
thus  spake  Christ  to  his  disciples.  When  we  consider  how  the 
doctrines  of  Jesus  Christ,  and  the  spirit  of  the  gospel,  expose 
and  condemn  the  idols  of  the  world,  we  should  not  wonder 
that  they  often  become  an  occasion  of  animosity. 

Christianity  is  a  light  shining  in  a  dark  world,  and  showing 
the  character  of  that  world.  It  unmasks  the  hypocrite  in  the 
form  of  a  professor.  See  Matt,  xxiii.  It  detects  false  disguises, 
and  shows  every  thing  in  its  true  colours:  therefore  no  won- 
der that  false  hearts  should  rise  up  in  hatred  against  it. 

St.  Paul  going  forth  boasting  as  a  pharisee,  would  not  have 
given  offence  to  the  world  ;  but  when  he  talks  of  glorying  only 
in  the  cross  of  Christ — when  he  says,  "  I  am  crucified  to  the 
world,  and  the  world  to  me;"  i.  e.  as  the  world  looks  upon 
me  as  a  poor  contemptible  object,  so  1  look  upon  the  world,  as 
having  no  beauty,  no  excellence  to  attract  my  notice — when 
he  tells  them,  that  except  Christ  be  in  them  as  the  hope  of 
glory,  their  religion  is  vain,  and  will  stand  them  in  no  stead  : 
to  deal  with  the  world  in  this  way,  what  is  it  but  to  be  esteemed 
an  enthusiast,  a  setter  forth  of  strange  doctrines?  this  will  stir 
up  the  enmity  of  men's  hearts,  and  they  will  soon  prove  that 
they  hate  the  master,  the  servants,  and  the  doctrines :  for  the 
world,  in  its  corrupt  state,  never  was,  and  never  will  be  a 
friend  to  the  cross  of  Christ. 

"  Blessed  is  he  who  shall  not  be  offended  in  me."  A  clear 
discovery  of  Christ's  character  will  offend.  But  must  this 
needs  be  ?     Hear  what  the  prophet  saith:  "And   he  shall  be 


THE    GOSPEL,  AN    OCCASION    OP    ANIMOSITY.  419 

for  a  sanctuary,  but  for  a  stone  of  stumbling,  and  for  a  rock 
of  offence  to  both  the  houses  of  Israel,  for  a  gin,  and  for  a 
snare  to  the  inhabitants  of  Jerusalem."  As  if  our  Lord  had 
said — Notwithstanding  I  give  sight  to  the  blind,  feet  to  the 
lame,  &c.,  I  am  come  to  appear  before  a  proud,  vain,  ignorant 
world,  that  will  say,  "  lie  hath  no  form  or  comeliness:  "  "  Is 
not  this  the  carpenter's  son  ?  " 

Christianity,  in  a  particular  manner,  and  one  in  which  it 
differs  from  all  religions  that  were  ever  set  up  by  men,  presents 
the  greatest  privileges  to  the  most  unworthy.  All  religions  in- 
vented by  men,  call  for  something  that  is  deserving  in  man  : 
but  the  gospel  is  preached  to  the  aliens,  to  the  outcasts  of  man- 
kind. Its  language  is  not — Ho  i  every  one  that  is  deserving, 
that  can  find  out  some  merit, — some  gift  in  hand  by  way  of 
purchase, — but  "  Ho  !  every  one  that  thirsfeth,  come  ye  to  the 
waters ;  and  he  that  hath  no  money,"  i.  c.  nothing  to  bring, 
"Come  ye,  buy  and  eat:  yea,  come,  buy  wine  and  milk,  with- 
out money  and  without  price."  This  therefore  is  a  further  oc- 
casion of  animosity  to  mankind.  One  of  the  first  objections 
which  the  Pharisees  made  to  our  Lord  was,  that  he  ate  and 
drank  with  publicans  and  sinners.  See  Luke  v.  30. 

Another  reason  why  the  gospel  is  an  occasion  of  animosity, 
is,  that  it'  elevates  and  exalts  the  views  and  enjoyments  of  the 
Christian  above  the  world,  and  disposes  him  to  put  such  an 
honour  and  value  upon  Christ's  kingdom,  that  he  cannot  help 
slighting,  and  thinking  meanly  of  every  thing  besides;  and 
this  very  going  through  "  Vanity  Fair,"  and  not  looking  at 
its  wares,  this  standing  forth  in  the  midst  of  a  crooked  and 
perverse  generation  as  a  light,  as  a  man  of  another  taste,  will 
raise  an  outcry.  Nay,  further,  the  Christian  will  declare,  and, 
if  called  upon,  will  demonstrate,  that  his  master,  and  his  king- 
dom, are  more  to  him  than  wife,  or  children,  or  even  than  lilc 
itself.  He  will,  like  iMoses,  count  the  reproach  of  Christ  greater 
riches  than  the  treasures  of  Egypt ;  and  this  will  be  an  occa- 
sion of  animosity,  as  it  stirs  up  the  malice  of  Satan:  for  till  a 
man  is  in  earnest  about  religion,  the  strong  man  armed  kccpcth 
his  goods  in  peace.  He  will  allow  benevolence  ;  he  will  allow 
a  form  of  godliness,  so  long  as  it  is  held  in  the  spirit  of  the 
world.  But  when  he  finds  a  stronger  than  he  coming  to  turn 
him  out,  then  he  sets  all  his  malice  to  work,  how  to  revenge 
himself. 

Christianity  does  not  necessarily  tend  to  promote  this  ani- 
mosity, but  is  the  occasion  of  it.  Satan  takes  occasion,  and 
•the  pride  of  man  takes  occasion,  to  abuse  and  pervert  it,  and 


420  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

turn  it  into  strife.  But  in  itself  \i  tends  to  bring  glory  to  God^ 
and  peace  and  good  will  to  rnen.  " I  came,"  says  our  Lord,  "to 
preach  good  tidings,  and  to  bind  up  the  broken-hearted,  to  pro- 
claim liberty  to  the  captives,  &c."  There  would  be  no  such 
thing  as  war,  or  cruelty,  if  the  precepts  of  Christianity  were 
adopted.  Did  not  Satan  and  a  wicked  world  pervert,  and  turn 
it  into  poison,  what  would  not  religion  produce  in  families ! 
See  the  Apostle's  exhortation  to  the  Ephesians  : — "  Husbands, 
love  your  wives — children,  obey  your  parents — fathers,  pro- 
voke not  your  children — servants,  be  obedient  to  your  masters." 
&;c.  See  again  our  Lord's  command  to  his  disciples,  "  Go 
ye  forth  as  sheep  among  wolves :  "  and  again,  "  whosoever 
shall  smite  thee  on  the  one  cheek,  turn  to  him  the  other  also." 
*'  Love  your  enemies,"  &c.  So  that  Christianity  is,  in  itself, 
the  doctrine  of  peace. 

The  world  never  loved  Christ,  neither  will  it  ever  love  his 
servants:  therefore  we  must  admit,  that  where  religion  really 
is  in  the  church,  in  the  family,  and  in  the  heart,  there  will  be 
animosity.  We  must  expect  it,  we  must  lay  our  account  for 
it :  "  If  they  hated  me,"  says  our  Lord,  "  they  will  also  hate 
you ;"  and  our  taking  up  this  cross  in  a  godly  manner,  is  an 
evidence  of  our  being  related  to  Christ. 

If  Christianity  is  the  medicine  for  the  soul — if  Christ  is  the 
true  Physician — and  if  the  heart  of  man  is  the  same  in  every 
age,  let  us  examine  ourselves, — what  think  we  of  Christ  ?  and 
of  his  way  of  salvation  ?  What  says  our  life  1  Christ  by  his 
life  condemned  the  world  :  does  ours  ?  Do  we  say.  Let  all  the 
world  despise  me,  so  that  my  Saviour  regards  me?  There  is 
such  a  thing  as  trying  to  manage  and  accommodate  our  reli- 
gion,— as  v/anting  to  lower  the  standard. 

Let  us  take  care  that  if  the  world  hates  us,  it  is  in  the  same 
way  in  which  it  hated  Christ.  Let  no  man  be  an  unkind  hus- 
band, father,  or  master,  and  thereby  procure  trouble  and  hatred 
to  himself,  and  then  fasten  it  upon  the  gospel, and  say, — this  is 
because  of  my  religion.  There  are  many  who  profess  evan- 
gelical religion,  who  have  brought  opposition  and  trouble  upon 
themselves,  and  then  said  it  was  the  sword  of  persecution  : 
whereas,  had  they  acted  with  humility,  good  nature,  patience, 
and  meekness,  there  would  have  been  no  such  complaints. 
"  What  glory  is  it  if  when  ye  be  buffeted  for  your  faults,  ye 
shall  take  it  patiently  ?  But  if  when  ye  do  well,  and  suffer  for 
it,  ye  take  it  patiently,  this  is  acceptable  with  God.  For  even 
hereunto  were  ye  called,  because  Christ  also  suffered  for  us, 
.leaving  us  an  example  that  yc  should  follow  his  steps."     And 


CHRIST  PRESENT  WITH  HIS  CHURCH.  421 

a^ain,  "If  we  suffer  with  liim,  wc  shall  also  reign  with  him." 
"  "  Let  us  go  forth  unto  him  bearing  his  reproach  :"  but  let 
us  take  heed  to  lay  the  emphasis  upon  His :  do  not  attempt  to 
vindicate  sects:  do  not  vindicate  licentious  professors:  do  not 
take  up  /Aeir  reproach.  Let  folly  be  folly,  and  error  be  error. 
St.  Paul  gives  us  an  example,  Phil.  iii.  18.  "  For  many  walk, 
of  whom  I  have  told  you  often,  and  now  tell  you  even  weep- 
ing, that  they  are  enemies  to  the  cross  of  Christ."  it  is  ne- 
cessary to  distinguish  between  the  reproach  of  Christ,  and  that 
which  is  frequently  brought  on  his  Gospel  by  some  professors. 
A  man  may  take  merit  to  himself,  and  say,  "  I  am  not  ashamed 
of  the  Gospel  of  Christ ;"  but  perhaps  the  Gospel  may  well 
be  ashamed  of  him. 

Let  no  man,  however,  expect  to  escape  contempt  while  turn- 
ing his  back  upon  the  world  to  follow  Christ  through  every  ob- 
stacle. It  is  granted,  that  if  a  man  lives  like  the  world,  if  ho 
enters  into  its  follies,  they  will  not  suppose  he  has  left  their  coun- 
try :  if  you  are  contented  with  the  meveform  of  religion,  the 
world  will  have  no  quarrel  with  you  :  but  if  you  are,  by  grace, 
determined  to  "  enter  in  at  the  strait  gate,"  and  to  "  take  up 
your  cross,"  the  Bible  tells  you  what  to  expect:  for,  "  if  any 
man  will  live  godly  in  Christ  Jesus,  he  shall  suffer  persecu- 
tion." 


CHRIST  PRESENT  WITH  HIS  CHURCH,  A  WAR- 
RANTED  GROUND  OE  CONSOLATION. 


Now  why  dost  thou  cry  aloud  ?     Is  there  no  king;  in  thee  ? 
Is  thy  counsellor  perished  ? — Micah  iv.  9. 

There  is  perhaps  no  instance  of  a  serious  mind  that  lias  not 
been  shocked  at  the  presumption  of  fallen  man,  especially  under 
a  dispensation  of  mercy  like  ours,  that  men  should  go  on  with 
such  thoughtlessness,  wickedness,  hardness,  and  inattention  to 
every  thing  that  God  has  spoken  to  thcin.  But  wc  arc  not  so 
forcibly  struck  and  convinced  of  another  device  of  Satan,  by 
which  he  sinks  the  spirits,  and  tempts  to  despair,  as  if  religion 
were  too  hard,  and  nothing;  could  be  done  in  it.  Now  if  a  man 
;3G 


422  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

is  made  to  give  up  hope,  and  utterly  to  faint  through  despon- 
dency, the  grand  design  of  hell  is  accomplished  as  effectually 
as  if  he  were  presumptuous  and  careless. 

The  Scriptures  not  only  point  out  to  us  the  evil  of  sin,  and 
the  certainty  of  that  destruction  which  it  will  bring  upon  sin- 
ners, but  they  also  point  out  in  the  most  striking  manner,  the 
ruin  brought  on  by  unbelief  and  despair;  they  labour  to  show 
that  in  all  possible  circumstances,  in  the  very  worst  state — 
there  is  hope :  there  is  hope  in  Christ,  if  a  man  does  not  reject 
the  counsel  of  God  against  himself.  The  language  of  the 
Scripture  to  every  conscientious  mind  is,  WJiy  dost  thou  cry 
aloud  ?  Is  there  ne  king  in  thee  ?  Is  thy  counsellor  per- 
ished? 

In  the  chapter  before  us,  the  Prophet  looks  forward  to  the 
advent  of  Christ :  to  the  setting  up  of  a  promised  kingdom  ; 
and  he  speaks  of  it  as  the  great  consolation  of  the  church  un- 
der the  circumstances  then  present,  and  which  would  be  greatly 
aggravated  by  the  captivity  which  v/as  approaching.  "  But," 
says  he,  "  la  the  last  days  it  shall  come  to  pass,  that  the  moun- 
tain of  the  house  of  the  Lord  shall  be  established  in  the  top  of 
the  mountains,  and  it  shall  be  exalted  above  the  hills,"  &c. 
"  In  that  day,  saith  the  Lord,  will  I  assemble  her  that  halteth, 
and  I  will  gather  her  that  is  driven  out,  and  her  that  1  have 
afflicted ;  and  1  u'ill  make  her  that  halted  a  remnant,  and  her 
that  was  cast  off  a  strong  nation  :  and  the  Lord  shall  reign 
over  them  in  Mount  Zion  from  henceforth,  even  for  ever." 
"  The  kingdom  shall  come  to  the  daughter  of  Jerusalem." 
What  king,  or  what  kingdom,  shall  come  ?  See  Dan.  vii.  13, 
14-  "I  saw  one  like  unto  the  Son  of  man,  coming  in  the 
clouds  of  heaven,  and  there  was  given  Him  dominion  and  a 
kingdom."  See  accordingly,  Luke  i.  33,  and  Jeremiah  viii. 
19—22. 

From  this  scripture  we  ourselves  may  derive  profit,  deduc- 
ing from  this  doctrine,  namely,  that  a  true  believer  has  a 

WARRANTED  GROUND  OF  CONSOLATION  UNDER  EVERY  DEPRESS- 
ING DISPENSATION  IN  W  HICH  IT  SHALL  PLEASE  GoD  TO  PLACE 

HIM  :  and  to  him  we  may  apply  the  text, —  Vfhy  dost  thou  cry 
aloud?  Is  there  no  king  in  thee?  Is  thy  counsellor  per- 
ished? Why  art  thou  cast  down,  depressed,  and  agitated, 
when  there  is  such  a  warranted  ground  of  consolation  under 
every  dispensation  1 

Before  considering  this  doctrine,  it  may  be  useful  just  to 
glance  at  some  of  those  depressing  cases  under  which  many 
of  us  are  apt  to  sink,  and  sometimes  to  cry  out  aloud.     I  do 


CHRIST  PRESENT  WITH  HIS  CHURCH.  423 

not  touch  upon  such  cases  as  belonging  to  the  province  of  the 
physician  :  I  say  nothing  to  such  as  are  in  depression  of  spirits 
from  a  morbid  imagination — a  sedentary  way  of  life,  and  soli- 
tary situations :  very  frequently  injudicious  persons  have  ap- 
plied particular  scriptures  to  cases  not  so  much  spiritual  as 
natural.  But  who  is  there  among  us  that  is  not  frequently 
borne  down  by  the  loss  of  intimate  friends  and  relatives?  con- 
solation at  such  a  time  seems  impertinent?  Who  is  there  that 
does  not  perceive  in  himself  that  his  days  are  passing  away 
like  a  vapour — as  a  tale — and  are  spent  without  hope?  that 
the  time  passes  with  such  swiftness  that  he  scarcely  arises  in 
the  morning  and  is  able  to  do  any  thing,  before  he  is  called  to 
retire  again;  and  he  is  ready  to  say,  "  I  cannot  take  hold  of 
any  thing — what  I  do  is  next  to  nothing — my  name  is  vanity  !" 
Who  is  there  that  is  not  frequently  cast  down  to  find  that  he 
loses  the  use  of  his  faculties?  his  memory  fails — he  loses  his 
appetite — he  withers  as  he  stands :  his  friends  remark  it ;  he 
loses  what  he  has  been  used  to  call  his  comforts,  and  which 
prove  only  birds  of  passage  in  their  flight. 

Who  is  there  that  does  not  feel  the  distress  that  arises,  es- 
pecially to  a  serious  mind,  from  striving  with  the  world,  which 
is  so  hostile,  so  contrary  to  his  sentiments  ?  And  if  he  could 
avoid  the  world  in  its  corruptions,  yet  he  feels  the  enemy  icitli- 
in,  as  well  as  his  grand  enemy,  Satan,  whom  he  perceives 
continually  busy,  leading  him  astray,  or  depressing  his  heart, 
and  sinking  his  spirits,  and  calling  every  thing  into  question. 

A  Christian  is  not  only  a  man  of  natural  sensibility,  by 
which  he  feels  in  common  with  others,  but  he  has  also  a  moral 
sensibility,  which  produces  feelings  to  which  the  natural  man 
is  a  stranger.  When  David  was  driven  out  of  his  kingdom, 
he  was  not  only  to  depart  as  a  depressed  king — an  exile — but 
he  had  to  recollect  that  all  this  was  sent  as  a  scourge.  When 
Eli  lost  his  sons,  he  had  not  only  to  recollect  the  death  of  his 
children,  but  his  own  bad  conduct  in  the  management  of  them. 
When  Hezekiah  had  the  message  of  death  sent  to  him,  he  had 
to  recollect  his  vanity  with  the  ambassadors.  When  St.  Paul 
had  a  thorn  in  the  flesh,  a  messenger  of  Satan  to  buffet  him, 
he  had  to  recollect  his  proneness  to  exultation  of  spirit,  and 
the  absolute  necessity  there  was  for  such  a  depressing  cure. 

Thus  a  Christian  has  not  only  to  suffer  in  common  with 
other  men,  but  he  groans  being  burdened  with  a  body  of  sin 
and  death  ;  and  he  says  as  he  passes  through  the  world, — Woe 
is  me,  that  I  am  a  sojourner  in  such  a  wilderness,  that  I  have 
my  habitation  among  these  tents  of  Kedar  ! 


424  FRAGMENTS,    ETC. 

The  very  opposition  that  some  people  meet  with  on  account 
of  their  faith  and  piety  is  enough  to  wear  out  their  spirits. 
Jacob  says,  ♦'  My  brother  Esau  is  coming  to  meet  me,  and  I 
shall  be  cut  off  with  the  motlier  and  the  children?"  And 
David  says,  "  I  shall  one  day  perish  by  the  hand  of  Saul !" 

Every  man  feels  for  himself,  what  the  particular  thing  is, 
which  leads  him  to  cry  out  aloud  ;  and  the  experience  of  every 
Christian  tells  him,  that  there  is  enough  to  make  him  "  groan, 
being  burdened,"  and  to  convince  him  that  this  is  not  his  rest; 
"  because  it  is  polluted."     Micah  ii.  10. 

But  though  these  are  facts,  yet  the  main  end  of  the  present 
subject  is  to  show,  that  there  is  no  cause  for  despah,  and  that 
it  is  a  sin  for  a  christian  to  fall  into  it.  This  leads  me  to  con- 
sider more  particularly,  The  warranted  ground  of  con- 
solation WHICH  THE  BELIEVER  HAS  UNDER  EVERY  DEPRES- 
SING   DISPENSATION. 

IFhy  dost  thou  cry  aloud?  or  as  it  is  in  the  Hebrew,  Tf  Iiy 
dost  thou  cry  a  cry  ?  All  the  complaints  that  man  could  bring 
to  justify  himself  under  the  agitation  of  his  spirits,  are  answer- 
ed at  once  by  the  provisions  which  God  has  made,  and  set 
forth,  and  proposed  freely  "  without  money  and  without  price" 
to  every  one  that  asketh  and  secketh. 

When  the  ship  was  tossed  in  the  midst  of  the  waves,  and 
the  disciples,  in  great  fear,  awaked  Christ,  saying,  '•  Master, 
carest  thou  not  that  we  perish?  " — after  that  he  had  rebuked 
the  storm,  he  said  unto  them,  "  Why  are  ye  so  fearful  ?  how 
is  it  that  ye  have  no  faith?"  In  this  question  which  Christ  puis 
to  his  disciples,  we  have,  as  it  were,  the  text  repeated,  l^hy 
dost  thou  cry  cdoitd?  Is  there  no  king  in  thee?  Is  thy 
counsellor  perished?  As  if  he  had  said,  Am  not  I  here? 
You  are  looking  to  the  elements — you  are  listening  to  the  re- 
ports of  sense ;  but  is  there  no  king  in  thee  ?  Why  then  are 
ye  so  fearful  ? 

Thus  must  the  believer  be  taught  to  exercise  faith  in  trying 
times.  See  Duet,  xxxii.  11.  "As  an  Eagle  stirreth  up  her 
nest,"  <Scc.,  the  young  ones  would  fain  lie  dozing  in  the  nest, 
they  would  not  take  wing  for  a  long  time  :  surely  this  is  the 
picture  of  every  Christian,  if  he  examines  his  own  heart.  W  e 
revolt  at  exertion  ;  it  is  painful  ;  it  is  disturbance;  we  want  to 
be  quiet  in  our  nest  ;  but  "  The  Lord's  portion  is  his  people  : 
He  found  him  in  a  desert  land,  and  in  the  waste  howling 
wilderness  :  he  led  him  about  " — he  environed  Israel  as  iiis 
portion.  He  did  not  mean  to  let  Israel  remain  as  he  was  :  The 
language  of  nature  is,  "  let  me  alone  :"     But  what  would  be 


CHRIST    PRESENT    WITH    HIS    CHURCH.  425 

the  consequence  if  man  were  let  alone  in  the  state  he  is  1  Israel 
therefore  must  be  "  led  about;" — he  must  be  taught  like  the 
eagle  to  lake  wing — he  must  not  be  sullored  to  lie  dozing  in 
the  nest  without  action,  without  exertion — "  So  the  Lord  alone 
did  lead  him." 

This  is  one  grand  design  of  God  in  his  dispensations  of  af- 
fliction toward  his  children.  lie  roots  us  up  from  our  present 
satisfactions,  and  checks  the  disposition  we  have  to  lie  still, 
and  to  say,  "  Let  us  alone."  He  leaches  us  to  rise  above  the 
grovelling  habits  into  which  we  too  naturally  fall ;  and  to  live 
a  life  far  different  from  that  life  of  sin  which  the  generality  of 
mankind  desire.  And  if  this  is  God's  design  in  afllicting  us, 
tell  me  not  what  you  have  to  complain  of,  nor  of  the  depths  to 
which  sin  has  brought  you  :  Is  there  no  king  in  thee?  Is  thy 
counsellor  perished?  Doth  not  the  Lord  dwell  in  Zion  1 
Thus  we  find  the  Lord  saying  to  Abraham,  "  Get  thee  out  of 
thy  country,  and  from  thy  kindred,"  &c.,  and  as  if  he  marked 
the  fear  and  apprehension  that  Abraham  would  have  in  going, 
he  adds,  "  Fear  not  Abraham ;  "  go  out,  but  '''■fear  not,^'  1  am 
God  all-sufficient  ;  I  am  enough  ;  I  am  the  Alpha  and  Omega  ;" 
"  i  am  thy  exceeding  great  reward."  So  to  Isaac, — so  to 
Jacob. 

Thus  we  find  St.  John  when  he  was  banished  to  the  Isle  of 
Patmos,  saying,  "  He  laid  his  right  hand  upon  me,  saying. 
Fear  not."  As  if  Christ  had  said.  Thine  enemies  may  banish 
thee  to  the  most  desolate  island,  but  they  cannot  banish  thee 
from  my  presence,  and  favour  and  friendship  ;  I  am  with  thee  ; 
I  have  *'  the  keys  of  death  and  hell ;  "  go  on  with  your  work, 
write  to  the  churches,  and  let  them  know  that  their  King  is  in 
Zion. 

It  was  profanely  said  by  Julius  Cii'sar  to  the  pilot  who  was 
alarmed  at  the  violence  of  a  storm  which  arose,  "  Fear  not, 
thou  carriest  Cu!sar  and  his  fortunes."  Poor  vain  creature  ! 
he  did  not  consider  that  Ca3sar  was  no  more  than  a  worm  of 
the  earth,  whose  breath  was  in  his  nostrils. 

Job,  in  the  very  worst  of  times  felt  the  truth  of  the  text. — 
"  I  know  that  my  Redeemer  liveth;"  therefore  shall  I  lift  up 
my  head,  notwithstanding  my  depressing  circumstances.  Nay, 
he  says,  "  Though  He  slay  me," — though  his  dispensations 
are  so  severe,  and  run  contrary  to  what  I  could  wish, — 
"  though  he  slay  me"  in  leading  me  through  these  deep  wa- 
ters, "yet  will  I  trust  in  him:"  My  King  is  with  mc,  my 
counsellor  is  not  perished.     See  Psalm  xxiii.  4. 

There  is  something  to  be  regarded  in  this  repetition.  Is  not 
36* 


426  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

thy  King  in  thee?  Is  thy  counsellor  perished ?  It  surely  is 
evident  to  every  man  who  has  had  any  experience  and  made 
any  observation  in  rehgion,  and  who  has  attentively  read  his 
Bible,  that  the  Lord  has  not  only  promised  to  guide  his  people 
by  his  counsel,  and  afterwards  receive  them  to  glory, — but  he 
has  sometimes  condescended  to  give  the  reasons  of  his  dealing 
Vv'ith  them,  and  why  they  pass  through  the  fire  and  through  the 
water  on  their  way  to  the  kingdom.  In  the  loss  of  near  and  dear 
friends,  it  is  as  if  God  said, — This  is  to  teach  you  that  your  rest 
is  not  here;  and  as  for  tliose  friends,  be  ye  followers  of  them,  for 
by  faith  and  patience  tiiey  now  inherit  the  promises.  In  the  loss 
of  faculties,  healih,  comforts,  &c.,  you  complain  as  if  you  were 
at  home,  forgetting  you  are  "  strangers  and  pilgrims  upon 
earth."  For  though  you  can  only  be  accepted  upon  the  ground 
of  what  Christ  has  done  and  suffered  for  you,  yet  is  there  not 
much  chaff  to  be  winnowed  from  the  wheat?  is  there  Eot  much 
dross  to  be  separated  from  the  gold  1  and  is  it  not  necessary 
that  the  Refiner  should  "  sit  as  a  refiner  and  purifier  of  tlie 
sons  of  Levi?" 

Vhut,  says  an  old  v.riter,  is  good  for  a  man,  v\  hich  is  good 
for  his  soui.  Now  therefore,  TFhy  dost  thou  cry  aloud  ? 
You  are  only  on  your  journey  :  If  you  take  your  child  a  jour- 
ney, he  will  probably  see  many  things,  as  he  travels  on,  that 
his  young  mind  will  covet ;  he  will  want  the  flowers  by  the 
wav',  or  wish  to  stop  at  some  pleasant  spot  on  the  road  rather 
than  go  on.  And  why  is  all  this?  because  lie  is  a  child;  and 
you  smile  at  his  simplicity,  and  tell  him  these  are  only  acci- 
dental things  by  the  way  :  they  serve  indeed  to  make  the  jour- 
ney more  pleasant,  but  are  not  essential. 

Believer!  is  thy  counsellor  perished  ?  Is  he  not  teaching 
you  and  me  the  same  lesson?  does  he  not  say.  This  is  not  the 
home,  but  the  iray?  that  what  we  have  is  only  lent  us?  and  that 
instead  of  crying  out,  because  they  are  departing  from  us,  or 
we  from  th.em,  we  should  remember  that  this  is  the  very  con- 
stitution of  things  ;  this  is  absolutely  necessary  for  us;  for  if 
we  have  a  free  and  constant  hold  of  present  things,  we  shall  be 
deprived  of  better. 

Bishop  Reynolds  observes,  that  there  are  two  things  necessary 
in  order  to  our  having  satisfaction  in  any  thing.  There  must 
he  propriety,  and  there  must  be  proportion.  There  must  be 
propriety  ;  we  must  be  actual  possessors  /  the  thing  must  be 
ours:  and  there  must  be  proportion  ;  the  thing  must  fit,  suit, 
be  adequate  to  satisfy.  But  both  these  are  impossible  in  the 
present  case  :  for  God  has  decreed  that  it  shall  be  his  sole  pre- 


CHRIST  PRESENT  WITH  HIS  CIIURCII.  427 

rogative  to  satisfy,  to  fill  the  lieart  of  man  ;  and  that  no  crea- 
ted being  whatever  shall  do  it. 

It  is  very  remarkable,  and  surely  a  true  philosoj)her  would 
not  lose  sight  of  this, — that  Solomon,  when  he  had  calculated, 
and  made  iiis  csiimate  of  every  thing  the  world  calls  good,  so 
that  as  he  says,  "  What  can  the  man  do  that  cometh  after  the 
King1" — he  pronounces  upon  it,  "all  is  vanity  and  vexation 
of  spirit."  Eccles.  i.  14.  After  all,  there  is  no  propriety,  no 
proportion  in  these  things  ;  and  facts  constantly  prove  this  to 
be  the  case  with  those  who  have  ihe  greatest  abundance  of  this 
world's  good.  Let  the  Christian  turn  away  from  such  a  fan- 
cied propriety  and  proportion,  and  turn  to  this  counsellor 
whom  it  is  his  highest  privilege  to  call  the  "  Wonderful  Coun- 
sellor ;"  for  to  you  is  the  word  of  this  salvation  sent.  God 
has  taught  his  children  in  all  ages  the  reason  why  he  will  not 
suffer  this  world  to  be  their  rest:  He  has  taught  them  to  say, 
as  Hezekiah,  when  every  thing  was  depressing  and  bereaving 
about  him,  "  O  Lord,  by  these  things" — by  these  dispensa- 
tions of  affliction, — "do  men  live,  and  in  all  these  things  is  the 
life  of  my  spirit :  so  wilt  thou  recover  me,  and  make  me  to  live. 
Behold,  for  peace  1  had  great  bitterness  ;  but  thou  hast  in  love 
to  my  soul"  (mark  that,)  "thou  hast  in  love  to  my  soul  de- 
livered it  from  the  pit  of  corruption.  For  thou  hast  cast  all 
my  sins  behind  thy  back." 

Oh,  it  is  a  mighty,  a  mighty  blessing  indeed,  if  God  makes 
use  of  any  dispensalion  whatever  to  bring  us  nearer  to  himself, 
and  to  make  us  more  acquainted  with  ourselves,  and  his  deal- 
ings towards  us  !^ 

One  of  the  greatest  abominations  that  ever  existed  since  the 
fdW  of  man,  was  that  of  burning  men  at  the  slake  for  con- 
science' sake,  and  putting  them  to  all  imaginable  tortures,  be- 
cause they  would  not  submit  to  tiie  impositions  of  the  Church 
of  Rome.  Yet  at  the  same  time,  out  of  that  dark  Church  there 
arose  a  glorious  testimony  and  proof,  that  no  consequence  is 
to  be  feared  if  it  can  be  said,  Is  not  thy  King  in  thee?  "I 
am  persuaded,"  saith  the  apostle,  "  that  neither  death,  nor  life, 
nor  angels,  nor  principalities,  nor  powers,  nor  things  present, 
nor  tilings  to  come;  nor  height  nor  depth,  norany  other  crea- 
ture, shall  be  able  to  separate  us  from  the  love  of  God,  which 
is  in  Christ  Jesus  our  Lord."  Our  king  is  with  us;  our  coun- 
sellor is  not  perished. 

CoNCLUDiXG  Remarks.      Let  us  each  ask  ourselves  this 


>  See  Mrs.  llawkcs's  reference  to  this  passage,  page  183  of  the  Memoir. 


428  FRAGMEISTS,  ETC. 

question,  What  have  I  been  doing  hitherto?  I  see  that  1  have 
been  a  rebel  against  my  rightful  sovereign  ;  but  I  am  willing 
to  lay  down  ray  arms,  and  enter,  if  possible,  into  the  benefit. 
To  such  I  would  say.  You  must  show  yourself  willing  to  re- 
ceive the  benefit,  by  renouncing  not  only  your  hostility,  but 
your  former  character,  you  must  forsake  wicked  company, 
and  leave  off  sinning  ;  you  must  receive  the  gift  as  it  is  pre- 
sented;  vou  must  return  like  the  prodigal  son.  See  Luke 
XV.  18. 

Do  you  say,  How  shall  J  do  all  this?  You  must  ask  the 
help  of  the  Holy  Spirit.  You  must  receive  the  kingdom  of 
God  as  a  little  child.  A  proud  man  can  do  nothing  in  the 
business  of  salvation  :  a  mere  caviller  will  trifle  at  the  door: 
you  must  repent  and  believe  the  gospel:  you  must  ask  and  it 
shall  be  given  :  you  must  knock,  and  the  door  shall  be  opened  : 
you  must  employ  the  means  :  you  must  trust  the  truth  of  God 
which  hath  said,  The  seed  of  Jacob  shall  never  seek  my  face 
in  vain. 

Once  more,  I  would  say  to  every  Christian  who  is  thus  in- 
terested, "  Hold  fast  that  which  thou  hast:"  and  let  it  suffice 
thee,  if  thou  hast  nothing  else,  that  thou  hast  a  king  dwelling 
in  Zion,  present  with  his  church,  a  counsellor  at  hand.  "  God 
is  our  refuge  and  strength,  a  very  present  help  in  trouble." 
Make  your  case  as  dark  as  you  can  in  imagination,  yet  it  is 
said,  "  Let  him  that  walketh  in  darkness  and  hath  no  light," 
let  him  "  trust  in  the  name  of  the  Lord,  and  stay  upon  his 
God."  Thy  king  is  present  with  thee,  who  is  able  and  will- 
ing to  bring  thee  through  all  these  things:  who  will  guide  thee 
by  his  counsel,  and  afterwards  receive  thee  to  glory. 

Noah  fled  into  the  ark  at  the  command  of  God,  and  em- 
braced the  provision  set  before  him,  as  the  only  method  of 
safety.  It  is  very  reasonable  to  suppose  that  at  the  coming  on 
of  the  flood,  there  might  be  an  alarm  in  the  ark :  a  question 
might  arise, — Are  we  safe?  Are  we  secure?  but  there  was  a 
vast  diflerence  between  the  alarm  that  took  place  in  the  ark, 
and  the  alarm  that  took  place  out  of  it,  because  nothing  could 
be  said  to  those  out  of  the  ark  in  a  way  of  consolation  :  but  in 
the  ark,  in  the  very  worst  circumstances  they  were  safe, — for 
God  had  "  Shut  them  in."  If  therefore  you  are  a  believer  in 
Christ,  to  all  you  could  possibly  allege  in  your  most  private 
and  full  statement  of  your  troubles,  sorrows,  and  sufi^erings,  I 
should  reply,  Why  is  your  breast  wrung,  and  your  heart  agi- 
tated ?  Is  there  no  king  in  thee  ?  Is  thy  counsellor  perished  ? 
Your  complaints  may  be  various,  but  your  resource  is  one,  and 


CHRIST  A  SHELTER.  429 

it  is  that  which  is  exhibited  in  the  text.  I  pray  God  you  may 
be  able  to  embrace  it,  feeling  it  sufficient;  and  that  you  may 
be  willing  to  glorify  God,  who  thus  helps  you  in  all  trying 
cases. 


CHRIST  A  SHELTER. 


For  thou  hast  been  a  shelter  for  me. — Psalm  Ixi.  3. 

Religion  has  often  been  contemplated  as  it  exhibits  patience, 
hope,  safety;  but  it  has  not  been  sufficiently  considered  as  it 
exhibits  ivisdom.  Every  man  needs  a  shelter,  and  he  must  se- 
cure it  in  time,  or  be  undone  in  eternity  :  "  A  prudent  man 
foreseeth  the  evil,  and  hideth  himself;  but  the  simple  pass  on, 
and  are  punished."  God  in  Christ  is  the  sanctuary  of  man  : 
but  this  hiding  place  can  only  be  enjoyed  by  faith  taking  hold 
of  the  promise.  See  Is.  xxvi.  20.  The  proud  and  the  pro- 
fane will  trifle  and  boast:  but  here  is  their  folly,  their  refuge 
will  not  hide  them;  their  strong  holds  will  not  secure  them  in 
time  of  danger.  While  false  [)hilosophy  is  pulling  down  the 
only  sheller,  and  can  propose  nothing  but  a  cobweb  in  its  place, 
man  remains  a  poor,  exposed,  helpless  creature;  and  this 
surely  is  not  ivisdom  in  one  who  feels  every  day  his  need  of  a 
shelter,  even  with  respect  to  iiis  meanest  part,  the  body.  But 
what  is  the  body  to  the  soul?  the  body  will  soon  be  eaten  of 
worms,  while  the  soul  will  live  forever.  Man  is  a  guilty  crea- 
ture, a  depraved  creature,  a  tempted  and  aftlicted  creature,  a 
helpless  and  dying  creature;  and  therefore  if  he  is  wise,  he 
will  be  careful  to  seek  a  shelter,  and  will  be  thankful  that  God 
has  provided  one.  See  Psalm  xci.  Nothing  but  true  and 
vital  religion,  and  faith  in  the  Son  of  God,  will  prove  a  shelter; 
and  the  minister  who  speaks  of  less  than  this,  is  a  blind  guide. 
When  we  speak  of  a  shelter,  we  must  not  stop  short  ol  Him 
<'  Whom  (4od  liath  s^et  forth  to  be  a  propilialion  through  faith 
in  liis  blood."  Rom.  iii.  25. 

The  shelter  which  man  needs,  and  which  God  has  provided, 
is  a  tried  shelter.  It  is  a  niatter  of  experience  :  "  Thou  hast 
been  a  shelter  for  me." 


430  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

A  cloud  of  witnesses  might  be  brought  to  prove  that  God 
has  provided  a  shelter;  and  that  it  is  a  tried  one:  see  Noah, 
Abraham,  Jacob,  Moses,  Hezekiah,  Daniel,  St.  Paul,  &c. 
This  is  also  a  daily  shelter :  it  is  what  David  calls  in  another 
place,  "a  very  present  help  in  time  of  trouble,"  as  if  he  had 
said,  "  I  can  rely  upon  Him  for  the  momeiity 

The  true  Christian,  in  every  age,  is  taught  of  God  to  seek 
this  shelter;  to  turn  from  all  others,  and  to  make  use  of  it 
upon  all  occasions.  And  as  he  finds  his  emergencies  come  on, 
he  has  a  spiritual  habit  of  turning  to  the  shelter  God  affords. 
His  language  is,  "  Tell  me,  O  thou  whom  my  soul  loveth, 
where  thou  makest  thy  flock  to  rest  at  noon  ?"  Where  is  the 
shelter  in  which  under  the  heat  of  temptation,  the  storm  of  per- 
secution, losses  or  crosses,  I  may  lie  down.  I  have  gone  to 
shelters  that  have  made  great  promise  of  repose,  but  they  could 
not  yield  it.  I  fainted  under  them  ;  and  now  seek  a  better 
covering. 

Let  every  Christian  who  has  found  this  shelter,  put  honour 
upon  it ;  and  consider  his  temptations,  trials,  and  afflictions,  as 
sent  to  say,  "  Come  under  the  shadow  of  my  wings."  This 
is  not  a  metaphysical  or  controverted  point ;  every  man  needs 
a  shelter  ;  and  there  is  no  case  where  the  true  Christian  may 
not  find  it  always  ready.  Let  us  endeavour  to  employ  it  daily 
and  universally. 

Let  every  one  dread  an  unsheltered  state,  though  prosperous. 
Christ  has  marked  it  out  in  the  gospel.  He  that  said,  "  Soul, 
thou  hast  much  goods  laid  up  for  many  years,"  thought  he  had 
a  shelter :  but  our  Lord  says,  "  Thou  fool,  this  night  thy  soul 
shall  be  required  of  thee."  There  is  a  time  coming,  when  he 
who  has  neglected  his  salvation  for  the  riches  of  this  world, 
will  be  glad  to  sell  all  he  has  to  purchase  the  lost  blessing.  "I 
beheld  ....  and  the  heaven  departed  as  a  scroll  when  it  is 
rolled  together,"     See  Rev.  vi.  12 — 17. 

There  is  a  spirituality  in  the  Christian's  character,  the  effect 
of  regeneration,  which  leads  him  to  maintain  secret  converse 
and  intercourse  with  God  ;  and  he  then  finds  he  is  returned  to 
ills  proper  rest. 

Money,  fame,  power,  or  the  pleasures  of  sense,  may  rush  in 
upon  us  like  a  tide  ;  but  they  will  yield  us  nothing.  The  sum- 
mons, therefore,  should  be  urgent  and  frequent,  "  Return  unto 
thy  rest,  O  my  soul." 


431 

CHRIST  A  HIDING-PLACE. 

Thou  art  my  hiding-place. — Psalm  xxxii.  7. 

People  that  have  never  been  in  battle  may  discourse  of  it  ; 
but  it  will  be  in  a  very  diffijrent  way  from  what  a  soldier  would 
speak  about  it.  Religion  is  a  warfare,  and  the  man  who  has 
maintained  the  conflict,  and  who  has  made  expensive  observa- 
tions, will  speak  of  it  in  a  very  different  way  Irom  others  who 
merely  speculate  upon  it. 

David  had  been  a  military  man,  and  his  life  had  been  pre- 
served, more  than  once,  by  finding  a  hiding-place,  when  he 
was  "  hunted  as  a  partridge  upon  the  mountains;  "  and  though 
he  had  frequently  escaped  by  these  means, — yet,  he  knew  that 
there  was  but  one  true  place  of  safety ;  therefore  he  looks  be- 
yond the  means,  and  says,  Thou  art  my  hiding-place.  The 
language  of  the  Apostle  expresses  the  same  sentiment:  "I 
know  in  whom  I  have  believed  :"  I  can  place  every  thing  in  his 
hands  ;  every  thing  that  concerns  my  body  or  soul ;  every 
thing  that  concerns  time  or  eternity. 

Every  true  Christian  triumphs  in  this,  namely,  that  he  has 
a  constant  refuge:  he  says,  not  only,  "Thou  hast  been,  but 
Thou  art  my  hiding-place — which  presents  itself  upon  all  oc- 
casions ;  when  sin  would  allure  and  betray;  when  the  enemy 
comes  in  like  a  flood,  and  I  am  ready  to  be  driven  away  by 
the  torrent  of  temptations  by  which  he  assaults  me;  when  I 
travel  through  the  deep  waters  of  aflliction  ;  when  the  terrors 
of  the  law  threaten  and  alarm  ;  in  the  hour  of  death,  and  in 
the  day  of  judgment — still,  in  all,  Thoit  art  my  hiding- 
jilace.^^ 

A  gracious  habit  in  a  Christian,  enabling  him  to  turn  to  God 
under  every  exigence  and  want,  is  not  only  the  way  in  which 
God  is  honoured  ;  but  if  there  is  any  repose,  any  comfort,  any 
true  peace  and  composure,  it  must  be  had  in  this  way.  When 
a  threatening  message  was  sent  to  one  of  tlie  Fathers,  he  re- 
turned for  answer,  "  Go  and  tell  E.    I  fear  nothing  but  sin.'''' 

How  forlorn  must  that  sinner  be,  who  has  to  meet  the 
storms  of  time  and  eternity  without  a  hiding-place!  "The 
rich  man's  wealth  is  his  strong  city,  and  as  a  iiigh  wall,"  but 
the  wise  man  adds,  "  in  his  own  conceit."  I^ut  he  that  has 
heard  the  voice  of  Jesus  Christ,   and  has    fled   to    Him  for 


432  FRAGMENTS,    ETC. 

shelter  and  for  rest,  shall  find  that  He  is  indeed  "  a  hiding- 
place  from  the  wind,  and  a  covert  from  the  tempest ;  as  rivers 
of  water  in  a  dry  place,  as  the  shadow  of  a  great  rock  in^  a 
weary  land." 

Where  are  the  vast  desires  of  the  spiritual  mind  to  be  satis- 
fied, but  in  Christ  Jesus  ?  His  gracious  words  are,  "  If  any 
man  thirst,  let  him  come  unto  me  and  drink." 

A  worm  is  prepared  for  every  gourd.  Every  creature-com- 
fort  is  a  gourd  :  do  not,  like  Jonah,  rejoice  in  it.  Whatever  it 
is,  it  is  no  subject  for  joy  though  it  may  be  of  thanksgiving  : 
for  every  gourd  will  wither.  It  is  a  Christian's  mercy  and 
high  privilege,  that  there  is  a  shade  provided  for  him  which 
has  no  worm  at  the  root.  "  He  that  dwellelh  in  the  secret 
place  of  the  Most  High,  shall  abide  under  the  shadow  of  the 
Almighty." 

Is  there  any  one  who  hopes  to  find  something  in  the  world 
to  lean  upon  besides  God's  word  1  Such  a  hope  is  contrary 
to  all  experience  :  there  is  no  rest  but  in  God.  But  it  may  be 
said, — Religious  people  have  been,  in  their  day,  as  gay  and 
thoughtless  as  others.  True,  but  we  come  back  like  mariners 
escaped  from  a  icrecl;  and  would  therefore  warn  you,  and 
lake  hold  of  your  hand  and  lead  you  aright.  W^e  would  have 
you  escape  the  rocks  which  we  have  split  upon.  A  Christian 
who  goes  simply  to  God  in  all  cases,  will  surely  rise  when 
every  other  person  sinks:  he  will  be  kept  in  peace — "  Thou 
wilt  keep  him  in  perfect  peace  whose  mind  is  stayed  upon 
thee."  Mark,  it  is  not  said  that  a  man  shall  keep  himself  in 
peace,  but  "  thou  wilt  keep  him,'^  "  because  he  trusteth  in 
thee." 


THE  COVENANT   RENEWED  AT  BETHEL, 


^ind  God  appeared  iinfo  Jacob  again,  ivhcn  he  came  out  of 
Padan-aram,  and  blessed  him,  .  .  .  ^^nd  Jacob  called  the 
name  of  the  place  ivhere  God  spake  with  him  Beth-el — 
Gen.  XXXV.  9 — 15. 

He  that  believeth,  hath  the  witness  in  himself:  he  knows 
what  religion  is  :  he  knows  its  purifying  effects  :  he  hath  also 


THE  COVENANT  RENEWED  AT  BETHEL.        433 

the  witness  in  himself  that  religion  in  h'nn  is  the  same  that  it 
was  in  Abraham,  Isaac,  and  Jacob.  It  is  the  work  of  the  same 
spirit :  it  has  the  same  foundation  ;  and  the  root  being  the  same, 
the  fruit  is  the  same.  Therefore  there  is  no  part  of  the  his- 
tory of  the  Bible  uninteresting:  for  the  believer  reads  it  with 
reference  to  himself:  he  says,  My  name  is  Jacob,  my  name  is 
David — and  they  say  exactly  what  suits  me. 

We  live  by  faith  upon  the  promises;  therefore  we  contin- 
ually need  a  fresh  repetition  of  the  promises,  and  a  fresh  ap- 
plication of  them.  God  appeared  unto  Jacob  again  and  bles- 
sed him. 

Where  Christ  has  visited  a  man  in  mercy,  he  will  visit  him 
again.  See  John  v.  6 — 14.  He  lives  in  the  high  and  holy 
place;  and  he  lives  also  in  the  humble  and  contrite  heart;  and 
he  will  come  down  and  speak  to  Jacob  again  and  again,  and 
encourage  him  over  and  over  again. 

Every  man's  history  is  an  original  record  which  none  can 
read  but  himself.  A  Christian,  when  he  daily  examines  this 
record,  should  sa}'' — Here  was  pardon,  and  there  protec- 
tion ;  here  preservation,  and  there  forbearance ;  here  correc- 
tion, and  there  encouragement.  We  are  not  only  called  to 
consider  mercy  in  the  abstract,  but  particular,  personal  mer- 
cies:  above  all,  we  should  be  ever  contemplating  the  rich 
mercy  which  God  gave  in  sending  his  Son. 

And  God  said,  t'lif  name  is  Jacob.  It  signifies  very  little 
what  the  world  calls  our  name  ;  the  important  question  is, 
what  does  God  say  that  my  name  is  1  Jind  he  called  his  name 
Israel :  or,  a  prince  with  God.  That  we  should  be  made  kings 
and  priests  unto  God,  in  a  spiritual  sense,  is  the  grandest  aim 
and  project  that  can  be  presented  to  the  mind  of  man.  As  a 
king  under  his  holy  annointing,  the  Christian  overcomes  the 
world,  the  flesh,  and  the  devil  ;  as  a  prince,  like  Jacob,  he  has 
power  with  God  and  man,  and  prevails  ;  as  a  priest,  he  is,  in  a 
peculiar  sense,  consecrated  to  God.  "  Ye  arc  a  chosen  gene- 
ration, a  royal  priesthood;"  1  Peter  ii.  9.  and  if  a  Christian 
has  a  just  sense  of  his  high  privilege,  it  is  im.possible  but  he 
must  say  with  St.  John,  "  tJnto  him  that  loved  us,  and  washed 
us  from  our  sins  in  his  own  blood,  and  hath  made  us  kings  and 
priests  unto  God  and  his  Father;  to  him  be  glory  and  domin- 
ion for  ever  and  ever.  Amen." 

And  God  said  rinto  him,  I  am  God  Almighty :  remember 

this,  and  put  your  trust  only  in  me.     The  further  you  keep 

from  that  curse — "  Cursed  is  the  man  that  trusteth  in  man," — 

the  better.     Come,  and  hang  upon  me;  place  upon  me  your 

37 


434  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

whole  dependence.  A  man  never  forms  a  large  expectation 
till  he  has  done  with  every  thing  but  God. 

And  God  ivent  up  from  him  in  the  place  u'here  he  talked 
with  him.  The  conversation  was  very  short  between  God  and 
his  servant  Jacob;  this  teaches  us,  that  while  there  is  a  com- 
munication between  God  and  his  children  which  the  world 
knows  nothing  of,  still,  as  they  are  not  yet  in  heaven,  the  seat 
of  his  immediate  presence,  they  must  expect  that  special  fa- 
vours will  be  only  transient.  Young  converts  are  often  much 
puzzled  and  alarmed  at  this.  The  disciples  when  they  were 
on  the  mount  of  transfiguration  said,  "  Lord,  it  is  good  to  be 
here:  let  us  build  three  tabernacles,"  dz^c.  But  they  were  to 
be  instructed  that  the  mount  was  not  a  place  for  them  to  live 
upon  :  they  were  to  go  down  and  labour  and  fight,  and  endure 
the  burden  and  heat  of  the  day.  This  is  not  hard  or  unkind  : 
it  is  only  that  God  is  saying  to  them — "  You  are  yet  to  meet 
trouble,  to  go  against  the  strong  current :  your  dispensation  is 
to  live  hy  faith  and  not  by  sight ;  and  as  you  go  on  your  jour- 
ney, you  shall  not  want  special  helps."  True  religion  is  not 
a  rapture,  but  a  blessed,  holy  habit :  it  is  a  pilgrim  holding  on 
his  way.  The  sun  may  not  always  shine  upon  his  path  :  yet 
he  holds  on  :  it  is  his  habit  to  go  forward,  and  not  to  look  be- 
hind. 

We  should  endeavour  to  demonstrate  our  regard  to  every 
special  favour.  See  how  Jacob  acted  after  God  had  gone  up 
from  him — he  set  vp  a  pillar  in  the  place  where  God  talked 
with  him  ;  as  though  he  had  said — •'  I  will  bear  a  testimony 
that  the  Lord  is  nigh  to  them  that  call  upon  him.  I  am  indeed 
a  pilgrim,  a  dweller  in  tents,  but  by  the  help  of  God,  I  will 
quicken  my  mind  by  the  transaction  that  has  passed  here." 
Every  Christian  before  he  strikes  his  harp  in  heaven,  will  be 
taught  to  touch  it  upon  earth,  however  imperfectly. 

There  are  places  which  present  holy  associations.  If  there 
is  any  place  where  we  have  wrestled  with  God  for  a  blessings 
and  have  gone  again  and  again  and  found  help,  let  us  remem- 
ber that  place.     See  Hannah.  1  Sam.  i.  26. 

We  must  rest  in  God  and  not  in  places.  We  must  recur  to 
Christ  who  giveth  strength  and  victory,  and  in  Him  must  be 
our  rest.  Even  Bethel  was  afterwards  called  Bethaven,  the 
house  of  vanity. 

If  the  Lord'has  been  pleased  to  speak  to  our  hearts,  to  en- 
lighten our  eyes,  and  to  strengthen  our  hands,  we  should  re- 
joice in  it,  and  remember  it :  but  we  should  rejoice  with  trem- 
bling— for  trials  generally  follow  favours.     All  our  attainments 


Israel's  last  testimony.  435 

here  have  humbling  appendages  connected  with  them  :  Jacob 
went  halting  all  his  days :  and  St.  Paul  had  a  thorn  in  the 
flesh.  The  strongest  men  are  weak,  and  the  best  halt.  Jacob 
had  soon  to  set  up  a  pillar  of  sorrow  over  Rachel's  grave. 
Thus  we  are  made  to  feel  that  we  are  still  in  the  body,  and 
must  go  on  watering  our  way  with  tears. 


ISRAEL'S  LAST  TESTIMONY. 


^^nd  Jacob  called  unto  his  sorts,  and  said,  Gather  yourselves 
together,  that  I  may  tell  you  that  which  shall  befal  you  in 
the  last  days,  <SfC. — Gen.  xlix.  1 — 8. 

He  who  hath  seen  God's  wonders  is  called  to  be  God's  wit- 
ness. We  must  bear  a  faithful  testimony  against  sin,  whether 
in  the  church,  or  in  our  own  family — for  so  did  Jacob.  When 
his  sons  were  standing  round  his  dying  bed,  it  might  have  been 
expected  that  he  would  have  forgotten  all  their  past  follies. 
We  should  not  have  been  surprised  to  hear  him  say,  "  1  am 
Slow  about  to  depart.  1  will  not  disturb  and  harass  my  spirits 
now,  but  keep  my  mind  quiet  and  composed."  But  there  is 
such  a  thing  as  loving  the  truth  above  every  thing  else  :  there- 
fore he  proceeds — Reuben,  thou  art  my  first-born.  .  .  .  un- 
stable as  water  thou  shalt  not  excel.  Simeon  and  Levi  are 
brethren  :  instruments  of  cruelty  are  in  their  habitations.  O 
my  soul,  come  not  thou  into  their  secret  !  The  Christian,  like 
his  great  Master,  hates  sin,  but  pities  the  sinner,  and  deals 
tenderly  with  him — yet  honestly  as  to  his  faults.  We  must 
never  connive  at  sin. 

Jacob  died  as  a  witness  for  God.  When  he  mentions  the 
troubles  which  he  has  gone  through,  and  how  God  lias  sup- 
ported him  under  them,  he  bears  a  testimony  that  if  we  would 
but  trust  in  God,  He  would  not  only  come  up  to  our  expecta- 
tions, but  infinitely  exceed  them.  He  says  to  Joseph,  "  I  had 
not  thought  to  see  thy  face,  and  lo,  God  hath  showed  me 
thy  seed."  He  also  died  comforting  the  church  generally.  See 
chap,  xlvii.  21. 


436  FBAGMENTS,  ETC. 

GODLINESS  THE  BEST  SECURITY 


For  the  turning  away  of  the  simple  shall  slay  them,  and  the 
prosperity  of  fools  shall  destroy  them.     But  ivhoso  heark- 
enetli  unto  me  shall  dwell  safely,  and  shall  be  quiet  from 
fear  of  evil.— F row.  1.  32,  33. 

Christianity  invites  to  examination.  We  are  invited  to 
search,  to  conapare,  to  take  pains,  lo  grow  in  wisdom,  that  we 
may  know  how  to  approve  things  lliat  are  excellent.  For  this 
purpose,  we  are  provided  with  a  measuring  rod,  a  standard. 
The  Christian  is  to  take  tlie  balances  of  the  sanctuary  ;  and 
that  he  may  not  be  misled  by  his  own  corrupt  heart,  and  be 
thereby  in  danger  of  making  false  conclusions  by  listening  to 
so  corrupt  a  counsellor,  he  must  search  and  enquire  with  much 
humility  and  prayer. 

With  these  only  true  balances,  let  us  weigh  the  favour,  the 
riches,  the  ease,  the  friendship  of  tlie  world — which  are  per- 
ishing in  the  using — with  ihe  portion  of  the  true  Christian, 
who  is  hastening  to  joys  immortal,  and  a  crown  of  glory  which 
fadeth  not  away.  A  moment's  consideration  must  determine 
which  of  these  is  the  most  excellent  and  desirable. 

It  is  very  necessary  that  we  should  acquire  a  iiabit  of  form- 
ing right  associations.  There  are  certain  things  which  we 
get  a  habit  of  combining  with  other  things;  as — that  what  is 
considered  honourable  in  the  world  is  good ;  that  riches,  how- 
ever obtained,  are  good:  our  whole  educalion  is  founded  upon 
this  wrong  system.  Achan  was  formed  in  this  school :  his 
considering  that  the  wedge  of  gold  was  good,  arose  from  a 
wrong  association  of  ideas.  The  three  great  adversaries  of 
man,  arc  the  lust  of  the  flesh,  the  lust  of  the  eyes,  and  the 
pride  of  life,  which  produce  a  carnal  way  of  thinking — the 
heart  struggling  for  ils  idol. 

Tha  right  associations  are  these:  to  consider  religion  as 
sound  wisdom,  and  ever  to  look  on  the  policy  of  a  wicked  man 
as  the  highest  folly — lo  consider  that  the  prosperity  of  fools  is 
a  loss,  not  a  gain:  it  destroys  them — that  it  is  not  pain  and 
adversity,  but  the  prosperity  of  fools  that  is  to  be  dreaded — 
that  if  a  foolish  man  (that  is,  a  sinner)  is  at  case,  it  is  the  stu- 
por of  death — that  true  obedience,  and  hearkening  to  God,  is 
not  a  task,    but  a  delight:  it  elevates  the  soul. 


GODLINESS    THE    BEST    SECURITY. 


437 


There  is  nothing  more  important  than  to  have  a  moral  eye. 
Without  this,  we  shall  never  see  things  as  they  are,  but  be  im- 
posed upon  by  custom,  by  names,  and  by  external  appear- 
ances. The  true  Christian  has  a  spiritual  habit  of  taking 
every  thing  to  the  Bible,  in  order  to  ascertain  its  real  worth  ; 
and  thus 'Uhe  spiritual  man  discerneth  all  things:"  the  use 
of  the  ordinances  of  God  is  to  strengthen  and  promote  this 
principle,  to  help  us  to  correct  a  false  taste, — to  consider  what 
is  really  good. 

Turning  away  is  a  term  of  vast  extent.  While  the  road  to 
life  is  but  one,  and  consists  in  hearkening  to  God,  there  aie 
ten  thousand  paths  to  death.  Any  deviation  from  the  straight 
road,  is  a  turning  away — not  only  profligacy,  but  formality, 
or  excessive  attention  to  business :  it  matters  not  what  you 
turn  to,  if  you  are  not  hearkening  to  God.  The  text  is  an  an- 
tidote to  envy,  ambition,  covetousness,  &c.,  but  the  remedy 
must  be  taken  now,  (see  the  foregoing  verses).  "  Woe  unto 
thee,  Chorazin  ! "  The  most  miserable  state  of  all  others,  is 
that  of  often-warned  impenitence  !  "  Suns  and  seasons  will 
wait  for  no  man  :  "  all  industry  will  avail  nothing  when  the 
season  is  past :  therefore  is  the  wise  ant  commended  for  im- 
proving its  summer. 

There  are  times  when  every  man  begins  to  feel  the  value  of 
safety,  and  tries  to  banish  the  fear  of  being  "  found  wanting"' 
at  the  last:  it  returns  again  and  again — "What!  if  I  should 
wake  in  eternity,  and  find  all  the  warnings  I  have  had  to  be 
true!" 

The  term  fool  in  Scripture,  does  not  mean  a  person  ot  natu- 
rally weak  understanding,  but  it  always  means  a  vicious  per- 
son,' turning  aw^ay  from  the  truth— from  God — from  his  real 
interest.  Thus  the  fool  prefers  the  toys  of  a  moment  to  his 
everlasting  good.     See  his  character,  Hosca  xii.  1. 

How  does  the  prosperity  of  fools  destroy  them  ?  It  inflates, 
pufl^s  up,  and  blinds  a  man  in  his  error:  he  knows  not  where 
he  is  :  it  infatuates  and  sensualises  him  :  it  insensibly,  gradual- 
ly, but  certainly,  indisposes  him  to  take  up  the  cross,  and 
walk  in  the  narrow  way,  to  be  a  practical  disciple  of  Christ, 
looking  how  he  walked,"'how  he  talked,  what  he  did,  what  he 
commanded. 

Prosperity,  in  a  great  city,  to  men  who  are  running  a  race 
after  it,  is  a' powerful  engine  in  the  hand  of  Satan.  How  did 
he  endeavour  to  tempt  even  Christ  with  a  sight  of  worldly 
splendour;  and  can  we  wonder  at  his  success  on  men?  Con- 
sider in  how  seducing  a  form  destruction  may  approach.  We 
*37 


438  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

see  and  fear  destruction  in  the  form  of  pestilence,  famine,  and 
sword:  men  guard  carefully  their  houses  from  fire  or  thieves. 
But  what  signifies  ihe  form  of  the  weapon  which  destroys  us  ? 
Does  the  love  of  ease  make  you  neglect  the  remedy  wliich  you 
must  take,  or  perish? — then  regard  it  as  a  deadly  snare. 

Learn  to  view  the  world  and  its  prosperity  in  the  glass  of 
God's  word.  If  you  grow  wise  in  divine  truth,  you  will  see 
in  the  history  of  every  day,  that  misery  lies  in  turning  away 
from  the  word  of  God  :  you  are  never  safe  for  a  moment,  but 
as  you  are  looking  to  your  compass.  Satan  has  snares  for 
believers.  Especially  let  them  fear,  who  are  pleasing  them- 
selves in  their  prosperity:  let  them  remember  that  they  em- 
brace their  worst  enemy.  Whenever  any  one  would  think  of 
ensuring  peace  and  safety,  let  him  remember,  that  nothing  can 
be  a  basis  for  these  but  true  religion. 

But  whoso  hearkenelh  unto  me  shall  dwell  safely.  The 
Bible  takes  hold  of  every  faculty  of  the  mind  :  if  fear  predomi- 
nates, it  takes  hold  of  fear:  if  hope  predominates,  it  takes  hold 
of  hope.  True  religion  inspires  man  with  colid  hope,  and  aflbrds 
him  an  effectual  antidote  against  human  calamity.  ^Yhoso 
hearkeneth  to  7nc  shall  dwell  safely.  He  has  for  iiis  refuge  a 
strong  tower:  he  shall  transact  all  his  affairs  under  a  sacred 
protection  :  he  shall  he  quiet  from  fear  of  evil.  He  shall  not 
only  be  safe,  but  lie  sh'dUfeel  himself  safe.  So  the  three  children: 
"  Vv  e  are  not  careful  to  answer  thee  in  this  matter  :  if  it  be  so, 
our  God  whom  we  trust  is  able  to  deliver."  "  They  that  trust 
in  the  Lord  shall  be  as  Mount  Zion,  which  cannot  be  removed, 
but  abideth  forever."  The  Christian's  best  interests  are  above 
the  reach  of  evil :  his  great  and  chief  concern  is  eternal  life. 
What  was  it  that  made  some  take  joyfully  the  spoiling  of  their 
goods?  VVhat  was  it  that  made  Moses  despise  the  riches  of 
Egypt?  and  choose  rather  to  suffer  affliction  v,ith  the  people 
of^  God,  than  to  enjoy  the  pleasures  of  sin  lor  a  season  ?  It 
was  having  respect  unto  the  recompense  of  the  reward.  It  is 
only  when  we  forget  the  marriage  supper  of  the  Lamb  that  we 
can  envy  sinners. 

Death  is  a  dark  valley,  and  hell  may  rage  ;  yet  it  is  the  be- 
liever's privilege  to  say,  "The  Lord  is  my  shepherd,  and  I 
will  fear  no  evil,"  either  past,  present,  or  to  ccme,  "  for  Thou 
art  with  me." 

There  are  moments,  when  the  privileges  of  a  Christian — his 
peace — his  safety — are  felt  to  be  of  more  wortli  and  value  than 
worlds.  A  man  of  property  has  been  seen  upon  his  dying  bed, 
ofTering  the  world,  if  it  had  been  his,  for  the  wise  man's  rock. 


TRUTH  THE  BEST  MERCHANDISE.  439 

When  we  have  attained  what  Simeon  waited  for,  and  rejoiced 
in,  then  we  can  welcome  death,  and  fear  no  evil  in  it,  and  not 
till  thtii. 

How  excellent  is  true  religion  !  It  puts  the  Christian  in  pos- 
session of  an  universal  remedy.  Let  Christians  therefore  live 
up  to  their  privileges,  and  bring  religion  into  daily  use.  Then 
shall  we  be  less  disturbed  by  the  news  or  the  circumstances  of 
the  day,  and  say  with  David,  The  Lord  is  my  light  and  my 
salvation;  whom  shall  I  fear?  The  Lord  is  the  strength  of 
my  life;  of  whom  shall  1  be  afraid?     Ps.  xxvii.  1. 


TRUTH  THE  BEST  MERCHANDISE. 


Bvy  the  tridh,  and  sell  it  not. — Prov.  xxiii.  23. 

The  world  is  a  great  market,  and  there  are  many  bidders; 
and  they  think  no  price  too  high  for  the  baubles  of  the  lair — 
though,  all  the  time,  they  weary  themselves  for  very  vanity, 
and  spend  their  money  for  that  which  is  not  bread.  But  what- 
ever we  buy,  if  we  neglect  to  buy  the  truth,  death  will  soon 
make  us  sensible  that  we  have  made  but  a  poor  bargain. 

He  that  embraces  Truth  praciically  is  a  great  character. 
Men  love  the  Truth  when  it  is  not  agaitist  them.  Thus  did 
Herod;  but  he  could  not  go  through  with  it :  he  could  not  cut 
off  a  right  hand,  nor  ])luck  out  a  right  eye.  He  would  not 
put  away  the  idol  of  his  aflections.  One  sin  may  master  and 
keep  dovv'n  another,  and  still  the  strong  man  armed  hecp  his 
hold.  We  must  not  satisfy  ourselves  that  we  have  this  or  that 
truth  :  we  must  have  the  whole,  not  a  part. 

There  is  no  need  to  dress  and  adorn  Truth  :  the  great  mat- 
ter is,  to  let  it  appear  in  its  native  forces:  it  will  discover  itself 
to  be  the  "treasure  hid  in  afield;"  the  "belter  part;"  the 
"  pearl  of  great  price,"  which  cannot  be  bought  too  dear, 
though,  like  the  merchantman,  we  should  sell  all  (hat  we  have 
to  purchase  it. 

Bay  the  truth,  and  sell  it  not.  Buy  it  at  any  rate;  part 
with  every  thing  wliich  God  calls  for,  and  it  will  still  he  bought 
chenp.     "Keep  her;  for  she  is  thy  life."     For  if  it  be  the 


440  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

TRUTH,  it  is  a  livincr  principle:  it  will  make  you  grow  up  into 
Christ :  it  is  the  life  and  light  of  the  soul  :  it  is  God's  ordi- 
nance to  illuniinate  a  dark  world.  Buy  it  therefore,  and  sell 
it  not. 


THE  RIGHT  MANNER  OF  RECOMMENDING  TRUTH. 


Speaking  the  truth  in  love. — Eph.  iv.  15. 

We  are  called  to  maintain  the  truth,  in  opposition  to  all  that 
would  subvert  it,  and  notwithstanding  that  it  may  be  slighted 
and  rejected.  This  we  must  do  whatever  it  shall  cost  us,  and 
in  the  most  trying  times:  but  we  must  rise  higher  yet;  and 
do  all  this  in  love.  We  must  maintain  it  in  the  spirit  of  our 
Master;  so  maintain  it,  as  to  make  it  appear  that  we  love  it 
for  itself — for  its  own  excellence  and  saving  benelit ;  and  that 
■we  do  not  speak  it  to  shew  our  superior  knowledge  and  abili- 
ties, or  because  we  wish  to  establish  some  favourite  opinion  ; 
but,  on  the  contrary,  that  we  are  ready  to  give  up  what  does 
not  belong  to  it,  though  it  may  lie  in  things  never  so  dear  to 
us;  and  that  the  love  of  the  Truth  surmounts  every  thing. 

As  it  is  not  enough  that  a  man  speak  the  Truth,  if  he  does 
not  speak  it  in  love;  so  it  is  not  enough  that  he  has  what 
looks  like  love  and  benevolence,  if  he  does  not  hold  the  truth 
as  it  is  in  Jesus. 

He  who  speaks  the  truth  in  love,  must  sometimes  reprove, 
rebuke,  and  warn  with  an  awful  voice;  but  still  this  arises 
from  love.  The  Truth  is  sometimes  so  contrary  to  our  pre- 
judices, so  exposes  a  man  to  himself,  so  holds  up  the  mirror, 
so  probes  the  mind,  is  so  hard  a  necessity — that  it  has  often  a 
very  awful  presence.  It  so  binds  down  corrupt  nature,  so 
curbs  the  will  and  opposes  the  inclination,  that,  however  it  may 
be  presented,  it  often  makes  us  shrink;  and  more  especially 
when  it  sets  in  against  a  storm  of  passion  or  temptation  :  it  is 
then  like  adding  vinegar  to  nitre.  How  important  is  it,  there- 
fore, that  we  should  endeavour  to  speak  the  Truth  in  love,  as 
Christ  did  ;  that  we  should  look  as  he  looked  upon  Peter  ! 
"  Let  all  your  things  be  done  with  charity."     Violence  and 


ON  NEUTRALITi'^  IN  RELIGION.  441 

crafl  may  be  necessary  to  establish  a  sect ;  but  Truth  must  be 
established  by  love  and  quietness. 

As  Christians,  we  are  called  to  walk  by  an  humble  path  to 
a  high  home.  We  should  have  a  low  opinion  of  ourselves, 
and  a  high  opinion  of  our  profession.  It  should  be  our  aim  to 
walk  worthy  of  the  vocation  wherewith  we  are  called;  main- 
taining the  truth  in  every  possible  way — by  simplicity,  by 
carefulness,  and  by  integrity. 

As  a  man  is  growing  up  into  Christ,  he  is  more  disposed  to 
speak  the  truth  in  love. 


ON  NEUTRALITY  IN  RELIGION. 


He  that  is  not  with  me  is  ugainst  me :  and  he  that  gathereth 
not  with  me  scatiereth. — Luke  xi.  23. 

The  Scriptures  are  wonderfully  adapted  to  the  mind  of  man 
in  every  respect.  There  are  many  persons  who  can  only  be 
taught  by  a  train  of  reasoning:  the  Scripture  meets  such  per- 
sons. Others  require  a  shorter  method  :  the  Scripture  is  also 
adapted  to  such — it  has  great  truths  comprised  in  a  single  max- 
im :  "  He  that  is  not  with  me  is  against  me  :  and  he  that  gath- 
ereth not  with  me  scattereth."  The  declaration  refers  primari- 
ly to  Satan  ;  but  its  meaning  is  universal,  whether  it  is  spo- 
ken to  a  fallen  angel  or  a  fallen  man. 

Observe  what  Christ  looks  at,  and  promises  profit  to  them 
that  arc  with  Mini — that  has  the  same  object  he  has — that  sit 
at  his  feet  like  Mary,  hear  his  word  and  take  it  as  a  guide, 
looking  to  his  Spirit  to  enable  them  to  do  his  will. 

He  that  works  with  Christ,  must  take  his  doctrines  to  work 
with — must  take  his  atonement  as  the  only  way  of  obtain- 
ing the  pardon  of  sin.  There  is  no  such  thing  in  religion  as 
NEUTRALITY  :  Hc  that  is  not  loith  me,  sailh  Christ,  is  against 
me.  Some  things,  like  water,  quench  the  fire  at  once:  other 
things,  like  ashes,  smother  and  put  it  out  by  degrees. 

How  did  Christ  gather  his  church?  Did  he  not  come  de- 
claring the  guilt,  depravity,  and  helplessness  of  man?  and  did 
He  no"  declare  the  remedy  ?     Did  He  not  bring  the  ransom, 


442  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

and  teach  all  his  disciples  that  there  was  no  life  but  in  his 
death?  no  liberty  but  in  his  power?  Surely  we  ought  to  give 
unlimited  confidence  to  our  infallihle  Teacher  ;  to  sit  at  his 
feet  to  learn,  not  to  reason  ;  particularly  the  mystery  of  nian's 
redemption  by  his  death.  Christ  is  distinguished  as  a  legisla- 
tor, from  all  others,  by  his  being  essential.  There  arises  out 
of  this,  the  infinite  evil  of  sin,  which  needed  such  sacrifice — 
the  infinite  love  of  God  who  so  loved  the  world  as  to  give  his 
only-begotten  Son — the  infinite  holiness  of  God,  which  could 
be  satisfied  with  nothing  less  than  a  perfect  atonement — the 
infinite  worth  of  an  immortal  soul  :  and  there  must  be  an  en- 
tire submission  of  the  heart  to  God's  way  of  salvation.  The 
obstruction  which  the  doctrine  of  the  cross  meets  with  in  the 
human  heart,  should  be  an  evidence  of  the  truth  of  the  Gospel : 
for  it  has  been  the  same  in  all  ages.  Yet  there  is  no  other 
name  by  which  we  may  be  saved — no  other  price  but  the  blood 
of  Christ — no  other  plea  which  a  sinner  dare  plead  before  God. 
What  a  poor  beggarly  thing  is  moral  virtue  to  stand  before 
God  with  :  Let  us  not  stumble  at  this  consecrated  path  :  rather 
let  us  say  with  the  Apostle,  "  God  forbid  that  1  should  glory, 
save  in  the  cross  of  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ." 

Let  us  learn  the  necessity  of  simplicity  of  principle,  and  un- 
limited subjection.  Are  we  ^oith  him?  Are  we  trusting  to 
his  cross  ?  Are  we  looking  to  his  word  ?  Are  we  his  disci- 
ples indeed?  Has  Christ  spoken?  Is  He  to  teach  us,  or  we 
Him  ?  His  religion  consists  in  "  casting  down  imaginations." 
Let  us  say  with  Peter,  "  Lord,  to  whom  shall  we  go?  Thou 
hast  the  words  of  eternal  life."     Neutrality  in  religion  is  actual 

OPPOSITION. 


ON  PARTIAL  REPENTANCE. 


They  return,  but  not  to  the  Most  High :  they  are  like  a  de- 
ceifful  bow. — Hosea  vii.  16. 

Nothing  but  the  grace  of  God  is  sufficient  to  convert  a  soul. 
Afflictions  and  favours  may  have  their  efl^ects ;  but  the  affec- 
tions which  they  excite  will  soon  subside:  the  reformation  will 
be  partial  ;  and  some  favourite  sin  retained. 


ON  PARTIAL  REPENTANCE.  443 

We  learn  from  this  passage  that  there  is  a  repentance  unto 
life  and  a  repentance  not  unto  life.  Tliis  last  is  the  repentance 
of  the  self-deceiver:  he  returns,  from  gross  sins  and  utter  ne- 
glect of  duty,  to  an  attendance  on  ordinances,  for  which  he  will 
begin  to  show  a  degree  of  reverence  :  and  he  will  return,  in 
some  measure,  to  secret  duties;  at  times  offering,  even  in  his 
closet,  the  sacrifices  of  prayer  and  praise.  lie  will  determine 
to  change  his  course  of  Wi'e,  and  to  walk  circumspectly  ;  but 
this  he  will  only  accomplish  for  a  season.  Herod,  who  heard 
John  gladly,  seems  to  have  experienced  such  a  change. 

A  reformation  like  this  may,  to  an  ignorant  person,  appear 
sufficient  ;  yet  all  this  may  be  done  without  returning  to  the 
Most  High.  The  self-deceiver  is  not  really  sensible  of  the  puri- 
ty and  holiness  of  God,  or  he  would  humble  himself  and  cry  out, 
*'  Unclean,  unclean  !"  But  he  never  comes  in  this  way  ;  and, 
as  he  feels  no  true  humiliation,  so  neither  does  he  feel  any  true 
submission  :  for  had  he  a  right  view  of  the  sovereignty  of  God, 
he  would  say — "  I  will  bear  the  reproach  of  my  youlh."  But 
he  is  more  desirous  of  having  the  affliction  removed  than  of 
his  heart  purified  ;  and  he  would  rather  prescribe  than  submit. 
He  comes  with  no  humble  confidence  to  the  Most  High  ;  and 
if  he  returns  not  to  God,  as  God,  he  returns  not  at  all.  The 
Lord  is  a  jealous  God,  and  requireth  truth  in  the  inward  parts  : 
he  looketh  to  the  heart :  and  he  expects  the  sinner  to  approach 
with  suitable  impressions.  "  If  1  am  a  Father  where  is  my 
honour?"     He  sees  through  all  veils. 

Consider  next  the  comparison  used  in  the  text — a  deceitfvl 
bow.  A  bow  is  used  for  the  purpose  of  sending  arrows  to  the 
mark  to  which  the  archer  designed  them.  If  the  bow  be  bent,  and 
out  of  order,  the  arrows  will  either  go  on  one  side,  or  fall  short 
of  the  mark.  This  will  illustrate  the  character  of  the  self-de- 
ceiver ;  he  professes  to  turn  to  God  :  but  he  goes  beside  the 
mark,  or  falls  short  of  it.  See  the  same  comparison  used 
Psalm  Ixxviii.  "  They  were  turned  aside  like  a  deceitful  bow." 
What  then  is  a  real  return  to  God?  It  is  such  a  return,  as 
brings  us  to  a  state  of  acceptance  with,  and  rest  in,  God  :  and 
the  only  possible  way  of  obtaining  this,  is  in  and  through 
Christ.  We  must  go  immediately  to  Him,  and  placing  our 
hope  only  in  Him.  The  soul  can  only  rest  in  God  as  a  cove- 
nant-God, and  this  is  the  object  at  which  the  true  penitent 
aims.  But  the  self-deceiver  comes  trusting  in  some  good  act 
of  his  own,  mixed  and  blended  with  the  merits  of  Christ  :  he 
thinks  that  he  must  prepare  himself  for  Christ,  instead  of  com- 
ing to  him  for  every  grace.     So  it  appeared  strange  to  Naa- 


444  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

man  when  the  prophet  said,  "  Wash,  and  be  clean."  Thus, 
to  bid  a  sinner  believe,  seems  to  be  setting  aside  good  works: 
though  God  himself  says  there  is  no  other  way  which  so  hon- 
ours him,  and  which  so  effectually  produces  obedience. 

But  the  self-deceiver  objects.  He  may  profess  to  direct  his 
endeavours  aright ;  but  he  shoots  with  a  deceitful  bow,  and 
comes  short  of  the  mark  which  ho  professes  to  aim  at — namely, 
acceptance:  the  arrow  falls  at  his  very  feet :  he  does  not  attain 
to  acceptance,  or  rest  in  God  :  he  rests  in  his  duties,  and  goes 
nofurlher:  all  he  desires  is  to  satisfy  conscience,  and  therefore 
performs  certain  duties;  but  never  thinks  of  enjoying  God  in 
them,  nor  feels  himself  restless  till  God  dwells  in  him,  and  he 
in  God.  He  does  not  see,  that  with  all  these  services  he  is  al- 
together vile. 

There  are  in  this  day  many  who  have  a  name  to  live.  Let 
such,  then,  as  are  returning  to  God,  take  heed  that  they  be  not 
deceived.  Self-love  blinds  the  eyes  :  and  a  mistake  in  this 
matter  is  soon  made,  but  not  soon  redressed.  It  is  a  solid, 
abiding  enjoyment  of  God  to  which  you  are  to  return — taking 
Him,  in  Christ,  for  your  portion,  and  your  all,  for  time  and 
eternity.  Do  not  ?cst  till  you  can  say,  "O  God  thou  art  my 
God,"  There  is  not  rest  for  the  sinner  but  in  the  true  Ark, 
the  Lord  Jesus  Christ.  What  we  all  want  is  Christ :  on  him 
we  must  live  :  never  be  satisfied  with  any  duty  where  you  do 
not  meet  and  see  Christ;  and  till  you  can  say,  "The  life  I 
now  live  in  the  flesh,  I  live  by  I  he  faith  of  the  Son  of  God." 
There  is  no  other  subject  worthy  of  our  thoughts ;  and  there- 
fore it  is,  that  advanced  Christians  dwell  on  very  little  else; 
for  as  a  man  enters  into  living  views  of  Christ,  the  world  be- 
comes crucified  to  him,  and  he  to  the  world. 


ON  CHRISTIAN   STEADFASTNESS. 


Cast  not  away   therefore  yovr  confdence^  which  hath  great 
recompence  of  reward. — Heb.  x.  36. 

The  main  device  of  Satan  is  to  loosen  the  Christian  from 
his  hold — no  matter  how,  whether  by  flesh  and  blood  being 


ON    CHRISTIAN    STEADFASTNESS.  445 

counsellors,  or  by  false  doctrines,  or  by  evil  company,  or  by 
getting  on  some  enchanted  ground,  so  that  he  may  be  beguiled 
as  the  serpent  beguiled  Eve :  any  thing,  so  he  may  but  succeed 
in  weakening  his  confidence.  In  this  way,  dreadful  havoc  has 
been  made  in  many  a  believer's  conscience. 

Satan  is  an  old  sophist,  and  therefore  we  need  not  be  curious 
to  know  all  that  he  has  to  say  against  the  truth.  In  such  a 
day  as  the  present,  we  must  turn  away  our  ears  from  vain 
speculations.  And  if  our  confidence  is  already  shaken,  and 
the  breath  of  poison  //.as  entered  at  all  into  our  minds,  let  us 
carry  it  to  Christ,  according  to  the  example  of  St.  Paul. 

Let  every  Christian  beware  how  he  casts  away  a  dear- 
bought  experience. 

Cast  not  away  your  confidence — that  is,  your  shield  :  Con- 
sider, how  it  has  defended  you  already  ;  call  to  mind,  how  that 
after  ye  were  illuminated,  what  a  fight  of  afliictions  ye  en- 
dured; and  yet,  the  wounds  never  entered  your  vitals,  to  de- 
stroy you.  Suffering  never  injures:  but,  consider,  the  dreadful 
alternative  of  losing  your  shield  !  See  Heb.  x.  29. 

Men  cast  away  their  confidence,  when  they  take  flesh  and 
blood  into  their  council.  St.  Paul  was  aware  of  this  danger: 
(See  Gal.  i.  15.)  "  When  it  pleased  God,  who  separated  me 
from  my  mother's  womb,  and  called  me  by  his  grace,  to  re- 
veal his  Son  in  me;  immediately,  I  conferred  not  with  fiesh 
and  blood."  But  Israel,  when  they  found  difficulties  in  the 
way,  remembered  the  flesh-pots  in  Egypt.     See  Exod.  xvi. 

When  the  principles  of  our  faith  have  laid  hold  o^  oux judg- 
ments, affections  and  habits,  then  will  our  profession  be 
steadfast. 

There  are  occasions  when  the  real  believer  may  for  a  time 
waver;  either  from  temptation,  or  from  some  new  opinion  or 
sentiment,  or  from  some  bias  of  the  affections.  But  suppose  this 
to  bo  the  case  for  a  season,  yet  enquire,  Is  not  the  bent  of  your 
soul  after  Christ?  when  your  judgment  is  attacked,  yet  are  not 
vour  affections  still  fixed  ?  or  if  your  affections  are  under  any 
bias,  does  not  your  judgment  say,  "Lord  to  whom  shall  we 
go!  "  It  seldom  happens,  in  a  true  character,  that  the  judg- 
ment and  the  affections  are  both  shaken  at  once  ;  one  or  the 
other  generally  remains  firm.  This  may  serve  to  encourage 
the  timid  believer,  who  is  no  hypocrite,  although  he  may  have 
been  assaulted  by  temptation. 

A  believer  should  beware    how  he  makes  unfnvourahlc  con- 
clusions against  himself,  when  he  has  fallen,  by  ihe  devices  of 
the  enemy,  into  some  sinful  snare.     Satan  then  comes  in  with 
38 


446  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

a  flood  of  hard  despairing  thoughts,  and  suggests  to  us, — That 
we  never  had  any  grace — that  we  have  been  deceiving  our- 
selves— that  if  we  had  ever  been  God's  children,  he  would  not 
have  suffered  our  feet  thus  to  have  been  taken  in  the  snare  : 
or,  that  if  we  have  had  any  degree  of  grace,  it  is  so  small,  and 
we  are  so  apt  to  err,  that  we  shall  be  continually  falling,  and 
never  hold  out :  and,  therefore,  that  we  may  as  well  give  up 
our  Christian  hope  and  profession,  and  turn  back  to  the  world 
altogether—for  religious  people  will  never  put  any  confidence 
in  us,  but  will  consider  us  only  as  pretenders.  But  God  for- 
bid  that  any  one  should  reason  thus  :  this  is  just  as  the  devil 
would  have  it.  No  !  Let  us,  when  every  thing  is  against  us — 
facts  and  friends — let  us  go,  like  Peter,  and  make  our  appeal 
to  Him  from  whom  no  secret  is  hid;  and  He  will  give  us 
tokens  of  his  forgiving  love ;  and,  in  due  time,  clear  up  our 
characters  to  others.  The  relation  which  subsists  between  God 
and  his  children  is  a  strong  ground  of  confidence.  God  is  a 
Father;  and  "as  a  faiher  pitieth  his  children,  so  the  Lord 
pitieth  them  that  fear  him." 

Perseverance  and  reward  are  inseparable.  Cast  not  away 
your  confidence,  which  hath  great  recompense  of  reward. 
Has  a  man,  then,  any  claim  because  he  has  trusted  God  1  He 
has  a  claim  upon  the  faithfulness  of  God  ;  and  the  more  he 
pleads  his  claim,  the  more  he  thereby  honours  God. 

That  grace  which  begins  the  good  work — which  enables  the 
soldier  to  fight— the  racer  to  run— will,  one  day,  crown  the 
work  v/hich  it  begins.  The  grand  object  which  the  Christian 
soldier  keeps  his  eye  upon,  is  that  "  crown  of  glory  which 
fadeth  not  away."  There  is  also  a  present  reward— there  is 
"  the  peace  of  God  which  passeth  all  understanding,"  which, 
through  all  events,  keeps  our  hearts  and  minds  as  in  a  garrison. 

Some  of  the  most  ignorant,  as  well  as  the  most  wicked,  per- 
sons will  say — "  I  always  had  confidence  in  God — I  always 
did  trust  Him.  But  beware  of  a  counterfeit  here :  they  that 
always  trusted,  it  is  to  be  feared  never  trusted.  To  trust 
rightly  is  to  expect,  upon  the  ground  of  God's  perfections  and 
promises,  that  he  will  do  for  us  in  all  circumstances  that  which 
is  wisest  and  best— that  which  is  most  for  his  own  glory  and 
our  good.  It  is  not  the  blind  confidence  of  the  ignorant, 
nor  the  presumptuous  confidence  of  the  proud  and  wicked:  we 
must  know  God  through  Christ,  and  as  reconciled  to  us  through 
Him.  We  shall  then  see  how  the  Divine  perfections  are 
calculated  to  inspire  confidence.  "  They  that  know  thy  name 
will  trust  in  thee." 


THE  CHRISTIAN  TRAVELLER.  447 

That  confidence  is  vain  and  delusive,  to  which  God  does  not 
set  his  seal.  The  confidence  spoken  of  by  the  apostle,  is  one 
well  grounded,  and  is  the  same  with  that  mentioned,  verse  15; 
"  Let  us  hold  fast  the  profession  of  our  faith  without  waver- 
ing;" and  with  that  which,  in  verse  19,  is  called  "  boldness  to 
enter  into  the  holiest  by  the  blood  of  Christ:"  courage  to  en- 
dure hardships,  as  good  soldiers  of  Jesus  Christ,  and  confidence 
to  go  as  children  to  a  Father,  laying  hold  of  a  promise  which 
cannot  be  broken. 

Those  who  have  long  made  a  profession  should  shew  that 
they  are  no  more  children.  Let  not  those  who  ought  to  be 
teachers,  have  to  learn  what  are  the  first  principles  ;  but  let 
them  endeavour  to  retain  their  first  love  in  its  simplicity  and 
ardour.  The  wisdom  of  a  Christian,  is  simplicity  of  aim,  and 
simplicity  of  dependence. 


THE  CHRISTIAN  TRAVELLER. 


For  here  have  we  no  continuing  city,  bid  ive  seek  one  fo  come. 
Heb.  xiii.  14. 

The  grand  reason  for  going  <'  without  the  camp,"  bearing 
the  reproach  of  Christ,  is  because  we  want  a  more  abiding  city 
than  this  world  affords.  All  Christians  arc  pilgrims  :  this  world 
affords  them  no  resting  place — no  tower  of  safety — no  true 
shelter. 

When  the  world  has  shewn  all  its  glory — one  mortifying 
question  makes  it  sicken  and  fade,  namely, — How  long  will  it 
last  ? 

While  the  splendour  and  afllucnce  of  a  great  city,  like  this, 
strikes  the  eye  of  every  beholder,  a  Christian  weeps  over  it,  as 
the  prophet  did  over  Babylon. 

The  philosopher,  the  poet,  the  moralist,  all  allow  that  "  the 
world  passcth  away  :"  but  it  is  only  the  true  believer  who  acts 
upon  this  truth.  All  allow  the  A\ct,  but  he  alone  lakes  it  up 
practically ;  and  declares  by  his  conduct  and  conversation, 
that  here  there  is  no  continuing  city.  He  therefore  goes 
through  the  world  like  a  traveller ;  and  as  he  passes  on,  he 
casts  a  look  of  observation  on  the  things  around  him  :  but  his 


448  FRAGMENTS,  ETC. 

heart  and  affections  arc  not  set  on  them.  He  is  content  with 
what  he  meets  with  in  his  way,  knowing  that  if  the  road  be 
painful,  the  journey  is  short  and  the  end  is  sure.  "  For  we 
know  that  if  our  earthly  house  of  this  tabernacle  were  dis- 
solved, we  have  a  building  of  God,  a  house  not  made  with 
hands,  eternal  in  the  heavens." 

The  Bible  is  our  directory  through  this  perishing  world.  In 
it  we  trace  the  footsteps  of  the  flock — in  it  are  set  up  way- 
marks,  to  warn  us  when  we  come  near  danger;  and  as  we 
travel  on,  light  and  strength  are  afforded  us  sufficient  for  our 
journey.  The  Holy  Ghost  shall  take  of  the  things  of  Christ, 
and  shew  them  unto  us. 

It  is  not  enough  to  tumble  over  the  leaves  of  our  Bible— it 
is  not  enough  to 'talk  of  the  greatness  of  the  promises— unless 
we  know  what  part  and  lot  we  have  in  them. 

What  steps  does  a  Christian  take,  who  says  he  has  no  abid- 
ing  city  herel  He  seeks  one  to  come  :  he  does  not  only  talk 
ab'out  it,  and  inquire  after  it,  but  he  seeks  it.  Two  men  sit 
down  and  converse  about  a  certain  place — the  distance — the 
nature  of  the  road,  &c.,  and  yet  never  lake  one  step  towards 
it.  But,  observe,  religion  is  a  seeking — a  setting  out — a  trav- 
elling. 

We  have  warning  every  day  of  the  truth  of  the  Apostle's 
assertion — We  have  here  no  continuing  city. 

But  we  seek  one  to  come.  The  eye  of  faith  can  see  out  of 
this  dark  world  into  a  brighter :  it  has  a  glorious  prospect 
opened  ;  and  looks,  as  Abraham  did,  for  a  "  city  that  hath 
foundations,  whose  builder  and  maker  is  God."  See  what  a 
Christian,  even  in  this  world  can  discover!  When  God  gives 
a  man  eyes  to  behold  the  glorious  things  prepared  for  him  in  a 
better  world,  he  is  often  ready  to  say,  (though  a  poor  afllicted 
sojourner  in  this,)  "Lord,  now  let  thy  servant  depart  in  peace 
— for  mine  eyes  have  seen  thy  salvation." 

While  every  man  is  in  pursuit  after  something,  it  is  the 
Christian  only  who  is  pursuing  solid  good. 

A  Christian's  seeking  a  city,  does  not  imply  that  he  travels 
in  the  greatness  of  his  strength— or  that  he  has  a  smooth  road  : 
but,  it  implies  that  he  is  in  earnest  about  seeking  it — that  he 
considers  there  is  nothing  else  which  can  be  put  in  competition 
with  it :  the  language  of  his  heart  is— God  hath  given  me  great 
and  precious  promises  of  a  glorious  kingdom,  and  haih  drawn 
my  heart  towards  it  :  and  shall  I  stay  in  the  plain  ?  I  would  fain 
sit  down  with  Abraham,  Isaac,  and  Jacob  in  the  kingdom  of 
heaven :  then  "  all  tears  shall  be  wiped  away." 


THE  CHRISTIAN  TRAVELLER.  449 

A  Christian  doth  not  turn  his  back  upon  the  fine  things  of 
this  world,  because  he  has  no  natural  capacity  to  enjoy  them 
— no  taste  for  them — but,  because  the  Holy  Spirit  hath  shewn 
him  greater  and  better  things  :  lie  wants  flowers  that  will  never 
fade — he  wants  something  that  he  can  take  with  him  into  an- 
other world.  He  is  like  a  man  who  hath  had  notice  to  quit  his 
house,  and  having  secured  a  new  one,  he  is  no  more  anxious  to 
repair,  much  less  to  embellish  and  beautify  the  old  one — his 
thoughts  are  upon  the  removal.  If  you  hear  him  converse, 
it  is  upon  the  house  to  which  he  is  going  :  thither  he  is  sending 
his  goods:  thus  he  declares  plainly,  what  he  is  seeking. 

Christians  who  profess  to  seek  a  city  to  come,  should  de- 
monstrate it  by  their  conduct.  If  our  conversation  and  hearts 
are  worldly  and  vain,  it  matters  but  little  what  our  profes- 
sion is. 

A  Christian  should  remember  he  is  not  at  home:  he  is  only 
at  an  Inn,  and  therefore  he  should  not  be  nice  about  the  ac- 
commodation— the  treatment  he  meets  with.  If  we  have  trou- 
bles, distresses,  stripping  dispensations,  let  ihem  be  as  a  me- 
mento that  we  are  not  at  home  in  this  world. 

Where  religion  is  not,  there  is  little  to  be  found  but  envy, 
discontent,  and  dissatisfaction :  a  grasping  after  something 
greater,  something  higher,  an  eager  pursuit  after  trifles.  The 
child  is  not  more  delighted  with  its  toys,  than  its  father  is  with 
his  fine  house  and  large  estate.     All  have  their  baubles. 

Whatever  this  world  can  give,  it  can  ne\'Q\'  u^we  contentment  ,• 
even  when  the  heart  has  as  much  as  it  can  wish,  the  thought 
of  how  soon  it  must  be  left,  dims  all  its  glory. 

How  guilty  a  state  is  that  man  in,  who  while  he  knows  there 
is  here  no  continuing  city — yet  prefers  perishing  in  it,  to  seek- 
ing one  above !  This  is  not  a  mere  spirit  of  carelessness,  but 
it  implies  contempt — he  will  pay  more  attention  to  the  meanest 
of  his  fellow-creatures,  than  to  the  grandest  proposal  made  to 
him  by  God. 

True  pilgrims  have  no  hope  of  entering  the  heavenly  city, 
but  through  the  blood  of  Christ. 

Since  Ihe  Christian  traveller  must  persevere  to  the  end, 
whatever  be  the  road  or  the  weather,  however  rougii  or  dreary 
— for  it  is  only  he  that  endurelh  to  the  end  who  shall  receive 
the  crown;  let  him  look  to  the  cloud  of  witnesses  who  have 
gone  before,  and  see  how  they  were  led  ;  and  let  him  stand 
upon  the  same  ground,  leaning  upon  the  same  arm,  and  rejoic- 
ing in  the  full  assurance  of  hope  that  he  also  shall  come  ofl'a 
conqueror. 

38* 


Hewavfes  on  bavfous  .Sutiects- 


ON  CHRISTIAN  HOPE. 


We  are  saved  by  hope. — Rom.  viii.  24. 

The  apostle  is  here  speaking  of  the  vanity  brought  upon  the 
creation  by  sin. — We  are  stripped  o[  all  ; — but  "  we  are  saved 
by  hope.^^ 

Faith  and  hope  differ  very  little  except  in  the  aspect  of  them  : 
they  each  have  reference  to  something  not  seen.  The  hope  of 
the  enthusiast  is  nothing  but  fancy  :  the  hope  of  a  worldly  man 
is  a  lie — the  mere  bait  of  the  devil.  To  all  this  the  apostle 
opposes  a  Christian  Hope.  What  does  this  hope  do?  Wait, 
in  a  constant  expectation  of  attaining  its  object.  If  a  man  is  to 
pay  my  debt  on  a  certain  day,  I  meet  that  man  accordingly, 
in  belief  of  his  word  :  but  until  that  time,  I  hope  for  it. 

Faith  is  that  which  lays  hold  upon  the  promise  as  a  ground 
of  expectation;  Hope  is  waiting  for  the  fuljilment.  Hope 
therefore  lies  at  anchor  in  the  storm,  and  says,  "  Let  the  bil- 
lows beat, — they  will  soon  cease  to  rage;  my  deliverance  is 
sure."  Hope  remains  quiet  amidst  the  ruins  that  are  around, 
and  even  amidst  those  that  are  within  ;  and  says,  notwithstand- 
ing all,  there  is  a  door  of  hope,  in  looking  not  at  the  things 
which  are  seen,  but  at  the  things  which  are  not  seen.  "  We 
reckon  that  the  sufferings  of  this  present  time  are  not  worthy 
to  be  compared  with  the  glory  that  shall  be  revealed  in  us." 
We  are  candidates  for  glory  ;  our  eye  is  upon  it ;  and  our 
hope  waits  for  it. 

Now  what  is  being  "  saved  by  hope  "  ? 

The  Scripture  holds  forth  both  terror  and  consolation.  It 
says  to  the  righteous,  "  it  shall  be  well  with  him," — well  be- 
yond all  conception  :  but  it  also  says  to  the  wicked,  it  shall  be 


OS    CHRISTIAN    HOPE.  451 

ill  with  him.  Salvation  refers  not  only  to  future  rewards,  but 
to  deliverance  from  present  troubles  ;  therefore  you  narrow  the 
ground  by  only  hoping  for  something. y"^/^i/re.  For  instance, 
Moses  was  brought  up  at  Pharaoh's  court, — but  he  was  saved 
from  the  blandishments,  allurements,  and  snares  of  the  Egyp- 
tian court  by  hope. 

Thus  every  believer  purifies  himself  by  hope;  or  by  a  more 
valuable  consideration,  which  enables  him  to  abstain.  What- 
ever philosophers  may  say,  I  never  knew  any  one  saved  from 
the  temptations  of  this  present  world, — but  by  the  Christian 
hope.  Lectures  on  philosophy,  to  prove  that  "virtue  is  better 
than  vice,"  will  not  accomplish  it. 

But  you  ask,  "  How  far  will  necessity  do  it  ?  "  I  answer, — 
at  a  great  distance,  you  may  cover  Windsor  Castle  with  your 
little  finger.  Mr.  Wilberforce  says  in  his  book  on  Christianity, 
"  I  do  not  know  any  consideration  strong  enough  to  keep  a 
sinner  from  evil,  but  the  principle  of /fo/?e."  Therefore,  what 
does  move  him?  This  more  valuable  consideration — this 
hope — for  which  Abraham,  Moses,  and  others  went  on,  and 
gave  up  the  thii7gs  mt^n  usually  make  idols  of.  As  St.  Paul 
says,  "  when  I  was  a  child,  I  thought  as  a  child  :  but  when  I 
became  a  man,  I  put  away  childish  things."  All  w^ho  are  not 
endued  with  the  grace  of  God  have  not  put  away  their  childish 
things. 

By  this  hope  the  Christian  is  saved  from  fatal  error.  He 
has  a  spiritual  hope  on  spiritual  grounds  ; — a  certain  object 
pointed  out,  and  also  the  way  to  obtain  it.  How  many  snares 
have  we  passed  through,  which,  upon  looking  back,  we  may 
see  we  might  have  escaped,  and  been  saved  from,  by  the  exer- 
cise of  hope.  Without  this  hope,  a  man  is  the  mere  sport  of 
the  devil,  by  his  power  over  the  imagination. 

So  with  respect  to  afflictions  ; — a  Christian  nnay  say,  these 
are  temporary  trifling  things,  and  work  a  far  more  exceeding 
weight  of  glory  : — but  take  away  his  hope,  and  he  sinks  ;  and 
flies  to  a  knife,  or  a  halter,  in  despair. 

There  is  hardly  any  thing  men  have  not  weathered,  in  natu- 
ral things,  by  a  principle  oi'hope.  For  instance  ; — in  a  muti- 
ny on  board  a  ship,  the  mutineers  have  put  the  captain,  and  a 
few  adherents,  into  a  boat, — with  only  a  bag  of  biscuits,  a  com- 
pass, and  a  bottle  of  rum  ;  it  was  calculated,  that  only  a  tea- 
spoonful  of  rum  and  a  small  portion  of  the  biscuit  could  be  the 
daily  allowance.  But  on  the  bare  portion  of  hope,  those  un- 
fortunate seamen   were   contented  to  weather,  and   at   length 


452  REMARKS    ON    VARIOUS    SUBJECTS. 

reached  a  Dutch  settlement  on  the  island  of  Timor.^  So  also 
through  the  whole  of  the  Martyrology,  the  single  principle  of 
hope  saved  the  Martyrs  from  belying  their  consciences.  This 
saved  Marolles. 

The  ground  of  a  believer's  hope  is  in  every  age  the  same. 
(See  Heb.  vi.  18.)  It  fastens  upon  Christ  as  the  chief  corner- 
stone ;  it  is  nursed  b}^  experience;  (see  Rom.  v.)  and  as  the 
Christian  grows  older,  his  hope  is  stronger,  and  he  gets  firmer 
footing. 

The  Christian  hope  is  the  purchase  of  Christ;  and  the  man 
who  has  communion  with  the  Saviour  enters,  even  now,  into 
the  possession  of  this  blessed  hope,  and  is  supported  by  it  un- 
der the  heaviest  burdens.  It  is  one  of  the  privileges  of  the 
sons  of  God.  By  this  hope^  the  believer  is  saved  from  guilty 
fears,  and  from  the  defilements  of  sin.  For  "  If  any  man  sin, 
we  have  an  advocate."  We  cannot  pass  one  day  without  as- 
sistance from  this  hope — of  which  the  Scriptures  liirnish  many 
astonishing  instances:  thus  Nehemiah  had  formidable  difficul- 
ties,— but  he  prayed  with  faith  and  hope.  So  in  the  case  of 
Jacob  meeting  with  Esau; — He  might  say,  I  can  go  through 
life  with  a  shrivelled  joint:  no  matter;  I  can  be  "  saved  by 
hope."  David  went  as  far  out  of  the  way  as  any  man  ;  but 
when  God  sent  to  him  Nathan  the  prophet,  his  penitential  ac- 
knowledgments being  founded  on  evangelical  hope, —  he  was 
saved. 

"  We  are  saved  by  hope,  and  we  are  ruined  by  despair. 
Presumption  is  equally  a  state  of  temptation  with  despair.  A 
man  who  throws  himself  desperately  into  the  sea,  is  not  more 
lost,  than  the  man  who  falls  in,  and  refuses  the  hand  that  is 
stretched  out  to  save  him. 

"  We  are  saved  by  hope,"  as  the  soldier  in  battle  is  saved 
by  his  helmet.  A  Christian  in  the  exercise  of  hope,  can  look 
steadily  at  death,  and  say,  "  O  grave,  where  is  thy  victory?" 

Hope  is  very  properly  depicted  by  an  anchor.     When  the 


1  This  alludes  to  (/aplaiti  BHgh,  wlio,  in  the  year  17S7,  sailed  from 
England,  in  his  Majesty's  armed  vessel,  the  Boimty,  on  a  voyage  to  the 
Society  Islands,  for  bread-fruit  trees,  intended  for  the  West  India  Settle- 
ments. Returnif.g  laden  in  1789,  while  at  some  distance  from  Otaheite, 
a  part  of  the  crew  mutinied,  under  a  sub-officer,  named  Fletcher  Chris- 
tian ;  and  put  the  Captain,  with  the  loyal  part  of  the  crew,  on  board  an 
open  boat;  which,  after  a  passage  of  1200  leagues,  providentially  arrived 
at  a  Dutch  Settlement  on  the  Island  of  Timor,  in  the  Eastern  Archipela- 
go.    (See  Gent's.  Mag.  Vol.  GO,  page  463.) — Ed. 


OS    CHRISTIAX     HOPE.  453 

seamen  can  do  nothing  else,  ihcy  throw  out  the  anchor ;  that 
is,  they  are  saved  by  hope.  So  that  a  man  who  has  this 
Scriptural  hope  in  his  heart,  is,  I  imagine,  saved  ipso  facto. 

But  there  is  a  false  hope,  which  is  sometimes  mistaken  for 
the  true.  Look  at  Simon  Stylites  on  his  pillar:  look  at  the 
pope  prostrating  himself  with  his  cardinals  :  they  are  perhaps 
contemplating  mischief  while  they  are  kneeling  down  :  grace 
is  not  in  their  hearts:  it  is  all  a  farce.  You  may  compel  a 
man  !  but  this  is  only  like  pushing  a  dead  corpse  into  form  : 
you  cannot  make  it  receive  life. 

Ti'ue  hope  is  the  confident  expectation  of  something  which 
faith  has  given  God  credit  for  ;  and  in  this  point  of  view,  it  may 
be  distinguished  from  presumption, — because  there  is  a  foun- 
dation for  it  to  build  upon. 

If  our  hope  be  7^cal,  it  will  be  fried  ;  and  the  value  of  it  will 
be  known  when  the  emptiness  of  all  other  things  is  discovered. 
The  disciples  did  not  apply  to  Christ  till  they  were  ready  to 
sink.  This  is  a  strong  picture  of  the  way  of  us  all.  We  have 
recourse  to  every  thing  ehefrst:  the  man  who  brought  his 
son  to  Christ,  felt  it  was  the  last  expedient ;  he  was  "  saved  by 
hope." 

But  a  doubt  sometimes  comes  across  the  mind  of  a  person, 
with  regard  to  the  attainment  of  this  hope.  If  I  hold  out  a 
piece  of  money  to  a  beggar,  he  takes  it  for  granted  that  I  mean 
to  give  it  to  him.  It  never  enters  into  his  head  that  sometimes 
I  will  give  alms,  but  it  is  not  certain  that  I  mean  to  give  it  by 
holding  out  my  hand. 

Obj : — To  those  who  say,  "God  is  able  to  give  me  this 
hope,  and  therefore  it  is  not  my  fault  if  I  do  not  possess  it." 

Ans: — There  is  a  perverscness  in  human  nature  disposed  to 
follow  the  exception  instead  of  the  rule;  and  disposed  also  in- 
geniously to  invent  exceptions.  If  there  is  any  thing  upon 
earth  which  I  value  highly,  I  shall  try  to  obtain  it;  otherwise 
it  is  a  decisive  proof  that  I  do  not  want  it.  St.  Austin  prayed, 
"  Lord,  make  me  a  good  man,  but  not  now.'''' 

Metaphysicians  cannot  connect  the  sovereign  grace  of  God 
and  the  responsibility  of  man.  I  will  not,  however,  go  into 
their  cobwebs  :  I  will  rather  plead  the  Act  of  Parliament — 
"  Why  does  he  yet  find  fault?"  He  says  lie  does;  therefore 
he  has  a  reason  for  it. 

Both  belief  and  unbelief  are  tending  ultimately  to  one  point, 
viz.  an  exhibition  of  the  truth  of  God.  Two  things  are  clearly 
set  forth  in  the  Bible,  namely,  that  man's  salvation  is  entirely 


454  REMARKS  ON  VARIOUS    SUBJECTS. 

of  the  free  grace  of  God, — and  that  his  damnation  is  only  to 
be  charged  upon  himself. 

There  never,  I  believe,  died  any  one  under  this  Dispensation, 
that  would  not  stand  speechless  before  God  at  the  day  of  Judg- 
naent.  None  who  could  plead  that  they  had  not  some  con- 
scienlious  struggles,  convictions,  or  feelings, — though  they 
might  have  slified  them, — if  they  were  only  derived,  as  Hope- 
ful says  in  John  Bunyari's  Pilgrim's  Progress, y^/*o??i  the  toll  of 
a  bell. 

From  all  this  a  corollary  arises,  viz.  That  despair  is  a 
damning  sin ;  "  Having  no  hope,"  said  the  Apostle,  "  and 
without  God  in  the  world ;"  that  is,  being  without  a  desireybr 
God. 


ON  CHRISTIAN  EXPERIENCE. 


David  says,  in  the  Psalm,  Come  and  hear,  all  ye  that  fear 
God  ;  and  I  will  declare  what  He  hath  done  for  my 
soul. 

It  is  remarkable,  that  there  is  no  art  or  science  in  which  ex- 
perience is  not  allowed  to  be  of  great  importance.  In  modern 
philosophy  there  is  scarcely  any  thing  granted  without  previous 
experience.  Men  of  science  call  for  it ;  and  if  any  thing  is 
proposed  that  is  not  confirmed  by  experience,  they  deny  it.  A 
man  who  has  been  many  years  in  a  profession,  observing  ef- 
fects, and  trying  experiments,  expects  to  have  some  deference 
paid  to  him,  because  he  is  a  man  of  experience.  Why  men 
should  not  pay  a  proper  regard  to  a  person  of  long  experience 
in  Religion,  cannot  be  accounted  for,  but  in  this  way — that 
every  thing  is  impartially  examined  except  religion  :  that  is  at 
once  stigmatized  by  the  term  enthusiasm,  or  fanaticism. 
David  says.  Come  and  hear,  all  ye  that  fear  God — He  speaks 
solidly  :  he  chooses  proper  persons  ;  he  does  not  cast  his  pearls 
before  swine  :  he  chooses  proper  occasions  :  he  is  a  regarder 
of  time  as  well  as  truth :  he  mixes  good  sense  with  good 
things :  he  does  not  enter  into  ditRcult  points  of  controversy  : 


ON  CHRISTIAN  EXPERIENCE.  455 

but  he  says,  Come  and  hear  all  ye  that  fear  God,  and  I  will 
tell  you, — not  an  idle  imagination — but  something  important, — 
somelliing  that  concerns  you — the  history  of  God's  goodness 
and  mercy  to  a  fellow-worm — I  will  declare  what  He  hath 
done  for  my  soul. 

A  drunkard  has  been  known  to  be  stopping  every  one  who 
came  in  his  way  to  tell  of  his  "  experience  :"  dishonest  per- 
sons, the  same.  Let  a  man  talk  as  much  as  he  will  of  free 
grace,  and  Christian  experience  ;  but  does  he  hate  sin,  and 
seek  deliverance  from  it  ?  The  greatest  honour  a  bad  man  can 
put  upon  religion  is  to  be  silent  about  it — but  never  profess  it. 
it  is  the  greatest  injury  which  religion  can  sustain  when  a  bad 
man  sets  up  for  a  saint. 

It  is  a  happy  thing  when  we  can,  like  St.  Paul,  say  to  our 
fellow  Christians,  "  Be  ye  followers  of  me'''  in  the  Christian 
walk.  I  am  in  the  midst  of  you  :  I  challenge  your  notice  : 
and  "  mark  them  who  walk  so."  Observe  strictly  how  we 
walk  in  contradistinction  to  those  who  are  enemies  to  the  cross 
of  Christ;  who  do  profess  to  walk  ;  who  wear  the  garb;  as- 
semble among  christians,  dsc,  and  then  he  distinguishes  them, 
— ''  whose  God  is  their  belly ;  who  mind  earthly  things." 

Sincerity  is  most  valuable  in  religion,  if  you  do  not  make  a 
title  of  it.  1  have  known  persons  who  could  tell  long  expe- 
riences, talk  of  extraordinary  raptures  and  manifestations, 
make  high  pretensions:  but  1  Jiave  had  no  comlbrt  at  all  in 
hearing  them,  but  far  more  pain  than  if  they  had  talked  the 
wildest  nonsense;  because  of  all  things  in  the  world,  there  is 
nothing  so  distressing,  or  shocking  as  a  prostitution  ol"  religion. 
There  has  been  evidently  one  thing  lacking — sincerity — sim- 
plicity— singleness  of  heart — a  good  character — consistency 
— honesty;  and  if  these  be  wanlmg,  away  with  all  reli- 
gious talk  and  cant  upon  earth  !  It  makes  me  sick  at  heart : 
a  profane  swearer  is  not  more  olfcnsive  than  such  a  man,  nor 
more  hurtful  to  Christianity.  I  have  known  others  who  would 
say  but  little — perhaps  not  very  clearly  discerning  the  things 
which  they  have  spoken  of — who  spoke  very  iiumbly  :  I  have 
seen  them  mean  much  :  in  their  conduct,  spirit  and  transac- 
tions, I  have  seen  them  mean  much  ;  and  to  sucii  I  would  hold 
out  the  strongest  encouragements. 

We  must  rather  doubt  that  a  person  has  not  the  grace  which 
he  professes  to  have,  than  doubt  whether,  if  he  have  grace,  he 
is  not  the  better  for  it :  for  true  conversion  makes  a  person  fill 
up  every  relation  in  life  better  than  he  did  before  ;  and  if  it  can 
be  proved  that  religion  does  not  make  us  more  patient,  more 


456  REMARKS    ON    VARIOUS    SUBJECTS. 

humble,  and  more  forbearing  and  forgiving,  more  tender  than 
we  formerly  were,  there  is  good  ground  to  suspect  that  we 
have  it  only  in  name.  We  should  always  be  careful  not  to  in- 
validate our  experience  by  our  conduct. 

It  is  a  sad  truth,  that  much  harm  has  been  done  under  the 
name  of  Christianity  ;  for  there  have  been  hypocrites  in  the 
church  in  all  ages,  and  under  all  forms.  But  Christianity 
cries  out  against  every  such  false  character  ;  it  still  keeps  its 
eye  upon,  and  weighs  actions  by  the  only  true  standard — the 
word  of  God. 

Although  an  advanced  stage  of  grace  shews  itself  by  humil- 
ity and  self-abasement,  under  a  sense  of  ichat  we  are  not, 
rather  than  by  any  very  high  attainments, — yet  there  will  be 
a  ripeness  in  the  Iruit ;  our  motives  will  be  more  pure,  our  de- 
pendence more  simple  :  there  will  be  less  of  self-confidence, 
and  more  of  teachableness,  patience,  and  holiness  :  there  will 
be  more  lowliness  and  more  love. 

It  is  the  duty  of  every  man  to  turn  back  the  book  of  his 
past  life,  and  see  how  God  has  taught  him  to  go.  "  I  taught 
Ephraim  also  to  go,  taking  them  by  their  arms."  Hosea  xi.  3. 
-'  And  thou  shalt  remember  all  the  way  which  the  Lord  thy 
God  led  thee."  Deut.  vili.  2,  3. 

What  is  the  whole  experience  of  a  Christian,  but  to  teach 
him  to  look  to  Jesus  l  to  raise  his  grovelling  mind  from  earth 
to  heaven  ? 

A  Christian  feels,  not  only  the  necessity  of  going  forward, 
but  of  going  apart — of  taking  time  for  private  retirement. 
The  mere  professor  is  to  be  ibund  every  where  but  in  his  secret 
chamber.  What  is  a  Christian,  but  a  man  who  has  access 
to  God  by  one  Spirit?  A  man  who  has  divine  fellowship? 
"  Truly  our  fellowship  is  with  the  Father,  and  with  his  Son 
Jesus  Christ." 

Learn  the  importance  of  understanding  the  nature  of  what 
is  called  Christian  Experience,  or  internal  evidence.  You 
must  enter  into  the  thing,  in  order  to  enjoy  it.  We  cannot  in- 
deed say  with  St.  Johnr"That  which  we  have  handled  and 
seen  declare  we  unto  you  :  "  but  we  can  say  what  amounts  to 
this,  namely,  that  we  have  fled  to  him  for  refuge — that  we  can 
lean  upon  his  arm  through  deep  waters.  This  is  a  high  priv- 
ilege of  human  nature,  that  it  is  capable  of  such  a  friendship. 
It  i"s  our  happiness  that  we  may  enjoy  this  privilege  independ- 
ent of  time  and  place  :  it  may  be  enjoyed  in  a  dungeon  ;  and 
though  interrupted,  yet  it  returns. 

In  order  to  distinguish  this  from  enthusiasm,  enquire,  is  your 


ON    CHKISTIAN    EXPERIENCE.  457 

experience  agreeable  to  the  Scripture?  Docs  it  bring  forth  the 
fruits  of  patience,  faith,  love  ?  Does  it  humble  you^  and  exalt 
Christ?     Has  it  a  holy  tendency? 

The  hypocrite  in  the  church  feels  that  the  mere  name  of  re- 
ligion does  not  bring  this  joy  and  privilege,  and  therefore  sup- 
poses  it  does  not  exist,  save  in  a  warm  imagination.  No  wonder 
that  such  are  among  the  number  of  those  who  go  back  into 
the  world,  and  say,  "  there  is  nothing  in  it!  "  But  we  deny 
the  fact :  there  is  a  knowledge  of  (4od  in  Christianity — there 
is  a  sensible  enjoyment  of  Christ — healing  the  corrupt  spring 
of  nature,  and  turning  the  heart  from  its  idols  :  and  putting 
this  language  into  the  heart,  "  Whom  have  1  in  heaven  but 
thee?  and  there  is  none  upon  earth  that  I  desire  in  comparison 
of  thee."  There  must  not  only  be  knowledge,  but  a  sensible 
enjoyment  of  God  before  the  heart  will  really  adopt  this 
language. 

God  forms  a  man  for  himself  by  soZicZ  experience.  He  leads 
him  on  step  by  step,  giving  him  fresh  assurances  every  step  of 
the  way,  so  that  he  shall  know  that  he  is  in  the  right  path  : 
like  St.  Paul,  he  shall  be  able  to  say,  "1  hiow  m  whom  1  have 
believed." 

The  nature  of  that  assurance  of  hope  which  the  Scripture 
speaks  of  as  attainable,  which  has  been  experienced  by  many 
believers,  and  which  all  are  exhorted  to  seek  after  in  the  me- 
thods of  God's  appointment,  is,  by  too  many,  much  misunder- 
stood. Perhaps  many  of  those  who  say  that  they  are  so  far 
assured  of  their  interest  in  the  gospel  salvation,  as  to  have  no 
perplexing  doubt^  may  have  but  a  very  slight  perception  of 
the  evil  of  sin,  of  the  deceilfulness  of  their  own  hearts,  of  the 
force  and  subtility  of  their  spirtual  enemies,  or  of  the  awful 
majesty  and  holiness  of  the  great  God  with  whom  they  have 
to  do.  Were  their  minds  more  powerfully  impressed  with  just 
views  on  these  subjects,  their  strongest  assurances,  (unless 
their  faith  was  likewise  proportionably  strengthened,)  might 
be  made  to  totter  and  tremble. 

Simplicity  and  obedience  generally  lead  to  assurance.  Mr. 
Newton  remarks,  "  I  would  not  give  a  straw  for  that  assurance 
that  sin  would  not  damp.  If  David  had  come  from  his  adul- 
tery, and  talked  of  assurance  at  that  time,  I  should  have  de- 
spised his  speech." 

A  solid  experience  may  be  estimated  by  its  effects.     It  will 
surely  make  us  humble,  spiritual,  pt^aceful,  and  patient.  Those 
are  to  be  pitied  who  talk  confidenllv,  as  if  they  were  out  of 
39 


458  KEMAKKS  ON  VARIOUS  SUBJECTS. 

the  reach  of  doubts  and  fears  ;  while  their  tempers  are  unsanc- 
tified,  and  their  hearts  sensibly  attached  to  the  love  of  the 
present  world. 


ON  TROUBLE  AND  PERPLEXITY. 


The  Bible  is  a  new  standard  by  which  to  measure  every  oc- 
currence. Who  would  ever  have  thought  of  counting  it  all 
joy  to  be  afflicted,  had  they  not  learnt  it  from  the  Word  of  God? 
But  he  who  carries  the  cross  on  his  back,  needs  the  crown  in 
his  eye. 

Every  believer  has  to  meet  real  trials :  therefore  he  should 
be  careiul  to  have  real,  vital  faith,  which  will  be  sufiicient  to 
lay  hold  of  God.  God  in  Christ,  is  the  rock  of  sinners  :  it  is 
so  strong  that  it  is  able  to  protect  us  from  all  our  enemies  :  and 
so  high  as  to  be  above  them.  We  are  led  to  Christ  our  Rock 
by  humbling  dispensations.  (See  Rosea  xiv.)  No  man  will 
prize  the  Rock  like  him  who  thinks  of  sinking.  God  says, 
"  Set  your  face  towards  the  Rock,  and  I  will  undertake  for  the 
billows." 

The  best  rule  a  Christian  can  go  by  in  dark  and  difficult 
cases,  is  to  ask,  "  What  would  Christ  have  done  in  similar  cir- 
cumstances?' And  if  this  is  not  sufficient,  let  him  further  ask, 
"  What  would  a  man  do,  who  shuns  the  cross  instead  of  tak- 
ing it  up?"  And  again,  "  What  is  it  that  calls  forth  self-de- 
nial  ?"  These  three  rules  will  generally  make  any  case  tol- 
erably clear. 

True  religion  is, — "  deny  thyself,"  "  take  up  thy  cross,"  and 
"  follow  Christ."     Human  nature  will   do  anij  thing  but  this. 

There  are  certain  seasons  when  it  is  our  privilege  to  commit 
our  aifairs  into  the  hands  of  God,  and  be  still.  "  He  that  be- 
lieveth  shall  not  make  haste:"  that  is,  he  shall  not  be  in  con- 
fusion, running  hither  and  thither  as  one  who  has  no  resources. 
He  shall  stand  still,  and  wait  for  my  teaching  : — not  like  one 
who  is  insensible  ;  but  as  one  who  is  dependent.  God  says, 
Give  me  time,  and  trust,  and  you  shall  not  wait  in  vain. 

Every  dark  and  mysterious  providence  is  a  special  season 
in  which  we  should  stand  still  in  the  way  laid  down.     If  your 


ON  TROUBLE  AND  PERPLEXITY.  459 

way  is  hedged  about  with  thorns — if  you  know  not  where  to 
fetch  your  next  step — yet  this  rule  will  hold  good — Be  still 
and  knoiv  (hat  I  am  God.  Say  to  Him,  Thy  way  is  in  the 
sea,  and  thy  footsteps  are  not  known  :  but  they  may  be  trusted. 
The  same  may  be  said  in  bereavements :  we  should  hear  God 
speaking  in  that  loss. 

When  death  enters  the  house,  we  are  madotosay  of  laughter, 
*'  it  is  mad  ;"  and  to  say  it  \\\\\\  feeling. 

Satan  is  never  more  busy  than  when  we  are  under  the 
greatest  bereavements.  He  then  often  suggests  hard  and  un- 
believing thoughts  of  God,  and  would  lead  us  to  think  lightly  of 
the  efficacy  of  prayer;  as  though  the  Lord  was  regardless  of 
the  supplications  of  his  people,  or  did  not  hear  them  because 
they  had  not  what  they  asked  for. 

Many  good  people  have  said  of  laughter,  "  it  is  mad,"  but 
they  have  not  been  aware  that  melancholy  is  often  madness. 
A  gloomy  drooping  spirit  is  unscriptural  ;  and  the  greatest  re- 
pellant  in  religious  exercises.  Many  have  been  disheartened 
by  it :  the  enemy  has  made  use  of  this  with  great  success  to 
frighten  others,  and  to  represent  religion  as  odiovs.  No  man 
has  a  constant  source  of  joy  but  the  true  Christian  :  he  only 
has  a  ground  on  which  he  may  rejoice  evermore. 

Standing  stilly  is  sometimes  found  the  hardest  work  a  Chris- 
tian has  to  do  :  therefore  while  v.'c  stand  silent  before  our  King, 
we  stand  encouraged  also  that  we  shall  reign  with  him.  He 
endured  the  cross  :  therefore  God  hath  highly  exalted  him. 

^'  Enter  into  thy  chamber  till  the  indignation  be  overpast:" 
as  though  God  should  say,  "  I  v/ill  lake  the  matter  into  my  own 
hands  :  I  hold  the  scale,  and  the  sword  ;  and  will  maintain  my 
power." 

Beware  how  you  enter  into  vain  conjectures,  and  say, 
<'  This  or  that  would  be  better."  Rather  say  with  Habakkuk, 
"  I  will  stand  upon  my  watch,  and  set  me  upon  the  tower,  and 
will  watch  to  see  what  He  shall  say  unto  me,  and  what  I  shall 
answer  when  I  am  reproved." 

God  may  sometimes  bring  us  into  perplexing  circumstances, 
but  we  more  frequently  bring  ourselves  into  them.  We  arc 
allured  by  some  shining  vanity;  some  darling  idol;  till  our 
way  is  hedged  about  with  thorns. 

It  is  melancholy  when  men  can  only  find  out  God  by  his 
judgments. 

As  servants  we  are  called  to  stand  in  a  certain  place — we 
are  called  to  stand  waitings  but  expecting. 

A  thousand  cases  will  occur  in  life  in  which  haste  will  mar, 


460  REMARKS  O^  VARIOUS  SUBJECTS. 

and  ruin :  while  the  man  who  stands  still,  in  God's  way,  has 
a  prospect  of  making  his  way  through  the  deepest  waters.  See 
Exod.  xiv.  13.  and  2  Chron.xx.  17. 

That  only  can  ])roperly  be  called  a  depth  when  a  man  has 
lost  his  comfort  in  God.  While  this  remains,  afflictions,  losses, 
and  perplexities  do  not  properly  deserve  the  name  of  depth.  A 
gracious  heart  cannot  rest  under  the  displeasure  of  God :  a 
gracious  man  will  always  be  turning  to  God  as  his  anchor  in 
the  lowest  depths.  Some  of  God's  people  are  so  assaulted  and 
tossed  about,  sc  tried  and  afflicted,  that  they  may  be  said  to 
be  like  persons  out  at  sea  :  others  :?oem  to  live  on  shore;  but 
such  can  form  little  idea  of  the  storn. 

\V^e  cannot  get  on  one  step  but  in  i  rusting  to  our  great  Leader. 
And  the  less  sense  has  to  build  upon — the  more  obscure  and 
intricate  our  way — the  more  should  we  rest  with  an  unlimited 
confidence  in  Him  who  sits  as  a  Refiner,  watching  over  the 
gold  while  it  is  in  the  fire,  that  none  of  it  be  lost :  and  while 
He  is  refining,  we  may  safely  trust  Him. 

What  a  vast  weight  is  taken  off  the  bel lover's  shoulders  by 
his  leaving  all  consequences  to  God  !  A  Christian  has  done 
with — How  shall  /bear  this  trouble? — how  shall  /act  in  this 
difficulty? — how  shall  /get  through  these  deep  waters?  He 
leaves  it  all  to  God. 

Most  of  our  difficulties  arise  from  discussing  what  belongs 
to  God :  our  business  is  generally  allowed  to  be  clea?' ;  and 
we  may  rest  satisfied  that  His  way  is  right. 

God's  way  is  not  more  obscure  than  our  way  is  plain.  His 
way  is  in  the  sea,  and  his  path  in  the  mighty  waters,  i.  e.,  un- 
traceahle.  Our  way  is  to  follow  Him  accordino  'o  his  revealed 
will.  "  Thou  leddest  thy  people  like  a  flock:" — This  truth  is 
of  universal  concern. 

The  infinite  disproportion  between  God  and  us,  should  make 
lis  tremble  at  the  attempt  to  follow  him  m  the  deep  waters. 
God  giveth  no  account  of  his  matters  :  but  the  believer  may 
give  thanks  and  say,  "  He  giveth  me  account  of  mine." 

We  have  an  account  of  what  God  is  doing  in  general,  though 
not  in  par/ict/Zar.     He  is  using  divine  means  to  a  divine  end. 

The  faith  of  God's  people  is  not  concerned  so  much  with 
his  power,  as  with  his  promise  ;  which  is  made  only  to  faith. 
We  know  that  God  is  able  to  do  us  good;  and  we  know  also 
that  He  is  willing,  because  He  hath  promised  it.  There  can 
be  no  faith  where  there  is  no  promise;  and  where  there  is  a 
promise,  there  can  be  no  presumption. 

It  is  a  very  natural  thing  for  us  to  say  in  difficulties,  "There 


ON  TROUBLE  AND  PERTLEXITV.  461 

is  but  o?ie  way  in  \vl)ich  I  can  be  bclped."  But  this  is  our 
mistake;  there  arc  ten  thousand  ways  by  which  Ciirist  can 
help  us. 

It  is  a  grand  defect  in  the  Christian  hfe — that  of  placing  the 
Divine  Arm  at  too  great  a  distance  from  us.  Faith  is  a  per- 
petual miracle :  we  do  not  enough  mark  its  power  and  its  ef- 
fects; we  do  not  enough  realize  unseen  things. 

God  sometimes  seems  to  say  to  us — "  If  within,  and  without, 
you  have  ever  so  much  cause  for  despondency,  yet — do  not 
limit  ME." 

Whenever  we  expect  special  interference  of  God,  it  should 
be  in  the  way  o^ prayer,  and  reminding  Him  of  his  promises: 
for  God  never  raises  expectations  to  disappoint  then). 

Prayer  is  the  believers  universal  remedy  for  all  disorders 
7cithin,  and  his  invincible  shield  against  every  enemy  icithout. 

Frequently  after  God  has  mercifully  answered  the  believer's 
prayers,  and  his  heart  is  ready  to  be  lifted  up,  there  is  sent  a 
thorn  in  the  flesh  to  humble  him  and  to  send  him  with  tears  and 
cries  again  to  Christ.  "  I  endeavour,"  said  a  good  man,  "  to 
take  my  troubles  to  Him,  who  exchanges  them  for  favours: 
lie  alters  their  quality  if  not  their  mode." 

There  is  a  time  to  act  as  well  as  pray  ;  *'  Wherefore  criest 
thou  to  nie? — Go  forward." 

Let  every  Christian  rem.ember — he  is  to  number  his  difficul- 
ties and  trials  among  his  good  things  :  for  without  them,  we 
should  become  like  Jeshurun.     See  Deut.  xxxii.  15. 

God  does  not  grant  any  place  upon  the  whole  earth  for  a 
believer  to  set  his  foot  upon,  so  as  to  say,  "  Here  will  I  rest :" 
but  says  to  him  as  He  did  to  Abraham,  "  Get  thee  out  of  thy 
country,  into  a  land  that  I  will  shew  thee." 

"  That  ye  be  not  slothful,  but  followers  of  them  who,  through 
faith  and  patience,  inherit  the  promises."  Our  depraved  na- 
ture wants  an  easier  way,  It  cries,  "  Shew  me  an  easier 
path  :"  rather  cry,  "  Shew  me  a  safe  path."  There  never  was 
a  character  who  disliked  the  old  way  of  going  to  heaven  by 
faith  and  patience — by  the  way  of  the  cross — and  found  out  a 
smoother  road,  but  matter  of  fact  proved  it  was  the  wrong 
way.  Infirmities  may  sometimes  make  us  travel  slowli/,  but 
we  must  take  heed  of  travelling  slot/tfulli/. 

Christian  patience,  or  the  grace  ot"  patience,  is  an  ability  to 
suffer  hard  things,  or  heavy  things,  according  to  the  will  of 
God — and  in  this  respect  differs  Patience  the  christian  grace, 
from  Patience  the  moral  virtue.  1  Peter  iv.  19.  "  Let  them 
that  suffei**  according  to  the  will  of  God,' 
39* 


462  REMARKS  ON  VARIOUS  SUBJECTS. 

cise  patience  as  God  would  have  them — "  commit  the  keeping 
of  their  souls  to  him  in  well  doing,  as  unto  a  faithful  Creator." 

The  fear  of  the  Lord,  and  the  comfort  of  the  Koly  Ghost 
will  enable  a  man  to  encounter  great  difficulties,  and  bring 
him  through  dangerous  temptations.  Sec  the  history  of  Joseph. 
Gen.  xxxix.  9. 

Past  deliverances  should  sound  loudly  in  our  ears  in  present 
trouble. 

God  sometimes  suflers  his  enemies  to  make  great  prepara- 
tion, and  then  shews  them  their  folly,  and  disappoints  their 
pride  and  malice;  and  that  often  by  the  easiest  and  most  sim- 
ple methods.  Paul  was  let  down  by  a  basket  over  a  wall. 
The  providence  of  God  was  as  much  concerned  in  this  as  in 
the  miracle  by  which  Peter  was  released  from  prison.  God 
appoints  the  bounds  of  our  habitation  :  the  house  from  whence 
Paul  was  let  down,  was  on  the  town  wall  :  the  safety  of  Rahab 
depended  eventually  on  her  house  being  on  the  wall.  See 
Joshua  ii.  15. 

As  believers  we  should  ask  a  blessing  on  every  change  of 
place  and  circumstances;  much  may  depend  thereon  which 
may  affect  us  to  the  end  of  our  lives.  We  should  accustom 
ourselves  to  connect  God  with  every  thing,  both  spiritual  and 
temporal :  w^e  then  enter  into  the  blessed  legacy  left  us  by  our 
master,  "  My  peace  I  give  unto  you." 

A  Christian  when  things  have  gone  wrong  in  his  heart,  and 
\vith  the  creature,  and  with  his  God,  often  gets  into  greater 
darkness  and  difficulty  by  endeavouring  first  to  settle  masters 
with  i\\e  former,  whereas  he  should  first  go  to  God,  and  then 
every  thing  else  would  soon  get  into  its  right  place. 

It  is  one  of  the  highest  lessons  in  the  school  o^  Christ  to 
learn  to  deny  the  reports  o^ sense.  Christians  are  sufferers,  to 
teach  them  to  look  to  the  end,  and  to  give  God  glory  hy  the  u-ay. 

There  is  scarcely  any  earthly  joy  which  we  have  lasted, 
and  paid  dearly  for  too,  that  has  not  left  a  sting,  and  cause 
for  repentance.  On  the  contrary,  we  shall  go  to  the  end  of 
our  lives  praising  God  for  things  at  which  our  hearts  have  re- 
coiled, and  under  which  we  have  trembled.  What  a  contrast 
is  this  to  the  sorrow  of  the  world  which  workeih  death ! 

True  religion  is  a  blessed  remedy  which  cures  all  disorders, 
and  which  sanctifies  both  prosperity  and  adversity.  A  good 
man  in  alHiction  is  a  patient  under  cure ;  and  we  can  but  con- 
gratulate him  though  the  operation  may  be  severe.  That  is  best 
for  a  man  which  keeps  his  soul  near  to  God,  and  teaches  him  his 
need  of  w^atchfulnes,  and  the  necessity  of  keeping  his  armour  on. 


ON  TEOUBLE  AND  rEKPLEXlTV.  463 

This  should  be  written  on  the  forehead  of  him  that  has  to 
go  through  life,  "  There  is  a  sanctuary  in  the  order  of  provi- 
dence."  When  the  sea  is  raging,  wait  for  a  calm  :  act  thus 
through  all  the  vicissitudes  that  arc  constantly  occurring  : 
things  are  stronger  than  we. 

We  are  called  to  wait  through  our  dispensation:  we  must 
have  the  night  as  well  as  the  morning;  and  it  is  the  business 
of  the  Christian  to  go  and  state  the  circumstances  of  the  night 
to  Christ.  We  may  tell  him  how  difficult  it  is  to  call  up  our 
belief,  and  trust  simply  to  his  promises:  we  can  tell  iiim  how 
hard  the  combat  is  with  our  corruptions,  and  how  apt  we  arc- 
to  limit  and  narrow  the  plan  of  God  with  respect  to  his  opera- 
tions. 

Oh  that  faith  could  tell  him  these  things,  as  though  we  saw 
him  standing  at  the  grave  of  Lazarus  weeping!  and  as  if  wc 
saw  his  tears  drop; — remembering  they  did  so  ! 

If  faith  and  patience  can  send  to  Christ,  and  wait  for  him, 
lie  can  no  more  refuse  to  come  to  the  believer's  help,  than  he 
can  break  his  own  sacred  word. 

We  may  comfort  a  poor  afllicted  creature  who  is  sitting  in 
darkness,  but  we  cannot  give  him  light:  we  cannot  do  Christ's 
work. 

Do  we  ever  think  of  affiiclions  as  a  land  grant  ?  A  Chris- 
tian should  take  care  how  he  gets  out  of  God's  way  to  escape 
pain.  See  the  consequences  oi' such  an  attempt  in  Jonah  ;  and 
when  wc  act  like  him,  God  will  arrest  us  as  truants  in  his 
school,  or  else  he  will  deal  more  awfully  with  us,  and  say, 
"  Ephraim  is  joined  to  idols,  let  him  alone." 

When  we  are  in  the  path  of  duty,  difficulties,  so  far  from 
discouraging  us,  ought  to  be  considered  as  the  trial  of  our 
faith. 

Under  any  confusion  and  disorder  of  mind,  we  should  beg 
of  God  that  as  he  did  once  order  and  methodise  chaos,  so  he 
would  settle  and  quiet  our  minds.  He  that  trusts  a  deceitful 
heart,  and  a  deceitful  world,  is  near  ruin:  but  he  that  is  able 
to  trust  the  firm  word  of  Christ,  shall  lie  established. 

It  is  founded  upon  experience,  that  the  Christian  flourishes 
most  in  storms  and  trials,  h^-cry  believer  is  ready  to  ac- 
knowledge the  danger,  and  often  the  loss^  of  a  long-continued 
calm.  1  never  talked  to  any  godly  man,  who  did  not  prize 
the  lessons  which  he  had  received,  and  the  enjoyments  which 
liad  been  granted  to  him,  under  the  severest  trials;  and  who 
did  not  consider  them,  as  some  of  the  choicest  moments  of  liis 
life. 


464  REMARKS    ON    VARIOUS    SUBJECTS. 


ON  THE  DANGER  OF  GOING  OUT  OF  THE  PATH 
OF  DUTY. 


What  we  call  taking  steps  in  life,  is  a  most  serious  thing, 
especially  if  there  be  in  the  naotive  any  portion  of  amhitioii. 
*'  VVherefore  gaddest  thou  about  to  change  thy  way  ?  Though 
all  things  work  together  for  good  to  true  believers,  yet  God 
will  visit  their  transgressions  with  a  rod.  "  Thou  wast  a  God 
that  forgavest  them,  though  thou  tookest  vengeance  of  their 
inventions."  There  may  be  things  occur  in  our  lives,  for 
which  we  shall  smart  all  our  lives. 

It  is  easy  to  master  an  arrow  and  set  it  right  ere  the  string 
be  drawn  ;  but  when  once  it  is  shot  in  the  air,  and  the  flight  is 
begun,  the  power  to  command  it  is  lost. 

We  should  take  heed  of  calling  every  thing  providential  : 
sometimes  things  come  before  us  as  a  temptation.  See  Jonah 
i.  3.  We  should  not  build  upon  success,  but  rather  take  a 
rule  o{  right  and  duty.  There  is  neither  safely  nor  comfort 
for  a  man,  but  in  the  path  of  duty. 

We  must  take  care  not  to  mistake  our  own  will  for  the  per- 
mission of  God.  Presumption  often  has  the  appearance  of 
faith  :  it  will  often  attempt  the  same  things.  The  event  will 
prove  its  false  pretences. 

All  our  actions  take  their  value  from  their  conformity  to  the 
will  of  God. 

It  is  a  serious  thing  for  a  Christian  to  move:  he  should  wait 
God's  call,  and  when  he  has  it,  attend  to  it ;  but  on  no  account 
whatever  go  out  of  the  path  of  duty.  Never  leave  a  certain 
command  for  a  precariovs  one :  see  the  case  of  the  Prophet 
slain  by  the  lion.   1  Kings  xiii.  26. 

If  a  man  will  venture  out  without  God,  let  his  advantages 
be  what  they  may,  he  will  blunder  every  step  of  the  way,  and 
fall  a  prey  to  the  meanest  enemy.  "  They  that  observe  lying 
vanities  forsake  their  own  mercies." 

Holy  fear  is  to  be  cherished  as  much  as  a  low  servile  fear 
is  to  be  avoided.  We  are  never  right  till  we  can  say  in  this 
or  that — God  is  in  it.  In  God's  way  we  may  tread  on  scor- 
pions and  not  be  hurt ;  but  woe  be  to  the  man  who  thinks  to  go 
out  of  God's  way,  and  escape  being  hurt !  He  must,  with 
patience,  tread  the  same  steps  back  again. 

A  good  conscience  is  tender,  and  shrinks  at  the  approach  of 


THE  DANGER  OF  GOING  OUT  OF  THE  PATH  OF  DUTY.  4G5 

danger.  It  ventures  not  in  the  way  of  temptation  :  it  is  like 
the  sensitive  plant :  it  cannot  bear  the  very  breath  of  the 
wicked,  if  it  has  been  overtaken  in  a  fault,  it  refuses  to  be 
comforted,  till  it  is  washed  from  its  stains  by  "  the  blood  of 
sprinkling." 

There  is  nothing  more  common  than  for  God  to  make  the 
very  person  who  has  seduced  us  from  the  path  of  duty,  the 
person  that  shall  punish  us,  The  man  who  refuses  to  be  led 
by  wisdofHj  shall  be  given  up  to  be  led  hy  foil ij. 

When  you  are  tempted  to  step  a  little  out  of  the  straight 
path,  and  the  enemy  tells  you,  "  It  is  but  a  little  one," — re- 
collect that  this  little  one  is  the  budding  of  the  root  of  bitterness 
— and  this  root  will  eat  as  doth  a  canker.  Our  wisdom  lies  in 
markino;  small  be";innini]!;s. 

DOC 

It  is  a  melancholy  truth,  that  frequently  a  man  gets  out  of 
the  way  of  duty,  and  knows  it  not :  nor  will  he  be  convinced 
of  it  by  his  best  friends.  Nothing,  but  "  looking  to  Jesus," 
can  restore  such  an  one  to  a  right  path. 

We  must  persevere  in  the  path  of  duty  although  we  are  sure 
to  meet  with  nothing  but  contempt  and  scorn.  It  is  probable 
that  the  people  of  Jericho  mocked  the  believing  Israelites  when, 
at  God's  command,  they  were  surrounding  the  city. 

Take  care  how  you  say — This  way  is  impassable — let  me 
go  by  some  other.  If  poverty  and  contempt  lie  in  your  way, 
shun  them  not.  Attend  to  the  teaching  of  the  Holy  Spirit. 
Unbelief  raises  walls  as  high  as  those  of  Jericho  :  be  not  afraid, 
nor  step  out  of  the  right  path  to  get  over  them  :  prayer,  faith, 
and  patience,  shall  make  them  fall  before  you.  The  Chris- 
tian's motto  is,  Watch  !  Endure!  Wait  I  we  are  safe  in  suffer- 
ing, but  not  in  sinning.  God  is  all-sufficient  in  the  time  of 
adversity  as  well  as  in  prosperity.  See  St.  Paul,  2  Cor.  xii. 
8—10. 

Satan  is  ever  tempting  us  to  seek  relief  in  some  by-path  :  his 
language  is — "  Enjoy  the  world  at  any  rate,  and  listen  not  to 
the  calls  of  conscience."  But  our  Lord's  example  teaches  us, 
that  no  extremity  should  lead  us  to  seek  relief  out  of  the  path 
of  duty. 

When  we  have  true  grace,  and  true  faith,  we  know  where 
to  find  relief  in  all  extremities. 

Even  in  the  path  of  duty — and  with  our  eye  fixed  on  Christ 
— and  while  simply  following  Him — we  are  liable  to  storms. 
See  the  disciples,  "  Master,  Master  !  we  perish!"  If,  how- 
ever, we  are  not  secure  from  trials,  we  are  secure  from  harm. 
Christ  is  ever  nigh  his  people  :  but  the  eye  of  faith  is  some- 
times clouded,  that  it  cannot  see  liim. 


466  REMARKS    ON    VARIOUS    SUBJECTS- 

Nothing  is  more  opposed  to  religion  than  idleness.  There 
is  the  duty  that  respects  the  soul,  the  body,  the  family,  and  so= 
ciety  at  large ;  nor  must  we  quit  our  post  because  of  dis- 
couragements. "  VVe  have  toiled  all  night,"  says  Peter,  "  and 
have  taken  nothing:  nevertheless  at  thy  word  I  will  let  down 
the  net."  We  are  only  safe  in  following  infallible  direction 
— in  doing  as  we  are  bid  by  Christ. 

It  is  always  the  believer's  infirmity  when  he  cannot  give 
God  unlimited  confidence;  and  it  is  his  weakness  when  he 
trusts  any  where  else. 

Peter  was  "  astonished  at  the  draught  of  fishes  ;"  (See 
Luke  V.  8,  9.)  It  is  the  duty  of  every  man  to  be  found  dili- 
gent in  his  business  and  profession  ;  Christ  puts  honour  upon 
the  path  of  duty.  The  first  step  to  the  most  profitable  busi- 
ness is  frequently  taken  in  great  fear  and  obscurity.  It  is  the 
pleasure  of  God  that  we  should  show  our  faith  by  our 
obedience. 

Men  frequently  enquire  what  is  their  duty,  when  their  hearts 
are  divided.  If  the  heart  is  simple,  it  will  put  a  name  upon 
ten  thousand  things  that  are  brought  before  it.  Singleness  and 
principle  always  produce  uniformity  of  pursuit :  see  the  miser. 
The  schisms  and  separations  which  have  arisen  in  the  Church, 
have  arisen  from  the  want  of  this  simplicity  of  aim. 

There  are  some  sins  which  appear  specious  and  plausible  : 
but  these  of  all  others  the  true  believer  most  dreads — as  secret 
poison  is  most  mischievous. 

The  true  servant  of  God  cares  not  how  he  is  employed,  if 
he  is  but  where  God  has  placed  him,  and  he  is  doing  his  duty 
therein.  His  diligence  is  that  of  love,  and  hope,  and  intense 
desire  afier  Christ ;  an  earnest  seeking  Him,  and  gratitude  to 
Him  :  his  question  is — "  What  shall  1  render  to  the  Lord  for  all 
his  benefits?" 

A  christian  sets  out  on  a  special  warrant,  and  with  a  special 
dependence.  He  walks  by  faith.  "  If  thy  presence  go  not 
with  us,  carry  us  not  up  hence."  It  is  the  plan  of  God  in  all 
his  various  dispensations  with  us  to  reduce  us  to  this.  Our 
security  lies  in  owning,  and  trusting  our  great  Leader.  We 
should  make  it  a  point  to  advance,  but  we  should  take  every 
step  according  to  direction. 


MISCELLANEOUS  REMARKS. 


We  are  often  saying  of  this  and  the  other  person,  that  he  is 
by  nature  so  amiable,  that  he  seems  to  want  but  a  step  to  be 
a  Christian  ;  and  on  the  contrary,  such  and  such  a  person  is 
so  unamiable,  that  it  seems  beyond  expectation  for  him  ever  to 
become  a  christian.  But  this  is  imitating  the  Heathen,  who 
exalted  Nature  into  a  God.  Human  nature,  in  its  most  amiable 
state,  is  low  and  grovelling:  it  knows  not  its  Maker.  "  The 
world  was  made  by  Him,  and  the  world  knew  Him  not." 
Since  the  fall  of  man,  whatever  is  good  must  spring  up  under 
the  cross. 

We  are  often  shocked  at  the  heathen  idols;  but  we  forget 
that  the  greatest  idol  that  was  ever  set  up,  is  [he  human  under- 
standing  ;  v/hich  produces  fond  conceptions,  false  notions,  and 
a  thousand  errors.  It  was  the  first  sin  of  Adam,  and  it  is  found 
to  be,  perhaps  the  most  difTicult  to  overcome. 

Man  is  a  feeble  creature,  and  whether  in  his  fits  of  pride 
and  haughtiness  he  chooses  it  or  not,  he  is  made  to  feci  that  he 
must  lean  somewhere. 

A  Christian  is  not  told  that  he  must  not  vse  his  understand- 
ing, but  that  he  must  not  trust  to  it,  so  as  to  make  it  an  infalli- 
ble guide.  There  are  many  important  questions  which  it  can- 
not answer  :  it  can  never  of  itself  tell  how  God  can  bo  just, 
and  yet  at  the  same  time  justify  the  sinner:  it  is  fallacious  :  it 
starts  aside  like  a  broken  bow  :  it  is  corrupt  and  blind,  proud 
and  daring,  and  will  often  call  a  man  to  lean  where  he  ought 
not.  A  wise  man  will  not  trust  to  another's  understanding 
more  than  to  his  own  :  he  will  not  lean  on  human  nature:  he 
knows  it  is  a  broken  staff,  "  Whereon  if  a  man  lean,  it  will  go 
into  his  hand,  and  pierce  it." 

"In  all  thy  ways  acknowledge  Him  : ''  (hou  art  encouraged 
thereto  by  his  stooping  vei-y  low  to  acknowledge  thoe. 

It  is  urged  by  Infidels,  that  under  pretence  of  exalting  Reve- 
lation, we  insult  and  trample  upon  reason,  which  also  is  the 
gift  of  God.  But  they  should  show  what  is  the  use  and  ex- 
tent of  reason,  and  what  are  the  subjects  which  fall  under  its 


468  3IISCELLANE0US    REMARKS. 

cognizance.  Reason  was  made  lo  learn^  not  to  teach.  What 
the  eye  is  to  the  body,  reason,  or  understanding,  is  to  the  soul. 
Eph.  i.  18.  The  eye,  though  ever  so  good,  cannot  see  with- 
out light :  reason  though  ever  so  perfect,  cannot  know  without 
instruction.  Reason  is  that  which  knows  :  but  instruction  is 
the  cause  of  its  knowing;  and  it  would  be  as  absurd  to  make 
the  eye  give  itself  light  because  it  sees  by  the  light,  as  to  make 
reason  instruct  itself  because  it  knows  by  instruction.  The 
phrase,  therefore,  light  of  reason,  is  improper,  since  reason  is 
not  the  light,  but  an  organ  for  the  light  of  instruction  to  act 
upon.  Nor  do  we  any  more  derogate  from  the  perfection  of 
reason  when  we  affirm,  it  cannot  laiow  without  instruction, 
than  we  derogate  from  the  perfection  of  the  eye  when  we  deny 
it  has  a  power  of  seeing  in  the  dark.  Christ  alone  who  is  the  Sun 
of  Righteousness,  has  in  him  the  perfection  of  light,  even  all 
the  treasures  of  wisdom  and  knowledge;  and  it  is  the  office 
of  the  Holy  Spirit  to  take  of  the  things  of  Christ  and  show 
them  unto  us.  The  things  which  are  above,  can  only  be  mani- 
fested to  us  by  the  light  which  is  above.  What  sort  of 
revelation  would  that  be  wherein  there  is  no  mystery,  and 
wherein  nothing  was  told  but  what  we  might  know  without  a 
revelation? 

While  error,  and  unbelief  lie  at  the  root,  a  sneer  is  often  the 
sinner's  best  argument.  See  the  unbelieving  lord,  2  Kings  vii. 
"  Behold,  ye  despisers,  and  wonder  and  perish."  There  are 
not  a  few,  who  would  rather  stand  beford  a  sicord  than  a 
sneer  :  duels  testify  this.  But  it  is  the  property  of  sound 
judgment,  to  detect  the  difference  between  a  sneer  and  an  ar- 
gument. 

The  iDords  of  his  mouth  were  smoother  than  butter,  hut  ivar 
was  in  his  heart:  his  words  were  softer  than  oil,  yet  icere 
they  drawn  swords.  Of  this  complexion  are, — the  cant  of  hy- 
pocrites, the  charity  of  bigots  and  fanatics,  the  benevolence  of 
atheists,  the  professions  of  the  world,  the  allurements  of  the 
flesh,  and  the  temptations  of  Satan  when  he  appears  as  an 
angel  of  light. 

We  should  get  a  well-grounded  conviction  of  the  vanity  of 
popular  opinion.  "Opinion,"  says  one,  "  is  the  queen  of  the 
world."  Most  certainly  it  is  a  tyrant  which  enslaves,  and,  in 
the  end,  destroys  many. 

He  who  lets  the  caprice  of  opinion  be  the  rule  of  his  actions 
will  waver  in  uncertainty  without  precision  or  dependence  upon 
himself. 

The  world  does  not  want  me,  nor  I  it:  My  business  is  at 
home,  and  in  a  narrow  compass. 


MISCELLANEOUS    REMARKS.  469 

Never  oppose  great  names  to  divine  declarations.  From 
what  God  has  done,  we  may  collect  what  He  will  do. 

As  no  great  character  should  lead  us  to  evil,  so  not  the 
meanest  instrument  should  make  us  treat  truth  lightly.  Rather 
should  we  be  willing  to  follow  the  smallest  light,  and  use  the 
least  hint ;  especially  should  we  attend  to  the  most  glimmcrincr 
ray  of  truth,  when  it  comes  with  divine  authority.  Jn  so  doing, 
God  will  send  us  further  illumination,  till  our  path  becomes  as 
the  shining  light,  which  shineth  more  and  more  unto  the  per- 
fect day. 

We  are  equally  in  danger  of  making  others  a  pattern  for 
ourselves,  or  ourselves  a  pattern  for  others,  and  thus  miss  the 
true  standard.  "  Call  no  man  Master  ;  neither  be  ye  called 
Master." 

When  any  thing  presents  itself  as  agreeable,  desirable,  or 
advantageous,  always  inquire,  "  How  long  will  it  last  .?" 
Few  things  can  bear  this  mortifying  question  without  shrink- 
ing. 

Our  difficulty  as  fallen  creatures  does  not  consist  in  know- 
ing ichat  we  like,  but  in  knowing  what  is  worth  liking,  and 
how  to  like  it.  Some  say,  <' I  know  what  I  like:" — so  does 
the  carrion  crow  that  feeds  upon  a  carcase. 

We  must  not  expect  fine  things  to  descend  to  us ;  but  our 
taste  must  be  made  to  ascend  to  them.  Wisdom  will  not  drop 
into  the  mouth  at  every  yawn. 

The  vanity  of  present  things,  and  the  weight  of  unseen 
things,  appear  in  proportion  as  we  contemplate  them. 

Although  in  this  world,  our  comfort  and  joy  in  the  Lord  is 
but  like  a  winter^ s  sunbeam,  yet  from  hence  we  can  form  an 
idea  of  what  is  laid  up  for  us  in  heaven;  and  though  a  poor 
and  imperfect  notion  of  the  sun  is  given  by  its  faint  watery 
rays  in  winter,  yet  it  is  an  idea  which  a  Mind  man  can  never 
obtain. 

One  great  advantage  we  derive  from  the  historical  parts  of 
Scripture  is,  that  they  evibo'dy  doctrines.  Wc  may  see  in  the 
thief  on  the  cross  the  nature  of  repentance.  Wc  here  sec  that 
what  the  law  could  not  do,  was  easily  cifected  by  divine  grace. 
No  doubt  if  this  poor  creature  had  been  unbound,  the  language 
of  his  heart  would  have  been,  "  Let  me  devote  hands  and  feet, 
as  well  as  heart  and  tongue,  to  thy  service." 

An  ability  and  an  opportunity  to  do  good,  ought  to  be  con- 
sidered  as  a  call  to  do  it. 

Nothing  discovers  more  the  presence  of  God  in  the  soul  than 
self-possession :  it  is  one  effect  of  having  put  on  those  graces 
40 


470  MISCELLAJ^EOUS    KE3IARKS. 

described.    Col.  iii.  12,  14.     The  presence  of  God  is  a  great 
antidote  to  fear.  Ps.  cxii,  7.  Isaiah  xliii. 

The  Christian's  heart,  like  a  clock,  has  a  continual  tendency 
to  go  down,  and  equally  needs  winding  up  again.  Sabbaths 
are  good  days  for  this  purpose  ;  but  the  business  must  also  be 
repeated  every  day  ;  and  the  most  advantageous  time  is  the 
morning,  before  the  cares  and  anxieties  of  the  day  begin  to  in- 
trude. There  is  no  better  way  to  end  a  truly  spiritual  life, 
than  daily  to  begin  such  a  life. 

It  is  but  a  partial  view  which  many  pious  persons  seem  to 
have  of  the  church  at  this  day  with  respect  to  its  ordinances. 
They  are  not  satisfied  if  they  do  not  individually  receive  some 
help  and  improvements  from  the  preacher.  They  do  not  con- 
sider that  going  to  church  is  rendering  a  homage  to  God  : 
though  that  ordinance  may  impart  much  good  to  the  hearer,  it 
is  rather  intended  as  a  public  acknowledgement  of  God  as  a 
Governor  and  Protector.  Sunday  is  particularly  set  apart  for 
that  consideration  ;  it  is  an  opportunity  for  manifesting  our  re- 
gard to  Him,  as  God.  Therefore  there  can  be  no  excuse  for 
our  not  frequenting  the  church,  because  the  minister  is  not  all 
we  could  wish.  The  children  of  Israel  did  not  cease  to  fre- 
quent the  Tabernacle,  though  Hophni  and  Phineas  adminis- 
tered :  they  still  made  their  acknowledgments.  God  has  said, 
"  Where  two  or  three  are  gathered  together  in  my  name,  there 
am  I  in  the  midst."  Abraham  planted  a  grove :  perhaps  it 
was  more  convenient  in  hot  countries.  The  sons  of  God  pre- 
sented themselves  before  the  Lord :  it  is  an  act  of  homage  : 
the  place  is  nothing  :  it  is  the  sentiment.  The  Israelites  came 
only  to  the  door  of  the  Tabernacle,  because  there  was  no  room 
for  the  whole  congregation.  I  knew  a  clergyman  who  was  so 
deaf  that  he  could  not  hear,  and  yet  would  be  in  his  pew  on 
Sundays  as  constant  as  any  one.  I  remarked  to  him  that  I 
thought  he  could  not  hear:  he  replied,  that  he  felt  it  his  duty 
to  attend  for  example's  sake.  There  is  however  no  general 
position  which  will  not  meet  with  objections  :  but  that  is  no 
argument  against  it ;  for  the  position  is  the  same  though  liable 
to  objections. 

"  We  are  come  to  the  spirits  of  just  men  made  perfect,"  and 
hold  communion  with  them  by  our  spirits.  We  have  com- 
munion with  them  in  their  love  to  God,  as  children  of  the  same 
Father — as  claiming  the  same  title — as  having  the  same  in- 
heritance— the  same  blessed  mansion;  and  we  unite  with  them 
in  the  same  praises 


Theological  Seminary-Speer  Library 


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